Hmm, a really decent start for a story. A character who has self-esteem, or like yo said, self-loathing, issues but doesn't affect his social skills & communication when he speaks to other characters as well good posture (if not have a good head on his shoulder of what he sould ask and shouldn't ask). Nice too for the main character can be negative, but not too negative, and despite being a third wheel or being asocial, he has redeeming characteristics as he pushes himself to find a sense of belonging and actually considers his opportunity to be trained by a professional flyer, with non-romantic interest......as of the moment.
Overall, nice character as he is neither too pity or low, nor is he super-important or powered individual, and is rather fit right in the middle with redeeming qualities and have weakness in form of personality as well as physique. Nice touch of dialogue too as how there is little to no intentional awkward romance scenes that both characters doesn't seem to notice and gets moved on by it (unlike most romances, both clop or not) , if not have some backlashes, or as the case in the hospital, self-backlashes for realizing what he has done.
Good character of Spitfire, but one can see that she have a deeper complexity in the dialogue that was given in this chapter, shall be intriguing to see what you have cooked up for her. Nice too that she is not too forward to help the character out, as it could be hinted that she was stuck in a similar position, and doesn't necessarily have romantic interest with him at the moment.
The interaction with these two characters are pretty nice, down-to-earth, and pretty realistic when characters respond with emotions and facial expressions. Good to see that not all dialogue can be happy, if not simple, in the beginning for whats the good drama story with having a personality that we can relate too and expect the same emotional and behavior response to the situation.
However, despite the story being good, it is not without errors. One would be at the first paragraph as it is not indented "or tapped", and the second being the following sentence that I happen to forget as I lost the sentence I copied. Other than 2 errors that I shall, the chapter itself is nearly flawless from mistakes.
I'll be looking forward to this romance story as how these two diverse (personality-wise) characters gets to know each other and develops a slow, and steady relationship from strangers to friends, to good friends and maybe more. Keep up the good work man
I usually start work on the next chapter as soon as the previous one is posted. Sure, sometimes there are unforseen delays, but they get posted sooner or later. Preferably sooner.
"you have steely blue eyes, and your hair is a shade of dark brown. " Fuck you... thanks for summing me up and if you want me to prove it I'll send you a pic of me
Hmm, a really decent start for a story. A character who has self-esteem, or like yo said, self-loathing, issues but doesn't affect his social skills & communication when he speaks to other characters as well good posture (if not have a good head on his shoulder of what he sould ask and shouldn't ask). Nice too for the main character can be negative, but not too negative, and despite being a third wheel or being asocial, he has redeeming characteristics as he pushes himself to find a sense of belonging and actually considers his opportunity to be trained by a professional flyer, with non-romantic interest......as of the moment.
Overall, nice character as he is neither too pity or low, nor is he super-important or powered individual, and is rather fit right in the middle with redeeming qualities and have weakness in form of personality as well as physique. Nice touch of dialogue too as how there is little to no intentional awkward romance scenes that both characters doesn't seem to notice and gets moved on by it (unlike most romances, both clop or not) , if not have some backlashes, or as the case in the hospital, self-backlashes for realizing what he has done.
Good character of Spitfire, but one can see that she have a deeper complexity in the dialogue that was given in this chapter, shall be intriguing to see what you have cooked up for her. Nice too that she is not too forward to help the character out, as it could be hinted that she was stuck in a similar position, and doesn't necessarily have romantic interest with him at the moment.
The interaction with these two characters are pretty nice, down-to-earth, and pretty realistic when characters respond with emotions and facial expressions. Good to see that not all dialogue can be happy, if not simple, in the beginning for whats the good drama story with having a personality that we can relate too and expect the same emotional and behavior response to the situation.
However, despite the story being good, it is not without errors. One would be at the first paragraph as it is not indented "or tapped", and the second being the following sentence that I happen to forget as I lost the sentence I copied. Other than 2 errors that I shall, the chapter itself is nearly flawless from mistakes.
I'll be looking forward to this romance story as how these two diverse (personality-wise) characters gets to know each other and develops a slow, and steady relationship from strangers to friends, to good friends and maybe more. Keep up the good work man
~Best regards
I hope this story gets more views, Spitfire is under loved when it comes to 2nd Person stories.
Can't wait to see were this goes!
Will this be updated regularly?
1875359 Yeah. Should be a new chapter every couple of days or so. Won't be waiting too long for every subsequent chapter.
1875129 Thanks for the critique. The lack indentation at the beginning has always been a weird thing with the site, but I fixed it with a space.
Somehow, I love FP stories and I have plenty of those if I know I'm a stallion then I would like it
I always enjoy a good Spitfire romance.
Keep up the good work.
Awesome story,bro can't wait for other chapters!
This is AWESOME!
Russian brony liked this story!
Great start, patiently waiting for more
Great start, can't wait for more
Cliche, but totally the best one out there so far.
I hope you arnt one of those authors who who starts a great story, and forgets to update it.
1877541 I'm not.
I usually start work on the next chapter as soon as the previous one is posted. Sure, sometimes there are unforseen delays, but they get posted sooner or later. Preferably sooner.
Well you should add in
Around the time he starts talking to her.
Me likes very much! Why is there so few ocXspitfire fics out there?
"you have steely blue eyes, and your hair is a shade of dark brown. " Fuck you... thanks for summing me up and if you want me to prove it I'll send you a pic of me
I have no reaction to this, so have a Jontron instead
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=N9hWPkXV6Bc]
You perfectly described me if I were a pony. Though I'd have brown eyes.
"Hey, you. You're finally awake-"
Hm...
We have Spitfire, a romance plot, and a relatable protagonist?
God damn, sign me up!