Requiem
Chapter 5
Requiem
Derpy's words echoed throughout the large and still library.
"It's... Muffins." she had said, only moments ago. All of the ponies in the room simply stared at her curiously, all except Crunch. Crunch had his head turned away, pretending to read the book Twilight had gotten her information from. He had an odd feeling of bitter disappointment with Derpy's 'confession'. It was a quickly fading feeling, though.
"That's, uh... that's great, Derpy!" Twilight said with feigned enthusiasm. "Do you happen to-"
"I have some right here!" Derpy said enthusiastically, holding up the bag of muffins she had gotten earlier.
"Where in the world were you keeping that?" Applejack asked, voicing the thoughts of all of the ponies around. They all just looked at her with utter confusion.
"Never mind that. We need to have her eat them slowly, savoring every bite." Twilight said. "While she's doing the, Crunch can eat her emotions. I have no clue how that works, but I hope he does."
"Don't worry. It's fairly simple- I just use my horn and put it against her forehead." Crunch reassured her. His disappointment was pushed to the side as he got distracted by teaching. No matter the situation, if he was learning or teaching something interesting, he would forget all of his troubles.
"Didn't Chrysalis just have to be near my brother to get his power?" Twilight asked, worried for him. The last thing she wanted was for him to die just as he gets accepted (kind of) into the society.
"Chrysalis is an exception. She only needs to touch the person once for it. However, the love they give must be for her, not for something else." Crunch explained. "It's weird, but we actually have it easier than her."
"Well, can I hurry up and eat these sweet, delicious, chocolate chip muffins?" Derpy asked, staring at said muffins. A drop of saliva was beginning to drip over her lower lip. She really wanted those muffins.
"Yeah, yeah, go ahead." Crunch said, putting on a brave face. "I'm ready."
Please don't mess this up. He begged himself. You need this.
Derpy slammed her face on the ground, a muffins going right into her mouth. She chewed quickly and ate it, wrapper and all. Crunch stared for a moment, then remembered what he had to do. He put his horn against Derpy's forehead as she picked up another muffin with her hooves. His horn glowed gray, then red, and finally shifting to a shade of pink.
"Is your magic always pink?" Twilight asked. Crunch didn't answer, as the process was beginning to hit it's most strenuous part. He had to focus all of his mind and body into the tip of his horn, visualize his magic flowing in to Derpy's brain and heart, stealing her love. He gasped and fell backwards, scooting away from Derpy. His fedora fell off and was crumpled under his scurrying hooves, much to the dismay of Rarity.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Derpy asked him, waling hurriedly to his side. Crunch just looked into her bright, crooked eyes that stared back, eyebrows furrowed with worry.
"I can't do it." Crunch said. "I just... I can't do it."
"Why not?" Twilight asked, panic in her tone. "Are you too close to dying to even take her emotions?"
"No, no. It's just..." Crunch said. "If I take her love for muffins, it could be gone. FOREVER."
"Whoa, whoa... like, forever forever, or just forever?" Derpy asked, stepping back away from Crunch.
"I have no clue what the difference is between the two," Crunch said "and I don't want to know. The point is... Wait, I just realized something."
"What is it?" Twilight asked, beginning to feel anxious from all of the waiting for Crunch to finish his ritual of sorts.
"We are all VERY stupid. I just said that I could consume the emotions of animals." He explained "Well, there are tons of animals around Ponyville, right?"
"Yeah, but I still don't see- Ohhhhh." Applejack said. "So we just gotta get ya' a critter or two, and you'll be good to go?"
"In the wise words of a stallion I once met, 'Eeyup'." Crunch agreed, jokingly.
"Well, that was a lot of wasted drama." Rarity said. "It was almost a perfect time to make it a 'Worst Possible Thing' moment, but..."
"Well, drama aside, we've got no time to lose!" Twilight said. "We need to get Crunch some animals, and fast. Fluttershy, do you think you could help?"
"If it steal happiness from animals, then no way." Fluttershy declined firmly. "I'm sorry, Crunch, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I helped you with this."
"Fair enough." Crunch agreed. "Uh, Derpy? I think you should hang back as well."
"Hang back with Fluttershy?" Derpy asked, confused. "Why?"
"Well, you uh... You probably would scare a lot of the animals away, and..." Crunch said embarrased, his voice trailing off.
"Oh, sure, yeah. I understand completely." Derpy said, tears beginning to come to her crooked eyes. "Not helpful to the mission because of my handicap, huh?"
"Derpy, it's not like that, I swear!" Crunch said.
"I would've thought at least YOU understood that this doesn't affect my sight!" She said. "You're just a jerk, like everyone else!"
"Derpy, look, I-" He said, but was cut off when Derpy flew through the window at speed that could make Rainbow Dash jealous. "Geez, why does she keep doing that to me? Is it my breath or something?"
Can't help, huh? Scare off the animals with my looks, huh? Derpy thought angrily to herself as she flew away from Crunch for the second time today. I'll show him. I'll... I'll... I bring him something HUGE! something like... A bear!
She was set on it. A bear was her goal, and she knew just where to get one. Twilight may not approve, though. After all, an Ursa Minor can be a hassle to get rid of once you're done.
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ursa major and cub overload!!!!!!!!!!!
1906271
Kira , i am disappointed in you. I mean seriously? I fear for her muffin love ?
You could've made him discover her emotions towards him while sipping on a glass of muffin love , or he could've fed on her love for him by mistake when she thought about him while eating muffin , and to add insult to injury she gonna go get a URSA MINER ! WTF MAN?
But you're the auther this is your story i'm but a reader. Lets see how this goes
You took awkward one sided romance between an idiot and derpy , and made 'hi i'm derpy you insulted my eye and now you die'
1906291
Yeah... not... Uh, wow. That was actually a pretty intense comment. Like I was saying.. Um.... oh, yeah. This is a terrible chapter, but I felt like I had to post it to keep the plot going. Trust me, shit gets real in the next couple of chapters. And as for the Ursa Minor, that's not just idiocy. She's got a jealous pride mixed in with an intense infatuation and a need to impress Crunch, so, yeah, Derpy + Misunderstanding = Ursa Minor.
Oh for the love of f
k Derpy what the hell are you doing?
Why not get Trixie? She loves herself more than anything! After Crunch gets to her, she might become pleasant!
Or is that toomuch to hope for? 
Anyways, glad to see this story back! And never, EVER take away Derpy's muffins! 
1907192
BEST. IDEA. EVER.... But the plot doesn't fit it.
1908318
I kind of felt like they deserved to die, but I still helped. Not because I cared, but because I wanted something to do. I was bored.
1908004
k?
Dude.... what the f
I'm kidding, of course. Still, that's in desperate need of a facehoof.
1908370
That's what I said! I look forward to some sort of epic disaster, actually.
1908413
You too, huh? Yeah, I love Fallout. I'm ready to become a wastelander.
1908429
I'm ready to get the shit beaten out of me by Super Mutants, and then get forcibly turned into one!
1908449
I'm ready to murder the Enclave and get Brotherhood power armor!
1908479
I'm ready to give water to homeless people!
1908489
I'm ready to watch my father get murdered!
Nice chapter, I hope the Ursa Minor incident will be hilarious. 4 moustaches out of 5.
1908813
Hamcon, old friend! It's been far too long since we've last chatted!
Wow....
Just, wow......
1909148
Well then, why not DT and SS? The CMC would LOVE YOU!
1912874
NO. NO DIAMOND TIARA.
1912874 1916769
Maybe he can eat all their love for themselves, making them nicer ponies. Oh, and while he's at it, feed him Blueblood too.
1916769