Prologue
Last Night:
Prologue
-=-=-=-
The world is feasting upon us
-=-=-=-
Gentle mist crept throughout the musky and forlorn alleyways. The soft pitter-patter of rain flopped down from overhead and skipped down the crinkled corrugated sheets, slimy trails of chemical residue slid alongside the rain slowly. Suddenly, the sound of hoofsteps fluttered around the area. Like a thunderstorm they rung out across the side passages and dingy doorways. Tiny rodents cast their heads up and scattered moments later as a tall figure galloped through their domain; his breathing laboured and determined.
The water around his hooves flared up in tiny circles as he splashed down the alleyway, settling only when he turned left on the open street. Seemingly harmless mist stung around his fetlocks whilst he hurried on his way. Whether forecasts had predicted that this morning was going to be an acid storm; not many ponies had come out yet. Stopping suddenly with a curse that could rival a sailor of old, he gazed out across the deep street before him.
Hazardous chemical dew dripped from the derelict taps and industrial pipes that intertwined alongside the doors. Small lines of lightning danced amongst misty clouds. The wild stallion's breathing quickened as he scanned the scene properly. Draping white wisps of light clung to the corners and skipped across the mid-air like leaves carried in a breeze. "I can't go this way..." he mumbled to himself while digging at the ground. "The mist would strip my skin in seconds."
"Nice deduction, kiddo," said a pegasus appearing from the shadows. He cast an intimidating shadow against the surroundings. "You wanted to earn some cred, right? Sorry but this job is mine." With a tip of his hat the stallion took off toward the target. Awry, the unicorn standing in the deserted street, couldn't help but bite his lip. That goddamn kiter knew this was his payday.
Looking this way and that in a hurry the young stallion noticed a break in the forlorn brick and dashed. He could feel the acidic puddles bit into him whilst he scampered off down the lane. Crumpled soggy newspaper and rubbish littered this ally. Age old posters and paints were scraped across the wall from a time when it was affordable. Pulling his hood down with a magical tug the risk-taking unicorn galloped up a set of barrels and over the rusty chain link fence. It couldn't even support him; collapsing as he did and shattering.
Grumbling and sliding across the paving as blood seeped from tiny wounds, Awry picked himself up slowly and staggered to standing. Rusty fence was caught in his jacket but he shook it off. Somewhere far off a siren sounded which only caused him to grit his teeth. He'd have his pull taken at this rate and that meant drop. Trotting out the back-end of the ally way and looking about the are he sized up how far the ticket was.
From his reckoning it was still about two sectors over, down in sector nineteen. He couldn't be sure though thanks to the fact that he'd lost his bearings. Stumbling slightly on the uneven paving, a pair of deep green eyes looked on down the road. Awry could see one or two ponies going about their business, not exactly a shady pair either. Sector seventeen wasn't well behaved by any means, but it was better than most others.
Pulling up a map in his visual receptor
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Dayum.
(*claps*)
...Hm. Presumably, the actual DJ-saving-my-life bit happens between chapters...
Joking aside though, this is... quite the intriguing concept. In fact... do you need a proofreader? I'd be willing to do that for you, if you want one. If you're interested, send me a PM. We'll talk.
1707017
Thank you, what did you like about it?
1707045
Yes, the saving happens in Chapter One...
Also, I am indeed, in need of a proof reader, and I would
be happy to see you help out.
I'll PM you the details...
Eddie
1707065
Everything, really.
Although the best part was probably the contrast between thoughts and reality before Twisted left his apartment.
1707073
Thanks, I'm glad people actually like this
one, unlike the 'reception' Branded recieved...
I am already working on Chapter One.
Also, the apartment scene... That was my favorite bit
to write, I am just so in tune with monotone settings... It's
kind of sad really.
Eddie
1707083
Aww. Come here, you. *hugs*
1707093
*Hugs Back*
Thanks, now you simply need to wait for me to
blow your socks off with the first chapter...
Also, why you no favorite?
Eddie
1707098
My favorite button doesn't work, sorry.
Besides, I think I can keep track of my friend's story with my own mind.
1707104
Indeed...
Eddie
1707110
YEAH.
Also, RP?
1707113
Yes, I will get onto that...
Eddie
1707124
soo awsome
can't wait till next chapter
1707164
Thank you
It means allot when somepony enjoys my
writing, I only hope that you will forgive and
possibly point out any grammar/stupid mistakes.
I have already found and fixed one...
And thank you even more for the like!
Eddie
fc01.deviantart.net/fs26/i/2008/032/3/c/Arcanist_by_enrikor.jpg
Wizards. They're everywhere.
1707292
Yes, I'm glad somebody saw that lifeline!
Also, did you like the prologue?
Eddie
1707296
I certainly did! Got me hooked right off the bat.
Finished reading it. Favoriting and tracking!
I love the way this is written. There's places where you'd want to exclude ,s and include -s or ;s, but I can let that slide for now.
1707303
Thanks, you want to rage at my dyslexia?
Check my story, FoE: Branded... 15000+ words
of pure bad spelling, and yet I plan to continue it...
And thanks for the watch and the Favorite, it means allot.
Also, what hooked you, the scene, the character, or the description?
Or something else entirely?
Eddie
1707312
'suicide attempt'
Everyone always goes for the sweet, loving tone that most writers try to use in their fics in and among Equestria/its inhabitants.
Somepony wants to suicide?
READING IT.
1707370
I see.
Well my friend, the web of 'Celestia Buthurt' only
thinkens in the next chapter...
Eddie
wow...god, if I take in any more feels, from any source, I am going to cry for fucking hours...my life sucks. If it weren't for you, Zach, and Hunter, I would be dead...
1708290
D'aaw
Thanks man.
Did you like it?
Eddie
1708302 in the most 'wow this relates completely to my life' sort of way, yes...and it hurts to read this and know exactly how that sort of pain feels...
Me gusta
1708306
You gusta?
I am glad.
1708305
I feel you there man, trust me, I want
this to be as good as it can be, and I'm using
most of my time on this now.
Eddie
1708310
I forgot to ask: Is Octavia going to be involved at any point?
1708528
No, this is very classiest Equestria, the two
won't even know eachother.
I might write a spin off...
But no, they won't
Eddie
1708550
Hm. Okay, then.
1708555
What, you no gusta?
Eddie
1708562
No no, it's fine. Octavia and Vinyl are just my favorite shipping pair is all. They just play off each other so well.
1708567
You know that spin off..
Eddie
1708594
Huh?
1708606
Right, if this goes down well, I'm planning on
writing an alternate fiction...
Last Night A Cellist Saved My Life
It will see Twisted being saved by Octavia, and
explore the upper society...
Eddie
1708635
Boom. That's brilliant.
good story will follow and right now favorite
This story spoke to me, not literally but...gah, you know what I mean.
And I apologize if this gets somewhat bothersome, just point it out to me. This story seems to emphasize a sadness that only one who's experiencing said sadness could write. What I am getting at is, are you basing this on your life events? If so, I feel you there bro.
Last (because I like to put bigger comments for stories that show emotion like this) what got me to this story was definetly the description, talking about being a shield for others, and that stuff, it made me relate to the story, so I had to read it, nuff said.
Pertty damn good, it needs a lot of work in the comma-placement and sentence structure departments in a few places though.
For now, 4/5 moustaches
Tracked, upvoted.
I must say that I normally avoid stories like this. However, the way this is written... you've left me wanting more. I am very keen to see what happens next. For your first story, you've done an excellent job.
Favourited and upvoted.
1714257
Oh, this isn't my first story!
I had a 15000+ one, but I removed it
because I want to focus on this more.
And thank you, I am lad that you liked this, and
I hope I can live up to your expectations!
Eddie
1711140>>1710939>>1709708
Sorry for the late reply guys!
Iv'e just been that busy...
FuntimeBrony
May I ask what you enjoyed about it?
tjamesbeard
Thank you.
I am sorry to say that, yes... This is sort of based off of me. It is all written
from the heart, the monotone setting is easy to write due to my current mood set...
Eduardo
Thanks man, I'm glad you liked it! The commas and stuff... Will be
fixed by my editor at some point...
Eddie
Wow, that was some powerful stuff. *Clap, Clap.*
Can't wait to read more.
1714789
Thanks man!
I hope you will enjoy chapter one when it
comes out!
Eddie
Well this a rare take o the ponyverse we love. and that is probably why you are getting so many positive comments and up votes. nicely done, though it wasn't my cup of tea I still liked that it was out of the norm.
1724234
Thanks!
Eddie
Well, that's really good!
As for the question at the very beginning... well... one of my uncles killed himself years ago, and man it still hurts. But it was his choice, and while I've never though about killing myself, I can't really hate him for that. Anyway, this is joining my (long) list of likes and favorites.
Kindly,
~Sinrar
1738891
Je vous remercie! Je suis heureux que vous avez apprécié mon histoire, et je ne peux pas attendre de voir comment vous réagissez au chapitre un! Quant à votre oncle, je suis désolé d'entendre ça. Moi aussi j'ai vécu la perte. Un de mes ex girlfirends s'est suicidé, alors je peux comprendre votre douleur.
Eddie
1738901
Sorry to hear that. Strangely, the only thing that comes to my mind right now is that song:
Kindly,
~Sinrar
1751750
I think that the fact that you're bringing your personal life into your fic makes it that much better.
I tried that once, but the story ended up really shitty, and I had to put it on "hiatus", or something.
Don't EVER be ashamed to admit that you're bringing realism and personality into your story. You're doing what separates "good" from "great".
I think you should try and find a prereader. It's littered with simple mistakes and its very distracting. Errors aside, I loved it.
This... was not what i was expecting, when you said your personal life was a big part of it.
Your very good at descriptions and comment on the characters feeling of abandonment and coldness.
This is excellent if still a bit darker than what i usually read. You're from now on being watched by an alicorn named Emerald Storm
I will put the final and official AHA review at the end, but I'm just doing a grammar and spelling check right now. Here are some errors I found so far in their corrected format:
"At societies end." > At society's end
"The buck before me": Buck? As in the ponified swear or the deer?
"on itself, the walls" > on itself; the walls
"shades, and they gusta." > Gusta? Gusta means like. What is that doing there?
"with punks, arcanists, and" > Anarchists, arsonists maybe? I'm not familiar with what an arcanists is.
"around me, they were" > around me; they were
"needed only to usher your name" > needed only to utter your name
"have no idea, I simply" > have no idea; I simply
"I was Twisted Morals, my life" > I was Twisted Morals(either "." or ";") my life
"and sick, things" > and sick; things
"prominent, it was that" > prominent; it was that
"increased it’s downpour" > increased its downpour
"windstream" > Technically two words