On the windswept western flats between Appleloosa and the Great Buffalo Plains sat four stallions, their faces illuminated by flickering firelight under a cloudy and moonless sky. Midnight breeze rustled leaves and sand but failed to hide an eerie wail coming from somewhere deep, distant, and cold.
A massive chestnut pony drew a ten-gallon hat low across his shifting eyes. “Hear that, fellas? That there’s the Headless Horse. I’d know that howl anywhere. Racket and ruckus like that don’t come from nowhere else. They say the Horse don’t ever mean ta kill, that it just delights in ruinin’ all it touches. Any it comes near - they’s finished.” Drawing a weatherworn vest closer around his barrel chest, he sheered and continued, “It’s like it’d rather strip a stallion o’ every bit he’s got just to see ‘im broke, then drain off his sanity just to see ‘im squirm.”
Holding his wrinkled and calloused hooves a hair’s breadth from the licking flames, a wizened and graying stallion rocked back and forth. “Seen the Headless Horse take out a whole squad o’ Royal Guards, I have. This was back in my younger days, mind ya, when the Guard was a touch bunch o’ cusses, big as Bison, not them namby-pamby whitewashed colts they got nowadays.” He stretched his stooped back and grunted before settling back to his place at the roaring fire. “Bunch o’ ornery Guards on weekend leave, thought they could take on the Headless Horse an’ make a name for themselves. They got famous, alright - morning shift found ‘em scattered across the forest, witless an’ stumblin’, not a one of ‘em fit to talk nor walk. They all made it back, I hear, but they weren’t never in a shape to guard nothin’ after that.”
A thin, wiry stallion sat back from the warming fire, shadows dancing deep and dark over his angular muzzle. “Families. Headless eats families.” His voice was hollow and monotone and he seemed never to blink as he droned into the coals. “Stallion goes to Headless, don’t come home again. His mare goes looking, don’t come home again. Mare and Stallion find Headless Horse together, mare and stallion never found again. If one encounters Headless and lives, family is doomed. Violence follows survivor home.”
“Foals,” said the smallest of the four, “it’s what it does to foals that’s the worst.” The little palomino clutched tightly to his empty mug, his eyes wide and unblinking. “Leaves ‘em fatherless. Motherless. Rips away brothers and sisters. The little foals got no defense, ‘cause that… that thing takes some kinda sick pleasure in tearin’ whole families apart.”
He shut his eyes tightly, and dropping his cup to the dusty earth, lay his head in his rough and shaking hooves. “I should know. Bastard killed my own father - left him in a pool of his own blood an’ bile. Momma tried to resist, but once Headless got ahold… well, she weren’t never the same. Just sat in the corner mumblin’, her tongue lollin’ out like she was some kinda walkin’ corpse. I ran as far from it as I could. I swear, sometimes I can hear the noises it makes, even out here on the plains, like the wind just can’t help but carry all the cryin’ and dyin’ straight back to me.”
Jumping to his hooves, the towering chestnut stallion tipped his hat back and spit into the blaze. “I cain’t stand it no more! I gotta know for myself, and I gotta know tonight. Pops, where can I find this here Headless Horse?”
Eyes reduced to pinpricks, the palomino shook wildly and put a hoof on his friend’s withers. “But… But you can’t go! Ain’t you been listenin’? Headless Horse’ll do you in! Ain’t no pony can handle it, big or small, and just cause you’re strong don’t mean…”
“Let ‘im go, sonny.” All eyes turned toward the elderly stallion, still keeping his hooves to the flames. “If’n he aims to waste all he’s got, that’s his business. Sometimes the only way a pony can learn what he’s got to lose is by losin’ it all.”
The hulking stallion shook off the palomino’s hoof, thumped his barn-broad chest, and smiled. “I ain’t some foal and I ain’t some snot-nose Royal Guard. Ain’t got a mare waitin’ on me an’ wailin’ when I don’t come home. And kid, I ain’t your dead daddy. So pops, give it up - where’s the Headless Horse?”
Looking up through squinting and tired eyes, the old pony coughed and pointed a hoof toward the east. “Follow the trail back toward Appleloosa. ‘Bout a mile outside o’ town, you’ll see it. Rickety old building with a statue of a pony outside, missin’ its head, o’ course. That’s how you’ll know it, son - the Headless Horse Saloon. But I’m warnin’ ya, boy - Headless Horse Saloon ain’t got no mercy and it ain’t got no law save wreckin’ ya. You step through them doors, fella, and you’re takin’ your soul in your own hooves.”
Random collection of short stories?
Commence read.
Ugh, I'm running out of room in my "Stories I Am Legit Addicted To" box!
On to-read list because I never expected to see a Lexx reference on here.
2084379
Go for it! People who follow Thirty Minute Ponies may have seen some of these before, though the ones here have been edited and in some cases expanded.
2084382
I'm still squee-ing after seeing my name in lights like that.
2084422
Didn't care for the Fire and Water seasons as much, and the last season on Earth wasn't my favorite by far, but it was still Lexx. As I told someone via PM recently, I don't plan on writing any MLP / Lexx crossovers - they'd be too short:
Lexx: "I see a planet, Stan. "
Stan: "Great! Who's living there? Hot love slaves? Frisky plant-women?"
Lexx: "No, just pretty colorful ponies, Stan."
Kai: "We should avoid this place, Stanley. The dead do not 'smile, smile, smile'."
Stan: "Ugh... Now I know we're in the Dark Zone. Okay, Lexx, blow it up and eat it. Wake me when you find some space babes."
Lexx: "Anything you say, Stan."
2084453 You deserve it, bro /)
These seem to be somewhat more melancholy than the rest of your work.
Not worse for it just different.
2084461
Gracias.
2084498>>2084840
Indeed. The ponies all went on to happier places, to varying degrees, but some things... just aren't forever.
2085295
So far, I suppose they are. There are some funnier chapters coming, I promise. The only things that won't eventually make it here are the stories that just plain flopped.
2086337>>2086698
Hehehe! I was hoping for that. I wanted that last line to be sort of gutwrenching as you feel the depth of Falcon's disgust, and just plain silly as you realize what's got Falcon in such a snit to begin with.
2086863
Either way, AJ's in for a loooong night.
And how do my stories trap you? Easy, like so:
"Oh look, another chapter. It's only 1000 words, it'll just take a minute. Well, that was fun. But..."
"Oh look, another chapter. It's only 1000 words, it'll just take a minute. Well, that was fun. But..."
"Oh look, another chapter. It's only 1000 words, it'll just take a minute. Well, that was fun. But..."
2086927
For a tree, you weep. Applejack and Bloomberg would be proud!
2086869 De nada.
dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before