- Member Since 26th May, 2012
- offline last seen Last Sunday
CodenameOne
Eleven years of fun, memories, and friends. Thank you to everyone for everything!
CodenameOne
Joined 26th May, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- Sky Trotter · 7k words · 55 6 · 791 views
- Dusk Quill · 81k words · 342 8 · 6k views
- TheEighthDayofNight · 76k words · 48 10 · 796 views
- Dusk Quill · 64k words · 179 5 · 3k views
- PastyWaffles · 8.6k words · 493 46 · 13k views
- RedtheDestroyer · 63k words · 74 10 · 2.2k views
- BRBrony9 · 600k words · 302 24 · 9.2k views
Featured In1
Stats
Page generated in 0.092 seconds
Total duration
815 users online
1,086,315 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"Are you willing to become the thing you hate just to kill it?"
This story just emphasize it a lot!
So Shining Armor and the rest of the Royal Guard set out to challange the Gods themselves? You have my full attention, though you could be more detailed on the apperance of your OC, and I like seeing a female being in the Royal Guard, a new change of pace, impressive. Can't wait to see more of this and how it all started
A bit... Fast is the first word that springs to mind. Of course it is hard to say much about the plot or anything like that because of the shortness of the chapter, but I felt like writing some notions anyway. Despite the shortness there is a lot of stuff here: A recap of past events, a description about a weapon, a fightning scene and finally a diary entry - none of which have much to do with each other. The part where you talked about the SPR - 16 especially seemed detached from the rest of the text, making me feel like reading an ad. I admit, the technical stuff where the author explains the new world to a reader are always the hardest parts to come up with and naturally attach to the text - an important thing that separates science fiction from fantasy, where everyhting can be explained with magic. How to attach these technical issues as natural part of the world you are creating, along with the characters, scenery and the rest, is a task requiring hard work and slow progress through trial and error - a fact you probably already knew, but what I thought appropriate to mention anyway.
Moreover, you use quite a lot of different styles of narration, taking into account the shortness of the chapter. Omniscient, dialogue, first person - using all these narrations in such a brief time also contributes to the impression of fastness and hastiness. Of course it might be that this rapidness is your intention and a matter of style you prefer, but I would recommend taking your time with this one, at least with the important scenes. The idea you have (civil war in futuristic Equestria) is interesting after all and like other commentators before me, I too am keen to hear more about that. Hopefully these comments were of any help.
2098118 In the old days(sound like some old guy when I say that) I always wrote fast because I wrote crossovers mainly, and all the non-pony characters all had that 'faceless hero that the reader can project their own personality onto' kind of personalities. Made it so I didn't have to clog up a story with what I thought was useless characterization. I thought nobody cared about characterization in fanfics because I don't really care about characterization. But I really do want to take a slow approach to this story, so I will certainly take what you said into consideration.
And yes, this was just one chapter. The following chapters I have done thus far are actually quite long.
EDIT: and I'll tell you right now there's quite a bit of fluff surrounding these SP weapons. I always found the best way to drag out chapters is to write about the in-universe technology. The way I write pretty much means any one heading a wiki related to my work would have any easy time writing the articles with numerous details. No one writes wikis for my stuff, obviously, but it helps me write.
DAMN!!!!!! Now THIS is a chapter, though be sure to sepreate when others are speaking for a long amount of time up, it seemed hard to read, and I'm not sure what it is but when people write with numbers instead of letters, it's hard for me to follow, stil, for the sake of SO many words appearing even more, I'll deal....shit, so I'm guessing the Peace Fighters are now fighting now one but TWO of the Gods? Yeah, because THAT will work so well in their favor
2128318 Oh believe me, Spike and the rest of the main cast have definitely been affected by this war. You'll all see that later on.
2128617 WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't wait to see how it does
Yay more references
I'm also intrigued as to who "them" are
Shit, they fight for peace...but at what cost? For shame. Someone kill Shining Armor for me
2159455
Whaaaat?! Why do you want Shining dead?
2158818
Oh believe me, you'll all find out eventually.
Hate, wraith and many of those sins cause a person to lose everything from keeping hi in line of sanity once he let himself be consumed by the very same demons he fights he is not considered alive nor death as death will be too pleasurable for him!
Dear God this is DARK!
2159455 will death be enough........ Maybe not............
2161494 Don't tell me that
2159502 Because I hate him, his voice annyos the buck out of me and he think he is so special just because he kept an army from invading and is married to the Princess/Goddess of Love, not only that but he is Captain of the Royal guard, could he be anymore of a Gray-Sue? Seriously, he reminds me of a Gray-Sue I want to punch in the face, the only pony I hate more then this asshole is Rarity, but that's my option.
2162313 I've never seen anything in canon to support your claims of him thinking he's hot shit, but OK.
Now hating on Rarity is an idea I can get behind! Fuck. That. Bitch!
2163958 Yeah, to each their own my friend and THERE WE GO
you know honestly, if I was brought to Equestria right now, and met the bitch, I would punch her in the face and maybe put her in the hospital, true words
Those super soldiers sound badass (but then again all super soldiers do) also the fact that there are six super soldiers is a bit worrying because there are six elements of harmony, either its a coincidence or celestia is evil
Gods, this is going to suck for Shining Armor, but damn....so Celestia is brain washing the six into fighting for her? Wonder where Spike or Cadence is? And Tia is a Goddess so she can do as she wishes but damn....this is going to be tragic, wow.....can't wait to see what is happening next, Armor has lost it, no suprise there but DAMN!!!
Think you mean buck instead of fuck but switching a b for an f really does not matter
2204561 I meant what I wrote as it pertains to the curses; that's why Shining mentions the fact he used 'real' curses.
Cadance is dead; Shining said so in his diary entry at the end. And there's no mind-fuck I-was-in-hiding-all-along trickery here; she's as dead as dead can be.
Oh Spike is around. In fact he's right there, in the background...
What makes you so sure that it's indeed the main 6 that are Celestia's supersoldiers? I just said there were six of those soldiers, there could be more. Those could just be generic prototypes. There could be a whole army of them brewing.
Actually, that's a good idea.
Thanks for reading!
2204600 Oh, I forgot about that
And seriousy? Where the buck have I been
really? Shit.....how does the Goddess of Love die though? Did she fade? Was she killed by another of the Gods? HOW DID SHE DIE?
That is a great idea
And Celestia is a Goddess so of course I would not expect anypony to be against it, you don't deny one of the Gods
Huh, well hope to at least hear metion of him soon
This is going to be fun
Damn.....I'm so confused about what the buck sort of machines they have, I have no idea what is happening
Gods, this is getting intense, wondfer who the creature was though, friend or foe, shit this is getting good, love it
2236628 oh believe me, that "creature"(it's actually a machine fully manned and operated by a single pilot) is wholly foe to the Peace Fighters.
You played metal Gear..................
Now all things are starting to add up.........
2248857
Heheheee...
And I thought Inferno Demon Dash's stories are dark..............
This might just rival his works......
2278755 This is war, of course it's going to be dark bro
I deal with dark and tragic, this boy right here is a master at war stories and romance, not so different really.
Anyway, damn, sometimes you just snap huh? I have a feeling the mare likes him a bit more then she let's on, I'm down
Wow, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, no saying could be more true...wonder if Armor could get Discord (God of Chaos and Dishamrony) to aid them, I doubt Discord will listen to a bunch of mortlas but any aid is better then none, eh? Will Derpy Hooves or the Mane Six asnd Spike be in this soon? What about any minor villains?
2280437 Derpy will not be in this story at all, unless she's suffering a gruesome and violent death.
As for the main six, well... Look a bit closer at Luna and Celestia's chat at the beginning of the chapter...
2280542 NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOW COULD YOU
Huh, never noticed that
2280437 Yup if Armor consider that then he is really out of his head!
I loved the CQC scene, it was awesome
Also the part of the chapter that is from twilights perspective (not MAGIC Gears) got me thinking, if shining could break the brain washing on the 6 of them, who would they fight for, and would they even fight. Because Twilight has already discovered that she was lied to and would realise she was brainwashed, which is a pretty good recipe for a rage-shift twilight
I think I am over thinking this, but what I do know is that the next few chapters are going to be a fun ride
EDIT: They really need to fix the support on mobile devices, I don't know if it is just me but every time I post a comment, it doesn't work, whenever I read a notification, it won't disappear (and when I press mark all read I get the same problem I get with posting comments) and I'm always having to go on my PC to pump out comments
Damn, the gear premits the Elements from even knowing that they are being controlled, damn, Gods can be very brutel when it comes to war, shit. All I was thinking about during the hoof to hoof fight was: FINISH HIM! But shit, it's not so easy, how dare a mortal challanges the gods though. Damn, I love every single second of this, can't wait for more
2304142
Stop using the site on your mobile then. Of course that's hardly the point(the site should work no matter what device you're using to access it) but I guess that's not in the cards until Knightly thinks "oh yeah, I should probably fix this."
2305880
You need to get over your hatred of Shining; it's getting a little irritating seeing you constantly expressing desire for his death/suffering, and then stating dissatisfaction when it doesn't happen.
Besides, by the end of the story, you'll be loving Shining Armor for having the balls to stand up to the Princesses.
Thanks for reading, guys! Hope you'll all continue to stick around for more of this story.
2310407 Never!!!!!
Nah but seriously, I'm not a fan so I'll stop wanting his death for this story but I won't have any respect for him. That's like telling me to read and love a Spike/Rarity (That will NEVER happen, EVER!!!!
) so yeah.....you'll still have me as a fan and I'll shut up but no love for Armor.....ever.
2319527 Nobody ever said you had to stop commenting all together, but thanks for deciding to keep it down as it pertains to your hatred of Shining.
Speaking of "Shiny" where's that incest clopfic of him and Twilight Sparkle I was thinking of doing...
2319974 And I never shall, I'll always be a fan of your work...weather you want me to or not
But yes,I shall close my mouth during this story about Armor.
Hmmm....not a bad idea, I'm in
I made a comment about something on this chapter and because of compatibility issues, it didn't come through and I forgot to fix it, I can't remember what I wrote but it was something like
If the IMRT-96 is capable of taking out metal lance, why don,'t they just make more IMRT-96s
2365139 Because 1: the Peace Fighters stole the IMRT, they didn't make it, and the Princesses weren't looking for tanks to destroy their other tanks. And 2: the IMRT is colossally expensive and very large, making it difficult for an independent army to make their own copies. The Canines can't help them there either because their steel industry isn't as significant as the Changelings' is.
For scale reference the IMRT's railgun was able to shoot over the rooftops of three-story buildings in the Canine capital. It's a BIG tank. It's probably bigger than railroad artillery guns of old.
2365281 I actually meant Celestia and Luna making more IMRT's but those are still good points.
Now that I think about, what is the size difference between the IMRT and METAL LANCE
2365328 The IMRT is much taller and bigger than the friendly little LANCE. At its peak IMRT is about four stories tall, whereas LANCE is about 2 stories. About 40 and 20 feet, respectively.
I've made both vehicles in Minecraft, so I'll post pictures once Act One is finished.
I'm hoping chrsyalis teams up with the peace fighters, mainly because of how awesome it would be if ELEMENT GEAR suddenly turned into 6 changelings right in front of celestia.
now was the spider tanks operator part of ELEMENT GEAR, or just wearing the same/similar armour
edit: I also fixed the compatibility issues I was having, turns out that the chrome app on the Nexus 7 is really crap so I just downloaded firefox
2381501 "METAL GEAR"
LOL that's a good one, brush!
Nah but I just gave the operator similar armor. ELEMENT GEAR is comprised solely of Twilight and her friends(for now, anyway... Hehehe).
2381771 "METAL GEAR"?
I don't know what you are talking about
at all
2381932
Gods, that's how you take down a metal monster
Great job Peace Fighters, one enemy down, about 10,000 more to go
Oh shit, did Armor kill Twilight? Gods, I hope not, I wonder if we can get Act Two in a different viewpoint, maybe an older Spike even? Damn, this is getting so bucking crazy, love every sercond, they done good for taking a big blow to the Princesses, wonder if Discord will be in this, they could use another of the Gods on their side with Cadence dead
Shit.....hoping to get more info on Element Gear
This....is going to be fun
Wonder if the CMC can be in this?
So the dragon has black armor yet is known as Red dragon? How odd
At any rate, I doubt he is Spike, unless his eyes change with the armor....hmmm....so Shining is possibly dead, well, can't say I mind and it's a nice twist
Impressive, Damn, they seriously know how to fight, you know your way around weapons and armor that's for sure. Love it, I'll be waiting for more, normally I would dislike OC'S but you done such a great job that I respect yours, hoping to see creatures that are known in the show though, if anything but for now, great job. 
I wonder how the changelings ended up allied with the imperials.
unless that was already explained and I forgot which is highly likley
2458581 Nah I haven't explained that one yet. Maybe later in Act Two.
2453056
See, I'm really bad at writing, so basically what I meant there is that Red Dragon's wearing a HELMET that covers his entire head, and the VISOR is red, not his actual eyes.
I just realised this was on Fimfiction.
Ah well, can't win 'em all.
Also, when I read the Cargo ships, My though process was like,
'Now I want to play World At War.'
2472049 Oh it's a LOT better to read my stories on FIMFiction, since I can include music and what not.
2472169
Exactly.