Page generated in 0.035 seconds
Total duration
993 users online
1,266,628 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"Are you willing to become the thing you hate just to kill it?"
This story just emphasize it a lot!
So Shining Armor and the rest of the Royal Guard set out to challange the Gods themselves? You have my full attention, though you could be more detailed on the apperance of your OC, and I like seeing a female being in the Royal Guard, a new change of pace, impressive. Can't wait to see more of this and how it all started
A bit... Fast is the first word that springs to mind. Of course it is hard to say much about the plot or anything like that because of the shortness of the chapter, but I felt like writing some notions anyway. Despite the shortness there is a lot of stuff here: A recap of past events, a description about a weapon, a fightning scene and finally a diary entry - none of which have much to do with each other. The part where you talked about the SPR - 16 especially seemed detached from the rest of the text, making me feel like reading an ad. I admit, the technical stuff where the author explains the new world to a reader are always the hardest parts to come up with and naturally attach to the text - an important thing that separates science fiction from fantasy, where everyhting can be explained with magic. How to attach these technical issues as natural part of the world you are creating, along with the characters, scenery and the rest, is a task requiring hard work and slow progress through trial and error - a fact you probably already knew, but what I thought appropriate to mention anyway.
Moreover, you use quite a lot of different styles of narration, taking into account the shortness of the chapter. Omniscient, dialogue, first person - using all these narrations in such a brief time also contributes to the impression of fastness and hastiness. Of course it might be that this rapidness is your intention and a matter of style you prefer, but I would recommend taking your time with this one, at least with the important scenes. The idea you have (civil war in futuristic Equestria) is interesting after all and like other commentators before me, I too am keen to hear more about that. Hopefully these comments were of any help.
2098118 In the old days(sound like some old guy when I say that) I always wrote fast because I wrote crossovers mainly, and all the non-pony characters all had that 'faceless hero that the reader can project their own personality onto' kind of personalities. Made it so I didn't have to clog up a story with what I thought was useless characterization. I thought nobody cared about characterization in fanfics because I don't really care about characterization. But I really do want to take a slow approach to this story, so I will certainly take what you said into consideration.
And yes, this was just one chapter. The following chapters I have done thus far are actually quite long.
EDIT: and I'll tell you right now there's quite a bit of fluff surrounding these SP weapons. I always found the best way to drag out chapters is to write about the in-universe technology. The way I write pretty much means any one heading a wiki related to my work would have any easy time writing the articles with numerous details. No one writes wikis for my stuff, obviously, but it helps me write.