My Littlest Pet Shop Friendship is Strange Episode 6 Photo Finish's New Dog Model by dbzponyninja Written on April 24, 2013
Last time on My Littlest Pet Shop Friendship is Strange Twilight Sparkle was showing off a spell to the other five members of The Mane Six, Spike the dragon, Blythe Baxter and the main pets from Littlest Pet Shop but do the fact that she got distracted by Spike chasing Minka Mark who was acting up everypony, pet and Spike wound up accidentally swapping bodies and voices with each other for twenty four hours when twenty four hours passed everybody drank a special potion to get back in their proper bodies back with their correct voices. What happens next let's find out right now?
Anyway Blythe gathered Minka the spidermonkey, Pepper Clark the skunk, Penny Ling the panda, Zoe Trent the king charles cavalier spaniel, Vinnie Terrio the gecko, Sunil Nevla the mongoose and Russell Ferguson the hedgehog around her and said "take me to Equestria" so that the pets would be teleported to Equestria with her.
However upon arriving in Ponyville in the land of Equestria as a pony instead of a teenage human girl as Blythe gets turned into a earth pony mare upon arriving in Equestria Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Applejack ask Blythe "hey Blythe we were going to go to Canterlot today to visit Princess Celestia and Princess Luna at Canterlot castle wanna come along they haven't met you or any of your pets yet anyway?"
Blythe told all six of them at the same time "sure sounds good."
Anyway on the way to Canterlot castle to visit Princess Celestia and Princess Luna Madame Pom the pomeranian who was visiting Littlest Pet Shop today before going to Equestria with Blythe saw heard Photo Finish say to a random unnamed mare who's not from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic in the trademark German accent that she talks in "vat do you mean you don't have a dog I need a dog model so I can take pictures of her and create da magics?"
The random unnamed mare told Photo Finish "sorry but I don't have a dog for you to model I can model for you though."
Photo Finish told her "I vant to try something new now go."
Anyway Madame Pom ran over to which made Photo Finish say "you are perfect."
Blythe then noticed that Madame Pom was missing and asked all six members of The Mane Six "hey did you see where Madame Pom went?"
Rarity pointed in the direction where Photo Finish was and then told Blythe in the trademark British accent that she talks in "isn't that her with Photo Finish right over there Blythe darling?"
Blythe then told her "yeah that's definetly Madame Pom alright sorry Princess Celestia and Princess Luna we might be a little late."
Anyway at Photo Finish's modeling agency Photo Finish was saying while taking pictures of Madame Pom posing "Wonderba you are a natural you must have done this before."
Madame Pom said to herself as only Blythe and other animals can understand and communicate with her "well I am a dog model at home in Downtown City thank you for asking though."
Blythe then went inside Photo Finish's modeling agency and said "give me back my dog."
Photo Finish then told her "of course I just got done anyway I can't wait to see more of your pooch."
Blythe told Photo Finish "i'm sorry but if you want to take pictures of any of my pets ever again you'll have to ask me for permission."
Photo Finish told her "but of course."
Anyway shortly after that Blythe, The Mane Six, the main pets from Littlest Pet Shop and Madame Pom went to Canterlot castle Blythe introduced herself and her pets to the co- rulers of Equestria then Blythe asked Twilight to teleport her back to Downtown City. The End.
Next time on the Season 1 Finale episode of My Littlest Pet Shop Friendship is Strange Blythe, Spike, all six members of The Mane Six and the main pets from Littlest Pet Shop get invited to the wedding of Princess Cadence and Twilight's older brother Shining Armor but when Twilight notices strange behavior in Princess Cadence can she convince the rest of her friends that maybe Shining Armor shouldn't marry Princess Cadence all of these questions and more will be answered on the next exciting episode of My Littlest Pet Shop Friendship is Strange.
My Littlest Pet Shop Friendship is Strange Season 1 Finale The Wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence part 1 of 2.
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Ok, so I'd like to sort of review your story, you can't improve until you know what you did wrong. I won't be able to review it all at once but I will try to review it all.
First off that very first sentence. It is painful. Lets go with the easy part first. New line for speaking, capitalize the beginning of said speaking and finally, remember your punctuation.
Ok, next on to the rest of the sentence.
I'd simply cut out the "that she can talk to and understand" part. You can include this in a paragraph after she says "Hey, guess what" and detail how she discovered this or maybe how she can speak to them.
Also the writing is rather bland. One day is an over used phrase almost worse then the cliche it was a dark and stormy night or a bright sunny day in Ponyville.
Next up we get tossed straight into some dialogue. Some rather forced dialogue. Typically one wouldn't say over the past three days I became a pegasister. One might say when asked how long they've been a pegasister that it has been three days. Or maybe has Blythe been sick for the past three days? It doesn't flow and it doesn't sound like something she would, or anyone else, would say.
Don't just detail out the names and descriptions of everyone like that. If that sort of thing doesn't work when describing a single character what makes you think people will like hearing an entire group of people described like that?
Now this next part was already mentioned so I won't dwell on it, but if you don't know an accent don't say that you don't know it. Ask around.
Don't put the story ends with like that also if your pony has a mane of a certain color it should also have a tail of that same color. It is completely unnecessary to say that they are the same color.
I have to go now, the bell is about to ring but I'll be back for chapter two.
Hey, you know who's gay?
The author.
2521241 I'm not gay I have a girlfriend and am not attracted to other guys
2521324
I don't mean this offensively, I'm honestly curious, but how old are you?
Your reaction to being called gay seems that of an immature individual.
2521326 This
2521241
Sorry that was immature of me as a 21 year old guy I shouldn't have responded that way.
2525991
I've seen better stories put together by people seven years your junior. Did you even complete high school?
2527773 Yes I did complete High School and i'm going to start attending College in the Fall.
2528416
I'd strongly suggest taking some form of English class while you are there, preferably one that focuses on writing.
1952435
Have you watched anymore? The show's improved quite a bit.
1794914
Well, this one may not be of high quality, but I'm sure ANY crossover can be good if the author executes it right. This... Unfortunately not really. Anyways, which one do you hate, the story, or the show?
EDIT: Why is my new mouse so cruddy? I had to write this comment three times by now.