I have been wanting to read something done by you, Now's my chance!

IN BED

Did you know, that if you add "in bed" to the end of any fourtune cookies message, it makes perfect sense?

WHERE'S THE DIGITAL ART, EGGMAN????

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Ah, the one the cover art is cropped from contains spoilers for the second chapter, so it's going to get posted along with that, I'm afraid.

I'll try to be quick?

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You've been waiting to read something done by me... IN BED?

IT BEGINS!

((I have nothing more to say due to my spoiler-laden nature))

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hey it's cool
just give me more
of this awesomeness

I shall enjoy this... yes.

The way how Dash's(?) viewpoint was written in the begin was pretty intresting and really fun to read.
My compliments for that.
But in the begin i was a bit confused, if you could mention in the begin that she was a human-pony that would be nice (something small like Dash mentioning her hands) i just thought that she was a pony in the begin.

1863548 Dashie is a bit of an unreliable narrator.

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I think "Dashie" is really the brony's girlfriend doing some roleplaying/cosplaying, if I understood it right.

Commence read.

I'm having trouble predicting what is going to happen next.
The tactician in me does not like it, but the reader in me is hungry for more.
Suffice to say that you had my curiosity, but you now have my attention.

Holy s***t is it hot in here or it just me, geez i've read my cuota of cloppity content around here (almost 4 million words read so far) and this was by far the most amazing, erotic, well written fic that i had the luck to lay my eyes on.
well am going to take a cold shower if you excuse me

Well done, well done. Normally I avoid human stuff, but I must say that Steel did not lead me wrong. Fabulous use of unreliable narrator and the little hints that look like typos, magnificent. I shall be waiting with bated breath for more.

Second Person... I despise Second Person with a burning passion... I curse you for tricking me into reading even two paragraphs of it. (I skimmed after that)

Please tell me that it won't be in Second Person for the majority of the fic. Along with any details I might of missed as I vehemently cursed at the sliding text of Second Person, I caught that you (I?) met a hot bisexual at the bar and got her phone number after getting drunk. (the latter request only applicable if the former is true)

Edit: My younger self was an idiot... yeah...

Yeah... that was really confusing me... the hooves, then to hands.

So, if that was the gf cosplaying, when does the REAL Dashie show up?

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The next chapter is 90% first-person, but there's larger second-person sections on the way after that. So yeah, if you're severely allergic, you might want to steer clear of chapter 3 and 4.

Sorry about that, but I wanted to experiment with it for shits and giggles, and it certainly worked better than first-person for those scenes. I didn't know there were people who loathe that perspective so much that it prevents them from reading a story altogether...

Well, now I know, which is approximately 54% of the battle. Can't please everypony, I'm afraid

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I wanted to ask her, but she was busy getting ready in her trailer (read: napping).

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You have my apprehensive track... if it helps I didn't want to lay my head against the doorstop hoping someone slams the door into the back of my head thus forcing the doorstop into my eye after reading those couple paragraphs... I don't know why I'm so opposed to it in all honesty, probably the ever so repetitive 'you' that saturates and bogs down the text or that the fact that the anonymous narrator addresses me (I'm fine with 4th wall breaking 1st person for some reason or if the second person is contained in limited dialogue in 3rd person) but every time I see 'you' regularly being directed at me it kills immersion and makes for an unsatisfactory read. Oh well, my mind is my own might as well be happy with it.

For the record I won't personally come to your house with three flamethrowers and a balanced pitchfork in the middle of the night... yet.

"If you try and please everypony you often end up pleasing nopony, especially yourself" ~ S1E14

P.S. If I didn't use a laptop I'd probably unplug my keyboard late at night, I'm rather prone to ramble.

The switches from pony to human were a bit jarring, especially since at first I simply assumed that it was a mistaken word on your part. When they kept happening, I began to suspect until my suspicions were confirmed in the end.
I'm looking forward to seeing chapter two.

Love it! The first section is not the content I'm typically into, but it was still very entertaining. It was actually pretty interesting to see how a girl would talk about sex. Adds a perspective that's new, though not completely unimaginable, to me. Your writing and word choice is awesome as always too, but I laughed when it actually said "balls" ! (immature, in know)

I found the second person narration very interesting due to how involved it made me feel. Almost like a choose-your-own adventure! I can understand somepony not liking it if they can't relate though. Pretty intrigued by the mysterious bar chick. I imagined an anthro Pinkie Pie with plastic frames . Maybe imminent fan-art if I'm right.

Can't wait to see where the story goes !

Liked and Favorited to read laster, I like the premise, would be better if it was

First of all, WELL DONE HERE!!!
Its not often that I can actually LAUGH with a clopper, yet, you do it so well. I must give credit where credit is due, because yours manages to stand out from the rest due to the persona of Dash actually telling this story instead of some third-person wanna-be voyeur with no personality telling the story in a boring fashion. This earns a thumbs up here, something I rarely give. Only the most original or touching fics get a like AND fav.

For your efforts, have some staches.

My only regret is that I don't have more of this to read!

This must be remedied immediately!

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Hmm, well, it's not really more repetitive than the frequent 'I's seen in first-person, or the endless he and she-ing of third person fics. But immersion is, of course, an incredibly personal thing, and it if takes you out of the story, then yes, it would kind of ruin the whole thing. I have the same thing with a lot of movies I watch, if the internal logic doesn't add up; destroys my sense of immersion faster than you can say 'suspension of disblief.'

But second-person... I dunno, it always reminds me of those old text-adventures - from before they invented graphics - which I used to play on my dad's ancient computer long after they had stopped being a thing. Those were always in the second person - "you are standing in front of a white house" - and always managed to suck me into their world quite a bit, to the point that I'm still afraid of being eaten by a grue in the dark...

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This is actually the first time I've written a story in first-person. Or in second-person. And you're right, that first one's a pretty fun perspective to use, since you can inject a personality - flaws and all - into the writing itself.

I'm probably screwing up second-person royally by writing too much personality into the you-character, but I didn't want him to be a bland audience insert... And I personally think it's kind of funny to put words into all of your mouths.

I want that second person story. Where can I find it? I don't know where it is, but I will find it and I will read it.

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Did you know that adding 'Except in Bed' works even better?

That was beyond weird, well past interesting, and crazy awesome.
I'm dumping my gf to date you. Seriously. She's old news now.

I mean, this whole thing is a mindfuck of epic proportions. I don't even care that it's all in genres I hate to read, it hit all the right points and was an amazing ride.

Unreliable narrator, the use of vocabulary, the general spoof of the fandom, the random memes. Everything that should make a clopfic awful is what makes this one awesome.

Don't stop. Ever.

1866089 I believe I have a character that I believe would serve as maybe perhaps a foil to Dash in all her respects, a type of near polar opposite in all respects... I am intimate with this character's personality. If you are interested after reading about him, let me know through a PM or a comment on my user page and see if perhaps we could do an impromptu "conversation" of sorts that could turn into a story for you, maybe. Here is the link to the character and his character background. Be warned, its a bit...lengthy.

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I'm the same way with internal logic inconsistencies, to the point of often getting yelled at by family when I express my opposition to said inconsistencies.

Hey.

Good to see you experimenting with perspective. I think you've done very well so far, and I hope to see more from you soon.

Now, I have my questions, but some others have already voiced them. All I can do now is wait.

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Nuuu, don't dump anyone yet. Thank you so much for your kind words. Again.
(Steel told me what you said about my contributions to I Love To See You Smile, which made me blush...)

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They were supposed to be confusing, but subtle and gradually more and more obvious. If they were too jarring then I kinda failed, in that regard...
It's funny though, I totally had to tell my pre-readers to please not correct any "mistakes" with pony-terms, since most couldn't help but point them out to me.

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Ah, yeah, I've pissed off a few people who were more capable of just shutting off their brains and rolling with it, myself. "It's just a movie!" they'd say.

1866385
Oh, dude, it sounds interesting! I'm really flattered you'd ask, but to be honest, I'm boobs-deep in half- or unwritten story ideas already; I really shouldn't be embarking on any new projects. (Particularly not since I also proofread for a bunch of fine folk, and my time is limited!)

I don't usually read stuff like this, but this was pretty darn good

"Please, do go on..."

1867072 Whoever said you actually HAD to do a story. The chance to be in character and have a nice "chat" with Dashie is more than enough for me. It does not have to be rushed, it can be whenever you feel is convenient. Just give it some thought. Besides, I always wondered what it would be like to "speak" to Dash, or anyone quite cocky as her anyhow.

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Yeah... I tend to notice them very easily since I picture the scene in my head as I read, so it's more that any of it was jarring for me. I will admit... I had a couple of quotes and fixes lined up in the comment box until I realized what was going on.

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It was the thought that counts.

and then went on an epic quest with Pinkie Pie to locate the magical liopleurodon

*leopleuradon

denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2569-a2248720-6beb-4b3f-9eaa-a215769c0c11.png

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"Actually," Twilight patiently lectures you, "as I've told Pinkie a gazillion times by now, the correct spelling is 'Liopleurodon.' That's what my 'Complete Ancient Bestiary of Equestria, Volume XII' says, so it must be accurate!"

"[Citation needed]! Wheee!"

Bleedin' fantastic.

Eagerly awaiting more.

That is all.

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Now that's a phrase I hear a lot, and, in fact, I heard it daily in the days leading up to Christmas when I was forced to sit through Home Alone mulitple times as work.

“Sorry,” you say sheepishly, feeling dreadfully predictable and lame. Turnip, you think next, just to confuse her in case she really is listening in.

Not much of a fan of 1st person stories, but this one was damn hilarious. Even through the sex I was laughing at "Dashie's" narrations.

"The chances of anything coming to equestria" War of the worlds anypony?

1872172 Ahh, yes. Jeff Wayne. ...now I will forever associate that entire production with pony as well. I'm okay with this...

1867255 I am watching the actual, certifiable fk out of this fic.

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Yup! All the chapter titles will follow that particular chorus (as such, no points will be awarded for guessing the next one). There will be four chapters in all.

And in case you hadn't noticed yet: the story description itself is also loosely based on some of the (spoken) lines in The Eve of the War.

'Few men even considered the possibility of ponies existing, and yet, a mind immeasurably cuter than ours regarded this brony with desiring eyes, and slowly, and surely, drew its plans to meet him.'

DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN!

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I love that so much, I wish I'd come up with it!