Alright an update! One with lots of character/story development very nice. Always nice to see a bit of backstory info on conflicting parties. Definitely looking forward to your next update Type.
Quite the enjoyable chapter, I like this. I really laughed at the scene when Sam makes fun of one of the Equestria Rulers where Lucky would snapped back by saying how he wasn't making fun of Sam's president, in which Sam revealed he's Canadian and he doesn't have a damn, man i liked that scene so I take it your either a Canadian yourself or know one.
I enjoy the layout that you presented on this story with a nice, subtle, minor introductions before starting off the chapter, it's been enjoyable and intriguing to see thus far. Good to see how Matt tries to make a point about how human is raised to stand against things (ie being in hard situation), which he explained poorly, as he made Lucky think of him as an asshole. Now we get to see the good qualities as he stands up against his human fellows who makes prejudice remarks against Diamond Dogs, as other patrons simply watch, who seemed to have left a bad taste in pony societies. I can see that, despite that he wont be willing to commit to a relationship with a pony or diamond dog, he's willing to treat each different races with 'love and respect'.
Anyhow, it's funny enough how the females, like Rebecca, would try to force Matt into a relationship with Raven, who recently went out of a bad relationship and had the 'hots' for Matt, by first having him drunk then 'introduce' him to Raven...Sounds like Rebecca is a bad matchmaker. Anyhow, it's indeed laughable how basically everyone's pissed at him for not being couples with her when he was drunk that night yet, should the situation be reversed (in terms of principle mind you), that Raven would get off scot-free and Matt would be still be in the same situation for "taking advantage of her".
Overall, very nice chapter, I love the story you have so far as a Mature Story and can't wait to see more. Keep up the good work man!
"But that's not what happened." Lucky countered, chomping on the last remaining chip between his molars. "You're upset that you fucked Raven instead of Becky."
Clarifying this right now, you can't give consent while under the influence, and from the impression the description you gave us left, whatever he drank was serious stuff, not just alcohol anyway.
He'd have plenty of grounds to stand on. But that's not what's important in the story anyway, I just find that aggravating thinking about real cases where people claim that what they did was perfectly okay.
Now, this chapter was much better. Glad to see that Matt has some allies in Sam and Lucky (somewhat). I do agree with MerlosTheMad and Redskin122004 though that there is some incredibly flawed logic in what Lucky said to Matt. It doesn't matter if Matt thought it was Becky or not. He was in no condition to give consent.
I hate to leave a lengthy, negative comment immediately following a lengthy, negative comment, but, well, it just turned out that way.
Crossing this off my reading list, after so many years, because it was simply not pleasant to read. Others have said much about the consent issue - Matt was raped in the first chapter. This wasn't so clear in the moment, but we learn in the second chapter that Rebecca and Raven planned to switch places as a set-up tactic, and did so while he was too drunk and drugged up to know what was happening. Nothing I've said so far is a problem in itself...
However, the problems start after Rebecca explains this, and Matt doesn't understand that that's rape, or that he should be blaming Rebecca for it rather than himself. Not great, but perhaps it's going somewhere... it is sometimes very hard to recognize when we have been violated.
I think the third chapter is the place where it falls apart. Rather than directly addressing the rape question, it's more or less backfilled through dialogue with Lucky and Sam - now Matt recognizes it, though it's not clear what has changed in his thinking between this chapter and the last one. This is a fundamental, if not critical, problem in the very premise of the story. On top of that, the technical quality of this chapter is pretty bad. It wasn't flawless before, but it's noticeably worse now. Lots of spelling & punctuation mistakes, general lack of clarity in the denser scenes, so it goes.
All this is, I think, evidence that this fic was written and published a chapter at a time. Perhaps it could have been improved if more had been written in advance, and you put more time into editing with consideration for the whole story. Oh well.
Some of your other stories are on my reading list, so maybe I'll see some improvement when I get to those. Either way, I see you haven't been too active on the site lately, but I do hope you continue writing in one form or another - beneath my complaint is a deep respect for your creativity and effort. Would be a shame not to see that continue.
more soon I hope
Just out of curiosity... you read Xenophilia? because there's a LOT of similarities here... and tbh, i kinda like it
Alright an update! One with lots of character/story development very nice. Always nice to see a bit of backstory info on conflicting parties. Definitely looking forward to your next update Type.
A whole chapter dedicated to plot development and and a quick lesson on how ponies and humans handle racial (or in this case, species) discrimination.
Adding to favorites now. :D
Quite the enjoyable chapter, I like this. I really laughed at the scene when Sam makes fun of one of the Equestria Rulers where Lucky would snapped back by saying how he wasn't making fun of Sam's president, in which Sam revealed he's Canadian and he doesn't have a damn, man i liked that scene so I take it your either a Canadian yourself or know one.
I enjoy the layout that you presented on this story with a nice, subtle, minor introductions before starting off the chapter, it's been enjoyable and intriguing to see thus far. Good to see how Matt tries to make a point about how human is raised to stand against things (ie being in hard situation), which he explained poorly, as he made Lucky think of him as an asshole. Now we get to see the good qualities as he stands up against his human fellows who makes prejudice remarks against Diamond Dogs, as other patrons simply watch, who seemed to have left a bad taste in pony societies. I can see that, despite that he wont be willing to commit to a relationship with a pony or diamond dog, he's willing to treat each different races with 'love and respect'.
Anyhow, it's funny enough how the females, like Rebecca, would try to force Matt into a relationship with Raven, who recently went out of a bad relationship and had the 'hots' for Matt, by first having him drunk then 'introduce' him to Raven...Sounds like Rebecca is a bad matchmaker. Anyhow, it's indeed laughable how basically everyone's pissed at him for not being couples with her when he was drunk that night yet, should the situation be reversed (in terms of principle mind you), that Raven would get off scot-free and Matt would be still be in the same situation for "taking advantage of her".
Overall, very nice chapter, I love the story you have so far as a Mature Story and can't wait to see more. Keep up the good work man!
Ok I haven't laughed so hard from a fic in a looong time. Great job.
I don't think I got them all, but here are some Ch3 errors for you.
There are definitely a few "I" that aren't capped.
Clarifying this right now, you can't give consent while under the influence, and from the impression the description you gave us left, whatever he drank was serious stuff, not just alcohol anyway.
He'd have plenty of grounds to stand on. But that's not what's important in the story anyway, I just find that aggravating thinking about real cases where people claim that what they did was perfectly okay.
This story is beginning to piss me off with its flawed logic that the characters employ.
Especially the one from lucky about raven not being Becky.
Being a Canadian, I highly enjoyed this, as I to have said something similar to a friend in real life
Now, this chapter was much better. Glad to see that Matt has some allies in Sam and Lucky (somewhat). I do agree with MerlosTheMad and Redskin122004 though that there is some incredibly flawed logic in what Lucky said to Matt. It doesn't matter if Matt thought it was Becky or not. He was in no condition to give consent.
I hate to leave a lengthy, negative comment immediately following a lengthy, negative comment, but, well, it just turned out that way.
Crossing this off my reading list, after so many years, because it was simply not pleasant to read. Others have said much about the consent issue - Matt was raped in the first chapter. This wasn't so clear in the moment, but we learn in the second chapter that Rebecca and Raven planned to switch places as a set-up tactic, and did so while he was too drunk and drugged up to know what was happening. Nothing I've said so far is a problem in itself...
However, the problems start after Rebecca explains this, and Matt doesn't understand that that's rape, or that he should be blaming Rebecca for it rather than himself. Not great, but perhaps it's going somewhere... it is sometimes very hard to recognize when we have been violated.
I think the third chapter is the place where it falls apart. Rather than directly addressing the rape question, it's more or less backfilled through dialogue with Lucky and Sam - now Matt recognizes it, though it's not clear what has changed in his thinking between this chapter and the last one. This is a fundamental, if not critical, problem in the very premise of the story. On top of that, the technical quality of this chapter is pretty bad. It wasn't flawless before, but it's noticeably worse now. Lots of spelling & punctuation mistakes, general lack of clarity in the denser scenes, so it goes.
All this is, I think, evidence that this fic was written and published a chapter at a time. Perhaps it could have been improved if more had been written in advance, and you put more time into editing with consideration for the whole story. Oh well.
Some of your other stories are on my reading list, so maybe I'll see some improvement when I get to those. Either way, I see you haven't been too active on the site lately, but I do hope you continue writing in one form or another - beneath my complaint is a deep respect for your creativity and effort. Would be a shame not to see that continue.