This BONUS chapter goes out to CYTOTOXIN for showing how much i bucked up (thx bro im not joking ). so here goes i guess.
FIRST part = why is Trixie with Twilight
On the day when Twilight showed Trixie up by calming an ursa minor (yea yea she DID show her up, but humbley) Trixie left Ponyville feeling disgraced. While the mane six were celebrating the defeat of the beast.
Trixie was thinking how brave the lavender pony was, she stoped herself saying "wait why am i thinking about HER, i mean why is the great and powerfull TRIXIE thinking about that talentless pony" she drooped her head "what am i saying she IS amazing not me" she thought to herself and said the title of great and powerfull didnt work for her anymore as she walked past the outskirts of town.
Trixe made it to Manehattan after stoping in some other cities, she rented a hotel and decided she will look for work. After a month of living in Manehattan and working as a secretary for some big shot she thought life was boring and found herself thinking about the lavender pony Twilight Sparkle, she often thought about how much fun it must be to live in Ponyville.
One night Trixie was dreaming about Twilight and them embracing each other, she was enjoying it but as theyre lips where about to touch an ursa major claws grabed Trixie and threw her into a dark oblivion causing her to wake. The next few days she had the same dream, she was very lonely in Manehattan and she tried and tried to get the lavender pony out of her mind but she just couldent.
After two months in Manehattan she was finished with it and decided she's leaving for Ponyville to confess her feelings. When Trixie looked over a hill she saw Ponyville, she sighed and spoke "it looks so beautifull" as she trotted she thought about what Twilight would say but she didnt care she just wanted to get it off her head.
as she made it into town she saw everypony giving her dirty looks, she just hung her head low and trotted to the library hoping Twilight would be there. Knocking on the door she thought of what she would say then she head a voice "be there in a seconed" just hearing Twilights voice caused Trixie to get warm, just then the door opened at a shocked Twilight stared at Trixie.
"What do you want Trixie, let me guess while you where gone you defeated an ursa major..hmmm" Twilight said anoyed "umm...no i just ..uhh wanted to let you know im thinking of moving into Ponyville, and im VERY sorry and i undertstand if you still hate me but i thought i should tell you first".
Twilight was shocked she didnt think Trixie was capable of saying that "wow Trixie, i dont know what to say but thanks for apologizing" "well i dont expect you to forgive me right away so i will be in the Mareshoof hotel untill i get a job to pay for a house...goodbye" said Trixie "goodbye Trixie" replied Twilight.
As Trixie walked away Twilight glanced at her gleaming light blue coat, she then shook her head closing the door, "why did you do that Twilight. The next moring Trixie found a job as a maid in her hotel for 10 bits an hour, she was mighty satisfied with the amount. Twilight awoke to a dream about Trixie smiling "what was that about... oh well lets hope that doesnt continue" she walked downstairs seeing spike sleeping she thought he looked so cute.
A few months went by and Trixie had bought a house and was making friends with the other ponys, she thought to herself 'wow this is the life' but everynight she still drempt of Twilight hoping she could get the courage to tell her, she thought and thought and then said "TODAY i tell her" as she marched to the library.
Trixie knocked on the door Twilight opened it and said "hi Trixie come in i have tea ready, and spikes at fluttershys helping with her bunny's" "okay" replied Trixie as they sat down Trixie took in a bunch of air "Trixie are you okay you seem nervous" Trixe then spoke quickly "well when i went to manehattan i couldent stop dreaming about you and i think im in love and when you defated the minor i was in shock and...and.." she stumbled as she tried to get in air she stared at Twilight bent over and kissed Trixie.
Trixie was so suprised she said "wha..wha what just happend" Twilight blushed and spoke up "well when you came i guess ive been having dreams about you but i didnt think you liked me so i didnt say anything" they both blushed.
And thats how it started ........sooooo i hope yall enjoyed it as much as i enjoy writing so have a good one oh and btw this is bonus 1 of 3
1 = trixe and twilight
2 = scootaloos past
3 = the arrangments between scoots, spike, trixie and twilight.
Vell, it`s good to see you`re willing to put an effort to it.
Bonus sounds just as naive as the rest of story to me, but I guess that`s how you roll. In either case, that gives an explanation as to why Twilight would show up with Trixie all of a sudden.
___
For reference - story gains a depth if you take time to delve into characters, their reasons and thoughts. Here, I`ll put a little example.
Two weeks. Two bucking weeks, and Trixie still couldn`t muster the courage. She knew the reasons well - stage fright was very common in her former profession. But why her? Why now? She`s an expert! A showmare par excellence!... Well, if you don`t count the debacle with Ursa Minor and complete inability to perform ever since...
She stomped her hoof. "I refuse to have that kind of downer thought on my dayoff!" - she exclaimed loudly. And ducked her head immediately, as she realized what she blurted out loud. Thankfully, Trixie was in her room. No witnesses to her oh so embarrassing outburst. 'Sooo tired of moping all the time.' - she thought dismally, looking around. Hotel room wasn`t much to look at, though. Suddenly, she hopped up and trotted to the door resolutely. "That`s it! I`m having me a nice, sweet, moist, delicious blueberry cupcake, and nopony`s going to stop me!"
Sugarcube Corner was quiet. Tuesdays were not exactly the sale days for pastry, so Trixie found the shop practically empty. But that just made her mission harder - the only one inside was Pinkie Pie... Who`s unquenchable energy was frankly terrifying. Gritting her teeth, Trixie stepped into the shop. She would not be stopped on her mission! "Greetings! I desire a Twilight cupcake!"
In a silence that followed, Trixie`s thoughts were summed succintly by one single "Oops!".
Lol thx for the info ur awesome
You might want to try typing stories on an actual keyboard and not on an iPod Touch or an iPad. The concept of the story is good, I like a little Scootalove, but let's fix those paragraph errors and let's space out the parts with Spike and Twilight talking. Jamming a conversation into one paragraph makes the story feel rushed. I like the story though!
Thx i re did all the chaps spelling mistakes and stuff so hopefully next chap woll be better
THANKS so much everyone i never thought that my first fic would have over 500 views in under 20 hours
Omg 666 views sweeeeeeet
146933
666 lol
btw, I really like your story, but I almost gave up reading after the first paragraph. When I mentally fix all the bad grammar and spelling, it's a pretty cool story. Not anything super deep and beautiful, but a cute little story nonetheless. I think it would be drastically better if you A) added more depth and backstory, and B) double checked your story before you post it, maybe read it out loud to see if it sounds right, etc. Will definitely be tracking this to see if you improve the story and follow my suggestions. Thank you, and good day.
148076 Read Stray Ardor, that's pretty much what this guy is trying to re-write, but in a horrible way.
148598 no i am not copying it i got the idea and i told him bout it cause me and the waffler ( the guy who made stray) are friends. And there are different ideas including othe relationships plus this is the begining i havent even started and also to those who are tracking im going to stop with the ipod
148933 I am the one who wrote Stray Ardor, I typed it up and gave it to waffle (Who is my co writer in Team Joker) He gave me a summary and I turned it into a story, and this story is about 80% following Stray Ardor, and its very annoying. Same type of settings, meeting places, treehouse orphan, scoots living with twi and all.
Again, my friend. You need to do more than spellcheck. It does not pick up on all grammar, you know. Thought it should pick up on many things you do leave in there. i recomend you fix the chapters up before continuing, it will get you more people tracking the story. If you can look past the many errors, it's turning out quite nicely. However, not many people on this site will get past the first few lines of Ch. 1 because of your amount of spelling and grammar errors. I'm sorry if I offend you, I want this story to do well. I really do, and I'm trying to help you become a better writer. I suck, honestly, but those who can't, teach, as they say.
149601 thank you, no i am not offended and i am thankfull for your advice. I did not post anything yesterday because i am writing more and spell checking also after that chapter i will be going back and fixing it up (a lot)
149601 no i am not snapplejack and the only pics ive had is this one but im pretty sure she saw me and said hey thats my pic and then laughed and said its ok and then changed hers
Thx for 900 views
145378 Although I am more or less indifferent towards the whole Twilight and Trixie thing, I still find that it is entirely doable without much effort. Trixie leaves at the end of the episode and Twilight says not to bother going after her. This insinuates that Twilight is a forgiving character and hopes that one day Trixie will learn from her mistakes. From what we've seen of Twilight in the show, it wouldn't be far fetched to gather that if Trixie were to come back that Twilight would give her a second chance. Also it would not be far fetched to say that Trixie could come back to Ponyville realizing that she's unhappy about her situation (obviously having no friends or anyone in her life) and wants to make peace so that she can make friends for once. In that scenario there is little explaining needed as most of it could be drawn by the reader.
Plus instead of jealousy Trixie could easily learn from Twilight.
It's really actually a VERY plausible couple to be honest.
153037 thank you
149580 Nope. There's only one Snapple Jack bro
164669 thank you and i hope to
>Cytotoxin
Wow, there is so much I want to type, but I fear that I may not have the capacity to actually articulate it all. Firstly, I want to say that I am glad to see a fellow brony (pegasister) take their time to seamlessly and carefully guide someone who is struggling in writing fiction. When I was a young man, I used to copy from whatever work of art I saw, but I never felt bad about it.To me; this wasn't to fill an empty need, or satisfy my ego. I did it to gauge my talents; did it to learn; and, ultimately, did it to pay homage to someone who changed how I wanted to contribute to others whether, it be small or grandiose in nature, just as you have. So in conclusion; my hat is off to you Cytotoxin, and your art; for you have changed me just a little more.
Oh and I also have a message for the author of this interesting piece. If you read my last comment, some of the things written in there are actually about you as well. I also sort of hinted a message at WinterTwister as well, and whether his statement is true or not, is completely irrelevant. anyone, especially you, has the makings of a great writer in you. 5/5 (PS: All of this was written on an Android, so if that's any consolation,there ya go)
yal' know what I'm gonna say cause I said last chapter but this time I'm gonna say tat it to short