Last Night:
Interlude: Tribulation
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Even the sinful remember their gods
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I couldn't move myself from the spot I occupied in the dark corner of the room, damp walls seeming to encase and drown me in an ocean of sorrow. The water from my taps dripped softly against the silence and cut through to peaceful nothing like a hot knife to butter, tearing apart what little solitude was available. Scanning my eyes across the room, I could see clearly the unmade bed to the left, besides which bedside table was set - the counter of the dainty object was strewn with a mess of pills and crumpled paper.
The scattered sunlight danced amongst the dust particles in the air that hung lifelessly in my flat, the arid air feeling like a poison seeping into my lungs. The dust was a soft blanket that covered everything accept me, was it afraid? The carpet was a dirty white and the wall paper was pealing off in strips as the damp walls simply sat there. Mocking, almost. Everything around my precious corner was in ruins, because of what had occurred.
I stood up on uneven hooves as I walked over towards the ruffled bed covered in pills and spilled alcohol, an overwhelming smell of pity came to my nostrils as I peered down at the pieces of paper. I hadn't crumpled them, she had. I had only found them a few days ago, but by then it was far too late. Picking a piece of parchment in an aura gently I unfurled the sides of the paper, reading the delicate script inscribed with ink. The paper suddenly became wet, as tears streamed down my face.
Dear Su Twisted
I'm sorry that it all worked out like this and I'm so very sorry I failed you, or whatever is left of the old you. You're a shell, a weak, pathetic shell of the pony I loved - I can't bare to watch you crumble away like this. It's over. We're over. I've already packed my things and left the door, my last task was to write this. You started the fire, you stained my heart; now you need to realize what you've become.
Always yours, Vinyl.
Turning the paper within my aura to ashes as my mind burned a blur, I sent it screaming through the air and through my window as my tears became dust beneath me. I could make no sense of my situation; how long had it been since my eyes had been dry and in order, when had I last left my home and had fun? Was it purely fate that continued to screw me over, or was it my own doing?
Faint daylight fluttered through the gap I had made in my anger, and I looked out to see the sun. A warm ball of welcoming light and... beauty. But beauty didn't belong to the sun, no it was hers not its. Who dares take beauty from her? The sun? I staggered and fell over, hitting the floor and yet suddenly surfacing in a bathtub. The water glittering over me as I saw my dilated pupils and bloodshot eyes. Crying out and throwing the mirror to one side, the glass shattering across the tiles.
I seemed to drift there for an eternity as time flowed to a sudden stop, I was but one stallion amongst the million waves of an endless ocean - an ocean of regret, love and misery. The seawater was like poison as I began to drown in the sea, my lungs struggling and failing me as the water became a furious raging abyss. It was as if the empty air had become an empty existence, my whole body began to fall rather than sink as the cracks opened before my eyes.
Each crack rose up and split the black abyss before my eyes as the darkness swelled and fell within, like a plug being pulled on the embrace as I too was sucked beyond. Thrown and left tumbling as my mind snapped to attention, I was left alone with a small pedestal among the dusty bookcases of a scene familiar. Looking down I saw that the pedestal held a small red crystal in a curve, shattered at the bottom and humming in the silence. All I had to do was reach out.
I made this mistake before.
It was a sudden swirl of awareness and light that lead me back to reality, or at least what I felt was reality. The bath water was a dark grey around me, no doubt the murky air had stained my coat. Dirty, dirty dirty... filthy ponies all. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed but no soap could clean the blood, the blood that stained my hooves. Just like no bandage could fix the hole left gaping in my heart, no note could truly be a fair goodbye. No figment could be real.
It took only seconds of slipping back under the embrace of warm water for me to be in bed, my head reeling as time seemed to have been cut up and stuck in the wring places. The sun had left us and instead been replaced by the dirty air and metal plate roof. Yet he still watched from the corner, the stallion wearing a brown coat and fedora. His eyes were a gentle blue and his mane a pale white.He laughed and stood up, trotting over to me as I stood up to face him, clutching something in my hand.
He came up to me on face level, my rage boiling inside as his eyes seemed to glow a ghastly white, his earlier look replaced by one of anger and misery. Blood dripped from my nose as the pills took effect, my vision blurring as he let out a horrific wail, as if he was being ripped apart. Through the blur I locked eyes with him, teeming with rage I screamed, holding up a piece of paper in between us. In chorus, we both let out a blood curling scream.
"She lied to me!"
Falling down onto the ground like the pathetic animal I really am, I begin to feel that very same flooring fall around me precisely. Each part of the ground fell slowly in order as my mind slowly began to dim, memories buzzing in one by one as my subconscious mind began to rouse me. However one experience was simply too strong to resist as it became clear, and my mind sunk into its own depths. I became lost in the past as the present began to wake me up.
Wakey wakey Mr Morals, she's waiting for you.
A soft cascade of rain fell from the perpetual twilight overhead and I could faintly hear the pitter-patter of rain against concrete, colours blurred as the swarm of droplets fell upon the ground and rebound into the air for fleeting moments, before falling and resting. I swept a hoof through the water besides me and smiled as the ripples distorted the reflections around me, the buildings curved and bent before crumbling as the armies of the kept rose up.
I shivered pitifully as the cold chilled my bones and averted my eyes long enough for the vision to fade, it had been a simple daydream projected into a puddle of industrial water. It always bugged me that my dreams were of freedom, because it was something none of us talked about down here. There was a big rule, don't talk about it because then it won't hurt. Well it bloody well did hurt even when we didn't talk about it, some of us just didn't like to mention that.
I can't even remember why I moved to this decrepit shit hole and left my old town, it had been so much nicer than a segregated workhouse filled with poor workers and rich residents. Tartarus would be better than the Downzone. When I die and go to purgatory, I'll be sure to tell Mort he's missing all the fun up here on the land of the living - maybe he'll do a better job at killing the Society than we ever did.
Looking up I could see it so clearly as it bounced and shifted amongst the Spires and pipes which carried the goods, Lightning Oil and Mana, steam, whatever it was it was irreverent to me. I only saw the rain shimmer and dance in the blurred colours of the Downzone, a sight for sore eyes being as nothing else was this beautiful in the world. The one mare who'd loved me, well I ran didn't I?
Flickering my eyes to a certain splash I noticed something unique, the water showed my features in an almost crystal clear way. Tired, bloodshot eyes; cyan stubble covered in grime; a white and blue mane matted with dirt and blood; chipped hooves and a red checkered hoodie to fit the piece. The splash ricocheted off the guttering and bounces along the sheet metal above me, slowly working its way through the grooves and dripping besides me.
I feebly lifted a hoof up and put it up towards the direction of the sky, turning it around in the twilight and smiling at the colours. A scatter of hoofsteps made me leave my fun and look across the way, in time to see a familiar face sit down with me. His brown matte coat remained clean and pristine as always, his light grey mane was perfectly curved around his face and covered him like a shroud. Slipping down next to me and looking up at the spot of my interest, I leaned back to my own interests.
"We're back to this huh Twisted? I thought you were better than the rest, seems I was wrong."
The words hit me like a steel pike, a hardcore series of blows to my ego and once again he had delivered. I shifted in place but otherwise remained silent as the Earthpony eyed me curiously, his gaze was one of not disappointment, but understandings of mistake. He had the air of a buck who had seen a fair few things, his actions were slow and deliberate, his voice was smooth caramel atop a platter of chocolate covered crumbs.
Sunny chuckled and opened his mouth slowly, but was promptly cut off by my hoof. I looked over at him with bloodshot and dead eyes in a desperate struggle for mercy, using my magic to open a pocket I pulled out a small cigarette and removed my hoof. Placing the fag in my mouth I smirked and grunted in a gruff voice, my vocal chords strained from heavy over-dosage.
Sunny looked at me with a sad smile of thought, and placed a hoof on my shoulder. I was so numb I couldn't feel the contact, and continued to stare at him with desolate eyes and addict like features. He flicked his mane around slightly and turned up to look at the Upper Society, and from my point of view the rain seemed to fall straight through him.
A shallow rumble signified an incoming tram as he opened his mouth to speak, flashing his pearly whites as a train sped across an overhead rail. "Time to grow up Mr Morals, stop looking to me for guidance. After all I'm not your friend, I'm a fi-" The rest was cut off as a tram rocked back and forth violently overhead, I smirked and held a bit too Sunny, speaking in a tainted voice I patted him on the cheek.
"Gimme' a light, Sunny Graves."
3282517
I cannot thank you enough for this review, it really made my day - thank you so so much.
3286854
No problem bro, you deserve it so much!
and HOORAY for new chapter!
3286877
Heheh, you're far too kind my friend! Oh this lil' old thing? You ain't seen nothing yet.
3286991
Mission complete, gain moar readers and make new readers proud. I did it mum!
Awesome! chapter, going to read last two to remember what happened/
3287249
My friend, thank you! I'm sincerely glad you enjoyed it!! Can't wait to write more for you guys.
> Last Night updated
>mfw
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3287431
Hehe, glad you liked it!
nice. I loved it. this is exactly the kind of story I like. take as long as you need for the next chapter. im only upset it took me this long to find this story.
3286182
*hug*
You are awesome
3289324
Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'd rather just be alone. But at the end of the day I'm here, I'm writing for all you and I'm trying my very best. This is a story based off of thoughts, emotions and hardship - and I'm happy you guys like it.
3290983 we all do. it's what makes us people. some suffer more than others, but without negatives, positives wouldn't exist. i'd like to write stuff like this but writing has never been my strongest skill. I don't mind though. And I assure you, we all appreciate the work you put in. keep at it.
So I keep seeing good reviews for this story. Also, its cover art is baller.
I'll have to give this a look.
3429636
Wait... people have done reviews of this? They must be the ones in the comments, surely. And yeah, I adore the art I got for this. Can't wait to hear what you think!
3430496
Okay, so I've read the prologue.
Here's my thoughts. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion, and I am very picky with my stories: feel free to ignore me if you disagree.
I'm afraid to say that I didn't like this story. It's hard to place my finger on why, exactly. It was FAR from terrible, but I really couldn't get into it.
I think the main problem, the one that hit me straight off at least: the purple prose problem. Essentially, your choice of word was far too florid, and made it hard to get into the story, especially for one with a first person perspective. Awkward phrasings were littered throughout the story, and it didn't help the already lacking story-telling.
On the technical side, it was pretty good, although I caught several typos and comma splices. May want to get them fixed. Also, some more variation in sentence structure and length would benefit it a lot.
Despite all this, though... it definitely has potential. I can see a good story here, underneath the overly-telly narration and clunky dialogue. But I'm afraid that I cannot like this, as the writing just didn't draw me in enough to enjoy it.
3431001
Your profile picture matches this comment perfectly.
At least I didn't write in Pearple Prose; I've heard all kinds of issues with how the dialogue is far too fruity, and often the style makes many people feel a 'tad green. However, more to the point. I don't see my writing style as an issue, I adore Purple Prose and simply love reading and writing in that style. The story might be bad due to the fact that it's being told as it goes, it would take an entire finished fiction to understand what happened and happens. If you know what I mean.
It may seem a little odd as to why this happened, but the cause is fairly obvious to me. Back when this was first published, and wasn't to the standard it is at today... I received a lot of criticism. I took it in and read it, and people were demanding a more detailed, in depth and interesting story. So I decided to do something stupid and brilliant.
The story could be damned, I was writing this about the universe and the characters.
That's both my trumping ace card, and the reason I didn't get blackjack. (I love cards, sorry for the bad analogy there.) Basically I decided to write a story which had interesting events and a loose and (very) non-linear narrative, but was also showcasing a broken and ruined empire from the eyes of a sufferer; a victim. It would both show an interesting and unique universe for me to write out of, and also be a staging ground for some amazing character growth and such.
Anyway, I'm really sorry this fiction didn't live up to your expectations, but I understand you can't please everyone.
3435446
Ah, that's fair enough. Truthfully, I felt that – after writing that comment and reading through all the previous ones – I must have missed something. I guess it just comes down to taste.
I'm very glad that you responded so genially, too. You seem like a really cool guy
Also, you apparently decided to follow me. You odd person.
3435756
Well you know... I'm sure your taste would change if you came back and read this drunk, or high, or possibly half dead -- the world seems different when you're in one of those situations. Who knows, you might even like my story to the point of calling me a genius.*
I'm not a cool guy... I'm ice cold, baby.
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Also, you might be surprised to find that I follow every single critic who's ever given me food for thought. Mainly due to the fact that having a new opinion can help keep things fresh, and I just love being told my work was not their idea of good.
*For the love of god please do not call me a genius, or say I'm better than certain modern day writers... I get enough of that from my fans. *Shudders*
Gotta say I really enjoyed this chapter. It reminds me of a time I had a dangerously high fever and saw some interesting hallucinations. On another topic, getting into the mind of Twisted is becoming a interesting ride and it leaves much open to where it will lead and continues to keep my attention.
Now to go forth, to the next chapters.