How to Dye Your Prince Blueblood Blue(and Purple)
So, I very briefly mentioned Prince Blueblood, Celestia’s very, very, very far distant nephew. It was honestly a shocker that Celly had a nephew, but then I learnt how far removed he was. So that made three relatives of Celly that I now know of. This includes, in order of actually being related to my marefriend, Luna, Blueblood, and Cadance. Cadance was actually adopted shortly after she became an alicorn, which she happily took in full. Essentially everypony related to Cadance soon became Celestia’s cousins and whatever the hecks.
Blueblood’s whole bloodline was actually related to Celestia’s half cousin from before she became an alicorn. Meaning they weren’t related to Luna in any way, beyond the first Bluebloods possibly sharing a great grand-dam with her. So they were very far removed as far as relatives were concerned, but the whole Blueblood family still clung, like a crazy, stalker ex-girlfriend, clung onto the fact that they were related to Princess Celestia! So they were still wealthy, mainly from various businesses that each pony in the family runs, and have some miniscule amount of political power, even if it became nearly nonexistent after Luna came back down.
I get along well with Luna, she’s very nice, and a little nerdy once you break down her walls. She treats me like I am genuinely her little brother, and I’m perfectly okay with being the younger sibling, even if our relationship is a bit odd since I am technically Celly’s consort, not somepony to be treated like a little brother, but Luna still treats me as such. In other words, Luna’s a sweetheart and I can tell that she wants to improve herself and make do on the horrible things she’s done… She still sometimes shows up to mine and Celly’s door with breakfast, and it’s starting to get almost edible.
Princess Cadance isn’t somepony I got to interact with very often, but today I am going to be able to actually hangout with. From what I’ve seen, so far, is that she’s actually really protective of her auntie, and is actually super nice once she figured out that I do genuinely love Celly. I’m putting my day with Cadance in the same journal entry, even though it’s happened weeks ago now, simply so you can get some context to how nice Celly’s relatives usually are. Mostly so you can then understand how the heck I ended up getting into a little hissy fit with Blueblood.
I set my journal down, as I had actually been awake for far longer than Celly had, she was still asleep, and snoring like a kitten. I nuzzled her, before getting up to take care of my business. Since Celly was essentially one with the Sun, or something like that, she had a really good internal clock, and she should be waking up soon to raise the sun. This meant I had at least six minutes to take a piss, and a dump. Mostly a dump since Celly ended up making tacos, that almost tasted like actual mexican tacos, and it was pretty cool. However, like any taco, no matter if it’s Mexican, or Taco Bell, it will make your ass ready to kill itself the next day.
…Man I would kill for a shitty beef burrito out of a Taco Bell. Well, I can’t really get that ever again, so I guess Celly’s cooking will have to do. However, it’s my turn next time we decide to sit down and have a not so fancy dinner that either of us end up cooking for dinner. So that means I will figure out how to make burritos, since Equestria doesn’t have those for some reason, and make some American burritos for Celly, so then it will be her turn to have her butt reek hell upon the inside of a toilet bowl…
Just like mine was right now. When I left the bathroom I noticed that Celestia was actually getting up, using a wing to stroke where I would usually be if I were still asleep, before noticing I wasn’t there. That was a semi-common occurrence, with me having work once a week, along with my occasional ‘brainfart’ moments where I wake up in the middle of the night and immediately go into the magical training room to keep working on WME or Python depending on the day. I was going to hold off on Python, but I was hoping to somehow take the elements of both WME and Python and eventually work them into something better… Or just so I can get either spell system done before the end of the year. Python was damn close to being good enough to release, but I wanted it to be perfect.
WME was going to be a rush job of a spell system that me and Luna both mutually agreed was horrible. Luna could barely manage casting Levitate consistently, so that should tell you how hard WME is… until Luna pointed something out. As it turns out, my stupid, stupid spell system… Well, I’ll describe it later, since I have a marefriend to surprise.
My marefriend didn’t even blink twice at me being missing… but looked a little disappointed. I felt my heart twist slightly at that. So that’s what I do to Celly whenever I wake up early… I am going to work on my sleep schedule. It is quite nice to wake up to being snuggled into Celelstia’s side just as she’s waking up, or to watch her raise the Sun. Sunny got to her hooves soon after, ignoring her regalia, as it really wasn’t that important for raising the sun, and I soon tiptoed after her onto the balcony. Luna was standing on her balcony, and her ears perked slightly when she noticed the stupid, blue unicorn approaching her sister from behind. However, beyond that, or Celestia’s ears perking. Neither seemed to pay attention to my presence.
I started using Levitate on my Hooves, and through Python, I essentially had my own hover shoes, which was really cool. I wanted to call it Hover, but apparently this was just a more advanced application of Levitate. I simply stood behind Celestia while she raised the sun, in the air, with a cheeky little grin on my face. Luna flashed me a quick, toothy grin, which finally made Celestia crack.
“Sister! Why are you smirking?!” Celly shouted.
“You seemed a little down this morning, Tia. I believe somepony is trying to make you happier.”
“I woke up to Source having already started his day… of course I’m a little…” Celly stopped and I could hear her actually sniff at the air like a bloodhound. Before she turned around and came nose to nose with me. Celly looked shocked for just a moment, before I leaned forward and kissed her directly on the nose. The Sun went up and down three times while I was kissing the Sun Goddess that I was fortunate enough to call my marefriend. I also figured that Celly was going to get a few concerned letters later about the Sun being taken down and put back into place rapidly, really quickly.
“Good morning, dear,” I whispered as I leaned in and nuzzled her cheek. “Did you sleep well?”
“SOURCE!” Celly yelled. “WHERE THE BUCK WERE YOU HIDING?” Ow, she did the loud, boomy thing that Luna likes to do sometimes.
“I was in the bathroom… ow.” I whimpered as I set myself on the ground and started rubbing my ears. “Man I miss my human ears, I like having more sensitive ears but…” I shuttered. “My eardrums hurt more when you yell that loud, Celly.”
“Oh… I’m so, so sorry Source. You just surprised me so much! It was a pleasant surprise, but I thought you had gotten up to go start out on your day before I could give you a proper send off.” Celestia immediately started doing right on her wrong by licking the inside of one of my ears, which did do wonders to help me feel a lot better about being shouted at in the Canterlot Royal Voice. We both lowered ourselves onto the balcony and cuddled until eventually Celestia had to go rule her kingdom. She wished me luck with Cadance, and we both parted ways with my marefriend heading into the bathroom to get ready for the day, and me heading down to Cadance’s part of the castle, which was really just a small hallway that led up to a very heavily converted guest room.
So, I said I would explain the whole WME thing before I ended up getting distracted by the opportunity to kiss Celly on the nose. So while I walk to Cadance’s room, I’ll explain why WME is randomly really good. So just Levitate can easily be used to test how good you are at being precise with your Rune Casting. So that alone can be used as a part of testing in order to get into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, or a test to see how good you are with precision.
On top of that, more powerful unicorns can use it to work on controlling their Rune Casting and get better control over said power. Because of this, somepony like Twilight can’t just brute force her way through WME’s take on Levitation. However, since Twilight’s used to brute forcing most spells(she's quick enough with Runes and the Hybrid system to get away with it), on top of her being already pretty precise, WME forces her to be precise to the literal letter, and can actually help a regular pony work on their magical endurance. Essentially, if you can get a Levitate out in WME, you’re insanely precise in spell casting, even if you may not be the most powerful.
For instance, Rarity, one of Twilight’s friends, is very precise with Rune casting even if she lacks power. So she can, according to Twilight in a letter, more consistently do all the Runes for Levitate in WME even if she doesn’t have the magical knowhow to get through any of the equations for it. So it takes power to actually cast with WME, but is just really good for testing ponies on their Rune Casting. Luna and Celestia can do all the equations, because they’ve got the power to do so, but they can’t be precise enough to work all of Levitate’s bootleg Chinese Runes consistently.
In other words, if Luna and Celestia keep at it, they can be so precise that they could probably cast a normal spell in milliseconds. Rarity could become so precise that she could possibly sew fabric together by the atom if she actually cared enough to give herself a hornache over god damn Windows Meth Edition.
Yeah, I changed the name to Meth edition, because you’d have to be a meth head to actually use this stupid system over any pre-existing system.
Windows Meth Edition is essentially the hottest gummy bear of magic. You do it once to see if you can do it at all, and then you never do it again. Or if you want a less spice heavy example, run Doom Eternal on a Nintendo DSI… that’s basically Windows Meth Edition while being used by a Twilight Level unicorn.
I knocked on Cadance’s door a couple of times. I know she and Shining Armor were going to have a ‘cuddling session’, since they were practically married at this point. My man’s actually proposed to Cadance, which is odd since usually, according to Celly, the mare proposes to the stallion, but I guess Shining does have some balls after all. Cadance opened the door slowly, she looked like she just got out of the bath. There was a bath towel wrapped around her head, and her tail looked like it was still dripping a bit of water on her carpet. Shining Armor could be seen slightly behind her, also slightly wet. I silently waved at Shining, knowing why the two of them just showered; I can still smell the… juices of their cuddling last night.
“Howdy, Cadance, sup Shining?” I reached out and brohoofed Shining Armor.
“Hey Source! We heard about what you and Auntie Celestia did! She was gushing about it at lunch while you were at work yesterday!” Cadance hugged me.
“Wuh?”
“You proposed to Celestia of course! To think that I thought you didn’t love her at first!”
“But I do. I damn near tried to kick Nightmare Moon’s teeth in for her… Then I realized how confident I was in actually being able to do that.”
“Don’t you have this ‘top tier’, custom tailored magical system that lets you fight Princess Celestia for a bit?” Shining asked.
“That doesn’t matter against Nightmare Moon, as much as I adore Luna, her alter-ego is horrifying and is a lot less hesitant when it comes to murdering me. Celestia holds her punches a lot whenever we spar, Nightmare Moon would kill me the moment I showed any signs of aggression. No matter how good Python is for helping me bridge any gaps I have in strength with other unicorns, I ain’t holding a candle to anypony that can raise and lower the moon, or the sun. Twilight could probably turn me into a puddle of blood in a heartbeat. You’d be shocked at how mediocre I am at any school of magic that isn’t what I’ve directly developed, such as Python.”
“I wouldn’t say you’re bad at magic,” Cadance hummed. “It takes a special kind of pony to be able to make their own system of magic… Even if it is sort of useless for most ponies.”
“Hey, if need be, I can hold out long enough against Twilight, if she were to wanna kill me, with Python. And because of Python, I have so many ways out of a situation, that I can get out most of the time because of how simplistic and quick you can cast spells with it. My system ain’t meant to immediately make it so you can win against some random alicorn that wants you dead. It’s meant as a means to keep you alive long enough for help to come to you, or to get yourself the heck out of a situation. If I were to fight Shining Armor, for whatever reason, I ain’t sticking around for him to crush me with a shield, or to just outright beat me on a purely physical level. Nah, I’m getting the fuck out of the area until I can either find a way to win, or keep running until I’m certain that I’m not in danger…” I hummed before my ears perked up.
“Y’all wanna go just walk around the park for a few hours and maybe hit a bar up? I would not be opposed to getting ahold of some cheap, shitty rum right now.”
“I wouldn’t mind either, though we’ll have to buy a bottle and come back here after hitting that bar. As much as I would love to cut loose and drink a whole bottle, it wouldn’t be wise for me to do it in public; I’m a Princess for starters, and you and Shiny would probably have to keep a lot of stallions, and mares, off of me if I were to get drunk.”
“Fair enough. C’mon, let’s go.”
We strolled through the castle on the way back from the bar. We ended up getting a nice, strawberry flavored rum because it just seemed good at the time. I think Cadance might have ADHD, since she saw it, the strawberry rum, stared at it, and immediately purchased it on impulse rather than getting her favorite, raspberry rum, alcohol. Hell, she even bought raspberry wine on a whim because it’s alcohol, so how could it be so different from rum? Well, very different because she ended up downing the whole thing and only got a little tipsy. She was leaning on me, while Shining and I simply sat and talked.
“So Twilight… Actually built forts out of books when she was a little filly.”
“Yeah, I even helped her sometimes.”
“That sounds fucking adorable.”
“I have a photo or seventeen,” Cadance said merrily. “I used to be her foalsitter; she was an adorable, sweet little filly… once you got past her shell.”
“She really didn’t like me during my first few weeks in Equestria… then she started being nice to me after she started staying in Ponyville. I think her having those five friends is doing her wonders. She actually looked excited to see me and talk to me instead of just snatching my Python textbook out of my hooves and sneaking off to the library to consume it and suddenly be a Python using goddess that forgot I existed after promptly doing so.”
“...Maybe she started warming up to you before she had to stay in Ponyville?” Shining asked. “If I know Twily, I know she doesn’t make friends very easily.”
“Could be that, I dunno. She almost hugged me last time we met, or she did, I can’t remember because I immediately partook in a magical duel.”
“Did you win?” Cadance ask. “It sounds like you won if you don’t mind having to get into a duel.”
“I made the poor mare cry, and because I am a sucker, I felt bad and went after her. She slept on my back on the way back to Ponyville while I pulled her wagon.”
“Hehehe…” Cadance lifted her empty cup and took a sip from it. “Sounds like you’re going to start a herd.” Cadance, you’re drunk, go to sleep.
Yeah, so Cadance likes to use me as a pillow when she gets a little tipsy, apparently. She only used my shoulder because Shiny’s shoulders are too hard from all that being the captain of the Royal Guard and stuff. I’m still a little soft and squishy, despite me joining in on guard training, and the occasional sparring match with Celery Sticks, yes that’s a new nickname for Celestia because she really hates celery. By the time I was done hanging out with Cadance, it was around time for Day Court. Luna was supposed to be joining in and helping her sister today; a chance to learn how to perform court in a more modern era.
When I walked into the courtroom, which was a carbon copy of the throne room, save for the throne. Same mosaic windows, same red carpet leading up to the head of the room, which instead of a throne, was a judge stand, a two tiered judge stand, the middle, tallest tier, was meant for Celestia, or Luna, both of whom were sitting together on the same chair. Admittedly, it was kinda funny, and kinda adorable, because the chair was only meant to fit one alicorn at a time. So Luna had to sit there, with a somewhat unamused expression, while being thoroughly embarrassed in public.
Occasionally, while the current petitioner spoke(I cut the line and immediately sat in the jury section where only a hoof-full of ponies were sitting), Celly would nuzzle Luna’s cheek, or the inside of her ear, and kept a wing draped over her younger sister. It was adorable, and Luna… was none-too happy to be in the position she was. On one hoof, I knew Luna loved snuggling up with Celly whenever she got the chance, on the other, Celestia had a little smirk, almost unnoticed, and I knew why. Despite being two, damn near immortal, alicorns, they were still sisters, and Celestia at heart, was an older sibling.
If I know anything from experience as the eldest of my siblings, I knew I loved embarrassing them in public. Celestia could do that, help her sister adjust to a more modern way of ruling, while snuggling up with her, and she knew that Luna was secretly enjoying the moment.
Luna, despite being publicly, and thoroughly, embarrassed, read over a document that I’m assuming the petitioner had provided… Until… “Thou are saying though would like to purchase a plot of land, ‘i Canterlot, that consists of a residential area? Not to become a landlord to rent out some of the homes to other families, but to build a dock for thy airships? Thou art not aware that each of these homes are owned by far less fortunate ponies than thee?” Luna asked, actually keeping her Canterlot Royal Voice in check despite the edge in her voice.
“Yes, your highness. You see, I have far, far too many airships and-”
“Yet thou would try to buy out a neighborhood, not reimburse any of the issues that has been living ‘i quoth neighborhood for generations, for airships thou won’t even use for commercial purposes, yet to market a collection? Thou weren't going to pay any of the families for their homes.”
“Uh… yeah. I need somewhere to store my personal collection.”
“Yo,” I said, walking behind the judge's stand, and popping up beside the sisters. “Aren’t airships really expensive? Like a hundred thousand bits each at the lowest?”
“And just who are you?” The stallion, a rich looking, tan, unicorn douche bag. He wore a fancy suit.
“Thou are speaking to mine sister’s consort.”
“...What?” The tan unicorn looked at me for a brief moment with wide eyes. “There is no bucking way…”
“So, Celly, what’s the lowest price of an airship? I can’t make any calls here, but I just wanna ask.”
“I believe the cheapest of airships can easily go for two hundred and thirty thousand bits.”
“Aight cool. Lulu, your call.” I said for Celly.
“Denied,” Luna said, using the deny stamp and stamped her own seal onto it. “Next in the court!” The Princess said before handing the documentation to the dickbag, before sending him on his way.
“Why did you step in, Source?” Celestia asked. “Or make the call for Luna to make the call?” Celestia asked.
“Well, I wanted to know how much of a dickbag that dude is. If he’s got a whole collection of airships, and has enough to buy… a buckball field’s worth of space? Yeah, he’s a rich asshat. Back home… There are plenty of those, with way more influence due to how my country’s government was set up. It was kinda… awful, honestly. And when I told Luna to make the call, I know you would’ve told her that, and then you lick the inside of Lulu’s ears the moment she made a really good call, which is saying ‘no’ to that asshole.” I shrugged.
“I suppose that is fair… You do realize that was one of Prince Blueblood’s closest friends, correct?” Celestia asked. She took me off to the side, letting Luna take lead for this petitioner
“Meh, that asshole never liked me anyways. If that dickhead goes after Luna for that…”
“I’ll-” we both said at the same time.
“Go first,” I said.
“I’ll have a few choice words.”
“Huh, that is way better than what I woulda done. I was gonna beat the shit out of Blueblood if he started yelling at Luna. She damn near cried when he yelled at her the first time… seriously, what kinda dickhead calls his auntie a she-demon?”
“He said far worse.”
“I know. Now that I know Luna a lot better, I woulda kicked his arse right there and then...” We both spun around when we heard Luna cheering. She was currently hugging a mare and a colt, both of them looked nothing alike. In Luna’s magic were… adoption forms, while the mare and colt shared her enthusiasm. The mare was cheering about being the adoptive mother of the colt, as it sounded like they had gone through a lot of hoops just to adopt the colt beside her. The two jumped while they hugged while the colt was having his own celebration. “Yeah, Blueblood woulda got kicked in the balls a couple of times.”
“I believe we will have to keep Blueblood from talking to Luna for the next few weeks.”
So instead of Blueblood yelling at Luna for doing her job, the good Prince decided to come onto the guard training grounds, while I was doing the usual exercises. Celestia had a free day today, a very rare thing, so she decided to take it upon herself to watch me start working out. Not gonna lie, I was still a bit scrawny, but I was actually gaining some muscle mass. Now if I were to flex, you would actually see some muscle rather than just me being an idiot. Celly was watching from a special little balcony, since the Princess coming to watch her guard train is a big deal, and I could tell she was watching the other ponies present.
However, her eyes were, in fact, on my butt most of the time. Or rather, she was watching me a little extra closely.
Today is a day where you can’t use magic; it’s mandatory that every guard at least knows how to use a spear. Every guard, and me, was given a nice, long wooden pole, about two meters in length, and was actually pretty strong. I suggested bamboo, as bamboo was really tough, so that was being tested somewhere. I was actually not too horrible with one of these things, even if I was only good with magic because of how useful Python was for helping me push power into spells. However, this one was mainly hand eye coordination.
Sorry, hoof eye coordination, not hand eye coordination.
God I hate Equish. Not English, it’s different enough, now that I’ve gotten more used to it, that I can say they’re similar, but not the same.
I blocked Solar Strike’s left swing, or more like I parried it. The problem I have is that I’m still a lot weaker than my ‘peers’. So I couldn’t just outright win anything involving no magic. I can get nicks and smacks here and there, but I’m not gonna outright win. I swung left, like I was gonna hit Solar in the neck, which to his credit, he moved to block it, only for me to go for the leg. Since he had to hold the pole with one hoof, when I swung for the leg at the last second, I struck it, and I actually hit it hard enough to knock Solar off balance. I then went for his underbelly, running under it, before using all four of my legs, after throwing my staff aside, to bring him down…
“WOO!” I cheered before going to help my buddy up. That was the first time I actually knocked Solar down!
My guard friend was luckily a really good sport, he took my hoof and I pulled him up. “Ey, you’re actually getting better at physical stuff!” Solar patted me on the back. “Good job, dude!”
“I just-”
“Juked me. You juked me, Source. That’s a part of any fight, any grand battle. I still firmly believe you’re way better with magic than you are with a staff, but you can use one competently enough that if you somehow can’t use magic, you’ll be fully capable of defending yourself. I’ve been in the guard for way longer than you have been training, even longer than you’ve been a pony according to you. So seeing you become so decent so quickly, over the month and a half that I’ve known you, that’s impressive. Wanna have another go?”
“Well, I might as well letcha kick my ass; can’t get better if I don’t get my shit rocked every now and then, can I?”
“A blunt, and vulgar, way of saying it, but you’re not wrong, c’mon.”
After that, I ended up actually doing fairly well, Solar Strike beat me a majority of the rounds, either really quickly, or after tiring me out of a fight. I was pretty happy about that, even if I was covered in bruises by the time we were done. It was around five rounds that trouble came rumbling through in the form of Prince Blueblood.
“Source Code!” I flinched and promptly took a staff to the shoulder from Solar.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered,” I was mostly annoyed about the staff hitting my shoulder, because dealing with Celestia’s nephew’s more of a pain in the shoulder than the staff hitting me.
“Oh…” Solar whispered. We both sighed. “Good luck with the Prince, Source.”
“I’m gonna need it.”
“Why did you talk to my friend the way that you did?” Prince Blueblood approached us and almost got in my face. My ears reflexively folded against my skull as me and Solar shared a look.
“Your friend tried buying a plot of land that contained Solar’s family’s house. I saw the map for the area he wanted to buy; your friend’s a dickbag.”
“So!?” Blueblood shouted at me. Prince Blueblood was a blonde, maned, white unicorn stallion that was admittedly pretty nice looking. There were only two stallions that I knew of, Shining Armor, and Solar Strike, that I’d probably date if I wasn’t straight. Blueblood was almost as handsome as either of them, but he’s a dick so he went from a fuck out of ten, to a tumor in the ass. “My friend, Rising Stock, was going to legally purchase some land.”
“No he wouldn’t have, Luna wasn’t gonna say yes to that, Celestia wasn’t going to say yes, and your friend being a rich asshat, or being ‘friends’ with you won’t change a thing.”
“And you don’t have the authority to-”
“I never made any calls, I just asked a question, and let Luna make the call. I just asked the question because I wanted to know how much of a douche Mr. Stock was.” I think I saw Solar trying to get in between me and Blueblood. I saw that Celestia was watching on, her eyes flicking between those… dragon eyes and her normal eyes. I rubbed the back of my head before nuzzling Solar, which made him jolt a little. “C’mon bud, let’s get back to training. I wanna see if I can pull a quick one on you for once-”
Blueblood just slapped me in the face. “I challenge you to a duel, right here, right now.” I started rubbing my cheek as I got over the initial shock, while everyone around us sat and stared. Solar Strike immediately pushed Blueblood back and stood in between us. I sat on my rump while slowly processing my options.
“That’s enough, Prince Blueblood. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Princess Celestia just watched you hit her consort in the face”
“So? That commoner should learn his place! He has no right to be even in the presence of Auntie Celestia-”
“Prince Blueblood,” I said slowly. I was over my shock now. “Get your stupid, entitled arse in the ring. I’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, that you’ll be tasting my fucking toenails.” I said very, very slowly. “Solar, stand aside, I’ve got a child’s ass that needs to be shoved down a toilet.” I don’t think Solar ever heard me be pissed off before, because his head snapped to me, and he actually backed away from me for a moment, before nodding and getting out of the way. Every single guard, captain, and creature present watched as me and Blueblood watched from afar while we started circling each other.
The slap didn’t even hurt me all that much, Blueblood hits like a pussy, but I was kinda tired of this fucker coming over and telling me that I’m a piece of shit. He’s right, but he’s one to talk.
“Come at me, bitch boy,” I said tauntingly. I may be pissed, but I’m human, if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s channel my anger properly. And thanks to my experience as a fast food employee that got yelled at every single day, I know how to come off as a lot calmer than I actually am. I also need to take a slower approach, because I know that Blueblood’s apparently a professional duelist or something else entirely stupid. Thankfully, since Blueblood is an idiot, he took that bait really easily and launched… a basic concussive spell.
I grinded that into the ground with my own magic pretty quickly. The spell wasn’t weak, but it was a simple Rune based spell with nothing unique about it. “Really my guy?” I asked tauntingly. “How the fuck did you win all those dueling trophies you brag so much about? Did you beat up some children in the juniors’ duelist competition and call yourself a pro for being able to beat kids? Maybe that’s what yo daddy did; he was too busy beating other people’s kids to beat your stupid ass.”
“Don’t you dare say that, commoner. You’ve seen nothing yet-” I launched a concussive spell with Pierce. It wasn’t a large beam at all, but it’s something I’ve been developing. Since it’s a smaller beam, it’s less surface area that power’s wasted upon contact. Meaning with Python helping me out a lot, Pierce can just ‘pierce’ through most ponies’ shields and then slap the shit out of whoever’s behind the shield. Blueblood, like the cocky bastard he is, thought nothing of the spell given how small it was, so he just brought up a tiny shield. I grabbed my staff as soon as Pierce made contact with his shield. It made a sickening shatter as it broke through the shield and hit Blueblood.
With his shield being broken, that was probably giving him a horn ache, and he got hit right in the nose with a Pierce, so now he was also holding his nose while he stumbled about… poor fella. He should’ve thought twice before striking me like that. I can handle being hit, I wouldn’t be training with the guard if I was. I just had a feeling that as soon as he was done here, he was gonna interrupt Luna while she was trying to get some sleep, and start yelling at her too.
Luna doesn’t deserve that, since usually Blueblood just calls Nightmare Moon, instead of by her actual name.
My levitation swept Blueblood off his hooves before I dragged him across the ground while peppering him with concussive blasts. I feel like every guard watching was flinching; I wasn’t holding back and Python was doing wonders in making the good prince wince and yelp. Once he was near me, I started smacking his flanks constantly with the staff. I was actually spanking a pony that was biologically older than I was by three years. This went on for a good minute before a hoof tapped my shoulder. A hoof wearing a golden horse shoe.
“As amusing as it is to see somepony teach my nephew a lesson, I believe I must stop. You can see bruises through Bluebood’s coat, Source. I believe it would be wise to stop now before you accidentally break something?” I looked up at Celestia’s warm smile, one that immediately calmed me down. By the look in her eyes, she wanted to probably join in, but it definitely looks better if she stopped the fight instead of joining in on the fight. Even if some of the guards were begging, with their eyes, to watch Celly slap the shit out of her nephew. I looked back at Blueblood and almost snorted.
His once blonde, perfectly styled mane was ruined and messy, it was starting to brown because of the dirt in it. I know I accidentally mixed some heat spells into some of the blasts because his left cheek was burnt slightly. As Celly said, his entire body was bruised and battered, so much so that you could see it through the fur… there were a few bald spots that showcased his newly blue and purple skin, which was honestly a nice look. It if weren’t for the fact that Blueblood was crying and whimpering on the floor, I woulda told Blueblood that it was a good look and he should dye his mane and coat. I stared at the prince for a few moments.
“Uh… I’m in trouble for this, aren’t I?”
“You are not, the laws surrounding duels are archaic and almost outdated, but you both agreed to dueling. So long as nopony is killed during a magical duel, nopony is to be punished over being injured… and I could tell you were beyond angry. You reverted to… some of your older mannerisms. A ‘foot up the ass’ as you say.”
“...Huh. If you heard that…”
“Fear not, everypony here should be aware of what you are. Come along, we have to drop my nephew in the castle infirmary and you have boo-boos that I need to kiss better.” I wasn’t even hurt. I gave her a blank look before she got right in my ear. “Watching you beat Tartarus into somepony like that… was rather hot if I must say. I want to do more than just kiss your boo-boos away.”
“Oho, your eyes are shining like the Sun… Wait until after dinner, dear; I still have to cook you what I would call a gourmet hayburger.”
“That would be delightful… Perhaps you can show me some of your… more carnivorous eating habits?” That meant she wanted something else for dessert. No, I am not saying what.
So that’s how I feel about Celly’s existing family members.
Luna’s a dork and completely loveable. While she does try to act like my older sister, there are some bits of me being an older sister that simply won’t die. Such as being incredibly protective of her, which is something that got me a few brownie points from Celesetia over.
Cadance and Shining Armor, while not legally married yet, they basically were. Shining’s always a bro, fun to be around. Cadance, once I got to know her, total sweetheart, nothing but nice.
Blueblood just looks at me with fear now, and actively avoids speaking to me. Once he almost cursed at Luna when she decided it was her turn to ‘hog the stallion’ for the day. He immediately backtracked, apologized to Luna and went to a local bar for the day just to get the hell away from me. I had to chuckle at that; Blueblood really is a Blue Bitch. His flanks were still kinda purple from when I was spanking them as hard as I could.
I dunno how, dunno why, but all of Celly’s relatives are super nice, excluding Blueblood, so I dunno what happened with that dickbag, but I don’t think anypony’s going to be worrying about him any time soon. Surprisingly, I faced zero repercussions, as Celly’s consort, I am apparently above the law… Not really. Everypony present fully agreed that Blueblood had started the fight, and paid the repercussions for starting a fight with me. Nopony wanted to punish me anyways; Blueblood had it coming, and I was one of the few ponies that could serve Blueblood an ass whoopin’ without getting in trouble.
So my punishment was a day with Celly, where I was constantly snuggled up to her side, under her wing, while she did either paperwork, or Day Court… She just wanted to hog me for the week after Luna hogged me for one day. She even insisted on coming to work with me during this punishment and actually helped out during a lunch rush at Hayburger Al’Round. That, that is a story for another time though. It was pretty funny…
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Glad to read that Blue Bitch got what he deserved. Way to go Source!
Ah, Classic asshat Blueblood instead one of the rareer trickier varients such as Jar Jar Blueblood or Spymaster Blueblood.
Threes many pecuiarities with Windows over the versions. Ive only heard of a few of them. One is that the schitzo memory handling of Vista comes from the source code Microsoft was given in 1984 so they could recode Basic to run on that system. Dont look into how MS Basic works if you are a Kirin.
My favourite one is that apparently Windows because one of the greatest gaming systems going, because Microsoft hired a bunch of newly jobless coders, aand those guys took their knowledge of one of the greatest machines ever made, and came up with DirectX, which bypassed Windows to actually get things done. Think of DirectX as being Mitochondria cells, the powerhouse, inside the Windows cells, which interface with the surrounding world. It also means that you need to learn two conflicting coding methods which are implemented in different ways, at the same time.
Sort of like how Japanese glyphs are written differently depending where they are relative to other glyphs. sort of like dynamic self modifying code?
I dont Think it got quite as bad as YuGiOh, but when you start getting things like the trackloader making the floppy drive play the theme music to the game at you while it loads the data, you better realise youre facing coders of the darkest arts. Especially when you relaise that the theme tune is part of the copy protection security. And the darkest coder when interviewd claimed he had 256 levels of slow progressive degredation encoded in his creation, and noone had ever reached the end.
I wonder how long before passive security will need to evolve to active defense and even passive and active offensive security and how you handle millisecond or even far faster speed adaptive code that responds without the caster having to control each induvidual rune.
Would you like to play a game?
While I thing you missed a chance there with Blueblood, I still enjoyed it an am hoping there is more to come soon.
Source Code, The Magus Of Ass Whoopin'
Wifey time!
love it!!!!~
A hayburger made by Princess Celestia herself. That sounds like a pony scalper’s dream ware to hock next to prime Wonderbolts tickets. “1,000 bits. 1,000 bits here! Hayburger made by the Princess! Hey, pal, Princess Celestia’s hayburger right here. Hot princess buns! Fresh! All the trimmin’s!!”
I imagine Source laid a mega-C-C-C-COMBO!!! ‘Them’s Fightin’ Herds’ style. Then at the end betwixt each swing of his mighty switch upon the prince’s flank a loud, “Say you’re sorry!” Or “Who’s your daddy now!?”
When leaving him at the clinic finish with a, “oh, by the way, you’re grounded, mister. And no gala neither.” 
So, the WME is like a level-up technique? Nice.
Source wanted to make a prank, but instead devised a method for monsters to become more monstrous. Our guy is suffering from success methinks.
First time I’ve read a story that just has blueblood fear the MC when the MC isn’t a villain or something similar. Was a Great chapter an I am eager for more chapters, keep up the awesome work!
Hahahahahaha. Haaaaaa. Hmm...
Reminds me of the bucket of water and hitting rocks scene in Mulan.
There’s only like 5 stories where he’s decent.
Well yes, yes you are not. Let's hope you won't.