Chapter 1
Why I shouldn't be in the Royal Guard
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and this is non-profit and blah blah blah, like anyone's going to actually take the time to go after fanfiction.
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Kimono Nomo-Ono watched, horrified, as a Purple mare and Princess Celestia exchanged wedding vows. She had hoped that it would never come to this, but it was the only way to stop the community center from being demolished, and make sure that the cobbler didn't commit Seppuku.
"Dost thou, Princess Celestia, taketh Twilighteth Sparkleth to be thine lawfully wedded Butt-Buddy?" Princess Luna asked, turning towards her tall-as-hell sister. It made sense that Princess Celestia's own sister would preside over the wedding. Who else to handle a goddess's marriage, but another Goddess?
"I do-eth" Celestia replied, smiling all the while.
"And dost thou, Twilighteth Sparkleth, taketh my fair, and totally not a dumn bitch who only got the Sun because mom liked her more, sister to be thine lawfully wedded Butt-Buddy?" Luna said, turning towards a bound and gagged Twilight.
"Mmph mmph mmm-eth, HM HMMM-ETH?!" Twilight tried to say, failing miserably. Kimono watched, tears beginning to form in her eyes. No, she refused to let this happen. This had to be stopped.
"Then, by the powereth investedeth in me-eth by GryphonMingle.com, I noweth prounceth thou..."
"STOP THIS SHAM OF A WEDDING-ETH!!" Kimono shouted, lunging at Luna.
"WHAT BE-ITH THIS?!" Luna cried, being immediately tackled to the ground. Kimono stood atop her, pulling out a miniature crossbow with her Unicorn magic. She carefully took aim at the Princess of the Night, making that the bolt would go through her forehead.
"I AM KIMONO RESNOV, AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Kimono declared loudly, right as she fired that bolt in between Luna's eyes. The chapel immediately fell apart, crushing many ponies, all of which were running about screaming in a mad frenzy.
"Git da fook up Lassie, it's our tern fur patrollin! Up and at 'em!"It was at that moment that an angry voice came down from the heavens, making all the heads of the surviving ponies explode, in a glorious shower of streamers and latex.
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Night Sky woke up, waving her arms around before the chair she was sleeping on finally fell over, leaving her sprawled across the floor. Sporting a sparkling blue coat and a purple mane with a streak of powder blue through it, she would've been beautiful were it not for the large, jagged scar going through her right eye. Her cutie mark was in mathematics. She had been drafted into the REA when she was just 22, during the third great war with the Gryphons. After the war, however, she left the REA and instead enlisted in the Royal Guard.
It was a nice, cushy job. All she had to do was stand there and look pretty in armor. Occasionally there was a robbery in lower Canterlot, or a noblepony revolt, but nothing that required any real work. She wondered if she should retire from the guard, and try to take up a butlery job. It would be nice to be able to stand around all day, doing nothing. She could even change her name to something fancier, like Jeeves, but she had bigger problems. Namely, the large angry earth pony that was yelling in her face at this very moment.
"...and that's why you'll always be a Private!" Plaid Kilt concluded, smiling to himself after what Night assumed was an amazing and insightful look into something completely important.
"Whatever you say, H, just lean back, you're an inch away from my face." Night said to her massive partner. She liked to call him H because he looked like the colors of Hearth's Warming Eve. He had a light, powder green coat with a cute red mane. She would never admit out loud that his mane was cute, because she knew it would go to his head.
"Ugh, just git up already lass, we're already late fer our patrol. And I'm not a pine tree, I'm a much more dignified shade of green." He replied, although he knew that she wasn't going to stop calling him that. He honestly didn't know why they got paired together. Hell, he didn't even know why he was in the guard in the first place. He was a baker. One drunken night, and when he woke up, he had a hell of a hangover and was a Sergeant in the Royal Guard. He also had a normally hyperactive mare as his partner. When he has grandfoals, he'll be able to say to them that he joined the guard not to defend Equestria's freedom, but because he was hella smashed. And those grandfoals will then go into their history classes the next day, with a report written on how you shouldn't mix 7 different types of alcohol together, and exactly how many types of alcohol you should mix (what a wonderful thing and believable thing to present to your class on Veterans Day).
They had both decided to sign up for the Night Guard. Night Sky chose the Night Guard because it was in her bucking name, and Plaid Kilt did it because he was drunk (pay attention). Neither pony knew it, but they were each in for an adventure.
Each pony stared at each other for a little while, backstories running through their heads, wondering what the other is thinking. Soon enough it won't matter, because they'll be out on... guard patrol.
"Well let's get going," Night said after all the backstories and such were finished "somepony needs to stand around in pretty armor and make the nobleponies feel like there was some safety and dignity in Equestria."
"Ay" Kilt replied simply. He handed her a thermos of coffee. "Drink this lass, it'll take away those tired feelings of yers."
5 minutes later...
"I DON'T NEED SLEEP, SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS! HYEEHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Night yelled out. She didn't really drink much caffeine, so this was pretty new to her. Surprisingly enough. It was going to be a long night, Kilt could already tell.
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"Each pony stared at each other for a little while, backstories running through their heads, wondering what the other is thinking."
Here's an example of a sentence where you jump between multiple tenses. (In this case, the past and present) If you give the story a thorough read-through before posting it, I'm sure you will be able to pick out these mistakes.
Other than that, it was funny and fairly well written.
Its the nights like this one that make life worth living.
This looks like an interesting start. Night Sky and Plaid Kilt sound like they will get along just like Hoplite and Lethe from A Slice of Life
One thing I can reccomend is that you change your type of page break. The one that you have now spills over halfway into the next line.
Try deleting the excess hyphens or consider using the one that is pre built into this site.
use the command [ hr ] (Minus the spaces around the brackets) to use this line.
lolz
2101102 A Slice of Life was one of the first fics that I ever read. I always felt sad afterwards. because I knew that I would never find a fic that could compare to it.
2102056
You know, I never understood why A Slice of Life was so popular. I had high hopes for it when it was first published, but it actually ended up as one of the very few stories I've ever down-voted, possibly even the only one. The canon characters' portrayals were completely unbelievable, the OCs were obnoxious, and the attempts at comedy were just trying too hard. I read the first seven chapters, trying to keep giving it more chances to improve, but every chapter just irritated me more than anything, so I finally clicked the down vote and gave up on it. I'm all for everyone having their own tastes and everything, but it didn't make much sense how I could apparently disagree so completely with seemingly just about everyone else who read it.
So anyway, this story... I'm kinda neutral on it so far, really. It's hard to form much opinion from 1080 words. The intro scene was odd, but that was a dream, so okay. The rest... I guess we'll see.
2118401 I thought highly of A Slice of Life. They portrayed Celestia hilariously (please tell me you've seen her trying to get into the kitchen), the OCs are pretty funny. I liked Scharwalder, really liked Ram-Sea, and loved Lethe. there were good references added in, but they weren't made too obvious or too hard to find. i am also a huge patron of the random, but not too random, type of comedy. And it was written in a way that made the timing for each joke perfect.
2118433
I think I vaguely remember a scene like that, but it didn't make enough of an impression for any of the details to come to mind so many months later. I honestly can't recall a single word from that story that actually made me laugh. And it's been like nine months since the last chapter I read, so I don't even remember Lethe at all without a refresher, but the other two were the ones I disliked.
Random can be funny, but I just wasn't feeling it with that story.
2118512 Personally, it was unforgettable for me. Trust me, do a reread, I've needed to reread fics before and they always seemed better once I went in knowing knowledge. I've seen much worse comedy fics that A Slice of Life.
Okay, that made me laugh! Especially the dream sequence at the beginning. At first I was like Twilestia? Uh-oh... and then I completely busted up.
There were a couple spots where the grammar seemed a little strange, but really that's no big deal. The main thing I'd do is replace those hyphens with an [hr] tag.
That aside, overall it's very good. Liked & Favorited.
Also also: okay, looks like I'll have to check out A Slice of Life now, and see what all the hubbub's about.
2125098 Two things: 1. You wanna be a prereader?
2. How do I make a certain set of words link to something, kinda like on wikipedia?
I am amused.
Alright you told me to read it and I did. It's okay. Good enough to keep reading that's for sure. Although one main thing is that all of the royal guard and night guard have the same skin type. Repsectivly. Imagine it like a uniform, it is an enchantment put on them when they work to get the dark blue-ish skin tone for night guard, white for royal guard earth ponis and pegasus, and grey for royal guard unicorns.
Not sure if the sentence/paragraph that includes the word "backstories" is good lampshade hanging, or a poor writing choice.