Two fun loving guards put a new spin on the term "national security". To them, everypony is a threat, and they must let nothing stop the Royal Wedding. It takes place right before the wedding, and during it. Watch as they use Chloroform, hilarious forms of interrogation, and weaponized apple pie on ponies who probably don't deserve it.
This is my first fic, so feel free to criticize constructively.
NOTE: I will add more character tags as it becomes necessary.
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"Each pony stared at each other for a little while, backstories running through their heads, wondering what the other is thinking."
Here's an example of a sentence where you jump between multiple tenses. (In this case, the past and present) If you give the story a thorough read-through before posting it, I'm sure you will be able to pick out these mistakes.
Other than that, it was funny and fairly well written.
Its the nights like this one that make life worth living.
This looks like an interesting start. Night Sky and Plaid Kilt sound like they will get along just like Hoplite and Lethe from A Slice of Life
One thing I can reccomend is that you change your type of page break. The one that you have now spills over halfway into the next line.
Try deleting the excess hyphens or consider using the one that is pre built into this site.
use the command [ hr ] (Minus the spaces around the brackets) to use this line.
lolz
2101102 A Slice of Life was one of the first fics that I ever read. I always felt sad afterwards. because I knew that I would never find a fic that could compare to it.
2102056
You know, I never understood why A Slice of Life was so popular. I had high hopes for it when it was first published, but it actually ended up as one of the very few stories I've ever down-voted, possibly even the only one. The canon characters' portrayals were completely unbelievable, the OCs were obnoxious, and the attempts at comedy were just trying too hard. I read the first seven chapters, trying to keep giving it more chances to improve, but every chapter just irritated me more than anything, so I finally clicked the down vote and gave up on it. I'm all for everyone having their own tastes and everything, but it didn't make much sense how I could apparently disagree so completely with seemingly just about everyone else who read it.
So anyway, this story... I'm kinda neutral on it so far, really. It's hard to form much opinion from 1080 words. The intro scene was odd, but that was a dream, so okay. The rest... I guess we'll see.
2118401 I thought highly of A Slice of Life. They portrayed Celestia hilariously (please tell me you've seen her trying to get into the kitchen), the OCs are pretty funny. I liked Scharwalder, really liked Ram-Sea, and loved Lethe. there were good references added in, but they weren't made too obvious or too hard to find. i am also a huge patron of the random, but not too random, type of comedy. And it was written in a way that made the timing for each joke perfect.
2118433
I think I vaguely remember a scene like that, but it didn't make enough of an impression for any of the details to come to mind so many months later. I honestly can't recall a single word from that story that actually made me laugh. And it's been like nine months since the last chapter I read, so I don't even remember Lethe at all without a refresher, but the other two were the ones I disliked.
Random can be funny, but I just wasn't feeling it with that story.
2118512 Personally, it was unforgettable for me. Trust me, do a reread, I've needed to reread fics before and they always seemed better once I went in knowing knowledge. I've seen much worse comedy fics that A Slice of Life.
Okay, that made me laugh! Especially the dream sequence at the beginning. At first I was like Twilestia? Uh-oh... and then I completely busted up.
There were a couple spots where the grammar seemed a little strange, but really that's no big deal. The main thing I'd do is replace those hyphens with an [hr] tag.
That aside, overall it's very good. Liked & Favorited.
Also also: okay, looks like I'll have to check out A Slice of Life now, and see what all the hubbub's about.
2125098 Two things: 1. You wanna be a prereader?
2. How do I make a certain set of words link to something, kinda like on wikipedia?
I am amused.
I'm a little confused as to what is going on. Maybe I skipped over that part.
2148988 foreshadowing... *plays foreshadowing music*
Alright you told me to read it and I did. It's okay. Good enough to keep reading that's for sure. Although one main thing is that all of the royal guard and night guard have the same skin type. Repsectivly. Imagine it like a uniform, it is an enchantment put on them when they work to get the dark blue-ish skin tone for night guard, white for royal guard earth ponis and pegasus, and grey for royal guard unicorns.
Night, do you have a pre-reader and or editor because there are many small typos that, due to my grammar nazism, I find glaringly obvious and that could very well make the story better simply by fixing them. Send me a Skype message if you would like me to edit your stories before you post them.
Looking good so far! Epic and stuff!
I've most of the way through my review—I'll send it via PM when it's done. (Unless you want me to drop it in the comments here, but that might get kind of annoying.)
So, when's the next chapter comin'?
2311398 2 reasons why it could take a while: I hit a block with one part.
I have midterms and such to deal with.
2311900 Darn those midterms!
Not sure if the sentence/paragraph that includes the word "backstories" is good lampshade hanging, or a poor writing choice.
2319377 Only time will tell... *dramatic music* dudududududududududududu DUNNNNNNN dududududududududu DUNNNNNNN, DUUUN, DUNNNN, DUHNNNNNNN! dududududududududud DUHNNNNN!