That bit at the end made me laugh. On the whole, well done. Could use a bit of polish, but then again most do. Take a star from me!

Luna.

Seems good, will come back and read later

Edit: Read it, loved it, insta-faved. Now all we need is a Twilight chapter.

Wonderful. You did absolutely wonderful. For a second person narrative, you did better than any other I have read.

This is a whole new level of clopfiction, it's amazing!

Who was the narrator?

Oh great. You've gone and fed my addiction. Oh well. It's fucking Fluttershy! (no pun intended) Thanks for the great story and can't wait to see more.

1536289 I want to see that too.

This could use some work on some points, but overall I like the feel you're going for-- lustful porn without plot that's also tender and, dare I say, sweet-hearted. *upvotes*

'Second in command'?

Other than that, attention received. Also, that awkward moment when someone has watched you and your wife alone.

1537094 Sorry about that, I put second in command because I wrote this all in one shot for a friend of mine, I was running out of various ways to refer to the same thing.

1537104
Eh, it wouldn't be a 'mature themed romance story' without at least one face palm worthy pun.
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I loved the ending part. xD

great so far, wanting to see more .

have some derpy for your "hard" work, du dum dum.

I loved the story can't waite for the others also loled on the ending. By the way there are more then one human in thet word right where your storyes happen right?

Are there more than one human in this world? Hmm... Seeing as i plan to write multiple short stories for this series I think It'd make sense to make them interconnected, yes there are multiple humans in this world.

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Can't wait to read more.

1538913 Didn't take you long to discover I pt it up eh ninja? Got an idea for a Trixie and a Luna one for this series, can't decide which one to do first.

good stuff

1536289 Might I ask what you are doing here?

1541721 Waiting for a Luna chapter. Oh, and I'm working on the peering editing for my CBA.

1541751 CBA?

1541777 Class Based Assessment. It's for my US History class and a graduation requirement.

1541784 Oh. My school's initials are CBA, so I thought you went there

1541803 Oh. Well that's fine.

Lucky for you the next chapter will be with Luna

YAYYYYY!

more I say. I need more.

1545044 Amon it!

amon a boat!!!

1545464

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You have my attention.

I hate to be "that guy", but use the right your/you're. You slipped up a couple times.
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Other than that, good story.

I usually hate clop fics because I don't believe in having sex outside marriage....this is one exception

Loved it sooo much. Great job!

1542312 Already read it. It's awesome

Well. . . I guess everyone has skeletons in the closet