Now, I am not the type of pony who hates clopfics, or even this premise for a clopfic.(Would not be here if I hated the idea, see no reason to hate on someones work just because I dislike the premise) And I am going to track and follow this but I still wish to leave some honest feedback and review.(I know how nice it is to get all tohse 'five stars and epic!' type comments, but they don't really help you along as a writer, so some honest and fairly graded feedback is hopefully accepted)
I would make the parts longer, they don't have to be super long and of course should never drag but this one felt dragged. If you are going to do clop(most of all rape clop) you really should be mentioning some more emotions and descriptions, never make it feel like it is being rushed. (Only time when clop can be rushed is if you are uncomfortable writing it, which in this case would make no sense as there is no 'story' persay)
So yea, make the overall story a bit longer, put in more descriptions and details and do not rush it. This could actully be a quite a good tale based on how far you plan to go with it and how much work you are ready to put into it outside of the clop scenes. And if you only want to write basic clop, then at least give more details to the clop scenes themself
I would also advice you to read it over once more, MOST of all if you are going to continue to write such short chapters. I know how much of a pain it is for an author to read their own writing, but it does not take you very long to read 2k words and you should at very least be able to find most basic and obvious mistakes. (Such as misplaced space, saw a number of those in there)
The way it is writen at the moment I would personaly give it a 2.5 or 3 because it is not anything horrible like some of the stuff on here but high ratings should be left for the outstanding stuff, if you give everything a 5 or 4 then those stories that are trully outstanding will not get due credit. HOWEVER, as this is still very early I am not going to rate it at the time being and I might give it a higher rating later based on how you get better as a writer.
There, that is my review and thoughts, hope you don't feel like i wasted your time.
I haven't read yet, and will give a proper review when I have, but did you get inspiration for this fic from Salo:120 Days of Sodom? The plot sounds similar to it.
That was actually much appreciated! I will try my best to improve this. I do apologize for not re-reading, as I wrote this at 12 o'clock midnight and probobly wasn't thinking entirely straight. Nonetheless, I thank you for your feedback!
Midnight suddenly wondered if he could still be a good pony through all of this. I mean, he didn't have to do what he was about to do. Maybe he could be a better stallion then that. Maybe he could make some friends? Midnight shook his head. No, he was going to go through with this. He was going to go out with a bang.
I see he already doubts his plan. I hope he will end up trying to make friends... INSTEAD OF HARASSING THEM
It was a quiet room, a large bed to the front, a closet to the right, and a shelf to the left. On the floor was a heavy rug. Pinkie had just walked in and was facing the bed, her flank on display to Midnight. He felt a flush of heat leave his head and down to his groin. This was it. Without thinking twice, and without letting the smiling mare before him react, Midnight leaped through the air and landed on top of Pinkie.
OK YOU KNOW WHAT I ABANDON THIS STORY *SCREEEEEEEEEE*T
five star and track
Also I reckon AJ will kick his when he tries anything
Lol, " I'm tired of being a guard so I'll rape mane six"?
seems legit.
94559
When I left my previous work I've done exactly the same!
Now, I am not the type of pony who hates clopfics, or even this premise for a clopfic.(Would not be here if I hated the idea, see no reason to hate on someones work just because I dislike the premise)
And I am going to track and follow this but I still wish to leave some honest feedback and review.(I know how nice it is to get all tohse 'five stars and epic!' type comments, but they don't really help you along as a writer, so some honest and fairly graded feedback is hopefully accepted)
I would make the parts longer, they don't have to be super long and of course should never drag but this one felt dragged. If you are going to do clop(most of all rape clop) you really should be mentioning some more emotions and descriptions, never make it feel like it is being rushed.
(Only time when clop can be rushed is if you are uncomfortable writing it, which in this case would make no sense as there is no 'story' persay)
So yea, make the overall story a bit longer, put in more descriptions and details and do not rush it. This could actully be a quite a good tale based on how far you plan to go with it and how much work you are ready to put into it outside of the clop scenes. And if you only want to write basic clop, then at least give more details to the clop scenes themself
I would also advice you to read it over once more, MOST of all if you are going to continue to write such short chapters. I know how much of a pain it is for an author to read their own writing, but it does not take you very long to read 2k words and you should at very least be able to find most basic and obvious mistakes. (Such as misplaced space, saw a number of those in there)
The way it is writen at the moment I would personaly give it a 2.5 or 3 because it is not anything horrible like some of the stuff on here but high ratings should be left for the outstanding stuff, if you give everything a 5 or 4 then those stories that are trully outstanding will not get due credit. HOWEVER, as this is still very early I am not going to rate it at the time being and I might give it a higher rating later based on how you get better as a writer.
There, that is my review and thoughts, hope you don't feel like i wasted your time.
I thought this was going to be funny, but that's just awful man.
this is going to to be something. won't rate yet but i will track and see where this goes
umad? this is gonna get tracked and a few stars
I don't think her pinkie sense has particular alert for this. This seems interesting. I shall track.
I haven't read yet, and will give a proper review when I have, but did you get inspiration for this fic from Salo:120 Days of Sodom? The plot sounds similar to it.
Interesting...
Moustache Spike says track so I shall.
Don't want to sound giddy but I'm interested to see the ending. And I hope 'he' dies.
94579
That was actually much appreciated! I will try my best to improve this. I do apologize for not re-reading, as I wrote this at 12 o'clock midnight and probobly wasn't thinking entirely straight. Nonetheless, I thank you for your feedback!
94686
Let's just say that karma will come where karma is due
If I may, can you improve your diction and leave out words like vagina and ass?
i know that is what they're called, it's just weird reading them in reference to Ponies.
94560 That's good to know.
Why don't you have a seat over there?
I wonder what the Equestrian penalty for rape is? Non-Molestia rape, anyway.
Wow.Not much into clopfics,but your writing is good.
Also,woah.Poor Pinkie.
94585
I know that feel...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnl1gsNlQj1qfhs3n.gif
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yes
poor pinkie pie
i55.tinypic.com/2iqentg.jpg
And here I thought it was gonna be a comedy.
Okay
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5657092608/h98C6A5DC/
Ohhhh Kay... So that is the first MLP rape fiction I've read...
I see he already doubts his plan. I hope he will end up trying to make friends... INSTEAD OF HARASSING THEM
OK YOU KNOW WHAT I ABANDON THIS STORY *SCREEEEEEEEEE*T