I hate everything about it! You are a horrible writer and should never get likes or favorites! I especially hated the classroom scene, and Topsy Turvy is the worst character ever! I hope you never update again, cause I won't be watching you!
I will explain the joke because readers should be stupid and not get it for themselves.
20472472047252 Glad you like it, but you should give Paleo Prints (now added in the author's notes) your praise as the reverse speak was his idea (as far as I know).
Hm, I like it so far, but I'm not entirely sure what to expect. Anyway, I like Topsy/Screwball a lot here. Even if she wasn't your idea, it was good that you put her in.
From reading the description of the story I was laughing madly at the absurdity of the story premise and now at how well you're executing it with a masterful touch. The conflict of Twilight, the adorableness of the fillies, and all of it tempered by the impending sense of doom in the form of "No Twilight, No!" is awesome. I haven't the foggiest how this story will be going, as expected since you don't have that planned yourself, but I know it'll be a lot of fun watching it play out.
Oh, I was asking if you would show the class what you could use me as an example for the class.
I'm... not entirely sure what this sentence was supposed to be, but I think you started off with one version and switched to a different version partway through.
Cheerilee smiled and patted the shaken mare’s shoulder. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I don’t mind the touching. It’s much better than possibly embarrassing one of the foals.”
Twilight glanced at the ponies sitting in the half-circle and bit her bottom lip. Oh, intentional or not, you just had to use guilt against me.... I don’t want to do that to them, but.... “I just don’t feel comfortable touching your... uhm... delicates.”
"Ohh.... Well, would you mind modelling for me, then? You don't have to, but it's the only choice we have other than a volunteer...." The mare smiled awkwardly at her scholarly friend as she patted her shoulder consolingly. "You could always imagine that it's a pony you like instead of me touching you."
Well damn! I wasn't expecting that from this Cherilee at all! Is she secretly a pervert or is she just REALLY chill about that stuff?
And Topsy Turvy? In foalcon!? That's a first for me!.....Please be gentle.
So this is interesting. As others have noted, the strongest part of this story is the impending sense of Oh-Twilight-No - which is only going to get worse after this season finishes dropping its bombshells.
(I'm very confident in my read on her in canon. Perhaps too confident... Twi's special talent is literally talents. She makes a natural coach and teacher because of it.)
So I also have to pick on the part that doesn't make much sense: what the fuck's up with Cheerilee? I mean - sex ed classes tend to be very fucked up in the real world precisely because they completely ignore emotional anatomy for the physical. But you sir have taken that plenty far, to what would be satirical levels except that ...
Except that we can't get a good picture of the exaggeration because the whole thing is warped by Twilight's perspective. So it doesn't work as satire, it's just unsettling and raises a lot of questions.
This is a pretty good set-up. The heart of the matter is where you go with it and how of course. I'm actually looking forward to this continuing now.
204728820481912048535 Please, let's keep this stuff to PM's. Back and forth speculation is fine, but, while I like people getting along, I do not like getting 24768347 notifications about random stuff that can be put in message/user page form (plus it throws off actual comments counts). Thankee~
20484562050816 Well, they're ponies and, unlike humans, they go through a period that makes them much more vulnerable to males. If you don't tell them this stuff, then bam! Issues. Plus, sexual anatomy is helpful. I'm sure plenty of kids went through the 'Oh god my (genital area) is feeling weird, I must be weird' stage because parents/teachers are too afraid to tell them anything. Typically, the higher paid schools in Equestria have books and diagrams pre-made for them to help with this, but Ponyville is still a pretty new town, having not even gone through one full generation (i.e. Granny Smith is still around). It's not surprising that they have little funding other than out-of-pocket by Cheers. Now, nothing sexual actually happens, she just points out the areas and pulls apart one side (when she had a filly demonstrate, she would always make sure the filly was okay with it) and explains there. She doesn't go into full detail about how ponies have sex, just: Penis goes into vagina, ejaculates, and baby begins brewing. Nothing explicit. Again, schools, such as the one Twilight went to, have the funding to afford the easy way out, hence why she was confused and part of the reason she was reluctant (the other being she knew that it would probably get her going. Such a foalophile.) Cheers has also had to do this year after year since becoming a teacher. Even for the colts.
2051202 I don't know whether to feel stupid for not noticing, or excited that the story being broken into parts implies that this is going to be a, fairly, long ride...
2051227 Well, if ya check my blogs, you'll see why it's broken up. Gonna do single filly romance in run one, then run two is going to be harem route. She'll still sex every filly beforehand either way. Or most of them.
2051202 For the first part... Sorry, I didn't think it would disturb you and I honestly forget that the author has to read this stuff so I'll keep it in mind.
For the second part... So that's it. Cherilee is just working with what she can so she really is just being fair about it. I got my lesson by sixth grade but apparently there are still many schools that seem lack something so basic; Real shame too.
As for the third part... Sweet delicious plot coming soon to a fanfiction near you!
Part of me wonders if I should be this excited about a story of this nature... Then the rest of my brain beats up the first half and points out all the schoolgirl yuri manga I've read. This is fantastic. I'm actually torn between this and ATFN as your best work. ATFN only beats this because it has so many more chapters on it. God, I'm such a sucker for lesbian romance.
Screwball was a nice surprise, though I thought she looked older than all the fillies on the show. I kinda thought she was just a few years younger than Twilight (the youngest of the mane-6 in my headcanon), at the very least. Now, I can't wait for you to get to Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. Are you gonna involve Twist as well?
2058022 Of course Twist is gonna be in here. Twist is awesome (yay gingers)! And as for Topsy's age, she is technically probably a mare, about the same age as Twi and the others, but I think she's better as a filly. Also, yuri lolicon is best.
So you regressed her age? Yeah, I could see that happening. I could even see her aging backwards like the Orkans from Mork and Mindy. It would make for an interesting fic. If you like Yuri lolicon, I can recommend some to you, both clean and dirty if you like. We can compare collections, though that might be best in PM's.
I'm not sure what's weirder. The fact that there's a character that speaks in opposites, or the fact that it didn't take long for me to get used to it and translate her sentences as I read them.
I look forward to fillyfooling but I would very much like to see Twilight become a guardian to Topsy. I love her so very much. Maybe intending to molest her but loving her so much she can't do it. Hold no bars when it comes to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
So far, this has been fantastic, especially from a characterization standpoint. I usually expect foalcon fics to involve somepony acting wildly out of character, likely with a rapist mentality. I cannot begin to say how relieved I was to see Twilight acting like... Twilight, just dealing with her fetish being everywhere. Most notable here, where she's alone with a filly she's crushing on, but just acts kind and sweet like we'd expect from the show... While fantasizing after.
Topsy herself seems pretty interesting so far. Not too much to go on yet, but her verbal inversioin is fun, and I'm kind of curious about her origins, if you're going to go into that. Unless that's part of School Daze...
I hate everything about it! You are a horrible writer and should never get likes or favorites! I especially hated the classroom scene, and Topsy Turvy is the worst character ever! I hope you never update again, cause I won't be watching you!
I will explain the joke because readers should be stupid and not get it for themselves.
Hate you never!
I find the character that is topsy turvy absolutely wonderful.
Dem opposites, bro.
2047247 2047252 Glad you like it, but you should give Paleo Prints (now added in the author's notes) your praise as the reverse speak was his idea (as far as I know).
Hm, I like it so far, but I'm not entirely sure what to expect. Anyway, I like Topsy/Screwball a lot here. Even if she wasn't your idea, it was good that you put her in.
Commence read.
Now the filly of the moment has been revealed. Nice and interesting choice.
I fucking support this!!!!!!!
From reading the description of the story I was laughing madly at the absurdity of the story premise and now at how well you're executing it with a masterful touch. The conflict of Twilight, the adorableness of the fillies, and all of it tempered by the impending sense of doom in the form of "No Twilight, No!" is awesome. I haven't the foggiest how this story will be going, as expected since you don't have that planned yourself, but I know it'll be a lot of fun watching it play out.
I'm... not entirely sure what this sentence was supposed to be, but I think you started off with one version and switched to a different version partway through.
2047905 You would be correct. Let me just revise that....
2047782 Hope ya enjoy the ride~
2047387 Screwball is so adorable, especially with the backwards compatibility, I mean speech.
There's nothing really to say but:
media1.annabrixthomsen.com/2012/06/OLAF-BREUNING-i-want-more-768x1024.jpg
2048191 Fellow Kamen Rider fan! Let us take our conversation into PMs!
That's a quite story so far, I hope that the next update will be quicker, because honestly, I completely forgot, that I had it favorited
Well damn! I wasn't expecting that from this Cherilee at all! Is she secretly a pervert or is she just REALLY chill about that stuff?
And Topsy Turvy? In foalcon!? That's a first for me!.....Please be gentle.
2047288 Again, we meet! Are you well?
Are we gonna see any plot any time soon? And not the one you're most likely thinking of.
When shall we reach ch. 2?
Aww I love topsy
Hmmm...
So this is interesting. As others have noted, the strongest part of this story is the impending sense of Oh-Twilight-No - which is only going to get worse after this season finishes dropping its bombshells.
(I'm very confident in my read on her in canon. Perhaps too confident... Twi's special talent is literally talents. She makes a natural coach and teacher because of it.)
So I also have to pick on the part that doesn't make much sense: what the fuck's up with Cheerilee? I mean - sex ed classes tend to be very fucked up in the real world precisely because they completely ignore emotional anatomy for the physical. But you sir have taken that plenty far, to what would be satirical levels except that ...
Except that we can't get a good picture of the exaggeration because the whole thing is warped by Twilight's perspective. So it doesn't work as satire, it's just unsettling and raises a lot of questions.
This is a pretty good set-up. The heart of the matter is where you go with it and how of course. I'm actually looking forward to this continuing now.
2047288 2048191 2048535 Please, let's keep this stuff to PM's. Back and forth speculation is fine, but, while I like people getting along, I do not like getting 24768347 notifications about random stuff that can be put in message/user page form (plus it throws off actual comments counts). Thankee~
2048456 2050816 Well, they're ponies and, unlike humans, they go through a period that makes them much more vulnerable to males. If you don't tell them this stuff, then bam! Issues. Plus, sexual anatomy is helpful. I'm sure plenty of kids went through the 'Oh god my (genital area) is feeling weird, I must be weird' stage because parents/teachers are too afraid to tell them anything. Typically, the higher paid schools in Equestria have books and diagrams pre-made for them to help with this, but Ponyville is still a pretty new town, having not even gone through one full generation (i.e. Granny Smith is still around). It's not surprising that they have little funding other than out-of-pocket by Cheers. Now, nothing sexual actually happens, she just points out the areas and pulls apart one side (when she had a filly demonstrate, she would always make sure the filly was okay with it) and explains there. She doesn't go into full detail about how ponies have sex, just: Penis goes into vagina, ejaculates, and baby begins brewing. Nothing explicit. Again, schools, such as the one Twilight went to, have the funding to afford the easy way out, hence why she was confused and part of the reason she was reluctant (the other being she knew that it would probably get her going. Such a foalophile.) Cheers has also had to do this year after year since becoming a teacher. Even for the colts.
2048456 She is such a cutie patootie~
2050135 Wat?
2049955 You have reached Chapter 3 already. Part 1, chapter 3.
2050453 She is best filly. Sweetie has been replaced.
2049099 I assume you mean like her secret 'coming out'? Yes, there will be plot. And pony butt.
2048238 It wasn't that long ago *huffs*
2051202 I don't know whether to feel stupid for not noticing, or excited that the story being broken into parts implies that this is going to be a, fairly, long ride...
2051227 Well, if ya check my blogs, you'll see why it's broken up. Gonna do single filly romance in run one, then run two is going to be harem route. She'll still sex every filly beforehand either way. Or most of them.
2051237 Understood. Thanks for clearing that up.
2051310 Other ponies following after Topsy. Twilight didn't see them, or their hoofprints, because she closed the door.
2051365 Hehe. I was hoping to keep it rather suspenseful, but at least you still don't know who it is.
2051202 For the first part... Sorry, I didn't think it would disturb you and I honestly forget that the author has to read this stuff so I'll keep it in mind.
For the second part... So that's it. Cherilee is just working with what she can so she really is just being fair about it. I got my lesson by sixth grade but apparently there are still many schools that seem lack something so basic; Real shame too.
As for the third part... Sweet delicious plot coming soon to a fanfiction near you!
Part of me wonders if I should be this excited about a story of this nature... Then the rest of my brain beats up the first half and points out all the schoolgirl yuri manga I've read. This is fantastic. I'm actually torn between this and ATFN as your best work. ATFN only beats this because it has so many more chapters on it. God, I'm such a sucker for lesbian romance.
Screwball was a nice surprise, though I thought she looked older than all the fillies on the show. I kinda thought she was just a few years younger than Twilight (the youngest of the mane-6 in my headcanon), at the very least. Now, I can't wait for you to get to Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. Are you gonna involve Twist as well?
2058022 Of course Twist is gonna be in here. Twist is awesome (yay gingers)! And as for Topsy's age, she is technically probably a mare, about the same age as Twi and the others, but I think she's better as a filly. Also, yuri lolicon is best.
So you regressed her age? Yeah, I could see that happening. I could even see her aging backwards like the Orkans from Mork and Mindy. It would make for an interesting fic. If you like Yuri lolicon, I can recommend some to you, both clean and dirty if you like. We can compare collections, though that might be best in PM's.
2058063 Hehe, I haven't seen any anime/hentai, but plenty of manga/doujinshis, but its been a while. PMs would work though.
Well, didn't see that coming.
I'm not sure what's weirder. The fact that there's a character that speaks in opposites, or the fact that it didn't take long for me to get used to it and translate her sentences as I read them.
I look forward to fillyfooling but I would very much like to see Twilight become a guardian to Topsy. I love her so very much. Maybe intending to molest her but loving her so much she can't do it. Hold no bars when it comes to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
So far, this has been fantastic, especially from a characterization standpoint. I usually expect foalcon fics to involve somepony acting wildly out of character, likely with a rapist mentality. I cannot begin to say how relieved I was to see Twilight acting like... Twilight, just dealing with her fetish being everywhere. Most notable here, where she's alone with a filly she's crushing on, but just acts kind and sweet like we'd expect from the show... While fantasizing after.
Topsy herself seems pretty interesting so far. Not too much to go on yet, but her verbal inversioin is fun, and I'm kind of curious about her origins, if you're going to go into that. Unless that's part of School Daze...