Agent of Chaos

by Enfield

Two Tons Of Steel Vs Twenty Pounds Of Cake

"Is the cake secure?" I ask a pony who's strapping the birthday cake to the roof of my car.

"Yep, shouldn't bounce around or fall off," he replied.

"Excellent," I say. Twilight then walks over to my window.

"Scott, can I tell you something?" she says in a worried tone.

"What is it?" I ask.

"It's-it's about your Cutie Mark. I think I might have figured out what it is."

"Can it wait until we get to the party?" I ask.

"But-" Twilight begins but I cut her off.

"Look I really want to give Princess Luna her cake and I want to meet the rest of her family. Once all that is done you can take me aside and we can talk, but for now can you walk on the left side of the car with Applejack while Pinkie and Rarity are on the right side?"

"Sure, what are you planning?" Twilight asks.

"I just want you guys in a sort of escort formation in case the cake decides to take an unexpected leap of faith."

Twilight nods and stands in front of Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy fly above my Interceptor and get ready in case the cake falls off the roof. I start up the car and immediately give thanks for the box that holds the cake, if it wasn't there then the thing would be ruined by the exhaust fumes. Petroleum vapors and baked goods don't bode well when combined. I start rolling forwards and follow the carriages that are making their way up to the castle. I try and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down but I then realize how I'm going to actually present this thing for the Princesses. I can't just take the cake and leave the Interceptor behind, the upper crust looking ponies will have never seen such an amazing sight before and I wanted to make sure that it would be the last happy memory that they will have. Oh God, it's almost time. Why? Why does this have to happen, and more importantly, what did I do to deserve this? Sweat runs down my face so I turn on the air-con to cool myself down. As I calm down I know how I'm going to make this a party to remember. We reach the road that is next to the front door of the castle and I put my plan into motion.

"You guys go to those steps and I'll meet you there," I say.

"But Scott, you'll never be able to carry that cake by yourself," Applejack said.

"Just go, you'll see the genius of my plan," I say with a grin. Twilight and her friends all set off and head up to the castle.

"Kill them, kill them now." Discord's voice comes from the radio.

"Not yet my lord," I say in a hushed whisper. I look to my left and right and see several ponies stare at me in my car. I look ahead and focus on the front door.

"Here we go."

I flick on the lights and accelerate to the front gate of the castle, ignoring the several guards that jump out of the way. The staircase to the door is all that stands in my way and I know that the carpet will prevent me from getting up it.

"Come on, give me some grip."

The car hits the bottom of the steps and climbs the carpet covered stairs with almost no effort. I look out the front of the car and see the grand entrance hall that stands before me, my red and blue pursuit lights illuminate the entire room with quick flashes and just for effect I give the engine a quick burst and the sound of the V8 echos around the room.

"Oh yeah," I say, "This is going to be fun."

A massive crowd of ponies have gathered up on the floor below me and are staring in awe as I slowly descend the second staircase into the castle. A load of guards have taken up position in front of the crowd and are aiming spears at me. I rev the engine and even though I can see them back away, they tense up and get ready to attack but Twilight has teleported in front of the Interceptor.

"Wait! It's okay, this thing is only some sort of machine."

The guards back down a little then part as another, and much larger, unicorn approaches. He looks down at me and then to Twilight.

"Hey Twily, what took you so long to get here?"

"Well, it has to do with this," Twilight replied as she holds a hoof out to my car. I give the engine another burst of power and turn off the lights. The unicorn watches as I step out and stretch out the stiffness in my back.

"I really hate sitting in one place for a long time," I say.

"Who's this?" the unicorn asked Twilight.

"Oh this is Scott Websly. Scott, meet my older brother Shining Armor."

Sodding hell the job just get much harder to deal with. I'll try and see if I can persuade Discord to leave him alone for Twilight's sake, I may be working for the God of Chaos but unlike him, I have a bit of sympathy for the ponies who are going to be living in a hell for the rest of their lives.

"Nice to meet you," I say as I check to see if the Element of Chaos is tucked away under my shirt. Once I find out that it is I relax.

"Have you been scaring my little sister?" Shining Armor asks me. His tone is a little bit frightening but the look on his face makes me see that he's only messing with me.

"Only when she doesn't expect it," I retort. Shining armor laughs and slaps me on the back.

"You're really funny you know, I guess Luna was right about you. So what's this thingamajig you have?"

"I'll show you when the cake contest comes around. When is it?"

"In a few minutes," Shining Armor said, "Come and follow me, I'll show you where it's being held."

Shining Armor leads us through the castle and we end up in a massive courtyard that oversees the whole of Equestria. I almost stop dead from the amazing sight but a few spear toting guards behind me make me continue. The rumble of the car's engine is enough to attract the attention of everypony at the party, I look to my left and sitting behind a large table is none other than Princess Luna but sitting next to her is a pure white alicorn with a mane that flows like water. Just from looking at her I can tell that she is Princess Celestia, sworn enemy of Discord.

"Do not mess this up," Discord's voice comes through the radio, "I will wait until the Elements are destroyed but getting to them is all up to you. Make sure you don't get caught."

"As you wish my lord," I say quietly.

As I inch my way to the spot where Ponyville's cake will be placed I see Celestia lean a little closer to me and stare not in amazement or awe, but in confusion as if she's seen the Interceptor before. I reverse the car into our spot, get out and stand next to Pinkie Pie. She smiles and waves to some of our competitors. I look at them as well and see what I'm up against. Some cake makers are in groups like me and Pinkie but most are alone or with another pony. I see Gustav, Joe and Mulia in the contenders, the cakes are all covered by cloth or in boxes. Some of the groups have contrived ways to present their cakes, one group of pegasi have theirs up on some sort of Egyptian sofa that would carry a pharaoh. Another group have their cake on a jewel studded cart, Rarity looks to the cart and then my car.

"I really wish we did the same."

"Not to worry," I say, "It's all a matter of perception."

"I don't know if we can win this," Rainbow Dash said. I pretend to get annoyed.

"That's a very defeatist attitude. We haven't even started yet."

Rainbow Dash cringes and backs up to hide her shame. I look back up to the table that contains the royalty, I see another alicorn up there with Shining armor. This alicorn is much smaller than Celestia and Luna and is a tinged pink, I ask Twilight and find out that the name of the alicorn is Princess Cadence. Turns out she looks over the Crystal Empire, whatever that is. I go back to standing and waiting for Princess Celestia to call us up to present our cake. The contenders are called in order and I can see that we're fifth to present. The first one up is Gustav, typical French personality, always wanting to be first. But being French, Gustav will have created something amazing. Or something very embarrassing. Gustav wheels out a tiny tray and presents a silver dome on a dish to Luna. I look closer and as he lifts off the cover I fail to see a cake. what was there appeared to be a tiny pastry. Oh dear, he's buggered that up. Luna picks up the cake with her magic and eats it in one bite.

"Do you approve of it?" Gustav asks. Luna swallows the cake and gives a look of disappointment.

"It was a nice little cake but that was what it's problem was, to small to fully enjoy."

Hah! Take that you French showoff! Gustav goes back to his spot, looking rather upset, I can't help but feel slightly sorry for him. Maybe next year, once you learn to make bigger cakes. The next pony up is Joe and he's made a huge cake entirely out of...donuts? The cake is in the shape of Luna standing tall. It impresses me but as The royal family plucks bits of the cake off and eat it, I can see Joe cringe. He must have worked hard on that cake and it was now missing it's head. I sense a metaphor in the headless cake statue but I hold it in rather than tell anypony around me. Third one up Is Mulia and my word, she's made a chocolate moose. It literary is a moose made of chocolate. The Princesses eat some and I can see that they are enjoying it. After Muila is dismissed the pegasi are up and they bring the cake right to Luna. I have no idea what it looks like but then the four pegasi that aren't holding the cake all take off and start preforming tricks in the sky. I watch and then realize that they are trying to get extra recognition for putting on a show. I see and hear ponies cheer and clap and the royal family is nodding and cheering as well. Two can play at this game. The pegasi bow and leave and we are called up.

"Ponyville, present you cake to the Princess!" some random pony in front of the royal table says.

"Same as before," I say as I get back into the car and start it. The six take up the previous positions from earlier and with me and my Interceptor in the middle of them we slowly approach the royal table. The royal family looks down at me and I feel relaxed when I see that they're more curious than suspicious. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie unhook the cake from my car while Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy take the top of the box off the cake. I get out just in time to see Luna gasp in amazement.

"This is amazing."

I reach up and hit the button on the model Lunar Lander and the famous Neil Armstrong quote emits from it.

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

"Happy Birthday Princess Luna," I say as I lean against the car. Luna looks down at me, tears of joy forming in her eyes. Princess Cadence chirps up.

"What is that contraption you have there?"

"A police Interceptor," I reply, "I thought that you would want to see a technological marvel yourself."

"It's a strange sight if you don't mind my saying," Princess Celestia said. I nod in agreement as Luna and Celestia lift the cake off the car and onto the table. They go to cut it but I stop them because I've just thought of an idea that is a win-win situation.

"Before you sample my cake, would you like to go for a ride in my Interceptor?"

Luna and Celestia exchange looks before looking down at my Interceptor. They both nod and descend their stand to join me by the side of my car. Shining Armor and Princess Cadence join me as well, both seem eager to join me and the Princess sisters.

"Can we all fit inside?" Celestia asks me.

"Oh yeah, five seats. Also, since Luna is our birthday Princess she gets to go in the front seat."

I open up the car doors and allow Luna to clamber in the front seat and for Celestia, Cadence and Shining to get in the back. I shut the doors before entering the drivers seat and starting the car and looking over to Luna, she looks a little afraid along with the other royals in the back. I pull on my seat belt and tell the others to do what I did. Luna looks over to me again as she pulls the seat belt across herself.

"Why are we wearing these?" she asks.

"It's for your safety," I reply, "You guys might want to hold on."

"Why? What are you planning?" Cadence asks.

As I steer the car to the entrance of the castle and aim the front of the car into the castle.

"Just hold on."

I stomp on the accelerator pedal and the car screams into life as the back wheels spin and make smoke that trails out of the back. I turn on the lights, release the handbrake and the car shoots down the hallway at speeds that would be illegal on normal roads. Lucky for me there are no ponies in the hallways that I choose to drive through. I look to my right and see Luna is leaning back in her seat, looking terrified. I switch my view to the rear view mirror and see that Celestia looks just as scared as Luna but Cadence and Shining both look extremely excited. Cadence is letting out a few happy yells as I drift around corners and speed down empty halls, Shining keeps urging me to go faster. I push the engine to go as fast as it possibly can until I glance at the fuel gauge and see that the engine is now running on fumes. I skid into the hallway that leads to the courtyard and spear down it until we reach the courtyard where I pull and handbrake turn and stop dead in the middle of the courtyard. The kinetic energy from the stop almost makes us smash our heads against the windows. I unbuckle myself and jump out so I can open up the car doors for the royal family. Cadence and Shining get out first, Shining shakes my hoof and Cadence gives me a quick hug as thanks. Celestia gets out next and she nods in approval.

"You have an amazing machine, I wish that we were able to continue."

"It's out of fuel, once I find more we can have more fun" I say, but in the back of my mind I know that this will never happen. Luna eventually gets out and walks over to me. Her expression was hard to read but I can tell that she wants to tell me something.

"Did you like the ride?" I ask her. Luna doesn't respond, instead she leans closer to my ear, I expect her to whisper a thanks or something secret in my ear but she does something that I never would have expected. She kisses me right on the side of my head.

I freeze in place as Luna steps back and thanks me.

"That was the best birthday present I have ever received, I really knew that there was something great about you."

I'm still frozen in place but I've regained my ability to speak.

"Y-y-y-you're welcome Princess Luna." I stutter.

"Shall we try you're cake now?" Celestia said. I take a deep breath and slowly lean against the side of the car.

"Go right ahead, there's plenty for everypony."

As the royal family and several ponies go over to try the cake Twilight and her friends come over to me.

"Did Luna just kiss you?" Pinkie asks.

"No denying it, Pinkie," I say, "You guys go and get some cake."

Pinkie almost pushes the others to the cake but a very disturbing noise makes the stop and me freeze once again in fear. The royal family and several ponies along with Mulia, Joe and Gustav are coughing and spitting out bits of cake, my cake.

"What is this sorcery?" Celestia says with anger.

"Did he just try to kill us?" Shining asks.

"This cake is awful!" Cadence says before tossing her slice to the ground. Luna looks at me with a burning fury in her eyes.

"GUARDS!" she bellows, "SEIZE THAT PONY! HE HAS TRIED TO KILL US WITH A POISONED CAKE!"

As the guards look to me and draw their weapons I now know that this is the perfect time to set my plan into motion. But the only thing that is stopping me are several very powerful ponies who think that I just tried to poison them. The warmth from earlier has now vanished and I know that if I'm caught, I'll probably be executed.

"Bollocks." I think.

Comments

[Linkonpark100]

Oh, man! Damn cliffhangers! Still, I'm actually excited for the climax of the episode.

[MonolithiuM]

What happened to the cake?!

[macoman1]

1843818
I love you.

[CrystalHero97]

........um what the hell happened to the cake?

[The Zealot]

I'm gonna assume that the illusion from the Element doesn't work on Alicorns and well trained royal guards (i.e. Shining).