When Lighting Knight, or Light to his friends meets a Changeling in his new home, he has a few choic
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Liking the character development so far as well as the relationship's tale. But it seems just ever so slightly rushed, as if you are going to skip telling the WHOLE bonding story and just stick with the big parts.
I love lots of detail when it comes to developing the characters and their relationships. It makes it easier and better to "relate" to in a sense. That way, when something something sad, scary, happy or touching happens, it hits you, right in the feels.
Looking forward to the next chapter, keep up the good work!
well, on the bright side, that book will bring up the case for granny in time when someone reads that
Why can I never read a big story like this without commenting just a few chapters in? Oh well; I guess I'd better get to the point.
If your editor doesn't improve drastically in a short order, then you need to find a better one. I won't say the one you have sucks, but that's only because (a) that would be rude, and (b) I don't know what it was like before. Still, I see a LOT of misused words, typos, spelling errors, incorrect punctuation, and other grammar errors that make me cringe. I would've thought it hadn't been edited at all if you hadn't said so.
You should both read the FiMFiction writing guide. That's how your editor can "improve drastically in a short order". Even if you think I'm full of sh-[manure] and dont' know what I'm talking about, read it anyway. It's something every writer and editor should read.
Still, I gotta say... despite the errors, this is a good story you've got going here. I think I'll keep reading.
So the house was empty for years? "Few" generally means 3, so this would place the time of Granny's death before Luna returned. Where bat ponies around at that time in this story of yours?
This will take some explaining.
How does Lightning know the bat pony?