:Kenta Silvercast:
“I don’t get it,” Chaotic muttered.
The unicorn was pacing back and forth across the lawn. Clearly, the letter of notification unnerved the usually cheerful stallion. Kenta could understand that. Many unicorns like him were itching to be hoof picked by Prince Maelstrom himself. To be in the next generation of Magistrum’s proud legion of Vanguards was a great honor. Many unicorns in the country had a proud legacy in that line of work. Chaotic’s father for one had fought for the country, and his father before him. Right now it was the little bundle of chaos’ turn to uphold that tradition, but the tests were extremely difficult from what Kenta heard.
The tests involved were randomized each year. It could be a series of challenging obstacles for one year, and a huge battle royale with the peers in the next. That was of course, for those who were looking to be Vanguards though. Kenta was obviously not picked to be a part of this year’s batch of soldiers. Surely, the letter would have mentioned something about him being picked for combat training. Still, Kenta could see the green fire in his best friend’s eyes. Chaotic was, with no doubt, extremely jealous.
“I don’t either,” Kenta agreed. “Why would I be chosen for a student of magic? I’m a pegasus, with a pair of wings no doubt.”
Chaotic stopped pacing for a while and regained a bit of his composure. “I don’t know. Did it say anything about being in the Royal Guard?”
Kenta could see his eyes praying for him to say no. “No.”
The burning light in the unicorn’s eyes dimmed. He let out a sigh of relief and plopped down on the grass next to Kenta.
“Wow,” he chuckled. “I almost got a little dramatic there. Not that I am of course,” he quickly added.
Kenta smiled a bit. “You were going to be angry if I was chosen to be in the Shieldium huh?”
Chaotic sheepishly smiled. “You sure know me well huh? I guess I would be a little envious. I mean, the situation is already awkward, but either way I wouldn’t hold a grudge against you.” He tapped his chin little as he got into a pondering look. “Although, I can't wrap my head around this. Why would a school of magic be inducting you into a school for unicorns. Didn't they get the memo about you being a pegasus?”
Kenta shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Guys!” Lily interrupted. “This is serious! There is definitely something up. This is obviously the first time a pegasus has been accepted into Magistrate Academy.” She shot Kenta an accusing look, striped with concern. “Is there something you’re not telling us? You’ve been looking very worried for the past few hours.”
“Huh? What are you talking about Lils?” Chaotic called her by her pet name.
“You don’t get it,” Lily questioned him. “He’d locked himself inside his house for the entire morning on a work day. You’re normally very dedicated to your work, Kenta.” She replaced the rest of her accusing features with more concern. “If something is really wrong, you should tell us.”
Kenta sweated a ton of beads. He tried to shake off the question by shaking his head a little. “Nope, nothing’s wrong Lily!”
“Are you sure?” Lily worried.
“Yes! Everything is fine!” Kenta assured as he looked the other way to avoid her gaze.
Kenta felt magic surround him as Chaotic quickly turned his head towards her. He made sure to adjust the angle so that Kenta’s eyes had nowhere to look except her deep sea-green eyes. She looked like she was truly worried for his very wellbeing. He could feel her putting all her effort and energy into pleading the truth out of him. This kept on until Kenta gave up.
“Alright! I’ll tell you!” he resigned.
Lily smiled softly, and Chaotic gave him a nod of approval.
Kenta rubbed the back of his neck as he released him from his magic.
“Jeez. You could of went a bit easier on my neck,” he complained.
“Sorry,” Chaotic apologized.
Kenta took a deep breath as he recounted his dreadful morning. He talked about how he received a letter earlier today. How it busted from a burst of blue fire above his bed. He told about his father’s disappearance, the secret assignment he was on, and how anxious he felt. All the way up until the moment his friends arrived on the scene. When he was done, Chaotic was looking very grave while Lily was trying to hold back her tears. She failed in the end. Lily suddenly grabbed Kenta, and held him close to her chest. His face grew red as he could feel her heart beating fast with each passing second
“I’m sorry that this had to happen,” she wept. “Your dad was awesome.”
“Oh come on Lily,” Kenta said, acting like he wasn't all downed by his dad's disapperence. He didn’t like it when Lily cried. “It wasn’t like it was your fault or anything.”
“I know, but still!”
She let go of Kenta, allowing him some breath space. He backed away to see her face. He was shocked when he was greeted with a torrent of water running down from her eyes. Normally, Lily was a very strong mare. She didn’t show any tears in all the years he had known her. The earth pony wasn’t as physically strong like Chaotic or Kenta, but she was mentally powerful when bullies picked on them. She didn’t back down from any of their nasty jeers and insults. No matter what they said, she pulled on through with her own strong words until they left the three alone. It was one of the very reasons she was very popular in school back then. Everypony admired her strength. Even the bullies respected her. Now they were in their twenties and all grown up. Yet right now, she was shedding rivers of tears for his sake. She sniffed a little as she wiped the fresh tears from her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I got a bit too emotional.”
Kenta couldn’t form a proper response. He felt like he should say something comforting to her. Instead he asked what was a stupid question.
“Why do you care so much? It’s not like your dad was the one that disappeared.” He then regreted asking.
However, she didn't seemed to be bothered by it.
Lily looked at him with great sorrow. “I know, that’s why I can’t imagine how much pain you must be going through. I mean you lost your mom already, and now your dad is missing!”
The back of his mind winced as she brought up the touchy subject.
She was now drawing circles in the ground, looking what seemed to be shy for the first time. “I-I mean, you weren’t crying. You’re holding back all that sadness. That’s why I thought it was good to cry for you.” She stared at him in the eyes with great anxiety. “I can’t imagine how painful it must be for you.”
The pegasus blinked at this surprising news. He could feel the salty tears coming up again from the corners of his eyes. Lily noticed this and gently wiped the drop away.
“Please,” she chided. “Let it all out. I don’t want to see you holding back your emotions. It’s not healthy.”
Lily allowed Kenta to rest his head upon her shoulder. He silently sobbed as his mind distressed on where his father could possibly be. He couldn’t believe how many tears he held back this entire time. It felt like he was dripping waterfalls of unhappiness. Yet at the same time, it felt heart warming as well, knowing he was next to her.
Chaotic watched the entire scene unfold. He was getting a tad bit uncomfortable, so he decided to read the letter. Looking over the pamphlet, he confirmed that it was indeed from the Magistrate Academy. It had the official stamp and everything that looked legit. The Marilyn Maneroe signature seemed a bit questionable, after all the identity of the Arch Mage and his Advisor was all but rumors. Marilyn Maneroe being the Arch Mage’s assistant seemed too far fetch. She was a well known celebrity for Typhon’s sake! Sure she was a unicorn and was also retired, but would the occupation of the Advisor be the appropriate choice to spend the rest of her life in?
The chaotic unicorn shrugged this idea off. He’ll find out sooner or later. Prince Maelstrom announced a few weeks back that the Arch Mage and his Advisor would reveal themselves by the start of the Academy semester. That just so happened to be next week on Monday. His exam was two days from now on Saturday so...
Chaotic drifted the letter and a quill next to Kenta. When the pegaus was finished releasing his tears, he looked over and was surprised at the two items floating. Chaotic gave him a very serious stare.
“If we have any chances of finding your father, you should accept the invitation,” Chaotic reasoned. “If anypony had any clue about your dad’s whereabouts, it’s the guys up at the academy.”
Kenta sniffed a bit. “We?”
Chaotic sincerely smiled. He had a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Yeah. We. I mean you aren’t going to leave me hanging are you?”
For what seemed to be the first time today, Kenta felt like giving a real grin. He offered a hoof for a rough hoofshake. Chaotic took it with glee, and they both held a tight grip on each other’s hoof.
“You better have my back, Chaotic,” Kenta smirked.
“Back at you.”
Lily smiled a bit as Kenta circled YES on the paper. The letter burst into bright blue flames. The glittering smoke trailed towards the mountains, where the academy resided. Lily sniffed and hugged him again. Kenta felt his face grow warm and red as her warm hug enveloped him. He could feel her heartbeat again as she tightened her embrace.
“Be sure to write back,” she said with approval in her tone. “I want to know everything of what you two are up to.”
Kenta, already feeling closer to her than ever before, returned the favor with a quick squeeze of his own.
“Don’t worry,” he assured. “We won’t forget.”
Lily smirked a little at him as she released Kenta from her hold. “You better not. You two are leaving a girl all alone in a small town. It’ll sure be boring without the two of you around.”
“But what if we were in the middle of some crisis?” Chaotic teased.
Lily gave him a playful glare. He shrank back a little with a little white flag of surrender, submitting to her long gaze. Lily then smiled, and turned her attention back to Kenta.
“We should help you pack up for anything you’ll need.” She brought out another sandwich. “But first let’s finish lunch. I’m hungry.”
After a few bites, the three quickly headed off to Kenta’s house. They went around the room, gathering anything that could be of any use to Kenta while he was there. His dad’s old spell books, extra scarves, a top hat and tie for those special occasions, soap, anything that a dorm student may carry. They stuffed it all in a saddlebag meant for traveling. After freshening up a bit, they went out the doors and looked to the skies.
A tiny dot was forming in the white clouds. Kenta squinted a little for a better look. He could actually see it was a chariot flown by a pair of Royal Guard pegasi. Their signature golden armor was very distinguishable in the blue air. Their armors' surface sparkled in the atmosphere, giving off the same amount of glow as Celestia’s sun did. He shouldn’t be surprised. He heard that Equestria’s ruler, the leader of the Magistrate’s sister country, designed it herself.
The chariot swooped down to land, causing a cloud of dust to billow around the chariot. The ponies around the vicinity peered over their shoulders to see what was going on. Some of the more curious foals got up closer for a better look, only to have their parents hold them back. The two fliers spread their wings and started flapping. As the dust cleared up from the Royal Guard’s wings, Kenta got a good view of the passenger.
He certainly got his breath taken away. The rider inside was, in small terms, beautiful. Her dark mane flowed down her sides like a stream of water, which complemented her lavender coat. The inner depths of her bright, red eyes seemed to captivate his own. He felt like he should bow down to her like the royalty she seemed to be. He closed his eyes and shook his head to rid the confusing thoughts in his mind. As he pushed the thoughts away, he opened his eyes again to see the beautiful mare step down from the chariot.
What he saw next caught him off guard. Her hooves were actually in the form of very sharp, draconic claws. They were polished quite enough to look like beautiful pearls. Her left limb had a bunch of dark and sinister tattoos inscribed upon them. They seemed to shift around as she walked. She also donned a pair of great, leathery wings. They were the same shade of color as her fur coat. What seemed to be the finisher was her sleek tail. It wasn’t a regular tail of a pony; it was one of a dragon. The purple, scaly extension had a line of pink, feathery mane on top, lining down from the base to the very tip.
Kenta read about her kind before, but he thought they were just a silly myth. However, it seemed life had slapped him in the face with living proof. Proof that was standing right before him. She was a kirin: a dragon pony! She spread her vicious wings far apart, making her look larger than the she appeared to be. A majestic enterance. She gave them an open smile, showing off her carnivorous teeth.
“Hello Kenta. My name is Tina, and I’ll be your escort to Magistrate Academy.”
Is that supposed to be something more like "rest his head"?
1681235 done and done
Wow! Can't wait to see what happens next!
"He couldn’t believe how much tears he held back this entire time."
Is 'much' supposed to be 'many'?
1682741 Huh, it sounds better. thanks!
Woo!! Update!! :D Can't wait to see more CN!!
Beautifully written.
1704309 Thanks! That really means a lot!
i.imgur.com/WBabo.png : Oh my muffins... This is really good!
1727770
Thanks! I can't believe you actually read it!
Hmm I like the premise and the story but there's something slightly off... I think it might be that so far you are relying on telling us the action to much instead of describing it and letting our imaginations craft the scene you wanted portrayed. For example " Lily allowed Kenta to rest his head upon her shoulder. He silently sobbed as his mind distressed on where his father could possibly be" is way to explainy in my opinion. You could have instead just rephrased it to something like "Slowly his facad shattered, no longer restrained Kenta's emotions ran wild. He knew nothing but pain and suffering, fear and sorrow for his father, his head droped with his spirits onto the waiting sholder of Lily." (Bye This is probably a horrible attempt at showing what I'm trying to get across) However the only thing I had a problem with could actually be a huge plus if redirected to disc ribbing instead of explaining as your descriptions are AMAZING. I really like this story and hope to see it go far! (Btw if I said anything in a cruel way or like I was putting you down I'm extremely sorry, I'm no where near the writer you are and I just want to make sure you understand that I think your an extremely talented author and wish you and your stories the best of luck
-Ace
You're being too modest here. You seem to have a flair for writing. (Could work on your spelling thought). Now I'm starting to wonder why you don't have fan fics of your own.
Anyway, you're not being cruel or any of the sorts. Comments like these are really helpful to me. Especially the ones that caught any grammar mistakes.
1730103 thank you for the kind words! I'm glad I could help in any way I could, as for the spelling... Lets just say Dyslexia sucks. I might have to try my hand at writing now I've just always thought I sucked so I never even bothered. Oh and I'm glad I didn't offend last time I made a comment similar to that the author flipped on me for challenging his "vision" and that I was trying to force my "mediocre style of writing on to his story"
1741243
Wow, that guy must have serious god-issues.
By that, I mean that he's too self-centered.
You should always listen to what the commenters/readers/subscribers have to say. They're the ones with the feedback, not yourself (i.e. authors and youtubers, etc.)
1772093
Thanks!
1772164
profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/162041_349814351724884_959795000_n.jpg
1772596
... Continue.
1785917
Tell that to him.
Great story, and the dragon pony idea seems really cool!
deviantart.com/download/309167076/this_pleases_fluttershy__by_rainbowdash0222-d542iuc.jpg
If your other stories are even half as good as these two chapters, I'm gonna have a lot of reading to do Keep up the great work! And if you ever want somepony to take look over your work to try and catch those sneaky grammar errors, I'd be more than happy to help Unless you already got somepony for that lol
Waiting patiently for the next chapter.
1954257
The human-like names are a culture difference in Magistrum.
And yes, you're write about the narrative. My writing style back then was completely different from now, and I used less dialogue. I'm changing that up a bit with the reimagining of the story (this one).
(In case you didn't read the author notes in the description, this fan fic didn't start as a MLP fan fic. Also, it started a few years ago.)
How is this still so horribly underrated? Have you tried submitting it to authors helping authors?
1957276
No. Is that a group?
If so, could you do that for me?
I gtg sleep.
1957291 Yes, and I'm a member. The group works like this: you submit your story, do a review of someone else's story, and they have to review yours later. You get a (read: subjective) grammar score and a brief list of the biggest pros and cons, among other things. See below for a review of the story and links to two review groups.
This mini-review is brought to you by: Indie Authors Unite - We Will Help Everyone!!! and Authors Helping Authors (although it isn't a full review by the second group's standards.)
The grammar is very nice, with just a few hiccups here and there. It is a nice story so far with what looks to be an original plotline, taking place in a neighboring country to Equestria. The idea of a pegasus performing magic without alicornation is a fairly rare concept, so props for that. Also, the self-insert isn't overbearing. I eagerly await the next chapter.
If you want a more detailed review, please join one of the groups that supplied this review, and (in the case of Indie Authors Unite - We Will Help Everyone!!!) specify what kind of review you would like (we base reviews off of specific things, like plot, grammar and spelling, continuity, and characterization. If there is some other thing that you want reviewing on, you may state that instead. If you feel the need to, you can list multiple topics and have multiple reviews, but we would like if you just sticked to one).
1961586
Cool.
Do I need to review one of your stories now?
Well, if you're in either of the groups, then it would be appreciated. Otherwise, you don't have to, since you may be a little busy catching up on a certain series
1592945
You keep saying to read this in your blog. Do you ever plan to update?
2044424
Yeah, this is the next story update I'm currently working on.
2044435
Ok, because I've read it all right now. Must have more.
2044637
I'm currently going through a phase of post pony pictures in my latest blog.
2044646
You need to set up a work schedule.
2044797
I kinda do!
My cell phone has an alarm app.
2044825Don't make me get LessonZero!Twilight and sick her on you! She will make sure you stick to a schedule alright.
2053462
Eek!
2053810 Don't worry, she's partially tamed. I had some ADAM with code WYK in it. It kindly makes for some easy control.
But seriously, with Ponky gone for two years, we need more Blowing Through the Pages.