Princess Luna and The Elements of Harmony

by Trickquestion

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Luna and Pip trotted through a rock farming field overlooked by another castle. After scanning the area, Luna trotted towards a hunched over pony carrying a cart full of rocks. "GREETINGS OLD MARE! WILST YE..."

"Stallion." The farmer replied gruffly.

"Pardon us?" Luna asked, knocked from the RCV (Royal Canterlot Voice) for the second time this fic.

"I'm a stallion." The pony's statement was confirmed as Luna trotted next to the dark orange, gray maned rock farmer.

""Old Stallion, sorry." Luna replied. "WHAT KNIGHT DOTH DWELL IN CASTLE YONDER?"

"I'm 37." The stallion stated, ignoring the question. "I'm not old."

"WELL WE CANNOT REFER TO YOU AS JUST STALLION." Luna countered.

"You could call me Clyde." Clyde Pie stated.

"WE DID NOT KNOW THOUGHST NAME IS CLYDE!"

"Well you didn't bother to find out."

"WE HATH APOLOGISED FOR THE TITLE OF OLD MARE." Luna stated. "WHO RESIDES IN CASTLE YONDER?"

"What I have a problem with is that you automatically treat me like an inferior." Clyde replied, ignoring Luna's question for the second time this chapter.

"WELL, WE ARE THOUGH'S PRINCESS." Luna remarked in the most offhand way the RCV could allow.

"Oh yes, princess, very nice. How'd you get that then?" Clyde asked rhetorically. "By exploiting the lower class, like us rock farmers, who you keep under your thumb by perpetuating your theocratic imperial dogma! The only way there's ever gonna be any change..."

"Clyde! There's some fine rocks over here!" Called out a gray mare with a rock farming cutie mark who was waddling through the dirt as part of her inane "talent." She straighted up when she saw the non-shit covered Luna. "How do you do?" Greeted Sue Pie.

"GREETINGS FAIR CITIZEN! WE ARE LUNA, REGENT OF THE MOON AND PRINCESS OF THE EQUESTRIANS!" Luna greeted, happy to see someone who seemed to respect her authority at last.

"Princess of the who now?" Sue asked.

Luna was dumbstruck. "The Equestrians." she replied uncertainly.

"Who are the Equestrians?" Sue asked.

"You are, and I am your Princess." Luna, shocked out of the RCV by the mare's astounding ignorance.

"I didn't know we had a Princess." Sue replied in an unconcerned tone.

"Well that's what happens when government power is so great it even controls nature, and leaves us rock farmers by the wayside, not giving us rocks to farm!" Clyde began to rant.

"WE ARE IN HASTE, PEASENT!" Luna exclaimed. "TELL US WHO LIVES IN CASTLE YONDER."

"Who lives in the castle." Sue parroted back, not seeming to understand the question.

"THEN WHO IS YOUR LORD?" Luna asked, once again growing frustrated.

"Who is our Lord." Clyde shot back. "We're an autonomous collective, we take turns acting as executive officer, but all those decisions of the officer need to be ratified by a civil majority within the high council."

"SILENCE THIS DRABBLE!" Luna commanded.

"Who does she think she is, ordering us around?" Sue asked her husband, ignoring the subject of her question.

"WE ART THOUGH'S PRINCESS!" Luna exclaimed, her veins beginning to bulge. Recognising the signs, Pip began rubbing the Princess on the shoulders to calm her down.

"Well I didn't vote for you." Sue stated.

"ONE DOES NOT VOTE FOR A PRINCESS!"

"Then how'd you get to be Princess?" Sue asked.

"ALONGSIDE OUR ROYAL SISTER CELESTIA, WE DEFEATED THE DEMON DISCORD, AND FORMED ORDER OUT OF CHAOS BY GUIDING THE SUN AND THE MOON BACK INTO THEIR CORRECT PATHS, CLAIMING STEWARDSHIP OF THIS REALM FOREVER MORE!" Luna explained eloquently. "THAT IS WHY WE ARE YOUR PRINCESS!"

"Listen, weirdo ponies with wings and horns tossing around galactic bodies like beach balls is no basis for a system of government." Clyde began. "Supreme executive power is derived from the mandate of the masses, not some cosmic interpretive dance."

At this point, Luna realized she was getting nowhere, and along with Pip, just trotted away.

Meanwhile, inside the castle, a brown coated Earth pony with a hourglass cutie mark is flipping through some papers, when he suddenly stopped. "I feel as though I've missed something." He states, then resumes his decision making.

Luna and Pip were now riding through a forest. They came to a halt in a clearing, where a mare in a black body suit, cape and hat was battling a larger unicorn stallion with a blonde mane and tuxedo. The fact that both blades were suspended in air meant the Mare-Do-Well was also a unicorn.

The two traded blows for a bit longer, Luna and Pip looking on, Pip with awe, Luna a calculating grin. Eventually, Prince Blueblood struck witha enough force to knock the Mare-Do-Well's sword back towards her. He used so much force, in fact, his own blade slipped his magical grasp as well.

The two incoming swords forced Mare-Do-Well to duck down to avoid decapitation. Seeing his chance, Blueblood charged, intending to simply trample his prone opponent beneath his hooves.

The Mare-Do-Well had one last trick, however, and levitated one of the dropped swords to eye level, then sent it flying towards her opponent. Blue blood saw it coming, but could not change course quick enough, and the sword sunk into the soft tissue of his eye. Blood gushed out as the agony stricken prince tried to pull out the gore caked blood, but only succeeded in pushing it farther in with his pained panicing, causing it to reach his brain and kill him.

Luna approached the victor with a warm grin on her face. "THOU DOTH FIGHT WITH THE STRENGTH OF MANY PONIES, GOOD WARRIOR!" She greeted. "WHAT IS THOU'S NAME?"

The Mare-Do-Well remained silent, retrieving her sword and blocking the path.

Luna seemed a little confused by the silence, but continued. "WE ARE PRINCESS LUNA, AND AS A TOKEN OF YOUR VICTORY, WE OFFER YOU A PLACE IN OUR ROYAL COURT AT CANTERLOT!"

More silence.

"WILST THOU JOIN US?" Luna asked. No response. With a sigh, she turned to Pip. "YOU MAKE US SAD. COME ALONG PIP!" Yet after two steps, Mare-Do-Well blocked the way.

"None shall pass." the mysterious mare stated.

"WHAT JEST IS THIS?" Luna asked.

"None shall pass."

"WE HAVE NO QUARRL WITH YOU, MIGHTY WARRIOR, BUT WE MUST PASS!" Luna proclaimed.

"Then you shall die."

"THOU ART INDEED BOLD TO THREATEN A PRINCESS." Luna stated. "PIP! PASS US THE ROYAL MOON SWORD!"

In response, Pip pushed his back into the air, causing a night black obsidian sword to fly into the air. Luna enveloped it in a field of her magic, swinging it against Mare-Do-Well's sword. The two parried and fainted and cut, until Luna seized an opening and lopped off the dark unicorn's horn.

"THOU HAST BEEN DEFEATED, HONORABLE FOE, NOW STAND ASIDE AND LET US PASS!" Stated Luna.

Mare-Do-Well quickly returned her dropped hat to her head. "No you haven't." She stated quickly.

Luna was dumbstruck by this. "I cut off your horn." she stated rather simply.

"No you didn't."

"THEN WHAT'S THAT?" Luna yelled back, pointing to the blood trickling down from Mare-Do-Well's forehead.

"Just a flesh wound."

"DOES THOUGH DESIRE FURTHER PUNISHMENT?"

"Bring it on!" And so the two clashed again, until Luna swiped off her opponent's two right legs in a charge.

"NOW THOU MUST SURELY CONCED THIS POINTLESS CONTEST AND ALLOW US TO DEPART!" Luna demanded.

"Oh, running away are you?" Mare-Do-Well taunted while trying to get her sword into her mouth, which was proving difficult due to how lopsided she was. "You big Scootaloo you!"

"Hey, I am not a chicken!" came the faint voice of a faraway filly.

"Shut up Scootaloo, it's not our scene yet!"

"Sorry Rainbow Dash!"

While you were distracted by that little exchange, Princess Luna cut off another of Mare-Do-Well's legs.

"Come on Princess, I'll best you yet!" The shadowy, bleeding figure exclaimed as she hobbled at Luna.

"What are you going to do, bleed on me?" Luna responded dryly, no longer taking the battle seriously enough to use the Royal Canterlot Voice. "Must the mutilations be doubled?"

"The Mare-Do-Well is invincible! I cannot be beaten!" She shrieked desperately.

"You're a loon." The Princess stated before slicing off the Mare's last leg. Glancing at her bleeding stumps, the Mare-Do-Well addressed Luna.

"Alright, we'll call it a draw."

The Royal Sister simply rolled her eyes and trotted off, followed faithfully by Pip, who paused briefly to recover his Princess's sword.

"GET BACK HERE YOU YELLOW BELLIED COWARD! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF."

The scene now shifts to a small village. The streets were currently filled by a mob of hysteric ponies screaming about witches and burnings. They finally arrived at town square, where a lavender unicorn was trying to use magic to string a coconut to a swallow. At the sound of the mob, the bird flew away. "What is it this time?" Twilight Sparkle dryly asked the crowd.

"We've found a which! May be burn her?" exclaimed one crowd pony.

"And how do you know she is a witch?" Twilight asked, growing somewhat curious at this.

"Well, she looks like one!" someone else added in, as the so called 'witch' was pushed before Twilight.

"Of witchcraft I am not a practician!" Exclaimed Zecora, who was clad in a witch's hat, had a dusty brown robe, and an obviously fake nose. "It is they who dressed me up as a foul magician!"

Twilight them blatantly used magic to remove the false nose. "Did you dress her up like this?"

The crowd at first denied this, then claimed they only did the nose, then admitting they dressed her like that. They then began demanding burnination after someone mentioned a newt.

"Everypony calm down! There are ways to tell if she's a witch." Twilight began. "What do you burn besides witches?"

"More witches!"

A period a silence followed. Someone finally spoke up. "Wood?"

"That's right!" Twilight replied insincerly. "So why do witches burn?"

More silence followed. "Because they're made of wood?"

Twilight nodded. "So how can we prove she's made of wood?"

"Build a bridge out of her!" somepony shouted right away.

"But can you also not make bridges out of stone?" The unicorn asked. Everyone was silent. "Tell me," Twilight broke the silence. "Does wood sink in water?"

"To the lake!" yelled another crowd pony after figuring out the implications, but Twilight calmed her down.

"What else floats in water?" She asked, provoking another swarm of stupid answers.

"Rainbows!"

"Rocks!

"Muffins!"

"Churches!

"Lead! Is it lead?"

"Cupcakes!"

"A DUCK!" Came one commanding voice above the others.

"Right!" Replied Twilight. "So, if she weighs the same as a duck..."

"Then she's a witch!" Burst the crowd, who then followed Twilight to her largest scales. Zecora was loaded on, as was a duck. The scales shifted for a moment, then fell into place, clearly demonstrating Zecora was in fact, heavier then a duck. The crowd became awkward and the atmosphere tense at this.

"Alright all of you, go home now!" Twilight muttered while using magic to shove the crowd ponies away from her stuff. She then saw Luna trott up. "Oh, hello there! Nice to meet someone else with a lick of common sense around here. I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"AND WE ARE PRINCESS LUNA, REGENT OF THE MOON!" Luna proclaimed, causing Twilight to instantly bow. "TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WILL YOU JOIN US AT OUT ROYAL COURT IN CANTERLOT?"

"I would be honored to, your majesty." Twilight replied.

Taking her sword from Pip, Luna tapped Twilight on her shoulders with the flat part of the sword while proclaiming "THEN WE DUB YOU SIR TWILIGHT SPARKLE, KNIGHT OF THE ROUND TABLE!"

And so it was that Luna gathered the first of her many knights. Joining her:

Sir Rainbow Dash the Brave.

Sir Spike the Pure.

Sir Fluttershy, the not nearly as brave as Sir Rainbow Dash, who almost slayed the dragon of Bridleburg, who fled from the chicken of Irkshire, and who personally was routed at the Battle of Jorgansvire by her own shadow.

And the aptly named Sir Not Appearing In This Fic.

And so, with her Knights of the Round Table assembled, Luna and her order rode for Canterlot.

A/N: Alright, question time. First of all, too bloody? I'm trying to stay true to the movie, but maybe I should tone it down a little. But Blueblood is such a douche, I couldn't help but go overboard.

Next up, where do you guys most want Derpy to appear? I'm currently thinking she'll either be the French of the Knights of Ni. How does one pony play an entire faction, you may ask? Easy, she's Depry.

That joke with Doctor Whoof wasn't too subtle, right?

And for clarification, Twilight and Spike didn't know each other until Luna recruited them in this universe. They've lived separate lives so far. Just thought I should clear that up.

Also, I've always interpreted "Rock Farming" not as an actual job, but as a sign that Pinkie has really, really stupid parents. So I made them similar to Pinkie (eccentric, but with some hidden depths) but replaced eccentric with horribly, horribly, uneducated.

See you next time!

Comments

[Hairy Konquerer]

Yay Zecora isn't burned.

[T1MBUK0N3]

Sir Not Appearing In This Fic? What's their REAL name?

[Flutterbrony539]

7018878
That is their name.