M'aiq in Equestria

by Alternate Universe Maiq

It's Tea Time

Warning: Sheogorath has entered the fray. Sudden change in POV. You’ve been warned.

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Roses are red, and dandelions are white. Tulips are tulips. Roses, tulips and dandelions slowly drifting in the spring wind. Celestia is peacefully sipping her tea, occasionally snipping Discord a quick glance whenever he tries to move from his seat, then back to her tea cup like nothing ever happened. Boring. Discord on the other hand looks like he’s ready to explode. He can’t help but to nervously squirm like Mehrunes Dagon staring at him with his big ugly face. Have you seen Mehrunes Dagon’s face? Puke green with horns sticking out if his head. You think Stendarr would have mercifully given him a new face? One that is round, pink and most importantly squishy. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to bash his face in with my cheese hammer. Always talking about change and how he’s going to conquer Tamriel. Blah. Blah. Good for him. Now, come over here so I can hit you with a mackerel! And yes, I do mean you viewer. Why? Because I can.

And Sheogorath sits. Wait. That’s me! Here I sit in my suit with one side colored red and the other being purple, both respectively representing Mania and Dementia. Off to the right side of me is the Wabbajack, I could never really tell you why I brought it with me. It’s good fun turning your enemies in to sweet rolls, but I will probably give to another poor soul, like I did with that one dragonborn fella. Unlike the other two whom were either squirming or sipping their tea. I was eating a cupcake that I had gotten from a pink pony called Pinkie Pie, sweet girl, and random too, I think Discord and Pinkie would make an excellent couple. Anyway, I was probing at my cupcake with my Fork of Horripilation, not sure what to make of it. Sure, sure, it looks like a cupcake, rainbow frosting and everything. Setting suspicion aside, I took the cupcake in hand and shamelessly shoved it into my mouth. That’s a good cupcake, taste like rainbows and gasoline.

Discord being the little trouble make he is, stands up in irritation. “I had enough! I want go out and make some CHAOS! Not sit here drinking tea. Besides you brought HER!”

“Well excuuuuusssse me! What if I wanted to have tea party and entertain you for the next 1000 years? I broke you out of that flimsy stone prison and I got her, because you looked lonely. If you know what I mean.” I said back.

“I DON’T CARE! Although, I do have to admit. Who are you?”

“Who am I? WHO AM I!? If you’re the guy that made a crappy alicorn oc, then you can call me MARY SUE! Because, I’m gonna skip rope with your entrails! If not. Then it’s Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Charmed.”

“A daedra? Bah! Useless creatures.”

Celestia shot Discord a mad glare. “Now, Discord. That is no way to treat our host. Or would you rather be turned to stone again?”

“I” was the only word he got when I magically spawned a mackerel in one of my hands and slapped it a crossed his silly face. Don’t tell me, that face of his isn’t worse than Mehrunes Dagon? At least with Mehrunes Dagon he has some constancy. Look at me! I’m Discord! I got one iris bigger than the other one and two different types of horns. Not even Stendarr the God of Mercy and Makeovers can fix his ugly mug.

“Holy mackerel!” cried Discord.

“How very observant of you.” I replied back

Discord not being pleased with having been slapped with a fish, puts one of his paws forward and channels pure chaotic energy. Me being the young brilliant daedra that I am grab the Wabbajack and turn him into a sweet roll.

“Discord, I knew you were always sweet on the inside,” Celestia sang cheerfully.

Discord transforms back into his good old self, looking angrier than before. “That was not entertaining.” Directing his attention to me.

“No? Will an angry immortal playing skip robe with your entrails keep you entertained?”

“No.”

“How about a two flame atronachs serenading you?”

“Maybe.” He said in a monotone voice

“FLAME ATRONACHS IT IS!”

I put forth my hands, glowing with an eerie gray. Directing the summons toward somewhere nearby. With a flash of a white light, out came two pony shaped atronachs. “Really? Pony shaped? No matter. You two! Yes, you! Sing to my friend over here, the song of cheese.” The atronachs caught up in the attention began to sing. “Blaaaaaarrh! WWWAaaaahhhHHH! FLIASDLJN! OI OIAJO!” Aaahhh… well, I have to admit, it’s not the prettiest thing that has happened in this era, but you can do worse.

“Never mind. You two stink. BEGONE! Before I… give you a biscuit? No. Cook me dinner? No. Make you gods amongst the mortals? No. What do you do to flame atronachs again? I KNOW! I will hang you by one your hooves over a pit of molten chocolate, while I get Loki the Norse God of Trickery to hit you with a sharp pointy stick called Willump and I force feed you CHEESE!” the atronachs were gone faster than you could say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. By the way, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is terrible word to use in a story. DON’T USE IT!

A door opens. What? A door opens. What more do you want me to say? A khajiit, a space core and six ponies walk into a garden tea party. What do you do? SKIN THEM ALIVE! Wait. No. That wouldn’t be much of a story if they died. So I greeted them instead.

“Hello, my faithful subjects! No. Wrong character. Hello! Come over! We’re having a tea party! We have tea, ginger snaps, whatever those are, and my personal favorite. CHEESE! It’s to die for. No, really, if you eat my cheese you’ll die.”
Everyone or should I say everypony, a personality core and khajiit are just standing there stunned like they seen Hermaeus Mora take a bath.

“Princess Celestia?” Did that purple unicorn pony just talk? Oh wait. I’m in world full of talking ponies.

Author's Note:

Used slightly different writing style with this one.

Comments

[Redderject]

I love reading Sheogorath, It's the best goddamn thing, nothing can do 'loosing the floodgates of human stupidity' quite like him.

[Infestation]

Which is more powerful: madness, or chaos? Does madness bring chaos, or does chaos cause madness? I suppose it depends on which one goes first, eh? Another lovely chapter!

[Alternate Universe Maiq]

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