10: The Not-So-Final Flight of Icarus
The Not-So-Final Flight of Icarus
"Hold still dear, just a few more …" Rarity trailed off, horn aglow and deep in concentration.
"My apologies Miss Rarity, I just find this so fascinating!" Alpha replied while balancing on two legs, one back leg propped up on a table and a front leg waving in the air with a glowing hoof. The latest in 'bubble practice', as he came to think of it, was seeing how large he could make and maintain them. The beach-ball sized bubble at the tip of his hoof was growing very slowly now that he had reached a new record in size and it was starting to wobble in a decidedly unhealthy manner.
Rarity was meticulously working his flank- or rather, the flank section of the jumpsuit he currently wore. She had found it too plain and added it to her list of last minute changes; one of which was adjusting the mask to accommodate the newly discovered horn and allow enough of his mane to spill out in order to keep it hidden, as per his request.
"How about now?" Rarity asked, a floating cloth wiping the beads of sweat from her brow. Alpha risked a glance down at the pattern just long enough to take in the latest adjustment in a long line to what was supposed to be an accurate depiction of the Centaurus constellation, made of tiny baby-blue sapphire chips.
Unfortunately for Rarity, she did not share Alpha and Twilight's fascination with the stars and had taken at least ten tries at getting it right. Somewhere around attempt number five she had come to regret the decision to let Alpha decide what pattern to use during an unusual case of 'creative block' and by now she was almost all nerves trying to keep herself from yelling at the completely oblivious young stallion.
"Perfect," said Alpha, eyes already back on the bubble that was now nearly as tall as he was, though the wobbling was so horrible that it resembled a squirming grub more than a sphere. As expected, it popped. "Sunspots," he exhaled along with Rarity, though she was doing so for a completely different reason.
The tired seamstress unceremoniously shoved Alpha's leg off the table and nudged him over to the middle of the room. "Okay, now for the final touch!" she exclaimed with a smile, glad to have the end it sight at last.
Stepping back, her horn glowed brightly as she charged up the spell while a distracted Alpha rubbed his chin, deep in thought and idly stretching his cramped back leg. When the spell discharged in a flash of sky blue light the flame patterns and the lines connecting the sapphires had taken on an orange and blue fluorescent glow, respectively, and the black material shone as if it was made of the finest glass.
"Ta-da! Brilliance made manifest, wouldn't you agree?" she asked, quite please with the overall outcome.
Alpha glanced back at the design again only to do a double take as he realized the change. "How- what- is that- …" his mouth just hung open, jaw twitching with malformed words.
"I know, I know. It is simply too magnificent for words!" Rarity gushed, "But we shall have to save our admiration for later I'm afraid," she looked out the window, "You are one of the guests of honor at the party and we do seem to be pushing the limits of being fashionably late," she ended, chuckling at her own clever use of words.
"Party? Oh! That party. Pinkette's party! I completely forgot." Alpha exclaimed.
"Pinkie," Rarity corrected.
"What?"
"I believe you are referring to Pinkie Pie, not 'Pinkette'"
"Right, yes, what you said, ummm … but I was supposed to get back to Twilight about something we-"
"Oh don't worry about that dear, she's probably already there having the time of her life!"
Twilight Sparkle did not feel well at all. For the entire day she had been tripping over her own thoughts trying to sort out these strange new feelings she had been experiencing and along came doctor Heartstrong to throw another monkey wrench into the works.
"I- I'm sorry, what?" she asked, the implications already starting to sink in but doing little to ease their shocking nature.
"I had some doubts about the results and paid him a visit at the room by the train station boarding house where he was staying this morning only to find him collapsed just inside the door and frothing at the mouth. By the time we got him to the emergency room he was catatonic. At around midday when we stabilized his condition he was clinically comatose as a result of massive hemorrhaging that began in his left temporal lobe," doctor Heartstrong elaborated. Twilight was still staring at him with open-mouthed disbelief. "Up until now I cannot find a cause. It's as if the blood vessels spontaneously ruptured of their own volition!" he exclaimed, finishing his exposition.
"B-b-but that doesn't make sense, brains don't spontaneously hemorrhage ... do they? And even so, it seems quite unlikely that it could have anything to do with Alpha-"
"Oh? What makes you say that?" the doctor asked almost accusingly.
"Well it's obvious isn't it? From what he told me you should already know that he is almost completely incapable of using magic; one of the only things I can think of that might incriminate him in this strange case"
"Almost completely?"
"Oh that's right, he didn't manage to do anything in your office did he. When he … came by … this morning, we took a look at his magic flow and found some very interesting things. I'll have to tell you about the details later but he did manage to lift a feather in a rather unusual way-"
"Unusual you say?"
Twilight furrowed her eyebrows in slight annoyance, "Is that necessary doctor?"
"I'm sorry, I've been spending too much time with my nose buried in detective novels," he said with a nervous chuckle, "but please, go on."
She explained the minor feat that Alpha performed in the library earlier that day. "Basically his command over magic is extremely limited; I doubt he could harm anypony with it - unless they were allergic to feathers maybe"
"Hmmm. While I would normally tend to agree with you there, his show of extra-ordinary healing suggests otherwise. If he was somehow subconsciously using magic to heal himself, perhaps he could do something similar to harm others-"
"Wild speculation! We still can't say for certain that his healing was a result of magic!" The frustration was now clear in Twilight's voice, causing doctor Heartstrong to look at her in confusion.
"Miss Twilight, are you alright?" he asked in concern.
"N- yes … I don't know!" She turned away from him suddenly in an attempt to hide the conflicting emotions playing across her face. Unfortunately for her, the doctor learned all he needed to by the tone of her voice.
"Miss … Twilight I don't want to rush to conclusions either, but I am concerned about the well-being of everypony here in Ponyville, including Alpha. I don't want to ruin what looks like a great get-together you and your friends are having here, but please, I urge you … be careful. At least until we find out more?"
Twilight sighed. She was doing it again. Whenever she had read about other ponies letting their feelings get in the way of logic she had found the notion completely unbelievable. The stories never mentioned how utterly confusing those feelings could be. And here she was, defending a complete stranger who, for all she knew, could actually be responsible for this grievous misdeed. 'Well … not complete stranger,' she thought to herself warmly as she remembered the long talk that previous night.
"Okay," she started, turning a little to look sideways at him, "I get it. I'll keep an eye on him tonight. I just- it doesn't feel right. I know he went a little crazy on me back at the hospital that day but since then he's been nothing but … humble. I just can't imagine him causing serious harm to anypony; I doubt he even could hurt a fly."
"Thank you. I have to get back and check up on doctor Tintenflecks. If anything comes up, anything at all-"
"You'll be the first to know. I Pinkie swear," she added, managing a smile.
"Pinkie sw-"
"I promise."
The doctor nodded and turned to leave. Just as Twilight did the same he looked back, "Oh and Twilight?"
"Yea?"
"Happy Birthday." With that they both smiled and parted ways.
"… and we all remember when she first came to Ponyville, a curious young mare with a mission from Princess Celestia herself! I mean, really, who doesn't remember the Summer Sun Celebration that year? Why without her, we would- oh! And there's our first guest of honor right now!" Pinkie Pie interrupted herself, pointing a hoof in a dramatic pose at the door Twilight had just walked through. A random spotlight illuminated the befuddled lavender mare and she squinted in confusion, lifting a hoof to cover her eyes as she tried to figure out what was going on. The music had been paused and everyone had been listening intently to Pinkie's speech until Twilight entered the room.
Pinkie Pie somehow appeared next to her with a microphone in hoof, "Can we get a word from the savior of Equestria and belated birthday girl?" The mic was thrust at a completely off-guard Twilight Sparkle.
"Uh … hi? Eheh-" she mumbled, ending with a forced cough. The sound system started to echo the crickets before the silence could completely take over.
Pinkie blinked for a moment, "… And there you have it everypony, the bashful student of Princess Celestia herself! Give her a round of applause!" There was a thundering noise as the ponies gathered began to stomp there front hooves and cheer. "And of course we have a new pony in Ponyville tonight, I'll be introducing him to you all just as soon as he gets here. Until then, hit it DJ!" Pinkie was back up on the table in the center of the room again, striking a rock star pose on that last bit.
The music kicked back up and everyone began to dance or mingle again. A few well-wishers crowded around Twilight to say a few words or enthusiastically point out the present they had left on the table set aside for them.
After a while the crowd around her thinned out and only Applejack, Fluttershy and Spike remained. Twilight was just starting to relax when they all heard a familiar voice.
"Excuse me, hello? Is this thing on?" Rarity was up on the table this time, tapping at the microphone. The music faded out, "Ahem, yes well- fillies and gentlecolts if I may have your attention for just a moment; it is with great pride that I give you all a sneak peak at what I hope will be a crowning achievement of my fashion career. Put your hooves to the floor for Alpha Centauri wearing my latest creation, a little something I like to call …" Rarity paused, never missing a chance to be dramatic, "Blazing Midnight!" She struck one of her signature poses, reared back on her hind legs with a fore leg extended high in the air, inclined slightly toward the bakery's backroom where she had snuck Alpha in for the surprise introduction.
The mysterious spotlight appeared on the doorway and the crowd started to stomp but it quickly died down as they all realized no one was coming out. Rarity opened one eye, still in her pose, then the other as she realized something was wrong.
"Ahem, I said 'Blazing Midnight!'" she called out what was supposed to be Alpha's cue again, a little louder this time and with more flourish of her extended hoof. Still nothing. Her expression deadpanned as she came back down to all-fours. "Pinkie you better not ha-"
Two pink hooves shoved a completely unaware stallion through the double doors, his mouth smeared with icing as he continued to munch on a cupcake even as he stumbled forward on three legs, eyes closed in an expression of pure bliss. Rarity dropped the mic and face-hoofed. The crowd began to ooo and aaa, all quite taken with the sight before them. By the time they started to applaud Rarity froze in the middle of hurriedly wiping Alpha's face with a hoofkerchief and scolding Pinkie Pie in a hushed tone from between clenched teeth. She slowly looked around; her face shifting from anger to shock then finally, slowly, a smile.
"Thank you, thank you!" She called, the cloth flying off to the left when she spun around and took a bow. Pinkie Pie picked up the mic and appeared on the table all in a flash.
"Ponyville's very own star fashionista, Rarity! And yup- you guessed it; the one we've all been waiting for, brand new to our crazy little town, let's have another round of applause for Alpha Centauri!" The stomping this time was a bit more toned down as many were caught up admiring Rarity's handiwork or figuring out just how they felt about this mysterious new pony. "Is there anything you would you like to tell all of Ponyville tonight Alpha?" she asked, thrusting the mic at his muzzle.
Alpha simply held out the almost finished bit of cupcake and with a huge smile asked, "Whoever Ponyville is, she has to try these!"
Pinkie laughed into the mic, "That's right everypony, he loves to eat yummy food! Don't miss your chance to get to know him better and make a new friend! But hooves off fillies, word coming down the grapevine is he's taken!" she ended with a wink in Twilight's direction.
Twilight had been sitting off in a corner staring at Alpha with crossed forelegs and a hard-set frown from the moment he had appeared. Now she went wide-eyed before thrusting her snout in the air and yelling "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" and stuffed a confection from a nearby table into her mouth, the steam from her nostrils visible as she fumed silently with the frown twice as deep now, although this time she was glaring daggers into the apprentice baker instead.
None of the others seemed to notice however as the music suddenly kicked back up even louder than it was before and a startled jumpsuit-wearing pony clamped his hooves over his ears and winced, the bit of cupcake tumbling away from him in a flurry of crumbs.
Rarity was too caught up with a crowd of ponies that was congratulating her and most of the others were busy jamming to what was actually a very popular song to notice. Twilight, on the other hand, got up and ploughed through the crowd, making her way over to Alpha. By the time she got to the spot where he had been, however, all she found was one of the double doors slowly swinging. Putting two and two together she pushed through them, passing only a quick glance around the back area before continuing on through the back door exit.
In the moonlit street behind Sugarcube Corner a dark shape was rubbing its ears vigorously. Twilight laid a hoof on its shoulder only to feel a tinge of disappointment as it jumped and pulled away, looking around quickly.
"Oh Twilight, h-hi," Alpha said in an abnormally loud voice, "I did not notice you there."
Twilight tilted her head, "Are you okay?" she asked, forgetting whatever it was she was so mad about earlier.
"What? You will need to speak louder, I cannot seem to hear much right now," he bellowed, "I do not think it is normal for my ears to be ringing like this!"
She remembered the first time she had been to a party with Vinyl Scratch in charge of the music, a jarring experience to say the least when she found herself too close to the speakers. 'Still, it wasn't this bad.' She thought to herself. 'Wait. Could he be ... no that's not ... is anyone that good? The jumpiness, the way he just leaves abruptly ... could this ignorance of even simple words, this memory loss ... all be feigned? What if he really did do it? I could be acting so casually and trusting around a pony more dangerous than any creature I've ever dealt with! Well no longer! I must be prepared! Let's see what protection spells would be most-' she snickered but quickly regained her composure, 'most effec-' more snickering, this time with a snort thrown in.
Twilight broke down laughing at the sight in front of her. Alpha had begun to scratch at his ears with his back hooves. The sight reminded her of Winona and it was, quite frankly, hilarious.
"Wh-" she gasped for air, "What are you doing?" she asked in between gulped breaths.
"What?!" he bellowed back, stopping in mid scratch, ear cocked and beg leg held still in the mid-air.
Twilight could not help letting out another chuckle before casting a spell. When the light subsided Alpha had a look of immense relief on his face and sunk down into a content sitting position.
"So much better," he sighed.
'No pony can be that good,' she thought to herself, 'I don't know what's going on around here but it just can't be his fault.'
"You have got to be the strangest pony I've-" she caught sight of something pink behind her, part of a pattern on the stylized bakery building, "one of the strangest ponies I've ever met," she finished. How could anyone ever forget Pinkie Pie.
"And ... strange is good?" he asked curiously, turning his head to look at her.
"Sometimes. It sure can be funny, I'll say that much," she gave one last giggle before switching subjects, "I like your new look," she said casually, admiring the stylization along the lower legs.
"Oh I bet you will really like this then!" Alpha said excitedly, whirling around and waving his rear in her face.
"Gah-" Twilight reflexively drew back at the apparently vulgar display, "What are you- oh! Is that? I see! Hmmm," she narrowed her eyes, nose only a foot away from the design on his flank, "Is it ... oh I know, it's the Centaurus constellation right?"
"You guessed it!"
"This is pretty close. This star right here," she poked one particular sapphire chip, "needs to be just a smidge to the right. Is this what you and Rarity were doing all day?"
"Oh no, not all day," Alpha said, straightening back up, "she took me to some place called ... uhhh ... 'Spah'?"
"Aaaaah, it all makes sense now," Twilight conceded, rolling her eyes as she remembered their last visit. She sighed, Her mind returning to the business at hand. The business ... what was- "Oh yeah, do you want to hear what I found out today?"
"Found- oh you mean with the magic thing- hey check this out!" The words all came out in a flood as he bolted upright and stretched out a glowing hoof, beginning to form a bubble at its tip. Twilight watched in amazement as it grew quickly to the size of a pony. A pony the size of Big Mac. Then it slowed down and stopped growing, content to just hover there.
Twilight, ever observant, immediately noticed a few things. First, Alpha did not appear to have physically or mentally exerted himself at all when performing this feat. Second, it was not his horn that glowed, as was the case with normal unicorn spell-casting, but his hooves- or more accurately, the shoes on his front hooves. Finally, the bubble she was now staring at was at least one fifteen times larger than the one he had conjured in the library earlier.
"Fascinating!" She exclaimed, walking slowly around the sphere noting its color, viscosity and lack of imperfections. "Can you ..." she trailed off as she poked at it, finding the surface remarkably solid for what looked like something you could make with soapy water if not for the grayish tint. Finally she turned and looked at the young stallion who was grinning with his chest puffed out and beaming proudly. "Can you do that again? Except, this time let me use the trace spell, I need to see what's going on inside you!" Her horn began to glow, already expecting a positive answer as she cast the detection spell.
"I see no reason why not. I was practicing this all day!" he exclaimed happily, dismissing the first sphere with a wave of his other hoof. There was a short and low hiss as it faded out of existence.
Twilight observed the faint green aura around him even before he began. It was flowing mostly down into his front hooves now. But instead of the dull green point she observed earlier at the tip of his horn, the shoes were glowing pools of intense green light. The feeling of elation was satisfying as she began to realize her earlier hypothesis had been correct.
There would be time for that later however, as she gasped when Alpha stretched forth his hoof once more and the magically visible green light mixed with the normally visible yellow glow as the second bubble began to form, that snotty link between his hoof and the bubble quickly straightening into a rigid beam of green light as the magic flowed from his hoof tip into the newly forming sphere. When he finished, the link went slack again, making Alpha emit an involuntary sound of disgust as he turn his hoof to look at it as one would look at gum stuck to the bottom of one's shoe.
"Fascinating!" was all Twilight could say while Alpha scraped his hoof along the ground and looked back at it every now and again. She had never seen magic used in this manner before. And of course, at the same time, she had never seen an external object (or objects in this case) used as a focus for magic. Receptacle? A bit of both, really. "It looks like your shoes are acting as a trap for the energy that would normally be leaking from your horn! Ooo I wish I'd brought something to write with!"
Alpha watched Twilight with a contented smile on his face. He could not for the life of him figure out why, nor was he trying to, but whenever this lavender-furred pony in front of him was happy he felt a strange warm fuzzy feeling that he was completely unaccustomed to. All he could tell for certain was that he wanted to keep feeling that way. And that is when he had his first great idea since waking up days ago.
With a flourish of his front hooves he reversed the growth of the sphere until it was once again just one tenth complete, resembling instead, a curved platform. Lowering it to the ground he stepped onto it, or, over it? Well what happened next was a little disconcerting to say the least. As he moved himself over the grayish platform, inch by inch, each section of his body that entered the area just above its surface felt weightless. None-the-less, after a bit of awkward, leg-wobbling moments, he managed to climb all the way aboard without losing his balance. Very strange. Anything more than a few inches above the platform still felt normal and it was actually quite difficult trying to stay upright when there was nothing touching his hooves. Like riding an invisible scooter.
Looking over at Twilight he realized she was still rambling on gleefully, staring off in a different direction. 'Hmmm,' he thought, 'not quite what I was- what if ...' and with a gentle yellow glow he slowly began to reform the sphere from the bottom up. Every inch upward made it easier and easier to remain in a standing position until half-way completed he realized the world was tilted. 'Wait that is not right ... oh I see!' He realized he had ever so slightly begun to rotate while he had been concentrating.
Leaving the sphere half-complete he tried to get himself oriented correctly again, but no matter how much he waved his legs he just kept gradually rotating in the same direction. By the time Twilight's view happened to return to the scene at hand, Alpha was floating up-side-down and wiggling profusely. The ensuing laughter echoed from nearby buildings.
"Help?" Alpha asked in the meekest voice he could muster, stopping and staring at her with puppy-dog eyes and legs tucked under himself.
"Have you tried using the wall of the bubble to maneuver?" she asked.
"I ... I am afraid to touch it"
"What? Why?"
"What if it pops and I fall?"
'This is what I was afraid of? An over-grown baby more prone to hurting himself than anypony else?' Twilight thought to herself as she rolled her eyes despite her smile. She walked underneath the platform and looked up. "I'll catch you, okay?"
She did not plan on becoming a pony sandwich if he did fall, she fully intended to use her telekinesis if it became necessary, but she figured that standing there would be assuring enough to get him to try it. And, as usually was the case, she was right. Alpha reached out slowly and prodded the inside wall of the half-sphere. Immediately he stopped rotating and gentle rose to the top of the cup-shaped conjuration, splaying his legs out in all directions to wedge himself firmly still in the middle of it.
"What does it feel like?" Twilight asked; her ever-curious nature kicking in once more.
"It is like- well ... like ... I do not have words to describe this. Do you want to come up here and try it?"
"Omigosh yes!" Twilight did a short hop in excitement. She never thought she would be able to experience weightlessness in her lifetime. Not the kind of weightlessness that came with being levitated by another unicorn, or Alicorn Princess in her case. That was not even weightlessness, it was more like being hoisted around in a stretcher or something.
Alpha reached out to her with both front hooves over the edge of the half-sphere, his lower half still hovering parallel to the ground. Rearing up on her hind legs Twilight reached out and grabbed Alpha's hooves then used her back legs to thrust herself off the ground and into the bubble only to end up making a floating pony sandwich.
As it so happened, that was the precise moment that everyone's favorite pink pony stuck her head through the back door in search of her two missing guests. "Twilight! Alph-Oh!" she started to yell with her eyes closed at first, only to cut herself off when she opened them and found a weightless tangle of purple and black body parts and two sets of blazing crimson cheeks - one hidden under a jumpsuit mask.
Immediately the two started scrambling to untangle themselves, Twilight stammering unintelligible things as she did so.
"If you two were going to have a private party all along you could've just said so!" Pinkie said with a grin. "Don't worry, I'll cover for you in there," she thrust a hoof back toward the bakery and turned to head back inside but not before adding in a whisper, "Go Twilight!"
"No, wait! You don't understa-" Twilight began even as the door slammed shut. She groaned, absent-mindedly pushing a black-clothed appendage out of her face. "I give up," she mumbled in resignation.
"It seems I keep embarrassing you," mumbled Alpha, finally managing to completely separate himself by throwing his fore-legs back over the edges of the sphere, like one would in a tub or Jacuzzi.
Twilight sighed. "It's not your fault. Some ponies around here just can't keep their minds out of the gutter," she grumbled, copying Alpha.
"All the same ... here, let me make it up to you. Tuck yourself in, I'm going to try something," he said with a grin, pulling his forelegs back in from the edges as Twilight did the same with a very quizzical look on her face.
Alpha's shoes started to glow again as he concentrated and the bubble began to complete itself.
"Wait!" Twilight exclaimed, a hoof slamming against the inner wall with spate of panic. "What about air? Will we still be able to breathe?" she asked, realizing what was about to happen.
"Ummm ... I think so ... I mean I feel like I have done this before. I do not think I would have done it if I would suffocate," he said scratching the back of his neck. They both looked up at the frisby-sized hole above them for a moment. Twilight remember how he simply waved his hoof earlier to dispel the first bubble.
"If anything goes wrong you'll take it down right?" she asked.
"Of course- Twilight the last thing I would ever want is to bring harm to you!" he exclaimed with wide-eyed astonishment, as if she had just suggesting swallowing hot pokers. She blushed a little at his admission. It was the first time she had heard him express such great concern for her wellbeing. With a brisk nod they both watched as the hole closed up with a sucking sound. Then silence.
All in all it was a snug fit. There was just enough room for them to float without touching. Of course in practice, it was nearly impossible as the weightlessness tended to keep them bumping into each other. A few awkward moments later, however, they managed to orient themselves facing in the same direction, leaning against each other with a hoof or two pressed against the inner wall to keep them from floating off-center.
"So far so good," Twilight mumbled to herself, taking deliberately deep breaths. "What now Canta Nova-" looking down now she realized their entire ensemble had drifted a few feet above the top of the four-story building that was Sugarcube corner. With a high-pitched squeak she completely abandoned the stability they had worked so hard to achieve and threw her legs around Alpha, snapping her eyes shut.
"You are ... afraid." Alpha said, matter-of-factly. "Have you never flown before?" he asked, turning his head to look back at the young mare holding him from behind in a death grip.
"Y-yes, but at the time I had a nice solid basket to stand in," she said in a panicked voice, remembering her trip to Cloudsdale in the hot-air balloon, "or the occasional carriage from Canterlot."
"Hmmm. I know what'll make you feel better," he said to himself, feeling particularly confident for the first time. With a slight gesture the bubble hovered over the party-goers at the front of the bakery. Still too high to be seen, unless any of the ponies below happened to be admiring the sky that night. It could happen, if it were not Ponyville, and not a Pinkie Pie party. Alpha none-the-less spotted what he was looking for. A few gestures and a moment later Twilight felt something soft rub against her nose and she opened her eyes again only to realize her vision was partly obscured by the pink icing.
"Hey!" she half-laughed, half-exclaimed in mock agitation. Alpha looked back and realized what he had done. But instead of apologizing he lapped it up and grinned. Twilight reflexively rubbed at her tickled nose, managing to hide a slight blush at the same time. "I'm going to have to remember to ask Applejack to introduce you to her pet," she said, accepting the treat he held up while still holding on tightly with her other three legs.
"Ready?" he asked, still grinning.
"For what?" she asked around the bit of cupcake currently occupying her mouth.
Without another word, he fully stuffed his face with his own treat and got into a superman pose, pointing straight up. Twilight wondered what he was doing for a moment but then noticed out of the corner of her eye that the color and light were receding, along with the muffled thumping of the music. Looking down her eyes went wide as she saw the landscape getting smaller at a much faster pace than she had ever seen before.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves as they danced, talked, played and mingled. Spike was quickly becoming the main attraction as he really started to 'boogey' on the dance floor. Pinkie Pie was patting herself on the back for another successful soiree when her ears twitched as she picked up one conversation in particular.
"... by the way, has anyone seen either of them?" The voice was Rarity's. She was standing next to Fluttershy and Applejack, a cup of punch hovering near her face with the tell-tale faint blue glow.
Before any of the others could answer, Pinkie Pie appeared next to them. "I know, I know, oh-oh-oh, pick me, pick me!" she babbled, waving a leg in the air like a filly trying to get the teacher's attention in school.
"Well git on then, tell us," said Applejack.
Pinkie took about five straight seconds pulling in a massively deep breath, "I can't," she said simply and grinned. Applejack and Rarity groaned, rolling their eyes.
"Why not?" the farm pony asked dryly with a deadpanned face.
"I pinkie promised! Well, they didn't see when I did because I had already come back inside but it still counts even if the promisee doesn't see the promiser- wait, are those even real words? Who decides what words are real or not anyway! I mean really-" she was cut short by multiple loud groans.
"Okay, alright darling, we get it. But ... what about Rainbow Dash? Now that I think about it ... I have not seen her all day!" Rarity thought out loud. They all turned to look at Pinkie Pie, who just shrugged.
"I-unno," she mumbled, stuffing her face at a nearby table.
It was only a matter of seconds before they were above the low-hanging clouds and Alpha felt Twilight's grip tighten. They slowed and stopped just as fast as they had taken off.
Swallowing hard he downed the horribly under-chewed confection and took Twilight's fore-hooves in his own, gently coaxing them loose and pulling her around to face him. She had instead resorted to curling into a fetal position with her eyes closed.
"Twilight," he called gently.
"..."
"Twilight Sparkle," a little more firm.
"..." one purple eye cracked open just a bit and fixed its gaze on his. The strange material Rarity had used for the eye pieces of his jumpsuit made it easy to see his eyes in all their splendor, yet it would probably take a hammer to break. She noticed an unusually determined look in them and slowly opened both of hers, shifting them back and forth between his vermillion orbs.
He lightly rested his hooves on her shoulders before beginning, "I promise you, I will never let any harm befall you as long as I live. You saved this worthless life of mine-" she opened her mouth to protest but he quickly laid a hoof over it, and she closed it again, "I know what I promised before, and I will keep that one too, but I will never feel right about this unless you let me do this much as well ... please?"
Her eyes searched his, even as she slowly began to uncurl herself. "On one condition," she said softly.
"Name it!"
"Don't ever call your life worthless again!" she snapped, poking him in the chest.
He smiled warmly. "Has anyone ever told you how kind you are?"
She blushed, "Well technically Fluttershy is the element of kindness but, statistically speaking, I suppose there's a first time for everything," she babbled, evidently not used to compliments from young stallions. She held his hooves in hers, "But thank you."
"Are you ... is something wrong with your breathing?" he asked, pulling away to look at her in concern. While she had been talking Alpha kept hearing a wheezing sound.
"Ah HAH!" exclaimed a slightly winded Rainbow Dash, causing them both to 'jump', or whatever the equivalent of that would be while floating weightlessly. Apparently flying all the way up there on only wing-power was a little tiring, even for the staunch athlete.
"Dash?!" Twilight exclaimed in disbelief. "What-"
"I've found your secret at last Alpha Centauri! You're a big phony!" she proclaimed proudly. Alpha raised an eyebrow in a quizzical expression while Twilight frowned, quickly looking back and forth between them.
'Hold on a moment- did she find out something that incriminates Alpha in doctor Tintenflecks' case?' Twilight wondered worriedly.
"I do not know what-" Alpha began, only to be swiftly cut off as Rainbow Dash began a lengthy monologue.
"I've been following you around all day since yesterday and now, finally, I've caught you in the act! You just travelled three MILES in ten seconds flat! I KNEW it! There was just no way you could do that without magic! I'm still the fastest flier in all Equestria!" she finished as she began doing her little victory dance on the cloud she had alighted on with a silly grin on her face.
Twilight's eye was twitching. 'The entire day? That was unusually patient of Dash. But then, when she was determined Dash could do just about anything. Hold on a moment- again. Since yesterday?'
"Dash ... did you see Alpha go anywhere near the train station?" she asked.
"Hmmm," Dash stopped dancing and begun rubbing her chin, "Nope! Why?" Both she and Alpha looked at Twilight questioningly.
"Eh, no reason," Twilight responded, smiling sheepishly, "Three miles huh? That must've been a hard flight Dash," she quickly changed the subject.
"Bah, foal's play my dear egghead," she replied with a smug grin. "But now that you mention it, I almost gave up to go join the party before you guys took off. I've missed so much already, no way I'm sticking around up here with you two lovebirds when there's punch to spike!" she exclaimed, rubbing her hooves together mischievously and rearing up for the return flight. Twilight blushed deeply but did not attempt to say otherwise this time.
Instead, "Wait, Dash!" she called just before Rainbow Dash took off.
"Sup?"
"If ... if Spike falls asleep in the middle of the party again can you or one of the other girls take him home and tuck him in for me?" she asked.
"Sure Twi, gotcha covered- oh and Alpha, still a pretty cool trick," Dash said good-naturedly with a wink before disappearing in a colorful blur. They both watched as only a few seconds later the sky lit up with the aftermath of a sonic rainboom.
"Ooo, that is pretty," Alpha idly commented, face pressed up against the wall of the bubble.
"You never did see that before, huh? Someday I'll have to tell you the story about the first one she ever did," said Twilight, looking over Alpha's shoulder.
"Why not now?" he asked, lightly pushing away from the wall.
"Because right now, I really want to know ... just how high can we go?"
Alpha grinned. He had been wondering the exact same thing a moment ago, but had stopped for her sake. Now, realizing that she had gotten over her fear, it was like the training wheels had been removed. "We will soon find out," he said in a determined voice, reaching a hoof out for hers. She took it with a smile as the bubble began to rise again, the two ponies in it looking up at the stars, side by side.
After only a moment Alpha's hooves were glowing fiercely and Twilight realized that there was a streaking yellow trail behind them when she looked down. It was hard to tell how high up they were or even how fast they were going. The ground beneath them was so far away at that point that its slow recession could have been hundreds of miles per hour, maybe thousands! The only thing Twilight could be sure of was that it was the highest and fastest she had ever been. And the view! Both below, and above ... it was breathtaking to say the least. She could see both Ponyville and Canterlot simply by turning her head - and if she looked really hard she was pretty sure she could see a few lights at Appaloosa far in the distance. Above them the stars were so clearly visible now that she was starting to regret not bringing one of her (many) telescopes along. 'Well ... there would always be next time,' she thought, looking over at Alpha.
"Has anyone ever told you how amazing this is?" she asked with a giddy smile. When he looked back at her, despite his smile, she noticed with a start that he looked a little different. His mane seemed a bit more lack-luster, and hung a little straighter. He also seemed to be breathing harder and the only exposed part of his body, his muzzle, seemed a bit paler than usual (says a lot when you are covered in a white coat). And it might have been her imagination but she could swear the glow around his hooves was getting fainter. "Alpha stop."
"Huh? But we just got started," he replied between breaths. Twilight squinted as she took a closer look at him. She was pretty sure these were the signs of exhaustion she had read about - well except for his mane ... that was just strange. She thought a moment before replying, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
Looking up again she said, "This is fine, look," she reached up a hoof to point at the sky as they slowed to a halt. And he did. It was really something. No clouds to obstruct their view, the moonlight clear and bright. No lights, no sounds, no interruptions; it was an astronomers wet dream. But Twilight being Twilight was positively quivering with excitement. "Besides," she continued, "if you spend all night flying this thing we'll never get a chance to really enjoy the moment."
"It is pretty amazing," he agreed slowly catching his breath. "I can see way more stars from up here - look at all those tiny ones over there," he added, motioning. "Maybe if I practice enough I can bring all of your friends up here too, we could have a stargazing ... party. Is that a thing? Do ponies around here do that?"
Twilight smiled as she reminisced briefly, "I did something like that with my friends recently. We had a moonlit picnic and watched some meteor showers. But you know ... just being up here with the two of us ..." she blushed, "You just might bring out my selfish side."
Alpha looked at her in shock. "You have a selfish side?" he asked with wide eyes. Twilight giggled.
"Hard to believe I know," she said in mock gloating. They smile at each other then looked back up. The conversation continued for a while. They talked about all kinds of things, mostly things related to Twilight since Alpha could not remember much about himself. Her studies, her interests, her friends. Soon the conversation turned in the direction of Alpha's plans for the future and suddenly an awkward silence descended upon them.
"What did Miss Dash mean earlier?" Alpha broke it.
"Huh?"
"What are ... love birds?"
Twilight's blush deepened and she chose to deflect this question instead, "The Lovebird is a species of parrot indigenous to the distant south-eastern reaches of Equestria. It was given that name for its strong, monogamous pair bonding and the long periods which paired birds spend sitting together," she read from her mental encyclopedia.
"Monoga-wha ... but we do not spend long periods sitting together ... I do not understand," he said as his face contorted in the obvious confusion. Twilight looked away, trying to find another topic of conversation. Before she could say anything however, Alpha asked another question, "What is ... love? I have heard this word many times so far but I do not really understand it."
"W-w-well t-that's because," she began with a heavy stutter, "I mean there is l-love for things, l-like food, one could say you love food - a lot. Then there's ..." Alpha could tell she was nervous, about what he had no clue, but he chose not to interrupt, "Well love is when a pony likes something- or somepony else, very very much," she finished with a nod. 'Phew, crisis averted,' she thought to herself. But it was short-lived.
"So ... what Miss Dash meant earlier was ... we like each other as much as I like cupcakes?" Alpha probed further.
"Yes, that's exactly-" Twilight felt bad, she did not want to lie to him, "... No."
"Well now I am really confused. Is it even possible to like something more than cupcakes?"
Twilight giggled. There was something charming about his brutally honest naïveté. Feeling a little more relaxed now she tried to explain, "Maybe not something but ... when it comes to somepony else, well ... it's like ... imagine that ..." for the second time in her life Twilight found it difficult to explain something. The first was the 'Pinkie Sense'. This was ... harder it seemed. "It's ... difficult to explain in words," she said looking off to one side. Her eyes widened a bit when she felt Alpha's hoof on her shoulder.
"If anyone can do it, I know it is you," he said with a smile when she looked back up at him, "How about ... can you show me?" he remembered how the doctor had demonstrated magic to him, but had not completely thought through what he had just asked.
Twilight's whole face turned beet red and her eyes widened with tiny points for pupils. Her mouth felt dry all of a sudden and her forelegs hung limp by her sides. This was completely new territory for her. A problem with no formula to study. An experiment with no well-established guidelines. It was all touch and go from here on and she was feeling the metaphorical butterflies like they were a veritable plague in her stomach. It did not help even a little that Alpha was staring deeply into her eyes at that moment.
'C'mon Twilight Sparkle, it's just another subject to study, you've seen it before in others. Princess Cadance and big brother made it all look so easy though ... after all the princess,' cutie mark was all about this. What chance does a simple magic student like me have? No! I must do this - for science!'
For the life of him Alpha could not figure out what was going through the lavender mare's mind. The mix of emotion playing across her face right then was endlessly confusing to him. He began to wonder if all ponies were this elusive or if it was only Twilight.
"Oookaaayyy well ... y-you asked for it ..." she smiled nervously, slowly lifting the mask of his jumpsuit over his head and gently wrapping her legs around his neck, "Here goes," her voice was almost inaudible as she closed her eyes and her face drew ever closer to his. At this point the only thing that kept Twilight from freezing up completely was the burning curiosity, and somewhere beneath that, a desire that she did not yet even realize was there. For Alpha, it was just the curiosity keeping him from pulling away from this new level of closeness that he was not quite sure he was comfortable with ... that is, up until their lips connected.
Neither of them heard the short hiss as the bubble winked out of existence.
A/N: Okay kiddies, play time's over. The story from here on will get into the serious stuff! No more 'slice-of-life' boredom (ten chapters ... it's about as much as I could take), now it's time for the action. There's gonna be- well ... let's just say I'll really be pushing the limit on that 'T' rating. Stay tuned!
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Huh ... the asterisks ... interesting, I'll give that a go.
Weird, I always thought I was putting in too many commas, I'll have to take a look at that too.
Yeah I was constantly trying to decide if I should take out, or leave in the singing. I had a hunch that it might be the cause of half the viewers over on fanfiction.net (where I first started) not getting past chapter one
Thanks for the tips, first bit of constructive criticism I've gotten. I am very appreciative
What's this? A stallion lands in Equestria without prior knowledge of who he is? I smell another Gary Stu cooking on the stove. Let's take a look shall we?
Purple Prose! Take it away! Oh fuck, this is not going to be pretty. Do me a favour, pull up a chair and let's talk about this. And it really pains me to do this because you seem to have something in your writing that is worth holding on to but the purple prose needs to go. It's simply extraneous and takes away from the story itself. The opening sentence alone shows that this is going to be a chore:
And it's not just the purple prose but the descriptions themselves. "the most amazing shade of vermillion eyes"? Is there a reason you couldn't say "orange"? And then it still doesn't work. You need to rework this sentence "His eyes, a most amazing shade of vermillion, slowly crept open..." this is not perfect mind you, but the placement of all the descriptors just doesn't work in your case. As for the rest of the sentence it's again a little too much. You're overdoing it in an attempt to possibly sound grandiose or you feel this gives some majesty to your work. If anything it impresses people that don't read. You need to tone it down.
So we also find out he's an alicorn. I guess that's where the stench of the Gary Stu was coming from. There are two alicorns in MLP, they are supposed to be unique. Princess Cadance was originally supposed to be a unicorn but Hasbro changed this to an alicorn. Never include an alicorn in your story. They're a living Deus ex Machina. They're overpowered and overused. You're going to get a lot of hate for using one.
Wut? Seriously, what just happened? Did he burst through the sun? Is his bubble magical? Is it made of hydrogen, helium and methane? Can I get a translator down here?
This needs some cleaning up. I'm not going to bother to read the rest of this which is a shame because you seem to be a good writer, or at least to my untrained eyes you are. But you need to work on your prose and your descriptions.
The characters seem to be pretty much in character. I would remind you that it's Applejack and not Apple Jack, but the rest seems okay.
The structure is good, you seem to be following the rules of style and format well. I couldn't really notice any errors but then I was hung up on the purple prose.
Seriously, if anything is going to kill your story it's going to be that.
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1
>Evil Homer - TWE's Tactical Tactless Nuke
1535427
Damn, if I'd known I would get this much constructive criticism over here I'd have come a long time ago!
I guess when I finally finish off chapter 11 I'll give the first ten a rework in light of this new information
Thanks for your time!
1535493 I haven't read the story, but damn... 50,000 words a good 5000 words average per chapter, and judging by the stuff homer put up, you put alot of work and description into this (thought maybe a bit to much). Kinda sad you've put so much work into it and get this many downvotes, just the fact that you put so much devotion into it and stuff deserves an upvote in my opinion.
1535594
I guess Evil Homer is right about the Alicorn thing
I hate dropping spoilers but maybe I should put something in the description or first Author's Note about that ...
A few chapters later it becomes apparent that my OC is actually quite sad in comparison to Celestia and Luna
But I accept that there will be those who do not like the direction this story will take.
I'm not trying to win a popularity contest, but I have had positive feedback from some readers on fanfiction.net, as well as friends, and I figured I'd at least make it available to those who are interested :)
1535690
I've got to give you points, unlike many authors who receive criticism. You're taking this quite maturely, keep it up and keep trying to improve and you might have a good future in FimFiction.
TWE's Scribblestick here to discover the source of all these downthumbs!
Actually, I think Evil Homer already did it. Once I got past the confusing descriptions, I didn't notice too much to complain about. I kind of enjoy your OC's carefree, quirky attitude. Granted, it's hard to get to that through the language, so I didn't get any further than the first chapter.
When you get down to it, I think this story has some promise. I wish I could say more, but I really can't right now.
Best of luck!
~Scribblestick, TWE's notoriously friendly moderator
1535690
As a specific note, tying in with something Evil Homer said, there are 2 (or 3, depending on if you count Cadence) alicorns in the show. Even if your character ISN'T on that power level, giving them both wings and a horn breaks canon badly, which annoys fans of the show (which is most of us) So unless you've got a SPECIFIC reason for such, I'd recommend swapping the alicorn for one of the more conventional pony types. There are people who will downvote JUST for having an OC alicorn in your story.
Now, if you wanted to have your main character more clearly out of the ordinary without inciting rage, you could make him a griffin...
1535988
1536147
Thanks!
1536191
Very specific, I assure you
However I'm afraid the reason might annoy fans just as much.
Nonetheless, I have the grand design already laid out in my head and intend to continue with it.
If I had to give a figure, I'd say the entire thing might pan out to be half a million words or so when I finally finish it
1535493
Hey no problem, as I said you appear to be a decent writer with a firm grasp of structure and storytelling. I'm just pointing things out that need to be tightened up a bit.
Now, as for the alicorn, I'm not going to tell you not to write about it as you have this idea in your mind. Just do me a favour. Make him flawed. Make him a lot less powerful than Celestia or Luna and give a reason for him to be an alicorn. If you do that, people might be more willing to change those thumbs down to thumbs up.
Good luck.
1535493
I noticed that you said you came from fanfiction.net. They're not exactly known for giving constructive criticism over there. Tends to be a lot of yes men and not much else. Anyhow, it's wonderful to see an author so happy to receive constructive criticism.
Good luck and happy writing.
Oh, and to reiterate what 1535347 said, never use the asterisks to describe an action that is done by the character. Always write it out in a full sentence(s).
But yeah, good luck on fixing up your story.
Cheers, pal
Csquared08, TWE Co-Founder
1536377
Flaws already presented in written chapters and shall be elaborated on later, the reason is heavily hinted at as well, I encourage you to read on :)
1536434
Thanks!
1536303
Grand design? Okay, now I'm interested... but I'll give you some time to edit out the purple prose, before I dive in.
As a suggestion, could you re-write things to hide the character's alicorn nature for a while? Establish the character with your readers BEFORE making that dramatic reveal. You clearly can put in the effort to develop a character, and establishing that before developing what they can do is more likely to get your readers to react reasonably.
1537624
Hmmm, yes I suppose there is little point including it in the description at the beginning.
Unfortunately it comes up again, unavoidably I'm afraid, pretty soon after that (chapter three) without any real character development.
But still, I see the merit in it and will make that change along with the many many others I have on my checklist.
By the way, do changes to chapters previously, marked as 'read', produce notifications when edited, or will it be prudent to post a comment when I'm done?
1536147 I am SO happy your title stuck:
"TWE's notoriously friendly moderator"
PS: That was the first emoticon I have used in a month; spend it well.
1538284
I was thinking more along the lines of a magic disguise, either his own idea or someone else's, like in Moonbeam, a story I recommend reading on its own merits.
As for the chapter edits, if you edit the chapter (and click the save button above the text box) it updates the date the chapter was last edited, with no extra notification.
SO HERE'S WHAT I'M-A GONNA DO!
I'm going to add this story to my favorites list, and mark all the chapters as read. Then when you finish your edits, make a blog post saying that you have done so. Under the text box there's a check box so that I, and other people who are following this story, will be notified about the post.
I'm also going to give you a thumbs up for how you're handling all this.
Best of luck!
1538829
A blog post huh? Another shiny new feature that I have to try out.
I can't see how I would get the disguise thing to fit with the current narrative.
So far the possibilities I am thinking up involve more than just minor changes, but I will consider all options as I start to rework the chapters.
Still, thank you for this kind gesture.
And thanks to everyone that took the time to point me in the right direction.
Oh, one last thing ... are those Shakespeare references in chapter titles really that bad?
I honestly didn't put a tonne of thought into them.
1539006
Go to the toolbar at the top of the page, under the big banner, and mouseover the button with your name. One of the options in the dropdown that appears is 'blog' and clicking on it will take you to the page where you can manage your blog posts.
And the Shakespeare references aren't a bad thing, I might leave them in. NobodyPro was just wondering 'with all this promising stuff, why so many down votes?'
1539046
Ah, I misunderstood his post
Right-O, expect a blog in the next few days