Hello, World.

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So, there are some experiences I wish I could tell people without looking like a crazy person. I am only writing this now, because… It’s been about four weeks since I could write in a journal or diary of some sort. The problem that I am currently experiencing is… I’m a horse. I’m a horse, or rather, a pony. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I am a horse-pony thing. I sorta… woke up in a crater one day, injured and aching all over, and woke up again in a hospital room. From there, I was met with another horse… wearing a nurse hat.

I’ll do my best to write out how that interaction went.

“What the fuck!” I yelled.

“He’s awake!” The nurse pony gasped.

“You can fucking talk!?” I yelled again, before rolling out of my bed and scampering away from the thing in front of me.

“Of course I can talk-”

I didn’t care, I managed to work out how to move my legs. There were four of those now, I just noticed, and broke off into a gallop towards the door. You see, in my state of panic, I forgot that I had no arms, or hands, to open the door with. So I ran face first into the door and got knocked out again.

So that was my first interaction with one of the many ‘people’ in this world. You see, unlike Earth, I am on a planet called Equus which has the same geography of Earth, just everything is named differently and the sea levels are different, so places like Florida are just gone. There’s also less ice in the world, so Greenland was melted into three different islands. It was kinda neat, seeing the world in this way.

The poles were still frozen, so there was still ice, and Antarctica was still the frozen hell hole that it is on Earth.

So, I’m living on an alien planet, which is really just Earth in another universe apparently. Humans don’t exist, so ponies, logically, took over the world instead, becoming sentient, sapient, and built civilization. The country they built up was named Equestria, and was roughly where the U.S.A was on Equus, but only took up the eastern and midwest part of the country. The western were labeled the Badlands, and it was basically uninhabitable. It was just a giant desert. Up north of Equestria was Griffonia, because Griffins are a thing on Equus.

Cuba was the land of the Minotaurs, dunno the name for it, as they don’t really have one.

Speaking of Equestria, after I managed to thoroughly scare the shit out of my nurse, and knock myself out, I later learnt that I was being kept inside of a castle’s infirmary, because a pony showing up in a crater, in the middle of town where a strong residue of magic was a thing, would concern the rulers of Equestria. Where was I found? Ponyville. Apparently a magical mishap happened, and I became a unicorn.

Anyways, I learnt that Equestria was ruled by a single pony, her name was Celestia. She stopped by to check in on me after I woke up again after I knocked myself out.

Here’s how that went.

“Uh…” This pony was tall. Like really tall. She wore a golden crown on her head, had a sun tattoo’d into her butt, and was incredibly tall. At first I thought the door frame was a little too tall given how none of the ponies here were even half the size of said door frame, that was until I saw the door crack open and see a very tall, winged unicorn walk into the room. Even I could tell that by pony standards, she was beautiful. She kept her wings folded, likely in an attempt to seem less intimidating, and she walked to the front of my door, and sat like a cat.

“Hello, my little pony,” she greeted

“Hi…”

“I can tell that… you have a special case.”

“Yeah, I was just told by my poor nurse, tell her I’m sorry for scaring her by the way, that I’m in a hospital that’s built into your castle. I’m assuming I’m in this hospital for a reason.”

“Well, you were injured, and the crater that I had found you in is rather… interesting. If you have a name, do speak up… just know that we may have to change your name should you want to fit into pony society a bit better.” I raised an eyebrow. “I know you are not of this world. The crater you were in… had no magic in it whatsoever. The soil, that is usually full of magic, was gone. The burns in the crater, every single millimeter of the crater had no magic in it. You yourself do not radiate magic like most do, and you’re a unicorn!”

“Huh… Say, what’s with the tattoo on your butt?”

“...That’s my cutie mark. Everypony has one.”

“What’s that?”

“...We are going to have much to discuss.”

“Okay. Do you have a name?”

“I’m Princess Celestia.”

“...Can I call you Sun Butt? That’s easier to remember.”

Celestia surprisingly giggled at that. “If you call me that, I suppose it would be better than the usual ‘your highness’ or ‘your majesty’ or the quivering ‘Princess!’. Though I would prefer that you call me by name once you get more acclimated with it in the future.”

“Will do, Sun Butt. you’re… surprisingly chill for somepony that’s supposedly the leader of a, apparently, powerful country.”

“And you are surprisingly ‘chill’ for somepony that just hopped dimensions.”

“Oh, I’m getting over the shock of the fact that I’m no longer a human being. I’ve worked out the initial fear after I ran face first into a door.” I leaned rolled onto my stomach and sat up. I looked at my own butt to look at my cutie mark. It was a bunch of ones and zeros… given that I was trying to code a game before I ended up in Equestria, I can’t complain. That was the one thing I was good at back on Earth. “Huh…”

That is an idea for a name at least; it’s what I went by on the forums for the fan game I was co-coding, so I would respond to it just fine.

“You can call me Source Code,” I sat up. “I feel like I should try to bow, but I think I’ll fall on my face if I try it. I’m barely able to sit up,” I gestured to myself.

“Think nothing of it… However, there are some things I would like to discuss with you. Would you like to join me for a walk? It would help you a bit with a change of scenery, and you can get to practicing in your new body.”

“Sure thing, Sunbutt.”

“Splendid! Come, I have a personal drawing room that we can go to.” I nodded and hopped off the bed… only to nearly fall on my face. When the ground never came up and gave my huge nose a kiss, I realized I was floating. I was set up on my hooves as Sunbutt. Her horn was lit, and I was surrounded with a golden… aura that felt pleasantly warm. Just like a fire in the fireplace; pleasantly warm but not smoldering hot. “Perhaps you shouldn’t be jumping off of beds; it won’t do you much good.”

“Yeah, I suppose it wouldn’t. I prefer not breaking my face; I’m sure you wouldn’t want to break your face either. Nobody wants to break their face.”

“That does sound rather unpleasant,” she said with a chuckle. I quickly fell in line at her heels, my head came right up to her rear. I was wobbly, I was barely able to walk, but I was walking. And it felt like we had been walking for hours while we made our way through the castle, up several stairs, and around dozens of corners. During that time, it was full of lighthearted conversation. I had to explain to Celestia what my hobby, and my job was.

“So what do you like to do in your free time, Source?”

“I work in a crummy fast food place. It kinda sucked, but it paid bills.”

“I see. Was that your special talent?” I tilted my head. “Your special talent, it’s in relation to your cutie mark.”

“Oh heck no! I hated that job. My boss was a dick, my coworkers were lazy sacks of shit, and the customers were awful. In my free time, I, and a few buddies of mine would… try to code a game. Think of making lines of ones and zeros, commands and whatnot all to make things on a screen happen… Like say ‘make model X run cycle underscore one until X meets destination A’. It’s something I liked to think I was quite good at, and even took schooling for it.”

“I see, that sounds like magic. Typically one would use their horn to ‘write’ out, or ‘perform’, the right ‘runes’, and then something happens. You had something similar?”

“...No. I never heard of magic until now.” Or believed in it.

“Oh. What’s magic like, if I may ask.” Celestia summoned a book… from somewhere with a golden flash of magic.

“Look at this,” she turned to a page, and revealed… what looked like an alphabet of some sort. Each symbol didn’t look like a symbol from any language I’ve seen before. However, under each symbol was a letter from the English language. Twenty six characters, twenty six runes. “You make each rune with your horn, which you will learn how to do in time, and what you write out is what happens. For instance, I will spell out ‘light’.” Celestia did just that, and her horn turned into a flashlight of sorts. “For more complex spells, you make sentences for what you want to happen. For instance, if I wanted to make a fireball, I would write out fireball. The more complex spells take more time to perform due to this… And good horn dexterity so you don’t hurt yourself.

“There are ways around this, as I’ve seen, but this is the most widespread system for unicorns. Technically every unicorn is capable of three different systems of magic, but the ‘rune system’ is the easiest to learn, even if it is more taxing and slower than the other system. Levitation,” she floated the book away from me. It was in a golden aura that was also surrounding her horn.

“That looks like telekinesis.”

“That is basically because it is,” Celestia agreed. “Back on topic, levitation uses the second system of magic where you impose your will onto an object. This school is mostly illegal, as it is a gateway to mind control spells, but simple stuff like levitation is perfectly legal; most unicorns cannot live without it, after all.” She kept the book rune levitating after that explanation.

I read over the alphabet six or seven times… I want to learn this. This just sounds like coding.

“Another branch of is very similar to the first, as it uses runes, but are quite unknown as to which rune means what. It’s still somewhat manageable to learn, but I only know a few hundred ponies that could use this system effectively, and exceed it. I have been alive for thousands of years, Source. There is a fourth ‘system’ of magic, called… Dark Magic, which is completely off limits, though not illegal. It is very addictive and corrupts the user’s mind and soul. It’s more of a ‘use at your own risk’ system. And if anypony gets… too advanced and is too corrupted by this system, I end up putting them down.”

“Damn… I might try my hand in each of these systems. Mostly the first and third one. Those seem like something that I could be decent at…” I looked up and down Celestia… she looked jittery.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked. She looked a bit less composed than usual… I think. I did just meet her, after all.

“My apologies, Source. I have… found great enjoyment in teaching. It’s one of the few things I find great satisfaction in, even after all my time being alive.”

“And you’ve been around since… forever, basically.”

“I have.”

“...Jesus christ, I cannot imagine how much shit you’ve seen. I… I feel sorry for ya. If I’ve seen half the stuff you’ve been through, I think I would probably go insane. So seeing you being… nice. I gotta give ya props for your resilience, Sunbutt.” Celestia gave me a warm smile as we approached her drawing room.

We made ourselves comfy on the couch. For some bizarre reason, Celestia insisted that I lay against the side of her stomach. “So, Source, I must ask, since you brought it up. What are humans?”

“Oh, that’s what I was before I came to Equestria. I was… an almost completely hairless, ape. I walked on two feet and covered most of my body with clothes. I’ll be honest, humans eat just about anything. Meat included. We weren’t… exactly dangerous for the most part. If you gave us the time to think, humans could, and would find a way to eventually blow up an entire country though.”

“So you’re dangerous?”

“I’m… not. You could probably break my neck right now; I can feel how much muscle you’ve got under that coat of yours; you’re a fucking brick. A very nice, plush brick, but a brick. Clob me over the head with a hoof, and my head’s coming off,” I hummed. “Anyone can be dangerous anyways. To what capacity is what you should be worried about. And their willingness to be dangerous. For instance, a guy with a sword is dangerous, but a sword can really only be used to stab somebody. That’s assuming the guy with a sword wants to hurt anyone.”

“That is a good point. Are you willing to hurt anyone?”

“No. I don’t like the idea of hurting people. I can barely even tolerate the thought of it; I like to think that I’m a relatively peaceful guy. I would much, much rather spend a night coding with my buddies, having a beer, or just relaxing on the couch to some good music than hurt somebody.”

“Then I see no problem in you living amongst my ponies, Source Code. I figured you wouldn’t want to, hurt anypony that is, given your… demeanor.”

“Hey, you’re being relatively friendly to the weird alien that you found in a hole in the ground. I might as well return it.”

“I see,” Celestia hummed. “I have two offers for you, however.”

“Hmm?”

“I would like to teach you how to use magic.”

“Why?”

“I love teaching, and it would help you out. I saw how you hungrily stared at those runes…” I flinched. “I have a sharp eye, my little pony. Worry not, you’re just curious and have a hunger for knowledge.”

“Well, if I’m gonna learn from anyone, I might as well learn from the immortal princess that’s been around long enough to learn how to be good with magic. Though there’s a second reason.” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I can pick up on details too, Sunny. It comes with game testing.” Celestia giggled. “That’s kinda cute, you gotta stop before I get heartburn.

“You… think my giggling is cute?” Celestia asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

“It’s just been forever since anypony considered any one thing about me ‘cute’...” Celestia giggled again, she is getting very close to giving me heartburn. “Well, it would also help my personal student out as well. With somepony to work alongside with, I am willing to bet that she can… come out of her shell a bit more. She’s not the most friendly or outgoing of ponies.”

“Mmm… Alrighty. Teach me how to use these runes after you can get me to get this,” I tapped my horn. “To work, then I will try my damn best to catch up.”

“Wonderful! I will be giving you a weekly stipend, but I do expect you to find work so it will not be much, just enough for rent and food. Worry not, however, since you are my student, that will be covered. Your classes will be early in the morning, and they will be pretty frequent for the time being; I cannot teach you magic if you never figure out how to use it, can you?”

“Good point. I look forward to the lessons with you, Princess Sun Butt.”

So that was nearly four weeks ago. At first, mine and Celestia’s other pupil were kept separate. This was because of how far ahead her other student was. Meanwhile, Celestia had to help me catch up on geography, history. She was more than thrilled that I was proficient in reading and English, or Equish as ponies call the King’s Language. It took me about three weeks to get caught up, learn how to produce runes, and use Levitation, and then start learning on the third system, which was actually a mixture of runes and the second magical system, that levitation used, that Celly had described to me.

Oh yeah, I’ve been keeping a rather casual relationship with my teacher, since she expressed how nice it was to have somebody that talked to her like a normal pony, so I almost entirely refrain from calling her ‘Princess’ and usually refer to her by name, or by nickname. I still don’t fully know why Celestia wanted me to be her student, despite her reasons given, beyond just being a friend for her other student. Or because she just really wanted to teach an alien how to utilize magic. I have my guesses, but I won’t say anything. Besides, after our usual lessons, we sit down, have tea, and talk about how I’m adjusting to living as a horse in another land.

For instance, Sunny told me that the term ‘horse’ is a bit racist. Mustang is rather rude to say to stallions. Tarpan was a big, big no no. Like you shouldn’t say that ever. I never even knew that Tarpan was a word until that moment, but I at least know when I’m saying something bad. She also told me the basics of mares trying to flirt, no, none have tried. I’ve been told that I’m pretty average looking by Sunshine. Meanwhile, she told me none of the ‘signs’ that a stallion is flirting, so I have no clue if I’m flirting with anyone.

So then I just don’t talk to anyone out of fear.

When she told me these things, I could see the shit eating grin tugging at the corners of her mouth… She is lucky that she’s somewhat adorable when she laughs, or thinks something is funny, or I would be a lot more mad about that. It was great that her laugh was contagious, because I did love joking around a lot, and Celestia seemed all too happy to have a distraction from everyday life.

No matter how terrible my jokes are, or how we both know that my jokes suck.

And since teaching me and checking in on Twilight, the other student took so long, she took a whole day out of her schedule for teaching us separately, and teaching her normal students.

Since that couldn’t work forever, and so she could spend more time with her regular students, mine and Twilight’s tutorage hours were being combined into one.

Twilight probably would’ve needed less help than I would anyways.

Oh yeah, I’ve been working out how to make a new system of magic to try and make casting easier and more efficient(basically a modified Rune System). However, I still barely have a grasp of most rune-based spells, a horrible grasp on the second system, or the ‘physical spells’, or the ‘hybrid’ system.

Those were the names for each system that I gave them. Celestia loved them so much that she tried to make them official.

Rune-Based, due to it being the most popular and relying heavily on runes. Want fire? Spell it out with the Runes provided.

‘Physical’ since most spells are actively channeled into an object or place by the user, in my mind at least. change the temperature of a room? Gotta channel magic into the particles.

And Hybrid since it was a mixture of the two. Want to teleport? Well, you gotta wanna be somewhere, and then you gotta be able to have the capacity to get to that place, and then you gotta write out ‘teleport’ with the Runes from the first system of magic.

There was a miscellaneous category for spells tied to cutie marks. For instance, Sun Butt can raise the sun, but nopony else can. Not without catching fire at least. Some can find gems, specifically because of their talent, so that would fall under that category as well.

My own, would be trying to simplify and minimize how many runes you need. Then say, I wanna teleport? Well, I won’t need to focus too much on the runes, I just have to worry about the power needed to teleport… In theory. I can’t test it yet, since I still don’t have a lot of juice, or all the components(such as a better Rune System to work with). This is clearly an unofficial, incomplete system that I’m still trying to make the fundamentals of in my free time.

Twilight was proficient in all three of these categories and had the magic capacity to boot.

I walked up to Celestia’s private magic study, which was basically a small gym with magic proof walls. There was a little lounge off to the side where we did a majority of the ‘paper’ stuff such as reading. The rest of the room was meant for testing spells until I got the hang of it. Then doing it again until I got quicker and quicker at magic. I took a deep breath and smiled.

Celestia was a good teacher, and generally fun to hangout with, so I was happy to see my new, and currently, only friend on Equus.

I knocked on the door, before letting myself in. Celestia and a lavender unicorn, with a violet mane, that had a pink streak going through it, were loafing on cushions in the lounge section of the section of the ‘magic gym’ as I called the room. There was another, official, name for it, but magic gym made more sense to me. Celestia looked up from her book and smiled. “Good evening, Source, it is good to see you this morning.”

“Howdy Sun Butt,” that was her favorite nickname. “How’s the assoholic nobleponies this week?”

“WHAT!?” The unicorn, who I’m assuming is Twilight, yelled.

“Huh?” I tilted my head.

“First, you’re late! Then you call the Princess that?! And you’re using profanities while doing so!” She yells at me.

“...Celestia’s been super lax with me, she knows that it takes me a bit to get here, since I live in an apartment closer to the outskirts of Canterlot. Also… Sunny never gets mad at me when I call her that.”

“I do quite like the all nicknames you give me, Source; it feels nice to be treated like a normal mare every once in a while. Even if some of the nicknames I’ve received are a bit rude. Such as ‘Sun Butt’.” Celestia said from behind a tea cup she raised to her mouth.

“You said that was your favorite nickname!”

“It is,” Celestia giggled. “I’m just happy that you still call me that.”

“Well, it’s a good nickname!”

“That it is… Twilight, this is Source Code, my newest pupil. Source Code, this is my prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Ah, I’m not number one? We’ve only known each other for a few weeks… and I’m only second best?” We both giggled before I trotted up, did my usual greeting routine of nuzzling her, rubbing up against her, and laying down beside her. I leaned back into the side of her stomach and let a small, contented smile form on my face as Celestia nuzzled the spot between my ears, and

“Well… unfortunately, yes. You are second best.”

“Ah damn. And here I was hoping to show you my notes! I just simplified the Light spell!” I reached into a saddlebag and pulled out my notebook.

“Oh?” Twilight and Celestia said at the same time, eyebrows raised. I flipped open the notebook and showed off runes. I performed them, and boom, my horn’s lit up. You see, a lot of words, such as bright, light, right all had that IGHT. Or a better example: lightING, lightnING, or attackING all had ING. Since Rune Based magic’s runes translated perfectly into the English alphabet, I figured there must be an easier way of producing the three/four letter groupings of runes easier.

And there was.

Celestia looked over my notes, before performing the runes, and then getting light as well. “Huh…”

“I made new runes. Well, a new rune,” I explained. “Runes essentially work via a muscle our horns are attached to, yeah? Simple, tiny little movements. I figured, ‘hey a lot of these spells end in certain spellings’, so I spent the last week coming up with a quicker way of reproducing ALL, IRE, IGHT, and ING. Turns out, there’s a tiny little ‘noise’ made when working the horn muscle. So, I got all horny,” Celestia giggled at that horrible pun. “And made the rune for ‘ight’. It was mostly a matter of combining the movements, or sounds, into one simple movement of the horn muscle. So then I just had to do ‘L’ and then the special rune. I’m still working out the other runes.

“Then, while using synonyms, I can make a spell easier to cast with runes.” I did ‘A’ and ‘L’ and ‘IGHT’. My horn lit on fire, before it quickly died out before I could catch on fire. “Boom, fire spell in three runes. Ohoho! This is just like coding and I fucking love it!” I clapped my hooves with glee as Twilight started looking over my notes before quickly doing what I just did. She hummed and her eyes widened.

“That… is actually rather brilliant,” Celestia planted a kiss between my ears. “That is absolutely brilliant!”

“I only got ‘IGHT’ right now though. Also, because I suck at existing, me doing that ‘IGHT’ rune too much actually gives me a headache. Then again, I get those from just writing with a pen for too long, so that’s not surprising. It probably wasn’t a challenge for you, and it won’t be if you do it too many times.”

“Source, this is still revolutionary.”

“Oh yeah!” I got up and ran towards the ‘gym’ part of the room. I did ‘L’ ‘IGHT’, ‘W’, ‘E’ and ‘IGHT’ and jumped way higher than usual, before touching the ground, landing on my face. “Ow…” I still don’t know how to stick landings with all four of my hooves. Also, I am horribly unathletic. Twilight and Celestia just sat there. They both looked impressed, and a second away from laughing from my faceplant. Luckily, my version of the ‘weightless’ spell made me actually lighter so the landing didn’t hurt as much. It still wasn’t fun, landing on my nose and all. I got up and started rubbing my head, not because my nose hurt, but because I did my custom rune too many times in a row.

Yes, it only took two times in a row to give me a hornache.

Headache inside the head, and a headache on the horn… I want to get kicked in the balls. At least that’ll hurt less after a few minutes. This headache and hornache could last an hour at a minimum. Getting kicked in the balls would also at least be a good distraction for having the Big Bertha of headaches.

We spent the next few hours studying and I learnt something pretty important. Rune Based magic is the easiest type of magic to learn, but probably the weakest. You can use it to make fire, but you can’t use it to suddenly travel back in time, since that was a spell apparently. As you would have to force your will, with ‘Physical’ magic, which would then combine into the Hybrid form of magic… You need really strong magic to do that. Shield spells were surprisingly easy, but making stronger shields took more effort and broke onto the Hybrid system.

I hummed and smiled. “Hey,” I pointed at the shield spell. “There’s an issue with how most shield spells are casted,” I pointed out. “No matter how strong, there’s a way to break them. Celery, can you cast a shield for me, please?” Celestia did as I asked. Probably because I said ‘please’ something she, jokingly, harped on me never saying please when I asked her to do something… God damn ponies.

“So I can just…” I used runes to spell out ‘ shield breaker’ and tapped it with my hoof. It broke.

“You do know that in order to break a stronger shield, you would need more force, right?” Celestia asked.

“But… cast a larger one.” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Fine… please?” Twilight almost seemed shocked at how I was requesting the Princess to do stuff for me. Celestia nodded, before casting a larger spell. “A concentrated pierce,” I did just that, and shuttered at the hornache that it caused. “Suddenly the shield is easy to shatter,” I then dragged my hoof down the shield and it broke. “That doesn’t hurt too much, does it?” I asked.

“Just a little. Worry not, if it takes a lot for me to develop a hornache,” Celestia said.

“I feel bad now, Sunny.” I nuzzled her.

“Stay focused, Source. What is the flaw with shields?”

“No matter how strong the spell, once you puncture a shield, it is very easy to shatter.”

“I’m aware.”

“But what if you used that offensively. Say somebody gets their hoof through a shield, but then you recast it, and then shut it on their hoof?”

“That… would probably cut somepony’s hoof off.” Celestia hummed. “I never thought to try it, since breaking anypony’s shield can either hurt, or incapacitate a weaker unicorn.”

“Cool! Let’s try it-“

“NO!” Both Twilight and Celestia shouted.

“You are not mutilating yourself for the sake of testing a spell!”

I casted a Rune Based pain numbing spell, before jabbing it with a pen. Since I’m not particularly strong, the feather goes through. I then re-cast the shield spell and sliced the feather in half. “Huh. That would work as a really nice apple slicing spell.” I look at the other two. “What? I never intended to cut my hoof off. Mostly.”

Celestia snorted “I saw you considering it, colt.”

“I could find a way to heal it back together!”

“Not if you die from bucking losing all your blood after cutting your hoof off!” She yelled. Twilight gasped. “Stallions… I swear.” She nuzzled me. “You are lucky that you’re a good friend, or I would lock you in a dungeon just to keep you from hurting yourself. First, you decided to do the rune alphabet until you got a horn ache, and then you kept going until you passed out! You bucking idiot! That could’ve killed you!”

“Maybe I want to die.”

“…What?”

“Nothing.”

“…Did?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Do you want to die?!” Celestia yelled.

Twilight just sat, slack jawed at what was transpiring before her. Never before had she heard her teacher, Princess Celestia swear before! Like it was… Almost horrifying. Princess Celestia never raised her voice, or yelled. Yet here she was, yelling at a stallion that just admitted to being somewhat suicidal. About how she'd miss him, or how others might as well.

Source Code just sat there, ears pinned against his head, looking guilty as she gave him many, many reasons to keep him from killing himself.

Source, this stallion’s strange. With how Celestia keeps doting him, it was almost like she was trying to court him. Source, being a typical stallion, is completely oblivious to the fact-Twilight’s eye twitched. Princess Celestia… trying to court somepony? That was completely unheard of! The stallion was happily sitting down, and eating lunch, something that he had packed while reading a book. Twilight decided that, in the coming weeks, she would watch her mentor and her peer a lot closer.

She did study up on the subject once; somepony had to help her brother score a date with… somepony. No, Twilight never learnt who her brother was trying to date.

“Why did you bring your own lunch? Princess Celestia is more than willing to provide one for you.”

“I dunno. I didn’t wanna bother anyone over lunch.” Source said, a mouthful of food made Twilight cringe slightly. “Besides, the castle’s kitchen is really good. I’d rather not spoil myself and ruin a good meal at any random restaurant I go to in the future.”

“Oh…” Twilight nods.

“Source, don’t speak with your mouth open. You could choke.”

“Yes Mom,” the stallion rolled his eyes, before putting his book down. He had long since dropped his magic book for a Daring Do book during the break. “Ma-Darn. This book is a bit underwhelming.”

The lavender unicorn raised her eyebrow at the blue stallion. That was odd… most ponies absolutely loved Daring Do, herself included, and it was widely considered to be a timeless classic. Princess Celestia looked at her new student’s shoulder, and read what page he was on. The stallion closed the book and shrugged. “I’ll be returning this book next week anyways,” he set the light novel down before picking up his ‘basic rune’ book. That got Twilight to raise other eyebrow.

“Why do you not like Daring Do? Even I consider it to be a pleasant read.”

“It’s… kinda flat. I’m a wee bit of a nerd,” the Princess snorted at that. “There were… some authors where I’m from, where they’d make pretty mediocre stuff. I believe you know, since I told ya about it. Illumination…” Celestia nodded, as if she knew what her student was talking about. “Anyways, this reminds me of something that that writer would make. It’s… alright, but it’s not Star Wars.”

“I remember you gushing over that book a week ago.”

“...Yeah… It, and its two sequels, were so good. It’s a timeless classic where I’m from. I can never read it again, but I can still vividly remember every bit.” Source laid his head on his hooves, looking noticeably sadder than he had moments ago. Celestia quickly levitated the stallion over to her, and draped a wing over him. “La Vie Continue,” he leaned into the Princess’s nuzzle. “Thanks, Celly. You’re probably why I’m still sane,” he whispered. Source’s horn lit and he brought his rune book back over to him.

“Do you wish to speak later in private?”

“...I do, but I also don’t. I’ll just drown myself in this,” the blue stallion gestured to the rune book. “It’s… something I can focus on rather than focusing on what I lost.”

“We will discuss this when you are ready; I do not wish to force you into talking if you do not want to.”

“I’ll take you up on that someday, Tia.”

Several hours had passed. Source Code had gone home, leaving Twilight and Princess Celestia alone in a sitting room. As tradition, the two were snuggled up on a cushion. The unicorn had decided to ask Celestia about her newest, private pupil. “So, Princess,” Twilight started. “While I’m not one to question your better judgment, why did you take Source Code in as a student?” She asked. “I mean… He did make a new rune, which in itself is impressive, but in terms of application… he’s not very good. I mean… Doing his own rune twice and he develops a horn ache! Even a foal has better endurance than he does!”

“I brought him in as my student for two reasons, Twilight. For starters, he is not from Equestria, which gives him… another point of view on spell casting. I only took him as a student for four, almost five weeks ago. He barely knew runes, but thanks to his background, figured them out pretty quickly, I’m assuming. Then he figures out how to make casting some ‘Rune Based’, a name he had come up with, spells a little bit easier and a little bit quicker. That alone is worth nurturing; the new Rune alone is revolutionary as you’ve said.

“Another reason is… I can tell that he has potential. Truly, I do. By no means is he a magical powerhouse, nor will he ever with raw strength, but he is very creative as you’ve noticed. I, for one, wouldn’t have thought to use a weight shifting spell to jump higher, or use synonyms to perform the same Rune Spell. Nopony would want to do ‘alight’ over fire, but thanks to the Rune he made, he did, and made a Fire Rune Spell one Rune shorter. For my guards, a single Rune can make all the difference.”

“He is focusing on Rune Based magic… you do understand that…”

“It’s a really easy system of magic, I know. Though I believe Source Code sees it in a different way than we do. I bet that he is trying to come up with a new Rune as we speak to make it even easier.”

I sat down on my couch, staring at my newest foe. I was trying to use Rune Based magic to do something nobody could back on Earth without spending two hundred dollars on a piece of equipment… I wanted to make the perfect toast using a fire spell. I glared down at the slice of bread before me, I glared at it with intent to kill it with fire. I lit my horn and a fireball slowly came to be. It floated in the air, and I grabbed the slice of bread and floated it up to the fireball.

After one side was perfectly golden, I did the other… and then the slice of bread caught fire and became a pile of ashes on my table. I stared at my failure for a few minutes before I brought both my forehooves to the sides of my head. I slowly lowered them towards the bread, and raised them again in a slow, controlled motion. I sat there, continuing to stare at the bread for what felt like another five hours.

My face hit the table as I started groaning… I just wasted half a fucking loaf of bread, and haven’t gotten a perfect slice of toast yet! There’s no toasters in Equestria, so this is important to me! There’s no way there’s an appliance store that has toasters… I tried again before my head hit the table again as a result of my failure. To make matters worse, I did go to an appliance store and found a toaster for ten bits. You can imagine how my night went. I went home with my newly acquired toaster, and simply stared at it…

Before I decided once again to try and make the perfect piece of toast without using a toaster. I just want to experience perfect toast, and I will do it with magic!

...

God, I am going to need a job… Here’s hoping I don’t work in fast food again, if it even exists in Equestria.

Author's Notes:

So, here's my latest story. It may suck, it might be good. All I know is that I felt great while writing this, and once I got started, it was hard to find an end point of the first chapter.

in spirit, this is a rewrite of 'Not So Funny Story', but I wanted to have Source Code to... have an impact on the world rather than simply being some random dude who happened to get friendly with a changeling queen. i tried not making a gary sue. i want Source to be good with magic, but not some god with it like Twilight, or as I've seen some other OCs that happen to be unicorns.

In fact, I want ponies to comment how notably average Source is when it comes to raw power.

and a fun little fact about the design of Source Code, I decided on his coat and mane colors based on BronyDanceParty.

How to Lunch with Sunbutt 101.

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You know, when I got my apartment, I was expecting a bit less given this place was incredibly cheap. It wasn’t much, it wasn’t anything grandiose or anything, but it was a place I lived. It wasn’t home; I don’t want to think of this place as home yet. My bed was… plain, it had white sheets and a blue blanket along with a couple of white pillows on it. Beside the bed, on both sides were simple, brown nightstands with a red lamp that ran off magic, on the left side of the bed. Each one was made of wood, and had one drawer near the top that was only big enough to only fit whatever book you were reading before bed. Below that was another spot that was kinda like a bookcase.

The carpet… was rough. I couldn’t really feel it with my hooves, but it kinda resembled carpet that you’d see in a school building. Boring mixture of dark, blueish colors, rough, not pleasant to walk on or anything. It wasn’t soft, it wasn’t smooth. Luckily, on top of that there was a floor mat that was way fluffier and more pleasant to lay on. In the center of the room, next to the bed, was a studying desk... Kinda. It was more like a small, black coffe table that was made out of… what I think is just colored oak wood. It was cheap, it was shitty, but it was my workspace.

Sitting on it was a candle sitting in a candle holder that had a spot for a thumb to slot in to make holding it easier for some reason. The wax was partially melted from long, long nights of studying. Beside the candle was a pack of candles I had bought… because Candles don’t last long. Beside that was a stack of notes, a copy of the Introduction to Runes, a copy of Will, and the copy of Advanced Magic. They were basically magic books for the three systems of magic. On top of those was my notebook with my own findings when it came to developing my own system of magic.

My saddlebags, dark, brown and actually kinda high quality because Celestia gave them to me. My cutie mark was etched into it with black black leather, that was already beginning to fade. Those were sitting right next to the hallway that led into the front door. My bed was actually really close to the window, and took up a majority of my room. If you came in from the hallway, my bed would be the first thing you see, then my coffe table to the left as you step into it.

I was sitting down on a brown cushion that was next to my coffe table, that kinda sucked, looking through various job application forms that I had just filled out. I wanted to find a job, so I could do something other than sit around and wait for the next lesson I have with Celestia. Since lessons are always on a Saturday, even Princesses get weekends after all, I would get six days to do whatever the heck I want. The problem with that is that I barely had enough money for a loaf of bread, some other foods, and tea. Dreadful, awful tea. Rent and food were technically covered by Princess Celestia, but I ended up using the stipend I got every week on food anyways, since there isn’t much else I can do with it.

There’s no golf, there’s no amusement parks(that I can afford to go to), there’s no sports. I have no friends, so I can’t even go to the bar and have a drink with them. In fact, I don’t have friends, so I don’t have anyone to do anything with. Sure, I could go hangout with Celestia at any time, she would make the time for me, but I didn’t want to interrupt her doing Princessy things, since the day she takes out of the week to tutor me or Twilight sets her back a fair amount when it comes to paperwork and court petitioners.

I could spend some time with Twilight Sparkle, but I don’t think she likes me all that much. I say it’s fair, given that Celestia said that Twilight isn’t the most outgoing of ponies and is the literal embodiment of ‘nerd’. She seems weary of me at least. And also doesn’t like how ‘casual’ mine and Celestia’s relationship is. Celestia… admittedly is the only friend that I have right now, and I treat her as such. Say shit to her face, but then praise her in private or secretly really enjoy her company.

Celestia was more than accepting of this style of approach. I call her an idiot, she then makes me look like an idiot, and then we snuggle up together after a studying session while reading one of her favorite books. Usually it’s a Daring Do book, or one that’s nearly five hundred years old. Usually the five hundred year old books are really, really good. Celestia makes for a really good pillow and has a really soothing reading voice, hence why it’s a tradition that we end nearly every Saturday in her bed chambers next to the fireplace to read a book together.

Sun Butt is a really cool pony, all things considered.

Oh yeah, job applications. I have several, one for a place called ‘Hayburger’s Al’Round’, another for a museum as a receptionist. I have one for just about any job I could think of. Retail, food service, everything shy of being a prostitute was on my table. I had filled each out with my current existing info that Celestia made for me, and was getting ready to go on my rounds to submit every single one into the right places.

And a note from Celestia giving her word that I wouldn’t suck at whatever job I ended up taking. It was copied several dozen times the very moment she heard that I was trying to find a job. She seemed surprised and even teased me about finally ‘not freeloading’ off her money…

Celestia, you are a bitch, and I love you for it.

Well, since I couldn’t really use the post office to send everything everywhere, mostly because I don’t know where it is. I never really went outside of my apartment. I only knew where the marketplace was, since that’s where I got my food, the route to the castle(that isn’t saying much. Every road in this city will eventually take you to the castle), and the route back from the castle to my apartment. With that said, I finally remembered something pretty important.

I’m in a brand new world, a whole new city. I literally am living in a magical world… and I wasn’t trying to enjoy it.

There really wasn’t any way to enjoy it, though. Again, see me not having friends as a reason why. Now, I could go make friends… But there’s a problem with that. We’ll see why while I go out and deliver all these applications. Despite me living in the capital of Equestria… the part of town I decided to find an apartment in… was kinda rough. The rest of the city looked uniform in design, and was usually pretty nice looking. Where I chose to live… reminded me of a generic tiny little motel building. It was the cheapest place I could rent out, and for how cheap it was… it wasn’t awful?

There wasn’t a stove, there wasn’t a microwave since those don’t exist. I got left with a fridge, a basic food pantry, and I had to buy myself a portable, magic stove and oven. Not even a nice one; it was some tiny little thing that I think might catch on fire one day. Hence why I tried making toast with magic. You don’t need cooking appliances if you can magically cook whatever meal you want… I’m out of bread because of that experiment. That bread was supposed to last me a week!

So anyways, I kinda need to get a job so I can have more bread, and maybe an actual apartment.

Genuinely, I think I might get stabbed every time I walk out of my apartment. The other day, I watched some ponies sell drugs to each other and the group gave me some weird looks.

Luckily, four weeks of stipend checks, and only running on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, because of how cheap they are, and… I have about thirty bits that I can spare every week. Yeah, ‘rent and food are included’. More like it’s taken out of my actual stipend check, which is about a hundred bits, and then I’m given the leftovers of the check to pay for food. Rent is forty bits, and I think my groceries are about thirty bits. A little more, a little less depending on the day.

That leaves me with ten bits to use every week. Twenty bits went into my amazing saving system… a cleaned out jar that was used for peanut butter.

My apartment was pretty deep into the ‘rough’ parts of Canterlot. Trash littered the streets, there were cracks in the streets and the sidewalks, why sidewalks exist, I don’t know. Occasionally there was a cracked window, or a shattered roof tile on the ground here or there, or a feral cat running from shadow to shadow to try and avoid ponies. Sometimes I do end up rushing through this part of town, because I genuinely don’t like walking down it at night. It’s why if I end up going to school at Celestia’s place, and I stay late, I’m not above accepting the invitation to stay the night with her. At least she drags me into her bed chambers for snuggles at night.

With me being horribly unathletic, by pony standards, I probably look like something easy to rob. One thing I’ve noticed is that my hearing and sense of smell are way better, which was disorienting at first. However, right now, it feels like a godsend. Because I think some ponies are following me. I took a left turn and… bumped into a huge pony without a horn or a pair of wings… and Earth Pony. He was bright yellow, was kinda rough looking, and was… well, big. His mane was brown, and kinda… messy. He was missing a tooth

“Oh shoot… sorry about running into ya,” I backed away and quickly glanced behind me. There was a pair of pegasi, both had a matching cyan mane and red mane and tail. They were significantly smaller than the earth pony stallion before me. In fact, they were very rough looking mares. I really do not like the sheathed knives strapped to their necks.

“Alright, unicorn,” the earth pony’s voice was… gruff. Like he spent every day of his life smoking a pack of cigs. “What is going to happen here is that you’re going to drop your saddlebags, and you’re going to give us that bit pouch that’s hanging around your neck. And we might consider letting you live.”

“Sir,” I said, trying to put some distance between me and the earth pony. “All I have on me are job applications and whatever I need to get food. I’ve got like… five bits on me, man.”

“What’s a man?” the stallion shook his head. “Look, give me those bits… and my pretty little ladies won’t hurt you. You damn unicorns have it easy in this city; you’re going to pay us whether you like it or not.”

“Mmm…” I really don’t like this. I could use my magic to conjure up a fireball and pound this guy in the face, or I try to outrun two ponies with wings. I took a step back before deciding to do something stupid. My horn lit up as I took my bit pouch off… I slowly started moving it over to the Earth pony.” Then, as quickly as I could, I Runed out ‘SMOKE’ and threw my magic at the ground…. Huh, that actually works as a really good smokescreen. I ran past the stallion before running out a shield spell in case the pegasi decided to try and stab me. As weak as my shields are, it was better to have some form of defense.

“Get back here!” One of the mares immediately tackled me, shattering my shield… only for me to put up another one as soon as we were pinned to the ground. “My stallion said-EEK!” Huh. No matter the species, hit them between the legs, or the hindlegs in this case, and it hurts like a bitch. I dropped my shield spell and quickly grabbed the pegasus lying on the ground and groaning in pain. I pulled her knife out of its sheath before holding up to the mare’s neck.

“Let me go,” I said firmly. I was shaking as adrenaline rushed through my head. “Please just let me go. I don’t wanna hurt her, but I will drag this woman to the Guard, or even to my teacher and let her deal with it.”

“Please, what could a school teacher… Holy Celestia.” I took a whiff of the air… and turned my head back. There she was, in all her glory.

“Oh Sunny! What are you doing out here?” I dropped the mare and the knife.

“I was hoping to come by and pick you up for lunch. What is going on here?” Celestia asked. Her horn lit up… that’s a lie detection spell. “Why were you holding a knife to that mare’s throat…” She looked over the other three ponies, and I immediately could tell that she could already guess what was happening.

“We were teaching him some self defense lessons, your highness!” The other mare quickly said.

“With knives?”

“Yes, yes! This part of town, as you might know, is a rather dangerous part of Canterlot. And your student expressed-”

“They were trying to jump and mug me,” I said plainly. “I was going to use the mare I was threatening as an out.” I shivered. “Fuck…” I quickly scampered underneath Celestia, and she gave me a quick, warm smile, before casting a cold glare upon my three assailants.

“I do believe that we all can move on? You three are lucky that attempted robbery only results in a few days in the dungeons. And you three are even luckier that my student isn’t fully innocent either. Now, go. Leave my student alone, because after this, if you try to mug Source, he is fully authorized to defend himself in any way he deems fit.” The earth pony nodded, before quickly grabbing the mare I had held a knife to, and started running. His other… The other mare ran off after them.

I stepped out from under Celestia and fell on my butt. “Oh god, that was terrifying,” I shivered.

“We have much to discuss. First though, I did want to come grab you for lunch.”

“Why?”

“We barely spend time together outside of our lessons. I have… learnt to not spend all my time on just bureaucracy. I’ve been alive long enough to know that I should set aside time for my friends, and you very easily fit that category. Hence why I was walking out here to find you… To see you threatening a mare with a knife?”

“That wasn’t the right move?”

“It was the only move you could do… you didn’t want to accidentally hurt anypony during that, did you?”

“I could’ve used magic in an offensive capacity, but I knew that a fireball could be lethal. I tried using a smokescreen to try and run, but the pegasus, the one that I was holding a knife to, tackled me… I may have used an underhoof tactic to get into that position. I still don’t feel great about doing that. One slip up and I coulda killed somebody.”

“Well… It really was the only thing you could do, given your inability to teleport and your unwillingness to rely on magic, with good reason, to get yourself out of that situation. Threatening a pony with a knife isn’t legal though… But given the circumstances, and how you didn’t actually harm anypony, I will let you off the hook.” She leaned down and nuzzled me. “When I heard the commotion, on the way here, I may have broken into a gallop. I thought you were going to get hurt.”

“Sorry about making you worry…” I returned the nuzzle.

Celestia actually took all my job applications and said she would be distributing them to all of my potential employers. “So, any progress on your Runes?” Celestia asked as we sat down at some random cafe. I had ordered a weird pastry thing, since Celly was ordering it, and a sugary coffee. Because my friend is a psychopath, she got a black coffee for herself.

The cafe we actually went to was on the edge of the city’s ‘disks’. Canterlot was made of ‘disks’, the higher up on the disks, the more wealthy you probably were. Each one was connected via stairs and lifts… This little coffee shop was on the second highest disk, which was unofficially called the ‘shopping disk’ of Canterlot. We got a seat just by the window, which was actually a booth. It had nice, plush, red couches. It was probably the best spot in the house, since the building was built in such a way so that the windows on the back side of it, gave you a view of the rest of Equestria and everything down below Mount Canterlot.

The view was simply… stunning. In the distance, you can see a small, tiny little town with… hay roof tops next to a forest that was notorious for being the deadliest place on the planet. The contrast was insane. Bright, yellow, hay rooftops and luscious green fields, next to a dark green sea of death. I couldn’t get much else on the view, but seeing the land just fade past the horizon was… very relaxing.

“I realized that…” I did all the Runes that were vowels. “The vowels are actually all really similar to each other in terms of horn movements and the tiny noises our horns produces, when doing vowels, are very similar. It makes combining them easier… Also,” I lit my horn and did ‘F’ and a new Rune, as I finally figured out ‘IRE’ after several hornaches and a lot of trial and painful error. “Fire, two runes,” it was a weak fire spell, since I didn’t want to accidentally burn the cafe that we were eating to the ground. I even summoned a shield around it to snuff it out quicker.

“...Oh my.” Celestia squealed, making everyone turn to the big, immortal princess. “My apologies, everypony. I have picked up a new student as of recently, and he just did something incredible!”

“What is it, Princess?” A Random patron asked.

“My student has… Source Code has been learning how to make Rune Casting much, much easier. Just now, he shortened a Fire Spell’s casting time significantly and has invented two new Runes in the last week.” Everyone here was a unicorn by the way; they knew what Rune Casting was. “He shortened the Fire Spell down to two runes!” Now everyone was staring at me. I chuckled nervously and waved, before slowly focusing on my lunch. Instead of relying on magic to eat, I usually just use my hooves.

There was just something that felt off about holding a sandwich, or a stuffed bagel-calzone! looking thing, in this case, with magic.

My eyes widened when a camera flash went off and I buried my face in my pastry. It was like a mix between a calzone and burrito. It had marinara sauce, nice, stringy cheese, and had… bits of lettuce and tomatoes inside of it. It was pretty tasty. Celestia giggled and planted a kiss on my forehead as another camera flashed in the corner of my eye. “Oh god…” I muttered. I do not like this attention at all. I just want to sit around, discover new runes, and possibly work. I was up all night while trying to figure out that IRE rune over the last week. I slowly lifted my face out of my bagel thing, which was actually pretty good, and wiped my face off with a nearby napkin. “Celly, why did you have to say that?” I whispered.

“Because what you just achieved is incredible. Would it be better if your achievements just existed without your name on them?”

“...Maybe. I’m loving how runes work, and that it’s… like an old hobby of mine, but I’m not trying to be a celebrity. It’s why I asked my friends… to bury my name in the project we were working on, in the credits, instead of referencing me in a dedicated portion of the game.”

“You do look rather cute while you’re flustered,” Celestia hummed.

“Don’t you fucking dare…”

“Everypony, a toast to my student’s achievement!” I think my cheeks were becoming purple, and were becoming hot purple because of all of this rate. As everyone raised their cups of coffee to my… Whatever the heck I’m doing, I felt myself die a little on the inside. I glared at Celestia for a few moments, before just groaning and rolling along with what was happening. I don’t know why what I was doing was such a huge achievement, in all seriousness. I was just making new ways to improve casting spells.

Though I guess I’m not really a unicorn at heart; I don’t know how much harder it is for the average pony to cast a spell, or how much better my advancements were. I was just doing what I loved, and apparently doing a Fire Spell in two Runes was a really big deal… Or Celestia is just playing it up to encourage me to keep working, or just to fuck with me. Either or; she’s more than willing to go both ways just to embarrass me out in public.

We walked out of the cafe, only to be bombarded by a bunch of journalists. For some reason, if Celestia brought guards, they weren’t visible, or doing anything. Because a reporter suddenly got in my face. “What is your name, sir?”

“...Source Code,” I said.

“How is it being Princess Celestia’s personal student?”

“It’s fun, I guess.” Before I could answer in full, another person asked if I was sleeping with Celesita. Somebody asked what size my... equipment was, or how powerful I was with magic. It was question after question. I sat on my butt, breathing heavily as I looked left and right, up and down, before my eyes landed on the one thing that could bring me some form of comfort in this world. I just needed an out, and I needed it now! I tried to inch closer, while working against my tense muscles, to Celestia so she could hide me away from the crowd. I couldn't think straight; my heart was pounding in my head, and all I could think of was the potential safety that she could prove me. When I found her, she was happily answering questions in regards to me, what happened to Twilight Sparkle... I think.

“Twilight is still my personal student, she simply has gotten to a point where my personal input on her learning is… not as necessary as it once was. So I took another student, who shows an exceptional knowledge of Runes, and has come up-oh!” Celestia shot upright when I nipped her.

My friend glanced around to see who would dare nip her in public until she looked down and... immediately laid her eyes on me.

Celestia looked around the crowd once more, since I don't think she immediately saw what I was going through, I could see something playful in her eyes… until they fell upon me again. I was still breathing rather heavily and was trying to... hide under her. In an instant, the playful sparkle in her eyes turned to one of concern.

“Excuse us, everypony. I believe that my student and I are late to our scheduled tutoring hour. We will happily answer questions at a later date; I currently don’t have any dates planned, but it will be considered in the future.” With that, the crowd started parting like the Red Sea as we started making our way through the crowd. I sighed and relaxed a lot more once we took a turn, and a turn into a dark alley. I ploppled my rear on the ground only to be pulled closer to Celestia.

I felt her wing move up and down my back as the world outside the alleyway began to fade away. Celestia didn't make any sudden movements, or even spoke. She just laid down, and slowly coaxed me into doing so as well, and continued rubbing my back. Slowly, I could begin to hear the world around me that wasn't just my heart pounding away on the inside. Soon, the feeling of somebody grooming my mane... made me relax. I let out a long, withering sigh as I finally began to relax... then I heard somebody, no, Celly crying.

Celly was crying. I didn't like that.

“I am so, so sorry, Source,” Celestia whispered. “I merely held a toast in your honor, because of what you have managed to achieve over this last week, and because I genuinely believed you deserved some form of appreciation for your work I should’ve foreseen that group of reports coming out to question us the very moment they saw me sitting, alone, with a stallion. Now… I don’t think you can have a normal, quiet life like I know you were hoping to at least achieve once we’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t go back home very easily, if at all.”

Now I couldn't really stay mad at her, even if she did let things get way out of pocket. I'd rather forgive her than chase off my only friend. I... The way she held her eyes shut while she cried her eyes out... I couldn't stand to see that. “It… it’s fine, Celly. I genuinely did like sharing lunch with ya, even if I didn’t enjoy the toast part… Just please don’t just stand there when you see a whole herd of news reporters trying to question us.” I shuttered. “I don’t think my heart could handle that…” I shook my head. “I am awful at talking to people, because meeting new faces is terrifying. Then I’m in a crowd full of new faces that want nothing more to know more about that weird, socially awkward, skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health.”

“And yet it is still my fault. I am aware of your mental well-being, and your self esteem, and still decided to stand idly while you got hounded by those reporters and outed you in public for something when you want nothing to do with having your name attached to achievements, or to be a household name. I would like to say I’m sorry-Ooof!” I grabbed her cheeks, before nuzzling her on the nose and licking it just to get her to stop. Her panicking over my own well-being isn’t something I want to see, even if it is very endearing.

“It’s fine, Celly. Just promise me you won’t do that ever again.”

“I-I won’t.” I could see a blush forming under my friend's cheeks, which had... black streaks going down them. I know I've seen that look before... but... Meh, she looks cute while blushing. Who woulda figured that the Sun Raising, Demi-God of a Princess can:

Have a cute giggle.

Sneeze like a kitten.

Be cute while blushing.

“I won’t, for as long as I wear this crown, ever make you leave your comfort zone again, Source. I really wanted to spend the day with you, you know.”

“We can go to the castle and read as usual…”

“Or we can play minigolf,” Celestia suggested.

“Want to grab Twilight. It would serve as some bonding time, and hopefully help her relax around you a bit more.”

“Perhaps… If we can pull Twilight away from her studies, we shall invite her along to mini golf.” Celestia teleported a mirror to her. Then looked herself over. I could see some wet mascara go rolling down her cheeks. It had long since dried up, and caked into her face. "Perhaps after we get cleaned up first. You're a bit dirty, and I'm... a mess. Come, I shall carry you to my personal chambers where we can get cleaned up very quickly; we'll need to stop at the castle to pick up Twilight anyways. I nodded along dumbly before I realized...

Why was Celestia wearing makeup? She's told me a few times that she almost never uses the stuff. This was a casual lunch between two bros, even if Celestia wasn't a guy, she was still proper bro material.

I only had a moment to ponder upon Celestia wearing makeup until the alicorn in question slipped her forelegs under my chest, after making me stand up, before taking towards the sky... I screamed like a little... Man! I screamed like a man on the whole flight back to Celestia's home.

Love is Inbound in Five, Four, Three, Two, One.

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So, inside Princess Celestia’s bedchambers. This is probably somewhere many have been in, and definitely somewhere thousands would love to dream to be in. You know, seeing their beloved Sunshine sprawled out on the bed, ready for… Oh who the fuck am I kidding? I can’t even begin to think of my friend getting ready for that stuff of all things. Like yeah, I’m sure she’s bedded a few hundred stallions, or mares; swinging both ways isn’t uncommon amongst ponykind and is widely accepted. Anyways, Celestia was still getting ready, since cleaning makeup is still a pain in the ass, no matter the universe or whatever it’s applied onto. I had previously gotten out of the bath and was subsequently dried off by Celestia before she decided to hog the bathroom. The spot I was laying exactly where I usually lay down when I have to stay in the castle overnight.

The bed… Well, pony beds were usually very similar to human beds, though bigger to accommodate… Well, ponies do tend to sleep on their sides more, so they take a larger footprint when sleeping. Something I’ve learnt is that ponies sleep on their sides, like dogs, if they’re actually sleeping. Ponies share more sleeping positions with dogs and cats than they do with horses… or ponies from earth. If a pony is sleeping on their stomach, they’re usually just napping and are one loud noise from jumping into action. Ponies, mostly foals, sploot, yes, it’s adorable. Celestia usually sleeps like a hen, on her stomach, because it’s the most comfortable for her. Though when I snuggle up with her, she lays on her side and lets me partially use her as a pillow.

Considering my best friend was a literal Princess, her bedroom was pretty minimalistic. It had a purple bed, since purple dye is more expensive than other dyes due to how it’s made. The bed itself was a blanket less, giant, fluffy matt on the ground that looked very unlike a regular bed. For one, it was closer to the ground which made getting on and off the bed really easy. Why the bed was so low to the ground, when the pony that typically lays down in it is super tall, is beyond me. There’s no canopy, like in any of the castle’s guest room beds, probably because if there was, Celestia could easily stab it with her horn on accident. It had a giant, golden pillow that was more like a giant, golden body pillow that was actually sewed into the bed.

It was a really nice bed.

Right in front of the bed was a large, fancy fireplace. Sitting on it was a log holder that was… well, holding logs that were blackened, likely from frequent nights of being used. There was an open chimney thing that spouted smoke towards one of the windows. Behind the bed was a banner of the night sky, the design was simple. Five stars were rising up to a sixth, larger star that clearly had some prominence of sorts. The banner probably had some symbolism, but I’m too stupid to figure out what.

There was a large, open balcony, likely to make raising and lowering the Sun and Moon easier for the Princess. Next to the door was a fake bush.

I set down my book as I heard the door open, since the bathroom was in a different part of Celestia’s chambers, and in came Celestia. She had a plain, white bath towel on her head, and a nicely cleaned face… and more makeup. It was barely noticeable, but I could tell now that a newer, fresher layer had been applied to her face. I, personally, thought she looked fine without makeup, but then again, I think every pony looks fine.

“I’m sorry for taking so long. Makeup is surprisingly hard to wash out of your fur after it gets caked into it,” she used her magic to ruffle the towel on her mane, before pulling it off. Her mane… slowly started working its way back into its usual state. “However, I am now ready to take you and Twilight out for minigolf. Would you like to go retrieve her? I will meet you out by the castle gates if you do. If not, we shall meet you by the castle gates.”

“Eh, I might as well go say ‘hi’ to Twilight Sparkle.” I got up and stretched. “East Tower, right? Top floor?”

“Correct, I will see you two soon!” I walked up, collected a nuzzle from Celestia, and walked out the bed chambers, out Celestia’s regular chambers, and out into the halls of Canterlot Castle.

Every single hallway in this stupid castle looks the same. Red carpet, light blue and lighter light blue in a stripe pattern. Pillars to match that had a blue gladiant that went up the pillars… It was boring. Every door was so… bland, save Celestia’s double doors with her cutie marks painted onto each door. If it weren’t for the guard that’s leading me throughout the castle, I would’ve gotten lost as soon as I rounded the corner. The guards were actually pretty nice to me, since I was good friends with Celestia.

“So,” my escort said, hoping to break the silence. Even if it was unprofessional, guards were very lax with me. “You visit the Princess’s private chambers quite often.”

“Yeah. We snuggle up together sometimes and read by the fireplace. Is that weird?”

“Well, there has been a rumor flying around the castle, I just wanted to know if it was true or not; it’s a bet that’s going down with every guard.” My guard, like any of the Royal Guards, was dressed in golden armor. Blue mane that poked out the helmet that left way too much of the neck exposed, a breastplate that went over the back, and left the underbelly fully exposed. It was something I pointed out, and apparently that armor was more ornamental than anything.

“What’s the rumor?” I asked.

“Everypony in the castle thinks you’re more than just a student in the Princess’s eyes.” I could guess where he was going with that, but I just titled my head like the idiot that I am. “We all think you’re her new consort.”

“I was told that every guard in this castle was debriefed on who the hell, what the hell, and why the fuck I am here. You know that, right?”

“I do, sir. But some ponies are saying the Princess’s standards for mates are quite high, so she uses your ‘backstory’ to cover up the fact that she probably conjured you up with a magical spell.” I snorted at that. “I take it that some of the rumors are wrong?”

“What happened was I woke up in a crater, beaten and battered. I was moved here for some reason. I don’t know why, won’t question why. As for Celestia, if she does consider me attractive, I would be beyond flattered. Especially since she, and many other mares around here, say I’m pretty average looking for a unicorn. Hell, Twilight said I am slightly below average. Talk about hurting my ego, huh?” I chuckled. “But no, Celestia’s a good friend to me, and my only friend in all of Equus. With that said, I am very attached to her.

“It might be because she’s the only thing anchoring me to sanity, it could be because she’s the one constant I’ll have in life. It could genuinely just be the fact that I enjoy hanging out with her. But my brain isn’t a pony’s, my man. If it were, I would probably be head over heels for her,” the guard raised an eyebrow. “That means I would be stoked to possibly be dating Sunbutt,” I explained. That’s a saying that doesn’t pass with ponies since they don’t really have heels. The guard’s eyes widened at that. “Oh please, I could call Celestia a bitch and she wouldn’t give a shit. We call each other names all the time, sometimes it’s super vulgar. I get called ‘bitch boy’ because of how scrawny I am.

“But.. I can probably love Celestia, and definitely do, love her for her personality. I can’t find her physically attractive, I haven’t been nurtured into revering her as a god. I simply love her as a friend. If I find out she wants to date, hey, I’m down; me sleeping with a pony is the least weird thing humans have slept with. I know a dude who… tried sleeping with a vending machine.” The guard chuckled at that. “Yeah, humans are fucked up pieces of shit. Long story short though, no, I’m not making Celestia make sexy sounds… yet.”

“Dude! You can’t talk about the Princess like that!”

“What? You wanted an answer, and I gave you one. Celestia just wants a cuddle buddy; having one of those is actually pretty vital to a happy pony, according to some of the psychology books I’ve read. And I don’t mind being the cuddle buddy if it means I get to use a fluffy horse as a pillow.”

“Dude, you just called Celestia a slur.”

“I call her that all the time. She then calls me a random human slur that I’ve told her. No clue what any of the said slurs means, but Celly will throw a random one at me every time I accidentally call her a horse.”

“...You’re corrupting her.”

“Mmm… probably. However, I don’t think she’s complaining about having somebody to relax around. She has to keep up this ‘I am perfect, I am pretty, I am the princess’ act so much that I’m surprised she hasn’t broken down and lost it in public. Gotta commend her for her self control.”

“...Dammit.”

“You lost the bet?”

“Yeah… half of the entire guard ended up putting some bits into the pot. We all thought you two were dating.” Sucks to suck, my dude. Sucks to suck.

Stairs, I hate you. Why was Twilight’s humble abode at the top of a tower? Well, I don’t know, but I would like a word with whoever thought that was a good idea. The room was rather big, of course it was, it was meant to hold Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s protege. Honestly, she deserves this special treatment; she is, by my understanding, the most advanced unicorn in every single system of magic. Whereas I am only decent with Runes and making new Runes, Twilight could very easily wipe my mind, if she knew how, perform rituals that usually take several dozen unicorns to perform, on her own. The third, harder system of magic is something she excels at, and is only second to her own teacher.

I could be happy with Twilight being leagues better than me, especially since she was actually born as a unicorn, and was genuinely talented. The problem I have with Twilight is that I know she doesn’t like me all that much, and she is a bit of a dick even if she did like me.

The room of the tower was pretty open, being lined with bookshelves of all sorts. The downstairs section of the tower was clearly the living space, with her bed just off to the side of the door and in its own slot. There was relatively an opening in the wall that led to a balcony with a very fancy, albeit, outdated looking telescope. Beside that was a smaller bed, likely for her number one assistant, and adoptive draconic sibling, Spike. There was a very open upstairs that was practically a small library, even if it was bigger than some libraries I’ve seen on Earth. The stairs leading up to the library/upstairs portion of the room was a long, spiraling staircase at the back wall of the room that slowly went up and round until it eventually reached the room above. Above that was another floor that was basically just an extension of the second floor’s library.

Despite Twilight’s room being… the room of a young adult mare, it was pretty bare of anything beyond the books, or the studying desk just right of the staircase when you make it upstairs and into the library portion of the room. Obviously everything was very nice, there were a few fake potted plants, and some of the windows had painted glass that was covered in stars. It was… boring and lacked personality. It was incredibly neat, but that was it. I know I was one to talk, given that my room was just as lacking in personal touch, but I had an excuse.

I was basically broke.

Twilight was sitting on a purple, very plush couch in the center of the room, reading a book, apparently it was lounge time for her, in her own made up schedule. Spike was sitting on the couch beside her reading a comic book. He looked up from it when he heard the door close. “Oh, what’s up dude!” The dragon hopped down from his spot after setting his comic book, one called Power Ponies, and walked up to me to greet me.

“Hey little man,” I stuck my hoof out and we brofisted. I walked over to the couch and took a gander at what Spike was reading. “Ah, Power Ponies. I always see those at the library, but never grab them. Are they any good?”

“Oh heck yeah it is! This is the one where Fili-second races against time to save Maretropils from blowing up!”

“Mmm,” I hummed, looking it over. “Man, what would I do to read a comic from my home again. I was a pretty huge nerd, believe it or not.”

“How? You’re so cool-”

“Spike, I… I’m cool?”

“Yeah dude. Despite how you suddenly appeared out of nowhere, you are really good with magic, and you’re so… nonchalant about it. It’s cool to see somepony to never flaunt how good they are at their special talent.”

“Pfft, me? Good at magic? I can just about able to do Runes without hurting myself.”

“Dude, do you know who I am the number one assistant of?” I nodded. “You’ve made your own Rune dude. That alone is really hard. And then you’re good with Runes, and passable in the other magical systems that exist.” That is a little generous, with ‘passable’ in the other categories, but cool. “And you seem to have an affinity for fire spells, for some reason, with you trying to shorten them and all-”

“Ahem,” Twilight coughed. “Source, not that I am not glad to see you, but why are you here?”

“I uh… Celestia and I just got back from having lunch at a little cafe somewhere in town. After some… complications-”

“She expelled you from her teachings?” You don’t have to sound or look so eager, Twilight.

“No, she bathed me, she cleaned makeup off her face, and we both decided to go play some mini-golf. I was gonna invite you and Spike, since I figured you two would like a break from constantly studying, but if you wanna be a dick muncher,” Spike had to withdraw a laugh. “I can just take Spike with me and Celly; she really would like you to come along, Twilight. Just come along and pretend to like me for your mentor’s sake? We both hate each other, let’s be completely clear with that, but we both do cherish Celestia, right?”

“Of course I do! The Princess is like a second mother to me.”

“And Celly’s my best friend. I want her to have a good time, not sit awkwardly and watch the two of us bicker all day. So c’mon, we have some holes to fill,” I said with a bit of edge in my voice. I knew exactly what I was doing with that innuendo. “Celestia would love having some holes filled too, so perhaps the three of us-”

“Source Code!”

“Okay, yeah, that was too far. I don’t think I could imagine having sex with Celestia. She’s too… Well, amazing, honestly. I don’t think I stand a fat lick in hell’s chance at dating her.”

“...What?”

“What?”

“But with how you two are acting around each other…”

“Twilight, he’s a bro; we’re all dense and a bit stupid.”

“Spike, send a letter to Princess Celestia.”

The four of us were sitting in Twilight’s tower’s living room. Celestia came up after Spike sent a letter to him, and apparently Celestia chose to take her sweet time coming up. So while we were waiting, I spent the next six minutes begging Spike to show me how to do that, before grumbling about how much cooler dragons were. Of course, I had Spike shoot some more fire beforehand while running a diagnostic spell, the one spell in the Hybrid system that I could perform reliably, before nodding.

I see how it’s doing what it does… Now I just gotta figure out how to recreate that.

Back to us, Celestia was laying on the couch, with me snuggled up under one of her wings, while Twilight and Spike sat on the other side from us on a couch that wasn’t there before. “So, you two aren’t dating?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at us.

“I don’t think we are,” I hummed. “I feel like I would’ve noticed by now, but I’ve never really talked to women before, so…”

“Women?” Twilight asked. Fuck.

“Mares, I’m sorry for using synonyms.”

“They aren’t!”

“Twilight, why would it be such a big deal if the two of us were dating?” Celestia asked.

“Because for all we know, he could be a spy from another country! His personal records only go back to five weeks ago! He clearly shows no respect for you, if he’s calling you ‘Sunbutt’.”

“I respect Celestia a lot, madam. Heavily so, but I still respect her desires to be treated like she was any other person you’d meet on the streets. It just happens that that random person I bumped into on the streets is pretty cool, and pretty nice. Despite how much I call her stupid… Or how much she makes me feel even dumber after playing a simple trick on my stupid ass.” I leaned back and nuzzled Celestia with my cheek. “She’s great, honestly. I doubt that she’d be interested in dating me.”

“But she keeps nuzzling and nipping you! She’s wearing bucking makeup! She has her wing draped over you right now! Heck, she grooms you whenever I turn my back for just a few seconds!”

“So?”

“That’s what mares usually do to court stallions. She’s only done a mixture of earth ponies and pegasi courting gestures-”

“Why do you know this?” I asked.

“I had to tell my old foalsitter about my brother once, and then she started doing the same things Princess Celestia’s doing to you right now.”

I slowly turned my head and looked up at Celestia. “You didn’t tell me this?”

“I thought you would’ve figured it out on your own, after all those body language books I sent home with you as your first homework assignment.”

“Darn,” I chuckled. “I thought you told me everything. I thought you were just being affectionate; ponies in Equestria are a lot more affectionate than I am used to anyways, so I figured best friends just nuzzled, wing hugged and cuddled together… I didn’t accidentally say ‘I love you did I’?”

“You falling asleep on me several times is a form of flirting; it means you’re comfortable around me.”

“...How do you not know this stuff, Source Code?”

“I’m not a pony,” I answered plainly. “I’m a being from another world, that ended up as a pony. Pony body language isn’t something I know off the top of my head, Twilight.”

“...Huh?”

“I’ll tell you later, Twiggies, the adults are speaking.” Spike snorted at that. Twilight’s biologically older than I am by a year.

“So Celly, you’ve been trying to court me the whole time?”

“I have… It’s why I put makeup on in the first place. I wanted our first date to be a special occasion; I don’t dabble with makeup often, unless it’s for special occasions to me personally.”

“Huh…” I nuzzled her. “Well, I would be seen as a bit of a weirdo, dating a pony and all.” I hummed. “Why were you trying to court me anyways?”

“Well, you’re very average looking,” she hums. “But I do enjoy how average you look, and your coat’s shade of blue is rather pleasant to look at. Your mane compliments nicely, and despite what you say, I would say you’re an intelligent, young stallion…” I know my looks aren’t the main thing, but I could see Celestia, and even Twilight look me up and down as she said this. Celestia was looking at me with a bit of possessiveness in her eyes. “But most importantly…” She licked my cheek. Now that I know what that seemingly innocent, friendly gesture was, I felt my cheeks start heating up a little. “Oh, you look so cute when you’re blushing!” Celly squealed.

“But I love how you don’t treat me like my ponies do. You’re willing to call me out when I’m being stupid, in your eyes. You have no fear of me, despite knowing what I am fully capable of. You… admittedly, are one of the few escapes I have in Equestria from me being a Princess. I do genuinely love my position, but sometimes having somepony around to make me feel normal is rather nice. The way you joke around me, the fact that you aren’t inherently rude, but is in fact ‘rude’ is quite nice after having several hundred ponies praise you or treat you like a deity everyday.” She nuzzled me. “Your flanks do look rather nice when you walk, by the way.”

“...Holy shit, how does this happen?”

“What?” Celestia asked.

“I get zapped by something, wind up in another universe… and end up accidentally making a Princess like me.”

“Indeed you have; all by being your dumb, braver than intelligent, self.”

I slowly raised my hooves to my head, took a deep breath, and lowered them. I did this about thirty or forty times.

“Are you going to have another panic attack?” Celestia asks. “Or do you not like me in such a manner?”

“No,” I took another deep breath. “Purely based on your personality, Celly, you are my type of girl, I guess. Funny, smart, always at least chuckles at my jokes… I never dated anyone back home, but I know I would simply love having somebody listen to my stupid jokes, or just to hangout with. You certainly fit that bill… And you’re admittedly adorable. You sneeze like a kitten! How could I not find that precious!” Hah! Now it was Celly’s turn to be blushing. “Sun Butt, I would honestly be honored if you want to date me. I’m sure in time I’ll be the one complimenting your flanks…” I took a deep breath before making up my mind up. Fuck it; she ain’t human, but I’m not human anymore either. . “Fuck it, Celly. We both like each other, and we’re apparently each other’s ‘types’. You only live once, and I only live for so long… Let’s actually plan out a proper date at some point.”

“YES!” Celestia pulled me into a hug and started showering me with kisses. “Though that is for later, admittedly. After you suggested taking my student and her assistant along, I do wish to just spend some time with the three of you while we leisurely play mini-golf.”

“Fair enough. Flowers are what are usually brought to dates, right?” I asked.

Celestia simply giggled. “I’ll walk you through a date when we get to it; flowers are a part of it though.”

“Aight…” I nuzzled her. “Love ya, Celestia.”

“That… is the first time you just called me Celestia and not some dumb nickname, or Princess to ‘take the piss’ out of me.”

“Hey, if I’m saying I love you, I want it to be genuine. It doesn’t sound very genuine if I’m saying ‘Love ya, Sunbutt, does it?”

Celestia was struggling, yes, struggling, to keep her excitement bottled up. Currently, it was neck and neck for mini golf, Spike and Source Code were tied with each other, and often only pulled ahead of the other by a point or two. Celestia found herself in second place, leaving Twilight in deadlast. A rule for mini-golf was ‘hooves only’. Twilight, bless her heart, was very reliant on magic, so she wasn’t exactly suited for mini-golf. She probably would’ve been sitting on the bench, next to Celestia, while fuming, if it wasn’t for one question she clearly had in mind.

Right now, she was watching her stallion’s hips sway as stood on his hindlegs, as he lined up a shot. The hole they were currently on was a complex one. Spike had just messed up and hit his ball into a water hazard that was just behind the generic windmill hazard. The way his tail wagged, the way that Source put his all into his strong, though gentle, strokes. It was the last hole… Oh how she loved her stupid, too dense for his own good(though not entirely his fault). The fact that, despite definitely all the reasons that probably went up in his head… He considered her age, or rather, her permanently stagnant age. He knew that they didn’t have all the time in the world to figure out if the two would truly make a good couple…

She’s going to have to make sure he knows that he won’t need a job now; he’ll officially be her consort, even though they aren’t married yet. So he’ll be living in the castle, likely in her quarters, where all his needs will be taken care of. After all, Source Code was seemingly stressing over getting a job if his huge pile of job applications were saying anything about his view on having a job or not. Perhaps she can give him a job in the castle if he still desires to work, even if working is entirely pointless for him.

There were a few things she needed to work out with Source though. Namely his attitude towards living life in Equestria; he’s half-admitted to being possibly suicidal on numurous occasions.

“Princess, do know that you have to worry about Source eventually… and purposefully hurting himself?” Twilight asked. The two of them were sharing ice cream while Spike was kicking her coltfriend’s flanks for beating him at mini-golf by one point. They had been discussing the implications of the two dating. “And… while I may not exactly like Source Code all that much, I can admit that was partially why I didn’t like him; I was rude and he was being rude back. And as much as I don’t like him, I don’t want to see him kill himself.”

“I am aware. However, I believe Source and I are fairly similar in the fact that we like to drown ourselves in our work. Perhaps… Source does it for different, and unhealthy, reasons, but we do enjoy making the day pass on after a long day of working.”

“What do you mean, Princess?”

“Source Code drowns himself in work to drown out his… less than stellar mental health.”

“Oh…”

“Twilight, control your dragon!” Both mares turned to Source, who was laying on the ground with Spike ‘attacking’ the back of his head. The stallion had clearly given up, more than likely so he wouldn’t hurt the baby drake on his back, and was just taking the beating.

“But I thought you two were ‘bros’,” Twilight said, making air quotes with her hooves.

“NOT WHEN THEY BEAT YOU IN ANYTHING BY LITERALLY ONE POINT!” Spike shouts.

“It’s not my fault your ball fell in the water hazard!”

Both Mentor and Student shared a look, before chuckling.

“Stallions.”
“Colts.”

“Hey, Celly! Save your poor boyfriend, please!” Source pleaded, giving his newly acquired girlfriend some surprisingly pitiful puppy eyes. Celestia stared at them for a good five seconds before shaking her head with a smile on her face. She Levitated Spike off of her coltfriend before setting the raging drake on the bench. The stallion quickly dashed up to the bench, despite it holding his archnemesis, the angry, baby dragon, and hiding on the other side of her. At least her stallion plays the part; mares are usually the dominant sex in most heterosexual relationships after all.

“Thank you,” Source whispered, before licking her right wing… She flinched away.

“Source! Not in public! You don’t want to make me drool and fall asleep on a bench in the middle of a mini-golf course?”

“Can I do it for you before bed?”

“Of course you may. You better not head home tonight after you knock me out; I demand my snuggly stallion now that the two of us are officially dating.”

“You got it, Boss!” Source said, leaning into his girlfriend’s shoulder while the two of them started smiling at the future that is likely to come.

Author's Notes:

i was gonna slow burn Celestia and Source Code becoming a couple, but figured this would be better for a few reasons. For starters, Celestia ain't gonna mess around when it comes to lovers; aside from this one instance, I'd like to believe she's loud and clear with what she wants. Two, I have Source and Celly's relationship build and bloom as every chapter rather than go 'haha MC no sex drive, so he no find cute girl attractive'.

That's the main reason actually. I don't like seeing stories beat around the bush when two characters like each other, but then spend like six hundred chapters before they figure out that they do, in fact, love each other and start dating. So I wanted to do something different from that. It may seem a little quick, but I wanted to also used this to build onto Source's character.

Python

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I felt my pillow moving up and down in a slow, rhythmic motion. It felt… nice. It feels strangely warm as well. You know, if I had a pillow like this, pleasantly warm, but not too hot, not too soft, not too firm, I would probably have slept better all the time. I started trying to grab said pillow when it started slipping out from under me. “No…” I groaned as the pillow fully escaped my feeble attempts at trying to keep it under my head. This resulted in a ‘floomp’ as my head hit the mattress below. My eyes shot open to… I’m in Celestia’s room. All I remember from last night is going mini-golf…

Did I fall asleep on Celly while we were just chilling on a bench? Probably.

Celestia herself was standing on the balcony, wings fully spread, looking like she didn’t just get up. Her horn was glowing a beautiful, gold as the Moon went down and the Sun came up shortly afterwards… I think My brain is becoming more of a pony’s brain than I realized. The way her body started glittering as sunlight started reflecting off her perfect, flawless white coat… Her wings, thanks to how reflective feathers already are, on top of the color of them… Celestia was literally glowing in her own sunlight. It was… breathtaking to say the least. Her mane and tail flowed ever more radiantly and started sparkling even just a little bit as sunlight shined through them.

How the fuck did I manage to make her fall in love with me again?

My marefriend slowly turned around, catching my probably ‘borked brain’ look. She giggled as she walked… I hate my new body; my brain may not know what makes a pony attractive, but apparently my body did. Because Celestia, like the god damn troll she is, started walking with a lot more sway in her hips. What do my eyes do, on their own? Follow them like a cat does while it’s playing with string, or a mouse. I hate my body’s hormones. They’re almost controlling my brain… Oh god, do ponies have stronger primal instincts than humans? Because I swear, I did not find Celestia that pretty until just now.

“I take it that you enjoyed the view?” Sun Butt asked as she laid down next to me… when did she get there? She draped a wing over me and pulled me closer. “Don’t worry if you did; you weren’t the first to wake up, after successfully ‘scoring’ me, and being mesmerized by watching me raise the Sun. However, you are the first pony with the mind of something that isn’t a pony to do so. I thought you said your human brain wouldn’t find me physically attractive.”

“I… I don’t know,” I felt my ears droop. “It could be hormones; those can severely affect how something on Earth acts. Some animals kill each other just because they saw a pretty female of their species and they wanted to mate,” I laid my head down. “Humans weren’t like that at all though… for the most part. I mean, we still got possessive if we saw somebody we thought was pretty and was actually dating them. I don’t know of anyone that let their hormones get so bad that they killed somebody over them, but I could be wrong…” I looked Celestia in the eyes. “Is it normal for a stallion to… lose themselves while staring at a pretty lady?”

“It is, yes.”

“Okay, I guess that’s not too different from human teens, I guess. A teenage male could probably stare at a pretty girl and lose themselves for hours… I think. That’s what all those horrible school-life movies did at least, so I could be wrong… If those are accurate somehow, then I guess I am permanently as horny as a human teenage male.”

“That is a possibility, or perhaps you’re becoming more accustomed to pony life?”

“I might… Though I’m struggling to keep moving forward sometimes. Whenever I’m with you, I can sometimes forget that I’ve left my home behind, against my will, and ended up here. I’mma be real, sometimes I do wonder if I should just die,” I lifted my head slightly and nipped Celestia. “However… Now that I have somebody to live for, I might have a new reason to keep marching forward.”

“You’ll…”

“I’ll try to force down any thoughts I have about ending myself… for now. I ain’t gonna leave you alone-”

“Okay, that was almost perfect,” Celestia glared at me. “Ain’t isn’t a word, you little idiot.”

“Hey now, slang and the English Language are two sides of the same coin!”

“And slang isn’t a language, now is it?”

“...No ma’am.”

“So what were you going to say?”

“I’m not gonna leave you alone, Celly.” I say almost sadly.

“Perfect!” Celestia started grooming me, which made me entirely forget that Celestia actually just stopped me, broke into teacher mode, and tried to give me a lesson on Equish, and why slang is a sin. God I love this woman.

“A little to the left?” I asked. I cooed when Celestia did get a little to the left and get that itch that’s been killing me since five minutes ago.

About a week had passed and I was sitting in the magical tutorage room, since I don’t think I’ll be hearing back from any employers any time soon, staring down at something. After I had managed to run a diagnostic spell on Spike’s dragon fire. I had already gone and borrowed Spike for the day from Twilight, who was actually treating me nicer by the way, and I think I had written out how his dragonfire works. Right now, I was staring down at my notebook and trying to work out how to write it down into Runes.

I’ve been trying to figure this all day for the last few days.

“I don’t know why you’re so focused on trying to figure this out, dude,” Spike said, hopping up on the cushion beside me. He actually cuddled up next to me to read what I was trying to write. I was able to work out the first set of Runes in DragonFire.

“Spike, because of this,” I gestured towards the spell I was trying to work out. “Ponies that have access to a unicorn will be able to send messages to run another in seconds while the pony they’re sending to is on the other side of the country. Imagine being able to talk to Twilight while she’s all the way in Manehattan while you’re sitting here in Canterlot. And Twilight can respond. On top of that, I could use this,” I pointed at a gem on the table. “And make it so as long as it’s charged, you can send messages… or say a magical box of matches that does the same thing. The only two creatures in Equestria that can send messages instantly are you, and Celestia. Twilight can only do the same because she’s basically your older sister.”

“That’s true, but won’t I be pointless if you figure this out?”

“No Spike, you’re basically Celestia’s kid, and you’re literally Twilight’s adopted little brother. If nothing else, your ability to find the right book is very important to Twilight, and she’ll keep you around to send messages even if she could probably do the same if I figured this spell out…” I chuckled. “I may use this as a way to make bits, honestly. Sell a match box, that when you strike a match on it, it makes DragonFire. Keep the spell secret, make some bits, boom.”

“That… does sound like it would make a lot of bits.”

“It would, and I’d probably give you some royalties given that you’re helping me with this simply by doing it over, and over, and over so I can run a diagnostic on it.”

“Hey, it’s no problem dude-”

“You’re technically working with me on cracking the code here, my little dude, I’m going to at least compensate you. Even if you don’t want bits from this, say the word, and I’ll buy you every single copy of Power Ponies that I can. Or if you find a limited edition of any comic you want, just ask and I’ll slide you the bits if this idea takes off.”

“Honestly bro,” Spike chuckled. “Uh… I would feel weird taking even that from you. Look, you’re the one doing all the hard work in decoding what’s in DragonFire, but I’m just sitting here and occasionally shooting fire whenever you need it.”

I got the first sentence of Runes! “Oh fuck yeah, hold on…” I ran the spell and green fire ticked… though it only shot out green fire. I raised an eyebrow. “Damn,” I thought of Celestia and ran it by again, but this time used it on a note that basically said ‘see you at ten tonight…’. Yeah, Celestia may be wearing the pants in our relationship, but I’ll be damned if I don’t treat her to something I cook up myself… After I raid the royal kitchens first. It disappeared. Soon, Spike burped up her reply. I immediately ran a diagnostic spell and then quickly wrote down everything I got from it in English.

“Huh…” I paused. “That is way simpler to do than I thought it would’ve been…” I paused as I read over the notes. I sent another letter and told Celestia what to do. Soon, I burped, my horn lit up on its own, and then a scroll fell from above my head. I opened it up… “Dude,” I stared at the note Celestia had just sent me; I haven’t even opened it yet. “I just cracked it.”

“You did,” Spike and I slowly looked at each other before brofisting. “You did it dude! That’s pretty awesome!’

“It is! Holy shit! I didn’t expect to do that so soon!” I laughed and clapped my hooves. “Oh my god! I have to figure out how to make it so a match box can do this! And maybe remove the belching part… or leave it. Ponies don’t really care about the belching part anyways, so I’m assuming that part won’t be a deal breaker compared to being able to talk to their Mom from halfway across the country.” I got up and started shaking before I accidentally slammed my hooves on the table, which while I’m not very strong, I am still a horse. Horses are still strong even if they’re not ‘super’ strong. I don’t wanna break the table and all.

I started hopping up and down as I started laughing. “Oh, I am so gonna convert that to my own Rune system so that I can make casting it easier! Hoho, that is going to take all month, but it is so, so it's gonna be worth it!” I laughed as I hugged my lovely, borrowed, dragon assistant. “Thanks man! Oh my fucking god this is so cool!” I casted the letters that Celestia sent. One was the ‘why am I doing this’ from my second letter. The other was Celestia saying all of the funky stuff she would do to me, if I wanted her to do that funky stuff to me, and other fun stuff that made me blush. Oh yeah, I am going to make a vegetarian lasagna for Celestia after reading that.

“C’mon man, let’s go raid a market stall for some snacks and just relax somewhere; I say we both deserve it after all the work we put in over the last few days.”

“You bet… Will I need to bring my own bits? I know-”

I burped up another letter.

Source Code, what the buck did you do? Why did Spike send me a letter that you wrote twice?”

I sent another letter telling her what I just did, and I burped up another one, resulting in a hornache… Okay yeah, I can’t do that very often. This spell apparently is not for constant writing back ponies, like texting was on Earth, but it’s still more practical than just waiting a week for a letter. Or hours if you have a pegasus rush across the country with an urgent letter.

I just found out how to use DragonFire without the dragon. Me and Spike are going to go grab a drink, well, I am gonna get a beer. Spike’s probably gonna get apple juice. See you at dinner.

Moments later, a bit pouch, full of bits, and a letter from Celestia saying she is jittering and on the verge of dancing in the middle of an important meeting over my accomplishment soon followed. Get yourself and Spike something nice to drink. Give Spike some nice apple juice, do not give him any alcohol, or you’ll sleep on the couch tonight, and then I’ll tell Twilight why her little brother is having a hangover the next morning. Like I was gonna give a kid some booze, c’mon Celestia!

“We got the okay, and I got some bits. Let’s go man.”

We went ended up going to a Hayburgers Al’Round, which was basically McDondalds with less suicidal employees. The burgers were made out of hay, and still tasted pretty good. The fries… were made of hay. The drinks… were made of drinks. I was actually surprised to see soft drinks; this is the first time I’ve stepped into a Hayburger, and honestly it was quite nice. We ended up buying a lot of food, and just having a gander at everything since Spike never had Hayburger himself beyond the AlNugget, or the hay version of a McNugget. We sat down at our table and took a nice, long, deep breath.

“Thank god nobody remembered who the hell I am,” I said with a sigh of relief.

“Why’s that dude? Wouldn’t being famous be fun?”

“No. Notta. I am awful at being in large groups of ponies. I am just terrible at handling social situations that involve more than one other person. I’m a simple stallion, Spike, I like my time alone. Sometimes I prefer it. I was with T a week ago, sitting in a cafe somewhere. Celestia was planting kisses, nuzzling me, and overall just being ‘friendly’ in my mind. I didn’t know she was trying to court me and stuff… Uh, there were so many reporters and ponies staring at me that I couldn’t think. I could only think of trying to get out of that situation… I immediately went to Celestia for protection and she immediately took me into a dark, quiet alley to try and calm me down. I don’t think I could handle actually being famous and getting anywhere near as much attention as Celestia does.”

“And then you go and start dating her anyways?”

“...Yeah. I can handle dating Celestia, I just hope she either doesn’t make our relationship public, or does a really good job at keeping me away from the crowds. With how I’ll eventually either be helping her with paperwork and court, or just standing by her during events, I know I’ll have to face the crowds eventually. However… I don't think I would be able to right here and now. I just wanna live my life out and try to enjoy the second chance I was given in life.”

“That’s fair dude,” he looked over the table covered in food. “Why did we order all of this food again? We can’t possibly eat all of it in one sitting.”

“We can eat what we can now and eat the rest of it throughout the week. It’s fast food; it’s meant to be tasty after all. It’ll be hard to find something here that neither of us will like.”

“Good point. I can use some of this to feed Twilight; she sometimes forgets to go get herself some food while she’s studying.”

“I can see that happening,” I grabbed a random Hayburger, the Hay Mac, as it’s called. “For now, let’s just go out in this blaze of glory, eh dude?”

So, you may be wondering how I managed to figure out DragonFire’s message sending capabilities. You see, it was pretty simple; it was just Fire, a teleport spell, and then a rebuilding spell all rolled into some green fire. So, I used my custom IRE Rune to make Fire easier to cast, and proceeded to spend the next few days figuring out the teleport spell, and then the rebuild spell. After some painful hornaches, and hours of labor, I had DragonFire figured out. What I didn’t tell Spike was, due to how I had to use my own Runes, my hotspotched, shortened equations(I’ll get into magical equations later), it was actually the first spell of the magical system I’m developing.

It’s based entirely on the fact that I have horrible raw magical strength. I think I’ll tell Celestia about my magical system at our dinner.

A couple of hours later, I gave Spike the remainder of our hundred bit order, since I only had one sandwich and a thing of hay fries. It was alright, honestly. It wasn’t great, but my idea of how a burger should feel in the mouth, and my own personal preference towards chicken before I became a pony might have affected how much I enjoyed Hayburger. On top of that, hay fries are a sin, and I do not care, I am making vegetarian lasagna and fries the proper way; the human way some may call. Some humans may use sweet potatoes in their fries, which is also a sin, but people with souls and morals usually use potatoes when making fries.

Spike actually really liked a lot of the things on the menu, especially Twilight’s apparent go to, the quarter pounder with extra cheese.

Since I had a few hours to spare before I had to start getting dinner prepared for Celestia, I walked into the royal kitchens where I came face to face with the head chef of the royal kitchen staff, Chef Beet. “You want to interrupt my cooking so that you can make a meal for Princess Celestia?” She asked. She was a light brown, earth pony mare. She adorned a typical, white, mushroom shaped chef hat, and wore a white, button up chef jacket. Since ponies absolutely hate pants, the typical black pants were completely missing from her outfit.

“Well, I just started dating her. I figured it would do well if I were to take the lead in our relationship and choose our first date. I wanted to make her dinner; a lasagna if you will. It’s a family recipe that my Dad used to make all the time. If you give me my own space, and don’t mind me using some of your own ingredients, then I’ll stay out of your way when it comes to making everypony else their meals; I get that you got a whole bunch of snobs to cook for, after all.”

“Oh, so you’re that stallion that everypony is saying is sleeping with the Princess. I take it that those rumors are true?”

“...We haven’t had sex yet, no. But we are dating now, and Celestia insisted that all my stuff from my old hotel gets moved into her private chambers… So about me making me and Celestia our first ‘proper’ dinner together? I haven’t been able to have one with her since my sleep schedule is so different from hers.”

“I’ll letcha do it; you’re basically our boss now if you’re dating the Princess; you’re basically a consort now, after all. I do have a request for you, though.”

‘What is it?”

“Let me watch you prepare the lasagna. It’s something I’ve never heard of, and frankly, I want to see how it’s made.”

“Sure thing. Got any leftover noodle batter you don’t need, chef? It uses a type of noodle, but I don’t know if you have it if you asked to watch me make lasagna.”

“Of course! Anything else you’ll need, and we’ll provide it!”

Upon being given my requested ingredients, I set my eyes on the prize, and was even given my requested pot of oil and a few potatoes. My smile grew when the unused noodle batter was given to me; I didn’t even need to actually make the noodles… Score! Chef Beet watched me over the next hour and a half, watching me make tomato sauce, the mixture of veggies I was making, and even noting how I started working on the fries. I barely knew what I was doing with those, but after a few moments of half-guessing, my lasagna was in the oven and almost done cooking, and I was frying my potatoes a second time like some fast food places back home do.

By no means was this meal healthy, as it was literally some deep fried potatoes that could possibly pass as fries, and a lasagna that had a good amount of cheese on it. Chef took notes every step of the way and I swear the mare was glowing at the idea of easily improving my ‘fry’ recipe and my potatoes. I slowly lifted a potato to my mouth, after getting all the oil off, and sticking it in my mouth… Oh it’s so much better than I would’ve expected. And I have about ten minutes to get to the private dining hall myself and Celly are sharing for our date! I told Chef Beef how important this was, and he sent some servants to go get the dining room set up for me…

If I wasn’t dating Celly, I would marry Chef Beet. “Oh…” I had just filled Chef Beet on who I was, and where I’m from. “So I’m…” She stared at the recipes I had written down for her. “Holding recipes from another world?” She asked.

“Eeyup. Pretty cool, eh?”

“Cool? This is amazing, Source! If you were not already accounted for, I would marry you just to see if you had any more human recipes on you!”

“Uh… nope. I only know these two recipes because of my Dad, and I could barely make the fries properly even if they’re still pretty good. I wasn’t a chef at home, I was more of a ‘stick something frozen in a metal box that heats stuff up for you’ guy. As in I didn’t cook, I bought pre-made, frozen meals that can be heated up in an oven, or in the metal box I described. I spent so much time working, or working on a personal project, that I never really had the time to properly learn how to cook anything other than the one thing my Dad knew how to cook… And I might’ve botched it due to me having to sub in a different ingredient from the main ingredient… It still smells good at least. That’s a good sign when cooking, right?”

“It is, and the presentation isn’t too bad either. It’s not perfect, but it looks like a classic, home-made meal if I ever saw one.” Beet nodded in approval. “Perhaps we can spend some time going over foods from your world, and I’ll see if I can recreate them?”

“That could be fun. No weird ideas though; Celestia jokes about putting a collar on me to let other mares know I’m hers.” Chef Beet started snickering…

I really should’ve thought about how I am basically a Princess’s property because I decided to be her boyfriend.

Celestia entered the dining room a few minutes after I had everything set up. I had a dish dome over my lasagna, which Beet had ever so gently(she hit me over the head with a soup ladle) was called a plate dome. There were two white, decorative porcelain plates that had Celestia’s cutie marks on them, with a cup holding fries that I had hit with a warming spell, something I had learnt specifically for this occasion. Two wine glasses, that looked like they were made for human hands for some reason, sat beside the plates on the right-hoof side of the plates, away from the edges of the corner of course.

Suspended in her magic was… some blueberry rum, the same kind you could find in any old winery for about thirty bits. I was expecting a more expensive wine to be used, but then again, I wasn’t expecting wine, or rum, at all. I had already poured water from the pitcher next to the covered lasagna. “I… Did you have somepony from the kitchens specifically to make these dishes?” Celestia asked, walking over and examining a fry in her magic. “It appears whoever you asked decided to get a bit experimental with some potatoes…”

“I made the food myself, Celly.” I lifted the cover for the lasagna and set it off to the side. On the food cart Beet was nice enough to let me borrow. “I made some things that I’d typically like to have on my first date, ever. I hate hay fries though, so I made potato fries, and made a dish from home, lasagna, or rather a vegetarian version to meet the fact that you probably don’t want to eat a sentient cow.”

“That… would not be something on my bucket list, if I could kick the bucket to begin with. It smells rather nice, if I must say so.”

“Try one of the fries; you’ll be addicted to them,” I suggested as I grabbed a knife with my magic and portioned out a fourth of the lasagna for her, and another fourth for myself. Celestia did as I suggested, before her eyes widened.

“Oh my Sun…” she whispered.

“What?” I smirked.

“That is addictive!” Celestia popped another one in her mouth. “It’s got a snap to it, and the inside is so creamy.” That’s what she said. Literally. She watched as I dipped a fry in the lasagna’s sauce and popped it in my mouth… Oh yeah, I definitely didn’t fuck up the sauce… That’s great! I would’ve made enough to give us four portions per pony, but Beet wanted half the lasagna after having a taste of it. Mostly for her staff to have a try as well. Celestia hummed, before doing just as I had, mimicking my fry in the lasagna move, and her eyes widened even more.

“So, how is it?”

“I didn’t know you could cook!”

“I know a whole two dishes!” I said, lifting my fork to the air before stabbing my lasagna with it. Celestia watched as I cut out a piece, and followed in my example. I think she was just trying to figure out how to eat this stuff, since she probably hasn’t seen lasagna before if her royal chef hasn’t. “Seriously though, I’m not much of a cook. I can make this, and my half-assed version of french fries, but that’s about it. I could probably make a mean mac and cheese with a few pointers, but that’s not saying much. It’s hard to make horrible mac and cheese, but it is hard to make a good mac and cheese.”

“Well, this is genuinely quite lovely,” Celestia teleported two more wine glasses, they had the same, simple design of the two already on the table. She poured some of the rum into each before setting one on my side of the table. Oh, that smells just like candy. “Considering you don’t consider yourself a chef, of course. I’m sure as we speak, Chef Beet has found a way to improve upon this.”

“And that’s basically her job; find the best way to make a certain dish, in her opinion, and then make it for you and the rest of the politicians living in the castle. My job is to study up on magic and work out new Runes. Why did you bring rum to our date, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Well, you made a giant leap in discovering secrets in magic earlier, did you not?”

“The DragonFire thing?”

“Indeed. Nopony could decipher how to get it to work, likely due to us not being able to safely run a diagnostic spell on dragonfire until the day that Spike hatched, and even then, nopony really tried to figure out how dragonfire could be used to send letters. Even I would struggle with trying to decipher whatever magic is in dragonfire, and you worked it into a Rune based spell?”

“Yeah. I had to slave away at it for days, having Spike on standby so I could refresh my memory of what’s in it. I’d say it’s probably the first spell in my magical system.”

“Oh?” Celestia asked as she sipped from her cup. “Making new systems of magic, are we?”

“It’s like a weird hybridized version of the Hybrid Spell system, and Rune system. With how you not only need Runes specific to this system, and magical equations, and then the magical skill to force the available materials around you to do what you want it to, the Hybrid system’s really hard to do. My own system aims to simplify the Rune part, and once I learn how to simplify the magical equations of the Hybrid system, simpler equations, I’ll be able to make my own system of magic. One where you can do two thirds of casting a spell pretty quickly, and take up less magic in doing so, leaving more magic to pour into the spell.

“Aside from the Dragonfire spell, I took the shield spell and started working it into this version of my Hybrid Magic, which I’m going to call the Python System for reasons I’ll explain later. I’m trying to see if I can’t shorten Shield into a singular Rune, and see how much further I can get into the strength of a shield if I can shorten Shield into one Rune. But anyways,” I performed dragonfire on a napkin, which ended up gently floating down onto Celestia’s face. “I want to popularize Python once it’s done. It’ll take a lifetime, but I wanna lay down the framework for it first.”

“That… is amazing!” Celestia clapped her hooves. “To think that five weeks ago, you couldn’t even use your horn! Now you’re trying to make an entirely new branch of magic?”

“Think of it as an offshoot of the Hybrid System; it’s just an easier version to use after all. By the way, before, how DragonFire uses Python as the base, if I use it in an offensive way…” I hummed. “Even with my fairly average power, I could probably melt somebody’s skin,” I grabbed a fry, encased it in a shield, before summoning DragonFire without any of its message sending aspects. In seconds, the fry burnt away. “I probably should probably mention that the oil used to cook that was roughly one seventy six degrees.”

“...That is incredible. You’re making a new magical system because you want magically less capable ponies to be able to learn and execute this system?”

“...Yeah. It’s in order to make up for my own inability to get any stronger with magic. I’ve noticed that, due to the nature of this, spells are easier to cast, but will obviously lack in stability and strength compared to the more established systems of magic. However, Python is meant to help bridge that gap of strength a little more so that say… a Shield can actually block off a Concussive Strike from you or Twilight a little better than a Rune based, or just a Hybrid based version of Shield. With less strain at least.”

“Python… why that name, if you do not mind me asking?”

“It’s the name of a coding language back home. It’s what I was most proficient in, even if I normally coded in Javascript.”

“I see… So DragonFire is the first spell in this new system?”

“Yeah. What’s great about my new system is that I can take parts out immediately, such as the message sending bit, by simply removing the Rebuild equations from casting it.” I pulled out a new notebook, and opened it to the first page where I had the original twenty six Runes, plus three Runes that I made. I even wrote down the equations for Python’s versions Teleport and Rebuild, since they were a part of DragonFire. I gave it over to Celestia to read it over, and before long, quickly casted her own version of DragonFire on my notebook, which landed on my head.

“That… was very easy to cast. Incredibly so… I believe I can help make Teleport and Rebuild simpler to cast as well to make DragonFire even less taxing. Since Teleport and Rebuild are already rather complex spells, and then you’re also technically casting a Fire Spell to go along with it… Aside from trying to figure out Python in the first few minutes, your notes are flawless by the way; very easy to read and understand… Python really does help make spell casting quicker for stronger mages, and easier to cast for weaker mages.”

“That’s the goal of it.”

“You’re doing a good job-” I suddenly flashed up beside her. “You can teleport now…”

“Indeed I can. Python makes that so much easier, even if I still get a headache from it… Ow.” I groaned. “When will I get better magic endurance?”

“By practicing. I would recommend doing the alphabet constantly for a few hours a day.”

“I think I’ll do that then.” We both soon focused on our meals. Celestia was in the middle of telling me a really funny story involving a petitioner in her day court, who was actually just a little colt who really wanted help with his math homework. It went from funny to sounding borderline adorable; the colt actually cuddled up with Celestia while she walked him through his multiplication equations and helped proofread an essay he had for school.

I got to tell her some human exploits, such as us dying to vending machines more often than we die to bears, and we had a good time, honestly. I got to tell plenty of jokes, so I could hear that wonderful, almost addictive laugh plenty of times that night. Before long, our meals were finished, and our plates and silverware was picked up by some maids, and we ended up heading to bed together for the first time, on time, as a couple. We didn’t do any of the things Celestia said she would do(she understands that I’m not quite ready for that, on top of me wanting to wait for us to get married before we ‘sleep’).

It was a fun night.

The next day during a magical, Celestia Magic Tutoring Tuesday on a Saturday, I was experimenting with Runes again; I wanted to get Shield into one Rune. It wasn’t easy, especially since after Celestia went to sleep, I woke up in a cold sweat, and proceeded to come here and immediately started working on trying to shorten Shield. Luckily I and E were very similar to each other due to them being vowels. SH was pretty easy to turn into one Rune, and I managed to tack L onto IE. So now I had a three Rune shield spell. I casted it and put way more strength into it just as Twilight and Celestia walked into the room, right on schedule. I felt like shit. Doing all this experimentation to make new Runes was hard.

My magical butt tattoo might make it a lot quicker for me to do this, and decode spells, but that doesn’t mean I’m good at making new Runes any easier.

“Hey guys!” I yawned and dropped the shield.

“Why are you here so early? You must have gotten here long before I raised the Sun. I figured you would’ve loved to watch that. Again.”

“I would’ve. But remember what I said at dinner last night?”

“You’re trying to shorten Shield?” Twilight asked, now looking genuinely curious at what I’m doing.

“Yeah, so far I’ve got it down to three Runes, which is as far as I could get over the last six hours of me working on this.”

“...How much sleep did you get, dear?” Celestia asked, gently strolling over to me and started grooming my mane. Oh, that feels really good.

“I think I got about two hours of sleep or something. When I got here it was one in the morning.”

“...You’ve been here for ten hours, my love,” Celestia sighed. “You are an idiot, you know that?”

“On the brightside, my theory of Python works… with less magic going into summoning a shield and running a calculation… I think I have a stronger shield spell than I once had. Twilight, wanna test it? Just blast the shield at full power?”

“You do know if I even crack it, it’ll probably knock you out with how little sleep you’ve had?”

“Mmm… yeah. I could use the extra sleep anyways. If I’m still standing, I can probably just sleep against Celestia while she tutors you, Twilight.”

“Okay…” I walked into the gym part of our studying room and I summoned a shield that fully surrounded me and widened my stance. “Hit me!” My voice reverberated off the inside of a shield… Oh. I have an idea that could be lethal with this discovery. Twilight shared a glance with my girlfriend before launching a standard, concussive blast. Usually, Twilight could probably blast right through with one of those at half of her full strength(I’ve done some testing with her in this same room under the careful eye of Celly). My shield withstood the hit. I ran a diagnostic spell and noted that it wasn’t even at half of the full power Twilight could throw into it. I lowered my shield and glared at the lavender unicorn.

“Hey now, throw half of your strength into it. I want to test if a Python Shield works the way it should!” I brought my light blue shield up and let Twilight do just that. I grunted under the pressure… but the shield was actually holding. It cracked only slightly towards where Twilight’s spell had actually struck my shield. I was still conscious though! I chuckled and stumbled as my shield fell. Ow, even a slight crack, even a crack in a unicorn’s shield is enough to induce another hornache… Ow. Mmm, I desire to be groomed by my girlfriend to help quail my aching horn. “That… Actually worked,” I said as I made my way over to Celestia’s cushion and flopped onto it. I was then promptly pulled up so I could rest my head on Celly’s shoulder.

“That was reckless, Source. You could’ve been put into a coma for days if your shield actually broke…”

“But Python actually works!” I drunkenly slurred. “Twilight woulda plowed through a regular Rune spell and the ass of whoever was on the other side of that Rune spell.”

“That spell was almost as good as one of my brother’s weaker shields,” Twilight noted. “For how little strength you actually have… that’s impressive, Source. You keep calling it ‘Python Shield’ though. Why is that?”

“I’m developing Python, a custom-made magical system for me. If the kingdom gets in trouble, or Celestia needs help to defend it, I wanna be able to contribute in the protection of her specifically. I can’t do that with Runes, or my mediocre prowess in the Physical and Hybrid systems. Python is based on the basics of Rune based magic, but then uses simplified equations to try and get similar results to a Hybrid spell. It won’t be perfect, but it makes up for it by being way easier to cast; easier casting means you can pour more power into it. Meaning if I have to help Celestia kick some asshole’s ass, I can at least dump enough power into a concussive strike and give her the edge she needs.”

“I doubt there will ever come a time when you will need to step in, Source. Equestria has been in a time of peace for the last thousand years. On top of that, I am quite powerful with magic, if you somehow haven’t noticed. If it comes down to it, I will be standing over you and protecting you. I think you’d have a panic attack the moment you realize something horrible is happening.”

“And if I realize what’s happening is going to endanger you, I’m going to try and protect you no matter how much stronger you are than I am with magic. I’m not the strongest guy in the world, I’ll admit that, but I’ll be damned if I let my girl face any big bad guys on her own…” I groaned. “Fuck this hornache dude.” I groaned again before laying my head back down on her shoulder. “But Celestia, I just want to be able to at least help keep you safe. You think it would suck if I got hurt, now imagine how much it would suck for me to see you get hurt?”

“I know…” Celestia paused.

Twilight watched as Princess Celestia and her coltfriend talked about defending each other. It was rare to find a stallion with such a desire to protect his marefriend. Despite usually being bigger, there were simply fewer stallions, so it was usually the mare defending their stallion, or mares depending on if they’re a part of a herd. There was a certain edge in Source’s voice that was giving him an edge in his little argument with Celestia. “All I want to do is protect you, Celly. I love you, and you’re all that I have. Just let me fight beside you if it comes down to it, alright? If things head south, I don’t give two damn, I’m grabbing both of us and we’re retreating.”

“But my ponies…”

“Retreating, not fleeing. You retreat if you want to regain your footing, you flee if you’ve completely given up on fighting, Celestia…” The stallion let out a jaw splitting yawn. “Just because I suck at dealing with crowds doesn't mean I'll sit down and let you get hurt…”

Now Princess Celestia was blushing. Usually she was the dominant pony in her relationships, especially with how old and powerful she was compared to her many, many partners. Now, she was possibly the weakest of her unicorn partners, ordering her around. Granted, what he lacked in strength, he apparently made up for in ingenuity; the fact that he was able to rewrite Shield into his own system magic, which would allow him much more leeway in a fight, on top of dragonfire being apparently as deadly as it was, Source could very easily find a way to stand as her equal through forcefully optimizing magic to match his own strength. And then he started talking to her with a resolve she has never seen on the stallion…

“I must admit,” Celestia giggled as her stallion finally gave into his sleep deprivation and had finally fallen asleep. “Seeing my coltfriend so dead set on defending me on the off chance that something horrible happens to Equestria… Was rather attractive.”

“Princess, your coltfriend’s kind of scary when he gets angry,” Twilight admitted. “I feel as if he were angrier when I hit his Python Shield… It would withstand a full powered concussive spell from me.”

The Princess nodded. “I did feel his ambient magic spiking as he got progressively angrier over the thought of me getting hurt… it was exhilarating to feel it.” As she said that, she shifted slightly, and Source immediately rolled over and started pawing her until he found her shoulder again, before he rolled over and snuggled into it again. “I am going to scold him for being up so early, however. He cannot properly defend his princess if he doesn’t get the rest he needs; his endurance with spell casting won’t improve either if he keeps waking up at one in the morning at the latest.”

“Ma,” Source whispered in his sleep. “Errr.”

“I'm going to ask him to teach me this… Would it count as a system of magic, Princess?”

“Source is more inclined to believe it’s an offshoot of the Hybrid or Rune system, Twilight. However, by definition, it is a new system; new Runes, new equations, entirely different processes of casting a spell? However this… Python seems to not require a strong application of Physical Magic in order to work with the Hybrid Spell. Source teleported, a rather short distance that resulted in hornache, but he teleported with almost exclusively Runes and a couple of equations.”

“...Does this have to do with his background in any way?”

“Him breaking down DragonFire and turning it into a tangible spell does. I’ve a feeling that he could probably figure out how to raise and set the Sun if he ran a diagnostic spell on me, and had the strength to do so. However, if he were to try, it would probably still fry his brain as it would require a lot of magic, more than he could muster without permanently hurting himself.”

“Huh… Think I could still get him to teach me Python once he’s done with it?”

“Perhaps you should work better on getting on his good side; I know that you two don’t get along. Perhaps you two can become friends?”

“I’ll try, Princess.” Twilight opened up Source’s journal and began reading it, only to grunt in frustration; the first page is literally just regular, everyday Runes! They weren’t even similar to ones used in Hybrid Magic! She immediately closed the book. “I’ll have to just ask him to walk me through this later. Maybe it’ll be a good chance for us to become friends… So how is planning for this year’s Summer Sun Celebration going, Princess?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I was hoping to take Source to Ponyville, since that is where I’ll be holding the celebration this year.”

Moon Butt is Gonna Die pt. 1

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The Summer Sun Celebration was apparently the celebration of the longest day in the year, or the Summer Solstice. Celestia was sending both myself and Twilight ahead of time in order to make sure everything was ready. However, Celestia hadn’t told Twilight yet, but because I have special somepony privileges, I get to know ahead of time. As in a solid week ahead of time. Over the last few weeks, or the last time that I wrote in this… I guess I can’t call it a journal when my journal is where I’m keeping the groundwork for Python, so I guess it’s a diary now. Anyways it’s been about two weeks since mine and Celestia’s first date.

After that, things kept on as normal, Python got worked on(I even managed to convert Levitation to Python and made three new Runes!), and I actually picked up guard training. Now, I’m doing guard training for two reasons… One, I want to actually gain some muscle mass so Celestia has something nice to look at other than my butt, and I wanna know how to fight. So far, I was going through what was basically ‘basics’ but I was a consort so nobody really yelled at me. Nobody in the castle officially knew that I was the consort… Everyone knew though. I got to join in guard training everyday and work out and learn how to use magic in a combative manner. That’s what I was doing right now, since tomorrow, me and Twilight will be shipped off to Ponyville to make sure everything’s in order for the Summer Sun Celebration which happens the day after tomorrow.

I parried another unicorn's attack. Solar Strike, which was his name, shot another Concussive, or a concussive blast, with my Python Shield. After the first lesson I had in here, I ran diagnostic spells on every single spell used by the guard for combative purposes and reworked them into Python. As it turns out, that was the way to go, since now I had more magic to pour into shields and offensive spells without the hassle of casting the spells quickly or having to worry about executing the spell properly.

Because of Python, I would’ve been in the top half of the guard in terms of magical prowess.

I shot a homing, Concussive, which was something I made through Python, and ran in as soon as Solar Strike put up a shield… And I got plowed into the ground by the simple fact that Solar Strike was physically stronger than I was by a long shot. I groaned and rolled onto my stomach while rubbing my head. For once, I just had a headache; my magic pool, or endurance, has actually gotten a lot better because of the development of Python; I have to cast spells and Runes constantly, which really helped build my endurance. It won’t stop a guard from immediately putting his hoof on my shoulder after he kicks my ass, but I can at least cast a lot of Python based spells without hurting myself.

“You know,” Solar said as he helped me up. “I shoulda figured that somepony, that is Celestia’s second star pupil, would put up a good fight from a magical standpoint. You’re kinda bad at going in physically though; you’re kinda scrawny after all.”

“Hey, I at least managed to sprint to you this time,” I groaned. “Fuck me, mate, my head feels like a brick made love to the back of it… You hit hard.”

“Oh please; your marefriend’s probably going to kiss your boo boos away anyways.”

“That’s the best part of this. After I do this enough, hopefully I won’t be a scrawny little cunt, and instead be a cunt with some muscle mass. I want to at least be eye candy for Celestia, you know?”

“What a stellar reason to be in the guard-”

“I’m also trying to learn how to fight so I can fight beside her my man, you should know that by now!”

“I know. I just find it odd that out of all the ponies, she ends up picking you. You’re so… boring looking. Your coat and mane don’t pop, your cutie mark’s literally some numbers, and your mane and tail are kinda messy…” Solar shuttered. “The strength that you put into your magic sure is scary though; if that homing spell hit me, I would've gotten knocked out.”

“That’s the goal…” I chuckled. “You know, I have a little secret for why I can put so much power into my spells. You’ve had to have felt how weak my Rune based spells, or just my usual spell casting, is.”

“They are! But then you get into combat and it’s like a demon’s taken over your body. I don’t even think Captain Armor could’ve broken your shield.”

“He could if he hit it hard enough; he’s a lot stronger than I am when it comes to magic, and probably more knowledgeable. A concussive spell, mixed in with anti-shield spells, wouldn’t work though because my Shields don’t rely on any of the pre-existing systems of magic.”

“What…?”

“There’s three systems of magic,” my guard friend gives me a ‘no shit’ look. “So what I went and did is made my own branch, which takes Runes and the Hybrid systems of spell casting, or the first and third and aimed to make it so with those same basic runes from the first system, along with some extra Runes that I’ve made and some equations that I’ve made, makes spell casting easier, quicker, and less magically restraining. From there, you have greater leverage with your magic. I could barely go toe to toe with Twilight, when she’s holding back, if I gave it my all. With Python, my built up system, I can contend with her, while she’s holding back of course, and even hold my own against my girlfriend for a time before she just straight up overwhelms me with greater magical prowess, her knowing Python in and out because of me, and her experience in combat.”

“...Huh.”

“The problem with Python is mainly the fact that it’s meant to optimize how much magic is needed for casting, to make the strength of any spell casted with it greater. This is a problem because a magically weak unicorn will still get destroyed by somebody a lot stronger than them, but it gives me, a weaker unicorn, a fighting chance to hold out for help, or to flee if I just can’t make any leeway. Luckily, Python has Teleport spells… and…” I breathed DragonFire and walked into it, before appearing behind Solar Strike. “My Fire spell is my Teleport.”

“What the buck!?” Solar jumped and spun around. “I saw you burn to ashes!”

“No… with enough magic, which I can easily provide DragonFire, I can burn myself and reappear behind you. The problem is that I haven’t been able to teleport myself to Celestia or Twilight Sparkle though doing that. But it is a much, much more viable Teleport for longer distances, whereas Teleport mainly has combative purposes.”

“Dude… Have you told anyone?”

“Nope. I don’t plan on telling anyone other than Celestia, since she gives me puppy eyes and wins any argument we have, and Twilight since she’s my colleague and has seniority over me and can tell me what to do because of that. I want to make sure I have the full system of Python worked out before I publish it and let ponies run wild with it.”

“What is this about Python?” Solar jumped and proceeded to solute the pony behind me. I already knew who it was… Somepony that’s great bro material.

“Ah, Shining Armor. How’s it going, lad?”

“Quite alright, mind joining me for a drink? My shift ends in thirty minutes.”

“Sure thing, my man. See ya at six?” Shining and I brofisted and we went our separate ways for the next thirty minutes.

Shining Armor, a captain in the Royal Guard; it was one of the highest positions you could find yourself in as the guard, save for literally being Princess Celestia… Yeah, this dude is a bit of a prodigy like his younger sister, Twilight Sparkle. This dude has some of the strongest defensive magic in the entire world, and is apparently tied, by measurements, with only one other unicorn when it comes to the strength in his shields and barriers. Like Shining Armor is the only unicorn alive right now that could match Starswirl the Bearded, a famous mage, with shield spells alone. Granted, because he’s Twilight’s brother, he’s not too shabby in other types of magic; a good defense is only good if you’ve got a good offense to back it up after all. Unlike Twilight, Shining’s main expertise in spell casting lies entirely on what is in the Guard.

As in he is top level in every spell used by the Royal Guard, but you couldn’t ask him to turn his parents into potted plants… Because Twilight did that when she was fucking six years old apparently… On accident, hatched an egg that is magically resistant(which led to Spike being born), and enlarged the newly hatched Spike until he broke the ceiling… Yeah, she fucking did at least three very high level spells on accident while six years old. And somehow I’m being taught by the same alicorn that’s teaching her how to control and use her magic. Shining Armor on the other hand… can make really strong shields(Twilight can get close, but her brother edges her out on shields), and has a strong offense even if his greatest strength is his defense.

“I see you got your flanks handed to you by Solar again,” Shining said as we walked down the hall to get ourselves that drink that was older than we were.

“Hey now, I held my own with magic… I’m just a weak little bitch.”

“Hey, we all have to start somewhere,” Shining flexed his foreleg… It was as sharp as a diamond. “Would you believe I was once that nerd that played Ogres and Oubliettes?” That was Dungeons and Dragons for you non-ponies. It was just as nerdy as its human equivalent. “Just as weak as you are right now. Though I gotta say, Solar’s one of our more gifted guards when it comes to magic, and you’re going toe to toe with him when you score a lot lower than he did on all of those magical tests you took before ‘joining’ the guard.”

“I just use my magic in a special way,” I half-lied.

“Uh-huh. What’s Python?”

“A type of snake?” I played dumb. “Though Celestia said that too and it ended up with my snout in her rear end. It was a little strange, but she had fun,” I tilted my head. Shining Armor stopped completely dead in his tracks, staring into nothing as what I said slowly worked through his mind. Out of all the ponies in the castle, I don’t think Shining was in the know how. That, or he was, and hearing somebody talk about licking the Princess’s ass broke him. Probably both, if I’m being real. Apparently I’m not the only one dating an alicorn, since he’s dating somebody named Princess Cadance, and she was apparently Celestia’s niece. So I don’t know why he found it so shocking when somebody else said they were eating Princess Celestia out.

“...So you are dating Celestia?” Shining asked.

“Yeah, of course I am.”

“I lost twenty bits because you said no… Wait, you two are having-”

“No, we haven’t had sex yet. Waiting until we get married at some point; it may take us a while, but given how we’re apparently a perfect match for each other, I say it isn’t too long yet. I do love what I know about Celestia right now even if I know she’s got a few skeletons in her closet that she hasn’t told me about yet.”

“I was the guard that asked if you were sleeping with Celestia!”

“And technically, I was sleeping with her. Not sleeping with her, in the sense that I we’re… trying to have foals? No.”

“Damn. So you and Celestia did get hitched… Cady was right.”

“Cady?” I asked. I had successfully got Shining Armor off my case about Python yet again.

“Yeah, the main reason why I grabbed you today is to have lunch with you and Celestia; Cadance invited me along. Since Princess Celestia is technically Cadance’s only living guardian, you’re legally Cady’s uncle.”

“Oh. Damn. I have a niece… What the hell?” I think Cadance and Shining Armor are older than I am. Because Twilight is biologically older than I am, even if I was mentally two years older than her when I got zapped by whatever the hell sent me to Equestria.

I plopped my rear down on the couch next to Celestia, we had taken residence in the private dining room we had our first date in. The room had been rearranged so there were two, plush, purple couches, or giant cushions, made to be able to hold at least three Princess Celestias on two sides of a really fancy coffe cable. It just smelled really fancy, like a freshly cut slab of oak wood. Sitting on the cushion on the opposite side from us was… another alicorn. She was pink. Very, very pink.

Actually, she was pleasantly pink, and I could tell that she probably had a lot of ponies gushing over her in school, since she was about as old as Shining Armor was, according to the stallion now snuggled up into her. Like, by pony standards, this woman was probably drop dead gorgeous… However, Celestia is better, Celestia best Princess. No, I am not biased by the fact that my girlfriend is Celestia, not at all. Seriously, watching Celestia raise the Sun from our bed everyday I wake up is truly a sight to behold, and one of the few reasons why I actually wake up early just to pretend that I’m still asleep when Celly’s done doing that.

Cadance, I’m assuming this is Cadance, had a purple, pink, and blond mane where on one side, went down to her neck and curled up, and the other went down to her forleg’s knees, and like the other side, curled up as it reached the end. Adorning her head was a golden crown that was much like Celestia’s, though smaller and had heart shaped gems in it instead. Her tail went down to her hindleg’s ankles, and was the same colors as her mane, which was curled up and up to her belly as she leaned into her coltfriend’s side. Around her neck was a necklace that had no gems in it, but connected at the base of her neck… to make a heart shape. Adorning her butt was a shining heart made out of crystals.

I do not like the way she’s looking at me. It was like she was analyzing me.

The first thing I did after I settled into Celestia’s side, was get up immediately and plant a kiss on her cheek. “Curse you for being so tall. I can’t kiss your cheek properly if you’re three times taller than I am,” I grumble.

“Perhaps you should’ve grown more?” Celestia bobbed her eyebrows. We both chuckled, before she returned the kiss, and I resettled down into her side.

“I didn’t think I would ever see you with your own special somepony, Auntie,” Princess Cadance hummed. “I can tell that you two… are getting along.”

“I hear you don’t believe what you just said,'' I hummed. Cadance raised an eyebrow. “I’m not an idiot, Cadance, and ponies are horrible liars.”

“You are a pony,” Cadance pointed out.

“Cadance, do you have anything against Source?” Celestia asked.

“The first thing he does when he comes in, isn’t greet you, he flops down beside you and then greets you. And I wouldn’t even call that a greeting.”

“That’s our usual ritual,” I wave a dismissive hoof. “I can’t spend all day with Celestia because of her work, so the first thing I do when I see her, I just wanna cuddle up with her. Then I kiss her, make a quip about her making me feel like the midget I am, and we continue cuddling while we eat dinner and talk about our days. I kinda can’t specifically do that right now, since you and Shining Armor are here, and it’s only lunch, but…” I motioned Celestia to lower her head down to me.

“How’re you feeling, Celly? Want me to barge in on any meetings and cry wolf to get you out?”

“No, dear. I have everything handled. I can see that you’re building a little bit of muscle,” Celestia looked over me hungrily. “You’ve been working out, I’ve heard. And giving some of my guards a run for their money…” she giggled. “Mr. Top Percent.”

“Hey! I still get my butt handed to me on a silver platter whenever I go to melee any guard,” I huffed, I said that allowed and crossed my forelegs and pouted. “I hate working out, but I wanna do it for you. I can’t be anything less than nice looking around you, can I?”

Celestia blinked, blushed, and giggled again. “I think you look handsome as is, without working out… Perhaps we can move your training into my schedule? I’m sure I can teach you better one on one than a guard instructor could when he has dozens of other stallions and mares to keep track of.” Good point. “Or if I can’t train you, I want to watch you.” I nodded along before I kissed her on the nose, which made her ears shoot up.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God, Celestia! You can’t look like that! It’s gonna melt my heart because of how adorable you look!” We both laughed before we nuzzled each other and faced Cadance and Shining.

“...Huh,” Cadance hummed. “I… You two play off of each other so well… But when you walked in, you felt empty.”

“Because I ain’t a pony on the inside. I can turn an emotion, such as love, on or off on a dime. Celestia’s the one pony in this world that’s keeping me from just jumping off the mountain this city’s sitting on; she means the world to me. She is my world... I’m exaggerating, but Celly is helping me stay mentally stable by simply being here for me. I love her to death.”

Cadance actually began smiling. “And you’re working out just to…”

“Be eye candy for her.”

“Which he already is,” Celsetia pointed out. “Your plainess is rather nice; you don’t need to have rock-solid muscle mass to appease me.” I felt my cheeks warm up at that. After Cadance worked out her dislike for me, since she can apparently sense emotions, she was way friendlier after that. I suppose she just wanted to make sure the weirdo dating her aunt was actually a good pony or something.

“Fucking christ, Source,” Celestia giggled. She picked up on occasionally using human curses from me. You can’t tell me otherwise; hearing her use human curses is adorable, sue me. “You seriously did that… to try and hide Python from Captain Armor?”

“Yeah, Shining’s been asking about Python since I started joining his soldiers in their daily training…”

“So you joked about eating me out?”

Cadance and Shining Armor were just sitting there, like two little kids, while they heard their aunt and Princess casually talk about her boyfriend joking about having sex with each other.

“Hey now, say the word and I’ll actually do a ‘Python’ on ya…”

“Really now?” Celestia hummed. “Perhaps after the Summer Sun Celebration, we shall see if you are a stallion of your word.” Oh. Oh. Oh shit.

I’m gonna get laid.

The next morning, I woke up bright and early so that I could get on the chariot. After a quick breakfast with Sun Butt, a kiss, and a letter from Twilight telling Celestia about somebody named Nightmare Moon, and I was in the chariot. Celly had just sent Twilight her instructions, so I was just waiting on her. Shining Armor gave me a brohoof as he came up to inspect the chariot and its guards. Usually, nobody would, but since it was carrying his sister, and two of Princess Celestia’s Personal Students, I couldn’t fault him. Namely because it was carrying his sister.

Twilight and Spike, with Spike riding on her back, who was reading the message I had ‘helped’ Celestia write. As in I wrote to improve my precision with levitation, and I wrote what she told me to. I would’ve tried to put my own personal touches, but Celestia threatened to make me sleep on the couch as soon as she saw the grin on my face as she told me to write what she was saying. Now, I would’ve done it anyways, but Celestia Snuggle Time is the best, and I don’t want to be denied that for a whole week.

Yes, I have gone without before we started dating, but after you get used to it, you don’t want to lose it.

“How are you so calm?” Twilight shouts at me. “Nightmare Moon will want to try and kill Princess Celestia-”

“And if she tries it, let alone succeeds, I am going to torture Nightmare Moon. I will pluck her feather by feather, break her bones, pull her teeth out. That’s assuming she’s real, of course.” I have a bit of reason to doubt that Nightmare Moon does exist. For one, Celestia would’ve told me, two, Celestia didn’t seem to take the letter that seriously. Secondly, how the heck does somebody get stuck in the Moon?” Sure, magic is a thing, but from what I’ve gathered, not even Celly is capable of doing such a thing, since such a spell doesn’t exist.

“She is real though!”

“Mmm, how about we worry about making sure my girlfriend’s holiday goes smoothly, and then worry about Nightmare Moon, eh?”

“He’s right, Twilight, Princess Celestia even told you to just try and make some friends!” Spike pointed out in the letter.

“He is right; I would know since Celestia got me to write that letter for her.” Twilight groaned, before laying her head on the chariot.

“Making friends can’t be that bad,” Spike comments as the chariot touches the ground. Ooh, my legs are wobbly. “C’mon! Just go say hello to one of the locals!”

“Uh…” Twilight proceeds to say ‘hi’ only for the pink pony to gasp and run away.

“Damn, you’re worse at making friends than I am.”

“Shut up, Source.” Twilight grumbles. “Let’s just go check on the Apples’ Farm; their family is catering for the Summer Sun Celebration after all.”

I think I like the Apples. The Apples are apparently a family of chefs, farmers, and country folk that… are genuinely just really nice. Usually, I… abstain from being the center of attention, but these people were so friendly that I couldn’t help but have some cider and joke around with some of them. Particularly, Apple Jack. who was an orange earth pony mare with a blond mane and tail that were tied back. Upon her head rested a stetson which looked really cool. Her cutie mark was three apples.. She was the first to greet us, and had shook our hooves with so much enthusiasm, that our hooves kept on shaking after she was done. Twilight wanted to deny brunch, but Apple Bloom, an adorable, little filly with a yellow coat, red hair, and had a bow in her mane. She doesn’t have one, yet.

“And so my Dad said ‘let there be light!’ before he blew up our oven while trying to make popcorn!” I laughed as I set my cider down. Did I mention how much I love the Apples? They have FRENCH TOAST WITH APPLE JELLY!

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT APPLE JELLY WAS A THING!

“Ah’ll have to meet your Dad at some point, Source,” Apple Jack laughed. “He sounds like an idiot.”

“Oh, he’s a great cook, taught me how to make a dish or two, but god. Do not let that dude near an oven after he’s a little… influenced by what he’s drinking. It’s just a miracle that he didn’t catch on fire when our oven blew up.” I hummed and almost grabbed a towel to wipe off my face, before just straight up using my left fetlock to get the jam and bits of french toast, or prench toast, off my face. Celestia wasn’t one for table manners, but I did get dragged into a ‘private’ dinner with some ambassadors… I got yelled at for using the wrong fork. Not by Celestia, mind you, but I still got yelled at.

“And here Ah was thinking you were some prissy unicorn from Canterlot; you’ve got some grit, Source!” AJ patted my back. Her older brother, Big Mac, was a giant hulk of a stallion. Red, fucking huge, and had a thing, I think it’s a scarf, wrapped around his neck. He was a stallion of few words, but the way he had a foreleg wrapped around my neck while we both had some cider… Yeah, I found another bro. I sighed before setting my cup down, noting how Spike and Twilight were leaving already.

“Sorry guys, but I gotta follow her. Princess Celestia wants to make sure everything’s going well, and I gotta make sure Twilight doesn’t murder anybody; she ain’t much of a ponies pony, y’know?” I almost snickered when I noted that Twilight’s gut was round and she was almost limping away from the farm; she really loved Granny Smith’s pie… I am a horrible person.

“No worries, Source. Next time yer in town, you best stop by’n say ‘hi’!” Apple Jack hummed. “Though why did the Princess send both of you? That Twilight over there seems to have everything covered.”

“Well, I am Celly’s protege as well…”

“Celly?”

“Yeah, I’m… good friends with Celly,” AJ raised an eyebrow. Fucking nothing gets past this lady, not even half truths, and it’s scary. She quickly picked up on when I didn’t like apple soup earlier in a heartbeat, but was a good sport about it when she realized I just never had apple soup and found it weird… It was like applesauce, but more liquidy… It got better as I got more used to it. “Aight, so Celly’s a nickname for the Princess; I’m her… boy-coltfriend. Yeah! Anyways, she sent me here since I’m usually cooped up in the castle, and to get me exploring town a bit. I don’t have to follow Twilight, but I’m staying in the same library that Twilight will be until Celly stops by; she’s the only one of us with a map.”

“Ah… Wait, what?!” That last bit was something everypony in earshot could hear… I just said everypony. Fuck, I am getting used to this new vocabulary too quickly.

“YOU’RE DATING THE PRINCESS?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Hey!” Big Mac shouted. “Leave the poor fella alone. Ah Can tell he already stepped out of his comfort zone, having brunch with us with the whole family being here. We don’t need to hound him with questions such as that… But to be clear, you are datin’ Princess Celestia, ain’tcha?” I nodded. “Congrats, dude. C’mon, me and my sisters know Ponyville inside and out. If you wanna hang out with the family until the Summer Sun Celebration, or even stay the night, you’re more than welcome; we’ll accommodate you as best as we can.” That’s the most he’s ever said to me.

If I weren’t straight, I would happily sleep with Big Mac.

“You don’t gotta, but if you show me where… Golden Oaks Library is before sundown, I’m game to just hang out. I can even show y’all my Dad’s secret recipe for apple pie; it won’t be as good as this,” I pointed at the crumbs that remained of my pie. “‘Sides, Twilight’s a wee bit of a prick. I just gotta watch myself; I’m a wee bit prone to cursing.”

“Source,” Apple Jack said plainly. “We’re a bunch of country folk. Even Apple Bloom knows how to swear.”

“Fuck yeah Ah do!” Apple Bloom said. Huh… No disapproving looks either.

“Ah shit, I coulda cut loose the moment I stepped on the farm? I didn’t want to swear in front of a kid!”

Apple Jack chuckled. “Ah, if you weren’t dating the Princess already…” What? “Though, you are a bit scrawny and plain lookin… yer just really fun to hangout with.”

“Uh…” I slowly turned to Big Mac and mouthed ‘save me’. He ended up taking me away and teaching me what Buck Ball was, and it was basically rugby, which was basically American Football but without any of the protective gear… And it was fucking fun once I got the timing for bucking the thing right. I had to use ‘Buff’, spell used to ‘buff’ up your physical capabilities, to keep up with Big Mac and the rest of the guys in the Apple Family, but I think they were just happy to see a unicorn, prince consort enjoying something that was actually really popular amongst earth ponies apparently.

When it was inevitably time for me to go to Golden Oaks Library for the night, Apple Jack, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom led me to it… It was a library in a tree. Like it wasn’t a tree house, where the house was on the top, no, it was built into the base of the tree and it went all the way up the trunk. The oak tree it was built into was god damn huge. Like the trunk was easily as wide as some of the houses around here… you know what? Ponies are kinda nonsensical, but sometimes that nonsense can be really cool.

I walked in in time to see Twilight pour herself a cup of hot sauce and drink it… And run away while crying from the pain, and to probably get some milk in her mouth. You know, that was a pretty mean prank, but then again, Twi didn’t really look over the bottle before pouring it. Given that it was bright red, instead of the subdued red that fruit punch usually has, I’m surprised she didn’t give the bottle a lookover at least once. I trotted on over before looking the bottle over, before shrugging. A prank is a prank, so I might as well roll with it.

“Oh my gosh, you’re the other unicorn that came into Ponyville! I was going to hold a party for you too, so you could make some friends, but then you went and made friends with the entire Apple Family, so you clearly already have friends. So while I was trying to spy on you, to ensure proper party engagement, I noticed how you started cowering away the very moment you became the center of attention, so… I decided against making the party just for you, since if you had a panic attack during your party, that wouldn’t be so fun. So I made it for you and Twilight, but I put your name on the banner with really small letters, so nopony would know that the party is for you!”

“Wah?” I could comprehend everything that she said, and apparently she’s a lot more thoughtful even if she seems like an airhead… Did she say she was spying on me? What the fuck? I swear, this lady’s bright fucking pink! She would’ve stood out on a field, a bush, anything! Mmm… Maybe I shouldn’t question it. I started sipping on the hot sauce… wow, that is mild. It’s not pleasant; straight up drinking hot sauce on its own usually isn’t fun. However, I could probably drink the whole thing and be fine after a sip of anything else.

“Why aren’t you crying in joy?”

“Oh, I’m gonna enjoy a party; parties can’t be that bad. It’ll be my first one in Equestria at least. I just don’t find this hotsauce to be spicy. Y’all have anything with ghost peppers in it?”

“Like dead peppers? I didn’t know peppers had souls…”

“Nevermind. Ignore what I said. Ghost peppers, which is just a name, are a staple where I came from. One of the hottest peppers… in the country, I guess. They were kinda tasty, and would make this seem like child’s play. I’ve won money because of bets that involved me drinking hotsauce like this from the bottle.”

“Wow… Tell me more about your home country! I’ve never met a pony that wasn’t from Equestria, but I’ve never left town before, and I don’t think I’ve met anypony from outside of town until very recently.”

“Sure…”

After a lot of coffee and waking up early, I headed off to the Town Hall, where the Summer Sun Celebration would be held. I wanted to greet Celestia before she had to get on stage… and I got here just in time to see her land in a chariot of her own. I broke into a gallop, and before the chariot came to a proper stop, I leaped up into it and nuzzled her. “Celly!” I laughed and nuzzled her some more. It was still dark, but it was hard to miss a giant, white alicorn with a flowing, rainbow mane and tail.

The town was still dark, since the whole holiday was about it being the longest day of the year, so the sun hadn't risen yet, but ponies were already heading over the Town Hall like I was.

“Hello, Source. How is everything going in town? Have the preparations been met?”

“Eeyup. Twilight checked on everything while I played Buck Ball with the Apples… I made new friends, are you proud, Mom?”

Celestia giggled. “It is nice to see you stepping out of your comfort zone. Would you like to spend the rest of the morning with me until the Summer Sun Celebration begins?”

“Is that a question?”

“...Well, perhaps you would like to spend some time with the Apples; their mares are usually really nice looking.”

“Nuh-uh. I want my Celly, Mine. Apple Jack does look nice, but you are the only mare for my eyes… a sight for sore eyes, you are, my dear…” I nuzzled Celestia. “I love you…”

“I-I… what?” Celestia sputtered. “Oh my lord, Source, you sure do know how to make a mare feel special, don’t you?”

“No I don't. I barely know what I’m doing, but I do know that I love ya to bits.” I nuzzled her. “You gotta put on makeup, right?”

“I already did, for you…” Celestia fluttered her eyelashes. “Do I look good?” I looked her up and down, before kissing her directly on the nose. I did my best to ignore everyone that was staring at us and muttering something. I kissed her again before giving her my verdict.

“No. You’re breathtaking.” I think Celestia went through a software crash because of that, so I ended up pushing her into the town hall and into the private area she was supposed to be in before she had to raise the Sun.

Where. The. Fuck. Is. Celestia?

Where the fuck did Celestia go? Like a white pony with a purple, curly mane and tail pulled the curtain back to reveal… Nothing. Then it turns out that Celestia’s entirely gone. That was entirely unlike Celestia; she was always on schedule! I went back out into the crowds, and she’s apparently gone missing! Who would dared try hurting my Celly? While everyone was looking around, I slowly started building magic. Maybe Celestia got stuck in a makeup room? Perhaps she’s putting a dress on and needs some extra time to-

Why is there dark, purple smoke? What the actual… It all came together and revealed a black… tall alicorn. She was wearing a purple helmet that highly resembled the same one the Royal Guard wore, except it was designed for a mare and for a much larger pony. Instead of the necklace, like Celestia did, she wore a breastplate that hung around her neck. Her horseshoes went upwards and protected her shins, unlike Celestia’s which were just shoes. Upon her flanks was a moon… in dark purple, which heavily contrasted against the Nightly black that she had.

While everyone was cowering in fear, I ran a diagnostic spell on her. Because… That’s Nightmare Moon and she is god damn real! I needed a diagnostic spell to read her magical signature. I used Python to stick a tracking spell on her while she monologues. She knows where Celstia is. The guards go to try and take her down… only to get struck by lightning. Because the wise thing to do while wearing ornamental armor with no enchantments on it was to charge at an alicorn, that possibly defeated Princess Fucking Celestia!

Nightmare Moon then evaporated into the cloud of purple dust she rode in on… and flew out the door and towards the Everfree Forest, or the deadliest place on the planet… My tracking spell kept on her the whole time. I would use DragonFire to immediately tail after her… But I needed to conserve my magic until I could get to her and… Beat the ever living shit out of Nightmare Moon. I am going to fucking invent an air fryer and stick this bitch’s corpse into it.

“Aight, y’all are fucking useless!” I growled. “I’m going to fucking murder that bitch if it’s the last thing I do!” I shouted before breaking into a sprint and charging after her.

Everypony as one of the two unicorns, that were supposedly Princess Celestia’s pupils, the stallion, ran out of the town hall while shouting various profanities, and other words that they never heard of before.

“I’M GONNA FUCKING NEUTER YOUR DUMB, FUCKING, MOON ASS IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO, NIGHTMARE MOON!” echoed through the town hall as the the unicorn disappeared into the distance.

Moon Butt is Gonna Die? Plus I yell at Celestia.

View Online

My tracking spell told me where Nightmare Moon was heading. She was heading into a dark, scary forest, which after doing some research with the locals, namely Apple Jack’s family, was the Everfree Forest. As in it was the deadliest place on the planet. Apparently it was full of animals that took care of themselves, and had weather that acted on its own. That just sounded like a Tuesday to me, and I was being dragged into Golden Oaks Library by Twilight while I swore like a sailor.

She had a good point: Nightmare Moon could probably kill me really easily. However, I wasn’t focusing on that. I wanted to get to that bitch and beat the shit out of her until she told me what happened to Celestia.

“Why are we trying to find a book about the Elements? I know how to beat Nightmare Moon and it’s these hands!” I shouted.

“Because the Elements of Harmony are the only thing that can beat Nightmare Moon!” Twilight shouted back.

“And just what are the Elements of Harmony?” a cyan pegasus got in Twilight’s face. She had a rainbow mane and tail, had magenta, almost gray, eyes and had clouds with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt shooting out of it on her butt. She ended up asking if Twilight was a spy, before getting in my face. “And are you helping her-”

“I am helping her because she’s making me. I’m only here because she dragged me here; I would rather chase down Nightmare Moon and kick her god damn ass. She probably kidnapped my marefriend, and I want my marefriend back.”

“What?”

Apple Jack came in, along with three other ponies followed us. I immediately recognized Pinkie Pie.

The first to follow Pinkie was a unicorn mare, a white one with a curly mane and tail… she was supposed to unveil Celestia before all this bullshit happened. On her flanks were three diamonds.

The next to follow her was a yellow pegasus mare, with soft, pink hair that was fairly unstyled even if it was kinda long. The way she was hiding behind the unicorn told me that those two were somewhat close.

Apple Jack actually had a voice of reason. “Twilight knows what’s going on, and Source here’s dating the Princess, so he’s helping her.” Pinkie Pie found the guide book to the Elements of Harmony by simply following the Dooy Decibel System. It turns out that… Oh, Nightmare Moon is nearby. I glanced out a nearby window, just to see a purple cloud run off into the night sky.

“Hey ladies, I think we’re gonna run into some fuckery while in-” they weren’t listening to me… They were all talking about the-

“The Everfree Forest!?” They all shouted as a group. The forest had tall, dark oak trees that loomed over us. The canopy blocked out any natural light, making it much, much darker than it would’ve been otherwise.

“Quit bitching and get moving. I’ve got an alicorn’s ass that I’ve gotta kick!” I charged in head first. Twilight wanted to do this alone, but she ain’t the only unicorn here that’s somewhat proficient with magic. Well, she is, but I don’t have the brain of a pony. I won’t freeze up when I see something dangerous. The rest of the girls eventually caught up to me.

“How the hay do you know where you’re going?” Apple Jack asked. “Twilight’s the only one here with a map.”

“I ran a diagnostic spell on Nightmare Moon, so I could literally just DragonFire my way to her location if I wanted to. I also ran a tracking spell on her. Since she’s a thousand years out of date, when it comes to magic, I don’t think she knows what spells I ended up putting on her. Unlike most unicorns,” I breathed DragonFire and walked into it, before rematerializing next to my new friend. “I don’t use a known system of magic, typically, so she doesn’t know what spells I used on her…”

I stopped. “Something ain’t right.” I looked around, noting that our path was now on the side of a very, very steep hill, and could almost register as a cliff.

“Of course nothing’s right! This is the Everfree Forest where… Nopony that one that comes here ever returns!” Rainbow Dash, the cyan mare from earlier, said, trying to scare us. She approached us with every word, slowly, as if it would add to how scared we all would be. “Though, why aren’t you scared?”

“Oh, I am,” I admitted. “I was always scared of the woods growing up. However, I have a goal in mind, and goals don’t get met if I cower in a corner like a little bitch-OH SHIT!” The ground gave out from underneath us. Everyone was scrambling to regain their footing. The pegasi of our group immediately took to the air. One by one, starting with Pinkie, they started saving everyone. Coincidentally, they were only saving the locals of Ponyville… Yay me. Apple Jack actually managed to stop herself by grabbing onto a root with her teeth.

I immediately lit my horn up and applied Friction, using Python of course, to stick myself to the hill and keep myself from falling. Now with enough time, I casted a DragonFire spell… well, I would’ve if Twilight wasn’t getting dangerously close to the cliff- Oh shit! She’s gonna fall! I tried to grab her with my Levitation… She’s out of reach. Apple Jack was quick to notice Twilight’s approaching doom as Twilight was now hanging over the cliff face. AJ ended up grabbing her, and dropping her after a few moments… I heard Twilight scream before she started screaming profuse ‘thank yous’ to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

They forgot about me. I rolled my eyes before casting DragonFire again to catch up to them.

I think I scared them. No, I definitely did because I made it down the cliff and rematerialized just as soon as Twilight was gently settled on the ground. My fire scared them because they all screamed and I was promptly tackled to the ground. “Ow,” I groaned. “Rainbow Dash, get off of me.”

“Uh… whoops.”

“Everyone good?” I asked.

“Wait a second… Source, are you secretly Nightmare Moon?” Rainbow asked. “You just did the same thing she did!”

“...No. The spell Nightmare Moon uses to turn into clouds… Is really complex, and admittedly, a really archaic way to do what she’s doing. Did you not see me do what I just did earlier?”

“No…” She shook her head.

“Ah thought you were still falling,” Apple Jack said as she hopped down from ledge to ledge. If she were a unicorn she woulda broke her legs by doing that. Before she made her last jump, I casted a Teleport on her, and teleported her to us. “Whoa!” She quickly caught her bearings. “Ah had it covered, Source!”

“And I wanted to be a gentlecolt and save you the hassle. Nobody, that I know of, can jump down from ledge to ledge like that, without getting hurt in some capacity. I was just looking out for ya.”

“Ah know, which is why Ah won’t give you a hard time about it.”

“So…” Rarity, the white unicorn, brushed up beside me. “You’re dating Princess Celestia…”

“I am. Why are you giving me that look?” She was giving me the same look Celestia does when she’s trying to seduce me into giving her my sandwich. It never worked, a man’s love for a good sandwich is second to none, after all.

“Well… you clearly seem like a gentlecolt, if you helping Apple Jack down the cliff is anything to go by. Perhaps… You would be interested in another mare or two? Herds are still quite-”

“Hold up, madam. WHAT?!”

“...Twilight did mention to me that you are a foreigner. Do ponies overseas not do herds?”

“Of course not! Secondly, this is the first time you’ve gone out of your way to talk to me. Thirdly, Apple Jack’s prettier than you are. Lastly, Celestia is the only mare for me. And if she were fine with a herd, I would tell her before I even think about telling another mare, to their face, I find them attractive.”

“...Wait, you think that Apple Jack attractive?”

“She’s pretty nice, but she’s more like a bro than somebody I’d date. Fun as fuck to hangout with, same with the rest of her family honestly… I would happily sit down with her, have a cider, and eventually probably find her really attractive. Celestia… It sounds generic, of a stallion to say this, but Celestia literally glows, and also quite literally lights up my world. It’s why I’m dead set on fighting another damned alicorn just to rescue her, even if I know I’ll probably- IS THAT A FUCKING MANTICORE!?

I brought up a Python Shield just in time to stop a lion paw from taking mine or Rarity’s head off.

“HOLY FUCK!” I teleported Rarity over to the rest of the group before immediately halfing my body weight so I could jump over the manticore as it charged me. Every time I could get a good look at it, it immediately tried charging and taking my head off. “A LITTLE HELP?!” I shouted as I slowly started growing angrier and angrier. Why the fuck am I still with this group when I could go kick Nightmare Moon’s ass right now? I shouted before engulfing myself in fire. “COME GET SOME, PUSSY!”

“Wait!” Fluttershy ran forward before… stopping the manticore in its tracks while glaring at it. Soon after, we found out why it was trying to kill me. It had a god damn thorn in its paw, so its first response was to slaughter the first ponies it saw. I unignited myself and sat there while the manticore licked Fluttershy out of appreciation. Okay, that’s kinda cute. If it weren’t a god damn manticore, I would try and keep it as a pet. However… “Who’s a good kitty?” Fluttershy asked.

“Why? The. Fuck. Do. Y’all. Just. Stand. And. Watch. Me. Get. My. Ass. Kicked?” I asked very slowly as the rest of the group got closer to us.

“Uh…” Twilight paused as she tried to think of a reason. “I think you can take care of yourself?”

“...Y’all literally just stood around and nearly let a manticore murder me. Fluttershy woulda stayed out of the way if it were a god damn, overgrown sunflower trying to kill me, wouldn’t ya?”

“Look, we were just shocked that a manticore even tried to hurt ya?”

“I was shocked because you teleported me!” Rarity pointed out.

“Okay, that’s fair, and I did teleport you specifically to get you away from the thing that’s trying to kill us. Twilight, you could literally pick me up, with your magic, rip my insides out, and rearrange my bones in five seconds…” I took another deep breath. “Aight, screw it. Fuck the Elements, fuck you guys. AJ, you’re still cool; I saw you get a lasso ready at least. I’m going to…” I casted DragonFire before shooting off into the distance. “Bye nerds!”

I rematerialized in front of a castle. A castle that looked incredibly run down. Half the roof looked caved in, half the left, front wall had a giant hole in it, and the door looked like it got zapped here and there by a few lightning spells. The door was made out of wood, obviously, it’s an old castle. The once colorful stones used in the castle were now old, gray, and cracked. So of course, I decided to walk right in because this is where my tracking spell is telling me to go. I push a hoof against the door before walking inside.

What immediately stood behind the doors was a throne room. The red carpet was tattered and graying. I’m surprised at how well preserved that bit in particular is; dyes tend to fade pretty quickly and this place had to be really old with how torn down this place was. There were two tattered banners above where two thrones should’ve been standing. One depicted…. Two times of day, one was of the night, that was on my left, and on the right was the day…

Three hallways were on both sides, which probably led into the rest of the castle, but you know, most of it was destroyed. I could only imagine how beautiful this place would’ve looked in its prime.

The cloud of purple smoke funneled into the room… that’s what the tracking spell was tracking. Yeah, I know it’s Nightmare Moon. The mare herself rematerialized, and now I could get a much better look at her now that she was basically sitting in front of me. Her coat was as dark as the night itself. She… didn’t look all that different up close. She was actually as tall as Celestia is… Her mouth is full of fucking canines… what the fuck? I know ponies still have canines, even if they’re not as sharp as actual predators’ canines, ponies do have them. Nightmare Moon’s dental work was literally just fangs, canines, and all of them were razor sharp. I took a step back, realizing that I probably made a mistake, before remembering what I was going to do to this bitch if it was the last thing I did.

“Seriously?” Nightmare Moon asked. “I was expecting seven ponies, and instead it’s one measly little stallion that I can crush in an instance?”

“Where’s Celestia?”

“Of course you would be here for her. Worry not, she is being kept safe and warm in her Sun. just as she had done to me for the last thousand years, your beloved Princess will be trapped on the Sun for a thousand years…”

“...What?”

“You heard me correctly, you foal.”

I took a deep breath. Okay, Source, your girl’s stuck in the mother fucking Sun! All you have to do to get her back is fight the goddess of the Night and somehow get her to take your girlfriend off the Sun before you kill the fuck out of the goddess of the Night. Not goddess, more like the second coming of Horse Satan! I took yet another deep breath before sitting down. “Alright then…” I hung my head. “Please give her back.”

“Why should I? So she can raise her Sun when you could be basking in my… Night. You reek of my sister,” Nightmare Moon’s nose scrunched up. Admittedly, it was kinda cute. “You have other reasons for wanting Celestia back, don’t you?”

“Well, she is my best friend… and also my marefriend. All I want is to see her again.”

“...Why settle for the boring, blue sky when you could have the beautiful night sky instead?”

“This ain’t about if I prefer the day, or night. Personally, it’s just whatever my fucked up sleep schedule demands. I should sleep at night, but sometimes I stay up until sunrise working on learning magic. Sometimes I crash through the night, or for days at a time. It really just depends on the mood. What I want is my marefriend… because she’s my marefriend and I love her. And I’ll be blunt, I want to kick your ass, but I know I’ll probably die a horrible, painful death if I try anything.”

“You are braver than you are intelligent.”

‘Yeah, no. I’m just an idiot… you are weirdly civil for a crazy bi-sane person that wants to take over the world and make it so it’s permanently night time.”

“I merely wish for ponies to bask in my Night, not harm anypony.”

“But you put my marefriend inside the Sun…”

“You care for her deeply, I can see.”

“Please give her back?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

Yes, I know this is pointless. In all honesty, I just wanted to get out of the forest full of shit that was trying to kill me. Because with how amazing my travel buddies’ reaction time was, I will probably die to a pack of wolves or something. I know Twilight has an actually good solution, now that I have a clearer(scared) mind. So what I was doing was buying her some time. I laid down completely, head in my forelegs, and looked up at Nightmare Moon.

“Why do you even care for her so much?” Nightmare Moon asked. “Not one pony cared for me. Not one pony wanted to believe my Night was beautiful. Nopony took the time to get to know me. They just see what hides in the dark and I am to blame!”

“I have very few friends, Nightmare Moon,” I sigh. “I can’t ever see my friends or family again. Admittedly, I know it’s not good for me to only spend time with Celestia, but she’s really all I’ve got. I know it’s not good for her, knowing that her stupid, idiotic coltfriend is damn near suicidal. I probably need a therapist, but I don’t think I’ve seen one yet. I love Celly regardless and simply wish her the best. I just want to see her again. That’s all I want.” I need more friends or maybe a hobby.

“I see.” Nightmare Moon nodded. “Tell me, why can you not see your family again? You are only twenty years of age, if your physique and lack of wrinkles are anything to go by.”

I know, everyone was expecting me to fight Nightmare Moon, but you see, I am a pussy. This alicorn could crush me like a grape with her thighs alone. Honestly, I don’t want to try and fight her because I am a man and I am confident in my skills as a mage… I’m also pretty confident that I were to fight this crazy bitch that I’d be a splatter of blood in a matter of seconds. She was willing to have a civil conversation, so a civil conversation we had. I may want to die, but I’m not desperate to get murdered; Celestia would bring me back to life and kill me to death if I died on her from anything that wasn’t old age.. As it turns out, Nightmare Moon was actually a pretty reasonable pony, and almost wanted to give me my Celestia back.

“You came out here wanting to neuter me?” Nightmare Moon asked. She giggled. “I believe the right term would be ‘spay’, don’t you agree?”

“...Yeah. I wasn’t thinking about the proper terms or anything. I was just mad. Then I figured you did something to Celestia, I got even angrier, so I started swearing a lot more and saying as many threats as I could think of while trying to get here... Are you certain that I can’t just see Celestia one more time?”

Nightmare moon paused. We had long since teleported cushions to us, and had laid down in a side room of the old, rundown throne room. “I would… If she wouldn’t try to immediately put a stop to my plans. I… am truly sorry that you had to say goodbye to your lover in such a horrible way. I swear, by my own crown, that I will at least give you pleasant dreams of her everyday for the rest of your life.” Her eyes sparkled slightly.

“I… No. That would be worse than just mourning Celestia. Then it’d be like dangling her right in front of me, but I wouldn’t be able to even hear her voice again… Just… When she does get out of the Sun, can you tell her I missed her?” I asked, tiling my head.

“I shall. I am a horrible pony, but I am not without morals; not being able to say goodbye to a mate before their final moments… is heartbreaking, Source Code.” We both sat in silence as I laid my head down. There really wasn’t much I could do.

“My apologies, Source Code. I am sure that you meant the world to my sister, and she means the world to you… However… How long have we been sitting here?” Her ears flicked. “Blasted… Source, I recommend you hide behind a pillar or some other obtrusion; six little ponies are coming to confront me, and I doubt these ones are as willing to have a pleasant conversation with.” I didn’t even move. I… Am going to have to get used to not seeing Celestia, or hearing that laugh of hers. I laid my head on my cushion as I watched Twilight and her new friends… She made friends. She actually managed to make friends.

You know, running on rage, angrily running through a forest with six mares, swearing too much, four of which you barely knew really took a lot out of you. The coffee in me was running out, and after casting several spells with Python, I am tired. I was going to power through the day since after Celestia did the Summer Sun Celebration’s main event, you know, the sun being raised, was done, Celestia was actually going to partake in the festival with me. So I was going to power through the day, I had a lot of coffee, and a few rejuvenation spells I wanted to try out so I could figure out how to convert them into Python when I got home…

Now that there was no festival to be had, or Celestia to spend the festival with, I simply laid my head down and went to sleep. It was the only thing I could do when I was fresh out of magic; I couldn’t help Twilight if I tried right now.

Something was nudging me. What is nudging me? Actually… I smelled something with my nose. A smelly smell… I slowly opened my eyes to Celestia nuzzling me with her nose. Wait. Celestia! Did a big battle happen and kill me? Because there is no way Celestia could live being inside the Sun. I slowly open my mouth before kissing her nose. “Are we dead?” I asked before letting out a jaw splitting yawn. “I feel like I died at least.”

“No,” Celestia giggled. “I would like you to meet somepony though.”

“...How are you not dead?” I asked. “You were in the Sun!”

“Do you remember who I am?”

“In my own words ‘Sun Goddess’?” I asked. Oh. Oh. That makes sense now. Yeah, don’t question your sun lifting, cake loving, very loving girlfriend. “Who am I meeting?”

“My little sister… You may know her as Nightmare Moon.”

Wait what? I know Nightmare Moon mentioned… A much smaller, like about my size, light blue alicorn poked her head out from behind Celestia’s rear. Resting upon her head was a small, obsidian crown. Around her neck was a necklace made out of the same material as her crown, but it had a Moon shaped diamond in it along with a few smaller diamonds that made it almost look like the night sky captured in a necklace. Her mane, unlike Celestia's, wasn't flowing, and neither was her tail. Both were light blue in color and her mane only went down to her neck. Like most ponies, her tail went down to her hindlegs’ ankles. She was kinda adorable looking.

“Hi,” she said. “We Are Princess Luna. Thou are Source Code?”

“...Celestia, why didn’t you tell me Nightmare Moon was your sister?” I asked slowly. I nodded to Luna. “I know you two probably worked out whatever the heck made her wanna murder you anyways, but I’m just curious… WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?! YOU CLEARLY KNEW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?”

“I…”

“Celestia, I thought we were going to be as clear as glass when we first started dating. I genuinely did. You could’ve at least told me Nightmare Moon was real. I was thinking you were possibly fucking dead, while you were apparently alive, INSIDE THE DAMN SUN! You planned this out, didn’t you?”

“...I might have-”

“Celestia. I could’ve helped in some capacity, I could’ve done something if you didn’t leave me in the dark. When we get home, you are going to tell me what the fuck happened, why the fuck it happened, and if you planned any of it this out. Because… Frankly, I am a little mad. I’m mostly happy to have you back, but we’re going to talk. From now on, no bullshit. Nothing between us. We’re going to tell each other everything even if it’ll hurt. Because… I still love ya, Celly. I really do, but I need to know when shit like this might pop up so I can at least do something!” I took a deep breath. Luna was now cowering behind her sister.

“Luna, nice to meetcha. Hope we’ll get along. Don’t worry; your sister done fucked up, and made me worried sick about her. I’m not usually this shouty or mad…”

“I-I… O-okay.”

“Celestia, you, me, our private chambers as soon as we’re done here in Ponyville. Like I said, we are going to talk, and don’t think you’re getting out of this. I’m gonna be running a lie detector the whole damn time we’re talking.”

After the Summer Sun celebration, Celestia took the day to get her sister situated in Canterlot. Meanwhile, I was fuming. I was mostly worried, admittedly, but I was also really mad at Celestia. She has yet to tell me everything that’s happened; it’s only been a day after all. However, it still doesn’t sit right with me that I had asked her if Nightmare Moon, and by extension, Luna, was real. Celestia lied to me and said Nightmare Moon wasn’t real. No, she didn’t just word it weirdly like how she did it with Twilight, no.

She flat out told me that Nightmare Moon wasn’t real.

I mean, congrats to Celly for getting your sister back, woohoo! You coulda at least gave me a heads up, so when you fucking go missing randomly, and Nightmare Moon happens to be real, I wouldn’t panic so hard! Most of my day was spent simply fuming, and working hard during the guard training exercises so I wouldn’t be blisteringly mad at my girlfriend when we finally had that talk. With that said… The day was coming to a close, and Celestia spent most of it with Luna, catching up with her, and overall just being happy to have her sister back.

Twilight was apparently really attached to the five other mares that accompanied us on our journey throughout the Everfree Forest, so she was assigned to stay in Ponyville to… learn about friendship for some reason. How one would study friendship is beyond me, but I wasn’t one to question what the heck needs studying and what doesn’t need studying. No matter how seemingly stupid it may be to me.

When Celestia sat on the couch in our personal chambers, the genuine smile on her face turned into a genuine frown.

“So,” I said, tapping my hoof on my shoulder. I was sitting upright like a human. “Nightmare Moon wasn’t real?”

“I… Couldn’t tell you, Source. I hope you understand.”

“Why? So I would-”

“Wouldn’t get in the way! If you knew Nightmare Moon was real, and was planning to extract her revenge on me, what would you have done? Try to keep me safe, and for that, I am grateful, but my being captured was crucial for my plans! I’ve spent decades, centuries even, just planning this one moment so that I may have my sister back under my wing.”

“...Celestia, if you told me everything, including this plan that involved you being captured, so that you could rescue your sister from the grasps of dark magic, I would’ve played along. No matter how much it would’ve hurt me to see you get hurt, I know it’s what you would’ve wanted…” I walked around the couch and nuzzled her. “I’m really mad and disappointed, Celestia. I’ve hidden nothing. You know my actual, human name. That is something that I planned on taking to the grave for as long as I walked Equus.

“And I do want this relationship to work, and I want to continue it despite this being a huge, red flag for me… I don’t know if I can though.” Celestia’s ears drooped as I said that. “However, if we are going to keep dating, because I know I still love ya to bits, I need you to promise me two things, aight?”

“Anything, Source,” Celestia nuzzled me back. “I don’t want to lose your trust…”

“That’s the first promise. No more secrets. Is there something that is a huge threat? Tell me. Small stuff is whatever; we’ve all got secrets after all. However, if something important is happening, and you have a plan for everything then you need to tell me. At least keep me in the loop on what’s happening. Because while I may not be able to contribute to any of your long-term plans, I can at least stay on the sidelines and let what you have planned happen. Sounds good as the first promise?”

“It does… I’m sure you’ve noticed a stone statue in the royal gardens? The one that looks like an amalgamation of animals?” I nodded. “That is the Spirit of Chaos; Discord. In six months, he will be freed, and I will have Twilight and her friends try to stop him as a test. That is the only thing in the ‘long term’ that I have planned. Before that though, at the end of winter, there will be Hearth’s Warming, and the Great Galloping Gala. I would like to take you as my plus one this year…”

“I’m down… And hey! This is a start! I ate the last bit of garlic bread in the pantry. I’m sorry.”

“...That was my midnight snack for tonight!”

“I know… I’ll get you another loaf of garlic bread when I inevitably go out and about…”

“What? Why not retrieve another loaf from the Kitchens?”

“That is part two of what I want out of this. I’ve… realized how reliant I am on you. From living with you, which is a given since we’re dating, my food comes from your staff. I am even emotionally dependent on you. I want to try and not be so… attached. I want to love you, and be ‘attached’ to you, but I want to try and… finally work on my mental health. I want to be able to keep moving on, should our relationship not work out. I know how unhealthy it is for you to be the only reason why I haven’t offed myself yet.

“I am going to try and get a job, just a part time job to get me out of the castle. I am going to try and spend some time outside the castle and find a hobby outside of working on Python; I’ve made good progress, and I’ve got plenty of time to keep working on it in the future. I also want to do this so that you aren’t my emotional crutch; I’ve seen enough movies to know that won’t end well for us. From there, I wanna start seeing a therapist of some kind, so I can finally get all these… thoughts out of my head. Or at least, start working towards a better mindset.”

“...You… Want a therapist? I thought-”

“I’m currently mentally unstable, Celestia. I’m torn between just killing myself or keep living for my new friends, and my new family. I’m torn between believing this is all just a coma dream, or if this is real. Am I dead on Earth? Am I truly going to amount to anything now that I’ve been given a second chance of life? I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I simply miss life on Earth, but I’ve grown to love some things on Equus that makes me want to stay… I need help sorting these thoughts out. No, you aren’t gonna be my therapist either, Celly, that ain’t healthy.”

“I can arrange one for you soon, if you would be okay with that.”

“That would be perfect…” I kissed Celsetia’s cheek, now that she was laying down. “I love you. Don’t you fucking dare put yourself in harm’s way again for the sake of a plan. Or at least, tell me next time, alright?”

“I-I won’t… I am not used to being bossed around by my special somepony… It is nice to have one with some backbone for once.”

“Well, I ain’t a pony, am I?”

“I suppose not… However, there is something I was hoping to cash in on. One of your promises from before you were sent to Ponyville?” Celestia tilted her head like a confused puppy. “I believe you were willing to… service me after the Summer Sun Festival is over. And now that the festival is over…”

“Oh… You may have to help me a little; I’ve never had sex as a pony before, if you can imagine that.”

“Don’t worry, I am sure you will be a natural at it.” She leaned into me. “Come, let us go to our bedchambers for the night. You can show me how to…” she whispered something into my ears that made my ears shoot up, my face started burning red, and… Oh my, she is nipping me and everything! I felt a shiver down my spine as she carried me out of our living room, and into our bedroom before something… truly magical happened. It was weird to finally have sex, especially since I was doing it as a horse, but hey, I’m no longer a virgin! A huge smile grew on my face when our bedroom’s doors were closed shut for the night.

We both casted a soundproofing spell and… Celestia took her regalia off… Scandalous.

Princesses and Showmares

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I got a job. It's only for about eight hours a week, or one work day. Two if I stretch those eight hours across two four hour shifts. The job… is actually, and exactly, what I had back on Earth. That’s right! Your stallion’s got a job as a fast food line cook! Wow, I worked my ass off in college just to work in a fast food job for three years to pay back my debt. I work my ass off while developing Python here just to end up doing the same thing.

Wow… That’s life. Woohoo.

I decided to reapply to a Hayburger Al’Round without Celestia’s note of approval or any form of recommendation. This was a part of me trying to be so reliant on Celly. I didn’t need anybody, and especially not Celestia, to say I’ll be good at my job. I worked as a manager at my last job before… I ended up going to magical pony land. If Celestia recommended me, I would've gotten the job, and then my new boss would feel like keeping me even if I sucked.

I didn’t want that, so I was sitting on my haunches, in a line kitchen, putting sandwiches together with covered hooves. I could use magic, but handling food with magic always felt wrong to me. I refused to eat food with magic, and I refuse to prepare any food with it either. As it turns out, I didn’t need to cover my hooves with gloves(yes, gloves, they’re hoof shaped instead of hand shaped), but it just felt right.

Pony stomachs can stomach a lot of the germs ponies pick up while walking around. So all that you needed to do was clean your hooves, and then make sure you aren’t sick. From there, just don’t touch your nose, mouth, eyes or the insides of your ears with your bare hooves. If you did, no big deal, just wash your hooves again. Or wear a pair of hoof gloves and change them out for a new set each time you instinctively touch your nose.

The line kitchen was actually very similar to what I’d expect to see in any fast food restaurant. Save for the lack of a drive thru. The sandwich table worked off magic, and was a lot lower to the ground so ponies could sit on their haunches, but it was still made of stainless steel. Due to ponies not eating meat, there were no warmers for chicken. There were 3 rows of pans(Those rows can hold 7 pans each), filled with various veggies, namely lettuce, onions, tomatoes and pickles. There were also cucumbers, mayo, ketchup, jelly for some reason, and mustard in pans with spoons in them so that you can evenly spread the desired condiment on the buns. Above the pans was a shelf. On this shelf you had sandwich wraps.

On top of that shelf was another shelf where buns were stored, along with a toaster for the buns. It was an industrial toaster, so you split a bun in half, stick the two halves into the toaster, it’ll slide the separated halves on through and dispense at the bottom. Surprisingly, most ponies didn’t want their buns toasted, so it was rarely used. Since there were no chicken holders, like in a usual fast food restaurant that might carry chicken, there was more room for more bags of buns, which I took full advantage of.

I slid another order out before taking a deep breath. I only worked about eight hours, but that puts me through three rushes. The first is the lunch rush, since this place actually doesn’t carry breakfast. Lunch rush can last about two hours. The second was a rush where all of the foals were getting out of school. Then there was dinner rush, when most of the working class in Canterlot would be returning home. Since my specific Hayburger Al’Round was next to one of the mass-lift systems to transport ponies between the plates of Canterlot, and that we were in shopping plate, dinner rush was the longest and was usually the hardest one since most ponies, like humans, loved ordering for their whole family instead of just themselves.

I suppose some things will never change when you hop dimensions.

“Good work, Source!” My boss, Flip said, while patting my back. “When I first saw a unicorn come in, and they proceed to not use their magic, I immediately assume they’re going to fall flat of my expectations. Are you a halfbred unicorn that can’t use their horn?” He asked.

I lit my horn before repositioning my hat with my magic. “No, I can use my magic. It’s just… My M-Dam's an earth pony, so I’m used to working with my hooves. Never, ever, messed with food with my horn. It just felt wrong to do it, so I used my hooves just like my dam does.” Another thing, I had to do a lot of studying in pony culture before actually getting a job so that I could pass off as a a normal human. ‘Mom’ refers to your sire’s, or your dad’s other wives that aren't your dam. Your dam is your biological mother. So that’s why Rarity was shocked when I said I only want to date one mare, ever.

Ponies practice polygamy.

With that said, I was still getting used to saying ‘dam’ instead of ‘mom’, or ‘somepony’ instead of 'somebody’. I also have been told, by Twilight through a letter, that I swear a lot when I get mad, so I had to start curbing that to fit in better. Since ponies usually don’t swear anyways, I should probably work on that.

My boss, Pattie Flipper, or ‘Flip’ for short, was a bright yellow unicorn. His mane was light green and spiky, his tail was a similar style and the same color as his mane. Flip had some light stubble on his lower jaw that was a lot sharper than some of the royal guards I’ve seen. His flanks adorned a spatula, flipping a pattie.

“Why wouldn’t you use your magic? You said you’re attending Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns; you’re sure to be really good with magic.”

“I can, I probably, and easily could make four sandwiches at once by doing it, but food is about the feel. And if I feel weird about making food with magic, I’m gonna feel weird about serving it, even if there’s nothing wrong with the food itself.”

“Well, I suppose I can’t complain; you’re a damn good worker even without your magic.” He patted me on the back. “Well, I’ll see you next week. Just stock up your station before you go and I’ll close it down for ya.”

“See ya ‘round, Flip.”

I hope to have an easier position next week. Usually, like fast food back at home, you’re taught a basic level of everything in the store, and then you are given a position almost at random, or based upon where your boss wants you. Building sandwiches is easy… if you only have to worry about one per order.

I usually have to worry about six per order. Pony families are huge.

So, Princess Luna, or Celestia’s little sister. Well, little isn’t exactly right, since she’s actually growing back to her full power. The Elements of Harmony, whatever those were, had apparently left her in a weakened state, so she was growing slowly every week. It’s been about three weeks since she’s returned, and forgiven for all she’s done in a heartbeat. Right now, Luna is about as tall as Cadance, who is already taller than I am. I was going to be spending the day with her, since Luna was given the foreseeable future off from her duties while she adjusts to everyday life.

I was a bit hesitant at trusting Luna at first, but after seeing her at breakfast for the first time… She's a goddamn dork. She is a whole dork, and she is very cute when she is dorking out over things. I can tell she is being a bit reserved; I can see the hurt in her eyes everytime she looks at her sister. That look in her eyes alone made me actually wanna spend time with her, I can tell Luna genuinely feels bad about what she’s done, and is trying to atone for it. The first thing she did was present us… a burnt breakfast that she made herself. Like she burned water, the glass the water was in, and even burnt the plate… Yes, she cooked and seared the plate.

I waltzed up to Luna’s wing of the castle, which was on the opposite side of mine(likely because Luna slept near mine and Celestia’s chambers on her first night back on the planet). She definitely got traumatized or had the very unpleasant experience of hearing her sister… make some noise while we sleep together. It was the only time it happened, but I think Luna had enough of that as soon as she had the opportunity to get away from sleeping on the couch in our chambers.

I nodded to the guards, to day guards since Luna has her own guard force, but we haven’t had any recruits yet. I knocked on the door before being let inside the room by a dark blue magic. I walked inside to see… Luna’s personal chambers. They were more like an actual apartment. Celestia’s chambers consisted of her bedroom, bathroom, and the living room. Luna’s had an actual kitchen, that was in the same room as her living room, giving me an odd feeling… This place reminded me of my apartment back on Earth, even if everything in the room was way nicer, and had a darker theme to match the night that Luna preferred.

There was a balcony, though with curtains that almost entirely blocked out the sunlight trying to get in from the outside. The curtains looked like Luna’s coat, as she described it, before she got banished to the Moon. It was a nice, dark blue, that was split into two pieces. The moon was the center of it, that splits each time you pull apart the two piece curtain. I know for a fact, that once you step out onto that balcony, you could almost perfectly stare into the eyes of whoever was standing on Celly’s balcony.

From there, the living room had a… unsurprisingly, a coffe table in the center of the room, which was surrounded by two, dark blue couches that were a apparently the same color as Luna’s fur before she turned into Nightmare Moon and was sent to the moon and was struck by a rainbow beam of pure, natural friendship. The couches were a nice, soft velvety look that looked like I would pass out if I were to lay down upon them. The couches, and the coffe table were all sitting upon a very, very nice, white rug that contrasted from the rest of the dark colors of the room. It was soft, fuzzy, and was probably just as nice to lay on as the couches that Luna was laying on.

“Hello, Source,” she greeted.

“Howdy, Luna.”

“Such an untraditional way to greet your Princess, Source.”

“I’m not a pony of tradition, or a pony in the head.”

“I wot. Mine sister quoth ‘jesus christ’ at random once. What the heck is a ‘jesus christ’?” She asked.

“It’s a saying that Celestia picked up from me. She has no clue what it means, and I jokingly keep the meaning away from her just to fuck with her. It’s a person from… y’all have religion in Equestria right?”

“There were cults that celebrated mine sister’s name… and declared me a demon of some sort.”

“Oh… What-”

“Source, keep on topic. Mine sister hath told me of thy habit of getting off topic.”

“Okay, so Jesus Christ is a figure from a religion called Christianity. I was never christian, never knew the jist of it, but Jesus, I think, is the son of ‘God’, another figure that is the all mighty power up above in Christianity. I won’t get into the details, since it doesn’t really matter right now. Anyways, the saying ‘jesus christ’ is what you use when you’re surprised, shocked, scared, or anything. It’s like ‘I dunno what to say at the moment, because I am trying to process what is going on’. Celly picked it, doesn’t know what it means, and just uses it at random. Lemme guess, she said it at the start of a sentence when she very clearly knew what to say?”

“She did. She quoth ‘oh, jesus christ’ when she found a whole mushrump during breakfast. Mine sister hates mushrooms a lot.”

“Oh my god… she learnt how to use that phrase! She probably still hates that I won’t tell her what Jesus actually is; she knows it’s somebody’s name.”

We both sat in silence as we both now tried to figure out something to talk about. I could just about understand her archaic ways of speaking and she could just about understand more modern ways of speaking. While we can get along, we usually sit in silence for a few reasons. She probably thinks I still see her as the monster that took my special somepony, or my girlfriend, away. While I know she was definitely not herself, I do know that I did crack the ‘Nightmare Moon’ side of her enough to get her to talk to me civilly during the whole Nightmare Moon incident. She also knows me as the stallion that wanted to spay her, for hurting my marefriend.

“Aight, enough of this.” I got off my couch, trotted around Luna, laid down beside her, before literally dragging her so she would end up snuggling up to me with my magic. “Luna, I want to be clear with ya; I’m not mad at what you did. You certainly feel bad about what you’ve done, and you’re trying to improve. While I think it’s questionable, Celly’s judgment of character is better than mine ever will be, so I’m trusting her. So far, you just seem scared and unsure of everything ‘round ya, and you think I’m still mad at you, which certainly isn’t helping your mood, is it?”

“It is not…” Luna admitted. “Thou art not mad upon me?”

“Nah. The way you start geeking out over the night, or just talking about anything you’re passionate about, you’re adorable. Celly said you liked playing the flute, right?”

“I doth, I desire to regard I am quite at playing the flute; ‘twere the one thing I could do while being alone ‘i mine chambers at night.”

“Do you have your flute?” I asked. Luna teleported a flute in. It was a beautiful, silver flute that was… actually pretty normal looking. It shined a little bit. “Is that… bits of moonrock on the keys?”

“Marry; mine parents had this forged for me one night when I wanted to pick up an instrument. ‘Tis one of the few things I have yet another from mine youth. I didst not hast much time to be a normal filly; I became an alicorn at the age of nine. Mine sister was only fourteen when she ascended. Instead of playing with dolls, or thinking of boys, learning to play my newly acquired flute, I was thinking of trying to unite the different tribes of Equestria.”

“...Sheesh. If you wanna, or know how since I know you and Celestia can turn yourselves into fillies for a day, y’all can just become fillies for a day. Then I can foalsit y’all while you have a day of just being fillies for a while. Not having a childhood sucks; I would know since I barely had one myself. Dad died early, so I had to help my Mom raise my siblings.”

“Haply I shall take thou on that offer; I desire to truly worry about colts, or just mine mane for the day instead of worrying about ruling a kingdom…” Luna nuzzled me. “And I suppose, since you may end up becoming my brother in law, I shall treat you like a brother; I always wanted a little brother, but our mother passed away a few years after I grew wings.”

“Oh…”

“Worry not; I’ve had mine time to grieve. Now, I shall celebrate having a new sibling, even if it is through marriage. You will be snuggling up with me tonight; I always wanted to snuggle up with a younger brother for a change.” I’m not going to get any say in this matter, and I don’t think I will complain. This is the most progress we’ve made in trying to get along better than we’ve had in the last three weeks. Luna brought the flute up to her mouth, before grabbing it with her hooves. I raised an eyebrow. “Playing an instrument with magic feels wrong.”

“Fair enough. I just didn’t expect a princess to consider using their magic for certain aspects in life to be rather… A weird feeling. I feel odd with just handling anything edible or any cups. I’m sure Celestia told you about where I come from?”

“She hath, thou are from a place bid Earth, and thou are not originally a pony at all, correct?”

“Pretty much,” I nodded. “So, you were gonna play something?” Luna nodded, before playing… What sounded like something I’ve heard from a movie. It was hauntingly beautiful, even if it was sort of sad sounding. Towards the end… It got a lot happier sounding. I was simply nodding along; it was a good performance. Before I could even blink, Moon Butt had set her flute down. “Holy… mother of shi-crap. You’re amazing!”

Luna simply blushed, before getting up to give an encore. As soon as she got halfway through, to the best part, she put the flute down, and licked my nose… What in the actual ballsack? That felt… weird. Like it just felt odd. I sat there like an idiot with what is probably the dumbest expression known to man or pony. “I see why my sister likes making thou confused. ‘Tis something adorable, seeing thy brain freeze like that.” She chuckled. “Unfortunately, you are a taken stallion, and you’ve made your desires to only date one mare very clear; you are more like a younger sibling to me anyways.”

“Why’d you lick my nose?”

“Because I thought it would be funny. Why else?” Fair enough, it must’ve been really fucking funny. We both sat there for a moment, before we both fell on our rears and started laughing.

A couple of days later, I was sitting in a train station wanting to die. I woke up before the crack of dawn to catch the train that left Canterlot at the crack of dawn. I would rather have been snuggled up in my bed, watching Celly raise the sun before I had thoughts of closing my eyes again, before remembering that I either had a job, or wanted to have breakfast with Celly and Luny. Instead, I had to hop on a train for Ponyville to give Twilight a journal full of my unscrambled notes of Python, and then walk her through it. I was to do this, according to Twilight, once a month or whenever I made leaps and bounds with Python. Since it’s my own system of Magic, which isn’t complete, Twilight figured she should get started early on picking up my system. Why couldn’t I just DragonFire the copy of my journal to Spike? Because I have to walk Twilight through it.

It was fair, Python was completely new, but Celestia figured it out, including any new Python stuff(or spells converted to Python) after a quick glance at my notes. Granted, we learnt another downside to the system. Python, with the sole focus being for weaker unicorns like myself, was horrible for running out of a much more powerful magic user. For one, what it optimizes is casting speed and magic consumption in exchange for a stronger result. A magically gifted unicorn, or Celestia in this case, can already perform a spell that Python has, at the same speed as Python… without using the Python variant of the spell.

On top of that, Python gives stronger results for weaker magic users… but can actually make it so a powerful user can put too much power into magic and give them a really mean hornache if too much power is used. Celly had to take a day off because of it, and I got to play maid for her and care for her, which was fun by the way. The problem with Python was that it was very good, but only if you sucked at magic like I did. I may make another version of Python, name it Java, and try to work out those issues of overloading spells… Or make another version that took even more power to cast spells, as a joke(it will be completely useless as a system of magic), and name it Windows Vista or something.

Then give that to Twilight April Fools, because it isn’t celebrated in Equestria, but I’m gonna make it a thing. And I’m going to do it by developing a whole new magical system… Oh darn, April ain’t til next year! I got eleven months to develop Windows Vista, I will come up with a horse pun for it later, don’t worry, and give it to Twilight. I’m gonna rush it, and make it as taxing and sluggish as possible. Oh, that will be revenge for making me get up so early so you can learn a system of magic you won’t even need.

Sitting beside me was an equally tired Luna, who was coming along just to get out of the castle for the day, since, like me, Luna is usually cooped up in the castle with nothing to do. She looked to be having a good time, since I forcefully bought her a cup of coffee that she wanted anyways but insisted on paying for both our orders, and she was… actually enjoying it. I got a simple coffee with some sugar in it, while Luna got a nice, fancy espresso thing. It had whipped cream, caramel, and there was a damn cherry on top. It was really fancy, and looked like something Starbucks would sell if they didn’t cram their drinks full of ice to cut costs. She mainly got it, because she’s never had coffee, and it was in a shiny advertisement on the cafe’s windows. Needless to say… she was enjoying it.

Even if alicorns apparently didn’t need coffee to get the day started, or much of anything other than brushing their teeth and using the toilet. They have so much magic that they just don’t need to worry about needing to stay awake. On top of that, Luna can apparently, and easily, control when she sleeps as it’s part of her realm of magic, which fits her type of magic into the miscellaneous systems of magic. Basically, she didn’t need the coffee, but boy did she want it. I even got a side-eye when I made her let me pay for her drink.

“Thou doth wot that I am a princess, correct? I hast access to the treasury. From what Tia is telling me, thou compose minimum wage, and work one day a week. Thou also adamantly refuse to compose use of the treasury yourself e’en though mine sister hath granted thou access to it. I could’ve paid for both our possets. It would not have been… a ‘big deal’ as modern ponies would say.”

“And I would feel bad if I made you pay for my drink. I’m exempted from taxes, something my boss was surprised about. I’ve got no rent, food, or even just simple bills since Celestia made me move into the castle the very second we started dating. All my food comes from the castle, I sleep in the castle, and I live and do whatever the heck in the castle. Even though you just came back from the Moon, you still have partial ownership of said castle and everything in it. Y’all essentially gave me everything I could ever need and want, so that I could focus on making new magical spells, or just happily live my life by doing nothing. Let me at least try and make it up every now and then, such as letting me buy you your coffee.”

Luna nuzzled me. “I am glad to see that thou are at least a pony that tries to earn his keep. I’ve seen what the Blueblood bloodline hath become, and I am less than impressed.” She eyed my notebook in my saddlebags, before pulling it out and reading it over. “Mine, mine. Thou has actually made a new system of magic. Belike I shall get the chance to wot it while we are visiting Twilight Sparkle?”

“I can teach ya, but I don’t think you’d get much out of it.”

“Why is that?”

“Celly put too much power in, while using that system of magic, spent all day with a hornache. It was awful, because she wasn’t actually having fun. She actually resorted to an ancient swear word or three when it occasionally kicked up. It at least made me feel… a little good? I was just happy to finally be able to dote on my girlfriend and care for her until she gets better. Got to give her tofu soup, some nuzzles and snuggles, all the likes to help with a headache… except it’s a hornache instead.”

“She does know how to counter thee better because of her knowledge in thy craft.” Luna proceeded to read my notes over again. “But your understanding of magic must be vast if thou are making new systems… “Python?”

“It’s a human thing that I named the system after. And… I’m mostly brute forcing it into being. So far, I’ve got fifty-six spells converted into Python, which is enough to keep me happy for now. I won’t stop until I’ve made a hundred spells and made a proper textbook on Python.” We boarded the train once we were allowed to actually get on. Luna, surprisingly, didn’t opt for a royal carriage, stating ‘she’d like to experience a normal, modern train ride’ first. “Once I have everything in Python worked out, along with any disclaimers, I’ll officially release it as the newest form of magic… However…” I grinned. “Twilight told me I have to show her Python in person. So I’m gonna put a halt on making Python an official school of magic for now. I’m gonna make the worst magical system in the world, and then promptly name it after the worst computer operating system on Earth… I may name it Coral, after one of the worst builds of Linux in history…”

“Why would thou try to make spell casting worse?” Oh good, she didn’t ask what the heck Linux was.

“It sounds like a fun idea for April First.” Luna raised an eyebrow. “It’s a day in the year, on Earth, where you can pull pranks better. It’s not an official thing, but it was widely accepted. I want to give Twilight a complete version of Vista, or Coral… Coronet. Oh, that sounds like a fun pony pun,” I chuckled before clapping my hooves. “Twilight’ll get to experience a whole new system of magic, she will!”

“...Can I help make this system of magic? If thou are pulling a prank, I would love to help. I was quite the prankster back ‘i mine day.”

“Back in my day, my arse. You don’t look a day over twenty.” Luna blushed at that, before nuzzling my neck. “Yeah, you can help. I wanna get it done by next year, and yes, we are going to rush the ever living shit out of it. It’ll be rushed, and hopefully, awful to use as a school of magic. Since Twilight’s a bit crazy, she’d probably wanna learn Coronet anyways…” I hummed before working on how to use levitation… in the least efficient way possible.

Python Time!

So since I’m teaching Twilight how to use the current version of Python, Alpha 1.0.6.6.6, we can explore how Python actually works! Since this is coming straight out of my journal, it’ll just be a quick little journal entry. This is what Twilight and Luna will be reading together. The first page at least. I can’t reveal all the secrets in my diary, can I?

A brief summary of Python:

Python is a system of magic developed and tested by Source Code, Twilight(because she wants to be included as one of the only unicorns to use it in its early stages), and Princess Celestia. This system of magic is meant to make spell casting easier for us weaker unicorns, but also allows us to compete with our stronger friends. With this school of magic, I am able to at least stand at twenty percent of Celestia’s full power, or about fifty percent of Twilight Sparkle’s, Celestia’s protege, full power.

Optimize casting for power. That is the motto of Python.

So far the main drawbacks of Python is that most magically powerful ponies can’t use it without possibly hurting or killing themselves from a power overload. So no, Twilight, you can’t just suddenly raise the Sun by using Python. Firstly, you will catch on fire from trying to raise the Sun by yourself, and then Python will burn your insides, your flesh, and leave only your teeth after the Magical Backfire(MB), or a Python Power Overload(PPO), fucks you up.

Thanks to Python using the basic Runes that most ponies reading this already know, along with some new Runes developed by Source Code, it is very easy for any average joe to pick up.

These new Runes aim to make spell casting with said Runes to take less time, so you can focus either on the equations provided on the next page, an aspect it shares with the Hybrid School of Magic, or the one that’s revered as the hardest school of magic. Then once you get the equations down, you can put so little effort into casting, that you can worry about how much drive you put into this. Instead of being able to only light a candle with Runes alone, you could potentially light your fireplace with it… Or burn down a forest if you’re an asshole.

These Runes aim to also eliminate the need for lining certain Runes together. Here are some popular examples:

ER
TO
OR
ING
IGHT
IRE
YRE

Python, despite making it easier for spell casting, has another drawback. Whereas Runes Based spells are more relaxed with how you cast, Python has a bit of a problem with it. It needs to be exact with what Runes you used. You need to use Python’s custom Runes and equations in order to perform the spells in it. You can’t just Rune out DragonFire and suddenly DragonFire without Python. Meaning DragonFire is literally not possible in any other system of magic. Speaking of DragonFire, and other spells in Python, you can find the list of existing Python based spells on the third page, along with the equations and Runes needed to cast them. If you would like a more in depth explanation of how each spell works on their own pages.

DragonFire gets an explanation as to how it works since it’s Python exclusive:

DragonFire is the type of fire used so dragons can send messages, or scrolls, to each other or certain ponies. DragonFire uses a Fire Spell, a Teleport Spell, and a Rematerialise spell all rolled into one. Using Equations to avoid having to use all three at once. With this said, DragonFire can be used the same way as a dragon’s fire can be used. However, if you remove the Teleport and Rematerialise equations, you just get a really strong fire spell. This spell can be used on a user to enable quicker means of travel, up to forty kilometers a minute depending on the user. Source Code can get to about thirty five kilometers a minute. Thanks to the nature of DragonFire, learning this spell is crucial, as it’ll teach you how to Teleport and Rematerialise, and cast Fire just from learning how to do DragonFire.

Note: while using DragonFire it is crucial that you are familiar with the magical signature of whoever you’re sending a message to. Make sure you complete the spell while casting it, or you may just burn your message. Luckily, there are fail safes in place to keep you from killing yourself if you use DragonFire on yourself.

When we got off the train, everypony was gathered up around the town hall, gathered around a stage wagon, that seemed like it was something that was usually lived out of. It was a simple, purple wagon, with a full roof over it. The roof was flat, pink, and had a slight overhang with five stars marked into it; the center star, on each face of the wagon, was golden. There was… surprisingly, a glass window with two shudders with a moon and star design painted onto them. There was a very, very small, metal chimney with a witch-hat shaped cap on the top. The front opened up into the stage portion of the wagon.

On the stage was a light blue unicorn mare, who was wearing an over the top mage hat and a cape with stars etched into it. The cape had a collar that went halfway up the unicorn’s hat before it folded out. The cape had a diamond as the buckle, keeping it snuggling around her neck. The hat and cape shared the same light, though darker than the mare’s fur, color and starry color scheme. As the cape fluttered in a wind, that the mare was clearly making with her own magic, I could see a star and crescent moon adorning her flanks. Luna and I raised an eyebrow at that before deciding to head on over to see what the heck was going on.

Two foals, two really stupid looking foals ran past us, yelling about how the mare before us was the most magical unicorn in Equestria. They somehow failed to notice Luna, since she decided to wear a traditional cloak over herself. I rolled my eyes at that. Until I see another unicorn do what Twilight did, and rearrange the whole solar system, I doubt I’ll find anyone better than her at magic. As we walked up, we caught Twilight and the rest of her friends.

“There’s nothing wrong with being talented, is there?” Twilight asked Apple Jack, who was complaining about ‘Trixie’, the unicorn on stage, was boasting her talents.

“Howdy, ladies.”

“Oh! Source! I didn’t think you’d show up today!” Twilight actually… hugged me. “How’s it going?”

“Where is the real Twilight and what did you do to her? Twilight woulda glare at me and just demand I give her my notes for Python already.”

“Well… I figured I should try being nice to you. Your case… is special, and the last thing you need is somepony getting angry at you the moment you show up. Besides… after seeing your resolve to save Princess Celestia, despite how unlikely it was for you to do so, was admirable.” Twilight looked over at Luna. “What are you doing, Princess Luna?”

“We were accompanying Source Code; we wanted to learn how Python worked, and desired to get out of the castle for the day due to our current lack of duties while we adjust to modern Equestria.” Luna hummed while simply watching the magic show. “It appears that our boasting friend is… not too bad at magic. It’s flashy, and not the best magic we’ve witnessed, but she is not horrible.”

“She casted a teleport spell on those flowers… Those were literally just behind the curtain, inside the wagon,” I diagnosed pretty quickly. “It makes sense, but that’s far and away the most meh sign of Teleport I’ve seen. It’s cool that she’s even capable, but I doubt that she is even capable of teleporting herself.” I hummed, before slowly turning to Twilight who was a little slack jawed. “I ran a diagnostic spell on those flowers from here. Turns out that you can pick up where something’s been teleported from mere minutes after it’s been teleported to a new location. Try it,” I teleported the copy of the journal I was gonna give to Twilight into my hooves. “Run a spell?” Twilight did just that.

“It was in your saddlebags… I even sense that residual magic from where it was moved from. How did you figure that out?”

“Everything has magic, and when a thing is moved, it leaves a bit of its magic behind. From the diagnostic spell, you can run a spell on an object, and see if it’s been teleported, and then you can feel where some of its leftover ambient magic is. Trixie got her flowers… again, from behind the curtain. It’s impressive, but again, not the greatest feat I’ve seen from a unicorn. I’ve seen Shining Armor summon six or seven shields at once. Now that is hard… For me. I’m not very good with magic.”

“And yet you’ve got the nerve to say that Trixie is bad at magic?” Trixie shouted from her stage. Oh, she talks in the third person… Weirdo.

“Never said you were. You’re just not unique enough to make me go ‘wow’. Though then again, I wake up to Celestia raising the Sun every morning, so I guess my perception of good magic is warped?”

“Well, perhaps a magical duel would shut your foalish mouth!” Trixie gave me a smug little look. “Unless you’re too scared to try fighting the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Thou should put the ‘Great’ and ‘Powerful’ Trixie in her place, Source…”

“Oh, do you want to go against the Great and Powerful Trixie instead you…”

“Trixe,” I said casually. “You’re trying to challenge a motherfucking alicorn. Luna could blast you into a puddle of blood if she wasn’t a good pony. In a millisecond. Think before you open your mouth.” Luna actually pulled her hood back up, likely to try and hide the fact that she was blushing. That’s right, Luny, I see those cheeks of yours turning dark purple. I know you’re embarrassed whenever somepony talks highly of your morality… Mostly because you think you’re an awful mare.

“W-what?!” Trixie started blushing at that. “Don’t make the Great and Trixie look like a fool and just duel her already! Step up if you dare!”

“Bet. Hey everyone, step back a bit. Trixie, get off your stage and let’s have this magical slap fest or whatever.”

“Are you sure you can take her, Source?” Apple Jack asked. “I’m no unicorn, but even Ah have to admit she’s not bad at magic.”

“Meh, I’ll be testing myself anyways. I wanna match her spell for spell, but I’m gonna quickly convert her Hybrid Runes into Python; I wanna see if I can convert spells on the spot.” I stepped forward as the crowd began to back away a lot. Luna was smart and summoned a decently large fishbowl-like shield over me and Trixie as we started staring each other down. “So, ladies first,” I theatrically bowed before standing back up straight.

“Trixie will make you seem like a foal by comparison!” Her horn lit up under her hat, and I immediately knew what was coming. A Concussive launched from Trixie’s forehead and it barreled straight at me. I hummed, before using my own magic to drive it into the ground. With Runes, that would’ve been hard, but Python let me do it without any problem. “W-what the? The G-great and Powerful Trixie can feel your magic from here! You aren’t even strong!”

“That’s cool. Hey, guess what? It’s my turn-”

Trixie fired another Concussive, and I didn’t have enough time to summon a shield or grind her spell into the dirt. So I casted a DragonFire on myself before rematerializing behind Trixie. I wasn’t going to hurt her at all, that wasn’t how I was gonna roll today. She’s an overly boastful mare, not a murderer after all. “Peekaboo!” Trixie squawked before falling on her face. “Did I surprise you?” I asked with a cheeky little smile on my face. The crowd, save for Twilight, her friends, and Luna, had never seen a DragonFire. They were shocked. The two stupid looking colts that were hyping Trixie up had their jaws on the ground.

“W-what the b-buck!? How did you do that?!”

“Self made spell, from a self made Spell System. It’s pretty cool.” I teleported outside the shield and next to Luna, before rubbing my head. “Fuck, that still hurts my horn whenever I do it… I can do DragonFire constantly, but one god damn teleport is too much?” I grumble… I would rather get castrated than deal with hornaches, but hornaches meant I worked my horn out enough for the day, and it’ll be a little stronger tomorrow. Trixie was laying on her belly sputtering and squawking as she tried to figure out how to one up me now. Even if, by technicality, I just forfeited our duel. Trixie was starting to cry… goddammit.

“That was mean, Source,” Twilight pointed out.

“She was trying to kick my butt for saying her magic wasn’t amazing. I even said it’s pretty cool that she’s able to perform Teleports. It’s even cooler that she’s trying to entertain ponies even if she’s not that good of a showmare. She’s over confident in my opinion. If she just went around claiming to be a good magician and is trying to entertain people, while silently making a living off of doing so, that’s cool. Saying you’re the best, at magic, in Equestria, is setting yourself up for failure. Because what would happen if you claimed that and found somepony better at magic than you?”

“...I would get embarrassed,” Twilight noted as Trixie got her wagon closed up, before hitching it onto herself, and running out of town.

“And I’m not even magically gifted; I just have Python to help me contend. Trixie’s magic, in terms of raw power, is a lot better than mine… Fuck, I never tried to convert-”

“That was totally wicked!” Rainbow Dash tackled and hugged me. “I forgot you could burn yourself and reappear out of nowhere! It is so cool!” She squealed. “And then you put Trixie in her place-”

“It still wasn’t very nice,” I admitted. “But I got to scare a mare… I’ll go after her and cheer her up. I could see Trixie crying, and that doesn’t make me feel good.” I DragonFired myself before using it to quickly catch up to the mare I just made cry.

A Day in Ponyville

View Online

I found Trixie sitting next to a pond, her wagon was left off to the side as she was staring down into her reflection. It was a serene little place, most of the surrounding area was just bushes and trees, save for the small opening I just came through. The water… was crystal clear, way nicer than any ol’ pond I’ve seen on Earth. There was a small stream flowing into it, and a slightly larger stream flowing out of it, which probably helped to keep the lake crystal clear… Hey! You can see Canterlot Castle from here! I… just realized I left Luna alone in a town that’s probably terrified of her. Shit.

Trixie had actually taken her hat and cape off, and was probably set inside her wagon. She was wiping her face with her hooves, like she was still crying. Me, being a sucker for crying mares, figured it was best to make myself known to her instead of sitting and laughing at her for crying like a kid.

“Howdy,” I said as I rematerialized right next to the sad looking mare. She jumped a little, before glaring back at the pond.

“Are you here to taunt Trixie over your victory?”

“No, I followed you because you were crying and I felt bad.”

“Trixie doesn’t cry…”

“You are right now,” I wrapped my left leg around Trixie and pulled her close. “Sorry about embarrassing ya in front of all of Ponyville… If it makes you feel any better, you’re definitely stronger with magic, and it is really pretty magic. I was more than happy to just sit and watch you perform if you weren’t boasting so darn much… Or challenging me to a duel for some reason.”

“It’s an act,” Trixie grumbled. “Trixie does it to hype herself up and put on a show for other ponies. Usually when prompted with a challenge, most of Trixie’s adversaries back down, and then you didn’t. Trixe doesn’t have much, her own family abandoned her for following her dreams of being a show mare. Trixie does take great pleasure in entertaining other ponies… and sometimes the payoff financially is nice; everypony has to eat and all. Can you… teach Trixie how to do that fire thing? It would be useful in her shows.”

“I could, or I could give you a copy of the magical system I’m developing, that lets me do the fire thing. From there, you can learn how to do DragonFire and it’ll help you out in your shows… I had a couple copies made.” I teleported one from mine and Celly’s room to me.

“Here ya go.” Trixie immediately opened the notebook before reading it over.

“This… just looks like Runes.” She commented.

“It basically is, check the equations and look at the second page. It’ll teach ya how to do the fire thing.”

“This… looks really simple,” Trixie pointed out. “This is what you did?”

“With my horn, yeah." I did the same equations and Runes before DragonFiring up a bottle of whisky and a cup. I poured some whisky and handed it to Trixie. “This’ll make ya feel a little better.”

“Trixie doesn’t drink; it could end poorly.”

“One cup won’t hurt. It’s only a shot.”

“Trixie admits that a shot of whisky sounds nice right now.” She took the shot and smiled slightly.

“So,” I patted her back. “Wanna come back to Ponyville? Or you wanna keep on moving. Because if you wanna keep performing, you can in Ponyville pretty easily. If you keep performing, I recommend checking out the earth pony heavy towns; it’ll be really easy to wow them. Some small town folks probably don’t have a lot to entertain them, so seeing a magic show might make their day.”

Trixie sat and hummed, before a drunken smile began to slowly form on her face. “You make a good point. Can you pull Trixie’s wagon? She doesn’t trust herself with even just a little alcohol in her system.”

“I can go ahead and do that for you, I suppose. Back to Ponyville?” Trixie nodded, then we both got up. Trixie hitched the wagon to me, which was surprisingly easy to pull around… Then Trixie hopped on my back and rested her head right between my ears. Well, isn’t that just great? So far, Trixie is using me as a pillow, Rainbow might, or might not have a thing for me. Twilight might be warming up to me, and Apple Jack likes me. I have four pretty mares and Rarity that might like me. Or find me attractive for some reason, yet I have next to no sex drive and have a main bitch(Celly, I love you, don’t kill me if you read this diary. Though if you read my diary, I will have to kill you). I might be an anime isekai protagonist. New world, pretty ladies, no sex drive.

That sounds like a nightmare… wait no, I’ve actually had sex, unlike most isekai protagonists! That surely means I’m better than all those protagonists.

“Trixie likes your mane; it makes for a good pillow.” She started dozing off… She must be a real lightweight if one shot of whisky did that to her… I shrugged, whisked away my whisky, after putting the cap back on(can’t have alcohol fires) in some DragonFire, back to my private stash, before marching right back to Ponyville. The wagon, the Trixie on my back, and the fact that I’m not athletic led to me using a few spells to keep up, namely that rejuvenation spell and a strength buff. That made the journey back way better. You know, the area that isn’t in the Everfree Forest is rather serene and peaceful.

It was just a simple dirt road with bushes on the sides of the path, and the very light canopy of trees overhead provided a nice shade from the sunlight, but didn’t make it horrendously dark like the Everfree. The sound of birds singing their stupid little bird songs was actually pretty nice, and added to the nice, serene feel of just walking down a dirt road to Ponyville with a unicorn mare riding on my back. Personally, I would rather have Celly, magically shrunk down, riding on my back while happily snoozing away, but she's too busy with her royal duties for us to have a simple road trip across the country while doing just that. I wanna carry my marefriend across teh country, dammit!

The walk to Ponyville took a while, but I would say it’s worth it just for the feel. My Irishness takes great joy in just being able to walk through the countryside. As Ponyville grew bigger and bigger, I could see Luna sitting in front of the sign, staring right at us. I could tell there was a small smirk on her face as I grew closer and closer to meeting up with her. Before long, I was walking beside Luna back into town. She nuzzled me, before giving me a cheeky grin.

“You are an only one mare stallion indeed.”

“Shush, Trixie had some whisky, since I thought it would make her feel better, and it did. Then she decided to take a nap on my back.”

“I saw how Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were looking you over after your duel with Trixie; I think they liked what they were seeing. And Trixie is clearly comfortable with you.”

“Twilight did seem a lot nicer than when I last saw her. Also I refuse to date Rainbow Dash, or the rest of Twilight’s friends, save for Apple Jack if me and Celly don’t work out. They did kinda let me almost get murdered by a manticore once, and I don’t like that. Rarity apparently thinks I’m attractive, or is a gold digger, and… I don’t know why Trixie wanted to use the back of my head as a pillow. However… Son of a bitch; I can’t just leave her in a motel room, can I?”

“No, you cannot.”

“I guess I’ll babysit her until she wakes up.” I rolled my eyes as we kept walking into town, where we were quickly met by Twilight and her friends.

“Source,” Apple Jack started. “Ah don’t know how, or why, but you do realize that Trixie’s sleeping on your back, right?” She asked.

“Yeah… I had a chat with her, and made her feel better. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s seeing a mare cry. It’s why I went out after her to begin with. Hugged her, gave her a copy of the basics of Python’s Alpha, and then gave her some booze. Then this happened.” I grumbled. “I would leave her in her wagon, but then I’m sure somebody would take advantage of her while she’s like this. I will admit, she’s pretty, now imagine what would happen if somebody morally bankrupt found her in her wagon, passed out?”

“Ah can imagine it wouldn’t be pretty. Why’d you give her some booze, anyways?”

"Well, sometimes,” I let my accent start to thicken. “Sometimes it’s best to stick to the cratur, the best thing in nature for sinkin’ your sorrows and raisin’ your joys! Oh, what botheration! No dose in the nation can give consolation like poitin, me boys!” I whisked my whisky back to me. “As a lad, I had a few sips of this stuff, and made my mom and dad worry sick for me… then remembered our heritage and figured I just wanted more whisky…” I chuckled before going back to a normal accent. “Whisky can sometimes help out a lot when it comes to making somepony feel better. So I gave some to Trixie and-” somepony slipped off my back.

“Trixie’s awake!” The mare slid off my back before promptly taking her wagon’s harness off of me. She was now wearing a happy little smile. “And feeling a lot better. Thank you for carrying Trixie on your back…” the poor lass started looking a little down. “Perhaps Trixie should say she’s magically talented rather than the most magical unicorn from now-”

“Nah, the ‘most magical unicorn’ is catchier. Just don’t boast too much. Or tell tales like you fighting an Ursa Major… and don’t challenge any Lunas wearing cloaks.” Luna herself snorted at that, while most of her face was covered by her cloak. Trixie looked a little surprised at my urging to keep on using that marketing scheme, but couldn’t really argue. Being the most magical is a way better selling point after all.

“Trixie has to ask, why are you with an alicorn?” Trixie pointed at Lulu, before asking. “Are you her plaything or something?”

“No, I’m her sister’s plaything, Princess Celestia. Luna just likes the idea of having a brother in law, that she can treat like an actual brother despite the fact that I’m just going to be her brother in law.”

“...You’re married to Princess Celestia now?” Twilight asked.

I shook my head. “No, but I plan on proposing to her sometime next year. Or this year. Apparently a lot of horrible shit’s gonna happen, and you only live once, y’know? Celly will only get me for so long anyways. Might as well get hitched and see if me and Celly can’t just take a nice tour around Equestria as a honeymoon.”

“I shall be able to watch over Canterlot Castle if thou two hie honeymoon. It hath been a thousand years since mine sister took moe than just her Saturday off.” Luna gave me a grin. “Thou two are already sleeping with each other. Thou may as well propose to her as anon as thou get back home, yes? I’m sure Tia will be delighted by thee’s proposal.”

“I’ll have to take your advice… Give it a week or four, and we’ll see how I’m feeling. I may propose to her at the Gala this year.”

“Wait, what the ACTUAL BUCK!?” Trixie shouted. “I ALMOST ASSAULTED PRINCESS CELESTIA’S CONSORT!?”

“Yeah. I won’t arrest you or anything though; it was a duel that we both agreed upon.” That… didn’t do anything to quell Trixie, since something else dawned on her too.

“I JUST SLEPT ON YOUR BACK, LIKE YOU WERE MY COLTFRIEND, AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE THE PRINCESS’S BUCKING CONSORT!”

“Celestia wouldn’t have cared that much. She knows that I know I’m basically her property; I sometimes let her put a collar on me if she asks me nicely enough.” Luna and I just watched with shit eating grins as everyone around us started sputtering at that comment. “Really, being held on a leash doesn’t do wonders given my background, but hey, Celly wants to walk me like a dog, she can do it all she wants… while plowing my field that is. Usually it’s the other way around, with who plows who’s fields, but whenever Celestia plows mine, it’s a nice treat.”

Luna whacked me upside the head with a wing. “Source, thou are breaking everypony’s brains.” We both fell on our rumps before laughing.

I sat right down in the library, Twilight, Luna, and the rest of the girls were sitting at a table. After Trixie’s bravado, and after cheering her up, she decided to retreat into her wagon for a day to try and comprehend what she almost just did. Even if I told her it was chill. She just couldn’t get over the fact that she nearly attacked ‘Princess Celestia’s plaything’. Everyone recovered after I made that joke about Celly plowing my field, if you know what I mean, and we all decided to head inside Twilight’s place for the day since that’s where Twilight and her friends like hanging out, apparently. I looked up from my notebook, a new one I got in order to write down WME(Windows Millenium Edition), the new name for my new, horrible Magic System. I just made a Levitation spell that took approximately seventy seven Runes, and forty eight different calculations that were overly complicated. By the way, if you messed up a Rune or an Equation, it would straight up break and not do anything. By the way, it’s in Chinese, so most ponies won’t even know how to read the Runes, and they have to be exact with the tone of the Rune, or it will also fuck up.

That’s fucking right, Twilight, this Rune system going to make you wanna kill somebody… or you’ll be happy about the new challenge I’ve given you.

“So,” Twilight waved to me and Luna. “You two seem to have gotten along pretty well.”

“Well, neither of us have anything to do,” I shrugged. “Sometimes I try to help Luna out with speaking modern Eng-Equish, and we hang out every now and then. Are you implying I’m dating Luna too?”

“No…”

“Yes, thou art. We can tell… However, we must make it clear, Ms. Sparkle, Source and I are not romantically into each other. We treat him how We would treat my sister, or a younger sibling if We were to ever have one. Meanwhile…”

“I get to feel what it’s like to be the youngest sibling for once… it’s a tad bit weird since I’m dating Celly, but hey, I don’t mind getting to act like a kid every now and then. My brothers used to drive me nuts while I was watching them for ma-”

“YOU HAVE BROTHERS!?” Rarity almost shouted. “You must introduce me to them!”

“...I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon,” me and Twilight said at the same time. “Huh?” Twilight gestured to let me go first… Okay, that is weird, seeing this woman treat me nicely.”

“Darling, you said you were from another country! How hard would it be to write them and ask them to come visit?”

“My second oldest, or oldest, brother, depending on how you look at them, is around sixteen. Not even an adult yet… Never even got to be there for his eighteenth birthday… damn.” I sighed. “Look, me being able to speak with my family is… a rough topic for me, alright? I’m not introducing them to you anytime soon, if at all. I wish I could, but I can’t even talk to them via DragonFire, or even just send them a message.”

“Why not? Surely sending a message overseas isn’t too-”

“Ms. Rarity, drop the topic presently. Source is choosing to not introduce thou to his siblings for many reasons. We wot the reason, and trust Us, We see the hurt ‘i his eyes whenever he endues up his issue, especially his brothers. Drop the topic and never bring it up, Rarity, or I will make you drop it this instant.” Luna just said her first, full sentence, in modern English. My… I guess my future sister in law nuzzled my ear before whispering into it. “Thou are alright, yes?”

“I’m fine, Luna. Thanks for stepping in.”

“‘Tis not a problem! If thou wishes to vent to us, or our sister, do not hesitate. Perhaps a therapist? I have been seeing one recently… for what I’ve done. I’m sure they can help you,” Luna whispered.

“That… would be nice. If you can get me set up, that would be really, really helpful, Luna.” Luna nuzzled me again, before draping a wing over my back and pulling me closer to her… Some alicorn snuggles never cease to make me feel a little better.

“Hey!” Twilight just snatched my journal on WME!

“What… the… buck… is this spell?” Twilight asked.

“Levitation written out in Runes from… a province in my country. Except I made it so annoyingly hard to do, that even Celestia would struggle with it. By the way, I came up with that one, and Luna wanted to help out with it. Though I had plenty of time on the train, and Lulu used me as a pillow on the train despite having a tall cup of coffee this morning.”

“Why are there exactly seventy seven runes?”

“It’s Python, it’s meant to be longer, but give you better control of your levitation.” Each Rune had an instruction on how to reproduce said Rune, so that’s what Twilight did. Six or seven times before giving up.

“The runes aren’t even hard! It’s the equations! You made these!?”

“Yeah. I was bored.”

“...This is impressive, Source, but what the heck is wrong with you?”

“I was bored.” And I want to prank you and I’m doing my best not to blabber about WME. “I just wanted to see if I had the skills to rework an existing spell to make it more precise in exchange for less power. If you want an actual copy of my journal on Python,” I pulled a copy out of my saddlebags and handed it to her. “Here ya go. You take care of it, and I’ll give you an updated version when I make a leap or advance in developing that.”

“Can you walk me through it? You can stay the night if you’d rather explore Ponyville before you walk me through it.”

“...Yeah, I would actually like a tour of Ponyville. I spent all day, last time I was here, playing buckball and trying to kick apples out of a tree. Fun stuff, but I never got to see much of town before the Summer Sun Celebration.” I looked around. “I’m sure you all can show me around if you would like.”

“Oh! Pick me as a guide!” Pinkie raised her hoof.

“Actually Pinkie,” Twilight started. “I was hoping to be the one to give Source the tour; I had everything planned out for when he did eventually stop by to visit, it was just a matter of when he would come and visit. I just didn’t expect him to come visit today instead of later this week.”

“I couldn’t come later this week. I have a job now, and I was hoping to ask Celestia out for another date; a nice little picnic in Canterlot Park. On top of that, I planned on making use of this week to work on Python more and more, since I still need to get more… mass friendly version of it set up. I am down to stay a night here in Ponyville to help you pick Python up, but I want you to read the disclaimer on the first page before you end up actually picking it up.”

“You got it I’ll read it later; right now me and the girls have a tour to give you and Princess Luna.”

“Bet.” Twilight stood up, before taking the lead. Luna and I fell in line behind her pretty quickly, with Luna preferring to put her cloak back on so ponies wouldn’t start running away at the sight of her. Pinkie Pie was bouncing behind us, and frankly, I did want to talk to her, but trying to keep up with everything that a party pony can say in one breath is really hard to do. On top of that, what do I talk to her about? Pinkie likely has plenty to talk about, given her apparently being friends with everyone in Ponyville. Luckily, Pinkie decided to walk up to me and spark up a conversation instead.

“Hey, Source Code! Can I call you Cody?” That… is oddly close to my old name. I wouldn’t mind going as ‘Cody’ again.

“Sure thing, Pinkie. What did you wanna talk about?”

“Well, you said you were hoping to get married to Princess Celestia didn’t you?”

“I did. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you need somepony to plan the wedding reception, and I’m the best party planner in all of Equestria!”

“I will admit, that party that you had when Twilight first came to Ponyville was pretty fun. If me and Celly get married, or rather, when, I’ll let ya know, and you can help plan the reception… You wanna host the ‘New Prince’ party with that reception, don’t you?” Pinkie nodded. “Fair enough. Just… Well, I can’t tell you to keep me from being the center of attention at my own wedding, but I guess… I dunno. We’ll see what happens, Pinkie. I’m hoping me and Celly get married.”

“Okie Dokie Lokie! I bet you two will be happily married by next June!”

“Ok… So, how’s life going with you? It’s been about three weeks since we’ve talked.”

“Well…” And here comes Pinkie’s ADHD fueled ramblings about her daily life. It was impressive to hear just how well she was able to compress three weeks of time into about three breaths. What’s weirder is that I was beginning to understand her. “Hey! You skipped over the last three weeks of my life!” What? “Oh well, I’m sure everypony knows what happened during these last three weeks from watching the show. Oh look! It’s Sugarcube Corner!”

What the ever living fuck did Pinkie just say?! What show!?

At some point, I was being dragged into Rarity’s boutique, the Carousel Boutique or something. Anyways, she caught wind of me attending the Gala this year, where I’ll likely be proposing to Celestia, and wanted to give me a suit. No, no matter how much I insisted, I couldn’t get Rarity to let me pay her back in some capacity. I felt like a dick; I was getting something for free and I really didn’t like that. Perhaps I should warn her, since I have had run-ins with the stallion she wants to sleep with, Prince Blueblood, or Celestia’s god damn nephew.

I only haven’t mentioned him yet because I am compiling all of our interactions so I can make one big journal entry on why I wanna kill Blueblood, but legally can’t.

“Hey Rarity,” I said, while she was measuring me.

“Yes dear?” Rarity asked.

“You wanted to try and hook up with Prince Blueblood at the Great Galloping Gala, right?”

“Of course! He is a prince after all, and you are going to be a prince consort…”

“Yeah, Prince Blueblood ain’t actually a Prince. His whole bloodline was once related to… I think Celestia’s cousin, a long, long, long time ago. They found out that they were related, and to Celly and Luna about… a thousand years ago, and for the most part were good people judging purely on what Celestia had told me. The Blueblood bloodline remained close to the crown, and Celestia treated every single pony in that bloodline like they were family… until present day where the current Prince Blueblood’s some spoiled dickhead. He tried tossing me out of the castle once after he caught me sleeping under Celestia’s wing one night back when I was still just a student of hers.

“Then he tried tossing me out after he learnt that Celestia and I were dating. How she could ‘do better than that commoner scum’. I agree; Celly could do a lot better than me, but something in her head said ‘yeah, this random guy will do’. I’m grateful, and I’m more than happy to have her. I still don’t like hearing those words come out of somebody else’s mouth with such disgust and venom in their voice. If they were shocked that I’m dating The Mare of the Morn, then that’s cool, I’m still kinda shocked myself… Uh, I got distracted. Anyways, Prince Blueblood’s a prick, avoid him if you can.”

“Oh… Thank you for the heads’ up, Source. I…”

“He called Luna a bitch upon seeing her for the first time… Oh… I swear I saw Celly’s mane and tail catch fire for a second; she had dragon eyes for but a mere moment too. That’s only happened thrice, and they all involve Prince Blueblood overstepping or making a rude comment about somepony Tia loves.”

“...The Princess can have dragon eyes?”

“I think it’s a form not too dissimilar to Nightmare Moon, an alter ego that takes over when an alicorn gets pissed off beyond belief. Luna was demonized beyond belief, hence why she became Nightmare Moon. Celestia… She cares so damn much about me and Luna, that she almost goes… I think I would call her alter ego Solar Flare, Celly told me about it, but didn’t give her alter ego a name, since usually the alter ego would pick its own name upon being fully unleashed for the first time. I’m still shocked at how I scored her, like seriously… Celestia is so damn sweet to me, so darn caring about me…. And it’s really nice.”

“And done!’ Rarity’s horn lit up, as she was done sewing my suit together. It was a black suit, since that would probably be the color that would go best with my coat, without it being bright yellow like my mane. It was just a suit jacket, but it was built for ponies instead of a human male. It had blue accents that matched my coat, to split it up and keep it from just being a black jacket. There was a breast pocket for some reason that had Celestia’s cutie mark sewed into it. The cufflinks were bright yellow to match my mane, and a one on the left sleeve, and a zero on my right, as buttons. How she made the suit so quickly is beyond me.

“Go on Source, try on your suit; I bet you would look handsome in it!”

…Celestia singsonged behind me.

“Where the heck did you come from?”

“Luna asked Spike to send a message to me. It mentioned you getting a suit from Ms. Rarity here,” Sun Butt smiles. “Are you going to put the suit on yet? I canceled my meeting with Mr. Pennywise to avoid hearing about taxes; I hate hearing about those just as much as everypony hates doing taxes. Mainly because Pennywise’s voice is scratchy, monotone, and rough on the ears…”

“Man, I feel bad for you, skipping out on a meeting with that ol’ sleeze bag that’s constantly proposing taxes on grass.” I lifted myself in the air with my magic before slipping the suit on… This is the most comfortable suit in my life. As it turned out, there was a white, button up shirt that I quickly buttoned up, and proceeded to look at myself in the mirror… Holy mother of christ… I actually look kinda cool. The suit… is simply stunning. I turned to the side, and almost smiled. “Oh… if I had a short top hat, that would make my suit look complete.” Rarity’s horn lit up and soon a very short top hat floated on over and landed on my head.

The top hat was a simple, black tophat with a dark, red band going around the base of it.

“You sure do look… Snazzy,” Celestia hummed. “If you dressed like that everyday, I would have to reward you every night because… I am quite enjoying how you look, Source. Very handsome.” Luna just poked her head in the door, a small, cheeky smile was on her face as my own face started heating up as Celestia walked circles around me, got up to my ear, and started whispering about all her ‘rewards’ for me if I wore the suit during the Great Galloping Gala or any other social gathering we have to attend in the future.

Celestia, unfortunately, had to go back home so she could resume her duties. She nuzzled Luna goodbye, we shared a kiss, and she was off. Luna had decided to go pick up a book in the Golden Oaks Library while I waddled around town, before deciding upon a destination. I’m gonna pay the Apples a visit, since that was supposed to be a stop during the tour, but Rarity ended up kidnapping me and tailoring a suit, which went home with Celly. That was the place I was hoping to go to the most; I wanted to hang out with my bro, Big Mac. Riding on my back was Spike, who also just wanted to hangout…

Damn, if Shining Armor were here, we’d have a whole bro army that would make a certain Swedish man very happy.

“So that’s why Celly came home looking pissed off,” I hummed. “Wait a second, that’s a heinous crime back at home. How the hell isn’t Twilight in jail? Actually, why did she do it to begin with?”

“Twilight casted a ‘Want It Need It Spell’ because she didn’t have anything to report on friendship one week, even though I don’t think Princess Celelstia told her that Twilight needed something to report every week… She made it pretty clear after stopping that whole fiasco. I think Twilight being more than remorseful, and terrified of Princess Celestia, was enough to keep her out of the dungeons. Do you think you could try making something like that in Python?”

“I might be able to, but I’m not going to. Mind control is a fucked up thing and only monsters resort to that sorta shit. Or Twilight when she’s having an episode.”

“So, what have you been up to after you went back to Canterlot?”

“I yelled at Celestia for possibly getting herself killed during the Summer Sun Celebration… I got Luna addicted to coffee before we stopped in Ponyville. I still can’t make the perfect piece of toast using magic, which I’m still kinda sad about. I’ve made so much progress with Python that I might be able to actually release it by the end of the year, and I might do it during the Gala, or during Hearth’s Warming. It’s pretty cool.”

“...What was that about the perfect piece of toast?”

“There was a machine… from back home that was a lot like a toaster. It was hella expensive, but it made the perfect piece of toast every time. I want to make a spell that makes the perfect piece of toast, not because it’s useful, but because I think it’s a fun endeavor. So far, I’ve gotten close, but I can’t get it perfect. I’d say I’ll figure it out by next January.”

“You…”

“Are mentally ill, yes, I know. I’m almost as hyper fixated on making a Perfect Toast spell as I am when it comes to making Python, or WME. Don’t ask what WME is, it’s a surprise for Twilight.”

“Alright… It won’t hurt her or make her mad, will it?”

“Nah, WME is just meant to be something that’ll… challenge her. Remember when she asked about that one spell that was a few dozen Runes long?”

“Oh… You are going to drive her nuts with that, if you make a full on magic system based on it.”

“I know… and I’m gonna feel bad, but it’ll be funny. Twilight’s been pretty pleasant since I’ve gotten here, which is way better than the first few weeks being her peer.”

Once we got to the farm, it turned out that Big Mac was out running the apple stall today, so we weren’t actually able to hangout with him. Instead, I got roped into helping Apple Jack buck some apple trees… No, we weren’t having sex with trees. Because ‘buck’ has more meanings than it should. It can be a kick, a saying, or a ‘censored’ version of fuck… and have the same meaning as fuck. Anyways, apple bucking is what Apple Jack called kicking trees to harvest them. Spike got to hangout with Apple Bloom and the cutie mark crusaders, Apple Bloom’s little friend group/club, which he was all too happy to do, since that meant he got out of having to help me harvest apples.

“Fucker…” I grumbled as I stepped away from the first five trees. How the hell do you manage to do this all day, almost everyday, after the break of dawn to sundown?” I grunted as I started stretching my newly aching legs. Apple Jack sat on her rear beside me.

“Hey, don’t sweat not bein’ able to keep up. Most of the unicorns that help out end up not being able to do more than a few trees at a time. Twilight can get through a full day, but only with the use of her fancy endurance and strength spells. If you’ve gotta use those, that’s fine; just make sure yer actually using your hooves to harvest apples. We Apples pride ourselves on being able to do this all day, so don’t feel too bad if you can’t keep up, even with the use of some magic.”

“I can transport filled baskets onto a wagon and possibly pull it; I can at least do that.”

“Mmm that could work. Let’s try it!”

Meanwhile…

Apple Jack walked into the barn, where there were a bunch of mares. “Aight everypony, y’all paid your bits for the show?” She asked.

“Yeah!” The group of mares chorused. “Alright, Twilight, go ahead and start the spell.”

Somebody's watching me. I don’t know who, I don’t know why, but somebody’s using an Eye Spy spell on me while I kicked trees and moved the filled baskets onto the wagon I was provided with. I used magic to keep my bones from breaking after kicking enough trees, but that was it. I wasn’t using any magic to help me buck some apple trees. While my horn was lit up, from Levitation, I quickly did a diagnosis spell. While I was tugging along, I swore I coulda see Big Mac in the distance, kicking trees just as I was. After my diagnostic spell was complete, I ran my own Eye Spy on the magical signature I had picked up to… see a room full of mares. Some of which had popcorn… Wait, why were there a bunch of mares in the barn? Two more walked in and hoofed over some bits to Apple Jack… There were other Eye Spy spells, all of which had Twilight’s signature all over them…

Apple Jack found a way to make… porn I guess. And I suppose she and Twilight split the bits they made? Noticeably, Rainbow, Rarity and… Celestia was staring at the Eye Spy window that showed me. Even Apple Jack sometimes glanced over at it! Nobody else was watching me, since they were either all watching Big Mac, or some of the more attractive stallions as they worked, but the point still stands. I was basically live porn, so I figured ‘fuck it’ and purposely dropped an apple or two. I bent over for the ‘camera’ and picked the apple up, eyed it, and split it open…

Oh, that had worms in it anyways. I started running diagnostic spells on each apple after I kicked them into the buckets, and removed the fucked up ones, which surprisingly, there weren’t that many of. After an hour or two, I casted an Eye Spy spell again.

“I think Source Code is onto us,” Twilight whispered. "I saw him run a diagnostic spell, and if he can pick up on where a Teleported item came from, I think he’ll figure out what’s going on pretty quickly…”

“Do you really care though?” Apple Jack whispered back.

Twilight shrugged. “I mean, his magical signature is a pleasant color, his mane and coat are really nice, even if his mane and tail are kinda messy. Seeing him go at it is nice… However, he and Celestia’s consort and-”

“Yo!” I shouted. “I sure am glad Celly ain’t around to watch me shake me arse when I’m bending over to inspect these apples!” I picked one up, took a bite out of it, and looked the Eye Spy in the eye, before slowly licking it. I could see Celestia blushing up a storm, and every mare in the room once they figured out that I knew what was going on. I slowly went back to work, slightly annoyed that I was basically being used as a very primitive version of porn hub, but then again…

That gave me an idea. I could use crystals with Eye Spy to bring television to Equestria. That could be really fun. You know, this probably wasn’t a horrible thing to happen after all! Now I know how to possibly make money in the world, and it’s all because I am being used to sell my… I guess my butt? Yeah, I’m forcefully selling a moving image of my butt to a bunch of mares, who were now all staring at my screen long after the escapade. I was a good sport, and tried to put on a good sport, namely for Celly, but that was it.

Luna was watching Big Mac, very intently, before grabbing Apple Jack to try and figure out more about the poor bastard. Big Mac’s gonna have a stroke if he finds out that an alicorn finds him attractive, and wants him as a consort.

I stumbled into the bathtub in Canterlot Castle. I ended up kicking trees and moving baskets with my magic at the same time. Everything hurts. My horn was aching, I had a headache, my hindlegs hurt, my forelegs hurt. I got covered in dirt, and worst of all? Apparently that was fucking planned! Twilight had set up a soundproof, one-way bubble for her and several other mares to watch! Like several stallions, who wanted an extra bunch of bits, and Big Mac since he was supposed to be working, were actually all brought onto the farm to help out!

Luna, Twilight, each of her friends(Apple Jack left to go run the apple stand for the day apparently), and even Celly was there! Celly obviously kept her eyes on me, while Luna apparently really liked how Big Mac looked. Celestia’s maids had gone and gotten the bath ready, which was more like a really fancy, indoor swimming pool. The floor was made out of colored granite, white granite to match the rest of the castle. There was a statue of a male alicorn ‘spitting’ water into it, and there was even a full on filter system, as archaic as it may look. I slowly sunk down into the water when Celestia finally followed me in.

Yes, she stopped to watch my hips sway slightly as I walked.

“Oh… man I needed this… Curse you for actually…”

“Wanting to watch you work your hind quarters? Or your apparent multitasking? Watching you pull that wagon everytime you filled it with apple baskets was very nice,” Celestia hummed as she removed her regalia and stepped in. “If you weren’t aching all over, I would take you to bed the moment you are dry so that we can have some fun.”

“...You could just lick the inside of my ears and help me relax. My ass feels like it’s broken.”

“Perhaps you would like a day of seeing me buck apples… or perhaps… Luna?”

“Uh…”

My marefriend giggled. “Perish the thought! I know you and Luna are just really good friends, even if I will say that more stallions nowadays would probably find her attractive. If you chose to start a herd and you invited Luna, I would not be opposed to the idea; there is a law that says we can share consorts, after all. It wouldn’t be the first time that by law, myself and Luna were wives, either.”

“...Pony relationships are weird.”

“They’re actually quite straight forward,” Celestia’s wings spread out on their own and started floating in the water. “Well, it is for me, but only because I was born as a pony, and have been alive for so long. Essentially, as long as all parties consent, you may sleep with or marry anypony you’d like. For instance, if I, Luna, and you approved, we all would be in a herd. Though we wouldn’t sleep together because sleeping with your sister is strange. Or a better example, you, me and Big Mac, or you, me and Apple Jack were all fine with it, we could all marry right this instance and form a herd.”

“That is still so weird to me. I’ll just stick to dating you and only you. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to love multiple wives equally, and I would feel like an asshat for not being able to. Speaking of…” I doggy paddled over to Celestia so that I had easier access to her wings. “Whaddya say we get married at some point? Maybe sometime this year? Perhaps I can publicly propose to you at the Gala?” I asked before attempting to preen her wings. I may not know how to preen wings, but I did do some research, and I kind of get the why as for why you’d preen another pony’s wings.

For one thing, it’s a form of affection, and it feels really good to the winged pony you preen. On top of that, if you don’t have wings and know how to preen them anyways, it’s super impressive.

“Mmm… That feels rather nice,” Celestia hummed some more. “Wait…” My marefriend moved her wings out of the way. “You want to get married?”

“Yeah.”

“To me?”

“Of course, who else?”

“And you want to properly propose to me at the Gala?”

“Yeah.”

“...Oh my bucking Sun…” Celestia immediately scooped me up in her forelegs. “YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!” I think if we weren’t in the bathtub, she would start prancing in place.

“Celly… I can’t breathe!”

“Sorry!” Celestia put me down and started nuzzling me. “We will have to plan the wedding out some time after my niece’s wedding. I wouldn’t want her special day to be overshadowed by mine, do we?”

“No, that wouldn’t be fair to Cadance… I’m gonna have to spend more time with her. We’ve only hung out once, and Cadance did seem like a nice pony after she realized that I do, in fact, love you.”

“I will schedule a day for you two to spend the day together… However, we are making sure you have a really nice suit, and that I have a very pretty dress for when you propose to me at the Gala… Perhaps Luna would like to pick up one duty, mostly as a favor, and greet the nobles as they come up to the Gala, so that the two of us may share a dance? Perhaps make an announcement… You will be able to handle being the center of attention, correct?”

“If I go in, knowing that I’ll be the center of attention, I’ll be embarrassed, and a little scared, but I won’t have a fun panic attack like when we got dropped right into a shitload of reporters. At least with this, I can mentally prepare for it.”

Celestia nodded before taking us both out of the bath, after she dried us both off with a spell. “Now, off to bed, I owe you some ear grooming, and you are going to preen my wings, you little surprise-filled ball of fluff.” I nodded along like an idiot before being dragged off to bed with the most wonderful mare in the world.

How to Dye Your Prince Blueblood Blue(and Purple)

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So, I very briefly mentioned Prince Blueblood, Celestia’s very, very, very far distant nephew. It was honestly a shocker that Celly had a nephew, but then I learnt how far removed he was. So that made three relatives of Celly that I now know of. This includes, in order of actually being related to my marefriend, Luna, Blueblood, and Cadance. Cadance was actually adopted shortly after she became an alicorn, which she happily took in full. Essentially everypony related to Cadance soon became Celestia’s cousins and whatever the hecks.

Blueblood’s whole bloodline was actually related to Celestia’s half cousin from before she became an alicorn. Meaning they weren’t related to Luna in any way, beyond the first Bluebloods possibly sharing a great grand-dam with her. So they were very far removed as far as relatives were concerned, but the whole Blueblood family still clung, like a crazy, stalker ex-girlfriend, clung onto the fact that they were related to Princess Celestia! So they were still wealthy, mainly from various businesses that each pony in the family runs, and have some miniscule amount of political power, even if it became nearly nonexistent after Luna came back down.

I get along well with Luna, she’s very nice, and a little nerdy once you break down her walls. She treats me like I am genuinely her little brother, and I’m perfectly okay with being the younger sibling, even if our relationship is a bit odd since I am technically Celly’s consort, not somepony to be treated like a little brother, but Luna still treats me as such. In other words, Luna’s a sweetheart and I can tell that she wants to improve herself and make do on the horrible things she’s done… She still sometimes shows up to mine and Celly’s door with breakfast, and it’s starting to get almost edible.

Princess Cadance isn’t somepony I got to interact with very often, but today I am going to be able to actually hangout with. From what I’ve seen, so far, is that she’s actually really protective of her auntie, and is actually super nice once she figured out that I do genuinely love Celly. I’m putting my day with Cadance in the same journal entry, even though it’s happened weeks ago now, simply so you can get some context to how nice Celly’s relatives usually are. Mostly so you can then understand how the heck I ended up getting into a little hissy fit with Blueblood.

I set my journal down, as I had actually been awake for far longer than Celly had, she was still asleep, and snoring like a kitten. I nuzzled her, before getting up to take care of my business. Since Celly was essentially one with the Sun, or something like that, she had a really good internal clock, and she should be waking up soon to raise the sun. This meant I had at least six minutes to take a piss, and a dump. Mostly a dump since Celly ended up making tacos, that almost tasted like actual mexican tacos, and it was pretty cool. However, like any taco, no matter if it’s Mexican, or Taco Bell, it will make your ass ready to kill itself the next day.

…Man I would kill for a shitty beef burrito out of a Taco Bell. Well, I can’t really get that ever again, so I guess Celly’s cooking will have to do. However, it’s my turn next time we decide to sit down and have a not so fancy dinner that either of us end up cooking for dinner. So that means I will figure out how to make burritos, since Equestria doesn’t have those for some reason, and make some American burritos for Celly, so then it will be her turn to have her butt reek hell upon the inside of a toilet bowl…

Just like mine was right now. When I left the bathroom I noticed that Celestia was actually getting up, using a wing to stroke where I would usually be if I were still asleep, before noticing I wasn’t there. That was a semi-common occurrence, with me having work once a week, along with my occasional ‘brainfart’ moments where I wake up in the middle of the night and immediately go into the magical training room to keep working on WME or Python depending on the day. I was going to hold off on Python, but I was hoping to somehow take the elements of both WME and Python and eventually work them into something better… Or just so I can get either spell system done before the end of the year. Python was damn close to being good enough to release, but I wanted it to be perfect.

WME was going to be a rush job of a spell system that me and Luna both mutually agreed was horrible. Luna could barely manage casting Levitate consistently, so that should tell you how hard WME is… until Luna pointed something out. As it turns out, my stupid, stupid spell system… Well, I’ll describe it later, since I have a marefriend to surprise.

My marefriend didn’t even blink twice at me being missing… but looked a little disappointed. I felt my heart twist slightly at that. So that’s what I do to Celly whenever I wake up early… I am going to work on my sleep schedule. It is quite nice to wake up to being snuggled into Celelstia’s side just as she’s waking up, or to watch her raise the Sun. Sunny got to her hooves soon after, ignoring her regalia, as it really wasn’t that important for raising the sun, and I soon tiptoed after her onto the balcony. Luna was standing on her balcony, and her ears perked slightly when she noticed the stupid, blue unicorn approaching her sister from behind. However, beyond that, or Celestia’s ears perking. Neither seemed to pay attention to my presence.

I started using Levitate on my Hooves, and through Python, I essentially had my own hover shoes, which was really cool. I wanted to call it Hover, but apparently this was just a more advanced application of Levitate. I simply stood behind Celestia while she raised the sun, in the air, with a cheeky little grin on my face. Luna flashed me a quick, toothy grin, which finally made Celestia crack.

“Sister! Why are you smirking?!” Celly shouted.

“You seemed a little down this morning, Tia. I believe somepony is trying to make you happier.”

“I woke up to Source having already started his day… of course I’m a little…” Celly stopped and I could hear her actually sniff at the air like a bloodhound. Before she turned around and came nose to nose with me. Celly looked shocked for just a moment, before I leaned forward and kissed her directly on the nose. The Sun went up and down three times while I was kissing the Sun Goddess that I was fortunate enough to call my marefriend. I also figured that Celly was going to get a few concerned letters later about the Sun being taken down and put back into place rapidly, really quickly.

“Good morning, dear,” I whispered as I leaned in and nuzzled her cheek. “Did you sleep well?”

“SOURCE!” Celly yelled. “WHERE THE BUCK WERE YOU HIDING?” Ow, she did the loud, boomy thing that Luna likes to do sometimes.

“I was in the bathroom… ow.” I whimpered as I set myself on the ground and started rubbing my ears. “Man I miss my human ears, I like having more sensitive ears but…” I shuttered. “My eardrums hurt more when you yell that loud, Celly.”

“Oh… I’m so, so sorry Source. You just surprised me so much! It was a pleasant surprise, but I thought you had gotten up to go start out on your day before I could give you a proper send off.” Celestia immediately started doing right on her wrong by licking the inside of one of my ears, which did do wonders to help me feel a lot better about being shouted at in the Canterlot Royal Voice. We both lowered ourselves onto the balcony and cuddled until eventually Celestia had to go rule her kingdom. She wished me luck with Cadance, and we both parted ways with my marefriend heading into the bathroom to get ready for the day, and me heading down to Cadance’s part of the castle, which was really just a small hallway that led up to a very heavily converted guest room.

So, I said I would explain the whole WME thing before I ended up getting distracted by the opportunity to kiss Celly on the nose. So while I walk to Cadance’s room, I’ll explain why WME is randomly really good. So just Levitate can easily be used to test how good you are at being precise with your Rune Casting. So that alone can be used as a part of testing in order to get into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, or a test to see how good you are with precision.

On top of that, more powerful unicorns can use it to work on controlling their Rune Casting and get better control over said power. Because of this, somepony like Twilight can’t just brute force her way through WME’s take on Levitation. However, since Twilight’s used to brute forcing most spells(she's quick enough with Runes and the Hybrid system to get away with it), on top of her being already pretty precise, WME forces her to be precise to the literal letter, and can actually help a regular pony work on their magical endurance. Essentially, if you can get a Levitate out in WME, you’re insanely precise in spell casting, even if you may not be the most powerful.

For instance, Rarity, one of Twilight’s friends, is very precise with Rune casting even if she lacks power. So she can, according to Twilight in a letter, more consistently do all the Runes for Levitate in WME even if she doesn’t have the magical knowhow to get through any of the equations for it. So it takes power to actually cast with WME, but is just really good for testing ponies on their Rune Casting. Luna and Celestia can do all the equations, because they’ve got the power to do so, but they can’t be precise enough to work all of Levitate’s bootleg Chinese Runes consistently.

In other words, if Luna and Celestia keep at it, they can be so precise that they could probably cast a normal spell in milliseconds. Rarity could become so precise that she could possibly sew fabric together by the atom if she actually cared enough to give herself a hornache over god damn Windows Meth Edition.

Yeah, I changed the name to Meth edition, because you’d have to be a meth head to actually use this stupid system over any pre-existing system.

Windows Meth Edition is essentially the hottest gummy bear of magic. You do it once to see if you can do it at all, and then you never do it again. Or if you want a less spice heavy example, run Doom Eternal on a Nintendo DSI… that’s basically Windows Meth Edition while being used by a Twilight Level unicorn.

I knocked on Cadance’s door a couple of times. I know she and Shining Armor were going to have a ‘cuddling session’, since they were practically married at this point. My man’s actually proposed to Cadance, which is odd since usually, according to Celly, the mare proposes to the stallion, but I guess Shining does have some balls after all. Cadance opened the door slowly, she looked like she just got out of the bath. There was a bath towel wrapped around her head, and her tail looked like it was still dripping a bit of water on her carpet. Shining Armor could be seen slightly behind her, also slightly wet. I silently waved at Shining, knowing why the two of them just showered; I can still smell the… juices of their cuddling last night.

“Howdy, Cadance, sup Shining?” I reached out and brohoofed Shining Armor.

“Hey Source! We heard about what you and Auntie Celestia did! She was gushing about it at lunch while you were at work yesterday!” Cadance hugged me.

“Wuh?”

“You proposed to Celestia of course! To think that I thought you didn’t love her at first!”

“But I do. I damn near tried to kick Nightmare Moon’s teeth in for her… Then I realized how confident I was in actually being able to do that.”

“Don’t you have this ‘top tier’, custom tailored magical system that lets you fight Princess Celestia for a bit?” Shining asked.

“That doesn’t matter against Nightmare Moon, as much as I adore Luna, her alter-ego is horrifying and is a lot less hesitant when it comes to murdering me. Celestia holds her punches a lot whenever we spar, Nightmare Moon would kill me the moment I showed any signs of aggression. No matter how good Python is for helping me bridge any gaps I have in strength with other unicorns, I ain’t holding a candle to anypony that can raise and lower the moon, or the sun. Twilight could probably turn me into a puddle of blood in a heartbeat. You’d be shocked at how mediocre I am at any school of magic that isn’t what I’ve directly developed, such as Python.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re bad at magic,” Cadance hummed. “It takes a special kind of pony to be able to make their own system of magic… Even if it is sort of useless for most ponies.”

“Hey, if need be, I can hold out long enough against Twilight, if she were to wanna kill me, with Python. And because of Python, I have so many ways out of a situation, that I can get out most of the time because of how simplistic and quick you can cast spells with it. My system ain’t meant to immediately make it so you can win against some random alicorn that wants you dead. It’s meant as a means to keep you alive long enough for help to come to you, or to get yourself the heck out of a situation. If I were to fight Shining Armor, for whatever reason, I ain’t sticking around for him to crush me with a shield, or to just outright beat me on a purely physical level. Nah, I’m getting the fuck out of the area until I can either find a way to win, or keep running until I’m certain that I’m not in danger…” I hummed before my ears perked up.

“Y’all wanna go just walk around the park for a few hours and maybe hit a bar up? I would not be opposed to getting ahold of some cheap, shitty rum right now.”

“I wouldn’t mind either, though we’ll have to buy a bottle and come back here after hitting that bar. As much as I would love to cut loose and drink a whole bottle, it wouldn’t be wise for me to do it in public; I’m a Princess for starters, and you and Shiny would probably have to keep a lot of stallions, and mares, off of me if I were to get drunk.”

“Fair enough. C’mon, let’s go.”

We strolled through the castle on the way back from the bar. We ended up getting a nice, strawberry flavored rum because it just seemed good at the time. I think Cadance might have ADHD, since she saw it, the strawberry rum, stared at it, and immediately purchased it on impulse rather than getting her favorite, raspberry rum, alcohol. Hell, she even bought raspberry wine on a whim because it’s alcohol, so how could it be so different from rum? Well, very different because she ended up downing the whole thing and only got a little tipsy. She was leaning on me, while Shining and I simply sat and talked.

“So Twilight… Actually built forts out of books when she was a little filly.”

“Yeah, I even helped her sometimes.”

“That sounds fucking adorable.”

“I have a photo or seventeen,” Cadance said merrily. “I used to be her foalsitter; she was an adorable, sweet little filly… once you got past her shell.”

“She really didn’t like me during my first few weeks in Equestria… then she started being nice to me after she started staying in Ponyville. I think her having those five friends is doing her wonders. She actually looked excited to see me and talk to me instead of just snatching my Python textbook out of my hooves and sneaking off to the library to consume it and suddenly be a Python using goddess that forgot I existed after promptly doing so.”

“...Maybe she started warming up to you before she had to stay in Ponyville?” Shining asked. “If I know Twily, I know she doesn’t make friends very easily.”

“Could be that, I dunno. She almost hugged me last time we met, or she did, I can’t remember because I immediately partook in a magical duel.”

“Did you win?” Cadance ask. “It sounds like you won if you don’t mind having to get into a duel.”

“I made the poor mare cry, and because I am a sucker, I felt bad and went after her. She slept on my back on the way back to Ponyville while I pulled her wagon.”

“Hehehe…” Cadance lifted her empty cup and took a sip from it. “Sounds like you’re going to start a herd.” Cadance, you’re drunk, go to sleep.

Yeah, so Cadance likes to use me as a pillow when she gets a little tipsy, apparently. She only used my shoulder because Shiny’s shoulders are too hard from all that being the captain of the Royal Guard and stuff. I’m still a little soft and squishy, despite me joining in on guard training, and the occasional sparring match with Celery Sticks, yes that’s a new nickname for Celestia because she really hates celery. By the time I was done hanging out with Cadance, it was around time for Day Court. Luna was supposed to be joining in and helping her sister today; a chance to learn how to perform court in a more modern era.

When I walked into the courtroom, which was a carbon copy of the throne room, save for the throne. Same mosaic windows, same red carpet leading up to the head of the room, which instead of a throne, was a judge stand, a two tiered judge stand, the middle, tallest tier, was meant for Celestia, or Luna, both of whom were sitting together on the same chair. Admittedly, it was kinda funny, and kinda adorable, because the chair was only meant to fit one alicorn at a time. So Luna had to sit there, with a somewhat unamused expression, while being thoroughly embarrassed in public.

Occasionally, while the current petitioner spoke(I cut the line and immediately sat in the jury section where only a hoof-full of ponies were sitting), Celly would nuzzle Luna’s cheek, or the inside of her ear, and kept a wing draped over her younger sister. It was adorable, and Luna… was none-too happy to be in the position she was. On one hoof, I knew Luna loved snuggling up with Celly whenever she got the chance, on the other, Celestia had a little smirk, almost unnoticed, and I knew why. Despite being two, damn near immortal, alicorns, they were still sisters, and Celestia at heart, was an older sibling.

If I know anything from experience as the eldest of my siblings, I knew I loved embarrassing them in public. Celestia could do that, help her sister adjust to a more modern way of ruling, while snuggling up with her, and she knew that Luna was secretly enjoying the moment.

Luna, despite being publicly, and thoroughly, embarrassed, read over a document that I’m assuming the petitioner had provided… Until… “Thou are saying though would like to purchase a plot of land, ‘i Canterlot, that consists of a residential area? Not to become a landlord to rent out some of the homes to other families, but to build a dock for thy airships? Thou art not aware that each of these homes are owned by far less fortunate ponies than thee?” Luna asked, actually keeping her Canterlot Royal Voice in check despite the edge in her voice.

“Yes, your highness. You see, I have far, far too many airships and-”

“Yet thou would try to buy out a neighborhood, not reimburse any of the issues that has been living ‘i quoth neighborhood for generations, for airships thou won’t even use for commercial purposes, yet to market a collection? Thou weren't going to pay any of the families for their homes.”

“Uh… yeah. I need somewhere to store my personal collection.”

“Yo,” I said, walking behind the judge's stand, and popping up beside the sisters. “Aren’t airships really expensive? Like a hundred thousand bits each at the lowest?”

“And just who are you?” The stallion, a rich looking, tan, unicorn douche bag. He wore a fancy suit.

“Thou are speaking to mine sister’s consort.”

“...What?” The tan unicorn looked at me for a brief moment with wide eyes. “There is no bucking way…”

“So, Celly, what’s the lowest price of an airship? I can’t make any calls here, but I just wanna ask.”

“I believe the cheapest of airships can easily go for two hundred and thirty thousand bits.”

“Aight cool. Lulu, your call.” I said for Celly.

“Denied,” Luna said, using the deny stamp and stamped her own seal onto it. “Next in the court!” The Princess said before handing the documentation to the dickbag, before sending him on his way.

“Why did you step in, Source?” Celestia asked. “Or make the call for Luna to make the call?” Celestia asked.

“Well, I wanted to know how much of a dickbag that dude is. If he’s got a whole collection of airships, and has enough to buy… a buckball field’s worth of space? Yeah, he’s a rich asshat. Back home… There are plenty of those, with way more influence due to how my country’s government was set up. It was kinda… awful, honestly. And when I told Luna to make the call, I know you would’ve told her that, and then you lick the inside of Lulu’s ears the moment she made a really good call, which is saying ‘no’ to that asshole.” I shrugged.

“I suppose that is fair… You do realize that was one of Prince Blueblood’s closest friends, correct?” Celestia asked. She took me off to the side, letting Luna take lead for this petitioner

“Meh, that asshole never liked me anyways. If that dickhead goes after Luna for that…”

“I’ll-” we both said at the same time.

“Go first,” I said.

“I’ll have a few choice words.”

“Huh, that is way better than what I woulda done. I was gonna beat the shit out of Blueblood if he started yelling at Luna. She damn near cried when he yelled at her the first time… seriously, what kinda dickhead calls his auntie a she-demon?”

“He said far worse.”

“I know. Now that I know Luna a lot better, I woulda kicked his arse right there and then...” We both spun around when we heard Luna cheering. She was currently hugging a mare and a colt, both of them looked nothing alike. In Luna’s magic were… adoption forms, while the mare and colt shared her enthusiasm. The mare was cheering about being the adoptive mother of the colt, as it sounded like they had gone through a lot of hoops just to adopt the colt beside her. The two jumped while they hugged while the colt was having his own celebration. “Yeah, Blueblood woulda got kicked in the balls a couple of times.”

“I believe we will have to keep Blueblood from talking to Luna for the next few weeks.”

So instead of Blueblood yelling at Luna for doing her job, the good Prince decided to come onto the guard training grounds, while I was doing the usual exercises. Celestia had a free day today, a very rare thing, so she decided to take it upon herself to watch me start working out. Not gonna lie, I was still a bit scrawny, but I was actually gaining some muscle mass. Now if I were to flex, you would actually see some muscle rather than just me being an idiot. Celly was watching from a special little balcony, since the Princess coming to watch her guard train is a big deal, and I could tell she was watching the other ponies present.

However, her eyes were, in fact, on my butt most of the time. Or rather, she was watching me a little extra closely.

Today is a day where you can’t use magic; it’s mandatory that every guard at least knows how to use a spear. Every guard, and me, was given a nice, long wooden pole, about two meters in length, and was actually pretty strong. I suggested bamboo, as bamboo was really tough, so that was being tested somewhere. I was actually not too horrible with one of these things, even if I was only good with magic because of how useful Python was for helping me push power into spells. However, this one was mainly hand eye coordination.

Sorry, hoof eye coordination, not hand eye coordination.

God I hate Equish. Not English, it’s different enough, now that I’ve gotten more used to it, that I can say they’re similar, but not the same.

I blocked Solar Strike’s left swing, or more like I parried it. The problem I have is that I’m still a lot weaker than my ‘peers’. So I couldn’t just outright win anything involving no magic. I can get nicks and smacks here and there, but I’m not gonna outright win. I swung left, like I was gonna hit Solar in the neck, which to his credit, he moved to block it, only for me to go for the leg. Since he had to hold the pole with one hoof, when I swung for the leg at the last second, I struck it, and I actually hit it hard enough to knock Solar off balance. I then went for his underbelly, running under it, before using all four of my legs, after throwing my staff aside, to bring him down…

“WOO!” I cheered before going to help my buddy up. That was the first time I actually knocked Solar down!

My guard friend was luckily a really good sport, he took my hoof and I pulled him up. “Ey, you’re actually getting better at physical stuff!” Solar patted me on the back. “Good job, dude!”

“I just-”

“Juked me. You juked me, Source. That’s a part of any fight, any grand battle. I still firmly believe you’re way better with magic than you are with a staff, but you can use one competently enough that if you somehow can’t use magic, you’ll be fully capable of defending yourself. I’ve been in the guard for way longer than you have been training, even longer than you’ve been a pony according to you. So seeing you become so decent so quickly, over the month and a half that I’ve known you, that’s impressive. Wanna have another go?”

“Well, I might as well letcha kick my ass; can’t get better if I don’t get my shit rocked every now and then, can I?”

“A blunt, and vulgar, way of saying it, but you’re not wrong, c’mon.”

After that, I ended up actually doing fairly well, Solar Strike beat me a majority of the rounds, either really quickly, or after tiring me out of a fight. I was pretty happy about that, even if I was covered in bruises by the time we were done. It was around five rounds that trouble came rumbling through in the form of Prince Blueblood.

“Source Code!” I flinched and promptly took a staff to the shoulder from Solar.

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered,” I was mostly annoyed about the staff hitting my shoulder, because dealing with Celestia’s nephew’s more of a pain in the shoulder than the staff hitting me.

“Oh…” Solar whispered. We both sighed. “Good luck with the Prince, Source.”

“I’m gonna need it.”

“Why did you talk to my friend the way that you did?” Prince Blueblood approached us and almost got in my face. My ears reflexively folded against my skull as me and Solar shared a look.

“Your friend tried buying a plot of land that contained Solar’s family’s house. I saw the map for the area he wanted to buy; your friend’s a dickbag.”

“So!?” Blueblood shouted at me. Prince Blueblood was a blonde, maned, white unicorn stallion that was admittedly pretty nice looking. There were only two stallions that I knew of, Shining Armor, and Solar Strike, that I’d probably date if I wasn’t straight. Blueblood was almost as handsome as either of them, but he’s a dick so he went from a fuck out of ten, to a tumor in the ass. “My friend, Rising Stock, was going to legally purchase some land.”

“No he wouldn’t have, Luna wasn’t gonna say yes to that, Celestia wasn’t going to say yes, and your friend being a rich asshat, or being ‘friends’ with you won’t change a thing.”

“And you don’t have the authority to-”

“I never made any calls, I just asked a question, and let Luna make the call. I just asked the question because I wanted to know how much of a douche Mr. Stock was.” I think I saw Solar trying to get in between me and Blueblood. I saw that Celestia was watching on, her eyes flicking between those… dragon eyes and her normal eyes. I rubbed the back of my head before nuzzling Solar, which made him jolt a little. “C’mon bud, let’s get back to training. I wanna see if I can pull a quick one on you for once-”

Blueblood just slapped me in the face. “I challenge you to a duel, right here, right now.” I started rubbing my cheek as I got over the initial shock, while everyone around us sat and stared. Solar Strike immediately pushed Blueblood back and stood in between us. I sat on my rump while slowly processing my options.

“That’s enough, Prince Blueblood. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Princess Celestia just watched you hit her consort in the face”

“So? That commoner should learn his place! He has no right to be even in the presence of Auntie Celestia-”

“Prince Blueblood,” I said slowly. I was over my shock now. “Get your stupid, entitled arse in the ring. I’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, that you’ll be tasting my fucking toenails.” I said very, very slowly. “Solar, stand aside, I’ve got a child’s ass that needs to be shoved down a toilet.” I don’t think Solar ever heard me be pissed off before, because his head snapped to me, and he actually backed away from me for a moment, before nodding and getting out of the way. Every single guard, captain, and creature present watched as me and Blueblood watched from afar while we started circling each other.

The slap didn’t even hurt me all that much, Blueblood hits like a pussy, but I was kinda tired of this fucker coming over and telling me that I’m a piece of shit. He’s right, but he’s one to talk.

“Come at me, bitch boy,” I said tauntingly. I may be pissed, but I’m human, if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s channel my anger properly. And thanks to my experience as a fast food employee that got yelled at every single day, I know how to come off as a lot calmer than I actually am. I also need to take a slower approach, because I know that Blueblood’s apparently a professional duelist or something else entirely stupid. Thankfully, since Blueblood is an idiot, he took that bait really easily and launched… a basic concussive spell.

I grinded that into the ground with my own magic pretty quickly. The spell wasn’t weak, but it was a simple Rune based spell with nothing unique about it. “Really my guy?” I asked tauntingly. “How the fuck did you win all those dueling trophies you brag so much about? Did you beat up some children in the juniors’ duelist competition and call yourself a pro for being able to beat kids? Maybe that’s what yo daddy did; he was too busy beating other people’s kids to beat your stupid ass.”

“Don’t you dare say that, commoner. You’ve seen nothing yet-” I launched a concussive spell with Pierce. It wasn’t a large beam at all, but it’s something I’ve been developing. Since it’s a smaller beam, it’s less surface area that power’s wasted upon contact. Meaning with Python helping me out a lot, Pierce can just ‘pierce’ through most ponies’ shields and then slap the shit out of whoever’s behind the shield. Blueblood, like the cocky bastard he is, thought nothing of the spell given how small it was, so he just brought up a tiny shield. I grabbed my staff as soon as Pierce made contact with his shield. It made a sickening shatter as it broke through the shield and hit Blueblood.

With his shield being broken, that was probably giving him a horn ache, and he got hit right in the nose with a Pierce, so now he was also holding his nose while he stumbled about… poor fella. He should’ve thought twice before striking me like that. I can handle being hit, I wouldn’t be training with the guard if I was. I just had a feeling that as soon as he was done here, he was gonna interrupt Luna while she was trying to get some sleep, and start yelling at her too.

Luna doesn’t deserve that, since usually Blueblood just calls Nightmare Moon, instead of by her actual name.

My levitation swept Blueblood off his hooves before I dragged him across the ground while peppering him with concussive blasts. I feel like every guard watching was flinching; I wasn’t holding back and Python was doing wonders in making the good prince wince and yelp. Once he was near me, I started smacking his flanks constantly with the staff. I was actually spanking a pony that was biologically older than I was by three years. This went on for a good minute before a hoof tapped my shoulder. A hoof wearing a golden horse shoe.

“As amusing as it is to see somepony teach my nephew a lesson, I believe I must stop. You can see bruises through Bluebood’s coat, Source. I believe it would be wise to stop now before you accidentally break something?” I looked up at Celestia’s warm smile, one that immediately calmed me down. By the look in her eyes, she wanted to probably join in, but it definitely looks better if she stopped the fight instead of joining in on the fight. Even if some of the guards were begging, with their eyes, to watch Celly slap the shit out of her nephew. I looked back at Blueblood and almost snorted.

His once blonde, perfectly styled mane was ruined and messy, it was starting to brown because of the dirt in it. I know I accidentally mixed some heat spells into some of the blasts because his left cheek was burnt slightly. As Celly said, his entire body was bruised and battered, so much so that you could see it through the fur… there were a few bald spots that showcased his newly blue and purple skin, which was honestly a nice look. It if weren’t for the fact that Blueblood was crying and whimpering on the floor, I woulda told Blueblood that it was a good look and he should dye his mane and coat. I stared at the prince for a few moments.

“Uh… I’m in trouble for this, aren’t I?”

“You are not, the laws surrounding duels are archaic and almost outdated, but you both agreed to dueling. So long as nopony is killed during a magical duel, nopony is to be punished over being injured… and I could tell you were beyond angry. You reverted to… some of your older mannerisms. A ‘foot up the ass’ as you say.”

“...Huh. If you heard that…”

“Fear not, everypony here should be aware of what you are. Come along, we have to drop my nephew in the castle infirmary and you have boo-boos that I need to kiss better.” I wasn’t even hurt. I gave her a blank look before she got right in my ear. “Watching you beat Tartarus into somepony like that… was rather hot if I must say. I want to do more than just kiss your boo-boos away.”

“Oho, your eyes are shining like the Sun… Wait until after dinner, dear; I still have to cook you what I would call a gourmet hayburger.”

“That would be delightful… Perhaps you can show me some of your… more carnivorous eating habits?” That meant she wanted something else for dessert. No, I am not saying what.

So that’s how I feel about Celly’s existing family members.

Luna’s a dork and completely loveable. While she does try to act like my older sister, there are some bits of me being an older sister that simply won’t die. Such as being incredibly protective of her, which is something that got me a few brownie points from Celesetia over.

Cadance and Shining Armor, while not legally married yet, they basically were. Shining’s always a bro, fun to be around. Cadance, once I got to know her, total sweetheart, nothing but nice.

Blueblood just looks at me with fear now, and actively avoids speaking to me. Once he almost cursed at Luna when she decided it was her turn to ‘hog the stallion’ for the day. He immediately backtracked, apologized to Luna and went to a local bar for the day just to get the hell away from me. I had to chuckle at that; Blueblood really is a Blue Bitch. His flanks were still kinda purple from when I was spanking them as hard as I could.

I dunno how, dunno why, but all of Celly’s relatives are super nice, excluding Blueblood, so I dunno what happened with that dickbag, but I don’t think anypony’s going to be worrying about him any time soon. Surprisingly, I faced zero repercussions, as Celly’s consort, I am apparently above the law… Not really. Everypony present fully agreed that Blueblood had started the fight, and paid the repercussions for starting a fight with me. Nopony wanted to punish me anyways; Blueblood had it coming, and I was one of the few ponies that could serve Blueblood an ass whoopin’ without getting in trouble.

So my punishment was a day with Celly, where I was constantly snuggled up to her side, under her wing, while she did either paperwork, or Day Court… She just wanted to hog me for the week after Luna hogged me for one day. She even insisted on coming to work with me during this punishment and actually helped out during a lunch rush at Hayburger Al’Round. That, that is a story for another time though. It was pretty funny…

That One Time Where Celly worked at Hayburgers for a Week

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So, as I was saying, Celestia’s idea of punishing me is forcing me to spend the day, everyday for a week, with her. Frankly, I don’t know if she knows what a good punishment is or not. I am getting ‘punished’ because I beat the shit out of Blueblood, and made him terrified of me. Logically, I got to happily enjoy being embarrassed in public. Since I got a heads up, I was perfectly fine with being the center of attention whenever somepony figured out that I was dating their favorite, immortal, Sun controlling alicorn. What was really fun was being able to tell her cabinet of ‘advisors’ to shut the fuck up and get to the point of whatever they were trying to trick Celly into signing.

Now what’s also fun was when I had to go to work, because as it turned out, at the start of the week, my boss told me that he actually wanted me to work full time for just a week; there was a huge event happening in Canterlot, a simple celebration of the arrival of Fall, so Canterlot was going to be even busier than usual. When I told Celestia… She figured out why this week would be actually pretty fun for her. That meant everyday, for about eight hours, for the next five days, would be spent outside the castle.

When we woke up, she decided to watch me the entire time after she raised the Sun. “Is that your uniform?” Celestia asked, looking me up and down.

“Yeah,” my uniform consisted of a pink and yellow snapback hat, to match Hayburger Al’Round’s color scheme. To match, I was wearing a pink shirt with yellow shoulders, the… I guess the sleeves for a lack of a better word were short, and ended just an inch or two down from the shoulder. On the front was my name tag, which proudly bore my name… in comic sans. I suppose even in another universe, I can’t escape this stupid font. It was pretty close to literally any uniform I’d see to say… a McDonalds uniform. There was even a logo over the left side of my chest. My uniform was topped with a pair of saddlebags that weren’t actually a part of the uniform, but came as a bonus for me working for Hayburger, and I liked the look and they were of pretty good quality.

“I must say, I would much rather see you in a suit…”

“You can wait until the Gala, I hated wearing suits back in the day.”

“I suppose that is fair… However, I did not mention how your uniform is tight enough to make some of your muscles much more noticeable. They’re getting sharper, Source. That is rather impressive, if I must say so myself. And then your hat? The way your mane is neatly tucked under it?” Celestia gave me a look that wasn’t too discernable from a lion looking over a nicely seasoned sirloin steak. “I have to refrain from keeping you from your work… SO!” Celestia magicked on a snapback hat… It looked adorable. It was a simple, black snapback. “I pretended to be a fast food employee a few times; I always ended up leaving because somepony found out who I was. Today, however, I will be working, undisguised. I won’t be accepting payment; I won’t need it anyways.”

“What did you look like?”

“Think of me as a white pegasus, with a build not too dissimilar to a less physically fit Rainbow Dash. Then give me my current mane, without it flowing constantly, but a light blue. Would you like to see it at some point?”

“If we go on a date to a restaurant in the city, yes, yes I would like to see it. I betcha look adorable.”

“...It’s what I would’ve been had I not ascended, with the exception of the wings. I was a unicorn before ascending.”

“I still bet you’d look adorable… well, more adorable. You’re pretty cute as is, Celly. Especially with your ears pokin’ out the hat. My human brain is wanting to pinch and rub the inside of them…” I lifted my hooves after sitting on my rump for a brief moment. “I don’t have hands, though, so I can’t do that. It’s making me kinda mad; everypony here has ears that scream ‘rub the inside of me’, and I don’t have the means to do so! I wish I still ended up in Equestria as a human still. That would be fun.”

Then I would essentially be Anon, but then again I did somehow find myself dating Celestia while being some random chump she found at the bottom of a crater that was the result of a magical anomaly…

Meh, at least I’m a horse instead of a human without a face. That isn’t an overdone thing.

As we walked through the streets, ponies were stopping and gawking at the wild Princess Celestia that was walking around without any regalia. She left her shoes, crown, and necklace at home. Not gonna lie, I found it better to see her like this, than with her regalia. It was usually what she did when she was trying to relax around me; no regalia meant it was just Celly in charge, not the head of a country in charge. Of course, my lovely marefriend was just happily waving and greeting everypony along the way, and they would say hello back.

After bowing and looking away like a twink would after seeing a girl’s nips.

I suppose a naked Princess, even if she was mostly naked anyways, was a taboo to look at? I dunno. I just know that my Celly is perfect the way she is; she even shrunk herself to my height and it was kinda weird. What was even weirder was that Celly wasn’t naked. No, since it was starting to get a little chilly, she decided to take out a green sweater with a turtleneck out of the closet. She had then shrunk it down, put it on, and that’s how Celestia was since we left the castle for work.

About the size of the average stallion, or below average since I wasn’t much taller than the average mare, happily skipping along in a dark green turtleneck sweater, wearing a black snapback hat. What’s even more fun is that I swear Celly did something to her ears with some magic; they were a lot floppier and even more precious. Celestia was just walking down the street, beside me, acting like nothing was wrong. She even draped a wing over me and provided me with ear licks on occasion, usually after passing by a bunch of ponies that were gawking at her.

Surprisingly, no guards were present. Though I think they were hidden around, keeping an eye on us. Celly and I were both very capable when it came to magic, mostly Celly. We were beyond capable of defending ourselves; the guard didn’t need to be reminded of that after they watched the absolute smackdown that Blueblood received for slapping me in the face and challenging me to a duel. And Celly… Well, it was Celly. She could blow up the mountain Canterlot was on without blinking.

If she weren’t holding back, because I can sense how little magic she actually uses with diagnostic spells, she could probably burn the entire country to the ground in a heartbeat. I know she’s capable, she’s told me so. She just holds back, because if she doesn’t… well, that would be a lot of ponies that would’ve died as a result of her fighting back. Luna was very similar, but in a sense that she would probably freeze the globe over instead of just burn it, or blow a whole through it with the Sun.

The route to work was actually pretty straight forward. Since the disks of Canterlot were laid out in a very specific way, we ended up walking down Royal Avenue, which was essentially an entire street dedicated to taking you to Canterlot Castle, down to the lift system for ponies. So I’ve mentioned the lift systems here and there, but never really said what they were like. So basically, think of them like a big, big ferris wheel, but it was less of a wheel, and more like a conveyor belt. There were large, ferris wheel cabins(fully closed off to prevent ponies from falling out of them on accident). You just step in, and wait, and once the ride’s over, you step off and you’re on a lower disk. It was pretty neat.

“You know,” Celly said, staring out the window of our cabin. “I’ve never actually been inside of one of these things. Usually whenever I leave the castle, I end up flying to the disk I need to be on, and then walk from there.” She hummed. “I wish I partook in this more often; it’s quite relaxing… though with how many of my guards like to come with me whenever I leave the castle, I don’t think that would be a very wise decision. I don’t want to back up everypony’s day just so I can have some level of security when leaving the castle. Luckily, I do believe that the guards were notified ahead of time, and should be greeting us at your workplace.”

“Eh, if I had wings, I’d probably use them to avoid this. Sometimes I have to account for what time it is, and sometimes wait for my turn on the lift. It’s relaxing, but when it’s raining or cold, I can’t imagine I’d enjoy waiting for a lift while I get snowed on, rained on, or knocked over by a gust of wind.”

“Surely my coltfriend would be stronger than a gust of wind?”

“Back home, I’d be lucky to still be standing on any particularly windy day, Celly. I’m a bit of a little bitch, if you haven’t noticed yet.”

“Do not talk about yourself in such a manner, Source. Not everypony is the epitome of bravery; you are fine just the way you are. And from what ponies were telling me on The Summer Sun Celebration, you were brave, or in your words, stupid enough to go after Nightmare Moon in order to get an answer about my whereabouts. Sometimes it takes bravery to be able to stand up to a pony that can beat and batter you around. Buck, you’re the stallion in this relationship; I should be bossing you around, but you have some bark, and you more than enough to back it up if seeing you beat Tartarus into Prince Blueblood is anything to go by.”

“That Nightmare Moon bit was because I was concerned about your well being. And with Blueblood… I have a very, very thick line as to how I’m treated If we’re sparring and you club me over the head too hard, I expect ya to stop and make sure I’m good to keep going, and vice versa. If somepony were to hit me unprovoked, then I would fight back. I ain’t gonna let myself get murdered when I know I could fight back and defend myself, or the people I care about… Ponies, I mean.”

“Worry not, you are still adjusting. Though… Why are you making the effort now? I thought-”

“I don’t wanna move on from Earth, Celly, but I know I have no choice in the matter. I was happy with my life on Earth. It wasn’t extravagant, nor was it amazing. I worked full time at a fast food place and still lived with my parents at the age of twenty three, but I was happy. My parents were chill with keeping their babies at home, as in me and all my siblings as long as we all helped out with the house in some way shape or form. I got to hangout with my buddies, work on my passion projects, and be happy. Then I wake up here, in a body that I fucking hate, but…” Source, the pony of me, smiled. “I do have friends here, and I do have a wonderful girlfriend. “I can learn to be happy again, and if it means accepting that I will never be human again, or see my home again, I’ll adjust to life in Equestria.” I then kissed Celly.

“I think you played a large part in why I’m still alive, not because you’re my marefriend, but because I figured you would be the one constant I’d have in my life, somepony to call a friend. I know I probably woulda offed myself if I didn’t have at least one friendly face that I could chat and laugh with every now and then. I may have been way, way off the cuff when it comes to mental health, but I also know what would happen if I killed myself. It isn’t very often that you let down your walls and be yourself around your ponies, ain’t it?”

“It is rather rare… You used ‘ain’t’ again. Quit that.”

“But…”

“Source,” Celly said pointedly before giggling and before nuzzling me. “But I would’ve been rather upset if I found out that a pony went missing, and your face was on the latest posters. Though I can’t be the only reason you didn’t… hurt yourself.”

“It was a second chance, I suppose. I was happy with my life, but I wanted to be more than just some random patty flipper in a fast food place. Sure, I do that here, but I’m not defined by it. I have the loveliest lady to come home to everyday, I can come up with ways to revolutionize spell casting. I could make a name for myself. You played a large part in that, since you literally taught me how Runes worked, but a large part of my still living… I just saw a chance to make something of my life beyond being some nobody… to somebody.”

“I see… Do you have any progress on Python, or perhaps that horrible, absolutely terrible mess that you call a spell system?”

“You love Windows ME and you know it.”

“No, I do not. It is so… pointless! I bet you won’t even make more than one spell.”

“I already have the whole back work for it, I just gotta put it in a textbook and ship it off to Twilight during Hearth’s Warming. It’ll be funny. Besides, it has its uses, such as seeing how precise a unicorn is with their Rune Casting, or their proficiency with their spell equations.”

“...It does, you are correct, but Luna and I can barely even cast levitation, something that is normally the easiest thing a pony can cast. Then you went and made it neigh impossible!”

“That’s the point!” I chuckled as the door opened. After we moved onto a much more lighthearted topic than my horrible mental health, we started making our way down the Shopping District Plate towards my workplace.

“Howdy boss,” I walked through the front door and waved to Flipper as I walked past the front counter. The store wasn’t open for business yet, but the front doors were unlocked for employees to show up. “Gonna be a nice and busy week starting, eh?” I asked as I hoof bumped the stallion.

“Sure is… I appreciate you agreeing to at least work forty hours in a week this one time.I guarantee that you’ll get the weekend off; most of our minors will be off, so we won’t be as heavily slammed if you take the weekend off this week.”

“Hey, more money for me, eh?” We both chuckled at that. At least my boss was upfront about it, since he knew most of the ponies that work for him were just hoping to make some spare cash. He was a lot like my managers back home, they appreciate the work you put in, even if they are aware of the actual reason as to why their employees are working at a fast food joint. “But seriously, if you’re down a pony or two any shift, hit me up. I’ve got nothing to do in my free time, since my marefriend usually makes enough to keep us both afloat.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. It’s just kinda hard to get letters out to ya… With you apparently living in the castle to take up your studies. I’d also feel bad about taking you away from them, with you being the Princess’s personal student and-”

The door clicked open.

“Oh sorry, but we aren’t open just yet, m’am. Give us a moment…” My boss stopped when he saw Celly, in all her glory, walk in without any regalia. Instead, she was wearing a black snapback hat and she was a lot shorter than usual, because she would be too tall to stand in the line kitchen if she wasn’t using a spell to keep herself shrunk down. She could stand up straight, at full height, in the lobby just fine though. “Oh! Princess Celestia! What are you doing here? Looking for a quick bite to eat before the Fall Festival begins in full swing? I bet you were hoping to partake in the festivities this year…”

“I was actually hoping to assist my coltfriend, and by extension, your business, by lending aid. I’ve been in a line kitchen a few times while under disguise. I’m sure I can lend a hoof, if you wouldn’t mind?”

“...If… Wait, who's your coltfriend?” Flip asked.

Celly picked me up in her magic, before bringing me back out of the kitchen, away from the cooling table, or the sandwich station, I was trying to set up. “Hey… I was trying to get ready for my shift,” I grumbled. I actually did like the process of setting up the sandwich station, it was a simple pleasure and kinda reminded me of home; it was nice. Celestia nuzzled my ear, planted a kiss on my cheek, before sending me back to continue setting up my station. I had to admit, watching Flip, who’s usually super collected and chill, start sputtering. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a playful glint in Celly’s eyes. She was enjoying this way too much.

“W-what!?” Flip shouted. He turned to me, and I just happily waved, before going back to the task at hand. “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU WERE THE PRINCESS’S COLTFRIEND?”

“I didn’t wanna draw too much attention to that. I’m the same ol’ pony that you’ve always known, boss.” I called, not diverting my attention away from my station. “Is there a problem?”

“No… I suppose not,” Flip sighed. “You could’ve at least given me a heads up before Princess Celestia walked through my door and announced that one of my best employees is her coltfriend,” he walked around the front counter and into the line kitchen before walking around and nudging me. “And maybe tell me that she wanted to work with us for a day.”

“It might be for a week, boss,” I said, nodding to my newly set up station. “I did an oopsy, as in kick the shite out of Blueblood, yeah? Well, now Celly demanded spending the week with me as a punishment, which really isn’t a punishment to me… I’ve been hoping to spend more time with her, so it works out.” I looked Flip dead in the eye while Celestia walked into the line kitchen to quickly get herself familiarized by everything before she had to get to work. “Lemme guess, it’ll feel weird to be bossing around the Princess of the entire country that this franchise of restaurants stands on?”

“It would…”

“She’ll listen. She’ll follow orders. I think she’ll like being the pony carrying out orders for once…” I almost made a joke about Celly being submissive, but I don’t think I should give my poor old boss a heart attack.

“I believe I know how to work this grill,” Celestia. “I just press a button and it cooks the hay patties?” She asked.

“Uh… yes, Princess.”

“Oh please, none of that, Mr. Flip. Just call me Celestia while I am working with you and Source. I’ve taken this week off as the Princess, and my little sister graciously agreed to take over for the week. For this week alone, I am just Celly, Mr. Flip.”

“Uh… okay, Celestia. Sorry if I call you Princess out of habit-”

“It’s chill, boss. Celly kinda gets why it’s so hard for y’all to see her as anything other than Princess Celestia.” I felt Celly kiss my cheek, and I immediately knew why she wanted to work the grill for today. It was right next to the sandwich making table, and it was a relatively easy job; she could pick up on how to make sandwiches, work beside me, and be able to kiss and nuzzle me whenever she gets a free moment. Celly casted a spell to make her mane and tail more resemble what they would look like if she wasn’t using them to channel excess magic. It was still in the same style, but the color made me squeal whenever I saw it.

I know her normal mane made Celly look more regal and beautiful, but her pink mane and tail made her look more like a normal pony. It was adorable, especially since it was usually what she had her mane in whenever she just wanted to cuddle. While it was merely an illusion that had physical aspects of a regular mane(it was weird ass magic, don’t ask me how an illusion still feels real), it was just a lot fluffier, which made her an even better cuddle buddy than when she had her normal mane. That being said, to see her in public, with old hair… I kissed her while Celestia opened up a sleeve of hayburger patties, and she froze for a moment, before she returned it, and set the sleeve in the coolbox for easier access.

After about an hour, Celestia got bored of the grill, so she shoved me off the sandwich station(she noted that I could go faster if I used magic, and figured she could do a better job). So here I am, putting meat on the grill, while Celestia clears out entire orders, while barely knowing the menu, with her magic. There was a handy-dandy chart used for teaching new employees to make sandwiches, and she watched it like a hawk while using her stupidly good multitasking to look at an order, blink, and have six or seven sandwiches done in a heartbeat. What’s even better is that I got to sit and watch the fryer guy, sit in watch, because she also moved him aside and used her magic to work those too.

“Oh hello!” Celestia waved to a family that was watching, jaw slacked, as they watched a miniature version of their Princess of the Day, Bringer of the Morn, Princess Celestia make sandwiches. “I hope you enjoy your stay at Hayburgers Al’Round!” Celly quickly got their order together, put it on a dinner tray, and the family just kept staring, as did the whole lobby full of guests. Orders were backed up, not because Celly was going slow, no she’s literally going so fucking fast that I couldn’t keep up.

Ponies were watching Celly, fished eye, none of them were regulars. In fact, most of them were probably from out of town because they were visiting for the Fall Festival. Before they got over their shock, after a good ten minutes, and went to finish the food they just ordered. We were busy as hell, and it was apparently the most profitable day Flip’s had in years, since ponies after they left, probably spreaded word around, so more ponies came in.

We were busy well past dawn.

“Princess Celstia, have my foals!” Some weirdo yelled.

“Oi!” I almost went on a tirade before Celestia stopped everything she was doing, before picking me up with her magic and holding me up to her. We ended up nuzzling cheeks, and I was immediately happier for no reason at all. No, it’s not because Celly Nuzzles are the best.

“My apologies, my little pony, but I am currently already ‘taken’ as you younger ponies would say.” Celestia then put me back down and we both got back to work. Aside from that, and a few other things that popped up, the day went on as normal. I think this week is going to go by nicely if I get to just spend it all with Celly, and then we can have the weekend to enjoy some of the festivities of the Fall Festival. The two of us, after everything was over and the restaurant was closed for the day, sat on our rumps outside the building and sighed.

“Oh man,” I chuckled. “The way some of those ponies reacted to you and I kissed in the middle of a dinner rush…” I nuzzled her. “That was a great one, by the way.””

“It was rather humorous, I will agree. Personally, I find working in these environments… to be rather fun.”

“You shoved me and my coworker out the way…”

“I wanted to try and multitask. The sandwiches were like a million little puzzles, and working the fryers were not too difficult. It’s… quite fun, to be honest. I have to sit in boring, dreadful meetings most of the time, where I barely pay attention and just read the documents my advisors were trying to get me to sign long after the meeting has passed. Meanwhile… I felt a little stressed out, in a good way. I was never too sure if the rush would end, or if I was going fast enough. On top of that, the million little puzzles were engaging enough for me to have fun. If you let me build sandwiches all day, while you just work on your grill, that would be lovely!” Celestia giggled. “It felt so good to get three sandwiches out in three seconds flat.”

“Yeah, fast food sucks, but sometimes it is fun to get an order out super quickly. Back home, orders were timed, and while I never did care for it for all the right reasons, it was just satisfying to have a nice, crisp one twenty seconds whenever me and my crew managed that…” I sighed. “I kinda miss that, but… meh, life goes on, and we’ve got a nice, fun week ahead of us, along with a really cool weekend planned as well.”

“That we do, come, I wish to carry you home tonight. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind riding my back?”

“Of course I would! So long as you don’t carry me by the scruff of my neck again; that was embarrassing! And that was only around the castle. I couldn’t imagine being carried through town like that!” I saw the look in her eyes… wouldn’t dare, would she? She’s going to carry me around town throughout the whole Fall Festival by the scruff of my neck. I can already see it happening… I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.

So the next three days go off without a hitch. Celly and I show up, work, and Celly either refuses to get paid, or gives me her bits, or tries to put them into a charity of some sort. She makes plenty of bits, and knows how little I like using the Royal Treasury to fund my own ventures, so she’s fine with me taking a paycheck. Flip insisted on paying Celestia, he even raised the prices of everything on the menu to discourage ponies from showing up just to see Celestia working in a job one would typically only associate with a job that a teenager would typically have, or just a normal pony still trying to get their footing in life.

However, on the third day, I noticed that Celly wasn’t stopping for a break, even when told to, or stopping to eat something. So, about halfway through the dinner rush, I walked right up to Celly, and nuzzled her. “Where are you at, dear?”

“What?” Celestia asked.

“Which order are you on? I’m taking over the station for you for just a moment; go make a sandwich or three and eat something. I know it’s been a day or two since you’ve stopped and eaten anything at all.”

“I’ve had dinner the last couple of nights,” Celestia insisted.

“Sun Butt…” I said sternly and almost loudly. “Stop being an idiot, make yourself a hayburger, and go in the back and eat it real quick. It ain’t healthy for you to be skipping over lunch and breakfast constantly.” Everypony in the room stopped in their tracks and started staring at me.

“But… I can keep going, Source! I can get us through the day-”

“You can do that after you eat something, Sun Butt. you are going to eat food, or you will be sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Celestia huffed. “Fine, I suppose I am a little hungry,” she pointed at the order she was on, before promptly making four sandwiches for herself, and walking off the line. I could tell she was going to give me an attitude later, probably for telling her to take care of herself, but it was worth it; she needs to eat something, and judging from how she grabbed four sandwiches… she definitely didn’t stop and eat anything.

“Dude,” one of the minors said flatly. “You’re going to get tossed in a dungeon, or banished. Or thrown in a dungeon in the place you’re banished to.”

“Nah,” I said with a casual, dismissive hoof. “She’ll nip me and tickle the hell out of me.”

“You just called the princess an idiot.”

“Yeah, I do it all the time. Usually it results in Celly tickling the utter shit out of me, it’s chill man. She’ll just plow my fields later.” I snickered slightly, realizing that I definitely just broke my coworker, before I proceeded to work the grill with my magic and still get burgers out with my hooves, almost(not even close) as fast as Celly does for the next ten minutes before Celestia came back, with a bit of ketchup smeared into cheeks, while giving me an annoyed look. She then nuzzled me and licked the inside of my ears. The smell of hayburger patties was as strong as the day when she opened her mouth.

“Thank you for making me do that. I guess I did not realize how hungry I was.”

“And then you wonder why your students, mostly Twilight, have damn near unhealthy studying habits, you ol’ horse,” I whispered.

“I suppose a break or two would be fine. If Luna is willing, perhaps we could have one day after the Fall Festival to simply snuggle together and play Line Four?” That, for you non-ponies, is basically pony Connect Four.

“That would be nice…” We both swapped places, she went back to the sandwich station, and I went back to grill, and the rest of the day went on without a hitch beyond when I made her get off again to eat dinner… Then she lifted me with her magic after returning.

“You, colt, are also going to go get something for yourself to eat. I know you skipped over breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the last three days. You are going to make yourself a sandwich, and you will go take a moment to eat them.”

“Fuck you,” I grumbled, before nodding along and doing as she asked, or I would be the one sleeping on the couch tonight.

After the week of working at Hayburgers with Celly, her vacation time was over, and we both had to go back through our separate daily routines. Surprisingly, or rather, unsurprisingly, Luna did a damn good job with daycourt, and even did a stellar job at making sure certain, very important bills were signed and passed through without any of the horrible, stupid shit that came along with said important bills. Meanwhile, I kept working my usual hours, or one eight hour shift at Hayburgers Al’Round.

Celly and I still got our daily dose of snuggles before and after bed though. In fact, we were just having breakfast, perfectly fried eggs and pancakes that Celly made. She even put a silly smiley face on them the day before. Celestia was reading over the mail, before humming and her eyes widened a little. “Oh dear…” Celestia whispered.

“What’s up? Did Luna execute somepony?” I joked, knowing Luna wouldn’t willingly even hurt a pony, unless Nightmare Moon took over and decided that some stupid noble, or me, needed to not be alive anymore.

“No… I just forgot about the annual ‘meeting’ for various magic universities. It’s where a teacher, along with a student or two, meet up in either Canterlot, or some other designated town. My school is included with this, and students that learn directly from me, such as yourself and Twilight, are registered as two separate entities. As I do run my own school, and I do try to teach every now and then, but there is a clear difference between learning directly from me, and occasionally seeing me in your classroom with a dozen other unicorns.”

“So, why is it a big deal?”

“With you being my personal student, along with Twilight, everypony was hoping to meet you. As you’ve noticed, whenever I take a personal student, it doesn’t usually affect your everyday life. But when I take another student, it usually spreads around magical universities rather quickly… there is also a slight issue with these little meetings.”

“You never show up?”

“No. I try to show up, and always bring Twilight along if she is able. Luckily, this year, it seems as though the meeting is taking place in Ponyville. So Twilight should be able to make it… Back to the topic at hoof. You see, there is a small competition consisting of magical duels. The Royal Guard does have its own university for magic, and usually excels in this competition. Twilight usually does well in these magical duels, but usually falls short due to her lack of creativity.”

“And now you have the option of yeeting me at one of Shiny’s guys so that I can kick their ass?”

“That is the point… but you are aware that you will be bringing a lot of attention your way, correct?”

“Meh, again, if I expect the attention, I don’t mind it.”

“Okay… you do wish to come, right?”

“Yeah, and if I deem this convention to be stupid, I can go to Apple Jack’s place again and chill with her and Big Mac for the day.”

“I suppose I could allow that…”

“Hey, cool news,” I hummed. “I made a textbook for Python. It’s a very, very early stage of Python, but it’s practically done. The means to make news spells with it are there, and all the Runes I could possibly make are done. Mayhaps…”

“Source…”

“Yeah?”

“You are going to have a sea of scholars asking how the buck you made a new system, and then they’ll probably yell at you for beating them all with your system of magic…”

“Hey now, the version of Python I put in is made for the general public. What I’m using is Python Script, or a version made specifically for me to get as much as I can out of each spell cast, in terms of strength and magic reserve preservation.”

“...Okay, you essentially made three different magical systems, one exclusively made for you, and you expect to walk into a magical convention and be left alone? These are magical scholars; they will notice that you are putting way more power into spells than your natural talents should allow.”

“Meh, they can buy a Python Textbook from me, and I can make some extra bits, and they can almost achieve the level of optimization I’ve gotten with Python.”

“Twilight will hound you for a copy, even if she knows she won’t get any use out of Python.”

“I mailed a copy of it to her. Guess what, I've been saving all the bits from my job and used them all to get four or five copies printed.”

“...Huh. That is a lot more foresight than what I would expect from you.”

“Hey, I wanna be able to make bits in a way that doesn’t involve me sitting in a line in the kitchen for the rest of my life. I can announce Python’s release, make some bits, print more copies, and sell those to make even more bits. One book’s thirty bits.”

“...That’s half the price of most magical textbooks, Source. Charge at least eighty for the time it took you to test Python out.”

“...Fine, Mom. I’ll make damn near a hundred bits off of one stupid textbook.”

“Good. You deserve it after putting in so much work into this system.”

We both sat in silence before the question came to mind. “When is it happening?”

“In about a week from now. Why do you ask?”

“Okay, a week to mentally prepare myself. It lasts… how long?”

“Three days. One day will be dedicated to three different events, with the third being for the magical duel tournament.”

Unicorn College Convention pt. 1

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So, I had the whole week to prepare myself for the magic school meet up or whatever. Apparently there were plenty of unicorn universities. One was all the way in Prance, which was kinda cool. There were schools for every major city in Equestria, so that meant… Canterlot had Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, along with Canterlot’s Community College for Unicorns, Manehattan, Philadelphia, Stalliongrad, Trottingham, Minneapolis, Bales, Hoofington, Vanhoover. Fuck even some of the smaller towns, that have a decent amount of unicorns living in them, have their own universities. There were at least two unicorn universities(not the actual names for them, but alliteration seems fun), whereas Canterlot had at least three according to Celly.

For instance, Celly registers as a separate educator from her own school, since she tends to take personal students from time to time, even though Twilight did take regular classes in her school for gifted unicorns. Meanwhile, she still received a majority of her magic teaching from Celestia herself than any of the professors in her school. Basically, since Twilight exclusively learnt magic from Celestia, it meant she technically wasn’t a ‘magic student’ of Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.

The Royal Guard has its own unicorn university that is primarily focused on combat magic.

Since I was also Celestia’s personal student(not star pupil, that still belonged to Twilight), that meant I was supposed to come along. So I spent most of the week coming up with a design for my own booth, since there were three parts for the event. One part per day. The first was the introduction of everypony going, students, professors, what they learn or teach, what they do to try and advance magic. There was going to be a whole section during the first day where I was to go on stage and get introduced to the magical community at large. Then I got to go to my own booth, greet ponies at it, and hear old farts suck their own magical dicks.

While it was meant for unicorns, it was a public event, so it being held in Ponyville was a chance for the ponies to do… something, I suppose. I dunno what a town that’s predominantly earth ponies would get out of a ‘fancy’ unicorn meet up, but whatever. They could sell food. Pinkie makes a mean chocolate cake and the Apples just make good food.

The second event involved a magical show, which was more like a competition. There were two brackets, students and teachers, so two separate winners(Celestia was not allowed to compete since she wasn’t a unicorn). Twilight did exceptionally well, in fact, whenever she did partake in the meetup, she won this. The problem that Twilight mainly had wasn’t power or application… for the most part. Twilight goes so by the books that it’s ridiculous. She could easily perform any spell you ask her to perform, but then she probably won’t do anything special with the spell, just use it like you’re supposed to. This could lead to her not being incredibly predictable, and since she had to pull her punches, ended up losing in the third event quite often. Trixie Lulamoon often won this competition(she’s from the Neigh Orleans Unicorn University) often won the second competition, but coincidentally never partook in any competitions that Twilight happened to take part in.

Since Trixe was still in Ponyville, apparently, she probably will compete this year with Twilight.

The third and final competition was combat, Twilight did well purely based on how fucking much of a cheat code Twilight is. She’s strong, quick at casting, and has damn near every spell in existence nailed down, including combat spells. The only reason why she loses, is again, her textbook application of those spells and her sheer lack of combat experience. Shining Armor took part sometimes, and often ended up flooring most of the competition(he usually wins too). I doubt I would win any of the competitions, but I think I could do well purely based on Python’s spells, and Python Plus(it’s a better name than Python Script in my humble opinion which is law). From what I can understand, nopony’s made a new magical system since Star Swirl the Bearded, so that may just win me the second competition on its own.

This whole thing will make me scared and concerned about a lot of things. Especially ponies. I’m terrible at dealing with ponies.

I sat down in the carriage next to Celestia while I checked over my saddlebags. “This is gonna suck.”

“It won’t be all too bad. I’m certain that you’ll enjoy yourself,” Celestia nudged me with a wing. “Again, if you hate what you see, you are free to go spend the next three days anywhere else, so long as it’s in Ponyville. However, all I ask is that you stick around long enough for your introduction to the convention. Can you do that for me?” Celly asked, nuzzling my cheek. The look she’s giving me is simple, it was a big eyed, adorable little head tilt. It was the look that Celestia gave me whenever she wanted me to do something for, because I would end up doing it for her if she gave me the look. It was kinda sad, but not very sad, and a little pitiful looking.

Given how big Celly is, it’s a shock that she can make that face and get away with it.

“I’ll try to make it through the whole event, Celly. Jesus christ, why did you have to figure out that that look is my weakness?”

“Well, you decided to say it was adorable one time,” Celestia giggled, while giving me an even cuter look. She even tilted her head just a little, like a German Shepherd would. “Well? Am I adorable?”

“Fuck you,” I grumbled, before I grabbed both her cheeks with my hooves, before kissing her. Celestia ‘oh’d and ‘eep’d. I swear, I could hear the sweat rolling off of our guards. They had to do their best to not acknowledge that their Princess was being kissed right on the lips behind them while they began to pull her chariot out of the carriage bay. Celestia, while I was kissing her, sat there, wide eyed, before she leaned into the kiss and closed her eyes. By the time we were done, we were well in the air and halfway to Ponyville. “As I said, fuck you,” I whispered, before kissing her cheek and letting her go.

“You best make do on that when we get back home from this event. I doubt the motel that we will be staying at will appreciate the noise that would ensue if you were to fulfill that offer in Ponyville.” Celestia bobbed her eyebrows. “I have been a little stressed recently, and I assume that you can assist with relieving me of that stress?”

“Oh, I will.” I whispered, before I pulled back to look at the view. This was the first time I’ve actually rode in a sky chariot, and it… was actually pretty cool. Sure, it was scary since the only thing keeping me in the chariot was an enchantment, and a seatbelt-less cushion that was also only held in the chariot by the same enchantment. It really wasn’t too discernible from when me and Celestia had our first date at a tiny little cafe on the edge of the shopping plate of Canterlot… Mmm, I wanna take her out on another date soon. Maybe for a honeymoon we both enjoy a nice, long week in a log cabin together.

Painted hills, colored skies, Canterlot becoming more and more distant, while Ponyville becomes closer and closer with each passing minute. Celly and I shared one more, very short kiss to get it all out of our systems, so that the majority of Ponyville, and the Scholars, wouldn’t think we’re dating… yet. I plan on kissing Celestia on stage after I’m introduced.

The flight to Ponyville didn’t take that long, as just a train ride to Ponyville, from Canterlot, was about an hour, two if there was a delay or something blocking the caves that the tracks go up through. A chariot often only took about ten to twenty minutes at the longest. Since me and Celly spent about half of that kissing, we landed in Ponyville pretty quickly in front of town hall. The majority of the convention would be held out in a random field outside of Ponyville(I could even see tents from the chariot before it landed). However, it was a usual courtesy for Celestia to stop and visit the local government’s leader.

It was also where Twilight and her friends were supposed to be meeting us at.

Lo and behold, Twilight was walking up to the town hall, with her friends, explaining the magical convention. Rainbow rubbed it off as egghead stuff, Rarity actually seemed a little interested, Apple Jack didn’t seem to particularly care, but wanted to support Twilight, Fluttershy was… trying to hide behind Rainbow Dash, away from all the unfamiliar unicorns that were flooding in from the train station. Promptly after we landed, Luna popped out of fucking nowhere, because I guess it would make sense for the Crown, besides Celly, to make an appearance.

“You know,” Celestia mused as she looked at me, before her eyes started wandering down to what I was wearing. “I don’t know why you insisted on buying a trench coat. What is wrong with going without it?”

“Trench coats look cool, and I always wanted one, but never knew where to get one. I found this bad boy at some boutique, and I think I look cool.”

“Well, you do look handsome in it, and I suppose you do look rather ‘cool’ while wearing a trench coat. Perhaps I shall buy myself a matching pair? It is a known thing for couples to have matching outfits where you come from, is it not?”

“It is a thing that some couples love to do. Seeing you in a trench coat would be a sight to see. I bet you’d look adorable with a fedora.” The look on her face told me she was now considering buying a fedora.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight and her friends stopped to bow.

“What’s with the trench coat?” Apple Jack asked me shortly after bowing to Luna and Celestia. Luna said a few words to Celestia, licked my cheek once, before flying off to likely go book herself a motel room on the opposite side from where me and Celly were going to book one; just in case Celly and I start having fun.

“...I’m not gonna explain it every time, so let’s just say the… colt that’s inside of me thought trench coats were cool, so I bought one on impulse.”

“That thing is… atrocious,” Rarity shuttered. My trench coat was a nice, sleek black coat that rested on my back, and draped down my hindlegs, covering my tail, and came to a stop just above my hind-hooves. “It…”

“It’s perfectly fine, Rarity. I like it, and that is really all that matters when it comes to clothes, ain’t it? Aside from comfort, of course. Style is subjective after all.”

“I suppose, but I’m saying that the quality of that thing is horrible. How much was it?”

“Thirty bits.”

“...I could’ve made you a higher quality trench coat for half that, dear. You look fine,” Rarity drew that last bit out while looking me over. “If that one ever tears, or wears out, you are more than welcome to stop by the Carousel Boutique; I will happily make you a new one, perhaps even provide you with a fedora?”

“That… would be pretty cool. I’ll have to take you up on that offer whenever I end up wearing out this coat. For now, it’s fine.” Rarity seemed to be perfectly happy with that, so we dropped the topic.

“So,” I said to Twilight, I sat on my rump and chuckled. “Ready to… well, you likely won’t get your arse handed to you, you’re way too strong for that. Uh, ready to watch me eat shit on the third day?”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Source. It’s all for fun anyways, even if the university that wins the third event gets some extra promotion from having the best trained unicorns for combat.”

“Ah, street cred for kicking butt. Well, I hope to win the second day’s event purely using Python; it’s basically done at this point, so I bought a few copies to sell. I even sent you a copy a week ago. You got it, right?”

“Yup! Spike burped it up. I must say, having your notes formatted into a textbook is way better than using your journal. Even… if I can’t get much use out of it, the fact that you made a new system of magic, and you’re developing another, that is incredible!”

“Good thing that the second system totally isn’t the third one I’ve developed.” Twilight caught that really quickly and gave me a ‘explain it now, bitch’ look. “I initially tailored Python just for me, before I realized how much it could benefit weaker unicorns if I were to teach them how to use Python. Python Plus is a variant of Python exclusively for me, more complicated equations, entire spells fitted into one Rune, which is why the equations are more complicated, and spell casting with Python Plus is so optimized that it stuck me in the top half of the Guard’s unicorns… Or rather, I would've been if I were actually in the guard, but the point. Python Plus is something I can’t really format it into a textbook because only I know how to do the equations, and the Runes.”

“...Dang, that is very impressive. Though DragonFire alone may be enough for you to win the second day. After all, nopony before has even tried to figure out how dragon fire actually works, and then you find a way to consistently make dragon fire with a spell. And it’s flashy.”

"And totally wicked!” Rainbow chimed in.

“Eh, first we gotta get settled in, and the first event’s gonna start which, to me, sounds like a bunch of old farts getting ready to ride their own hot-haydogs into outer space with how much they’ll probably be bragging about their accomplishments.” Twilight and Celestia snorted, whereas the rest of the girls looked mildly confused by that.

We both stepped into our motel room, which was apparently the fanciest one the owners could offer, which wasn’t much since it was a motel room, but I suppose it was kinda nice. It was nicer than the motel room I managed to get with the stipend check I was supposed to get, until I got a job and moved into Celestia’s chambers after we started dating… I may need to change that, but Celestia doesn’t seem to mind that I’m still sleeping in her bed, and probably prefers it. I suppose it is normal for people, and ponies, to move into their significant other’s home. The motel room… was actually just a carbon copy of my motel room back home.

Except the carpet was a mixture of random shades of blue, which then meshed into an unpleasant shade of blue.

“Well,” I said. “This isn’t too shabby, given that the owner insisted on giving us this room for free.”

“It is rather nice for a motel room. Though I personally would rather have been able to pay for it-”

“Again, if the owner didn’t damn near force you to take the room for free.” We both sighed, before I unhooked my saddlebags and set them aside. “The first event is essentially just a meet and greet, right?” Celestia nodded. “Darn. Well,” I took my trench coat off and laid it on the bed that I knew that neither of us would be using; we were going to definitely get overdosed on snuggles later. “Might as well get this shit over with, eh?”

“Oh please, it cannot be that bad. I’m sure you’ll even meet a few ponies that you’ll become close friends with.

We ended up splitting upon getting to the first event. It literally was just a meet and greet until everypony finally showed up. So I ended up wandering around the ‘convention’ for a lack of a better word, as well, held out in the middle of a field since there wasn’t anywhere else to have it. Ponies all around were setting up tents for their school, probably to promote it. Some of the locals were actually setting up concession stands, or had already had a few set up. I had ended up putting my trench coat back on, in order to keep a low profile while I walked around the sea of tents. While I was apparently a big deal to all these scholars, nopony knew what I looked like due to a lack of photographic proof of what I looked like. I felt bored. Honestly, I would rather try to make a copy of Doom Eternal run on a Raspberry Pi, at least I could make some bootleg of Doom that might vaguely look like the real thing.

Somepony tapped my shoulder… and lo and behold, it was Trixie.

“Trixie knew she would find you here!”

“Ah Trixie, how’s life going?” I said with a grin. Trixie nuzzled up into my side.

“Trixie has been seeing some more success when it comes to her show business, thanks to DragonFire! Even some ponies from Ponyville were impressed! Trixie hopes to win this year's second event, but she is doubtful with you and Twilight Sparkle being here… Though Trixie does have a trick up her sleeve,” she slowly levitated up an Amulet. I quickly ran a diagnostic spell over it before my eyes widened. “What, is something wrong?”

“That thing is about ready to burst from dark magic, Trixie. Why the hell do you have that?”

“Trixie thought it would help her contend with some of the more… magically gifted unicorns in Equestria. You have your system of magic to help you, but Trixie has nothing.”

“You have a copy of a journal that has everything you need to know about Python; you don’t need that amulet. Feck, I did a lot of research, I kinda have to given my position, that amulet can make you do some fucked up shit, Trixie. Sure, it’ll help you ‘compete’ but it’s not wise to use that in front of Celestia, who’s also here, or various other unicorns who will know what’s going on. Absolute power corrupts absolutely; standing over everyone else that you beat into submission ain’t how you should go about. It’s all for fun anyways, so why worry about being the absolute best?”

“I… Trixie believes you are right, but it-” I grabbed the amulet, spun it around enough time, and promptly launched it into space after spinning it enough time and using a momentum spell to make it actually fly into space. It whistled on the way up, and everypony looked at us. “I suppose that solves the problem. How are you certain that it won’t land in the hooves of somepony else?”

“I put a tracking spell on it. It’s on its way to another planet, a planet where nothing should be alive, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something was alive. If anything does find it, the amulet simply won’t even work anyways. I also put another spell on it to have it detonate,” Trixie gave me an odd look. “It’s gonna blow up in about five minutes, and if it doesn’t breach the atmosphere, then it’ll be blown up before it even touches the ground. In other words, it’s probably fine if the amulet gets found; it’ll be blown to shit anyways.”

“That doesn’t sound good. Magic just… doesn’t disappear,” Trixie whispered.

“Well, in outer space, where there shouldn’t be anything with a pulse, let alone complex thoughts, that doesn’t matter. And the amulet will probably fly into the Sun; I made sure that it would at least… I think it would, I’m not smart enough to just do stuff like that… I should’ve just asked Celly about it; she would’ve known what to do with it.

“Well Trixie, hope ya enjoy the rest of the convention, don’t eat too much of those haydogs, it’ll go right to your stomach. Gotta keep looking nice and lovely so you can keep getting a shit load of fanmail, eh?” I asked, giving Trixie a sly smile while her face slowly became thoroughly red. Ah, Trixie would be pretty cute too, and she is right now, if she didn’t initially act like a bit of a cunt, but it was all apparently an act, since Trixie was at least acting like a decent pony right now.

“Trixie will take your advice; even if Trixie could kill for a haydog right about now.”

“Hey, just don’t eat too many of those things. I heard of a dude that did, and his stomach exploded and killed him. Anything can kill you if you get too much of it.”

“You are right… enjoy the meetup, Source. Trixie believes she will be seeing you on stage for both the magic show, and the magical duels?”

“Probably.” We both bumped hooves, and Trixie started on her way towards the nearest concession stand to go munch down on some haydogs. She bought sixteen of them, before wandering off to a nearby picnic table to eat them. I simply sat for a moment, before realizing that Trixie just pounded down sixteen haydogs and was going for more… so much for watching how many of those things she ate. Oh well, I’m not one to judge Trixie’s eating habits. I barely ate anything anyways, so maybe I should grab something to eat… Apple Jack’s family should be selling some of their goods… I would love an apple pie right about now.

I quickly found the Apple Family’s concession stand because of the smell of cinnamon, apples, and just good food. And because Twilight and her friends were there, Twilight was being chastised by a stallion, probably from another school in Canterlot, while looking mildly uncomfortable.

“Howdy,” I greeted Big Mac who was actually running the stand with Apple Bloom, who adorably, was wearing a big, stereotypical chef hat, even though all she was supposed to do was stand and hold a sign. While I could tell that she wanted to go hangout with her friends, who were glued to Rarity for the evening, she was an Apple at heart, and the Apples love selling their goods first and foremost.

Big Mac seemed to mainly be handling the cooking and the selling part of the concession stand.

“Howdy,” the big stallion reached over and we bumped hooves. “What can Ah get for ye, Source?”

“I see you guys took my idea on the apple pies,” I nodded to the apple pies that almost looked like any apple pie from a fast food place. Instead of it being full pies, it was more like apple pie logs. In other words, it was more like a hot pocket, and was definitely better for ponies just looking to buy a snack rather than buy a whole ass pie.

“We did, it’s been selling a lot! Fuck, they sell more than the whole pies do!” Apple Bloom jumped up and down. “They’re really addictive, so I can get why. Did you want an apple pie?”

“Eh, yeah, that’s why I seeked this place out first and foremost. You Apples sure do know how to cook with your namesakes, eh?”

“That we do,” Big Mac nodded. “Here’s a couple on the house; we don’t charge friends of the family.”

“And I insist on supporting my friends’ business, lemme pay for you-”

“Your bits ain’t good here, Source! How many bucking times do we gotta tell you about this?” Apple Bloom asked. She gave me big ol’ puppy eyes. “Please just let us give you these for free!”

“Why are you apples so insistent on-”

“You literally worked for our farm, for free without pay, once,” Big Mac pointed out. “Yer a good friend anyways, and you gave us the idea for these ‘apple logs’ as we’ve been callin’ them.”

“...God dammit guys,” I chuckled, before jerking my head. “C’mere, Big Mac, I gotta give you a hug. Same with you, Apple Bloom.” I gave them both a nice, big hug, and Big Mac handed over the apple pie sliders. “Next time I’m in town, you are letting me buy you a drink, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom, you’re going to let me take you to a candy shop before me, your brother, and your sister get drunk. I don’t think I should be escorting a sweet, little filly anywhere while hungover.” Apple Bloom was fine with that, even if I'm sure she's probably has had alcohol before.

“We’re lookin’ forward to yer next visit to Ponyville, partner,” Big Mac said with a grin, before nodding towards Twilight and her friends. “Go spend the ‘meetup’ with them, alright?”

“I was probably going to. Nice talkin’ to ya, Bloom, keep being adorable; a colt likes a cute filly after all-”

“Ah ain’t lookin’ for colts,” Apple Bloom said with a blush. “Though… there is this one colt in Ms. Cheerilee’s class…”

“D’aw, you’ll have to tell me all about him. I’ll probably stick in town for a day or three after the event, so I’m sure you can.”

“Ah, will. See you, Uncle Source!” I raised an eyebrow at that. “Yer an honorary uncle to me.” You know what? I could be happy with being unlawfully adopted by the Apples. I picked the filly up, nuzzled her, before going off to join Twilight’s group of friends.

I walked up to the lavender unicorn that was starting to look more and more uncomfortable with talking to the stallion that she was chatting with. As I got closer, I could guess why.

“-And you smell nice.”

“Hey man, you don’t know how to flirt. Leave my… marefriend alone before I slap the shit out of you.” Twilight and the rest of her friends flinched, until I looked Twi in the eye. “Roll with it,” I whispered.

“...M-marefriend? Princess Celestia’s star pupil has a coltfriend?”

“Eeyup! We’ve been happily dating for weeks!” Twilight said she was obviously lying, but unless you were Apple Jack, or Celestia or Luna, most ponies kinda sucked at telling if somepony was lying to them. To really seal it though, I nuzzled Twilight’s cheek, and immediately went to grooming her ears. I know that was basically the ultimate sign of affection for ponies, so I knew it would probably get this nerd to back off. “See? We’re happily dating.” The poor fella actually looked a little down by that, before walking off. As soon as I knew the guy was out of earshot, I backed off of Twilight and took a deep breath.

“Okay, I know for a fact,” I pointed at Celestia, who was off in the distance, and watching us. “Celestia took a photo of that to tease us with. Judging from the shit eating grin that’s nicely concealed behind those magenta eyes of hers. But at least you aren’t being flirted on by a really nerdy stallion?”

“He… was obviously trying to get me to sleep with him. It’s weird… aren’t you supposed to get to know ponies before that stuff?”

“Mmm, probably. It’s how you have more fun while doing that sorta thing at least. I can kinda get why, you’re a pretty mare that’s got a lot of street cred, and you’re fucking Twilight motherfucking Sparkle; your existence must’ve sent ripples throughout these eggheads when you were first taken as Celestia’s prodigy. And admittedly, if I were half the stallions here, who are around your age, I would love to just have the chance to flirt with you. You’re one of them, but happen to be attractive.” Twilight blushed at that. “And you’re god damn smart; I’m sure a stallion would also love that in a mare.”

“Are you trying to hit on me now?” Twilight asked, dropping the shocked look, and was trying to be a bit more of a teasing one.

“Meh, Celly’s the only mare for me, Twi, you know this. I’m just taking it from that guy’s perspective, but he really shoulda noticed that you weren’t very comfortable with that at all and backed off.”

“Well… I also didn’t just tell him I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to be rude…”

“Wow, if I tried the same thing when we first met, you would’ve brushed me off and walked away.”

“...I’ve learnt a thing or two about friendship, and being friendly, Source.” Twilight looked around her group of friends. “Is everypony done eating?”

“Yeah!” the girls chorused.

“Okay, the ‘introduction’ bit should be starting soon,” I pointed out, before scarfing down the last of my apple log. “C’mon Twi, we gotta get in position with Celly so that we can all be called on stage at the same time.” I waved to the girls. “See y’all after we’re introduced.”

“Ladies and gentlecolts,” Celestia had begun her speech which basically consisted of… “Thanks for coming out here, and thank you for inviting me this year once more.” It was a nice, kinda long speech. After she was done, she immediately stepped off the stage to go reunite with me and Twilight while the first few university professors and their subsequent students started going up on stage. The first was from Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, which had somepony named Minuette, who was mostly here because she actually lived in Ponyville. So I’m assuming they asked her to come along to save the trouble of having to get somepony else out of Canterlot.

Minuette, was a light blue unicorn with a darker blue mane and tail, with streaks of a shade of blue more akinned to her coat, going through it. Adoring her flanks was an hourglass. From the way she was standing, I could tell she was a bit of an airhead, but was probably pretty smart, and probably good with magic if she graduated from Celly’s school with pretty solid grades, and her magic repertoire is apparently pretty decent... The professor that was present was some old, gray, friendly looking unicorn that was named Atomic Slice. The two waved at the crowd, introduced themselves, and headed off stage for the next school.

The next school was named ‘The Royal Guard’s Combat School For Gifted Unicorns’. It was a school exclusive to the guard and aimed to teach its stronger unicorns how to actually defend themselves, and because it’s a guard oriented school, how to defend other ponies from small scale to large scale threats, something a stronger unicorn can handle. Shining Armor was there, as apparently a former graduate, which made sense since he was fucking hard to fight, since his sheilds, I swear to god, barely have any weak points in them. Like I could go at it all day, and unless I used a specific spell in Python(that I luckily shortened down to a few Runes and a very basic spell equation), I couldn’t get through a shield that Shining set up. With that very specific spell, however, I made it specifically to blend well with other offensive spells such as a Stun or a Knockout spell. So fighting him got easier, until you get into the more physical side of things. Since Shining Armor was a captain, he also registered as a teacher due to the nature of how the Guard’s school is set up. However, an actual teacher did show up, and he was only a rank or two above Shiny.

I could see Rarity in the crowd; she wanted to try and flirt with Shiny judging by the look she’s giving him. Given how I saw Cadance’s shoed hooves poking out from under the curtain, that wasn’t going to be a thing that happened. Not without it getting weird, or if Cadance and Shiny actually like Rarity, can get really frisky in their motel room right after… or Twilight’s Library, because I’m assuming that they would take any chance, with them being Twilight’s old foalsitter and BBBFF(big brother best friend forever) respectively, to stay with Twilight over the course of the next three days.

Hell, I’m surprised that she didn’t immediately introduce them to her friends. Maybe she just didn’t get the chance to? They did only just meet up around the time that the event was supposed to begin, so I guess Twi didn’t instantly know that her brother and Cadance were coming by. As soon as Twilight figured out Cadance was around the back of the stage, immediately went around the back and did a cute little greeting dance with her.

Most of the professors and students were a complete blur for me, since Luna actually took over for Celestia when introducing the subsequent unicorns. “Now, ladies and gentle colts.” I could tell that Luna was struggling to not revert to her more archaic way of speaking. “Last, but not least, is my sister, Princess Celestia and her star pupil, Twilight Sparkle!” To be flashy, both Twilight and Celestia teleported on stage, Celestia had her beautiful wings that I totally didn’t stare at the whole time, held high as the two walked to the front of the stage and introduced themselves.

“Now, some of you may have heard of the recent news, of me taking a second star pupil, and while he may not be as magically gifted as my faithful little student, Twilight Sparkle, he has made leaps and bounds recently in magical discovery. His understanding of magic theory, and his impressive spell repertoire stood out to me. Introducing my latest student, Source Code!” Princess Celestia stepped back, and I suddenly combusted. You see, I was just sitting in the crowd like an idiot, so when I suddenly combusted, everypony was shocked at first. In fact everypony started screaming and were seconds away from panicking.

Then I appeared right next to Princess Celestia, and nuzzled into her side. Celly promptly sat down and draped a wing over me. “Howdy, everypony,” I waved. “As you all saw, I just burnt to a crisp a few seconds ago. With the help of Twilight’s assistant, Spike, I figured out how to use DragonFire, and found out how to use it as a means of transporting myself. It’s something that’s a part of something that I have been developing for the last year that I’ve been Tia’s student; it’s something called…” I paused. “Python. I've spent most of this year developing Pyython; it’s its own magical system that's built off the very, very basic Rune based spells that already exist. However it consists of my own Runes that I’ve brute forced into existence, and a ton of equations. Unfortunately, you have to be exact; you can’t make a single mistake when it comes to the casting of Python, or stumble over Runes while casting, but the results from using Python is Huge.

“I am probably the weakest unicorn here, or at least the weakest unicorn that’s going to any university. However, Python lets me contend in the Royal Guard, against their tougher unicorns, and even beat a fair amount of them. Twilight Sparkle is beyond powerful, and I can actually hold out against her for a good amount of time too because of Python. Granted, if you’re already pretty damn strong with magic, Python isn’t really something you should default to. If you already have a good grasp of magic, Python may be a waste of time, and it’s only really useful if you aren’t that strong with magic.

“However, I suppose I’ll have to wait to show you all just how effective Python is for what I’ve built it for. Casting Optimization for Strength; every single spell in Python is absurdly easy, and thus means you can pour more power into any given spell casted. Twilight can’t make use of it, mostly because it will backfire, and it will probably knock her out…”

“Why’d you make it if stronger unicorns can’t use Python?” One of the professors asked. He was from Baltimare, and he had a scowl that seemed to be permanently etched into his face. “If none of us can use it, then what’s the point?”

“I said I was weak. I made it for us ‘weak’ unicorns. If one of y’all suddenly went wild and wanted to murder me, Python is meant to purely help me hold out for help, or get away from the problem, while also just having its own variants of everyday spells like Levitate, to make precision greater, or to literally travel faster with DragonFire. Even Twilight can use DragonFire without it backfiring because I developed certain spells, that don’t exist anywhere else, to be easy to cast and have little drawbacks. Twi, can you be a dear and showcase your application of DragonFire?”

Twilight did as asked, lighting herself on fire, and promptly flying around the sky with DragonFire before promptly landing next to me.

“See? Python has a reason to exist, but it’s not the end all, be all of the spells.” Another pony raised their hoof. I motioned for them to continue.

“Why are you leaning into Princess Celestia like that? She’s your teacher and Princess, not your mother!”

I snickered, before slowly kissing Celestia on the cheek. Celestia giggled, blushed, before promptly kissing me on the mouth. “I didn’t expect you to be so… forward with saying we were dating,” Celestia whispered in my ear. “To say that I am pleasantly surprised, is an understatement!”

“So, anymore questions?” I asked.

Everypony in the crowd was broken.

Unicorn College Convention pt. 2

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I took a seat at my booth next to Celestia. Seeing as the two of us basically publicly announced our relationship, she decided to hangout around me most of the first day. Right now, I was just sitting around, waiting for somepony to walk up, and then try to sell them a textbook of Python. I made sure to make sure you couldn’t just make a copy of it using any spells, by putting as many anti-copying enchants on each copy as possible, for when I end up selling even more copies later in the year. So far… uh, only a small amount of ponies showed up at my booth. Yeah, a really tiny amount.

“I’d like another copy of Python!” Twilight said, at the front of the line of several dozen ponies who were probably just trying to meet me.

“But you already have a copy that I mailed to you…” I said, looking a bit defeated. She was arguing this point for a good five minutes as to why she wanted a second copy. Until she ended up coming up with a very good point.

“That is my personal copy, something that I will probably cherish forever! The copy I want to buy will be for the library’s catalog. For the public to use! I’ll pay extra if I have to!”

“...How about a discount?”

“No, you put in way too much work into developing this! And I’ve read through the textbook. The way you explain everything and how it works is so good! It’s so simple, yet not condescending! Anypony, even a non-unicorn can pick it up and learn Python really easily with this! You clearly spent a lot of time on just the textbook alone, excluding all of the time spent coming up with Runes and spells! Let me pay you money!” Twilight handed me over a hundred bits, when my textbooks were only eighty per book. I stared at the bag for a moment, before Twilight gave me a bright smile that made me want to say yes. It was that face that every, single, fucking mare is capable of. And I’m not even a pony at heart, yet it still thoroughly worked on me.

Any stallion that laid eyes upon usually became emotional puddy and let the mare that used this weapon on them to do whatever they want… within reason. Usually if the mare is a piece of shit, this doesn’t work. However, Twilight is actually somewhat adorable, so when she did this, I nodded and let her take a book. Never before did I think I would be so against selling a product I made, but I didn’t want to damn near a hundred and fifty bits for a fucking book! Twilight put some more bits on the table, took her newly acquired textbook, presumably to her library.

She teleported away, and teleported back to sit beside me while Celestia sat on the other side of me. I chuckled nervously as I realized that I was currently the center of attention of a couple dozen unicorns, and that was the only ones I could see.

“Howdy,” I said, trying to keep my nerves under control. It didn’t work very well, but it did well. The next unicorn in line was… actually one of the professors, the one from Filydephia, who was actually pretty damn young for a professor. I think the average age for a professor was around fifty to seventy years old, yet this lady looked around thirty or so at the oldest, or about ten years older than Twilight, and Twilight was about a year or two older than my shitty body was. The mare sat down in front of me with a look not too dissimilar to the look Twilight got when she got excited about something. Starbright was a bright, yellow mare with a nicely orange mane and tail that looked very pleasant on the eyes. She wasn’t Celestia, so she didn’t get to be ‘prettiest mare I’ve ever seen’ prize, because she wasn’t my marefriend, and my marefriend is, and will always be the prettiest mare I’ve ever seen. Adorning her flanks… was a carrot.

“Hello! I’m Starbright, it’s nice to meet you!” the mare reached over the table, and I felt my hoof, that I had folded on the table like a human, it looked weird to Twilight, since she hasn’t gotten to spend much time with me after she moved to Ponyville, but Celestia told her it was a normal occurrence for me to sit like I was still human, even if my posture was awful because of this. I shook and found my anxiety quickly killed itself upon seeing how happy somepony was to just meet me.

“Hello Starbright, you’re from Fillydelphia, right?” I asked.

“Of course!” She sounds like somebody from Philadelphia, but whatever. “I’m so happy to finally get the chance to speak with you. Celestia didn’t say much, but when we heard that she was taking on another student, I knew I had to meet you. And a stallion no less…” Her smile was so damn bright that I think she was trying to hit on me, but she seemed pretty eccentric, so I chalked that up to her just being excited. “I heard you came up with another magical system, and I was hoping to buy a textbook to teach it to some of my… less gifted students. It would help them out so much!”

“Eighty bits per textbook.” Her smile was actually starting to get creepy. Nopony smiles for that long except Celestia, and it’s usually a fake, serene one that Celly usually wears while out in public. This smile was huge, toothy, and started looking faker by the minute.

“Perhaps… you give it to me for free? You did it for Twilight Sparkle just now… My student said you two were dating after all. Perhaps if I treated you to a nice dinner, you could-”

Oh. She is trying to swindle me.

“Aha! So you're teaching that stallion that was creeping on Twilight, staring at her flanks and lady bits!” Twilight started blushing at how blunt I was. The mare’s smile cracked just a little bit. “But uh, yeah no, Twilight and I aren’t dating. I’m not exactly from Equestria, and where I’m from, it’s very uncommon for a stallion to be dating more than one mare. And… my marefriend,” I nuzzled Celestia. “Is sitting right beside me. That is a lot more of a spine than what I’d expect from any pony though; many would immediately try to stop hitting on me as soon as they found out that I’m dating the Princess.

“So seeing you try and flirt with me right in front of Celly is a pleasant surprise. However, I can feel Celestia getting warmer, a lot warmer. I don’t think she’s excited about seeing somepony trying to openly flirt with me, especially for their own personal gain. There’s many things my marefriend is, and she’s usually not jealous. Nah, she’s just pissed at you.” I think only then did Starbright realize what she was doing, before ignoring any sense of self preservation that she may have had.

“Just give me a textbook, you stupid mustang! It’s probably bogus anyways and-”

“Whoa lady, I would hold it if I were you. You already said a slur. Just pay the bits, apparently eighty bits is still on the cheaper side for magical textbooks. That’s ignoring enchantment costs, that I made myself using the very magical system that’s contained within these textbooks, so that it is literally impossible to copy or duplicate through normal spells. And even then, they’re smartly enchanted; if it senses somepony trying to pirate its contents, it will set itself on fire and come straight back to me. Celestia told me that a textbook like that with all the enchants is damn near two hundred bits; this is still a bargain.” I felt Celestia go from ‘warmer’ to almost ‘uncomfortably hot’.

I don’t think Celestia was happy about this hoe calling me a slur.

“Here’s a discount just to get your stupid arse outta here. Thirty bits; what I was originally going to sell all these for.”

“Fine!” She threw the bits at my face, which kinda hurt since they were literal golden coins, before catching them with my magic before they had the chance to scatter everywhere.

“Now what else can I do for you? A hoof massage, a carrot? Perhaps a carrot will help you calm down and quit being a bitch!” I singsonged. I honestly wasn’t even mad, I didn’t even care. I was a tired, stupid college student that just found a way to make bits in a way that didn’t involve starring in a porn because you’re an unpaid intern.

I side eyed Celestia and then Twilight, both of whom looked about ready to snap this bitch’s neck. “What did you just say?” Her eyes were twitching.

“Mrs. Starbright,” Celestia said very slowly and calmly, despite how hot she was. Everypony that was in line was staring wide eyed at Starbright, and had been after she had called me a mustang. “While I appreciate you attempting to support my student’s endeavors, I believe you should leave. As a teacher, I am beyond angered that somepony called my student’s work a load of horse dung. As a Princess, I am angry and could have you arrested for assaulting one of my little ponies right in front of me. As Source’s marefriend, I want to burn down everything and everyone you ever knew or loved for hitting my coltfriend. So, please take your heavily discounted textbook before I lose my patience. I can tell that my star pupil is less than thrilled to see one of her peers being assaulted either, and she has far less self control than I do.”

Only then did Starbright give the mares on both my sides an actual look. Rainbow Dash was sitting off to the side to try and talk with Twilight whenever she could, who was even more ready to jump the bitch, but was being held down by the aforementioned unicorn. Celestia genuinely looked ready to use Solar Beam on the mare, and Twilight was about ready to let go of Rainbow’s tail and join in on beating the ever living crap out of Starbright. The mare slowly shrunk back, grabbed her newly acquired copy of Python: Everything You Need to Know, and started running while feeling the glares of everypony in the crowd.

“Well, holy shit,” I said, leaning into Celestia’s still burning side. “Seeing you get mad like that was sexy, just lettin’ you know, Celly.”

Celestia became comfortably warm, and was now just blushing, instead of angrily glaring at the bitch that ran off.

After that whole Starbright debacle, a lot more of the ponies in the crowd were way nicer to me. Either it was because they felt bad about me literally being hit in the face, or because they were just scared of Celestia. Or Twilight, Twilight could probably kick the asses of most of these ponies through sheer power alone. Most of them were just genuinely happy to meet me, some were excited to get their hooves on a copy of Python, and soon, all ten copies that I had were gone. The main comments were the same as Twilight’s, easy to understand, helpful, and pretty well made.

“So you’re Celestia’s coltfriend?” One of the younger students, from Baltimare, asked. In fact, they were a foal, probably around fifteen years old, and a filly. Yes, she was adorable, yes, my human brain wanted to poke her nose, but I refrained. It took a lot out of me, but I managed to not poke a filly on the nose with my hoof and go ‘boop!’

“Yes I am.”

“How did you… manage to land her? No offense, mister, but you’re not very attractive.” Ow. My pride.

Me and Celestia locked eyes for a second, before I decided to open my mouth. “Fuck if I know,” I shrugged. “I was part of a magical accident, and some guards came and collected me. In fact, I had a magical accident here in Ponyville, and the Guard found me and took me to Canterlot Castle’s Infirmary. Celestia came by to check in on me and the two of us started talking. I didn’t exactly… treat her like the princess that she is, and she actually liked that for some reason. I called her Sunbutt because I couldn’t say her name properly without fucking it up, and… then she took me out to a cafe, and then we started dating some time after that.”

“Source Code, like many stallions, is a bit dense. Don’t tell anypony this, but I wore makeup for our first date at a tiny little cafe in Canterlot. For some reason, he didn’t notice, and then proceeded to wonder why I had makeup on to begin with!”

“...I kinda never noticed the makeup, Celly. You straight up don’t need it. Yeah, I’m an idiot, but I’m your idiot, aren’t I?”

“That you are!”

“That is the first time I think I’ve seen you break character in public, Celestia,” the old, angry looking dude, that was the angry looking professor from the same school the filly was from. “If that stallion managed to make you drop the Princess act, then perhaps he is at least something.”

“Yeah, I call her Sun Butt and stare at her butt when she isn’t looking. Then get embarrassed when she teases me about it, and then bumps me with said lovely butt.”

“Source! We agreed to not talk about the time I knocked you off your hooves with my flanks!” Everypony stopped and stared at Celestia after she had accidentally shouted that. “Uh…”

“Hey everypony, quit staring at my marefriend, or I will get the wrong idea!” I shouted. That got everypony to go back to their usual business, while the angry looking old dude started chuckling.

“Oh, dear, Princess, I think Source Code may be a bad influence on you!”

“...This is the first time I’ve seen anypony act like Celly’s grandpa, are you secretly a trillion years old?” I asked.

“No, but at one point, my grandson did date Princess Celestia, with a mare as old as her, she has had many, many coltfriends in the time that she's been alive…” Both Celly and the old dude sighed. “She requested that I treat her like she was my granddaughter… unfortunately, my grandson passed away during a particularly bad winter from a really bad disease, but myself and Celestia still remain somewhat close. I like to check in with her at these little conventions once a year, and sometimes write to her and she usually responds."

“...Huh.” I nodded. “Well, nice meeting you, my man. And… uh, sorry about hearing about that-”

“Oh think nothing of it… It hurts, but it wasn’t like you were the reason my grandson passed away. You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” We both shook hooves and kept on chatting after that. Surprisingly, despite him looking constantly angry and being a little judgy, he was genuinely just making sure that I was a good fit for Celestia, and quickly decided that I was a good fit for Celestia after I made her shout about bumping me with her booty a little too hard. The dude’s name was actually Scripted, and had some serious proficiency in enchanting.

“You know,” he said. We had long since moved from my booth since I just gave up on that after I sold out of copies of my Python textbook. I quickly whipped one up, which showed that I could just create them, but I didn’t wanna sell more than ten, for Scripted. “I was critical at first, but after testing the enchants on here… these enchants are like nothing else; its Runes are so similar to the basic Rune based spells that most ponies use, if they learn spells at all, yet so different.” Tale said, looking through the book. “You really…”

“Wanted to make sure nopony could copy my work and sell it as their own shit. Try copying it with a spell.” Scripted did as told, and the textbook lit itself on fire and burnt into ashes, before I pulled the exact copy out from under the table and handed it back over to the old stallion. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“...That…”

“The textbook even says how to do that… though it doesn’t say how to bypass the enchants, because either you have to be Twilight and bruteforce it with magic, or you’re fucked. And even then, if it senses that somepony was trying to bypass the enchants on it in any way, it will literally burn in their hooves and turn to ash, or end up back in my hooves.” Scripted nodded, before taking the copy and putting in his saddlebag. The filly that was with him was busy sharing gossip with Celestia, who was happily sharing her own gossip about who Luna was possibly seeing.

We both blinked a couple times.

“Mares.”
“Women.”

We both blinked. “What’s ‘women?’”

“A name for a female creature doesn't really specify what. It’s a thing from my homeland; there were… a lot of different creatures where I’m from.” Scripted accepted that before we just sat, contented to watch Celestia and his student gossip like grade school students.

The next day, I woke up and began rubbing my temples as soon as I realized what would be happening today. It was going to be a magical competition, luckily, it wasn’t the part that involved combat, that was for tomorrow, but it was also a bad thing that it wasn’t the thing that involved combat. Trixie was competing this year, and she was a showmare at heart, so she was going to do well. The Royal Guard’s School for Gifted Unicorns were going to not do well at all; their whole thing is literally combat, but Shining Armor isn’t a slouch when it comes to regular magic; he is Twilight’s brother after all.

Speaking of Twilight, she’s competing, and she’s insanely talented at magic, so my work was cut out for me already. The winner would get a nice, big trophy, and a ribbon, but besides that, it was mainly for fun. Occasionally there was a small prize in bits, or just a Celestia plushie, because those exist, I guess. Lucky me, everypony here is definitely going to be better at magic than I am on a scale of pure power, which is actually a competition(it was more like a fun carnival game that happened yesterday) and everypony basically knew how much weaker I was than even some of the foals at the convention.

I sat up with a groan and slipped on my trench coat while Celestia put her regalia on after she had brushed her mane. “Oh come now, Source, I’m sure you’ll do fine. Nopony is going to judge you when it comes to the competition.”

“I dunno, Celly, some ponies might. Given… my background and education that focused more on the results than the work put in, I don’t feel too good about how this is gonna go. I know it’s all for fun, but I know I’m probably only going to do well during the combat competition tomorrow, and even then, Shining Armor will break my ass and show me inside of a trashcan once he’s done with me; he does it when we’re sparring.”

“But that is while you’re sparring. During the competition tomorrow, you can go all out if you wish; the enchantments that will be placed on everypony will gauge if a hit is fatal or not, and will remove anypony from the arena, and there are two events for it. One is a bunch of magical duels, and another is like a free for all…”

“Oh. I might be able to win the free for all. I’ve got a strategy for winning that.”

“Why are you putting your trench coat on?”

“If I’m gonna lose in the next few magical competitions, I might as well do it with style.” I lifted my hoof and lit my horn. Soon, it was replaced with a griffin talon. “I figured out how to change the shape of my body recently, and made a spell with Python Plus. I think it might give me a fighting chance against some of the ponies here.”

“It… probably will. If you grow wings with that spell, it may be a funny way to throw the competition.”

“Oh yeah, make everypony think that Celestia’s new coltfriend is also an alicorn prince. That won’t make everypony here shit themselves.”

“But it would be funny.”

“No, bad Trollestia, come back when we prank Luna on her birthday.”

“Fine,” Trollestia said before sighing. “I suppose I will behave myself until then. Perhaps we can turn Luna into a foal using a spell and baby her the whole time?”

“Luna may like that; I know she adores you. She is still trying to bring you an edible breakfast to your bedside every morning.”

“And I try to eat it, even if I know it wouldn't be edible.”

“And it’s adorable…” I point out. “Seriously, how did Luna become Nightmare Moon again? She’s a huge dork.”

“...Try being demonized everyday, and your only source of protection doesn’t do anything to stop it.” Celestia drooped slightly. “That’s how.”

“I know… Luna told me. Did she tell you it happened?” Celestia shook her head. “How would you know if she was being demonized then?”

“I… Don’t know.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. Both you and Luna fucked up, but you’re both sisters at the end of the day, Luna adores you, and I know you’d probably kill for a week of just waking up with Luna snuggled up under your wings instead of me. It may not be able to happen often, but my point still stands; you two love each other despite what happened.”

“You’re right. Thank you, Source. I still blame myself-”

“No blaming yourself, everypony had a hand in Nightmare Moon, not you alone.” We kissed, and I nuzzled her right after. “C’mon, you and Luna are going to be judges for the competition. Y’all’ll get to watch me make a fool of myself and pass out on stage.”

“That… Is a good point. Perhaps you’ll dive under my wing for protection?”

“That’s if I lose to a filly. If I lose to a filly, I will hide like the little shit that I am.” Celestia giggled.

“I doubt you’ll lose that badly.”

I was up after Trixie, who was the second to last performance of the competition. I watched all the flashy colors and all the fancy little spells that I was surprised to find out that the showmare knew. Like the showoff she was, she was wearing her showmare outfit, as in the cape and hat, not a showgirl outfit. As her horn lit up, flowers slowly started falling like breaths, it was almost like Twilight’s performance, though flashier and with less objects. Soon, wisps of magic raised up and formed into Triixie’s cutie mark, before the flowers landed on the ground. There was a moment of silence before the crowd, which was mostly made up of ponies from Ponyville, started cheering. I was a good sport about losing, so I started cheering too; it was a good performance.

In fact, everypony here, even Shining Armor did extremely well, except me because I haven’t gone yet.

Trixie started trotting off stage with a solid twenty eight points, the second highest in the whole damn thing. Twilight was in first, because she decided to show off and perform six spells at once, while building a house of cards and played chess(and won) against one of the judges that wasn’t Luna or Celestia. While making hundreds of flowers gently shower the crowd.

“Holy shit, I am going to fucking lose so damn badly.”

“You’ll do fine, Source,” Twilight nuzzled me. “I know you apparently have something planned; you always seem to come up with new spells by the week.”

“...No, I just find spells that already exist, convert them into Python somehow, and call it a day. I don’t think I’ve made an original spell besides DragonFire ever.”

I sighed, realizing I can’t stay off stage forever. “Well, I’m gonna break a leg, Twi. See ya when I come back with a score of ten, because Celestia ended up paying more attention to my butt then the magic I was performing!” I skidded on stage and started wishing I had just walked off away from the convention and into the Everfree Forest, because there was a sea of ponies just staring up at me expectantly. Sitting in the judge stand at the very forefront of the crowd were four judges, Celestia, Luna, some dude from Stalliongrad, and the mayor of Ponyville. I took a deep breath before I began my performance. First, I teleported two trees into existence before promptly lighting them a blaze.

From there I just started juggling them while I started writing something down in my journal. Once the trees were damn near ashes, I set my journal on the ground, before bursting into flames myself, and flying through the air with my fancy smancy fire spell, flying through the air, cutting right through both the flaming trees and disintegrating ash before it could make the crowd, and by extension, the judges, not very happy about being covered in ash. Celestia watched on in wonder, since she seemed to love anything that I did, while Luna actually looked kinda impressed.

I landed on the ground as the flames disappeared, but I had used a transmutation spell to turn myself into an owl, the feathers were the same color and my fur, just with the colors of my mane and tail mixed in for good measure, with the head of a unicorn(so that I could still turn myself back into a pony),

“Hooo, hoo go there?” I asked hauntingly. “DAMN FOALS EGGED ME HOUSE AGAIN!” I yelled. The whole crowd was mostly in shock, even Twilight, because I was now an owl. I transmuted myself back into a pony before glancing at my sides. “Whoops! I forgot the wings, hold on. Wait, that means I can fly!” I started flying with the use of levitation to keep myself afloat(since I didn’t have any clue how to actually fly) before landing back on the ground with a bow, and getting rid of the wings. Of course, I didn’t exactly stick the landing(because I totally meant to) and fell face first into the stage, my ass high in the air as I tried to get off my face and back on my hooves.

That elicited a chuckle out of the crowd, even if most of them were broken for some bizarre reason.

“You’re… an alicorn?” The dude from stalliongrad asked.

“No. I figured out how to mimic being one though; transmute into a thing with wings, don’t put the wings away when I turn back into a pony. It’s pretty cool.”’

“Are thou a changeling?’” Luna asked, by the glint in her eyes, I knew she knew I wasn’t, she just wanted to ask. I never heard of whatever a changeling is, so I just shrugged.

“Uh… the fuck is that?”

“Don’t worry about it then.”

I actually got twenty six points and scored a nice, crisp third place for the whole competition, purely based on the face that I told the judges that I did everything with Python Plus, or the magical system I developed strictly for me and me alone, and because I did all of that with as little magic as I had, and did more than some of the ponies with four times my magic pool, to do the same thing.

And teleporting trees, entire fucking trees from the Everfree Forest, was hard to do. I got a bronze medal for my troubles, Trixie got a small, silver trophy and medal, which she was more than happy about, and Twilight easily secured first place, a large, gold trophy, a blue ribbon and gold medal, and even a certificate saying she was the most magical pony of the year. Despite Trixie wanting to boo, to act like her stage persona, she was actually a surprisingly good sport about Twilight beating her.

“Trixie will simply have to incorporate Python into her sequences next year; if it won Source third place, imagine what Trixie could do with it!”

The three of us went and got ice cream, since the rest of the day was spent on resting and relaxing for those of us who partook in the magic show contest while the teachers had their turns.

“I only won third because I literally grew wings and flew around for a little while,” I said, waving a dismissive hand. “Which all required my own system of magic to do, not just Python. In fact, Python is actually kinda limited because I had to make it for the masses. When developing it for specifically my use? I know how to optimize a spell specifically for me, and do well because of it. Meanwhile, Python is made for the masses; it’s meant to be a one size fits all, even if it may not fit the best to some ponies. You could literally kick my ass if I used regular Python, Trixie. And while that sounds like a stallion’s dream come true, if I used my own offshoot of Python, I could actually fight back.

“Luckily, in the textbooks I was selling, I included a handy-dandy guide to tailoring Python specifically to anypony. They just have to spend a few weeks figuring out how much magic they’ve got and how much they need to optimize each spell… I even included a guide for making equations to help optimize it for whoever may use Python in the future.”

“Wait a second,” Twilight pointed an accusatory hoof at me, which would’ve been scary if her cheeks weren’t covered in ice cream. “You made your own version of of your own fucking magic system and didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah.”

“YOU MADE THREE BUCKING MAGICAL SYSTEMS IN A YEAR AND ONE OF THEM WAS MEANT TO BE A PRANK!” She shouted.

“Yeah.”

“How the ever living buck… Source, you’re good with magic in your own way, but I must ask why you decided to do that?”

“The prank system was going to be given to you on Hearth’s Warming, and the other two were genuinely meant to be good; unfortunately, the prank one’s good for working on precision.”

“I am going to bucking slap you in the face.”

“If I turn my hooves into very dull talons and scratch your ears, would you reconsider hitting me in the face?”

“...Why would that-”

“Because ear scratches would probably feel good. I was going to experiment with it on Celly after we get back to our motel room for the day, but I could test it on you first if you want.”

“Hmmm, I will try it-”

Soon, Trixie asked for ear scratches after seeing how much Twilight was enjoying them. Soon, I was stuck where I was with two sleepy mares using my shoulders as pillows. I will admit, scratching other ponies’ ears satiated my desire to want to do it for so damn long, and I’m glad I got to do it. But now I literally can’t move. I can’t leave the pony pile I had accidentally put myself in. Celestia and Luna found me shortly after the teacher’s competition and Luna was simply sitting there with a smirk on her face.

“Source, why are you cuddling with two mares? And why are your hooves in the shape of bird claws?”

“Twilight was going to slap me in the face, and so I asked if she wanted to experiment with something. The experiment involved seeing if ear scratches were just as good, or better than having the inside of your ears licked. It was meant to only last about ten seconds, but Twilight literally used my shoulder as a pillow and told me to keep going. Trixie followed suit after seeing how happy Twilight was at the prospect of ear scratches… I found a way to scratch pony ears as a pony, and I am suffering from my success, Celly. Please help me; I’ve been stuck like this for three hours. And I don’t wanna move because Trixie snores like a kitten and Twilight looks so peaceful when she’s sleeping. However, my coat is covered in drool, I am covered in drool, and I want to go shower and possibly test how effective ear scratches are on you.”

“I suppose you’ve learnt your lesson?” Celestia asked.

“Don’t serve any mares that aren’t you because most of you ladies are crazy?” I said most for a reason. I don’t wanna sleep on the couch when we get back home.

“Well, yes, but I am the only mare you are to pamper, Source. I am your marefriend, after all.”

“Very good point, can you help me out please?” I gave her my best pitiful look, and I immediately saw the will for Celestia to let me sit and suffering from the snuggles of Twilight and Trixie melt away in milliseconds. Celestia carefully extracted me, before laying Trixie’s head on top of Twilight’s withers, and laid me across her own withers. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Am I relegated to riding on your back until tomorrow?”

“Yes, yes you are. This way you can’t accidentally service other mares by scratching the insides of their ears. I have a few friends I would like to meet before the day turns out; then we shall head to our motel and you shall scratch the inside of my ears.”

“Can I borrow your stallion as well, Tia? It has been a while since I’ve been groomed by one.”

“Perhaps… meet us at mine and my coltfriend’s motel room and-”

I wasn’t getting any say in this at all. I’m not complaining, but like… I would also like to have a word about this whole situation. Tia and Luna were literally discussing custody rights over me while they walked and talked about basically nothing.

I feel like a child. I feel like a little kid watching his parents yell about divorce with how both of these alicorns were talking about custody over me.

Unicorn College Convention pt. 3

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So, the next day is the day of the magical competition. Luckily, I got out of the urge of wanting to scratch Celestia’s ears, and was forced to give Luna an ear scratch as well. So I at least had that going for me. What I wasn’t feeling great about was the tournament bracket. Since Twilight and I were both here, and participating in the competitions today, it was actually going to be a bit odd. During the free for all, it was actually a duos style, where each school would have their own team consisting of two ponies per team. However, during the magical duels, it was a tournament bracket style, with Twilight on one side of the board, and me on the opposite. My problem wasn’t that, it was the apparent pressure I had for being Celestia’s student.

“Oh sweet mother of god, I am going to get a foot up me arse in the third round,” I whispered. No matter how the cookie crumbled, I knew this was all for fun, but I wanted results. I wanted to actually get a gold trophy so that Twilight wouldn’t win everything at this convention… The problem here wasn’t Twilight though. The problem Twilight had was her lack of combat experience and her very, very predictable use of any combat spells she did know. Her combat skills could be summed up with ‘raw power, teleport away if attacked’. It was great since she was super strong, but even Shining Armor, somepony less powerful, could beat her with ease due to this.

Oh yeah, that was my problem! Shining Armor’s on the same side of the brackets as I am, so at some point, I will have to fight him.

“I assure you Source, nopony will care if you win or not; everypony knows you’re already fighting an uphill battle due to how outclassed you are by everypony here in terms of strength.” Celestia was doing her best to assure me that it wasn’t the end of the world if I won or lost this tournament. After all, I had a really good chance at winning the free for all that would take place right after this, with me being on Twilight’s team and all.

“I still don’t feel great about this,” I sighed. “I just wanna show that I can on my own two feet.”

“You mean four hooves?” Celestia asked. She had took me off to the side to give me a prep talk, since lucky me, I had to go fucking first against the professor from Filydephia, the same one that called me a slur. Rather, her student. Her personal student.

“You know how I am, I’m just a little nervous.”

“You’re nervous? I couldn’t tell you jumping at every little thing. Or you default to your old speech patterns like you do when you get mad or nervous.”

“Yeah… Fuck it, I have an idea for how I’m gonna play this tournament. It’s what I did to win a few video game tournaments in my town.”

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. “And that is?”

“I’m going to play super passively, and play with a heavy defense in mind. It’s easier to strike at somepony when they’re striking first; you ponies leave way too many openings for me to exploit when you do.”

“...I suppose that is- wait, what do you mean by ‘you ponies’?”

“Even if you do it, Celly. I know you’re a bit rusty, from not having to really fight ever, and if you do, you’ve got more than enough power to win most fights regardless of that. But whenever you decide to use a concussive blast, you don’t have a shield or anything like that on the ready incase I slip past the first hit and hit you back… Then I give up the moment I realize I hit you and try to make sure you’re alright… only for you to then smack me in the face with a sunbeam.”

“Hmpf. Well, if you can find openings in my offense, then I suppose your strategy will play out. My question is, how do you manage to see such openings?” What Celestia also didn’t say is that she did that purposely to teach me how to exploit openings in my opponent’s offense.

“I’m a game developer at heart. It was my job to develop shit and then find ways to exploit any code in my code. Fighting’s very similar in that regard, even if it’s a lot harder to find those openings in the heat of the moment, just ignoring all the other aspects needed to actually fight well. Who knows, maybe somepony hits me, the enchant that’s casted on everypony doesn’t work, and I get pissed off and beat the ever living shit out of everyone here. Blueblood’s partaking in this right?”

“He is. If you win your first fight, he is your next.”

“Sick, that’s an easy round won if I get past the first round then. I still need to shove my hoof up his ass for yelling at Luna last week.”

“...He. Did. What?”

“Yelled at Luna.”

“Source, I don’t care if you lose and make me look bad, I just want you to beat the ever living shit out of Blueblood.”

“Already planning on it. When he is done getting his ass kicked, I will have covered him in his own shit. Just the idea of getting to punch him in the face… oh, that sounds like fun.” I nodded a few times to myself, now that I was thoroughly pumped up for the incoming battles. There were six rounds on each side of the bracket, since not every school was participating. For instance, Trixie didn’t bother trying since she wasn’t a duelist at heart, and some of the foals that were here, weren’t partaking in the event because they legally weren’t allowed to. Six rounds per side of the bracket, twelve different ponies to take on.

Before the first matches started, which started during the afternoon, there was actually another meet and greet. So I just sat in my own little corner of the field, going over strategies until three fillies… oh, it’s Apple Bloom and her two friends. I waved at them as they skidded to a stop in front of me. “Howdy there, Bloom. I thought you were going to be helping Big Mac with selling food today.”

“I was, but Big Mac told me that we were going to stop early since we sold out of everything yesterday. Plus he and Apple Jack wanted to watch the magic competition today, since they wanna cheer you and Twilight on. Our teacher was hoping to speak with you, so we were leading her here.” I looked up from the three fillies sitting before me, and finally noticed a dark pink mare walking up to us.

Her mane’s a light, almost pale gray with a lighter gray streak going through it, and she had brown eyes. Her butt tattoo was three flowers. She came to a stop just behind the three little fillies.

“Howdy,” I greeted.

“Hello, Source Code, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I was hoping to ask something of you, it may be a bit much since you’ll have to transmute from Canterlot…” I simply raised an eyebrow and crossed my forelegs. “I was hoping you could come by and help some of my unicorn students with their magic. Sweetie Belle’s struggling to even use magic, and Dinky can barely use hers. Snips and Snails… I don’t think they even know how to use magic or have any interests, and some of my other unicorn students are struggling a fair amount with anything involving magic.”

“Why not ask Twilight? She would probably be better at teaching magic than I ever could.”

“She… doesn’t like foals all that much, and Apple Bloom keeps going on about how great you are at dealing with her and her friends.”

“Well, I do like foals… most of the time. Though-”

“You said you made a magical system that should be great for weaker unicorns. Who better to teach it to than foals who don’t have a lot of magic starting out?”

“...You are a fucking genius!” I chuckled. “Ah shit, I didn’t think that-”

“Language! There’s foals-”

“Apple Bloom knows how to curse like a sailor, and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle almost exclusively hangout with her. I would be shocked if they didn’t know what a swear was.”

“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo chorused.

“She won’t tell me what ‘fuck’ means though,” Sweetie Belle said while rubbing her chin.

“It’s something that big ponies say I shouldn’t tell to other foals,” Apple Bloom said. “But why is Cheerilee a genius, she’s smart but-”

“Thanks to how Python works, it’s a good groundwork for learning magic. It teaches you how equations work, and teaches you how Runes work in tangent with those equations. It’s perfect for teaching foals!” I laughed like an idiot. “Ah shoot, I wish I thought about that…” I rubbed the back of my head. “But yeah, I can make a few copies of Python, and stop by in Ponyville every now and then. Once a week? Thrice a week?”

“As often as you could; I’ll pay you for teaching my unicorn foals as well.”

“Mmm, you sure do know how to instantly make business deals,” I offered my hoof. “I’ll try and stop by twice a week, once on Monday, and then again on friday.”

“That would work.” We shook hooves. “Good luck in the magic duels; I heard competition is rather stiff this year now that two of Princess Celestia’s personal students are competing this year.” Oh great, so much for me being pumped up for the incoming tournament, Cheerilee!

“...I am going to get put in a wheelchair.”

“...what’s a wheelchair?”

As it turned out, I wasn’t fighting the bitch from earlier, it was her apparent ‘star pupil’ Star something something. Ah, Shooting Star! Anyways, it was the dude that was flirting with Twilight. Right before our fight, he had gotten right up in my face, and was almost touching my nose with his own. “Listen,” the stallion said. “I am going to beat you and show Twilight Sparkle that I am a far, far better choice for a husband than you are!” I blinked a couple of times, but didn’t say anything. “Well? Are you going to say anything?” You know, I have learnt something very important for pissing people, and ponies, off from years of scambaiting whenever I get bored.

“Damn, okay.”

“What?”

“Okay.”

“You’re fine with me beating you?”

“Uh huh.”

“...Are you even listening?”

“Uh huh, keep going.” My voice was monotone the whole time by the way, and I had a blank expression the whole time while our exchange continued on like this for a good five minutes, and the more and more Shooting Star wasn’t getting much of a reaction out of me made him more pissed by the minute.

“...I am going to kill you.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s cool.”

“And then I’m going to make Twilight Sparkle marry me!” What. “Whether she likes it or not!”

…I don’t think this guy should be allowed on the streets.

Shooting Star then let out a huff before he sauntered off to the opposite side of the field we were using. Shining Armor had volunteered with Twilight to set up a shield to keep everypony safe from stray spells. Both the Sparkle Siblings made their barriers as see through as possible; Twilight was technically better at applying shield spells, even if Shining Armor’s were simply more powerful, so Twilight was actually casting, and Shiny was supplying her with the power to do so. It was pretty neat to watch, but that wasn’t why I was here. I’m on a mission to shove Blueblood’s head up his ass, and Shooting Star is in the way of that.

“Begin!” Luna shouted. Oh. No countdown. Darn. I immediately shot off a stun spell before my opponent could register what the buck was going on, and it damn near hit him had he not brought up a shield last second. I then sat on my butt and watched as Shooting Star started slowly approaching me. I soon teleported to the middle of the arena and looked around like I was lost, even if I knew that Shooting was still approaching me. Jesus christ this guy’s a slow walker.

My opponent started circling me while baring his teeth.

“C’mon, strike me again!” Shooting Star yelled. “Or are you too much of a mare to strike at me.”

“Man, you really shouldn’t be speaking like that. Twilight Sparkle would deck you, and Celestia and Luna could stick your butt on the sun and moon respectively. Maybe think a little before you speak. It’ll make you seem less like a dumbass.” That seemingly made Shooting more mad, since he immediately tried to lash at me with a Stun. I rolled out the way, and noted an opening around his left shoulder. I shielded kept on rolling, and teleported to the left of him. “Hey dude!” I announced my presence as I rolled under him.

Now this was a magical competition, but you were allowed to go into a melee if you deem it fit the situation. So what I was about to do was allowed, especially since he immediately tried stomping on my head. I summoned a pair of horseshoes onto my hindlegs, just a plain, silver set, and then kicked Shooting Star right between his hindlegs. Shooting eeped, keeled over, and got teleported out of the arena as the enchants probably thought what I did was overkill. The crowd had three reactions.

All the foals were laughing. The mares were just shocked, and the stallions were all trying to cover their balls with their legs.

“Did I win?”

“You did,” Luna said from her little ‘throne’. “I must admit, that was rather… not even gruesome, just plain wrong, but-”

“Hey now, he wanted to murder me. I say kicking him in the balls is a lot less bad than murdering somepony.”

“You are correct, and technically you did not breach any rules, but do refrain from kicking every competing stallion’s groins; there’s only so many and we do not want to lower the amount of breedable stallions that Equestria has, Source.” That is a good point. I’ll go for the shins instead, that’s always a sure fire way of winning. I walked out of the arena and over to where Shooting Star was teleported. He was currently rolled up in a ball on the ground, whimpering and crying. His tail was covering up his rear, and he had his forelegs tucked in.

“So, I kick like a mare?”

Another whimper escaped the stallion.

“Darn. Hope you get well soon. I’ll make sure to send you a box of chocolate and a ‘get well soon’ card. Hope to see you around with foals of your own…” I got up close. “Next time, don’t threaten to murder me, and may be not possibly imply that you’re going to rape one of my friends. I will drown you if you say something like that while referring to anyone like that again. Leave Twilight alone, and we’ll be chill, cool?” Another whimper escaped the stallion as he tried to get away from me. “Okay cool! Glad we came to an understanding. Remember, if you try touching Twilight, don’t be shocked when I mail you, piece by piece, back to your parents! Bye!”

I sat down next to Twilight and her friends as the first round on the other side of the bracket began. “Howdy'ya do?” I asked.

“What did you say to that stallion after you beat him? It looks like you made him scared of you.”

“He threatened basically implied some unsavory things.”

“Like…”

“Forcing you to marry him and then sleep with him.”

“...What?”

“Yeah, I know. Dude’s a fuckin’ nutjob. Anyways, I just let him know what would happen if he tried such a thing. It may, or may not involve something overly gruesome, but I think he deserves it.”

“Source, what did you say?”

“Something horrible and horrific, yet deliciously vague. Seriously, what I said to him was messed up and I won’t be repeating it, Twilight. Not around you or the rest of the girls. I’m not a good pony, and I’ll just leave it at that. Seriously, if I had to make do with some of the threats I’ve made to ponies in the past, or could make do on those threats, I would probably be in the dungeons… Or executed. It depends on how willing Celestia is to bail me out after I murder somepony that threatened her, you, or anyone I hold dear.”

“Ah wouldn’t say yer a bad pony, Source. You don’t tell the full truth, but you’re nice enough," AJ commented.

“That’s because you’re my friend. If somebody were to hurt you, they would see a very different side of me.”

“Like how you had a panic attack the first time you and Celsetia were seen in public together?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Yeah, Twilight told us about that. How do you go from that to kicking butt?”

“It’s been months since that happened, Dash, and I’ll be real, I suck at dealing with anything social. The fact that I opened up to y’all so quickly is a miracle and a half. But let it be known, if anyone threatens you, I don’t care who did it, I will make sure they can’t even get near you. Again, if that stallion is an idiot and tries doing what he said to Twilight that he had said, I will do some horrible things to him. I stick my neck out for my friends and I’m more than willing to take a punch for y’all. Just please don’t make me give a presentation out of the blue; I will probably forget how to think and seek some form of shelter from all those gazes.”

“You did fine during the first round,” Rainbow pointed out. “And you were awesome! You should be happy about-”

“I ignored the rest of the crowd, Rainbow. If I did, I woulda freeze up and get plowed into the ground. Fortunately, I also have a goal in mind, since Prince Blueblood’s participating this year…”

“Why is that important?” Rarity asked. “I get that he’s not a good stallion, but-”

“He made Luna cry last week. I think he hit her at some point too, since Luna occasionally rubbed her cheek shortly after he made her cry, and I know it wasn’t to wipe away any tears.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah, he’s my next fight. He is going to regret doing what he did to my favorite Princess of the Moon. Luna’s great; give her a chance to open up and she is bloody adorable! In fact, y’all get the chance to get her to open up some time during Nightmare Night next year. Treat her well, eh? That mare’s gone through some shit, and she deserves way better than what happened to her… Uh, I got distracted, where was I? Oh yeah, Blueblood. Blueblood's gonna get spanked again, in public.”

Everpony blinked at that.

So Blueblood went fucking missing. After he realized who he was going up against, he just up and hopped on a train for Canterlot as soon as he realized what was probably going to happen to him if he fought me. So I just got a key into the third round, which was surprisingly pretty easy. Basically, one bunch of fighting later and I get to fight Shining Mother Fucking Armor as my last opponent before I faced whoever was on the otherside of the bracket. This year it looked like Twilight was able to just brute force her way through the competition and steamroll everybody through sheer means of might.

Shining Armor is about two thirds as powerful as his sister was. What’s even worse? Oh yeah, he has actual combat experience. What’s even better? I am very hesitant in actually giving my all against this dude. For one, he’s a bro, I love him, two, I don’t think I could win if I gave my all anyways. On the bright side, I do get to test my anti shield spells in full. So Shining Armor’s shield, which had held up over the arena the whole time with Twilight(while they were fighting their rounds too) was actually really damn strong. Shining was a big guy, so he wasn’t very maneuverable.

Okay, he was still pretty agile for a pony of his size, but he wasn’t going to constantly be dodging spells left right, front and center. This meant that he had to use a shield in most scenarios, and he often relied on shields even if he could probably roll out of the way of any attacks. His shields are fucking strong. So I’ve developed a piercing spell that leaves a magical ‘residue’ behind so I know where it hits. From there, I think if I just spam the piercing spell enough, I can win against Shining… assuming he doesn’t deck me and knock me out before I can even get that far.

I was just staring blankly ahead as Luna began to actually use a countdown, after I used the lack of one to instantly knock somepony out. First it was ten, and all of a sudden the fight’s started after I zoned out on how to fight this dude. Okay, I have a pretty good strategy in mind, so that means I’m going to play on it and steam roll this guy. Tickle Twilight into submission in the finals, or beat the snot out of whoever managed to beat her, and win the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs!

So I just sat there while Shining Armor waited for me to make a move.

I teleported halfway to the center again and stared Shining in the eyes. “Come at me, my guy. I already failed my mission, so I don’t care if I lose.” I lied, I was going to be a little sad, and maybe cry a little so that Celestia would kiss me to make me feel better(even if she knows I am bullshitting her).

“You strike first,” Shining raised a hoof and did the signature ‘come at me bro’ gesture, despite not having hands to do that.

“Nah, you-” he launched a spell and I immediately tried to shield. Good news, he hits like a truck. Oh wait, that’s the bad news. I literally can’t block his attacks head on, or I am going to get destroyed. Luckily, I teleported out from behind my now shattered shield to avoid getting lasered, but now my horn is starting to hurt. Why did I think I could possibly win this again? You beat everypony else here, Source, and you get confident. Why did you have to get confident, you stupid, stupid pony.

“JESUS!” I gasped before another spell came my way. I used DragonFire and zipped around the arena before coming to a halt before I ran right into another spell. Ah hell. I am going to get obliterated if I end up fighting Twilight, since I don’t think she’ll be holding back… Wait. I ran the same shield I used to block Shining’s initial attack, and rolled out the way when it inevitably got destroyed too. I wasn’t using Python. How did I not use Python initially? I took a deep breath, before standing up and finally launching my own attack.

“Looks like Cody-” Pinkie, why are you being an commentator?- “finally had enough of running away from Shining Armor’s attacks. He launches a strong beam, it’s really shiny, but Shining Armor blocked it with a shield, or darn! Why is that bit of the shield glowing?”

I started peppering that shield of Shining’s while running in and screaming the only thing that seemed appropriate at the time.

“LEROY JENKINS!” I shouted, which really only got a confused look from Shining, who just kept the shield up. Enough piercing spells, and a very long, drawn out Leroy Jenkins later, and I launched a spell with all of my magic reserves at the spot that in Shiny’s shield, he didn’t think much of it and probably just thought I was an idiot. It blasted right through the shield. I stood panting. I did it. I beat Shining-

Something hit me in the back of the head. All I saw were colors before I fell on the ground, and the enchants removed me from the arena.

“Urgh…” I groaned from my new spot on what felt like a stretcher. “What happened?” I asked while sitting up.

“Oh good, you didn’t die. Here I was thinking I hit you too hard.”

“...Hey Shiny.” My horn hurts more than my head does, which already makes me want to bash it into a tree until I stop feeling it.

“So I lost?” I asked.

“Yeah, don’t feel too bad. You came in third place. Not too shabby given that you are weaker than just about everypony competing. That fancy spell system you have sure does work, doesn’t it?” Shining asked, I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I launched everything I had at you…”

“Yeah, and I’ll admit, it hurt. I’m just better at dealing with the pain than you are; it was only my job for the longest time.”

“...But I lost…”

“And then Twilight handed my flanks to me on a platter, despite her holding back.”

I sat up and turned to face Shining Armor. We both were supposed to be hit with healing spells and rejuvenation spells so that we can compete in the incoming free for all events.

“Man, I thought I had more punch in my spells than I did. Then again, I usually mix in Stuns into my usual strikes.”

“...That might explain why you had an easier time than you should’ve, on top of the guard training and having the Princess as a personal trainer…” We both sighed. “So you lost to me, and then my little sister embarasses me. At least you had the excuse that you fought somepony with more combat experience. Twilight literally hoof handled me and knocked me out in twenty seconds.”

“...Twilight is the biggest load of shite I’ve ever heard of. If I fought her I would’ve been smeared across the ground.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it. At least you and her are going to be a team during the free for all?”

“There is that. Can’t wait for us to yell at each other.”

“Why is that?” Shining asked.

“Twilight’s used to being the leader. I’m used to not having a boss. We will get far, but I think we’ll butt heads a bunch.” I sat up and stretched and my hornache was gone. “Well, fair play to you kicking my flanks, if I see you during the free for all, I am sicking Twilight on you.”

“...Oh dear Celestia, not again.” Shining Armor looked genuinely terrified at the prospect of fighting Twilight again. For good reason, she is scary to fight just because of how darn strong she was.

“Okay Twilight, what’s the game plan?” I asked. It turns out that the arena being used is the Everfree Forest… Yeah, that’s going to be fun. Same enchants though, so if we ‘die’ we get teleported out and put into a nearby med-tent to make sure we didn’t actually get injured. Everypony was put into opposite sides of the forest and we were supposed to go into it and fight each other upon seeing each other. Thanks to some Eye Spy Spells, the audience can watch. Twilight and I were paired and we both immediately casted tracking spells on the other just in case, an idea that Twilight admitted was a good idea.

“We need to stick together. I’ll be the first pony to admit that you have more combat experience than I do, and I clearly am the stronger of the two of us. You also know how to deal with environments from the Everfree forest, if what you say about… your country is true. So I say we take turns taking the lead. If I say we flee, we flee. If we get into a fight, I’ll follow your orders. Since your brain clearly works differently from the average pony, if I freeze up, I want you to yell at me to do something.” We weren’t being watched yet. “I need your predator brain to come up with a lot of calls.”

“...I have an idea then,” I said with a smug little grin. “We… Well, some ponies from back home know a thing or two about war. I have a pretty sick strategy, since it’s bound to work.”

“And that idea is?”

“Find the center of the forest, and sit in a tree or hide in a bush. I can camouflage us using a few spells, and together, not many would be able to tank a full powered stun spell from either of us. Or either of us attacking them with any number of spells. This strat… Well, it would help me with not having to exhaust my meager magic pool, and it would keep us from having to fight super often, which would also help us stay energized for the final fight.”

“...That sounds boring, yet practical.”

“Hey, hiding in trees is what a smaller country of… ponies did against my the country i lived in, once upon a time. That smaller country floored us, despite the numerous war crimes committed.”

“...War crimes?”

“I’ll tell you more in the future. C’mon, the free for all gonna start, and we either sit in a tree, or hunt down your brother and kick his butt so that he isn’t a threat. I know Prince Blueblood ran back to Canterlot as soon as he realized he’d have to fight me again, so that’s one less pony we gotta deal with.”

“So your other strategy… involved sicking me on my brother?” Twilight asked.

Instead of walking into the center of the forest, we decided to walk for an hour into the forest and then climb up into a tree.

“Yeah. I fought Shiny and you saw how badly I lost. Apparently you mopped the field with your brother while pounding him with various spells.”

“...Oh. I didn’t want to do it though. You think I liked doing that to my BBBFF?” I raised an eyebrow. “Big Brother Best Friend Forever, duh.” That isn’t very obvious, Twilight, but whatever. “I know I had to, but I didn’t feel good about doing it.”

“I know. I know if I had to hit my brother, I wouldn’t feel great about it.”

“You’ve… never talked about your siblings. Why is that?”

“I just never had much of a desire to. It’s… not a great topic for me, if you can get that.” I know we were being watched, but I didn’t particularly care. “Uh… imagine never being able to see Shining Armor again, and make it six or seven times worse because I’m the oldest of my siblings. I had two brothers and a sister, my sister was the youngest. I couldn’t ever imagine raising a hoof to them. I…” I paused and cleared my throat. I think I felt a tear stain my cheek. “Let’s just say I miss them, hence why I never brought them up. I physically can’t go home, Twilight. It’s how life for me crumbled… But I have reasons to keep getting up in the morning, so I still keep going so despite my desire to not do so sometimes.”

“Such as…”

“Watching Celestia raise the sun while pretending to still be asleep is a reason. Reminds me that it’s a new day and life might get better. Usually, I’m proven right.”

“...That… You-”

“Yeah, I watch Celly raise the Sun every morning. How could I not? I’m the luckiest stallion in the world who gets to lay my eyes on such a view every morning. I still can’t get tired of it. Sometimes I do get the rare opportunity to watch Lulu-” I could feel Luna groan at me using that nickname for the entirety of Ponyville to hear- “and it’s super cute, since I can only ever do it after waking up early and sneaking up on her. She says it should be a great honor to watch her do as such, which it is, but she always makes the cutest little noise when I blow in her ear after she finishes raising the moon. Even with Luna insisting that I’m essentially her younger brother due to my relationship with Celestia… She forgets that once an older brother, always an older brother…” I looked dead at where I knew an Eye Spy Spell was watching. “You’re welcome Luna for the embarrassment. Yes, you will get to hit me in the back of the head for this when we get home. All I can say is worth it!”

I immediately dropped down from the tree, elbow first, right onto Shining Armor, knocking him out immediately. He disappeared in a flash of magic, and his buddy almost got me right after… if Twilight didn’t immediately knock him out too, sending him away.

“So…”

We got teleported out.

“What!?” I asked. “The Everfree is huge, and we didn’t get hurt. What happened?”

“Nearly everypony wanted out as soon as they stepped into the forest,” Celestia explained, walking up to us. “So you two won the whole event in the most boring, and embarrassing way for my sister, possible. So, congratulations you two, you’ve won the free for all!”

“...That was underwhelming,” I said.

“But we won,” Twilight pointed out.

“In the dumbest way possible. Everpony chickened out.” We both sighed. I think the both of us were hoping for something more in terms of difficulty in the free for all. We were both given medals and matching trophies, and sent off. Of course, somepony demanded a photo of the two of us snuggled together, wearing our medals from our respective won contests, with me having two bronze medals and Twilight having mostly golden medals, along with the two of us having gold trophies for winning, with Twilight having several. There was a whole paparazzi.

“The adorable couple that are learning from under Celestia’s wing” was the title of the article that came out a week later. A photo of me and Twilight, with our sides touching. Since Twilight was taller than I was, she was resting her head on top of mine, and Celly had laid her wings over the two of us. Why they didn't use the juicer ‘Princess has a new consort’ tagline is beyond me, but I suppose it would get some ‘aw’ points from everypony that saw it. What with the whole Twilight, the nearly untouchable student of the Princess, suddenly has a short little stallion to date.

Though the next page goes on to explain that we weren’t dating, and then the page after that, explained that I was Celestia’s brand new coltfriend and consort. Even in other universes, journalists still use slimy ways to get their articles written.

Overall, the whole event wasn’t all too bad, even if I was stressing out over trying to win events I really had no chance at coming in first place in. And it scored me a new job that I was getting ready for. Here’s hoping it’s fun.

I Have a New Job or Two.

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So, I got a new job. In case you were wondering, because of this new job, I had to leave Hayburger in order to pursue my new job as a magical tutor. Now, I am no magical teacher, but from what I’ve had to learn can basically be applied to every unicorn foal ever. Get them to figure out how to use their horn, usually from some form of mental or emotional stimulation, and then snowball from there. It was a pretty straightforward thing. Cheerilee hired me as her tutor, but asked me for my first few days to come during school hours to see if I could also act as an assistant teacher during mondays and fridays every week. If I could, then hey, I have two jobs and get paid a little extra for being a tutor and an assistant teacher, or sometimes a sub-in for Cheerilee if I’m good enough at teaching.

Granted, that’s assuming I’m even good at being a tutor, or able to teach magic. Luckily, I’ve made a video game tutorial a few times, and it’s pretty easy to make a guidebook to anything in a game. I like to bolster being able to make guide videos to my small audience of two people back when I was human. So it wasn’t hard to actually just guide ponies through the process. For the first lesson, I would actually be meeting Cheerilee at the schoolhouse where she was going to monitor how I was doing things, with Twilight there only to make sure I was teaching legitimate stuff at first. No, Twilight wouldn’t be teaching any foals, she’s not the biggest fan of those.

“How do I look?” I asked Celestia. She and Luna decided to take the opportunity to watch me get ready for the day. I was wearing my trench coat, leaving it unbuttoned because I thought it looked cooler. Under that I wore a white t-shirt, because ponies need t-shirts for some reason, and a black necktie. As it turned out, ponies don’t wear pants ever, and often prefer to leave their hind legs free, or under a dress or cape(for various reasons including being able to use the bathroom better). So that was as far as I went in terms of clothing because of that. It wasn’t necessary, but it felt more professional to show up clothed rather than in my birthday suit, even though nopony would mind.

“You look handsome as usual,” Celestia looked me up and down. “I will wait until tomorrow night to get you out of your outfit. I hope you understand the implementation of wearing clothes, Source.”

“What?”

“My sister refrained from telling you this, as per usual,” Luna shook her head. “Wearing clothes for ponies is usually more provocative than wearing nothing at all. Some ponies dream of what Tia, or me, look like without any regalia. More are dreaming of me making kitten noises after you embarrassed me in public-” she whacked me over the back of the head with a wing. “I’ve still not hit you over the head enough to show my displeasure of you doing that, by the way.”

“Oh, c’mon. I know you loved it because I basically publicly admitted to adoring you. That gotcha a few less fearful gazes and a few more friendlier faces.”

“...That it did. I can’t say it worked incredibly well, but thou didst help a little by doing that.”

“Ponies need to remember that you and Celly are ponies too, y’all can be adorable when you need to be. Not just two regal figures of perfection. I can tell Celly’s getting sick of it.”

“It… has its low points, and its high points,” Celestia admitted. “However, yes, wearing clothes is rather… attractive. It makes me ponder on what is underneath them, even if I have seen what is under them before. Ponies will think you are possibly more handsome. Given that you’ve gotten much more muscular recently, covering them makes me beyond excited to get those clothes off of you and admire your new figure.” Huh. We both chuckled. “I assume if you were a normal pony, seeing me without my regalia would be less interesting than seeing me with it.”

“You look better without the necklace or horseshoes. You’re stunning as is, Celly.”

“What about me, hmm Source?” Luna asked with a sly smile.

“Lulu, I know legally we can share consorts-”

“But you are quite frankly adorable, and because of how you’ve been treating me…” I paused. “Yeah, you’re pretty Luna. I can’t deny that. You’re beautiful too, but you’re like a sister to me. You are adorable, very adorable.”

“Well, it would be weird to hear my surrogate brother say I am attractive,” Luna nuzzled me. “You are handsome, though. Our relationship is rather odd, with us switching the role of ‘older sibling’ so often. But as your older sister as of speaking, I am proud of how well you clean up, Source. I wish I could’ve been the mare that found you first at times, but I am perfectly happy with being your adopted sister.” She whacked me over the head with her wing. “I’m still mad at you for embarrassing me in public in front of hundreds of ponies.”

“How could I not? Once the oldest sibling, always the oldest sibling. You sneeze like a kitten by the way. At least I didn’t say that in public?”

“We are Princesses, Source. We do not sneeze like kittens,” Luna said sternly. The glint in her eyes told me to not take her seriously.

“If I had an audio recording device, I would record you both sneezing and replay it right now. You both sneeze like kittens and it’s so fucking cute.”

Both sisters gave me puppy eyes and head tilts. “Are we cute?” They asked simultaneously. It was very cute, and my heart was starting to burn. “Pwease come back tomorrow in the afternoon so we can get our share of stallion snuggies?” They said every word together at the same time. It was cute, and oddly horrifying. One, it was weird as to how they were doing that, two, it was cute, three, it was horrifying because I couldn’t argue against it. When Luna and Celestia were giving the in-sync heald tilts, puppy eyes, and pouty lips… Yeah, you aren’t going to be able to fight against it, you will do what they say… their eyes are getting bigger and more watery.

“Fuck you both for being adorable. How the hell are you two even doing that? I know siblings share brain cells sometimes, but that is scarily in sync.”

My only answer was two head tilts before I eventually had to go to Ponyville.

I used DragonFire the moment I stepped out of the castle. Something I’ve noticed is that as long as I am conscious and have magic reserved, I can use DragonFire for as long as I want as long as I moderate my speed, and as long as I’ve got magic. Luckily, because it’s Python based, I don’t worry about my magic reserves too much when it comes to using DragonFire. It’s still weird, because a teleport with Python will still give me a hornache if I teleport more than thirty meters with it. However, DragonFire used teleport as a part of it, along with two more somewhat complex spells(despite them being Python based, some spells can only be simplified so much).

Basically, this all boils down to… If I have the magic, I can easily, easily travel to Manehattan. I don’t think I do, but I managed to make it to Ponyville pretty quickly(like ten to fifteen minutes. It’s a two hour train ride at the longest). I know my magic tutoring was only for afterschool, but Cheerilee wanted to introduce me to the class. I’m going to assume that I’ll be meeting her at the schoolhouse? I know it was somewhere on the way to Sweet Apple Acres, so I flew around that area until I saw a large, red house with a little playground outside of it.

I came crashing down at the entrance, making sure I stayed far away enough from the last of the foals walking into the building. I could see a bunch of little snouts pressed against the window, some with wide eyes, others pointing and jumping like excitable children seeing something cool. Cheerilee wasn’t standing outside of the building like I thought she would, or by the entrance. In fact, when I walked in, after getting the last of the foals inside the building, she wasn’t there at all. I shrugged and walked over to the desk.

“Alright,” I said, straightening my tie and looking over the papers… How old were these kids? This looks like stuff I’d see in the third grade. Basic multiplication and division, some usual, third grade level literature along with a book the class was all reading, along with a worksheet that seemed all too familiar; a worksheet to go along with the book. ‘Tis a shame, usually the books read in class were always pretty good, but most of the kids in said class really only focused on the book to get a good grade. I hummed and skipped over the history section; ain’t no shot in balls I could ever teach that right now. Not with my abhorrent lack of knowledge in that department. I stepped away from the desk and walked to the front, sitting on my haunches and taking a deep breath.

“So, can anypony tell me where Ms. Cheer-”

“Are you the special guest that Ms. Cheerilee is bringing in today?” One of the foals asked. He was a yellow little coat with a brown mane.

“I think I am? I know your teacher wanted me to come in today, but I was expecting to meet her here. Any clue where she is?”

“Ms. Cheerilee was going to stop by the library to get you, since you apparently know the librarian living there. Is the purple pony living in the library weird? You’re apparently dating her.”

“...I came from Canterlot about ten minutes ago. Flew in on DragonFire.”

“How’d you do that?” Sweetie belle squeaked.

“Yeah! We all saw you do it during the competition thingy that a bunch of unicorns were hosting. “It looked almost as cool as Rainbow Dash flying-”

“Oh shut up you blank flanks. He has better things to do than to answer silly questions from you losers,” a little brat said with a crown sitting upon her head. She’s a magenta, little filly with a pale, violet looking mane with a… I think that’s a white streak going through it. I would call it gray, but getting the wrong colors of a mare’s mane is a sin, according to Rarity. Upon her head, again, was a little crown that didn’t look like it was actually real. It looked a little fake and a little cheapo. “So, Mr. Source Code,” she turned to me with big, bright eyes that did not match the tone of voice that she had just had with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

“Yes?” I raised an eyebrow. I guess this turned into a little question and answer post, but I don’t particularly mind that.

“My Dad was reading the news article made about you. He says you’re dating the Princess,” Tiara’s eyes got even bigger. “Is that true?”

“Yeah, I am dating the Princess and sometimes cook us both a nice meal. We kissed in public and every now and then. The way she sparkles when raising the Sun…” I chuckled. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world… Why do you ask?”

“Could you… introduce us to her?” Tiara asked.

“...I think Celly’s having breakfast right now. It’s one of the few times in the day she gets to relax. I care about her deeply, and while I would love to snuggle up into her side while answering a bunch of questions, her work is only a little more important than mine. Y’know, I come up with ways to make spell casting easier, and she has a whole kingdom to run. Only a little bit more important.” Most of the foals, except Apple Bloom and her friends who were used to my sarcasm, looked shocked. “I’m joking. Celestia’s job is so damn hard, and sometimes I try to help out, and can’t even comprehend whatever legal stuff she has to deal with.

“But my point still stands. I know Celestis can easily bend her schedule for me, but I don’t want her to. I don’t want to get her buried in paperwork because I wanted to snatch her away from her work to show off to a bunch of foals. It stresses her out a fair amount, which is fun because I get to massage and groom her, but also sucks because I can see how much it’s eating at her.”

“You just don’t wanna show that you’re actually dating the Princess-”

A phoenix managed to open a window, and I immediately knew who it was after it landed on the ground and hopped on over to me with a scroll in one of its talons. “Ah, Philomena! Celly asked you to deliver a letter for some reason?” The bird nodded, and hopped around after handing the scroll to read along, even if I don’t think she can read. I never really mentioned Philomena, but that’s because I don’t know how to describe her. She’s a beautiful phoenix. While we were reading it, I had wrapped a hoof around her, and started rubbing under her wing.

Philomena was more than appreciative of me trying to pet her, and cooed a little. Most of the class was frozen; I think they all heard about the time that Fluttershy kidnapped the Princess’s pet that she thought was sick. They were probably even more shocked to see the random dude that is me, petting her. “Wanna hangout with me for the day?” I asked, rereading the message to make sure I wasn’t wrong. Philomena chirped and nuzzled me with her beak. She then hopped on my back and I chuckled. “So uh, I was supposed to meet your teacher at the train station. Twilight too.” I laughed. “Ah fuck, I shoulda told Twilight that I would be showing up with DragonFire because I thought it’d look cool!”

Philomena proceeded to let out a very human-sounding laugh while I sat on my butt, holding my hoof to my forehead. “Ah, I am so darn stupid,” I chuckled before reaching up and scratching Philomena’s beak, how was I doing it without fingers? I dunno, but apparently it’s what I was doing when I raised my hoof to the phoenix’s beak. “Hey girl,” I said. “Can you go get Twilight and Ms. Cheerilee at the train station? Somebody's gotta make sure these foals behave, and I think they’ll listen to me a bit more-'' I paused. “Nevermind, you technically have a higher place of authority than I do because you look cuter.” Philomena raised her head at the praise, before taking off out the window she came in from.

Moments later, I’m sitting at Cheerilee’s desk, watching her teach while Philomena rested her head on my shoulder while the two of us were sitting mildly bored through a lecture. Occasionally I chimed in on an easier way to do a problem, which made Cheerilee give me a nod of approval. Luckily, the bird resting on my shoulder kept me mildly occupied, and helped me not look bored. The only foals actually answering anything were Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, since the rest of the foals were still staring wide eyed at me.

I teleported a packet of sunflower seeds to me, and started sharing the bag between me and Phili, my personal nickname for Philomena… then she swiped the bag, took five seeds and gave me a cute little, smug grin. She knew just how sweet and adorable she looked and that I couldn’t get mad at her for doing what she just did. She was mostly just teasing; she only took five seeds after all, so I couldn’t get mad at anyways. I planted a kiss on the bird’s forehead, and she recoiled while looking shocked.

“What?” I whispered. “Didn’t expect me to be affectionate every now and then? You’re just as much my pet as you are Celly’s, even if she’s known you for a few thousand years longer than I have.” Philomena chirped quietly, and I swear I noticed a small blush, probably because I just embarrassed her by doing what I just did in public, before she buried her face into my neck and started chirping what Celestia called ‘Philomena swearing’.

“Is there something you and Philomena would like to share with the class, Mr. Source?” Cheerilee asked.

“Oh, shoot. I didn’t mean to whisper that loud, Ms. Cheerilee. It’s not everyday that I get to hangout with this lovely little lady, when I do, it’s usually a treat-”

“Think nothing of it, I do ask that you two keep down a little more. I do appreciate your occasional tips and tricks for reading comprehension and mathematics, so your presence still isn’t unwelcome, and you still have your after class tutoring with my unicorn students. Just… keep the chirping and spoiling of Princess Celestia’s pet to a minimum?”

“Can do, Cheerilee. I can’t guarantee you won’t hear a chirp every now and then. Phili’s a little chatty because I just embarrassed her.” Cheerilee giggled at that.

“That will be alright, it’s not too loud.”

I soon found Philomena perched on top of my head, watching the rest of the classroom after I started actually paying attention during history, and even took my own notes in a notebook I borrowed from Twilight, who showed up shortly after stepping outside to take a few deep breaths. It turned out that Philomena and Twilight have little history beyond the one time she helped kidnap the phoenix, but the bird was quick to forgive, since Philomena took a lot after her mama bird, AKA Celestia.

Philomena pretends to bucking die for a prank. Yeah, Twilight and Fluttershy were both a little traumatized by that at first. Luckily, nopony was actually hurt, and Philomena was reprimanded for giving poor ol’ Flutters and Twily a heart attack, and the two actually got along pretty quickly after that. Their shared love for Celly made for some quick bonding, even if the phoenix liked me more and chose to remain closer to me. Mostly because I knew where to scratch her, and because she looked sitting in my messy mane more. Only because she was taught the importance of a mare’s mane, so she didn’t want to ruin Twilight’s mane.

“And that is the Equinian-Griffonian War!”

So after school was let out, only a handful of foals, a whole five of them stuck around after class. All of them were unicorns. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom really only stuck around because they were going to hang out with Sweetie Belle after her tutoring. There was a foal named Dinky, who was apparently the daughter of a pegasus named Muffins ‘Derpy’ Doo, or the main mailmare of Ponyville. There were Snips and Snails, who looked ready to walk out immediately. There was nothing behind their eyes, but I could be wrong. Then there was another unicorn named Button, who happened to be who Sweetie Belle was probably crushing on.

Cheerilee and Twilight sat in the back of the room and watched me getting ready to teach.

“Aight kiddos, step away from the desks, I’m gonna rearrange them so we can all sit while facing each other. It works best if we all learn how to use magic if we’re closer together.” Everypony did as such, and I immediately got to work. Twilight raised an eyebrow at my use of Levitation, probably because she didn’t expect me to be able to move so many objects so easily, while working through a magical textbook I was making for beginners. It was what I made during my own experiences of learning how to use magic.

After the desks were arranged, I even coaxed Apple Bloom and Scootaloo over so they wouldn’t be bored. “Just don’t distract Sweetie Belle too much, alright? Today will mostly be an introduction and what I’ll expect every time I show up.” Both of them nodded, and started watching intently.

“Okay, who here is able to actually use their horns? Don’t feel bad if you don’t raise your hoof-” Everypony but Sweetie Belle and Dinky did. “Alright, I’ll be working with you two personally after I get over this whole curriculum thing. Or whatever it’s called; I’m not a trained professional. Anyways, every week, I will teach ya’ll a spell or the basics of a magical system, throughout the week, I want you guys to practice what I teach you on monday on your own. On Friday I’ll check where everypony is and help anypony falling behind. I will do my best to make sure nopony falls behind.

“However, if I notice anypony not picking up on anything I teach them, not because they’re stupid or don’t know how, but because they actively ignore anything I teach them, I won’t help ya. It’ll pain me to do it since I don’t like giving up on anypony, but I can’t help anypony who can’t help themselves. Sweetie Belle, I believe I can get your First Spark the easiest, so come with me. Dinky Doo,” the little light gray, almost violet, unicorn looked up at me. “If I can’t get to you this week, I will be in town tomorrow. I’ll want you to get your mother to take me to Twilight’s library, and we’ll go from there, aight?” She nodded, looking hopeful. “Everypony else…” My eyes instantly landed on Button. “Why do you look sad?”

“...I can’t use magic either,” he almost whispered. “It’s embarrassing! There are foals half-”

“Being a late bloomer isn’t anything to be embarrassed by. I only learnt how to use magic very recently, because back where I came from, unicorns were hardly a thing. My parents couldn’t teach me because they were earth ponies and I had no way of learning. Celestia took me under her wing after learning of the new perspective I could put in on magic, and here I am. I’m damn near twenty years old, Button, and I didn’t know how to use magic until about half a year ago.”

“...What?! But you-”

“I worked hard. You don’t get anywhere in life by being sad and doing nothing to improve your situation. I know this is going to suck, hearing it from an adult, but if you want something, it ain’t gonna be given to you. You gotta work hard and hope you get lucky; I got super, super lucky that I got to be in the position that I’m in, Button. Just don’t give up, hold your head high, and keep going. I’ll try and stick around on wednesday and help you out if I can’t get to you either. Does that sound good?” I walked around the table, laid down and actually laid Button on the side of my stomach. “Well?”

“That… would be nice. Can you help me become as good as I can be at magic?”

“I will do my damned best. If none of you can’t teleport by the end of the year, then I will say I failed as a teacher. Luckily Python is designed to be easy and helpful for those with less magic, so… You should be able to even do DragonFire…” Button's excited look made me smile. he looked a little confused too, but I could guess why. “Remember how I flew in?”

“I COULD DO THAT!?” Button exclaimed.

“HELL YEA YOU CAN!” I said, just as excited. “And you will be able to.”

“I CAN’T WAIT-”

“Hold it, Button,” I pointed at his horn. “Your horn’s lit,” I said with a larger smile growing on my face. “You got your first spark.”

“I… What?” He looked up and saw his horn was lit. “OH!” it went out, and he quickly figured out how to consistently light it.

“That, Button, is the hardest step. Maybe your cutie mark is going to involve magic?”

“I hope it does…” Button immediately hopped up on his hindlegs and hugged me. “Thank you, Mr. Code.”

“Hey, don’t go thanking me, you just proved one of my theories for getting that first spark,” I chuckled, and couldn’t not hug him. He is so god damn excitable and adorable, and I was struggling… Why did I have him snuggled up into my side like he was my kid? I just met him. Maybe this is the joy that comes from teaching? Probably. Maybe it’s this stupid new body of mine making my fatherly instincts shine through.

“Ha, he just now got his magic in such a dorky way-”

“Snails, shut the fuck up. If you shit on somepony else’s achievement and that’s all you know how to do, I want you to get the fuck out-”

“It’s not even impressive-”

Now Button just looked angry. I was too.

“Snips,” I said sternly. “Quit being a dipshit.”

“But-”

“Snips, Snails, get the fuck out. I ain’t helping you two dipshits. We’re here to lift each other up. Cheerilee, excuse my language, but I don’t tolerate shit like-” I glared and Snips and Snails, who had the brains to back away. “The sorta shit that leaves these two’s mouths. Now you two, do you want to actually learn-”

“Why are we even learning from you if you didn’t win any of those competitions-”

“Why are you two still even here? I said get out. I ain’t teaching you two. When you two quit being gobshites, I’ll consider taking you back. Alright?”

“Fine! This is a waste of time anyway.” Snips and Snails said at the same time before leaving. “Trixie is better at magic than you are anyways!” WIth that, the two colts left. Good, fuck those kids.

“Alright, I guess our little turorage session dropped to three unicorns. Sweetie Belle, can you come with me so I can help you get that first ignition?”

After convincing Sweetie Belle how much being able to use magic would help with getting her cutie mark, she got pretty damn excited, and actually was actually able to use levitate by the end of the hour. Cheerilee didn’t initially approve of how I told Snips and Snails to fuck off, but understood why and was fine with it after saying I would take them back if their behavior improved. The problem was Dinky, since I couldn’t immediately figure out what she was passionate about… Until I learnt something important.

“I want Mommy to be proud of me…” She whispered, staring at her horn that simply won’t light.

“Do you want to perform magic tricks to help Mrs. Doo unwind after work?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to be able to do it by being able to turn your hooves into talons?”

“Yeah…”

“I bet she would be really happy if you showed her some magic tricks.” Dinky Do started looking more excited. “Whatever spells you want me to teach you, I will. You’ll have a whole arsenal of spells to make your mother happy…”

“Can you teach me how to do that levitation thingy as good as you?”

“If that’s what you want, I will teach you how.”

A small smile formed on her face and her horn lit. She gasped. “OH SWEET CELESTIA YOU DID IT!” She started jumping up and down and tackled my face. I laughed and allowed Dinky to work her excitement out. This was how it was across all three foals; they were all super happy to be able to finally use magic. Granted, they can’t do anything yet, but they’ll learn overtime, As soon as I realized we were progressing a lot sooner than I had expected, I started teaching them the Runes of Python and gave them some handy dandy little flash cards I had made that had all the Runes of Python and how to do them.

“No, you did it, Dinky. I just helped ya get there. Ain’t no shame in needing a bit of help every now and then, eh?” Dinky shook her head, before quickly figuring out how to light her horn constantly on her own.

Then small handbooks on how to work their way through an equation. “I want you kiddos to read through them and try to do every Rune. On Friday I want to see if you all can do every Rune. If not, I’ll teach y’all a trick to make Runes a lot easier, and if you can? I’ll still teach you the tricks. This is all for Python, so the Runes require as little muscle control as possible. Anypony able to cast a basic light spell will be treated, by me, to some ice cream as a treat. After that, we’ll begin on Rune casting speed.”

Aside from Snips and Snails being little gobshites, I would say that most of the tutoring went well, Cheerilee paid me for my work, and thanked me for coming. Philomena had perched herself on my back as we started walking back through town. “Hey, Mr. Code,” Button said, trotting up behind me. “Can… you walk me home? It’s a little dark and-”

“Ey, no skin off my nose. C’mon, lead the way. I'll be close by. Between me and Phili here, you’ll get home safely.” Button trotted up beside me, just a little bit ahead of me so we could follow him. A few minutes in, Philomena was hopping along, chirping away a storm while Button was seemingly having an argument with her from atop of my back. The conversation was clearly one sided, Phili was just having fun with Button, and Button clearly got along with the phoenix. We eventually walked up on… a large building. It was kinda fancy looking, so I assumed that Button may be pretty well off.

“You can drop me off here, this is my home,” Button whispered.

“Alright. If you need me to walk you home after our tutoring sessions and your parents aren’t… available, lemme know. I’m not about to let my students walk home alone in the dark.”

“You let Sweetie Belle and her friends walk home alone.”

“AJ actually met them at the gate after we left. They usually just have free reign in the town because of how weird some of their adventures to get a cutie mark is.” I hummed. Before laying on my stomach so that Button could slide off. “Well kiddo, I’ll see you and the rest of our little circle Friday morning? I’m still supposed to shadow Cheerilee and figure out how I can help out with teaching in some capacity for the second job she’s giving me. Keep working on those Runes, read a bit of that Light spell,” I reached under my trench coat and pulled out a textbook for Python. “And, if you feel like it, hand a gander at this. It’ll help you out a lot; I made a spell system, obviously, and I made the textbook so just about anypony with a horn can pick it up.”

“...But-”

“Don’t say you won’t be able to do it-”

“I wasn’t. Why are you helping me out so much?”

“It’s my job,” I said. “And because I can see how damn passionate you are about learning how to do magic. If I can keep that passion going and teach you how to do magic, then hey! I made an impact in somepony’s life. At least I can make a difference somewhere, when I couldn’t do it back home.” Button paused, staring at the book. He looked it over before nodding to, presumably, himself, before stashing away in his saddlebags and started walking again.

“Want me to walk you to the door?” I asked, noticing the big sign.

“No! I can handle it. It’s only a few meters.”

“Alright,” I stood up. “Hey kiddo,” Button turned back to me. “Have a good night.”

After Button walked in the door, I started walking too. I was going to be staying at Twilight's for a reason. I was told to come back tomorrow, which was basically Celly’s ‘me and Lulu are going to have some sisterly bonding time and snuggle up together overnight’ thing. I wish I could be there to see the adorable scene of Luna snuggled up under Celestia’s chin, while being pressed into her older sister’s side with a wing, but if they only want the two of them to be there for their snuggle time, so be it. I think Twilight might use me as a pillow tonight, I dunno.

I think that she was. I trotted into the library a few hours after I had dropped Button off(I just wanted to take a walk), and came faced with a problem. Six mares, Twilight and her friends, who else? Anyways they were all wearing pajamas, though Rainbow seemed a little peeved about having to wear something that made her look ‘too cute and cuddly’. I just sat in the entrance and slowly turned to Spike.

“Am I going to get drugged, murdered and dumped out back? And if yes, can they reschedule my murder for a year or two?”

“No, they wanted to have a sleepover with you. It was Pinkie’s idea," Spike said as he walked up. We bro-fisted/clawed. Darn, so much for me dying.

I reached in my trench coat again and pulled out a comic book and handed it over to Spike. “Here you go, my dude.”

“...Dude, that’s a limited edition copy of Power Ponies… This is ten years old!”

“Hit with every enchant possible to keep it in pristine condition,” I whispered. “It’s sort of… a thank you. Thanks to you helping me with DragonFire gave me the groundwork for Python and gave me proof that it does do what it should. In a way, you helped turn my life around. This is the least I can do. Thanks to Celly, I found where one of these bad boys was to thank you with.”

“I…” Spike hopped up and hugged me, and I couldn’t help but laugh like an idiot. We both did, before inevitably the mares in the room snagged me, while Spike went to go put a cover on the limited edition, first ever copy of Power Ponies that was apparently only released in one city. Or something. I don’t keep up with comics, and especially not Power Ponies, but Celestia told me it was apparently a very, very rare copy that I had purchased.

“So…” I said, now knowing I was at the mercy of the Bearers. “Why’d y’all want a sleepover.”

Rarity started. “We…We wanted to spend some time with you. The last time we all spent some time together, it was during the Summer Sun Celebration, where…”

“Y’all almost let me get killed a few times?”

“We… also wanted to apologize for that,” Twilight laughed a little nervously. “Why do you treat us nicely after that?”

“I just do. I’ve been trying not to hold grudges. If I did, I wouldn’t get along with Luna and I wouldn’t have made a friend outta Trixie. I’ve… held a grudge with my sister once, never, ever got it sorted out. I uh…” I chuckled. “Man, that actually sucks.” I paused before taking a deep breath. “Anywho, I learnt to not hold grudges to the proverbial grave. Y’all genuinely aren’t bad ponies, so I’m going to make an effort to be your friend, and we’ll pretend like what happened in the Everfree never happened; I was never there.”

“You weren’t there?!” Pinkie asked. I chuckled at that. “But then who was the stallion we were traveling with? I was hoping to get his number!”

“Uh, he fell in a hole. Then he became really ugly. So ugly that everyone around him died. Then he died because he fell on his face and never went to the hospital.” I wasn’t going to ask her how she knew about the ‘get his number’ bit. It’s Pinkie, don’t acknowledge half the things she says, because she doesn’t either.

“Oh. When’s the funeral?” Pinkie asked.

“Sometime in the near future. Relatively soon.” We both giggled at that. A few hours later, I got dragged into a pile of mares, until Philomena managed to drag me out of it and literally use me as a bird bed. It was a pretty fun way to spend the night in Ponyville. I woke up covered in feathers, because Philomena is a feather-dispensing little lady, and demands all the snuggles… I couldn’t move until twelve in the afternoon; Philomena literally wouldn’t let me get up. No, she didn’t make me stay still until twelve, no, she looked cute while she was sleeping and I would’ve felt bad if I woke her up before she wanted to wake up.

I got to hug Phili for a few hours, so that’s always a plus at least. I think I may end up spending the week with Phili if she wants that… Though I think Luna may want to spend the week with me too. It has been a solid minute since the two of us were doing our weird ‘I’m the older sibling now, nerd’ relationship. So… Yeah, I’m gonna find Luna… after being used as a snuggle toy by her and Celly because they wanted their stallion snuggies.

Wait, why did all of Twilight’s friends want stallion snuggies? I can’t remember. I just know that Rarity looked a little disappointed when I was pulled out of the pony pile they had formed around me before going to sleep. She was resting her head on my flank, after all.

I’m gonna try and get her to come with me to the next tutoring session on Friday. I know that she would love to spend some time with a bunch of cute foals and possibly help teach them.

Going Back to Ponyville for the Week.

View Online

I sat down after Celestia and Luna had their snuggles, as Celly wanted to talk with me about how my teaching gig had gone on the first day, and Luna wanted to go to sleep since it was way too late in the day for her to be awake. Celestia made us dinner, since we’ve been getting our food from the Royal Kitchens a lot less, as in one of us would attempt to cook something up. At first Chef Beet was concerned about letting me or Celly cook, mostly Celly(she burnt water once too, apparently). However, after I actually taught Celestia how to cook a little, she does cook when time permits. Usually I cook, or if we’re both feeling lazy, we do end up ordering something quick like a simple salad.

“So,” Celestia said, sitting across from me in our private dining room. “I received a letter from Twilight. Did you seriously swear at two foals?”

“I didn’t yell at them, at least,” I chuckled. “Uh, those two brats were trying to put down my other students for not being able to use magic until I literally helped them. I don’t tolerate that kinda stuff; it seems innocent and harmless but bullying can lead to a lot of things. Back home at least, the best-case scenario is whoever’s getting bullied doesn’t care. Worse case… Uh, usually a news article is written and there’s one less person on the planet and a grieving family. I’ve lost a friend, one I knew since I was five, because she got bullied so damn hard and she never asked for help because she felt like she couldn’t.” I sighed. “I ain’t gonna have that sorta shit happen if I’m teaching and can catch it.”

“I see…” Celestia sighed. “I suppose you did have a reason to cast them out, though you should’ve done it a little more professionally. As in swear a little less when dealing with foals?”

“The foals I was dealing with were Dinky Doo, Button, and Sweetie Belle after that. I know for a fact that Apple Bloom’s taught Sweetie a thing or two about swearing. I swear though, I kept my swearing to a minimum after I made the bullies leave my little tutoring session. I probably let it slip here or there, but I’m a bit Irish, we tend to swear just a little bit.” Or a lot if we had some whisky.

“Now that you say that, your accent is a bit unlike anything I’ve heard before. It’s faint, but it’s there.”

“It’d get stronger if I were drunk, or talking to a fellow Irishman. Usually I try to keep it tame so people can understand me. Ma was an Aussie, Pa was Irish. Combine the two accents from those, and you get mine. Though I certainly swear a lot more than the average Aussie… I don’t think Snips or Snails will be coming to my next session; they said they were a waste of time. ‘Tis a shame, but… if they don’t wanna learn, or want my help, I can’t do much, can I?”

“I suppose not.” Celestia nodded, sipping on some tea. “Though there is something I would like to point out.”

“Go on.”

“You got three foals to have their First Spark; you got them using magic in your first session?”

“Yeah. is that… a big deal?”

“You’ve no training as a teacher, and you’ve done that, Source. Some professors struggle with getting foals to use magic for the first time.”

“Well, it was pretty easy. Figure out what gets them excited, play off of it, and then somehow spin the desire to learn how to perform spells into that excitement. Brew it together and all of sudden… Magic. Sweetie Belle thought she could get a cutie mark in magic and her friends thought they could get magic in helping her practice. Button… Ah Button, kid’s a sweetheart, I think he wants to learn magic first and foremost; being with me is like a dream come true. He can actually learn from me. Dinky’s reason for wanting to learn is fucking adorable; she just wants to make her Mom proud.” Seriously, Dinky is a little cinnamon roll. In fact, all three of my students are cinnamon rolls.

I love my students and it hasn’t even been a full day since I’ve started tutoring them.

“I see… Twilight talked with Cheerilee. Button… He did ask you to walk him home, yes?”

“Yeah, seemed super hesitant about letting me see the front door, though. We weren’t even around the corner of the building when we got to his place…”

“Was it a large, nice looking building?”

“Yeah.”

“That was Ponyville’s orphanage, Source.”

“...What did you just say?”

“Button is an orphan Source.”

“...So that’s probably why I let him snuggle up on the side of my belly, and why he smelled… so plain, like he had no smell on him beyond his own. Wait, what the fuck?!” I asked. “Oh god…” I took a deep breath. Okay yeah, this body has some really strong primal instincts; it wanted to keep Button close after realizing that a foal with no parents was nearby… wait, that ain’t how horses operate in the wild, what the heck? Mmm, pony biology.

“Twilight mentioned how Button used the side of your belly as a pillow while trying to perform Runes after you taught everypony there how. Of course, Dinky and Sweetie Belle, according to Twilight, were using your back as a pillow. Letting a foal use the side of your stomach as a pillow is something you usually only reserve for your foal. Button likes you a lot, Source.”

“...Would you get mad if I adopted him? I won’t do it immediately, I wanna get to know the kid before I do it on a whim. But if I end up liking him enough to take him as my own, would you care?”

“Care? Source, I would love being able to care for a colt! Sure, it may not be a colt I would be giving birth to, but Button would make for a lovely son for you… I think. I would also have to meet him.”

“I know what I’m doing tomorrow at least,” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I’m gonna go to Ponyville, and everyday throughout the week and actually hold more tutoring sessions with those foals. Not gonna lie, they probably will need some guidance anyways while they learn their first spell, and it’ll give me a chance to get to know Button a lot more. If I like him enough by the end of the week, I am going to adopt him. He’s a good kid and doesn’t deserve to be stuck in an orphanage for most of his childhood. That could fuck him up mentally, it probably does…”

“You could go tomorrow, and I will accompany you on Friday; I would love to meet your students anyways, and perhaps I can see how you teach? If you’ve managed to get them to get that first little spark… you are clearly doing something right.”

“Alright then. However, I wanna go take a nap. I used DragonFire several times in the last two days for somewhat long distances. I moderated how fast I went, but a trip to and from Ponyville, along with using magic a fair amount in between just makes me a little drowsy. Especially after Rainbow asked me to go at my top speed with DragonFire and race her. I was faster, but then I faceplanted and fell asleep as soon as the race was over; too much speed with that spell can fuck you up, lemme tell you. Best sleep I’ve had in a while, though.”

“No hornaches?”

“No, surprisingly not. I have been testing something with Python Script. Now, instead of it just making my horn ache, it just makes me sleep if I use my horn too much. Since I’ve made it so instead of just using my horn muscles, it uses other other muscles in the body. So it takes more energy, but I have more magic reserves and literal muscle to put into every spell. Granted, I shouldn’t do it if I’m fighting anypony since it can make my nerves seize up, it’s an alpha-level concept after all. Anyways, I am tired… Can we just snuggle? Like actually snuggling for the night, not having sex. I’m a bit too tired for that.”

“I can make do with being a pillow for my little Cody.”

“God, you found out what Pinkie uses as a nickname for me?”

“She sent me a letter! I was struggling with a nickname for you, and now I have one! Ohoho! You’ve had so many nicknames for me that it made me a little upset that you chose a name that you can’t easily make nicknames off of.”

“You could call me Steve. It’s a fun thing from something made with Java. I’d probably end up responding to it, or not. I dunno; you’d have to whack me in the head if I don’t.”

“Why ‘Steve’ though? What fun thing?”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. Just know it was hella fun back when I was twelve.”

“...Curse you for not telling me more about human stuff when I ask!”

“I’ll tell you when I feel like it. And I feel like cuddling with you instead. That’s way more fun.”

“Fine. I suppose I will have to…” Celly gave a fake sob. “Put up with cuddles for now.”

“...You love cuddling anyways.”

“Dammit. That used to work-”

“Then you did too much. Don’t you dare use the look on me right now.”

“I was only considering it!” She then did it, and I ended up telling her about that fun thing where Steve originated from….

“Source, that sounds like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I woke up the next day and started making my way towards the train station. While I wanted to just use DragonFire to just fly to Ponyville, I knew I shouldn’t. For starters, I was still recovering from magic physically draining me. I also just wanted to take today nice and slow. At first, I had every reason to be early, but I didn’t technically have to be in Ponyville today. I just wanted to go and check in on my students, and that was after class. Plus I can go ahead and tell Twi and her friends to stop trying to get in my pants.

Well, mostly Rarity. The others were perfectly okay with keeping things platonic; pony piles are natural occurrences and usually just signs of affection, not love. I know Twilight might have a thing for me, but it could just be her trying to be a lot nicer after being a bit of a bitch.

“Howdy!” I waved to a random passerby in the street as I walked. I was in an unusually good mood. That probably meant something bad was going to happen today, but that’s fine.

I hopped and skipped onto the train after getting my ticket and pulled out a book from a saddlebag. Did I read a lot? No, but I have been reading a fair amount more now that I don’t have anything to distract me. I relaxed a little bit as soon as I heard the train whistle. I knew I was going to spend some time with Luna, but she’s a bit nocturnal, as she’s been picking up her old sleep schedule again after learning about how to rule a little more modernly from Celestia. I almost didn’t notice something hitting me in the back of the head.

“Wuh?” I slowly turned around to see an angry looking griffin. “Can I help you?”

“What the? That was supposed to knock you out!”

“Why are you trying to knock me out?” Now is a good time to mention I have been putting defense enchants on myself whenever I leave the castle on hoof. Stuff like durability, and stuff to teleport me back to my bed if anything were to actually knock me out. They only last a day, but they cost so little to cast that I don’t really mind using the enchants to keep me from getting hurt. Anything to get home to Celly at the end of the day.

“I-I… Uh…” The griffin growled. “Screw it!” Everypony in the train car started running when he pulled out a crossbow. It looked really fancy, though worn out. “Somebody in Griffonia wants you, and you’re coming with me, or else.” I shrugged and turned back to my book. “Are you even listening? Are you deaf? I’m trying to kidnap you and I am threatening you!” My horn lit and his crossbow was cleanly dismantled. I then grabbed the bolt before it fell and pointed it at the griffin’s head.

“Man, you chose the wrong guy to kidnap. I’ve got guards watching my ass like hawks, and I can kick your ass or leave you as a skidmark. I didn’t do anything wrong other than live and love somepony. Now kindly piss off before my guards come in and body check you. Better yet, leave before I break your wings and chuck you under the fucking train. You’ve got children right?”

“...Of course I do-”

“And you apparently know who the heck I am. So go home, be a family man. Or go home to your kids in pieces. Your choice. Because… I ain’t a pony, mentally at least, and if you cross me again and don’t get outta my face, I am going to ensure that you will not see the end of the day. I’m in a good mood though, and scored a job as a teacher of sorts, which is really fun. If I weren’t in a good mood, I would've killed you for clubbing me over the back of the head with the butt of your crossbow.”

The griffin pulled out a knife, seeing as he probably didn’t learn his lesson. Solar Strike and three other guards piled on him trampled him, and had him binded up and knocked out the moment the knife was out. “Are you alright, Sir?” My guard asked.

“Man, drop the ‘sir’ shit with me, Solar. You and I know I don’t demand any respect from you guards.”

“It’s just protocol, sir. You’re Celestia’s consort even if you aren’t taking many of the duties of being a high prince, you are a high prince.”

“And as your high prince,” the griffin got dragged into the last train car, or where my guards were supposed to be bunking. “I say my guards take a chill pill and relax. Feel free to joke around with me, sit down, but still be vigilant if you think somebody else is gonna kidnap me. Solar you’re one of my bros, sit down and take a load off. Once the griffin’s in a cage, of course. The rest of your guys can come and sit with me and hangout too if they wanna.”

“...Captain Armor is going to yell at me-”

“And he isn’t your current commanding officer by technicality, is he?”

“Right now, you are, sir.”

“Then you aren’t gonna get in trouble. If Shiny’s got an issue with how I run my squad, he can take it up with me. Go do your job, then get that stick outta your arse, mate.”

“Yes sir!”

“You’re trying to take the piss outta me,” I said, lightly glaring at Solar. “I like it. Keep doing what you do, bro.”

‘Yes bro sir!” That… Oh my god. I think I’m gonna kick Solar in the balls for that.

Fortunately for Solar Strike, he did not get kicked in the balls for calling me a ‘bro sir’. Fortunately for me, we all made it to Ponyville without any more issues. I notified Celestia about the bird that tried to kidnap me and she sent me a letter describing how proud she was of me for handling the situation so well, and that she was going to beat the ever living crap out of whoever sent the grif, since he was clearly doing a pay job, after me. So Celly’s going to be really sexy(angry) for a while.

Listen, Celly is very pretty, but there is something almost breathtaking about seeing her get angry… When it’s not directed at me. It very rarely is directed at me though. Usually she just gets disappointed in me and that makes me want to go sit in the corner for being a bad boy.

We got off the train, the guards went to check to get hotel rooms for them all, a few others went to shove the griffin in a jail cell… Then Celestia popped in out of nowhere, kissed me, and took the griffin to Canterlot to prosecute him for attempting to kidnap a public official. Meanwhile, I started making my way over to Cheerilee’s school house… I actually didn’t walk, I used Levitate on my hooves and started running in the sky. Ponies all glanced up at me, before doing a double take. Some foals who weren’t in school pointed up at me while telling their mothers or fathers(or both) about the pony running through the sky.

I quickly landed at the schoolhouse, getting looks from every single foal since it was recess. I could see Button off in his own little corner actually doing a Light Spell. I know who’s getting ice cream on friday. Hey, actually, Sweetie Belle and Dinky were with him and they were also doing light spells. The rest of the crusaders were hanging out with them, mostly with Sweetie, but it looked like they were trying to indoctrinate little Button into their group at Sweetie’s request.

Hmm… I bet Sweetie has a crush on Button still. That would be adorable to tease them about.

“Hey Mr. Source Code!” Two familiar little brats ran up to me. It was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Usually Diamond does the talking, Silver just nods along like an idiot and goes with what her friend does.

“Hello,” I greeted. “Can I uh… talk to you both later? I’ve got students to catch up with. They’re making really, really good progress-”

“But they’re a bunch of blank flanks. They won’t amount to anything!” Silver actually said something on her own accord. “Especially at this rate if they still don’t have their cutie marks!”

“Actually,” I said. “I say blank flanks are pretty cool. Sure, not having their cutie mark at this point in their life may seem like they’re useless, but I say it’s an opportunity. They can find out what they wanna be when they’re more mature and have the knowledge to play off of their talents for either a good career, or even just a fun hobby. You don’t need something to say you’re good at something to prove your worth, after all.”

“That is…” Diamond hummed. She and her little friend were a bit lost for words. “I- uh… why not just hang out with us?”

“You just wanna see Celly so you can look at her flanks. Granted, they are flanks straight from the heavens, literally from the heavens, and that’s far as your interests in me go. You don’t want any life advice or whatever.” I stepped around the now thoroughly broken fillies that heard me call Celestia’s ass nice, because it is, and sauntered on over to my students. “Howdy kiddos!” I laid down and was immediately hounded by five happy foals.

“We thought you were coming back on Friday?”

“I figured being able to tutor you guys everyday on your first week of learning magic would be more helpful… Though look,” I pretended to look hurt. “I’m a bit useless, aren’t I?” I asked.

“What!?” They chorused.

“When I walked up, all three of you were casting Light spells! And they looked good too!”

“We were just using that textbook you gave to Button,” Dinky said. “Did we do something wrong?”

“Like hell you did. I wanted to be the one who taught you that, not the book that I explicitly gave one of you, or the equations and Runes for!’ I chuckled and waved my hoof. “I’m just pulling your legs. I’m proud, Dinky. It took me longer to figure out how to cast Light. How many Runes did you take, guys?”

“Two,” they all said.

“It’s surprisingly easy!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. My god, I love those little squeaks.

“Good, you’re using Python’s Runes. That’s why those Lights look so damn good. How’re you guys liking Python?”

“Rarity said my Light looked like hers when she was twice my age,” Sweetie said. “And I was using less magic!”

“Hmm. So y’all are loving it?” They all nodded. “Do note that when you’re older, you may not be able to fully use Python if you’re genuinely really strong with magic. So I will give you guys crash courses in the other systems so you have an idea of how to do them when you all eventually outgrow my teachings.” I ruffled Sweetie’s mane. “Damn good job on spell casting, kids. As promised, on Friday, we’re all gonna go get ice cream. And y’all will get to meet Celly. I might ask her to bring down one of the instruments-”

“She can play an instrument?” Button asked.

“No, an instrument has many different meanings. A magical instrument is what’s used to gauge how strong a unicorn is. I’m gonna test how strong each of you guys are each week and determine when to shift your focus off of Python; you may end up being better with a hybrid of Python and regular Runes, or even just a completely different spell system.”

“Oh… I hope I score high,” he mused. “Though if not, Python does seem to work really well…”

“If you do, you could travel from here all the way to bucking Prance with DragonFire. I can travel pretty far and I’ve got some weak magic reserves.”

“That would be so awesome!” Button squealed. “Oh, I can’t wait!”

“So after school, you guys want to learn some, or I can watch y’all practice?”

“Can you help us get our cutie marks?” Scootaloo asked. “We just invited Button and Dinky, since they don’t get their marks yet and you’re our favorite teacher?”

“Pfft.” I chuckled. “C’mon, I’m not cooler than Cheerilee is, am I?”

“You are pretty cool,” Scootaloo hummed. “But Cheerilee is super nice…”

“I’m your favorite tutor and Cheerilee is your favorite teacher.”

“But you taught us how to use magic.”

“No, I gave you the means to learn how to use magic on your own. I’m just helping y’all along the way if you misstep somewhere.”

“...Oh. You’re still a teacher to me,” Scootaloo nodded. “And you’re cool because you don’t give me homework.”

“Mmm, I might. You aren’t even my student and I might. What if in between me helping these guys learn magic, I help you and Apple Bloom with stuff. I could teach y’all something cool, some cool new trick, or just help y’all with your homework? Does that sound good?”

“That would help. Multiplication still gives me troubles,” Bloom nodded. “And Ah get to work with my adopted uncle!”

“Surrogate? Adopted means I’m legally related to you, Bloom. Surrogate means it’s unofficial.”

“Ah guess you’re my surreal gate uncle.” I chuckled at that and nuzzled her. Fucking christ, these kids are so cute. It’s almost downright heartwarming how quickly they all started liking me after I helped them with magic, save the crusaders since they already knew me. Though Sweetie is nuzzling me a lot more than usual and actually sharing the side of my stomach with Button. Oh god, don’t tell me I have to adopt her too. I mean, I will, how could I not, but I don’t wanna do that to her actual parents!

I was teaching my students how to throw things by playing with a frisbee. “Aight,” I said, gesturing to Apple Bloom. “I want you guys to match her throws.” Apple Bloom threw the disc and it went zooming. “She’s an earth pony so she is physically stronger than we are, but we’ve got magic. If you can match her strength with your magic, then that’s good. If not, it’s not a big deal. Just do your best for today; and most importantly have fun.” We were supposed to throw it in a way that it came back to us. Apple Bloom was a natural at it. It came back and she caught it with her teeth…

If a human tried that, they would lose all their teeth.

Twilight had tagged along after realizing I was in town again, to mostly hangout, and to see how I would teach a foal to throw something with their levitation.

“How do we throw stuff anyways?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Twilight opened her mouth. “Y’all obviously know how to Levitate stuff now,” so I grabbed the disc. “See hold my aura is only grabbing a bit of the disk?” They all nodded. “Hold just enough of it with your magic to the point where you can still move the object,” Twilight’s mouth stayed open. I did as such. “Then with a flick of the magic,” I tossed the thing further than Apple Bloom did, it zoomed off into the distance. “Any-” it came back full force and hit me in the forehead. “FUCK!” I started holding my nose while everypony started looking me over.

“Oh thank god for enchantments or my nose would be broken right now,” I groaned. My voice was very nasally right now.

“Are you alright, Mr. Code?” Button was the first to ask. “That looked like it hurt.”

“It did, but not as much as it would’ve if I didn’t have a few ‘buffs’ running. Some griffin tried foalnapping me earlier. Tried clubbing me over the head with his crossbow and everything… Ah, learn enchantments kiddo, they come in handy. Stopped me from getting kidnapped and kept me from having to go to the hospital.” I picked the disk up and held it for him. “Wanna have a go and toss the frisbee?” Button was still checking if my nose was fine… Hah. “I'm fine, kiddo. Just go have fun with your friends.” He nodded before going off. I ended up sitting and watching while Twilight loafed down next to me.

“That… I was gonna tell them how to throw something. I was just gonna say give it a flick and then let go of the frisbee. Your method for throwing objects…”

“It’s different, but something I’ve been working on. I did some testing and it turns out that doing it the way everypony else does is a waste of magic.” Button actually almost matched my throw on the first try. “Good job, Button!” I chuckled as it came back around and he actually caught it with his magic. He winced slightly. “Ah, don’t catch fast moving objects with your magic kid, it’ll hurt like a bitch!”

“I can tell!” Button groaned. “Hornaches are the worst!” I chuckled at that.

“But anyways, you don’t lose any control when doing my method, and in fact, it’s probably better. It was easier for me to direct where to throw an object with my method. It was… like throwing something with a hand, which was why I did it the way I did at first. Then it turned out to genuinely be really good and better since it used just a little less magic. Optimize every little bit of magic, Twi, that’s my goal.” Sweetie Belle and Dinky gave good throws. Both were nowhere near as good as Button’s, but that was whatever. They seemed to mostly care about having fun once they figured it out the first time. Scootaloo, surprisingly, patiently waited for all the unicorns to go so that they could figure out throwing objects. She had the best throw yet, actually reaching mine.

“I’m just surprised. You’re not a bad teacher even if you don’t actually have any teaching experience. From Light spells, to teaching them to throw… you’re teaching them runes.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna have them try to Rune out the nightmare that is WME’s version of Levitation to see how accurate they are with Runes.”

“...Why? Are you a sadist?”

“I just wanna know. It’s a good test. If they’re precise, they can keep learning Python no problem, since that’s the one thing both systems share; an exact level of precision. I won’t test grade them on it, I ain’t grading shit, but it’s something to test them with every now and then.”

“Why wouldn’t you grade them on performance? It may not mean much but-”

“Grading systems are shit, Twilight. Inherently shit. Especially the letter system. What? Do I give Sweetie Belle an F because she could only get three Runes into WME’s spell system? No, that’s stupid. Grades end up being something a student will shoot for, most of the time, instead of actually learning anything new. I just focus on making the lessons fun and insightful, and very, very easy to understand. So far, it’s working out. Taught the kids how to throw shit in the most fun way possible. Next, I’m gonna take’em camping and get them to use Fire, since that’s Button’s main goal; learning DragonFire. Learning Fire is a crucial step in the right direction.”

“Source… That-”

“I’m teaching them the practical uses for magic. My main complaint about my education was the lack of anything practical. If it seems like it would be useful in day-to-day life, it’s more likely to actually stick. So practical uses, and then some extra shit if they wanna learn it. Once I have more textbooks printed, they’ll have everything they’ll need to learn any spell they want in Python… Assuming it exists.”

“Huh… I never thought of that.”

“Education was a huge deal, and people were talking of ways of improving it even if the people actually in charge didn’t have a reason to. I picked up a thing or two about teaching since… my old hobby involved teaching people how to ‘play’ the things I coded.”

Twilight smiled. “Is this like your old hobby?”

“Teaching? No. It’s fun. I’m glad I’m able to start making my mark on the world, even if it’s my magical system making the mark instead of just me. It feels good. And I get to spend some time with cute foals; who am I to complain about that?”

Button trotted up to me, clearly worn out; the foals started playing tag after they got bored of the frisbee before laying right between my forelegs. Flopped right on his side, resting his head on my foreleg. Internally I was screaming. My god, that is the cutest thing ever, and my entire emotional state now lies in Button clearly holding some form of affection for me. “Oh my fucking god,” I whispered. This here, this is the greatest moment of my life. I am so, so… down to just lay here and take a nap actually. A nap never hurts.

Twilight looked at me and Button snuggling together and I swore her heart actually melted. “Okay, that is kinda cute.”

“We’re stallions,” Button mumbled, he was definitely half asleep. “We look cool, not cute.” and… out like a light. I nuzzled him and laid my head.

“I can take being cute. Celly says I am,” I chuckled. “Finna take a nap. If the kids need help heading home, wake me up, ‘kay Twi?”

Twilight nodded before sitting back and watching the rest of the foals, one by one, got done playing and coming over to join Source and Button to nap. The stallion was clearly the main attraction, with Sweetie Belle snuggling up to Button too, and resting her head on the same leg that Button had. Apple Bloom was laying across the side of Source’s belly, Scootaloo was using his back as a pillow while sprawled out on her back, and Dinky managed to get on top of his head without waking the stallion up, before resting her own head right between his ears. Source’s tail soon curled up, on its own, and laid across Apple Bloom.

“Hmph.” Twilight sighed. “Dangit, now I want to take a nap…” She sighed. “Maybe just an hour; no way Source would wake up before an hour passes.” She laid down in front of Source so she would know that they would be facing, should either of them wake up, each other. While she wanted to join in on the adorable scene of Source being used as a bed by five foals, there was no room for her to join in, unless he used his butt as a pillow. And that would be a little weird.

Twilight ended up sleeping longer than Source or any of the foals… Save Button. Button was all too comfy with just sleeping in an empty field with him.

I lifted my head drowsily, Twilight and the rest of the kids were long gone. I woke up earlier to see the crusaders heading home for the day, and Dinky being carried off by her mother. I looked down to hear some teeth clacking together; Button just let out a jaw splitting yawn. He rolled over onto his belly and blinked a few times. The sun was setting in the distance and it looked like Button was ready to head home for the day too.

“Need me to walk you home, kid?” I asked.

“I…” Button sighed. “I kind of don’t want to go home.”

I decided to pretend to be naive to this kid’s situation. “Rough home life?”

“No… I just… home doesn’t really feel like home, y’know?”

I paused. I really don’t know how to go about this. “Uh… Do you mind sleeping in a library?” I asked. “Because Twilight is forcing me to stay at her place again for the week. So wanna just stay with me? We’ll ask your parents first, though.”

“...Okay.”

The two of us ended up walking to the orphanage and I was immediately greeted by an old mare. “What are you doing with Button?”

“I’m his teacher, I was teaching Button how to use his magic, and we lost track of time… We ended up taking a nap in the field I was teaching him. So here he is. Button here was hoping to spend the night at my place so that I can help him with his homework.”

“Button, is this true?” The mare asked.

“Yes, Mrs. Care. I asked Mr. Code if I could stay where he’s staying tonight.”

“...Okay. You best know how to care for him,” Mrs. Care said in a semi harsh tone.

“I will.”

Not too long after that, we were sitting outside of a Hayburger, since I skipped lunch and it was nearing Button’s dinner time. “I’ve never had this before,” Button said, poking at his burger.

“It’s pretty tasty,” I said. “Do you not like hayburgers?” I asked, looking up from my food.

“It’s just… weird. Mrs. Care usually cooks for everypony…” Button paused. “Is Mrs. Cure your mother?” I asked.

“She isn’t. She’s… I live in an orphanage, Mr. Code. I think you’ve noticed that already.”

“...Okay, yeah, I did. I do have some news for ya, though.” Button gave me an inquisitive look after sticking a hay fry in his mouth. It hung out of his mouth while he gave me a cute little head tilt. “If Celly says yes, and if you’re up for it, I might end up adopting you. Of course, we’re taking it slow right now. I gotta make sure you’re a good fit for me, and that I would be a good parent for you. Of course, I will only do so if you’re up for it. Take your time with getting to know me, and I’ll take my time getting to know you, alright?”

“I hope you end up adopting me,” Button said. “You’re kinda nice.”

“I do my best to be a decent person. You’re a good kid, Button.”

“Why do you keep saying ‘kid’? I’m not a goat.”

“God dammit, Button…” I chuckled. “Ah, I’ll tell you why if I end up adopting you. Since if I do adopt you, you’re going to learn what the heck you’re dealing with. I will tell you just what I am before that though. I don’t want you to think you’re getting somepony that’s a pony in the head. Because I’m certainly not a pony in the head.”

“But… you look like a pony.”

“I am physically a pony. Mentally, I am something else.”

“I’ll be fine with it if the ‘something’ else is nice to me. Way nicer than my parents were to me.” He took a bite of his burger and his eyes widened.

“I take it that you like that?” He quickly nodded. I chuckled. “C’mon, let’s eat up. We gotta get to Twilight’s place before she ends up hunting me down. We wouldn’t want that; she’s a bit scary when she’s a bit angry.” Despite that, we took our time eating our dinner and happily chatting away with each other on the bench we had taken over so that we could eat our food. No, Twilight was not excited about how late we were when it came to returning to the library.

She was surprised to see Button there, or to find us the next morning, snuggled together while Button tried his best to make me let him have five more minutes of sleep. It didn’t work, but his attempts were commendable.

The Cutest Little Colt Becomes the Cutest Little Prince

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Button and I had woken up pretty early in the morning, or rather, I did. Unlike in America, foals had to be at school at around ten in the morning. That was a far more reasonable time than seven in the morning. It was early enough for the foals to still not enjoy going to school, but they could get a normal amount of sleep if they stayed up late. Button was still sleeping, and I was still a little drowsy, so I… what the fuck is my body doing? My tongue, on its own accord, was licking Button. My body was grooming a foal on its own. And… I was fine with this.

The taste of Button’s fur was a lot like his scent, so he didn’t really taste like anything in particular. Surprisingly, the feeling of fur inside my mouth wasn’t that weird. Button pretty quickly started waking up at my constant grooming, before he rolled over, and I started grooming his belly. Soon, I was grooming Button’s mane and holding him with my hooves.

“Mmm.” He stretched his legs. “Mr. Code?”

“Just call me Source, or Code, whichever you prefer, kiddo,” I said, before resuming my grooming of him.

“Why are you… grooming me?”

“I dunno. I woke up, then started doing it without thinking. I’m a little surprised about it. Want me to stop? If so, I can make us breakfast pretty quickly.”

“This…” Button nuzzled me. “This feels really nice. Though isn’t that something mares do to their foals?”

“Heck if I know, I’m not a mare and I’ve never had foals. This is kinda fun though,” I rested my head over Button’s tiny little body. This is fun. “I don’t think Spike or Twilight are awake yet, since Twilight’s a bit of a night owl and Spike is a heavy, late riser. Wanna help me make breakfast for them? It’ll be a chance to work on your multitasking.”

“Okay… Can we just sleep for five more minutes though?”

“Sometimes I wish I could, kid, I wish I could. Sometimes it’s best to get up and embrace the day and then promptly tell it to fuck off after an hour.”

“Oh… So no five more minutes?”

“Would you rather have your five more minutes on the couch while I make us breakfast?”

“That would be nice…”

“Alright, c’mon,” I laid Button on my back, which he was the perfect size for, and started gently walking down the stairs. He fell asleep, with his lower jaw laying right in between my ears. I ended up sitting in the center of the kitchen and cooking everything exclusively with my magic so that I wouldn’t accidentally wake him up. I felt a bit like a sinner, moving food around with my magic instead of my hooves. Soon, Spike and Twilight came downstairs, and Spike stopped in shock. “Howdy guys,” I whispered. “Keep it a little quiet, Buttons’ still sleeping.”

“Source,” Twilight whispered. “That,” she pointed at the sleeping colt on my back. “That is adorable. Are you certain he isn’t already your foal?”

“Not yet, but I’m liking Button so far. He’s a sweet little thing, and so far…” I chuckled. “I dunno. It feels nice to be taking care of him. It… I hope this works out. It…” I chuckled. “You and Spike know my case, right?”

“Yeah… from another world?” Spike and Twilight said at the same time.

“Yeah… and while Apple Jack’s family basically thinks of me as family, and that I’m going to be marrying Celly sometime next year… If I get to adopt Button, then I would be so darn happy. I can have somepony, neigh, somebody to that would genuinely be family in this world. It… would be something I also never thought I’d get to have; my own son.” I rubbed the back of my head after quickly setting the table and plating all of our meals. It wasn’t much, it was just tofu bacon, eggs, and pancakes. “Uh… I shoulda asked before making breakfast, shouldn’t I?”

“No, it’s cool,” Spike waved a dismissive hand. “I was about to come down and make breakfast anyways and you made breakfast for me and Twilight…. And I think Twilight would’ve said that while you’re living under this roof, what’s hers is yours as well.”

“That… Hah. There once was a girl in a simpler time with night-like hair and skin so white. Wherever she went, everyone she’d tell ‘what appears as mine is ‘thine as well.” I chuckled. “Ah… Shit. Twilight, you don’t have to do that. I was hoping to pay you back for letting me stay by making you breakfast. Hope you don’t mind me making breaky for Button?” Twilight took the time to notice that I only made three meals.

“Source, why didn’t you make yourself anything?”

“I don’t eat breakfast often. Sometimes, I eat it if Celly makes pancakes, but that’s it. I just wanted to make sure Button had something to eat, Twi. I can wait for lunch.”

“...Alright, but don’t feel bad about taking my food, Source. Everypony’s gotta eat, after all.” Button soon woke up and I deposited him in his chair. Twilight cut a bit of pancake before popping it in her mouth.

“Oh, this is good!” Spike said with his mouth full. “I didn’t know you could cook, Source!” He stuffed another bit of pancake in his mouth.

“I have some experience. I mixed a bit of syrup into the batter. It’s… what restaurants back home did for some breakfast…” I chuckled. “Ah fuck, I could kill for a cheap, greasy breakfast sandwich from a fast food place.” Button looked at me a bit inquisitively. “Button, I’m gonna be dead honest, I ain’t a pony in the head. I was once a human, which is a type of creature that straight up doesn’t exist in this world. I…” I hummed. “You heard of the pony found in a crater after a magical accident?”

“Yeah. He was hurt real bad apparently,” Button didn’t take long to put two and two together. “You’re that pony?”

“Eeyup. Dunno why I’m here, dunno how. I went to sleep one night, woke up in a hospital bed to a horse in a nurse outfit. Ran right into a wall and then called the first pony I actually got to talk to… ‘Sun Butt’. Anyways! That’s how I came into Equestria and met your possibly adopted mother.” I chuckled. Nopony got my reference. Nopony ever gets my references.

Button hummed. “...I believe you, I guess. You do act a bit weird. Weren’t you that pony running after Nightmare Moon and threatening to ‘neuter her?” I nodded. “What does that mean?” Even Spike looked a little curious, while Twilight was just looking at me and shaking her head. I wasn't going to answer that even with her opinion on the matter.

“...Something horrible. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“Fine… But I’m going to hold you to that, Source.” Button then took a bite of his pancake and his eyes widened. I smiled with a bit of pride at my somehow not butchered pancakes. There was a similar reaction to the bacon and eggs that made me smile. Apparently ponies were only used to sunny side up eggs, not scrambled, not over easy, none of that. So an omelet with onions and tomatoes mixed in grabbed their attention pretty quickly.

“Source, you’re replacing Spike on breakfast duty whenever you’re in town.” I chuckled, now realizing the mistake I’ll make when I bring potatoes to turn into french fries later. I won’t be allowed to leave once Twilight and Spike get addicted to my cooking. Button was definitely addicted since he got done in a heartbeat after he sampled everything and was licking the plate… I slowly got up, but got forced to sit down again when Twilight planted a kiss on my cheek.

It was just a thank you gesture, luckily. Hopefully. I really hope so.

Button and I trotted on into the school building. Cheerilee was a bit surprised to find that I was in Ponyville again, but didn’t question it. Most of the students were happy to see me as well, for some reason, even though I didn’t do anything the last time I was here. I played with a phoenix in the front of class and chimed in here and there, and didn’t really speak. Today, however, I want to be a bit more proactive. Whenever Cheerilee was giving a lesson, I’d remain quiet, but then came the paperwork and all of that fun stuff, I would go around the room and help foals out as best as I could without giving them the answer.

Snips and Snails brushed off any attempt I had with helping them, but they seemed to worry more about looking cool than intelligent. When I got around to Diamond Tiara, she hogged me at her desk for a solid ten minutes, asking how to solve each problem. “What is two times ten?” She asked. This was the tenth time she did this. I know she's doing it for attention, or whatever, since most foals just asked a question like which order to do double didgits, and let me go on my way to the next foal. I was starting to get a little annoyed, since I saw a foal raise his hoof up for some help, but here I was, helping Diamond Tiara, who's acting like she's an idiot.

I've seen her do math on her own, she's not even stupid.

“Add ten twice,” I said. “That’s your answer.”

“Just tell me the answer! C’mon!” She pounded her hoof on the desk. "How are you useful as a teacher if you don't just give me the answer? Instead, you tell me to do more stupid math!"

“I wouldn’t be helping to teach you anything if I just did everything for ya. Multiplication is just taking the first number and adding it to itself a certain number of times. Usually that number of times is determined by the first. My method takes longer, but it's easier. Your question's ten times two, so add ten to ten twice. There's your answer.” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes at least seventeen times throughout that. What a brat.

“Oh! Mr. Code, can you tell me what nine times three is?” SIlver Spoon asked.

I didn't even look away from Diamond Tiara's worksheet. “Add nine three times,” I said while internally shaking my head. These two fillies… I think they just like having the attention of Celestia’s stupid plaything. “And your next problem, just add six four times.” SIlver and Diamond looked shocked at that. “Everypony here has the same worksheet, I know which one that is. It’s the fourth one from the start; you’re going to be on the second row with the question I just told you how to do.” I walked over to the colt that needed some help, told him how to do a problem. Several foals later, I made my way to Scootaloo’s desk. She was actually the furthest behind, but I could tell that she was trying to do everything the right way. Even... if she was seemingly doing all the math in her head. She wasn't showing her work.

“Hey, you got everything right, kid. You’ll do Rainbow proud. I would show how I'm getting those answers, if I were you, but still got everything right."

Scootaloo nodded, before going back to write how she got her answers... Only to look up at me and give me a head tilt that had no right being as cute as it was. “But… That means I’m an egghead. Especially if I show how I got the answers I'm getting!”

“So? Rainbow would be proud of ya for doing well in school. Plus, if you’re smart, you can go far in life. Or just be able to come up with more ideas on how to get your cutie mark.”

“...Can I get a cutie mark for being super smart?” Scootaloo asked, looking hopeful.

“Maybe. Though, I think scootering around might be more your thing. You’re pretty good with the scooter.” Scootaloo hummed. “Good work, kid.” I patted her on the back. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were similar cases, though there were further ahead on their worksheets than Scootaloo was, they got most, if not all of their questions right after I helped them out with their multiplication and division or telling them my full proof plan for solving both. I walked up to Button’s desk after helping the next six foals, and nuzzled him. ‘Howdy kid,” I looked over his work and nodded. “Lookin’ good, Button!”

“I got them all?” He looked up, dropping his pen after losing focus on his levitation... Hey, something to help him out with later!

“Yea, and you’re showin’ how you got your answers. I know Cheerilee will appreciate that. It’ll help show her your thought process and how to help you through more math in the future.” I hummed. “Writing with your horn?”

“Yeah. It helps me get better at controlling my Levitation. It said so in your textbook, even Dinky and Sweetie Belle are doing it.”

I looked at both of the aforementioned fillies. “Huh. How did I not notice that?”

“You don’t have eyes?” Button asked. I immediately casted an illusion that made it seem like my eyes didn’t have pupils.

“Yeah, I guess I’m blind now. That’s a shame,” I uncasted the illusion and re-casted it so I just had Nightmare Moon eyes. “I suppose I’ll… have to torture you for taking my eyes.” Button blinked at that, before I ruffled his mane. “Nah, I ain’t gonna hurt ya. I’ll just tickle the hell out of you.” His ears shot up while he looked at me with fear in his eyes. I am going to blow raspberries into his stomach for hours. That had me chuckling as I walked back up to Cheerilee’s desk and sat down next to her while she graded the work from yesterday.

“Mr. Code!” Diamond Tiara sings. “I need help with this division problem!” I teleported over and told her how to do it, before teleporting around the back to where Button was sitting. Soon, I had a colt, who was bored because he got all his work done, laying on the side of my belly. I started using Eye Spy spells to start seeing how foals were doing, until…

“Mr. Code, why are you cuddling with that orphan? Cuddling Isn't a very stallion thing to do. Plus it's an orphan you're cuddling with.” Diamond Tiara pointed out. Now everypony was staring at us. Button looked a little downtrodden by that comment. “And wouldn’t Button’s parents be doing that if he had any parents that actually loved him? Then you wouldn't have to snuggle with that stupid foal.” My mouth was open to respond until she said that. I blinked a couple more times, and noted that… Button had tried hiding himself under my foreleg. That made me smile a little before I looked up.

“Diamond Tiara, that is just screwed up. You can make fun of me for being a cuddlebug, I can take being bullied, but doing what you just did? That’s screwed up. Don't poke fun at kids in shitty situations.” I nuzzled Button. “How do you know if he has nopony to love him, hmm? Who’s to say I’m not planning on adopting him the moment Princess Celestia says yes?”

Button unburied his head for moment. “I thought…”

“Hey, you’re a good kid. Say the word, and I’ll sign those papers faster than you can say ‘I’.”

“Why are you even adopting that blank flank?” Silver Spoon asked. “He’s a loser and an orphan!” Cheerilee seemed a little distracted by her work, but I could tell that she was listening. Button seemed content with hiding his face from the world again. I could see the Crusaders and Dinky getting pissed in the corners of my eyes; they were probably going to yell at Diamond Tiara for that if I weren't already talking.

“Man, fuck if I care if he has cutie mark, or not, of if he were a griffin chick or a manticore calf.” I looked under my leg pit to find Button’s little nose sticking out from under it. “You good, kid? Wanna go take a breath of fresh air?”

“I’m good, sir.”

“No you aren’t, Button. I can feel you crying into my leg.”

“Sorry!”

“Sorry, nothin’. Hey Ms. Cheerilee, me and Button are gonna go step outside for a moment. He’s got all of his work done anyways. We’ll come back inside in a moment.”

Ms. Cheerilee nodded before glaring at Diamond Tiara and SIlver Spoon. They had the grace to look guilty at least. “Go ahead, Source. I am going to have a few words with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon while you do that.”

“You alright, kid?” I asked, sitting Button on a swing in the playground. He found the ground more interesting than my face. He was glaring at it with the most sad look I’ve seen on Button since I’ve met him. That’s a look that shouldn’t belong on a kid's face, or a foal’s, or anyone as young as him.

“Diamond Tiara’s right,” Button muttered. “My parents didn’t love me enough to keep me after I was born. What makes me think you’ll love me?” He almost growled.

“Kid,” I said sternly. “If I didn’t like ya, I wouldn’t be trying to see if I can adopt you or not. Want me to call Celestia down here and see if we can’t expedite the adoption? Celestia was hoping to be able to have a little colt she can dote on. It is a thing she loves doing, after all. Luna would be more than excited to have a nephew.”

“But…”

“Button,” that got him to finally look at me. “I love you, kid. Whether I wanna deny it or not, you are the closest thing to a son that I’ve had so far. And while, again, I wanna wait until you make your choice, I’ll root for ya kid. Whether you wanna get adopted by me, or somepony else, I will root for you. I will still be here.” I pat him on the shoulder. “Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are dumbasses if they think making fun of somepony with potential is a good idea. I can see why they are, too.” I kept staring the kid in the eyes. “They’re scared, kid. They’re scared that you’ll have a cooler talent and destiny than they do. Hell, I’m jealous. You could have a cutie mark in magic, mine’s a bunch of ones and zeroes, something that’s honestly kinda boring. You could be anything you want, you can do whatever you want. I just hope I can call you my son by the end of the week, Button.”

“Would you adopt me if I said I want you to?” Button asked, giving me a small little head tilt. I simply nodded. “Like… right now?” I nodded again. “And…”

“I would be happy to adopt ya. Whenever you feel ready. And, if you end up hating me, hey, you can disown me, knock me out, and throw me off of Canterlot. Then make a cute face to Celestia and she’ll let you off the hook.” Button snickered at that.

“No way that would work on the Princess!”

“Nah, it would. I call her Sun Butt, she can’t be too happy about that.”

“But…”

“Yeah, I’m her coltfriend. I get on her nerves a lot, so if you killed me, she’d be fine with it.”

“But I don’t wanna kill you.”

“But the option is there.”

“You’re a messed up pony, Source.”

“I know.” We both chuckled. “Wanna go back to class now?”

“Not really… Can we go to the orphanage? I want you to sign something for me.”

“Alright,” I said, before patting my back. “Hop on, I’ll tell Cheerilee that you got sick and are going to die from cancer. She’ll let you go.”

“WAHT!?” Button asked.

“I’m kidding! But we gotta let her know what’s going on. Hold on,” I teleported a notebook to me, before writing something in one of its pages. I tour it out before sending it off to Celly. I had a feeling that I knew what was going to get signed. “Aight, let’s go tell Cheerilee, eh?” I trotted back inside of the schoolhouse. “Yo Cheerilee,” I said after poking my head in the door.

“Yes, Source?”

“It’s cool if I just take Button? He ain’t feeling like being in class right now. He’ll be back tomorrow, wearing a cute little crown.” Cheerilee’s eyes widened, before she nodded. Button whispered something into my ear. “Nevermnd, he’ll be back after recess; he wants to finish the school day.” Cheerilee folded up a paper airplane and threw it at my face. It bounced off my nose before it fell to the floor in the saddest way possible.

“Just go, Source!” I nodded along before walking out and down the street. It was weird, making my way to the orphanage in broad daylight. I also mostly didn’t remember the way, so Button had to re-correct some turns. He happily laid his head in between my ears, before happily humming a little tune. “So to be clear,” I said. Getting Button’s attention as I turned a corner. “I’m signing adoption papers, right?”

“...If you want to adopt me, because I want you to.”

“Then I’ll sign some adoption papers. Hope you don’t mind having one more pony also signing those?” I stopped. “This next left, right?”

“Right. Also, who’s the second pony signing them?” He asked. Ah, he doesn’t know! Darn.

“Eh, you’ll see.” We took one more left, and there the orphanage was. There, I could see Celestia walking up to the orphanage as well. She was making it look like she got a chariot ready, but I know how much of a pain in the ass it is to get one ready on such a short notice. Judging from the slight, almost unnoticeable burns around the base of her horn… she DragonFire’d here. I almost smiled with pride, knowing that that was a new transportation method that was going to be a bit more widespread amongst us unicorns… And because it gave Celestia something else to sneak out of the castle with.

“Howdy, Celly.”

“Hello, Source. I see that your plans for the week were sped up a little?”

“Oh yeah. I told Button my plans yesterday, and then the very next day he said he was ready. I guess I’m ready too.”

“You do know that taking care of a foal is no small task, correct?”

“So? It’s just feeding him, taking care of him, and making sure he turns out to be a good pony. I can do that. He may pick up a bit of a potty mouth from me, though. With my heritage, he is bound to learn what the C word is within a week of living with us.”

“...Us?” Button asked before he went silent. I could feel his breathing stop.

“Kid?”

“I’m going to be adopted by you and PRINCESS CELESTIA?” Button asked.

“Yeah. I said you would be wearing a cute little crown when you come back to school tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Wouldn’t-”

“You are taking school in Canterlot? Yes, yes you could. But… I don’t think you wanna say goodbye to Sweetie Belle or her friends right? You think Sweetie’s pretty, dontcha?”

“I-I don’t! Her laugh is nice, though. And… she does have a nice mane.” I chuckled at his backtracking. We walked inside and greeted the mare at the front counter.

“Oh, hello there- OH DEAR CELESTIA!”

“Yes, that would be me,” Celestia said with a giggle. “I was hoping to adopt a foal, me and my coltfriend have been talking about it recently, and figured we should adopt one from a small town.” The mare, to her credit, quickly shook her head and nodded.

“Which foal would you like to adopt, Princess?”

“The one resting on my coltfriend’s neck, if you would.”

“...Button’s getting adopted?” She asked.

“Yes, Mrs. Heart. Source Code said he would adopt me, and then… I forgot he was dating the Princess. He hardly brought her up in the time he’s been around me.”

“Okay… I’ll go get all the adoption papers for them both to sign. Are you sure you want to do this, Button?”

“I am.” He said firmly. “I want to finally get out of here. As nice as you’ve been to me, Mrs. Heart, I just want to be able to call somepony Mom and somepony Dad… It’ll be weird calling the Princess ‘Mom’ though.”

“And I would be delighted if you started calling me Mom,” Celestia said.

We found ourselves sitting in the sitting room. Well, actually Celestia was playing with Button while I started signing everything. I had Button sign every now and then, and Celestia would sign whenever and wherever I asked. It was actually a lot more straightforward than I thought it would be. It was only three pages of signing, but I was taking my time with reading, since it looked like Celly and Button were really enjoying themselves. I looked up from my papers to see…

Button hanging from Celestia’s muzzle while growling at her.

“I win!” Button exclaimed happily, before sliding off of his soon-to-be mother’s face.

“That you did, Button.”

“Wait… I won’t get arrested for assault, will I?”

“Why would I adopt my own son?” Celestia asked. “If I were to do that, then I would have to send myself to the Sun.”

“I don’t know… I almost forgot you were the Princess when you got me to start playing with you.”

“I won’t just be ‘the Princess’ to you, Button. Soon, I will be your mother. And, I will still be sending you to school, with Source Code as an escort, to Ms. Cheerilee’s schoolhouse. I wouldn’t want you saying goodbye to your friends, and eventually, you and Source will be able to make the journey in ten minutes top, or be here in thirty via a chariot. Once we walk you back to class, I will have to depart to make sure everything is ready for you, and to return to daycourt.”

“Oh. I’m sorry if-”

“Don’t you dare,” Celestia said sternly. “I am more than willing to put everything down for you. You are to be my foal soon, and as my foal, you may get my attention whenever you like if you deem it necessary. I am only a little old, I can easily tutor you on math or history here and there.”

“I’m done signing the papers,” I announced. Cream Heart, or Mrs. Heart, walked over. She was a really young mare, and was kinda pretty. A tan mare, an earth pony, with a baby bottle as a cutie mark. However, as pretty as Cream Heart is… I have a Celly. When you have a Celly, you don’t need much else. Cream Heart looked over the documents before nodding. “Well, it’s official, you, Source Code are officially the father of Button, and Princess Celestia, you are officially the mother of Button. Congrats!” Cream Heart walked over to Button, whispered a few things and nuzzled him, before turning to walk away.

“Goodbye Mrs. Heart!” Button waved, looking a little sad, before looking at me and Celestia with a smile. “I guess… this is a new chapter in life?”

“It is for me,” I said. “I have a son now.” Oh god. I am a dad now. Might as well wing it, like I’ve always had, and hope my son turns out well. I will actually be involved with raising him, none of that nanny shit.

“Well?” Celestia asked. “I’m certain you would like to ride on my back, Button?”

“I… Can?”

“You are my foal. You can ride on my back on the way to class.”

“...Oh dear Celestia,” he muttered. “I’m Princess Celestia’s foal,” I saw his mouth try to mutter the words. “Holy shit…” Celestia gave me a very disappointed look; she only knew of one pony who used that phrase, and it was yours truly! I smiled sheepishly, while rubbing the back of my head. “If you wouldn’t mind… Princess- Mom, Mom Princess.” Celly and I chuckled at that. Celestia lowered herself onto her belly, Button hopped on, and we started walking back to Cheerilee’s school. “Does this mean I’m a Prince now?” Button asked.

“A High Prince, I think, it’s mostly ornamental at this point, since you’re pretty young. But if you ever felt like it, we could teach you how and then it won’t be as ornamental,” I answered. “I wouldn’t recommend it; nobles are pricks and I’ve had to duel one of them because I was mean to their friend.”

“You put Prince Blueblood in the hospital.”

“He deserved it!”

“I’m not denying that, dear,” Celestia chuckled.

“Wait… You beat up Celestia’s nephew?” Button asked.

“Yeah. Kicked his shi-crap in.”

“But isn’t he a top duelist?”

“He has won several tournaments…” Celestia mused. “And he got dragged around the arena he dueled Source in, pelted with spells, and was put in the hospital right after. This happened after he challenged your new father, it was rather fun to watch Source get angry for once.”

Button slowly turned to me. “Why did I get to have the coolest dad in the world?”

“Because I’m the coolest pony in the world.” I ducked and looked left and right. “Oh good, Rainbow Dash didn’t try to kill me for that.” I hummed as we came to a stop in front of the gates for Cheerilee’s school house. Everypony was out, as it was recess. “Wanna go play with your friends before class starts back up?”

“But… I wanna get to know my new Mom…”

“There will be plenty of that later. If you want, I can make Source sleep on the couch and we can snuggle up together all night. I can even introduce you to your new auntie.”

“That… would be nice. But why make Dad sleep on the couch?”

“Your mother’s a sadist, that’s why. I adopted a kid and I can’t even snuggle with him on his first night in my home.”

“Oh.” We walked past the gates and everpony that was playing stopped, looked at us, and then noticed Celestia. They all started running towards us, skidding to a stop on their butts. “Princess!”

“Hello, children. It is good to see foals your age running and happily playing…” Celestia giggled. “I hope your education is going well… Well, Button, I believe you wanted to play with your little friends, correct?” I got up close to Button as Celestia lowered herself onto her belly.

“Say the thing; it’ll be funny,” I whispered.

“Okay, Dad,” he whispered back. “Okay Mom! I’ll see you after school!” Celestia flinched at that, before smiling widely, and more genuinely than she had just a moment. I think she would’ve squealed if we were in a more private setting. She might just also be proud because she knows it’ll take the piss out of everypony here, so she’s probably really proud of it.”

“Of course, my son. I hope you enjoy pancakes; it’s what I’ll be making tomorrow morning for you!” Button’s ears shot up after he had hopped off her back. “I’ll take that as a yes!” She turned to me. “Take the train home tonight if you don’t stay the night in Ponyville; I will arrive at Twilight’s library if you do stay the night. I don’t want to put Button in the back of a chariot just yet; he is just a foal after all.”

“I expect to see you at Twilight’s tonight then.”

“I suppose I will, too, then. Farewell, Source.” We kissed before Celestia took to the air, shot fire out, and started zooming to Canterlot.

“HEY! THAT’S MY SPELL MA!” I shouted with a chuckle. I looked back to see Button happily nuzzle up to my leg, before he ran up to the Crusaders and shook them out of their stupor. Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were just sitting there, jaws hanging. Tiara’s tiara fell off her head somehow, and Silver’s glasses also fell on the ground. I started chuckling at the now shocked fillies.

Yeah, Button’s a Prince now, and he’s the cutest little prince to ever exist, kid. Eat them apples! Mmm… I’m going to buy my new son some apple pie after school. That sounds good right now. I saw a pink tuft of mane dive back into a nearby bush… Okay, Pinkie Pie knows about Button being adopted… so much for the quiet night at Twilight’s place.

A Canterlot Dinner... With Three Hungry Alicorns.

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Once the weekend hit, I figured it would be safe for me to finally bring Button home. Despite my earlier reservations about taking the train, since I almost got kidnapped, me and Button were actually lent Celly’s private train car for the ride. Personally, I would rather use Levitate on my hooves and carry Button up to Canterlot while walking on air, but there were a lot of problems such as my stamina and the possibility of dropping Button. Since I really didn’t want to do that, I conceded with getting on the train.

“You know,” Button said. “Fall Break is supposed to start next week,” he said after sitting next to me. We both had paper bags from Hayburger, since I didn’t feel like cooking anything for lunch, and Button apparently really liked the stuff, plus, it was the weekend. Button, like all foals, should deserve some junk food on the weekends. Raising Button won’t be too bad, I did help raise my siblings after all, but this will be a bit different. One, he’s my son and just not just a younger sibling, two, I’m practically on my own in raising him. So while Mom had the experience to help me raise my siblings, Celestia would be too busy being a princess to help raise our child.

I was fine with that; I’ll just have to be careful.

“Huh. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Because it starts in October; it lasts about two weeks and it ends a couple days after Nightmare Night… I was hoping that you could help me make a costume for Nightmare Night? I’ve never got to have a costume.”’

I ruffled my kid’s mane. “Kiddo, say what you wanna be for Nightmare Night and I could maybe turn you into it… Though Celestia will yell at me if you come home looking like a Yak. However, we are both willing to either make or buy you a costume… Would you like to be a royal guard? That would be really easy for me to make.”

“I… Can you get me a trench coat, like the outfit you’re wearing?” I was in my typical ‘business pony’ outfit. My trenchcoat, unbuttoned, a white t-shirt, and a black neck tie. I went without a hat since I would sooner be dead than wear a fedora. “I wanna be a cool mage-pony like you are.” I blinked. “I did a bit of reading in the orphanage, you would register as a war-mage, Dad. And you look cool.” I opened my mouth but I couldn’t form any words… My kid, my son, wants to be me for Nightmare Night? I stared at him for a moment before quickly turning around and bringing a hoof to my mouth. “Dad? Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing’s wrong, Button. Holy shit. I never thought I’d hear my kid wanting to be me…” I chuckled. “Button, since we’ll be going on a camping trip anyways, with the rest of your classmates, we’ll stop by Rarity’s boutique and ask her to commission an outfit just like mine for Nightmare Night, and god be damned, you will be wearing… I guess a miniature version of my business suit… Oh my god… Would you like a fedora?”

“Will you get a matching one?” Button asked… Anything for this foal, anything. I suppose I’ll wear a fedora if my cute little colt wants me to.

“I will. I will.” We both started digging into our meals as soon as the train started moving.

“Sir,” Solar walked in before stopping. “Sir, why do you have a colt?”

“He was my student, and I ended up adopting him. So before you ask, yeah, Celestia agreed, yes, he is Equestria’s newest little prince.”

“...Sir, as your friend, I never would’ve thought you wanted to take care of a foal.”

“Well, I did, and I am. I’m not just taking care of him, Solar. I’m his dad now, and I’m gonna raise him as best I can.” And I may or may not teach him some Irish Folk songs… Or even a few Sea Shanties. My singing voice may be a ‘love it or hate it’ type of thing, but god dammit, I am going to sing some of those songs around the campfire. And also I am going to teach him so many curse words, sayings, and every way to cook a potato that I know of. Mostly mash potatoes and potato fries.

“Well sir, congrats on the foal, I suppose. Did you-”

“Solar, if you make a joke about me giving birth to him, in a crast way, I will kick you in the balls.”

“But…”

“Solar.” I glared at him.

“What does crast mean?” Button asked.

“It means to be rude, something not appropriate. And while I may be a bit crast at times, I’m going to try and curve it with you until you’re older, Button. And I’m gonna try to expose you to as little of that shit as I can until then.”

“You get on me for almost making a joke, and then you curse in front of your son, Source.”

“Cursing Isn't a terrible thing. It’s just that there’s a time and a place for it. In a casual setting like this, it’s fine. Button, don’t go swearing like a sailor in Ms. Cheerilee’s class, aight? Say ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ outside of it, away from most of the other foals’ parents as possible, it’s cool.”

“Okay Dad.”

“...I’m just going to go back to my station, sir.” Solar sighed before trotting out-not without falling back into a march-out of the train car. Soon, after we had our food, we just spent most of the ride cuddled together, reading until we both somehow managed to fall asleep while reading it.

We got off the train, and I started making airplane noises the very moment Button was placed on his spot; on my head, resting in my mane, right between my ears. I started galloping, and while Button didn’t know what the heck airplane noises were, he was still having a blast. He was giggling like an idiot, before I got on my hindlegs, neighed like an actual horse and started galloping full speed while making robot noises. “I AM A MECHANICAL PONY!” I shouted as I ran through the crowds.

Everypony was looking at me like an idiot until they saw the tiny, little colt resting on my head and they simply rolled their eyes. A lot of the mares were just standing there, covering their mouths, while their eyes watered at the scene. I skidded to a stop outside of a donut shop, went in, and walked back out. Button was sitting on my head, between my ears, now eating a donut, with a happily little tail wag as I went on a slower trot around town. I was taking my sweet time with getting back to the castle, since Celestia may be wanting us to come home ASAP, but I have a colt on my head.

And I was proudly presenting him to all of Canterlot. I instinctively brought up a shield just in time to stop a crossbow bolt from hitting me or Button in the face. I had put a shitload of enchants and buffs on us both before getting off the train, so the bolt would’ve bounced off anyways… My eyes soon landed on another griffin that was just now coming out of the alleyway. He pulled a knife out and pointed right at me.

“Oh, c’mon man,” I said, I teleported Button under me. “I’m just a simple stallion, enjoying a walk back home with my son. What’s with you griffins wanting to kidnap or kill me?”

“It’s simple, the King wants to use you as a bargaining chip, Source Code. It’s nothing personal, you just chose to date the wrong mare.”

“...You almost shot my son.”

“I was aiming for your head.”

“That had my son on it. You have thirty seconds before I beat your ass, and smear your it on the ground.” I started glaring at the fucker. I threw a scroll in the air, one I always had on standby, before shooting it off to Celestia with DragonFire. Off to the distance it goes! I made sure to keep Button behind me as I raised a shield. Luckily, it didn’t seem like this bird knew what it was.

“Dad, what's going on?” Button asked.

“Hell if I know, dunno why I’d be a useful bargaining chip, but that isn’t my problem.” I glared at the bird. “Just stand back, Celestia’s gonna be a wee bit mad when she gets here, but don’t worry; she won’t be mad at you.” Button nodded, and on queue, DragonFire touched down in between us and the griffin, and the griffin was promptly knocked out. Soon, my guards piled on the dickhead before dragging him off, presumably, to the dungeons. “Howdy, Celly.” The flames died down within a few moments as DragonFire dispersed from her body. It was… The sight of fire just blasting away to reveal the prettiest mare I’ve ever seen… It’s intoxicating, man. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.

“Source, if I had a bit for every time the griffins have sent somebody to foal nap you, I would have two bits. It’s weird that it’s happened twice.” Celly sounds like an evil doctor I used to know.

“Meh. I just had you come and deal with the birdcat because… he almost hit Button with that Bolt. I was going to do something far more regrettable than knock him out. Hence… that’s why you’re here now.”

“Good. I believe I have somepony to question. See you at dinner?” Celestia asked.

“You bet,” we nuzzled and kissed while Button just watched us with eyes as big as dinner plates. Celly went off after her guards before my son opened his mouth.

“Dad, how did you end up scoring her?”

“I’ll tell you what I’ve been telling everypony, Kiddo. I don’t know, and I don’t know why. I’m lucky as balls though.”

“Princess Celestia is scary when she’s angry.”

“That she is. Just thank the stars that she loves me, and will be your adoptive mother, so that shit is almost never directed at us.” Button was quick to agree with that, and I decided to just take to the air, using Levitate on my hooves, and we started heading on over. Surprisingly, I was able to carry Button the whole way up to Celly’s private chambers. We both took a deep breath and I nuzzled my kid.

“How are you holding up, Kid? You almost got shot.”

“I’m doing fine, Dad. You kept me safe, after all.” I started sniffing him over, and probing him, before I was happy with that answer. Thankfully he was fine, so I went to make us lunch.

Celestia decided to wait a little later than usual to start dinner, as in she told me to wait a damn minute, since Luna wanted to stop by for dinner today to just spend the day with me and Celly… And because she knows she has a brand new nephew to spoil the ever living crap out of. I set up the table and Button followed me into the castle’s kitchen to watch me cook. After most of the kitchen staff gushed over how cute my son is, he sat on his haunches, until… He started using Levitate on his hooves to float like I did. He raised himself to my head level and started watching me work.

“Be careful, Button. Your magic isn’t fully developed and your Levitation will be unstable at best. Do you want me to hold you while I cook? I can easily do it.”

“I got it, Dad-” he nearly dropped himself until I caught him with my own magic. “Nevermind.”

“Here,” I set him on my head, and he immediately nuzzled into my mane. “That was a good attempt, kiddo. The fact that you can even do it at all at your age is impressive. You’re gonna be a magical monster when you grow up.”

“But… I don’t wanna be a monster…” My son whispered. Sadly, his head was resting in between my ears so I could easily hear him.

“Button, it’s a form of expression. It means you’re gonna be damned good with magic when you grow up. Celly thinks you’ve got more potential than I do, so who knows? Maybe you’ll beat your old man up if we ever spar when you’re older.”

“But what if I don’t want to hurt you?”

“Hmm. That is a dilemma, because I don’t wanna even think about trying to hurt you.” I was cooking up mozzarella sticks, another thing that Chef Beet was also watching me on… along with various other things, since Luna would be eating with us, I was making a lot of food. Celly ate a lot of food, and Luna was the same, so I was making a lot of sides for them to sample along with the entre; a good mac and cheese. Not that instant shit you’d find in a grocery store, no, I actually made a cheese blend that I melted in the oven, and was slowly cooking over some noodles. Macaroni was a thing in Equestria, so I never got why nopony ever tried to make mac and cheese.

I ended up making mozzarella sticks(and borrowed some marinara sauce that I asked Chef Beet to make; I didn’t know how to make marinara myself). I was kinda half going at it as I went, using a recipe for fried chicken batter on sticks of mozzarella that nopony was using. I made cookies, a mac and cheese with a perfectly crusted top and a side of mashed potatoes. Oh, and some spaghetti, Chef Beet provided me with lasagna, a recipe she made after modifying the one I gave her, and a loaf of bread or two to be shared between the four of us. I held up a mozz-stick after it cooled off a little and held it up to Button.

“What… is this thing?”

“It's basically a breaded cheese stick.” Chef Beet was taking the time to sample what I made, and I luckily already gave her the recipes for everything… A scroll popped up in my face while Button took a bite of the cheese stick. Cadance and Shining were joining too, apparently. Fuck me, Celly! God dammit! Chef Beet started giggling as my eye twitched; she knew that was going to happen. I have to cook for three alicorns now!?

“Don’t worry, Source,” Chef Beef showed me three carts of food. “I prepared some food too for your dinner tonight. I figured I would do you a solid with all those fancy, smancy ‘other worldly’ recipes you’ve given me to try and recreate or to change if you already knew the recipe.

“Yeah… Thanks for helping me with the marinara sauce, Beet. You’re a cool mare-” I was interrupted by Button who made a happy little hum. We both looked down to see him with wide eyes, pulling away the cheese stick, which was held in his magic. There was some nice pulley-cheese action, and snap once he pulled it away enough. He quickly tossed the remains of the cheese stick in his mouth. We both chuckled when Button started hungrily eying the rest of the sticks; I think I found his new favorite food. He’s got better self control than my brothers at least; they would’ve eaten all of that shit in a heartbeat.

“Don’t eat too much, Button. It’s fried food, so it’s not exactly good for you, and we’ve still gotta bring this food back to Celly’s room.”

“I know Dad. I can wait… but that is good though. It’s so much better than what I got in the orphanage…” Button’s eyes started tearing up a little, and I was quick to hug him. God, I love this colt.

Chef Beet and two other cooks helped me push everything to the private dining room we were going to be using for the night. Lo and behold, Luna and Celestia were sitting off to the side on the couch, snuggled up together and idly chatting. Cadance and Shining Armor were in a similar state, but on another couch on the other side from Celly and Lulu. There were four couches, but I think the fourth one was going to go unused. The table was relatively low down to the ground, since you were supposed to be able to eat while laying down; most of the chairs in the castle only had back rests for all the bipedal creatures wandering around it. And usually tables were specifically designed for said creatures, whereas this dining room was designed for comfort for ponies at the forefront. I magicked everything onto the table, before sitting on my own couch.

Button hopped up, to try and snuggle with me, before being whisked away in Luna’s magic.

“Oh. My. Stars!” Luna squeals. “Source, thy child is adorable!” She started nuzzling the very slightly concerned colt with her cheek. “Oh, I am going to steal him every now and then, I hope you don’t mind!”

“I do mind! That’s my son!” I grumbled as I crossed my forelegs. “If you wanna borrow him, cool, but lemme know.”

“Dad,” Button said, his words were slightly muffled by the fact that half of his face was smushed into Luna’s cheek. “Help.”

“Kiddo… Luna loves foals, you are a foal.”

“Oh…” Button nuzzled into Lulu’s cheek. “This is nice, but I wanted to snuggle with you while we ate… No offense, Princess Luna. You seem very nice, but it feels weird to know that I am now technically your nephew.”

“Perish the thought, young Button! I fully get it. You need some time to get acclimated with being royalty now.” Luna plated one more kiss on my kid’s forehead before she gave him back to me. However, Cadance soon had her turn, but had a better time with getting him to open up a bit more. I think she was a foalsitter, and still foals sits in her free time.

“Hello, Button. I’m Cadance, but you can call me Cady. I suppose I am your cousin now?”

“You’re… like three times as old as I am.” Button pointed out.

“I probably am, but I am still your cousin. If you wish to get away from your crazy father, you can come to me and Shiny. Or just me; I wouldn’t mind looking after you every now and then.” Cadance looked me in the eyes, telling me that letting her foalsit my foal was not optional; if I was not available, she was getting dibs on that position. She nuzzled Button, before somehow getting him to play what is essentially patty cake with her for a little bit. Celestia was happy to just sit and watch; she knew way ahead of time to give Button some space while he adjusts to his new life.

“So,” I hummed. “Didn’t you invite Blueblood? I heard Chef Beet talk about that.”

“I did,” Celestia nodded. The door cracked open as Blueblood started walking in.

“Auntie, why did you adopt a common foal?” He shouted before his eyes slowly landed on me.

“What did you just call my son, oh, dear nephew?” I asked. “And if you make him cry, I will castrate you, so choose your words carefully-” Blueblood backed out of the door and closed it. “Yeah, fuck off you dickhead.”

“What’s a dickhead?” Button asked, he was laying on Cadance’s head, between her ears…. HEY! That’s supposed to be our thing, kid! God dammit Cadance, curse you for being a natural with foals. Everypony started staring at me after I realized something important.

“Uh… it’s a saying from where I come from. It’s a way of calling somepony a prick; somepony that acts a bit rude to everypony.” I pointed at the door. “Don’t turn out like Blueblood; I gave him an arse whoopin’ for hitting me unprovoked.”

“...Awe, is Blueblood a ‘dickhead’?” Button asked. Oh my lord, he sounds so cute! And his head tilted! I think everypony was giving me disapproving looks for teaching him how to curse. I nodded. “I was hoping to get his autograph; he’s a really popular duelist. I even heard of him, and I lived in an orphanage and in an earth pony town.”

“Never meet your heroes, Button. They usually turn out to fall flat of your expectations, and also tend to not be the best ponies ever. The exception is Luna and Celly; they’re great. Their nephew’s a little shit, though.”

“I wanna see you fight Blueblood now.” I hummed, before pulling out an Illusion Crystal. This is something I wanted to try. I closed my eyes and thought of the time I fought Blueblood. I could hear silverware move as everypony finally started eating their meals. I focused harder before opening my eyes.

“Holy shit that worked!” It was right when Blueblood and I fought. Hmm. “Hey Celly, can you use your magic and think of this moment? You’d probably have a better view of it than I did.” Celly did as asked, and it… actually worked. With a flick of my horn, it swapped between my point of view and Celestia’s.

“Hot damn!” I laughed. “Oh my lord, I didn’t think I could use Illusions like that, or crystals to do this!”

“It is a pretty niche thing due to how expensive Crystals usually are,” Luna hummed. “I’m surprised you thought of that.”

“It was something I've been thinking about.” I lit my horn again and tried to ‘engrave’ the memory into the Crystal as the scene played out.

“You know,” Shiny chuckled. “The fact that you dragged him by the tail across a field, repeatedly slammed him into the ground, and peppered him with spells is brutal. Pulling on a tail can really screw up a pony’s ability to cast.”

“I know. It’s why I did that. I wouldn’t do that in a spar, or if I wanted to play fairly like I did in the tournament. With Blueblood, I just pissed.”

“...Dad, what the buck?” Button asked. “How’d you do that?”

“Shields don’t stop Levitate, so I could grab Shiny’s tail, pull on it while he’s using a shield, and he’s left wide open.”

“...Huh.”

“Yeah, it’s a trick the guard keeps secret for a reason. I just found out while fighting Blueblood-”

“This is for making Lulu cry! This is for being a bitch! Cry! Cry louder you little shit-” The illusion version of me shouted while Blueblood whimpered and cried while I slapped him. Button just started laughing his ass off, as did everypony who didn’t see this in person. Luna was trying to hide her inner-laughter; she was glaring at me for using that nickname in public without her present. I’m gonna get whacked over the head later! After the illusion stopped, I tried projecting another memory with it, only for it to not work.

“Damn. That’s a business venture.” I chuckled. “I found out how to essentially make DVD’s with crystals, this is awesome?”

“What’s a DVD?” Shining Armor asked.

Celly answered before I could. “It’s a disc with media in it. It’s a form of entertainment in Source’s world. Though, how did you recreate it, Source?”

“Casted an Illusion with my memory, and ‘engraved’ it into the crystal. It should only play that memory. Now imagine selling a memory engraved in a crystal to a few ponies, and as long as it’s charged, it can play any replay plays from anywhere.” I slowly spun the crystal in my magic. “Spells can already be engraved into gems, and Illusion is technically a spell with endless variations; it’s limited by the memory it’s playing, or the illusion it’s casting. So I engraved the exact Runes into it and got this bad boy. Now if I copied it, I could sell it, and ponies would know that I spanked the shit out of Blueblood in front of a bunch of guards. Or I got to a play, and with the permission of the cast, ‘record’ it onto a bunch of crystals and sell it. Pay royalties to the cast, and boom, mo-big-cash-munny!”

“...What does that mean?” Celestia asked. Okay, even Celly doesn’t know that, that’s a good sign nopony else does.

“I can get rich by making these.”

“Oh.”

“And it would be a good deal since any unicorn can charge a crystal, but it takes me to be able to create the specific ‘variation’ of Illusion and engrave it onto said Crystal. Thanks to how I use the diagnostic spell, I can do it pretty easily too. I might even be able to at the wedding and record it for Cady and Shining Armor; free of charge, of course.”

“That would be wonderful if you could do that!” Cadance chuckled, her mouth was full of food. She had a cheese stick, a spoonful of mac and cheese, some mashed potatoes, and some green beans… How the fuck was she fitting all of that in her mouth? Celestia and Luna shoveled a whole chunk of lasagna into their mouths while Button, me, and Shining all looked a little bit shocked at what an alicorn can pack away. Button quickly moved over to me, where the cheese sticks were, and started munching away at them before Luna tried to eat them all; she had one and looked like she just tried crack for the first time.

“Source, thou are our personal chef from now on. You shall present me a plate of these everyday, and in exchange, I shall forgive thou for publicly embarrassing us!”

“...No,” I said. I think I just made a mistake; Luna’s left eye is twitching.

I ended up being pinned under Luna, while Button evacuated my couch for Celly’s. I couldn’t do much since Luna was stronger than I was, and an alicorn so I couldn’t really use magic. She started thwacking me with her wings and not so gently nipping my mane. I just laid there and took the punishment. Luckily, Button got to eat all the cheese sticks his little stomach could handle, since Luna was now thoroughly distracted with beating the crap out of me for denying her of her new favorite snack.

“Save me,” I said, looking Celly in the eyes. Celestia slowly lifted Button, who had a cheese stick sticking out of his mouth, up so they were both facing me.

“No, we don’t like you…” She said ominously… In other words, that translated to ‘I have the colt, you’re on your own.’ My eyes widened as I realized that nothing could save me from this onslaught.

After everypony had gone to sleep, I slunk away from the bed, as much as it pained me to slip away from Button. He and Celly needed some one on one time anyways, and I wanted to do some research. I wanted to sneak into the royal archives and see if I can’t get a look at dark magic. Sure, it might corrupt the mind or whatever, but I think I could somehow make use of the properties of dark magic without any of the downsides. Luckily, nopony really questioned me walking into the archives since I’m Celly’s student and consort, so none of the guards asked a single thing about that.

I found a book on dark magic pretty quickly, a spell book. It was for the basics of dark magic, and went onto explain why you straight up shouldn’t use it.

For instance, dark magic really took advantage of your emotions, namely hatred, jealousy, or any other ‘negative’ emotion. I hummed at that; that doesn’t sound too bad. Granted, dark magic is also addictive, can literally transform you, or change you as a pony. It gave Luna power because of her mixture of depression, jealousy and anger, but in turn made her almost kill her sister twice. Somepony named King Sombra, a very, very popular practitioner of dark magic, turned a charming king that even Celestia was crushing over, to somepony that literally enslaved his own subjects…

So what if I did something called a Mace Windu?

No, not get your hand cut off because you’re a dumbass and let it happen. No, Mace did something pretty cool. You see, I am a nerd, so I’ll make it simple. Basically, there are two sides to the Force; good and bad. Bad was addictive and could turn you into a monster… sound familiar? Yeah, that’s like dark magic, and both helped you get stronger, or more advanced in magic, or the force quicker. Mace did a fun thing and made a system to take the bad shit, and turn use it against the big bad guy. It was really cool, too bad Mace got murdered so he could never pass it onto anyone, because everyone he passed it onto also got murdered.

Anyways, ponies seem to really, really heavily shy away from most negative emotions for some reason. Sure, they get mad, they can get jealous, but they don’t embrace it. Rather, they try to be ‘harmonious’ and try to actually cast out those emotions. Instead, ponies choose joy, happiness, and generally just ‘good’ emotions. Then somehow the bad emotions… taint them? Yeah, I guess that’s how I would put it. A pony that fully embraces their darker side becomes… tainted, I guess. I find that to be bullshit. As a human, or once a human, I am more accustomed to certain… feelings.

Animosity, anger, hatred, those are all things humans feel on a daily basis, and usually go to sleep no better or no worse than when they wake up. Usually. Not sure about how Two Toed Johnny, your friendly, psychotic, possibly murderous hill-billy can stop himself from killing a guy and ending up in jail because of it.

This all comes down to a few things; one, emotions do affect magic in spell casting and spell output. For instance, dark magic has a cutting spell, and with enough hatred, can cut through steel pretty easily. A regular cutting spell you nonchalantly use to cut a slice of bread… can really only cut that bread. Essentially, if you want to hurt somepony, that’ll affect how strong your spells are. Obviously, there are ways around this, Twilight didn’t wanna hurt Shining Armor but kicked his ass in the tournament, and Celly holds back but hits like a truck.

I suppose it’s about intention? I’m not sure.

By the end of me reading through the introduction and looking over a few spells, I noticed… some Runes, odd Runes. I managed to recreate them, rework them into Python, and reworked DragonFire into it for fun… Uh… some testing later and I used DragonFire to tackle a dummy, incinerate it, and leave a trail of burnt rock. That is something I can’t do while traveling with DragonFire. I didn’t feel any different either. I got that much strength out of a ‘dark magic’ version of DragonFire and all it took was me thinking of a customer at KFC calling me a slur and ruining my day by insulting me.

So if I were truly pissed off… Oh lord, that could be deadly. I may only use it for defensive magic, like somehow working a shield into a ‘dark shield’ and it can rival Shiny’s shields or something, I don’t know. So far I have a good system going, I think. Once you use some dark magic, it’ll only last as long as you’re casting a spell with it, and will immediately dissipate from your body. That way it should have no chance to corrupt the mind, soul, or whatever it corrupts.

I’ve been up all night and I didn’t sleep.

“Dad, why do you look awful?” Button asked, plopping his rump in a chair while Celestia made pancakes and an extra strong cup of coffee.

I lifted my head off the table and yawned. “I was up all night, doing some studying. I made a small breakthrough in my studying. I won’t say what until I’ve figured it out… But if I get it right, I can rework what is considered a bad thing, into a really good thing.”

“And that is?” Sun Butt walked over, setting a large mug full of coffee in front of me alongside the plate of pancakes.

Luna walked in, and she was glaring up a storm at me. I initially ignored her, since she usually looks grouchy when she’s tired.

“It’s nothing too big-”

“Source, why did I sense dark magic in the guard training ground at twelve in the morning?” Luna asked. Celestia slowly looked at me and Button froze in place.

“I was experimenting with it. I spent… way too long with working it into my own spell system and even made another system to-”

“Source,” Celestia said sternly. “I want you to tell me why you’re studying dark magic, and incorporating it into magic you use on a daily basis.”

“I found a way to use it, without getting corrupted or whatever, if it could corrupt a human’s brain to begin with. I know of a spell that completely disrupts magic. So I’ve tacked it onto Dark DragonFire, a creative name I know, and used it last night. No dark magic remained, but I got the benefits of using my anger in spell casting. You can even scan me if you think I’m lying.” Celestia looked me up and down, before Luna added her two cents.

“Source, take it from me, dark magic is a slippery slope.”

“I know. I saw a spell or two that was entirely fucked up, using surrounding living beings to extend your lifespan. I’m not stupid enough to fuck with that. I’m trying to see if I can’t use aspects of dark magic to bolster my own spell casting. Such as reliance on darker emotions, or any emotions at all. Imagine if I find a way to use dark magic to cast a spell using my love for Celly, or you, or any of my friends to power it, Luna. I haven’t yet, but I bet I could find a way.” I glared at both of them. “I’ll cut you both a deal, if I start acting ‘corrupted’ or any different from the bumbling dumbass you see everyday, I’ll drop dark magic entirely, and if I don’t, you can kick my shit in.”

Celestia got close to me, her horn was lit, while Luna pulled Button away to me, and she glared at me. Her lovely eyes widened when she… “You… No corruption at all? No desire to keep doing dark magic?”

“Not really. As I said, I had a failsafe in mind. Cast the bad magic, a spell that grinds my magic into the dirt stops the formation of bad magic residue. I doubt it would do something to me, humans are horrible, but my point still stands; I’m being careful.”

“...Swear to me, that if you feel any sort of corruption, you will drop this?”

“Every fiber of my being, Celly. I swear of my father’s name, that I’ll drop it if you sense something’s wrong with me.” I kissed her. “I swear. I’ll only use it in dire situations too, when I’ll actually need the extra power to say… save my lovely princess?”

“...Dad, that was cheesy,” Button interjected. Luna walked over and hugged me.

“I know, but look at Celly.” Celly was currently blushing up a storm. I glanced up at Luna, who was resting her head on mine.

“Lulu-”

“I suppose I shall apologize, for I was about to say you were up to no good. Though clearly you have no ill intent, Source.”

“It’s cool. I’ve read what dark magic can do, and have seen what it can do to ponies. Again, only using the aspects of dark magic, and incorporating them into Python. I’m only experimenting, Luna.”

“I know…” she sighed. “Let us drop this topic for now. I believe we have a camping trip to discuss; I know you’ve been planning one over Button’s fall break. I would like to go.”

After that, breakfast, or Luna’s dinner, commenced with a much more lighthearted conversation about Celly and Luna’s foal hood of going camping, and ended up getting invited along by a somewhat timid Button, and neither mare could really say no those hope filled eyes when he asked. I chuckled at that…

Then my face found itself hitting my pancakes and I passed out from the sheer lack of sleep that I’ve had. On top of my slightly aching horn from all the Rune experimentation, studying, writing with my magic… Then the testing of Dark DragonFire, a more combat suited version of DragonFire. I think I could hear somepony mumbling about ‘he’s bucking worse than your star student is’, but I could be wrong, since I was knocked out.

I also don’t care; pancakes make for a nice pillow.

Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drink in the Woods.

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I decided to put the studying of dark magic and its properties on hold for now. I made pretty solid progress the night I got home anyways, and I wanted to spend the time with my students too. Celestia and Luna were tagging along, since Button is a really good negotiator, as in he has good puppy eyes. We all ended up piling into Luna’s personal train car, something that was just finished, and the engineers and interior designers wanted to show it off to us, so Celly’s was set aside. Luna’s personal car was pretty nice, there was an espresso machine, something Luna requested since she really likes coffee now.

It was mostly dark and looked a lot like a smaller, more condensed down version of Luna’s living room, save for the fold up beds in the corner for us. It was mostly for form over comfort, unlike Luna’s living room. There were two couches that were alicorn sized, but one was the size of Celly, and the other was the size of Luna. So I got to snuggle up with Button and Celly on her couch, while Luna sat across from us with a deck of cards. I already sent a letter to Rarity to ask for a commission for Button’s Nightmare Night costume and for my new business suit, which would be a copy of my current suit, but just made with materials.

“I win!” Button exclaimed with a happy little giggle. Luna busted out a deck of cards to help us pass the time, and so far, everypony but me has won at least one round of war.

We’ve had forty seven rounds by the way. Here are the scores:

Button had twenty five points.
Celestia had ten points.
Luna had twelve points.
I had none. Woohoo.

“Feck me, mate.” I sighed as I placed a prince, the second strongest card in the deck besides the princess. I might actually win this round! Button placed down a ten, and Celestia played a five or something. Luna, with a giant, shit eating grin, played Princess and won the round. “Feck,” I sighed. “God dangit,” I chuckled. “It’s like back home, where the only time I start winning anything is by getting drunk.” I whipped out some whisky from my secret stache, before putting it away. I wasn’t going to get drunk in front of my son yet. Just because he will learn what it means to be an Irishman, doesn’t mean he can stomach alcohol like an Irish kid can.

“Where do you even keep that?” Celestia asked.

“I stuck an ice box in your old castle, nice and hidden. I keep my whisky there since it’s one of the few things that reminds me of home, eh?”

“Can you… tell us about your home?” Button asked. Luna set the cards aside and now she and Celestia were watching me intently. There really wasn’t any way for me to get out of this, is there? “You say you don’t originate from Equestria, or even this world, so I’d like to hear about it if you don’t mind telling us.” Button tilted his head too. Darn, so much for me getting ready to say 'no'.

“Yeah, you haven’t really told me much about your world besides the basic history of the last century,” Celestia pointed out.

“We would like to hear it as well.”

“Ah, I never told y’all about my home?” I chuckled. “Feck, sometimes it just slips my mind.” I sighed. “I was born on a small island. Well, relatively small compared to everything else on Earth, but pretty big for an island. The island of Eire, or if you want to call it by my country’s name, Ireland. It was… great. Dublin’s a small place, and I was more of a country boy back home. I lived on a small farm, and went to church, a place where we worshiped god…I was never really sold on the idea of religion, but I took part in the choir in my early days before my father passed, eh?”

I chuckled, good times. “I was practically on my way to actually having a solid job in that, until my father passed away. Had to stop being in the choir so that I could help take care of my younger brothers and sister. Luckily for me, and the rest of us actually, Ma had a pretty good job in Dublin, the capital, so we got by just fine. I just had to watch my siblings, balance school, and balance the new hobby I was picking up now that I couldn’t partake in my church’s choir, coding.” I chuckled. “Ah, we ended up leaving Ireland for a country called America, since a company offered ma a really good job, the same job, but with a higher pay. Actually, we were just about to move before… I ended up in Equestria.

“Ireland… I’ll be real, was kind of a piece of shit. It was raining all the time, it wasn’t very well developed, but it was home and when it wasn’t raining, the countryside was really nice. The folks were fun to hang around at a pub too, lemme tell ya.” I chuckled humorlessly. “Sometimes I do miss a good ol’ Irish storm, eh? It rains in Equestria, sure, but rarely does it ever just match my home. I’ve had an itching for mash potatoes ever since I’ve gotten here, but y’all barely have any potatoes for me to make it with. My pa was a chef before he died, and had a pretty good recipe for them that I still remember.

“I still never really gave up choir, or rather, singing. I loved folk songs, even if I could only really sing them in english, and when I got the chance, I did try to practice. I was gonna use this trip to teach my students how to use Fire, sing some songs from home, and mostly just take a break from developing any spells, spell systems, and generally anything at all. Sometimes, sometimes I would just like to sit back and actually get back into a choir, but I know that isn’t the life I’m going to be leading in Equestria. Magic is more enjoyable to work with, and my passion for singing just was never the same after I dropped choir.”

“Can… we hear you sing?” Luna asked. “You’ve heard me place the flute, it is only fair that I hear you sing.”

“You will when we’re sitting around the campfire, Lulu. You will when we sit around the campfire." Luna puffed her cheeks and started pouting. Celly did too; I guess I’ve never actually or properly sung around them, somehow. Button just looked excited to hear me sing, or was excited to see the Crusaders and Dinky Doo again, even if it hasn’t been more than a week.

The chosen meeting place that everypony chose to meetup at was the Carousel Boutique; Rarity’s clothing shop and home. It was since the Crusaders were actually sleeping the night before; Dinky was with them too because I guess her and Sweetie Belle learning magic from me made them pretty good friends. It was also so Rarity could get both mine and Buttion’s measurements for my outfit and Button’s costume. With that said, we got off the train, our traincar was unhitched from the train and left on a side track specifically for it; every town had a separate, off to the side track for royal carriages.

I took a long, deep breath as I hopped off the train. On my back were my saddlebags, Celestia and Luna left their regalia at home, since getting those lost, stolen, or dirty would be really easy in the middle of Whitetail Woods. By the time our camping trip is over, the Running of the Leaves will begin, which we’ll also be partaking in, and Nightmare Night will be right around the corner. Out of the two sisters, Celestia was carrying both hers and Luna’s stuff, since she was just massive, a lot stronger than everypony here that wasn’t Luna, and Luna agreed to carry all of the foals’ camping gear on her back.

It mostly had to do with how she liked foals, and probably did a lot for foals whenever she could, including helping the foals with their nightmares. That’s something she can do; she hasn’t done it with me yet because I said I don’t want her to see what the hell I’m dreaming about. Luna doesn't wanna see my dreams either. She found out what a Xenomorph was and sat shivering, under Celestia’s wing for a solid two hours after that… She hasn’t entered my dreams since. Even if that was just a one-time nightmare, my nightmares are apparently a lot more traumatizing than the average pony’s.

I walked up to the front door of the boutique before knocking on it. I knocked three times, and the door cracked open. “Ah, Source! It’s good to see you, come on in!” Rarity greeted me. Rarity did a quick bow to Celly and Luna before greeting Button too.

“And you must be Button, I know Sweetie Belle keeps going on and on about how she is excited to see you again.”

We walked on into the showroom part of the boutique, where Rarity took our measurements, well, mostly Button’s. She already had mine, but wanted to double check if mine, from when she made me a suit, were still accurate due to my apparently bulkier build. I didn’t feel or think I looked any different, but Rarity noticed, Celly definitely noticed, and Luna just teased Celly for staring at my flanks while I walked. After I got double checked, Rarity took longer to measure Button, which was just enough time for the rest of my students to walk down into the showroom.

“Hey kids!” I waved a hoof.

“Mr. Source!” I immediately got swarmed by four wiggly, excited fillies. I laughed while I got tackled to the ground. Before long, Button also joined in on keeping me pinned to the floor.

“Children!” Rarity shouted. “That is no way to treat your tutor!”

“It’s fine, Rarity,” I said, somehow Sweetie Belle ended up on top of my head, while the others were on my back. “I’m fine, nopony’s getting hurt; the foals are just happy to see me. Can’t be too mad about that, can I?”

“...No, I suppose not, but they still shouldn’t jump on you like that. Especially when they’re older; you could get hurt.”

“Meh, I’ll live if I get hurt. Probably.”

The foals all waved at Celestia and Luna, as they couldn’t really bow while riding on my back. Luna took the time to grab their bags and put them on her back. We all started towards the door, after a quick chat with Rarity. She told us that when we got back, she should be done with our commission, and I offered to pay her money for her work… She said it was for free. I insisted on it, before literally trying to hand her a bag of bits.

“No.” Ok, I am not going to make Rarity take money from me ever again. Rarity is fucking scary when she wants to give you something and wants you to take it.

We stepped outside and started heading towards Whitetail Woods. “Alright, kids, y’all got your permission slips?” Four forms, plus a fifth that Button asked me to sigh, for whatever reason. I took them all, looked them over, and nodded. “Aight, y’all all get to go!” Button soon hopped off my back, since he had at some point got up there, I don’t remember when, and started animatedly chatting with Sweetie Belle. The two started brushing up against each other, Sweetie nuzzled under Button’s chin at one point when an autumn breeze made her shiver a little. I chuckled at that; I am going to be a grandpa one day…

Holy shit, I am going to be a grandpa one day. That is horrifying.

We ended up choosing a tiny little spot next to a lake, it was big enough to have its own beach, but small enough for nopony to actually get hurt by swimming in it if they wanted to. Granted, it was the middle of fall, so nopony should want to go swimming unless they got sick. I had the foals set their own tents up using their magic, to help them practice levitation, and I immediately went to go get firewood while Celly set mine and her tent up. Well, we actually had to separate tents, but sometimes I may just go snuggle with her if I feel like it. Though I’ve got a feeling that most of the tents will go unused.

Apple Bloom had a tent that was big enough to hold her and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Though I think Button and Sweetie Belle are gonna get cuddly; it only made sense.

“And that is how you set up a tent,” Luna said. She, despite me asking her to, went and helped Dinky get her tent set up. The poor little filly was kinda struggling, though not because her Levitation was bad, no, it turned out her tent was broken the whole damn time, so Luna fixed it and showed her how to properly set it up. Before long, Dinky was snuggled up into Luna’s side, cuddled up under a wing, and happily drawing something while Lulu watched. I chuckled at that. Apple Bloom ended up wandering over to Celestia and started chatting with her like Celestia was a regular pony, probably after seeing me do it so many times, I think the farmgirl figured ‘why don’t I do the same’. Sweetie and Button literally have not left each other’s side and were sitting together and reading a book that Sweetie had brought with her.

So I trotted over to Scootaloo after getting the firewood together, and laid down beside her. She looked bored, probably because she really didn’t have anyone to talk to. “Heya kiddo,” I greeted.

“Hey, Mr. Code.” She started looking around the woods, she started looking just a little scared. Despite the fact that there were two alicorns, a semi-competent unicorn, and a whole bunch of unicorn foals, I think Scootaloo might just be a little nervous about being out in the woods. Especially as the Sun started going down, courtesy of Celestia and Luna. All the foals started laying on their backs while Luna adorably tried getting them to name constellations and almost squealed each time a foal not only pointed one out, but got the name right without her help.

“Ya holdin’ up? You look a little… bored. Wanna…” I hummed. “I can give you ideas for how you could get your cutie mark.”

“That… would be cool,” so I told her about trying to do tricks on her scooter. Stuff like front flips, barrel rolls(using her wings to help her do that, even if she can’t actually fly yet). Anyways, it was a fun little time, and made me realize just how little me and Scootaloo actually have in common. She’s still a good kid, and she clearly enjoys my company if her joining me and knocking me on my ass with my other students was any sign of that. Maybe it’s because I’ve got nothing to talk about besides Celly, magic, and basic everyday stuff. Scootaloo wants to learn how to fly, how to get her cutie mark, and adores Rainbow Dash.

We ended up reading a book, despite Scootaloo saying it was some egghead stuff. It was actually something I rewrote, an attempt at bringing a book from home, since it was one I read all the damn time as a kid. I remembered every little bit of it with my soul, and never planned on publishing it; it was meant solely for me. It was Where the Red Fern Grows. I remember every bit in my heart, soul and mind. It was about some kid in America, back before humanity fully conquered it. I rewrote it and based it on griffins, since they actually have a very similar relationship to dogs as humans. Ponies obviously had dogs, but most didn’t due to how different their diets were.

I suppose on Equus, predators stick together? There were Diamond Dogs, but those were different from regular dogs. There were specific breeds, a majority of which don’t exist, such as the husky… I dunno how to feel about that one. I met one once, and it was a joy to be around… Louder than I am when I get drunk, lemme tell you, my ears were bleeding.

Anywho, Scootaloo was immediately hooked despite the griffin being… a griffin and not a pony, or the hunting bits. In fact, she loved them a lot. We damn near read through the whole thing, before Celestia called everyone to the campfire to start roasting marshmallows… I just realized how enthralled I can get while reading this fun little book. I forgot that I wasn’t human for just a moment. I saw Button use a Fire spell damn near perfectly, and light the fire pit.

“Nice one, son!” I cheered. Button raised his head with pride. He’s getting damn good with magic and it’s only been a week since I found him. Christ, he will be able to kick my ass by the age of fifteen, I swear.

“You’ve got to read that to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom from the start sometime,” Scootaloo hopped beside me as I trotted. “I love how close griffins are with dogs. You seem to know quite a bit them-”

“Heh, I always wanted a dog, growing up. Never could, getting meat in a country full of ponies was kinda expensive, and dogs eat meat.” Scootaloo grimaced slightly at that. “Doesn’t stop me from wanting to get a dog now, though. Seriously, dogs are great. Depending on the dog, it can make your day, or simply just put a smile on your face. I know you’ve played with AJ’s dog, that never fails to make you happy, does it?”

“I do always leave a little happier after just petting Winona.”

“That’s dogs for ya… mostly. If you see a wild dog, don’t approach it, those things can be dangerous. Any ol’ pet dog? Sweet little fellows.” I chuckled as I set my book back in one of my saddlebags. I haven’t even shown that to Celly yet, I wanted to read that to her and Button during Hearth’s Warming.

“You’ve gotta tell me how that book ends,” Scootaloo said, she actually fluttered beside me in excitement. I had a thought, but put that aside. “It has to have a happy ending, right?”

“Oooh…” I chuckled. Yeah no, the ending is not for the faint of heart. “Eh… that would ruin the story. It wouldn’t be fun if I spoiled the whole thing for ya, eh?”

“I suppose not…”

“I can make you a copy, and maybe you can read it to Bloom and Belle, eh? Maybe get a cutie mark in being a narrator, then you can read cool books like this one all the time. Even Rainbow reads every now and then, even if her choice in literature is… foalish. Though I can’t say much, where I’m from, this book is made for ten year olds.” I’m lucky that I didn’t grow up reading Watership Down, if I did, I would’ve traumatized Scootaloo by the third chapter.

We settled down, and ended up roasting marshmallows with everypony else… It was relaxing.

“Source,” I looked up from something I was showing the foals; somehow ponies have graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows and somehow never came up with s’mores. I swear, these ponies, they have all the ingredients for such cool shit and they can’t come up with s’mores? I couldn’t not show the foals how to make s’mores. Hell, they loved them because it was literally just a shitload of sugar, and that is completely understandable.

I’m not above just packing away what is essentially sugar into my mouth. It tastes good even if it’s not good for me.

Luna was watching me, Celly too. “I believe we had a deal on the train ride here.” She said, tapping her shoulder with a hoof. It was almost so close to a human gesture that I had to blink a few times and remind myself that ponies are weird as balls.

“Uh… what would that deal be?” I was playing dumb.

“You heard me play the flute once, so let me hear you sing.”

“I won’t sound good.”

“You were in a choir,” Celestia pointed out. “Clearly you were proficient in it.”

“That was when I was a wee lad, my voice has gotten a lot deeper since I’ve sung in a choir,” granted, I knew how to sing with a deeper voice. I just wanted to play stupid.

“Wait, you can sing?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Uh… that is debatable.”

“Source,” Luna gave me the stink eye. “Do I have to pounce on you in front of all your students?”

“...No. Please don’t. You tickled me for six minutes straight after I had a fork full of mac and cheese. I think I had a noodle stuck in my nose for an hour; that wasn't fun, having salt and pepper in my nose.” Or garlic powder, that wasn’t fun either.

“Then sing. You said you would when we lit the campfire.”

“Well, alright.” I took a deep breath, before levitating some spare firewood over. I smacked it with my hoof, and nodded. It’ll have to replace my need for a drum, since I can’t really stomp my hooves on grass to do that. “This is a song from my home of Ireland, lads. I have to sing this one.” I took a deep breath. “In the merry month of June from me home I started.” I started to let go of any attempt at controlling my accent. Fuck, I teleported myself a pint of whisky, chugged it all and started singing with an accent so strong that I’m not even sure if I was understandable. Soon, everypony was clapping their hooves to the beat while I sang my silly little song. Honestly, it was fun to be singing again. Luna started clapping her hooves a lot and tried keeping pace with me when I got to the last chorus while trying to match my accent. It didn’t work, since she ended up stumbling.

“Buck.” Luna grumbled, she was out of breath, which was odd since she was a flute player. I suppose trying to match an accent that apparently nopony’s heard before, while singing Ireland’s spiritual national anthem probably wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. I was now drunk, if you couldn’t tell, and I was having a great ol’ time. I kept singing various shanties and folk songs, I even magicked up more whisk from my stache and decided to sing about the wonders of it.

“For sinking your sorrows and raisin’ your joys!” I finished.

“Neigh, sing that again, Source, we shall sing with thee!” Luna raised a hoof. I was really drunk at this point, so I probably had a gallon of whisky at this point. Either way, I did an encore and Luna joined.

“Then stick to the cratur’ the meetest thing i’ nature-”

Yeah, Luna ended up having so much fun that she forgot to speak more modernly. In fact, she also got a hold of my whisky somehow, and I don’t know why. In my drunken haze, I could tell Celestia was smiling and shaking her head at the time same. Same time. Yeah, I think I might feel this in the morning, or not. It depends on how good my healing spells are. I think in a more private setting, Luna being drunk would be fine, but she was in front of a bunch of foals, singing silly little Irish songs with me deep into the night.

Sweetie Belle even joined in our third rendition of the Humours of Whisky. She has a nice voice-”

I fell asleep while using a sleeping Luna as a pillow. We had a drinking game, I think, and I won forty shots ago…

I’ve had too much whisky; my head hurt more than my horn did when I was first using magic. I woke up covered in foals too, so I couldn’t go throw up… Actually, I didn’t need to. I just had a really bad headache. One healing spell later and I no longer had to face the consequences of my actions! Except Luna hitting me in the head for somehow beating her in a drinking game, when alicorns have a higher alcohol tolerance than normal ponies do.

Luna, I am Irish, you will never out-drink me, I can’t even call you a bitch, I love you too much to do that. You… Feck, I can’t come up with anything. Oh!

“Luna, you are a dork.”

Thwack. Ow.

I Just Wanted a Normal Nightmare Night. I Almost Got That.

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So it was Nightmare Night time, I guess. I suppose I should explain what that is, since it’s kinda like Halloween but not Halloween. You still wear costumes, even if the adults partake in costume wearing just as much as the kids do. There was a key difference though, and Nightmare Night was celebrated for different reasons than Halloween. I think the way Halloween was celebrated was because people wearing costumes hid them from ghosts. On Nightmare Night it apparently just protected you from Nightmare Moon or whatever.

I found that to be complete bullshit; Nightmare Moon would probably murder anypony no matter if they were on her side or not… Nah, Nightmare Moon was actually a reasonable mare, since she was just a really, really unhinged version of Luna that became Nightmare Moon because she was demonised for a long time.

Celestia, understandably, never partook in Nightmare Night, since it literally celebrated her defeat. In other words, it celebrated when Luna was sent to the moon for a thousand years. It was a huge thing by the time Celestia got out of the funk that she had been for about a hundred years after sending her little sister to the moon, hence why Nightmare Night is still a thing. She did do some work to make it less about burning dolls made in Luna’s image, and more about the harvest, candy, and costume side of Nightmare Night that it’s known for today.

I couldn’t really care less for Nightmare Night, but thanks to me publicly embarrassing Luna, and her much quicker than expected acceptance by ponies in Canterlot, she was moving her scheduled ‘first public appearance’ to this year’s Nightmare Night instead of next year. Because Luna wanted Celly to be there, and because Button asked her to, Celly was coming while dressed as a giraffe at my suggestion; she was tall, almost the size of a giraffe calf according to her. I didn’t know that giraffes were sentient on Equus, but I’m not shocked by that either.

Apparently actual horses were a thing, but got phased out by ponies being able to use magic; they couldn’t compete with that shit and ended up getting over hunted by griffins since they weren’t sapient.

For tonight, Button was going dressed how I usually do, since he was a cinnamon roll that idolised me despite it only being a few weeks after I adopted him. I made my own costume for tonight, since I decided to ‘screw it’. I, after a lot of experimentation with transmutation(and a lot of practice of walking like a bird), turned myself into a raptor. Specifically from Jurassic Park since those things were scary. Celly wanted to get a nice, big reveal of my costume since she doesn’t know what a raptor was.

I came charging into Luna’s living room, since her chambers were bigger than Celly’s, and tried to give my best raptor impression. Unfortunately, I am not a tiny little biomancer of a colt that can easily manipulate any part of his body, so I couldn’t actually make the noise. In fact, I ended up giving up on the raptor idea as a whole, since turning fur into scales was too much for me. So I literally just made my neck longer, had turned my fur into scales, and changed the tail since that took way less magic.

So I just walked into the living room looking like…

“I am a stegosaurus!” I said with what I hoped was the dumbest expression I could do with the face of a stegosaurus. I still had a horn, so it wasn’t a complete costume, but I decided to wear a hat to cover it up. Celly was dressed in her giraffe costume while Luna opted to just go out in her birthday suit… after using a spell to hide her wings. At my suggestion, she turned her fur white with the same spell, and removed the sparkles from her mane and tail, again, with the same spell. So she just looked like a shiny Rapidash.

Button tilted his head, his hat sliding down just enough to cover one of his eyes; his fedora was just a tad too big. When I pointed it out to Rarity, she told me she did it on purpose, and I’m glad she did; it was cute. “What’s a stegosaurus?”

“A creature from my home. Long dead, like none exist or can exist in the current climate of my world, but they were kinda cool. I was gonna go with something… more predatory, but the guards would suplex me on sight, and Rainbow Dash would definitely try to square up with me; she would then promptly kick my shit in. So… Something strictly herbivore looking, plus I can now finally say ‘I’m a stegosaurus’!” I made the same stupid look I gave when I first walked in. It was really cool.

“You look stupid,” Celestia said. “Your neck is so long like this.”

“My tail was changed to help keep me balanced. It feels weird, but it’s easier to do than walk like what I was going to end up as. Raptors are awesome; too bad my two leg balance is kinda shite while I’m hunched over.”

“I swear, you have to be a changeling,” Luna said. “If it weren’t for the lack of a green flash when you clearly used magic to transform, I would’ve knocked you out and captured you already.”

“Still dunno what that is, but I think it’s a good thing my magic isn’t naturally green when I use it. Hold on,” I grabbed Luna’s crown, made it bigger with a spell, and placed it back on her head. Now, it was just a little too big for her, just like how Button’s hat was just a little too big for him to wear. She glared at me after realising what I was playing at, before rolling her eyes. She couldn’t even be mad; the silent argument just made sense, after all.

It was hard to be scared of somepony being cute, which definitely, the case right now. Luna’s horn lit, and suddenly both hers and Celly’s ears more resembled Button’s. You see, Button and most foals’ ears are a lot floppier and droop just a little bit. It was because the calcium in their bodies was doing what calcium did in a puppy’s body, which was focus on both growth rather than ear growth. In other words, they had floppy ears now and it made Luna just that little bit cuter, because that won’t give anypony a heart attack. To be clear, once we tested it, Luna can, in fact, make criminals stop being bad guys by asking for a belly rub while acting all innocent.

Then said criminal we tested it on got tossed in jail because he promptly tried to rob me. No, he wasn’t smart, he tried to rob me in front of a princess.

“Well, I guess we’re all ready, aren’t we?” I asked, lowering myself so Button could jump on my back.

“I suppose we are,” Celestia sighed. “This will be my first Nightmare Night…”

“Same here,” Button said. “The orphanage never let me go out on Nightmare Night.” Bro, that’s just mean. Let the kid trick or treat!

“I’ve never been to a Nightmare Night; I was on the moon when they were invented,” Luna said with a tiny little chuckle. “I heard it was invented because of me? That’s a good thing…” She sighed. “Not really, but it can’t be that bad.”

“Coolio. I sent a letter to Twilight so she should be expecting us; she decided to try her costume out this year or something. I know she’s going as that one unicorn that she basically worships this year, I dunno why she was saving it for this year.” At least it wasn’t something that made her look like a slut, because apparently ponies did that shit here too. Make slutty versions of costumes for everything.

“Source, is this going to be your first Nightmare Night?” Celestia asked.

“Mmm, that depends. If you go specifically by name, yes. If you consider my world's version, Halloween, then no. I’ve trick or treated and or walked around for candy, real fun. I got this homemade cookie and ended up being sick for a few days… last time I did that, or let my siblings get freshly baked goods from anyone on Halloween. I know that probably won’t happen here, but if somepony offers a brownie that they just made, or something similar, don’t take it. Especially you, Button; Celly and Auntie Lulu are apparently poison resistant.” Celestia and Luna seemed shocked that somebody would happily hand out poison to random kids on a holiday… Man, they would probably die if I told them about America.

Mostly about America’s education system, not because it sucks, but because of… reasons. That was an easy, horrible joke, I’m sorry.

“Okay Dad. What if it’s from Pinkie?”

“I’m scared that she somehow knew what cocaine was and put it in a brownie, Button… nah, if Pinkie or Sugarcube Corner does give out baked goods, go for it, I guess. If only because Pinkie was for Sugarcube Corner and Sugarcube Corner is a respectable business; they probably wouldn’t put pills in cookies, or be in business if they did.” I hummed. “Actually, just don’t take any baked goods from random ponies unless they are somehow working for Sugarcube Corner, cool?”

“Yeah. What if I ran a diagnostic spell before I took a cookie and it came back negative?”

“Mmm… Good point. Do that before you take it then.” With that, we started making our way to the chariot bay so we could go celebrate Nightmare Night.

I nearly fell on my face when I got off the chariot. I just about got used to being a regular pony, but my currently longer neck is screwing with my balance. Luckily, I didn’t fall on my face, but I almost did. That was currently irrelevant, since Luna decided to jump out of our chariot before it landed. Don’t mind how her guards looked a lot more threatening than the average pony… granted, she looked like a badass while jumping out of the chariot, but she was being stupid. Anyways, because I am a smart pony, I reverted myself to my usual, not stegosaurus ‘costume.

Then I jumped out and landed next to Luna after casting a Lightweight so I wouldn’t break anything.

So that’s how I nearly fell on my face.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw what looked like a Wonderbolt flying around with a stormcloud, using it to scare the ever living shite out of everypony around. How the thunder was in sync with the lightning was beyond me, but that wasn’t the main point. I saw a rainbow mane for a moment before lightning flashed behind us after we landed. Meanwhile, I could feel Celestia facehoofing at how I almost broke my nose because I decided to jump out of a chariot after Luna… without giving myself wings before doing so.

This caused a group of foals, led by Pinkie Pie wearing a shark costume, to run in fear. “Watch out! It’s Nightmare Moon and her minion!” She yelled something about… eating children. What the actual hell do ponies teach their foals on Nightmare Night?

The chariot soared through the air towards the center of town.

“What the actual crap just happened?” I asked.

“I… I thought Ponyville would be far more receptive to me; they were fine with me hosting the magic convention here, some stallions even tried to ‘hit on me’ as the younger ponies would say.” She then smacked the back of my head for jumping out of a chariot after I had promptly teleported my business suit onto my body since I don’t think I could turn myself back into a stegosaurus if I wanted to. I used way too much magic and even just teleporting my clothes to me gave me a slight hornache. We started walking towards the center of town where we found Twilight happily greeting Celly, while Spike was… dressed up as a dragon. It had stretch marks on it and everything, so it was probably what he wore every year.

“Oh! Princess Luna, Source! There you are!” Twilight waved. “Princess Celestia said you two were arriving in a different chariot, which was odd since I figured Source and Button would be sticking to each other quite a bit… Source, you look awful.”

“I casted a few Transmutation spells, a Lightweight, a Teleport and also jumped out of the chariot because somepony wanted to make a flashy entrance.” I glared at Luna.

“Tis tradition, and you said the traditional way was cool!” Luna argued. Everypony around us slowly started backing away, looking like they thought that the actual Nightmare Moon would come to be. Even Twilight started looking a bit apprehensive, whereas Celly and Button just watched on with indifference. Celly knows how me and Luna are, and Button probably knows we’re both a couple of idiots.”

“You could’ve been the dork you are, and just landed with the chariot, Luna-” she thwacked me over the head for that!

“Why did you jump out of the chariot anyways, you magicked away your wings for your costume… actually, how the hell did Pinky immediately think you were Nightmare Moon?”

“Because everypony knows that a fiery mane means the pony is evil! I mean, that’s what Princess Celestia’s alter ego would probably look like if she were evil! So maybe Luna has a similar looking one!” Pinkie said, before she realised she was hugging Luna. She squawked, made some quip about Luna trying to cook her into sushi, dunno how she knew what that was, and ran away while clucking like a chicken. I turned my hoof into a hand for a brief moment, flipped off the general direction Pinkie ran off in, and reverted the hand.

“What did that mean, Source?” Celestia asked.

“Don’t worry about it, it was just something vulgar my… ponies from my home did if they oculd use magic. It usually meant ‘fuck you’.” I sighed. “I did that because I’ve a feeling Pinkie’s gonna keep doing that until she upsets Luna.”

“Pinkie wouldn’t do that, she’s just trying to have fun.”

“She pinned a fake tail to me arse while playing pin the pony. She then proceeded to try and flirt with me after doing so while my arse was hurting from the pin in it.” Pinkie meant well, but she is a damn sicko. When she pulled the pin out my butt, the pain went away, too. I don’t know how she even did that, why she did that, or the reason she can do the things she does. Either way, that mare is tone deaf, and I think Celly and tell that Luna doesn't appreciate being called a cannibal.

Luna’s gaze actually fell to the ground after Pinkie ran off, so I wrapped a foreleg around her neck and nuzzled her. “C’mon, Luna. I’m sure the Crusaders would love to see you. I know you aren’t going to say no to foalsitting a few fillies while they go trick or treating with Button… Am I right?”

“...I would like to spend the night with my nephew and his friends. If you wish for me to come along, I do not mind.”

So that’s what we ended up doing for the next few hours, we picked up the Crusaders and Dinky. I keep forgetting that she doesn’t have a cutie mark and hangs out alone with Sweetie Belle a lot… Button and Sweetie Belle spent a few minutes complimenting eachb other’s outfits. since Sweetie Belle dressed up in a generic princess costume, had fake regalia made, was wearing a dress that was admittedly really pretty, and had lipstick on. Button thought Sweetie Belle looked pretty and Sweetie thought that him dressing up in what I’d call a suit, handsome.

Sweetie Belle’s costume actually, and heavily, resembled something I’d see on Princess Peach from Mario, it was… very pink. Almost too pink for my liking, but just barely too pink. It was actually kinda pleasant looking, even if I, personally, couldn’t shake the resemblance. The only reason why Sweetie Belle didn’t look exactly like Princess Peach, besides her having her mane in a ponytail, was the fact that she left her mane and tail pretty much untouched. Above all else, she looked adorable, which is all you really need to do as a filly wearing a crown. Be cute, secure the bag full of candy, and sweep my son off his hooves.

Seriously, Button was enamoured by how Sweetie Belle looked.

“Why are you and your dad wearing the same outfit, Button?” Scootaloo asked. Like most of the pegasi foals I’ve seen running around, she was wearing a wonderbolt outfit, apparently each wonderbolt had a different costume and she was going as Spitfire tonight.

“Dad’s the coolest pony around,” Button said matter-of-factly. I had to hide my smile behind my hoof while Celestia and Luna didn’t hide their smiles; they definitely thought that was cute. “Since he is the coolest pony around, I wanted to look like him… He didn’t let me dye my fur or mane to look like him, though.”

“Because you shouldn’t be aiming to be exactly like me, kiddo.” I said. “Trust me, you wouldn’t want to exactly be like me, as it’s simply better to be yourself. I appreciate you looking up to me like that, but distinguish yourself and be the coolest pony you can be, Button.”

“Okay Dad, but you’re still the coolest pony I know until I become the coolest pony I can be.”

“Mr. Code is not the coolest pony around, that would be Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo declared.

“Mmm… That is debatable,” I shrugged. “Flying does seem pretty cool,” I started walking in the air with magic. “Though I’ve got that covered currently.”

“...I didn’t know you could do that. That’s pretty cool, even if Rainbow Dash is just twenty percent cooler than you are.” I still can’t argue with that, Rainbow Dash is admittedly, a really cool flier. A bit of an asshat, but loyal as can be. You don’t find ponies like that very often.

So, there was a spooky story competition and a costume competition. Nopony in our group particularly cared about the costume competition other than Sweetie Belle, because apparently she had a hoof in helping Rarity out with the costume, as in she stated that Rarity made the whole thing after Sweetie put her input on how she wanted her dress to look. Nopony else cared, but entered anyway to see how that would go. There were three separate categories, cute, scary, and pretty. Sweetie Belle won the ‘cute’ category without any struggle, because how could you argue about how cute she is? This is the same foal that could probably convince Rarity to go out in the woods with her for fun. Unfortunately for me, the scary story contest was a thing everypony in our group was partaking in, our group because Twilight and her friends eventually found us, grouped up with us, and decided to take part in the competition… I say this is unfortunate because ponies cannot come up with anything scary. Celestia was currently a judge, so was Luna, and even they looked somewhat shocked at what some of the ponies were coming up with. Like genuinely, they were shocked.

The scariest one was Apple Jack’s story because she decided to tell a story about an ax murderer that ended up not actually being a murder at all and actually just some stallion looking to buy some apples. Rainbow Dash told a ‘scary story’ about the were-gryphon or something. Twilight’s story was plainly boring, just something stupid involving the Pinkie Sense. Pinkie Pie forgot it was a spooky scary contest, but when she did, somehow entirely recounted(while acting out) the entirety of predator. Rarity’s story was about bad hair days and Fluttershy hid under a table after Rarity’s turn.

By the way, there were forty ponies and I had to sit through forty really shitty scary stories.

I did not have fun. The foals were supposed to have their own competition, so at least I wouldn’t be hearing anything too childish to be too scary. I wonder if I could get away with telling something completely screwed up. I could literally just recount any of the many, many, many stupid alien stories from back home… I could talk about Nessy, Nessy would be pretty spooky. Nah. Once it came to my turn, I decided to be a little silly with it tonight.

“Hello fillies and gentlecolts, tonight… Let me tell you about a story me mum told me. Of a ghostly galleon filled with gold. A crewless pirate ship that many, many sailors have tried to tame… This is the Tale of the Shadow!” Luckily, a part of my order was a cap, a cap that I used to wear a lot as a young lad, it was an Irish flat cap. Before I started singing, I teleported a stool to me and started using it as a drum. Everypony was surprised that I was telling my tale through song, but nopony was really complaining.

Luna was happy to hear me sing again, and Celestia was more than excited. Twilight seemed to immediately guess it was a song from my homeland, as if it wasn’t a part of this world… I need to learn how to play an accordion for shit like this, dude. I probably won’t ever do that, but I want to learn how to play an accordion. I was honestly having a blast. Foals looked intrigued, yet terrified, the adults looked fearful as my voice grew darker and darker as I started approaching the end of the song. I did some minor redubbing, such as ‘all hands’ to ‘all hooves’, but nopony seemed to notice.

As soon as I got to the bridge, I used magic to make my pupils disappear as I slowly looked up. My cap was hiding my eyes the whole time for a reason. “None can tame the one the sailors call the shadow!” I laughed like a maniac before slumping out of the chair I was sitting in and playing dead. Everpony started screaming and poking me to make sure I was alright… Oh. Oh ho, ho.

“SOURCE STOP SCARING EVERYPONY! YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THEM NIGHTMARES!” Luna thwacked me over the head. Dammit, Luna, I was having fun!

Anyways, I won the competition, I got a nice, blue medal, an angry, blue alicorn, and Celestia was simply shaking her head while obviously holding back a laugh. Even if she and Luna did genuinely look disturbed not only by my performance, but the story.

While I wasn’t paying attention, I caught Snips and Snails… Snips was dressed as a scissor blade while Snails had a big, very obviously fake snail shell on his back. Celly decided to take over watching the foals, Luna more or less just went where the foals were, so I was left alone. Snips and Snails were sitting at a picnic table picking through what they got while trick or treating. I trotted over and sat down. Admittedly, when I first kicked them out and subsequently banned them from my tutoring sessions, I was being a bit rough.

I’m used to dealing with stupid, annoying teenagers. Snips and Snails were just annoying asshats, but I wanted to amend things and offer them some form of help with their magic.

“Howdy,” I said, sitting down in front of them. “How’s your Nightmare Night going?” I asked.

“It’s going great! We just stole half of this candy from a bunch of foals!” Snips said, Snails nodded along like an idiot. Luckily, I knew for a fact that they didn’t steal from my foal, since I doubt Celly would let that fly, and Luna definitely wouldn’t let that happen.

“...Alright. I’m not going to ask why, since I can probably guess that you wanted their candy and you thought it was funny,” I sighed. “Aight, I’m here to say sorry for yelling at you lads, that wasn’t very professional of me as a tutor, nor was it very ‘grown up’ or whatever.” Snips and Snails looked at each other, before turning back to me. “I was stopping by, since I was kinda told by Celly to piss off,” as in she figured out that I skipped Lunch and Dinner and told me to go find something to eat. “So I stopped by and was wondering if you want me to tutor you guys on magic. Interested at all?”

“Nope!” Snails immediately said. “Why would we wanna learn magic from you when you didn’t even come second in every magical competition at that weird unicorn convention? You came-”

“Third place in everything but the free for all,” Twilight said… where she came from is beyond me. “I wouldn’t skip over this opportunity for you two, Source genuinely is a good teacher, and I know you two have stopped by my library occasionally while looking at spell books.”

“Well, Trixie is better with magic than both of you, so it would be better to learn from her.”

“...What?” I asked. Okay, that is genuinely fair, Trixie is better at magic than I am if I had never made Python, but c’mon, Twilight is definitively the most gifted unicorn in Equestria.”

“Yeah! She can take on an Ursa Major, I bet neither of you can!”

“...Don’t bring one of those in town to prove a point. That’ll get somepony killed.”

“Oh, we should! I heard the Princess is in town, so when we’re proven right, she can save the day!” I blinked a few times, before plopping my arse on the ground and started rubbing my temples. What the actual fuck? How the heck does Celly and Lulu being in town make doing that any better? I think you have to be… I’m not even going to be there. I know I’m going to need some whisky to forget that idea.

“Don’t do that.”

“...Fine…” They grabbed their candy and ran off.

“So,” I said, turning to Twilight who was wearing a fake book on her head. She almost resembled a librarian from Minecraft because of that. “Why did you seek me out?”

“Spike got picked up by Celestia. Did you know that the rest of the foals you were supposed to watch out ended up riding on her back because they all fell asleep?” Oh my god dammit! “So did Spike shortly after joining them. He is a baby after all. Why are you alone?”

“Celly made me go find food, without thinking that nowhere that sells food would be open at this hour. She found out that I was screwing around with trying to make use of dark magic instead of feeding myself, and got mad. Not about the dark magic part; she’s fine with that. God does she care when I don’t take care of my basic needs such as food, though.”

“...She’s letting you study dark magic? Wouldn’t that corrupt you?”

“I’ve developed a system to prevent that, and even use another dark magic user’s power against them.”

But you have to fully give into negative emotions to make full use of dark magic! Why would you even be interested in that?”

“Because I wanted to. It hasn’t affected me poorly, and as long as I don’t use anything that requires live sacrifices, it’s technically not illegal. With that said, I think ponies need to stop shunning their negative sides. Flaws and emotions make a pony, experiences build character. Many, many story tellers from my home make stories that seem amazing, and then fall flat because their characters don’t feel like people. People, and ponies are inherently flawed and get angry, they get jealous, they feel depressed. If they don't, then they aren’t alive.” I smiled and sighed. “Nopony does though, which is a shame. Yeah, you get slightly antsy over Spike not picking a book up, but when’s the last time you’ve felt truly angry and anything, Twilight?”

“...Never.”

“I have. I’ve been angry at myself, I’ve been depressed when my dad died. The important part about feeling those shitty emotions such as anger, is letting them control you. However, that’s not why I’m studying dark magic. I wanna make use of it, sure, but I wanna see if I can empower a spell using my love for Celly, for my family, or any positive emotion. I wanna, and I’ve made some progress, but I’m still trying to truly see what emotions affect magic.” After that, we started off to try and find Celly and Luna.

I was admittedly tired, and I think Twilight wanted to retrieve Spike and go to sleep too.

I couldn’t find my Celly, or my Button. Twilight and I split up at some point, she said she’d check the library because Celly and Luna were welcomed to stay at the tree-brary for one reason or another. I think most of the adults had put their foals to sleep and started celebrating the adult part of the holiday, which was drink until you drop, and then feel like shite in the morning. I didn’t bother taking part in that, and Celly and Lulu wouldn’t do that in public, even though we definitely were going to do that when we got home later. Most of the adults were hanging around Sugar Cube Corner, where the adult side of the night, hosted by Pinkie, was underway.

I stopped mid step when I heard a roar. It wasn’t a quiet one, it was a roar, obviously. I heard screaming, namely it sounded like Snips and Snails screaming. I growled at myself; right when everypony was probably a-fucking-sleep! Seriously? Did those two seriously go out in the woods and go find a… That’s a bear. That’s a giant bear made out of whatever the heck space is made out of. It was running through town, destroying stalls, the stage that was used for the scary story contest, and came to a stop in the center of town, which was really close to where Sugarcube Corner was.

Snips and Snails saw me and made their way over to me, so that left me to deal with it! Woo!”

Well, I’m pretty much the only thing that will be able to hold it off, so… I teleported towards town hall, and shot a concussive at the fucker to get its attention. I can't do anything about this. Ursa Minors were already pretty hard for most unicorns to deal with because of how big they were. Ursa Majors are larger, stronger, and slightly magically resistant. So that’s not going to end well for me.

“Hey! Over here you oversized mutt!” I said. I didn’t need to, I already had its attention. I shot a Piercing spell at its eye, which actually made the ursa minor roar in pain… Oh good, it can bleed! Glad I figured that out. Because now it was chasing me.

“Source!” Oh thank Celestia, literally- nevermind. Celly shot a spell at it, and was immediately batted away with a paw. Button and his friends were standing behind Twilight, who had her horn lit…

“WHY DID YOU BRING THE FOALS OUT WHEN YOU HEARD A DAMN ROAR!?” I shouted as I shot another spell to get the bear’s attention. Twilight turned around… She definitely didn’t know they were following her judging from the shocked look on her face.

“I WILL SMITE THEE!” Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice, only to be swatted away by a bear paw too. She went crashing down towards where Celly was sent flying… My teeth gritted as I realised what that meant. The bear just hurt Celly and now Luna. It. Hurt. My. Fucking. Family. The ursa minor turned to Twilight and the foals, who were screaming. I don’t know what, I don’t know why, but everything faded black for me. I was just pissed the hell off. All I know is that my horn lit, and I was done screwing around with this stupid bear.

Twilight watched as Source Code started screaming like a banshee. He took to the sky using a variant of DragonFire she had not seen before, flying right into the ursa minor before she could actually do anything to it. The bear roared as the projectile that was Source, flew into its face, leaving a serious burn mark on the bear. Its once translucent fur, was now burnt to a crisp on its face. The bear slowly realised that it might have messed up, and turned to run. Twilight watched on as Source calmly landed in front of the bear, as his horn lit.

There was magical fire oozing out of Source’s eyes, his trench coat fluttering in a nonexistent wind as his mane and tail started doing the same; there was oceans of magic oozing out of Source, and… it was dark magic. What was standing there wasn’t the stallion that Twilight once knew as the somewhat nerdy, stupid, and nice pony. What was standing there was… something else entirely. It was horrifying. It wasn’t the somewhat magically weak stallion, it was pure, unfiltered power flowing out of the stallion.

“Hey buddy, I ain’t done with you, yet.” Twilight watched as two…wings spreaded open. Judging from the party goers that were watching, they were equally as shocked. Source’s horn lit before grabbing the ursa minor and throwing it into space. Not even just… throw it. It shot off into space after being lifted off the ground, it caught on fire while screaming on the way up… Source threw an ursa minor so hard that it caught fire from the friction of the atmosphere. Almost immediately, the change in what was standing there and Source. He immediately stopped… whatever he just was, and ran over to her and the foals. He did a quick check in on them, before going after where he saw Princess Celestia and Princess Luna get launched.

He quickly found them, started nuzzling them, and casted healing spells. Alicorns, at least from what Princess Celestia has said, heal rather quickly, and both princesses received only minor scratches due to them being far more resilient. Of course, both Celestia and Luna watched the whole thing and were quick to notice the wings that Source now possessed. Of course, the once unicorn didn’t even notice, in fact, he didn’t seem to care, and probably wouldn’t notice for the time being. After he was sure that nopony he loved was injured, he fell over and fell asleep rather quickly.

“What the buck did we just watch?” Apple Bloom asked. “No seriously, what the fuck? Is our teacher secretly an alicorn too?”

Twilight would’ve admonished Apple Bloom for swearing if she wasn’t shocked at just what happened.

“Why… was there an Ursa Minor in town to begin with?” the unicorn mused as Celestia started carrying her very, very worn out stallion towards a nearby hospital to make sure that he was alright. Twilight shrugged, now knowing that the threat was gone, even if she could've handled it. Once everpony got to the hospital, they all quickly learnt that they were probably seeing things. Source didn’t have wings, but was still knocked out from overexerting himself from magic… Though the somepony sprouting wings, without the aid of magic, seemed farfetched to the unicorn.

“Is he alright?” Twilight asked Celestia, who was staring down at her coltfriend.

“Twilight, Source just wielded so much magic that it made me flinch. I… believe he had accidentally found out what he was looking for while studying dark magic. What he was using wasn’t solely being fueled by hatred, it was love and fear. He thought Luna and I were seriously injured, and only got angry when he saw the bear threatening you and his students. Mostly his students. The amount of magic Source can wield while fueling himself with his own emotions is horrifying. I swore I saw wings under his trench coat, Twilight.”

“...Is it possible for a pony to become an alicorn through large amounts of magic?”

“I… am not sure.” They both flinched when Source shot up while coughing.

“Ah shit, mate, what the feck did I drink… Shit!” Source immediately calmed down when he saw Celsetia, and immediately relaxed right after she hugged him. “You alright, dear?” The unicorn asked. His words were slurred a little.

“I am fine, Source. Do you feel… angry, or anything?”

“Nope. I am slightly mad about Snips and Snails leading an ursa minor into town, but they’re kids, so I won’t hold it too badly against them. They’re kids and kids tend to be pretty damn stupid a lot of the time. Button and Luna are fine, right?” The unicorn was answered when Button and Luna walked through the door to his hospital room. Button gently hopped up on the bed, nuzzled into Source’s side, and immediately found his father’s tail laid across him. He and Luna nodded to each other, before the very, very exhausted stallion laid his head back down on the pillow.

Then Source rolled over slightly, pulled Button to him, and started grooming the colt with his eyes closed. He paused on the fifth lick, before shrugging and kept on going.

“Dad! Not in front of the rest of the foals!”

“Shush, I saw a giant bear threatening my son. I am going to groom you in front of your friends even if it embarasses you.” Source smiled. “I’m just glad y’all are safe, even if my horn hurts like me eyes when that stupid, haunted ship stole’em.”

“...Source, if you make your eyes disappear again, I will smack you,” Luna warned. “I already have to deal with a lot of nightmares, and you added onto that with your messed up, foreign mind.”

“Worth it!” Source chuckled, before he immediately went back to grooming Button. At least nopony… got hurt. Nopony. The ursa minor was definitely thrown off into space, burnt to a crisp somewhere.

Nopony told Source that he nearly grew wings.

The Running of the Leaves

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So the Running of the Leaves is an event that happens, where in most towns, or anything that isn’t a cloud city or Canterlot, most ponies run through a forest, or a tree-dense part of town, to help the leaves fall from the trees or whatever. I doubt that a dozen ponies, all of which are smaller and less heavy than horses, can make enough strong vibrations to make leaves fall from a tree, but I do have an idea of how this works. Ponies, even if they do not realize it, all have magic. However, ponies have different ways of using said magic, and how they do it is usually based heavily on the tribe, or subspecies of pony.

Unicorns are really obvious, we can impose our will on the environment around us through our horns and our horns are almost exclusively how we use our magic. Granted, we do have some minor ability to use magic to grab stuff with our hooves, though I’ve noticed that hoof grip changes from tribe to tribe after some testing with the help of my guard friends…

Well, Solar’s guard friends who agreed to help the princess’s consort test something.

This all boils down to earth ponies being the strongest with hoof grip, pegasi in third, and unicorns in last. If you took alicorns into account, Cadance, an alicorn more suited for testing due to her not being a thousand years old, ties with earth ponies when it comes to hoof grip. An untrained alicorn is onyl a little weaker than an earth pony. Granted, Celly and Lulu have stronger hoof grips than most earth ponies because they're trained alicorns.

Pegasi and earth pony magic is less blatant to the naked eye, but pegasi seem to use magic for flying, since not having wings is the least of a pony’s worry when trying to fly. Again, horse-shaped bodies are not aerodynamic. They also use magic to be able to stand on clouds, manipulate them, and control the weather. Enough pegasi can channel their magic together in order to make tornadoes and hurricanes should there be a need. Earth ponies… are broken as fuck dude.

Earth ponies, inherently will always be better farmers and gardeners than their avian and horned counterparts, as their magic actively helps plants grow. Apple Jack is a good example of how an earth pony’s magic works with plants. Her kick, as strong as it is, isn’t what makes apples fall from her trees, it’s her earth pony magic. Earth ponies are also usually better cooks, with rare exceptions like Chef Beet, than the other tribes. As in… they are able to more easily discern ripe ingredients, the exact time it takes to cook something perfectly and some other things. So in day-to-day life, earth ponies are also even if they don’t have a horn to levitate shit with.

Some colt, a long, long time ago discovered that earth ponies have significantly stronger hoof strength, as in they can literally use their hoof grip on the ground and casually pull up to four times their own body weight. Earth ponies, per kilo, are stronger than the other tribes. It doesn’t help that earth ponies are usually bigger than unicorns, which are then usually bigger than pegasi. With the exception of Rainbow, who is about Apple Jack’s height and build, even if it’s a sleeker build because of her being a pegasus, most pegasi are half a head shorter than a unicorn. An earth pony is usually two or three heads taller than a unicorn. Like side by side, Shining Armor’s huge for a unicorn, and then Big Mac's a small…

Three hooves, or just a meter, taller than Shining.

Though Big Mac and Shining are on the extremes of height.

By the way, I am vertically challenged, since I’m actually shorter than even Fluttershy, who’s what you can expect from a regular pegasus. Stature-wise at least.

Oh yeah, earth ponies. So earth ponies, if they are strong enough, which usually they are, can overpower most unicorns, even with magic, without a problem. Like I think the only unicorn that can hold down Apple Jack is Twilight, and Twilight wouldn’t be able to do it forever. If Apple Jack were a murderer, thank god she isn’t, she could wait for days, when Twilight would be exhausted, and Apple Jack would still be as energetic as ever…

It wouldn’t end well for Twilight in this hypothetical scenario, lemme tell you.

Also earth ponies, mostly because of their usually longer legs and unintentional hoof grip, can run about thrice as fast as other tribes. Though Rainbow Dash, again is an exception. That mare is genuinely just really quick, a fast flier, fast runner, and just fast. Like she can keep up with Apple Jack in a lot of aspects, including strength, which is scary when you consider that Apple Jack is probably one of the most fit earth ponies I know.

Also, Rainbow Dash can fly faster than I can even perceive, so I’m doing my best to not piss her off.

Where was I again? Oh yeah! The running of the leaves.

So, there are two sides to the event, the foals and the adults. Usually there’s a competitive and casual version of each, but most of the ponies in Ponyville are very competitive, so there’s only a competitive version. There isn’t much of a reason for it, since next to nopony is going to be running in the casual side of the Running of the Leaves in Ponyville. Foals get their own, shorter track so if a foal falls, they aren’t getting trampled by at least forty other ponies. A foal running over a foal won’t leave the foal that got run over, very hurt. Maybe a bruise here or there… an earth pony slamming into a foal could easily crush a ribcage, or the foal’s…

Ok, no. I am not imagining that, because all I imagine is Button falling during the adult event. I do not like that visual. In fact, I don’t like thinking about it. Luckily, Button is nearby, so I can snuggle with him and keep that horrible sight out of my head. Anyways, since the Running of the Leaves happens just a little after Nightmare Night, or the last day of Button’s Fall Break, I figured we both should stay in town and partake. Button wanted to, I wanted to just walk through the woods, it was a win-win.

Celestia and Luna will be coming back tomorrow to spectate the race, thanks to an Eye Spy spell a unicorn, from out of town, was paid to use in order for non-runners to partake in the event. Twilight and her friends were competing, save… Okay, nevermind. Just Rainbow, Apple Jack, and Twilight were competing. Rarity doesn’t like the idea of running, or being sweaty. Pinkie is acting as a commentator, and Fluttershy doesn’t wanna run.

Button, along with my other students, would be running in the foal event simply because the winner of that event got a coupon for a free chocolate bar, a princess sized chocolate bar, from Sugarcube Corner that was honored once a week, for the next year. In other words, show up to Sugarcube Corner, get a huge chocolate bar for free. Come back next week, and get the same size bar. The other times, you would get a free chocolate bar, just not a princess sized one. For you non-ponies, princess size is essentially those inconceivably big bars of candy you’d get on Halloween from the super rich person’s home.

The top ten winners of the adult event got medals, with first place also just getting forty bits. That was enough to feed yourself and your foal for a week, by the way. So it was a good amount, but not life changing.

I don’t plan on winning, I wanna just… walk through the woods.

That sounded like a fun, peaceful time.

Button and I had split up, with my kid being picked up by his little friends, and me heading on down to where the Running of the Leaves was taking place. Twilight and Spike left way before me and Button, because Twilight likes to Twilight and be super early, or exactly on schedule in her imaginary schedule. Overhead, I could hear a chariot being pulled through the air. Yeah, Celly and Lulu are in town to watch the event now. I was wondering when they’d show up.

Luna jumped out of the god damn chariot again! Luna! You fucking dork!

Well, I at least knew where Luna’s interest lied; she was flying towards where the foals’ Running of the Leaves was happening.

After a few minutes, I made it over to the starting line, or where everypony was meeting before we all had to be put at the starting line.

“There he is!’ Oh god. Rainbow and Apple Jack were on me the moment I walked into the general vicinity of where they were, which was probably somewhere with Twilight if I’m not too mistaken. I looked around, looking dumb, wondering if I should just wander into the forest that has a bunch of what many from my world would call Ohio’s state flower, or a bunch of traffic cones, because that’s not where you’re supposed to run. Whitetail Woods and the Everfree Forest were actually one and the same, just one is serene, peaceful and actually a really lovely place to be.

The other will fuck you in every hole possible while Poison Joke laughs at you, a manticore is trying to eat you while a cockatrice is turning you into stone.

“Yeah, Ah was wondering if he’d show up after chickening out of the Iron Pony Competition!” AJ said. Now I was surrounded by two rather pretty mares, and I would be perfectly okay with that if it weren’t for three reasons. Okay, maybe two. Reason number one is Celly. I think Celly literally tried putting a collar on me to wear while I was in Ponyville without her, and asked really nicely if she could put it on me. My response was that it was for bedroom purposes only. The second reason… Well, we’re going to have a gander at my journal for that one lads.

So since I was staying in town, since it was just after Nightmare Night and the Running of the Leaves happened the day after, I thought it didn’t make sense for me and Button to go back to Canterlot just to get on a train and go back to Ponyville after not even a full two days back in town. So, because Twilight literally wouldn’t let me sleep in a hotel room if it killed her, I stayed with her and Spike at the library. During that day, Button spent most of the day crusading with the crusaders…

And ended up burning up a train set somehow while they were just playing around.

I decided to hangout with Apple Jack for the day, who happened to be hanging out with Rainbow Dash. The two of them were having a fun little competition thingy, or it wasn’t supposed to. We were just playing horseshoe toss… Man, I don’t think I’d see something I played as a lad with my siblings in a pony world, but I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, I wish I had my siblings to play with, but I think the Apples got my adoption forms finalized without me signing anything, since Apple Bloom just straight up called me uncle, and I also saw a ‘list of unofficial apples’.

I, along with most of Apple Jack’s friends, were on that list.

Rainbow Dash was the first one to have a go, throwing the thing just shy of the stake. The usual smacktalk between the two of them occurred, only for Apple Jack to come up short. I was just sitting on my butt, quietly waiting for my turn. I have a feeling that both the mares I’m with aren’t completely straight, but mare on mare relationships are common, and it is really common for there to be a third, or fourth mare in a relationship along with a stallion so that they can have sexy times or whatever.

Eitherway, I think this is how these two flirt with each other, by beating each other in physical competition.

“Dang, AJ,” I said as her shot landed shy of Rainbow’s throw. “That’s a darn shame, eh?”

“Shut up Source, like you could do better than either me, or, Rainbow. It would be fair, you’re a bit scrawny looking, and a fancy-smancy Canterlot-'' while Apple Jack was going on about something possibly racist, even if she didn’t mean to be racist, it’s all in good fun and everypony is probably just a little racist. I picked up a horse shoe with a hoof, since I couldn’t do the fancy ‘stomp on it and catch it with your teeth’ thing Apple Jack and Dash can do. I hummed, before tossing it, and nailing the stake with it. There was a clean ‘ding’ as it hit, and slid down the thing. I stared at it for a moment, before shrugging and sitting back down.

“Source,” AJ said slowly. “What?”

“Wuh?” I asked. AJ just snorted, before both Rainbow missed another throw, and AJ nailed it. I nailed my shot as well after throwing my horseshoe over my back for the fun of it.

“Damn. That was pretty cool, way cleaner than my first throw was,” I said with a smile.

“Source, are you secretly an athlete?” Rainbow asked. “You beat me and Apple Jack in this!”

“...I do some guard training every now and then. Sometimes Celestia kicks my ass, same with Luna. Most of the time I just…”

“Didn’t you beat a lot of unicorns by going physical during that der’ fancy tournament that you almost won?” Apple Jack asked.

“No, I did that to one pony that threatened to do some illegal stuff to Twilight. Plus I don’t think any of the ponies I fought, besides Shining Armor, actually had combat experience, or whatever is floating around in my brain.” I am clinically stupid, and will run into a fight without thinking if pissed.

“Ah think we should test that out with an Iron Pony Competition,” Apple Jack said. “You say yer in the guard or something, so you’ve gotta have some muscle, city boy.” I blinked a few times. Dude, all I did was play a game I played a lot as a lad, what the heck is an Iron Pony competition? I stared blankly as it was set up. Oh, it’s a strength competition… You know, I think I may go into the Everfree Forest and do some more testing with dark magic. I hummed, before engulfing myself in DragonFire and flying off, as fast as I could, into the aforementioned forest, and landed at Celly’s old castle.

That’s where I spent the rest of the day until I remembered I had to pick up Button from Rarity’s place after he was done playing with his friends.

“Hi?” I said. I might be tempted to go back into the Everfree Forest.

“You chickened out of that Iron Pony contest, Source,” Rainbow said plainly. “It was mostly to see who was better between me and Apple Jack, and it would’ve been interesting to see how you would do!”

“Sorry, I don’t speak Equish.” I said in my most English accent I could muster. Since I was Irish, it didn’t work very well.

“...What?”

“I do not know what you are saying.” I paused, before doing my best to actually speak in Irish, which really confused the shit out of both mares. I knew like five words, so halfway through I wasn’t even speaking in a language, it was just a bunch of noise, mixed in with the occasional Spanish or French word to make it seem like a different language.

“...Source, what the heck was that?”

“I dunno. So why does it matter if you guys know how athletic I am? I just left because I didn’t wanna partake in the yellow pony thing, or whatever. And also I don’t like performing in front of crowds unless I have something like whisky to put hair on my chest and make me forget what the heck is going on. That, which isn’t legal to do in actual competitions, or I just tune out the crowd and hope for the best.” I hummed before shrugging. “Either way, I’m not a competitive pony, I don’t care about athletic stuff. What was meant to be a day where I hung out with two of my favorite ponies, ended up being what looked like a shit show, so I decided to just leave.”

“...Oh. Wait, two of your favorites… ponies?” Apple Jack asked.

“Yeah, you have Rainbow beat by just a hair for me. Both of y’all, despite not being stallions, are proper bros. I was having a dandy-ol’ time ‘til the Iron Pony thing became a thing…” I shrugged. “Feck it, just go race each other and prove you’re the best, or whatever, I’m gonna be taking my time to stop and smell the roses during this race. Life goes by way too quickly to not enjoy just a walk through the forest, after all.” They both blinked at that.

Rainbow was the first to speak. “You just said the cheesiest thing ever. Didn’t you start dating Princess Celestia after… like four months of knowing her?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I take things quick, other times close my eyes, breathe in slowly, and let my troubles go for a bit. This seems like a good time for that.”

The airhorn, dunno how they got one of those, but Pinkie is confusing. Everypony but Twilight started making a mad dash, and Twilight started just trotting along. I waited until Twilight was long, long out of sight before I started walking too. I started humming the Humours of Whisky while I happily started trotting through Whitetail woods. The forest floor was nicely covered in the shade of every tree, with the occasional, orange or yellow leaf on the floor. As I looked around, a leaf or three would slowly fall to the ground.

I literally did stop and smell a few roses… Celly said roses did taste good, so I even took a bite.

It was… weird. Tasted like a very, very light velvet cake. Yeah, that’s good. The leaves ahead of me were trampled, likely by the dozens of other runners in the competition. The sound of leaves crunching under hoof satisfied the stupid child in me that liked stepping on leaves during autumn, because I was a stupid little kid that really liked stepping on leaves. Eitherway, I was enjoying myself. Along the way, I would occasionally find Rainbow Dash or Apple Jack doing something that could be considered cheating, or a pony who had tired themselves out and was panting, laying flat on their side under a tree. Other than that I never saw another pony. I once caught a very short glimpse of Twilight’s tail, before I stopped to admire a small little stream. It wasn’t a big, raging river, it was just a small, serene little stream.

The sound of water slightly bouncing off the occasional stone in the river, the occasional, very small fish that would jump out of the water… It was beautiful. It wasn’t meant to be the loudest kid in the room, or the prettiest thing in the world, but just… something about a small stream that is nice to watch. After a minute of staring, I kept on walking, before noting that something… landed on my back. It was a small little bluejay that was happily chirping. It pecked the back of my ear, which almost made me mad…

Then it turned out it just grabbed a tick off my mane. The bluejay flew away right after, so I guess he decided ‘screw this guy’.

I closed my eyes and allowed the noise of the forest flow through me as I began to ponder my place in the world. Once some Irish kid that had to grow up too quickly, now I’m a prince consort, even if I’m not married to Celly yet, I’ve got a kid, which is just shocking… I’m friends with a bunch of wonderful people… But it just feels wrong. I hate being a horse. I hate not being able to tell me Mum not being able to compliment me on my cooking, or my siblings screaming. I miss being human. With my eyes closed, I can almost, almost pretend that I was the wee lil’ lad walking to school on a nice, peaceful day in Ireland after it stopped raining… okay, that’s a lie.

It never stops raining in Ireland.

Aside from that though, this whole experience is- Something bumped into me and sent me sprawling towards the ground.

“Feck,” I grunted. My opened to the tails of Rainbow and Apple Jack, a small dust crowd trailing them, and them yelling at each other… They sound like a married couple. I got up, brushed myself off and kept on trotting until I ended up catching up to Twilight, who had just passed a fairly worn out Rainbow and Apple Jack, who were resting, and totally not cuddling, under a cherry tree. I trotted up to Twilight’s side after catching up and waved.

“Howdy Twi, how’s the Running of the Leaves, eh?”

“It’s going great! I’ve been able to note at least fourteen different subspecies of birds, four different types of leaves, along with four different trees to go with it. This is really nice! How’s the race going for you?”

“Takin’ things slow. I will admit, I did wait until everypony else was far ahead of me before I got started to have some time to myself and think,” I eyed the Eye Spy windows. “Think about things I won’t be saying, and… yeah. This takes me back to my days as a lad, walking to school with a jug of poitin. That’s alcohol for you, Twi.” Twilight’s eyes widened. “I’m Irish, lass, eh?” I let my accent loosen up. “I can out drink an alicorn. Been drinkin’ since I was a wee little lad.” I made my point by teleporting a shot of whisky and downing it. “Not even close to getting drunk.” I looked dead at the Eye Spy. “Luna, you still owe me fourteen bits for outdrinking you.”

I am going to get thwacked over the head for that later.

“Oh… right. Can you tell me about Ireland?”

“It was a rainy, shitty island in the middle of nowhere. What else is there to say?”

“...Do you hate home?”

“Nah. Wish I could go home, but I don’t wanna leave anypony in Equestria. Real dilemma, aye?”

“Yeah… I miss being in Canterlot, and at least that’s only a short trip in the hot air balloon, or a train ride away.”

“Meh, enough about the depressing topics, aight?” I cleared my throat. “How many ponies have you passed? I’ve counted a good ten, at least, that were tuckered out under a bush somewhere… I think. You’re a better observationalist than I am.”

“I think currently, we are tied for fourth. If you’d like, I can give you the win. I’ve already ‘put you to shame’ in a majority of the magic competitions during the convention.”

“I’m not competitive. Fifth place still gets a ribbing. I say we tie, we bisect our ribbons, and then combine them with magic and roll with that.”

“Works for me.”

We ended up tying and doing just that. Button, having finished in third, behind Scootaloo, Apple Bloom won first. Speaking of, I was just laying in the grass, having five tired foals panting, tongues hanging out the side of their muzzles, resting on my side. Dinky, god bless her soul, came dead last, since like her mother, she isn’t the most coordinated filly in the room. None of the foals besides Scootaloo, and even she didn’t really care, cared about what place they came in. Apple Bloom agreed to split the prize with the rest of her friends anyways, since the princess-sized candy bars were almost as big as her whole hoof.

It was unanimously agreed that, even if Apple Bloom wanted to eat that much chocolate, she couldn’t, so she’d probably end up giving the rest of the bar to Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, or Dinky, so they just ended up deciding to split the big-ass bar four, or five ways if Button was in town, each week. Or use the chocolate to try and get a baking cutie mark in various different baked, chocolate goods.

Thwack.

“I do not owe thee fourteen bits, Source. Do you understand how much my head ached until I healed myself?” Luna asked. I was snuggled up into her side, since Celly agreed to being the ‘stand and wave’ princess today. I was fine with cuddling either even if cuddling with Celly was a treat, Luna was still a good cuddle buddy. Leave it to the oldest ponies in existence to know how to snuggle, I suppose. “I drank liters of whisky.”

“And I drank four times as you did.”

“...Buck you, Source.”

“Dad, why didn’t you let me try any whisky? You sang a whole song about how good it was.”

“Because you aren’t fully Irish, just by law you are if you can sing the Rocky Road to Dublin while drunk. Unfortunately, I ain’t letting you drink until you’re fourteen at the earliest, and that’s assuming Celly will let you. She definitely won’t. When you get old enough, yes, you and your old man will sit on a roof somewhere and sip on some whisky.”

“I still do not understand what the buck is in your system to let you drink so much,” Luna grumbled.

“Potatoes, whisky, and rain water. And pure joy. That makes an Irish Man.” I leaned back. “I’m going to make some mash when we get home. Dunno how the buck I’ll make gravy, but I’ll try my best…” Or not. Mash isn’t complete without some good gravy, and you can’t really make gravy without meat… shrooms. I am going to make mushroom gravy. We watched as AJ and Dash finally crossed the finish line after a solid hour of waiting. They came in dead last; third to last showed up a solid thirty minutes before them. To their credit, they didn’t look worse for wear even if they were covered in scratches and dirt.

I tuned out the cheesy friendship lesson that they learnt, and continued to just lie in the grass to continue enjoying the nice, cool autumn breeze as it ruffled through my fur. Soon, it ended up with just me, Button, Celly and Lulu laying in the grass in a little pony pile. It wasn’t fit for two princesses to lay in the grass, but I think my two favorite alicorns were starting to open up to the idea of acting less like a symbol of perfection since I’ve come around.

Occasionally some asshole would come by with a camera, snap a photo and run while whispering about their latest story. None of us cared. Well, I did, but like… Celly started licking the inside of my ears. Luna quickly caught on, and swiped my kid to lick the inside of his ears. Within minutes, Celly was humming in delight while I was grooming her.

This was a good day. I’m having fun.

Hearth's Warming

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So, as it turns out, nothing of importance actually happens in December besides the Grand Galloping Gala. After October, which ended on Running of the Leaves, halfway through November, exactly when Americans typically would be celebrating Thanksgiving, marks the first day of winter. Then at the end of the month, Hearth’s Warming happens. Since it was Hearth’s Warming, and Twilight’s perfectly ratioed group of friends who were national heroes at this point, were going to be performing in a play the day after Hearth’s Warming. This was great, since the immediate families of every one of Twilight’s friends were going to be joining me, Celly, and Luna during a small dinner after we had our own, smaller scale celebration.

I had already written up a special version of the textbook to Python for Button. I planned on giving Luna a rewrite of Star Wars upon hearing her interests in it when I described it to her. No, I didn’t ponify it, I literally rewrote Star Wars, and filled in the blanks of my stupid memory, and planned on giving it to Luna. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were receiving copies of Where the Red Fern Grows that I originally rewrote for personal enjoyment, since that was one of the few stories I remembered by heart.

I bought Solar Strike a fancy bottle of whisky.

Now, I’m saying all of this because… I don’t know what to get Celly. She said that just my company was enough, but I want to give her something. I wanted to do something for her, but I don’t know what to do, or what to give her. She’s the Princess, and I wanted her gift to be unique. She’s borrowed my first copy of Where the Red Fern Grows and had already read it and subsequently banned me from letting her read any of the more depressing stories of humanity. She enjoyed it, she loved every moment she read it even if it didn’t take her very long. I could get her a dog, but that wouldn’t be a good idea.

Like me, dogs are stupid, and annoying. Dogs also tend to not live too long past a decade, on Earth at least. Equus dogs apparently have longer life spans, but that doesn’t matter when Celly literally has been alive for thousands of years. Maybe I can somehow get her a timber wolf. I’d have to get a puppy and teach it not to- no, no, no. It might eat Button, and if it ate Button, I think I might burn down the entirety of Canterlot before promptly throwing myself off the mountain. I could… no. Actually, why am I getting her a pet? Philomena was the perfect pet for Celly, eternal life, mischievous, and just as sweet and loving as her owner.

Plus Philomena was sitting on my shoulder, watching me grasp the sides of my head while I stared at a list of scrapped present ideas.

“Philomena, you’ve known Celly for almost as long as Luna, what would you give Celly?” I asked.

“Chirp!” She started preening her ears.

“Thank you for nothing, you useless avian,” I sighed. “Fuck me, mate, how do I give something to the mare that has everything… I paused. I can make ice cream cake. I can make Celly cake… I don’t know how to make ice cream cake, and ice cream isn’t something kept on standby in the royal kitchens- who the heck am I kidding? I’ve seen Celly and Luna pack away tubs upon tubs, upon tubs of ice cream before, so they clearly had a source. With that in mind, I decided to make two types of cake, namely, cupcakes for the party, and then a princess sized ice cream cake for Celly… okay, maybe I’ll make a third cake in-case Luna gets jealous and wants to try out some ice cream cake.

“Philomena, I know what we’re gonna do today-” she was gone. Dammit. SHE BETTER NOT TELL CELLY MY IDEA, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Anyways, I will have to wait until the party to present Celly with the present. I think Celly may actually just be happy to snuggle up with me, maybe hangout under some mistletoe, and maybe, maybe have some sexy times. Celly doesn’t seem like a very materialistic mare, and seems to care more about being able to spend time with the ponies she loved rather than receiving gifts. That doesn’t mean I won’t give Celly an ice cream cake. Mmm… I am not used to Christmas shopping. Yes, Christmas shopping, despite them both being celebrated for very, very different reasons, Hearth’s Warming and Christmas were basically the same.

Same colors of green and red, candy canes were a thing and were handed out more often during both, gifts were given out, and it was an excuse for everypony to take off work, get together with their families, and have some good food. With that said… I dunno how to actually feel about celebrating it. On one hand, I couldn’t bring my human family. On one hoof, I had my pony family consisting of Celly, Lulu, and Button… mmm… I dunno. Anywho, one thing that was different about Christmas and Hearth’s Warming was mistletoe.

Mistletoe was just a thing you hung on your door. I wanted to start the human side of it, and smooch Celly in front of everypony. That would be really funny, and I just want an excuse to kiss Celly. I don’t need one, but kissing Celly sounded fun, and introducing some silly human customs sounds like an awesome idea. So that was what I was going to do. I already bought some mistletoe, unreefed, and had the ingredients needed to make the ice cream cake. Now all I needed to do…

Actually, I was going to spend tonight with Solar Strike, my guard friend. I don’t often get to spend a full day with him, since he has an actual job that requires him to be on the clock most of the time. It was a pre-Hearth’s Warming Eve party at a bar with the rest of his guard friends. I’ll get to baking the cake, after I get over my hangover, tomorrow. I put my last present down, the one for Button, after I wrapped it. I did end up just rewriting, with a lot of minor redubbing due to my stupid memory, How to Train Your Dragon, not the novel version. No, I tried my best to rewrite the movie version into a novel… so I guess it was a novelized version of the movie.

I don’t know, but it was at least something, and a story from another world that I loved. I even took the time to squeeze the whole trilogy into it… No, I wasn’t working on it for a while now and decided to just give it to Celly for the sake of giving her something on Hearth’s Warming… You know, if I were dating Luna and published what I rewrote, I probably would’ve sprouted bat wings.

Unfortunately, I am dating the better princess, if you like heated pillows, and rewrite a lot of human stories just for personal enjoyment of having something from home, as inaccurate as it is to the original. If I knew how to write music, I’d be doing the same with my favorite songs.

Anyway, I was already walking out of the castle, having met up with Solar Strike and his buddies. They were talking about having a drinking contest with bets… Free bits are free bits, I guess. I was once the Drift King in college and usually only won games of Mario Kart after drinking copious amounts of booze. I was just kinda tagging along and hanging with Solar while the rest of his buddies bumped into each other and laughed.

“So,” one of the guards, Shield Basher, I think. He’s a big, brown earth pony that probably gets by via bashing a shield into ponies’, or various other creatures’ skulls. “Why are we bringing the princess’s consort? Isn’t he supposed to… y’know, smile and wave next to Celly on Hearth’s Warming during the play?” Basher asked.

“Hey now,” I said. “I’m not officially her consort yet, just her coltfriend… mmm, I already did propose to her, and I was going to publicly do it at the Gala. Anywho, I’m here because Solar invited me along, and I get along fine with most of the guards for some reason, even if I don’t know the reason why.”

“Well,” Basher hummed. “You are pretty scary,” I blinked at that and raised an eyebrow. “Prince Blueblood is a known duelist and can even bat around earth ponies with some of his spells. If he were in the guard, he would genuinely rank up in somewhere in the top twenty of the strongest unicorns… and you hoof handled him. You beat him so badly that he actively avoids you and even asks for twenty four hour surveillance to make sure you aren’t a threat to anypony.”

“Weird. All I do is hangout with Celly in the morning and evenings, and sometimes bother Luna. Sometimes I come by and get some combat training, and then the rest of my time is spent with Button or teaching my students down in Ponyville. I’m not that much of a threat as long as nopony harms the ponies I care about. It just so happens that Blueblood struck first, and while I don’t care much about myself, Celly does, and she would be pretty distraught if I ended up in the hospital, so I kicked Blueblood’s shit in. He’s an asshat, and had it coming anyways.”

“I know, but still, you can easily, easily manhandle actually trained unicorns with your fancy-spancy spell system. You’re not only the Princess’s consort, but also her student, so it makes sense. You’re just bucking scary, dude. And then some guards were watching you test out that fire thingy you do, and watched you scorch the rock and almost turn said rock into obsidian with how hot the flames were.” Basher hummed. “Though right now, you seem… overly docile. You don’t seem to care.”

“I’m with guards, who likely won’t hurt me, or let me get hurt. One of said guards is one of my closest friends, and I’m gonna get some whisky. Of course I’m gonna be docile. Just don’t threaten to kick my kid’s head in, and I won’t shove your head up your ass. Sounds fair?”

Basher shrugged. “I guess…”

“I watched as a griffin almost shot him and Button with a crossbow,” Solar chimed in. “Apparently whatever he was getting ready to do, was so bucked up, that he summoned the princess to take care of the problem for him.”

“...You were there?!” I asked.

“I saw you get angry, dude. I ain’t getting in between an angry Source Code and whatever he’s mad at.”

“...Fair enough. You coulda swiped my kid and booked it for the palace though.”

“I… also wanted to watch you beat the snot out of that griffin. Damn featherbrained idiot, if most of the guard hadn’t lost you, he would’ve had at least sixteen of us piling on him.” Solar grumbled.

“That was racist, but whatever. Important thing is, Celly took care of it, so nopony really got hurt. Dunno what happened to the griffin, but whatever.” I hummed. “Where are we going, anyways?”

“Somewhere called the Fire Phoenix, it’s a bar run by a retired guard, and usually stays open extra late during the holiday weeks; it’s so we guards can calm down and unwind.” Solar explained. He then started grinning like an idiot. “You and I are gonna have a drinking competition, I will make so many bits off of you.”

“...Alright. Just gonna say, I’ve outdrank Luna, so… have fun with that.”

“So the princesses are lightweight drinkers-”

“Alcohol is a weak poison, my man. Alicorns are pretty resistant to poison. Do the math.”

“...Could you, and would you, outdrink Princess Celestia?”

“I’ve been having whisky with me food since I was ten, mate, I can handle my booze. Dunno about you, though.”

“Solar, kick his ass in that competition,” Basher said. “I may have a gander and join in too. Loser pays for the drinks.

The party was pretty kickass, we had drinks, I won the drinking contest, and Basher started spooning Solar at some point during the night. Luckily, I was still mostly sober, not really, so I ended up dragging Basher, since he had an iron grip on his chosen cuddle buddy, and dragged them back to the castle. In the morning they would be shipped off to their families for the holidays, and I have a Celestia and a Button to wake up with in the morning. I may not be the best coltfriend in the world, or the best father, but am I really gonna deny those two waking up on Christmas Eve without me?

Or Hearth’s Warming if you want to be more technical. I left Solar and Basher in a bed together, I couldn’t get Basher off of my poor unicorn friend to save my life, no matter how hard I tried, Basher wanted his snuggle buddy. He may have been a cuddler back when he was a foal, and I wouldn’t blame him for enjoying snuggles. I’m just not sure if drunkenly spooning Solar was welcomed by a sober Solar or not. Since I couldn’t do much else, I teleported to Celly’s bedchambers where she and Button had just settled down for bed.

“Hey Sunshine,” I said, teleporting my toothbrush, with some toothpaste on it. I started brushing my teeth as I teleported a cup to me, full of water, and rinsed my mouth. I yawned and laid down now that my mouth didn’t reek of whisky.

“Good evening, Source. I see you got home early from your night with your friends?”

“Yeah, we had a drinking competition as soon as we sat down and I figured leaving them in a bar, even if it’s run by, and is for, guards wouldn’t be a good idea. So I took them home early before I got too drunk.”

“Dad, your accent is really thick. The last time it was this thick, you outdrank Auntie Luna.”

“That is correct, Button. Source, how much did you drink?”

“Four liters! I may have lost count after my drinking buddies passed out around their first pint.” I grinned like an idiot. “I won fifteen bits, eh?” Celestia shook her head, before nuzzling me.

“Please stop exploiting your friends for bits; you knew that those bits were yours as soon as they placed bets on a drinking competition.”

“Yeah… I didn’t take the bits because… my friends were blackout drunk. With that said, though, I’ll act like we just did it for fun. I don’t need the bits, and seeing Solar getting spooned was worth winning. Button, when you grow up and get drunk with your friends, don’t take advantage of the fact that they’re drunk to do things to them. Trust me.”

“Okay Dad…” Button got up from Celly’s belly, to make room for me, before he climbed up on top of my back after I laid down, and nuzzled his face into my mane, while being almost squished between Celly and me.

“G’night, Dad, g’night, Mom.” With that, he was out like a lion.

“I am so, so gonna tease him for snoring like a kitten.” Celly giggled.

The next day, I thought we were gonna unwrap and open our presents, but it turns out that that was supposed to be a thing that happened during dinner on Hearth’s Warming, after everypony ate of course. I’ve never celebrated Hearth’s Warming, so I guess that’s something different than Christmas, since usually as soon as Christmas Eve, the presents were fair game in my house, and you can open them whenever. Then again, ponies have some weirdly strong self control when it comes to this, but then have horrible self control when it comes to something random like cake.

I’m looking at you, Celly, you ate my cupcake when I wasn’t looking once. I love you, but I was looking forward to that.

We all ended up piling into the kitchen, because I tried sneaking off in order to make a bunch of baked goods, and a bunch of human foods for dinner. Just because the Apples were bringing more than enough food for everypony, doesn’t mean they were the only ones bringing food. We were all supposed to bring at least one dish, and then treat it like an all you can eat buffet. I wanted to let most of my friends experience some human stuff, even if it was a bootlegged, vegetarian version of what I would’ve experienced as a lad. I know Celly and Luna were definitely trying to steal any table scraps, especially if some of those table scraps were cake.

Button was just happy to sit on my head while watching me bake, and even got to sample a cupcake. Since he was behaving, he did get to sample another cheese stick, since he might or might not be addicted to them.

“So, why are you doing this?” Celestia asked. “The Apples agreed to cater our giant, family dinner this evening. I’m sure nopony would miss some cake-HEY!” I sprayed her again because I saw her get ready to eat the cake I made for Luna, after I already got done with Celestia’s cake. Luckily, ponies are similar to cats in a way, they sit like cats, groom themselves like cats in private, and react very similarly to a cat, except ponies can actually talk so they can curse you out for spraying them.

“Well, I wanted to at least provide desert, along with a few, quick and easy human snacks. Namely nachos, my dad’s lasagna and potato fries.” Along with various other snacks. “I realized that I can’t make ice cream cake very well, let alone know how to make it. So I made the next best thing. Stop eating your sister’s cake, you see the bigger one with vanilla and chocolate ice cream, that I enchanted, to not melt, next to it?

“I made that one for you, and the other one’s for Luna. I made a metric assload of cupcakes that look like smaller versions of Luna’s cake? Those are for everypony else during dinner tonight. So maybe don’t eat your sister’s cake.”

“Oh…”

“So can I sample this one?” Luna asked, pointing at her cake. She behaved herself, so I agreed to letting her sample a small bite of her cake. At my nod, she took a very, very small bite. Her cake was topped with strawberries, since I know she loves those. Celly’s had blueberries and raspberries topping it. Luna’s eyes slowly widened as her pupils grew to match her eyes’ new size. She stared at it, before slowly looking up at me, and replacing her shocked eyes with puppy eyes.

“Please, please become my personal chef! A lot of your human snacks are tasty and you haven’t shown anypony to make them besides Chef Beet!”

“...Mmm.” I hummed. “Nah.”

“You’re lucky that I said I wouldn’t assault you during the holidays, you ungrateful whelp. Does the time I groomed you while you were sleeping fly over your head? Or my loving hugs? How could you forget those!? All I ask in return for my loving hugs are those cheese sticks…” Button was just watching the three oldest ponies in the room be bumfuck retarded, and I think he finds it amusing, or thinks it’s funny. He could also just think we’re nuts and is wondering what the buck he got into when I adopted him…

Or he’s shocked that his adoptive mother and aunt are fucking weird. There’s no way that Button would think I’m weird, right? I’m his Dad!

“Mmm… that’s a shame. I’ll make you them whenever I’m able and you want some, Luna. I, and Chef Beet stopped trusting you with cooking anything after you somehow burnt the inside of the oven so badly that it had to be replaced. So I won’t be showing you how to cook those little snacks.”

“Fine. You get one less loving hug during Hearth’s Warming, though.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to massage Celly and Button tomorrow. Ah man.” Luna’s ears shot up.

“You. Wouldn’t. Dare. Deny. Me. A. Massage.”

“Lulu, with how you talk about this stuff in front of me, I would assume you were taking my coltfriend away from me for no reason.” Celestia pointed out.

“But he said he would try to massage all of us! He promised!”

“Celly, your sister is a psycho,” I was now wrapped in a ‘loving lunar love from Luna hug’ as Luna started giving me reasons to not take her massage away. Button had vacated my head in the process and now was sitting on Celly’s back while I was desperately trying to break free from my in-law’s vice-like loving hug.

Everypony started funneling into the dining hall that we were going to be using for all the festivities of dinner tonight. The dining hall was dressed up in various things, a Hearth’s Warming tree was in the corner, a huge one that almost touched the ceiling of the room, with presents littered underneath it, boxes covered in reds and blues and yellows and greens. The crusaders were running around, sadly they couldn’t bring Dinky along, since this was a dinner for the Elements of Harmony Bearer’s families. So I couldn’t somehow get a message out to Trixie, or invite anypony else to it.

I wanted to finally, and actually, talk to Derpy, Dinky’s mother. Apparently everypony around Ponyville loves Derpy, despite her clumsiness may or may not be a little destructive.

Everypony was seated around the room, at various tables placed throughout the rooms. Most of the parents of the Bearers were chatting, since go figure, most of them lived in Ponyville and happily got along; it was like talking to that one neighbor you actually would invite over for dinner. The Bearers were happily spending time with their parents and family, especially Twilight due to both of her parents obviously being from Canterlot. Cadance and Shiny were here, Cadance was snuggled up under Luna’s wing while the two were seemingly geeking out over a Daring Do book, something that surprised me; Luna didn’t seem like the mare that would enjoy such a simple book.

Shining was currently noogying Twilight, much to his sister’s chagrin of being babied in front of all her friends. Fluttershy’s brother, I didn’t know she had one, looked like one of the most sad looking ponies I’ve ever seen. Skinny, tall, and was lazing about in the corner of the room after removing some of the decorations in that corner so he could ‘have somewhere comfy to lay down’. His eyes were also locked on Rainbow’s backside while she was simply laying down and animatedly chatting with Apple Jack.

I was fortunate in the fact that I… was also just sitting in my own corner of the room. Celly was chatting with Twilight Velvet, Twilight’s mother, Button was being distracted by his little friends. Everypony else was off enjoying themselves, and… I couldn’t find it in myself to actually enjoy what was happening. Sure, there was a bit of pride when Apple Jack decided to sample some nachos that I made, and proceeded to snatch a decent chunk of them for herself. I was… just an observer. Really, an outsider.

It felt bad to say, but I kinda just showed up one day and inserted myself into everypony’s life. I’m sure everypony would be just a little better off if I never showed up… save Button, growing up in an orphanage is not good for your mental health. I would give anything to be able to introduce Celly to my Mum, or to see my sister squeal and subsequently pull Luna into a loving hug. I hummed, before shaking those thoughts away. I should probably just quit being a sad, little bitch and go enjoy the dinner.

I would’ve if a pink blur didn’t land beside me.

“Hey, Source, what’s with the sad look on your face? You should be happy!” Pinkie said, wrapping me in a hug.

“I’m just having an episode, Pinks, trust me, I was just about to get up and go kiss Celly under some mistletoe…” I chuckled. “I was remembering what I’ve lost with my…”

“Not so sudden appearance here?” Pinkie asked. I nodded. “Well… I did some research and realized that you only really started existing in Equestria around the start of this year, and you said some weird things and had a weird dictionary. Obviously the look of hurt in your eyes when Rarity mentioned your siblings means that…” Pinkie looked left and right. “Another world. With that said, go, go enjoy the party, Source. I know, I know what leaving your family behind feels like.” I looked around to note that none of Pinkie’s relatives were spread around the room. Pinkie soon adopted a very serious look on her face.

“Go be happy, Source. There’s a reason why I spend so much energy on trying to make everypony smile, after all. Just smile, go kiss your marefriend, and have some whisky; I know that’ll raise your mood a lot!” Her usual Pinkie self smiled brightly when she noticed that I was getting ready to go do just that. “Make sure to open my present, Cody! I’m sure you’ll be super, duper happy about it!” I nodded. Pinkie soon dashed off to the otherside of the room, where Luna was, before promptly snatching her away.

…Pinkie and Luna get along way too well, judging by those mischievous grins.

I meandered around the room, before sneaking up on Celly. “Celly,” I said, levitating the mistletoe over our heads. The mare in question, lacking her regalia, spun around from her conversation with Twilight Sparkle. Not the mother, the Mom was currently showing baby pictures of Shiny off to Rainbow Dash who was laughing her ass off at the poor stallion’s expense. Cadance was also with them, snickering at the picture of Shining Armor with a literal mouthful of dirt because he heard that that’s where plants got their food from once.

“Source! I thought you walked out on dinner, I was trying to find you!” I raised an eyebrow at that.

“You were?”

“Of course. I wanted nothing more than to spend today and tomorrow with my special somepony, I know this holiday… might’ve brought up some unpleasant memories. Button was also hoping you could put on a little show for everypony with your magic…” She looked overhead, when she realized my horn was glowing. “Oh. I thought you were preparing a prank for me.”

“No, I wouldn’t dump ice water on you today of all days. I’d do that during court though on a hot day, that’d be hilarious.” I shook my head. “So, there’s a thing I wanna do with you, Sun Butt,” everypony in hearing distance, that wasn’t one of Twilight’s friends, snapped to me. The Apples didn’t bat an eye either; they were already aware of my relationship to Celly. Twilight Velvet in particular looked shocked at that.

“Now, young colt, that is no way to speak with the princess. Are you perhaps her servant…?”

“Ah, Celly, you didn’t say anything about me?”

“No, we were both embarrassing Twilight with some silly retellings of her misadventures as a filly,” oh, that would explain Twilight’s blush. I teleported a thing of whisky to me before taking a sip. “Source, what are you planning?”

“Remember my homeland?” Celestia nodded. “We have a tradition involving mistletoe on a holiday very similar to Hearth’s Warming… long story short, mistletoe is above both our heads. That means we kiss.” I levitated myself with my own magic, something that shocked the unicorns, that weren’t Rarity, Twilight, or Shining who were used to my bullshit. “So c’mere,” I kissed Celly right on the lips. At first Celly ‘oh’d at my sudden advancement, before giggling and kissing back full throttle(if you know what I mean). We were there for a solid minute, before we pulled apart.

“I think I like that tradition if that is the result of you sharing it with me,” Celly giggled, and… she’s blushing. She took my whisky and took a swig. “I believe the two of us may be busy later tonight… Cadance,” the alicorn was only a few meters away from us, watching with a huge smile on her face. “Would you be a dear and watch Button tonight? I don’t think he would want to be around for some of the things I have planned for my coltfriend.”

“Of course, Auntie!” Cadance said.

We both turned back to Twilight Velvet sputtering while her daughter was rubbing her back and smirking.

“Twilight, you were equally ready to lose your shit after you watched me and Sunny kiss for the first time.”

“I know, but it’s just funny seeing you shock my mom like that. Usually she’s a lot more collected than this.” Night Light was chuckling, watching his wife. I think I know who Celly told who she was dating, Night Light was the only parent present that wasn’t shocked at the sight of Princess Celestia, being called Sun Butt and being kissed in an almost public event like this.

Celly and I ended up sharing that bottle of whisky throughout the dinner, and I ended up showing off a few spells for everypony at Button’s requests… then Celly ended up dragging me off in the middle of one of the spells and out of the dining hall. Up to our bedchambers. We hadn’t even gotten to opening the presents yet! Celly might be a little… excited after drinking enough whisky to get her tipsy. No, she wasn’t exactly drunk, it took way more to get her to that point, but she was clearly a little addled by the booze. I was too, but only because I had three more bottles than Celly did.

Oh my god, Celly owns thigh high stockings, what the fuck. What the actual fuck. Why am I excited?

I guess Hearth’s Warming is gonna be pretty damn awesome!

The Best Night EVER(it wasn't)

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Promptly after Hearth’s Warming Eve, Hearth’s Warming, and subsequent shitshow of weather (tons and tons of snow), December rolled around. Unlike the calendar popularized by the Romans, which is twelve months long, Equestria has ten months. Apparently somepony tried making it twelve months with two months being named after Celestia and Luna, though the guy who proposed the idea was killed by mysterious reasons, or just murder, he was stabbed forty seven times in the chest by a teenage dragon mercenary or something. Anyways, ponies apparently know what Latin is, since all the months have the same names as the ones on earth, even if some of them are actually a bunch of shitty pony puns instead of the original ones. For instance, January is called Prancuary for no reason.

I pointed this out to Celly and she called me bald.

Anywho, the Grand Galloping Gala, something that’s supposed to celebrate the day that Canterlot was finished being constructed, which was the twenty first of December, which didn’t have a pony-version name for it, so it was just December. It’s basically a big, fancy smancy ball that Celly has to host, so we can’t spend the whole thing together… Except Luna agreed to take over the role of greeting guests so that the two of us could dance… Well, she’s trying to convince Sun Butt, because Sun Butt is being stupid, to let her.

“Just let me, sister, did you not buy a nice, fancy dress so that you could smite Source with how beautiful you’d look in it? You stressed over that, and then you choose to stand by the door where you cannot sweep your coltfriend off his hooves and dance. Tonight is the night that you two announce your engagement and wedding day, and you wanted it to be special. So allow me to greet those snobs at the front door.”

“Lulu, you do not understand, I personally invited everypony and-”

“You have a coltfriend that probably would love to dance with you; I’ve made him take dance lessons in order to not embarrass himself.” That was a lie, she was going to sneak away from greeting ponies to take a photo of when I trip on my tail while dancing. "So explain to me, Tia, why you would waste such an opportunity on greeting ponies you don’t like all that much, when you’ve the love of your life right there. One that might be able to stick around longer than your last mates?”

I raised my hoof. “What does that mean?” I asked.

“SHUT UP!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DEAR!”

Celly and Lulu stopped and blushed when they realized what they just did, and went back to yelling at each other. I slowly lowered my hoof to the ground and kept sitting like a stupid little puppy watching its owners, who are dating but aren’t married, argue over something stupid. Except it was two siblings calling each other age appropriate things like ‘doodoo head’ and ‘shit for brains’ or ‘horse’ which is a slur by the way. I just need to point that out, because it was happening in the middle of the Gala Ballroom, the ballroom specifically only ever used for the Gala, in the middle of preparations. So a bunch of the work crew and palace staff responsible for setting up the Gala were just sitting there, watching their princesses call each other slurs because Celly won’t just agree to letting Luna do one of her duties.

I ended up zoning out for a good five minutes until. “WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR COLTFRIEND IF HE WANTS TO DANCE WITH YOU!?” Luna shouted, bringing me out of my trance of looking around the room and snickering at all the ponies’ jaws on the floor, that remained there because this whole thing had been going on for thirty minutes.

“FINE!” Celestia stomped over to me, nuzzled me, and whispered. “Sorry about telling you to ‘shut the fuck up’, but Lulu and I are having a disagreement, as siblings usually do. Would you like to dance with me at the Gala?” Celly forgot that most siblings don’t both drop into the Canterlot Royal Voice while arguing with each other. The whole city could hear them argue.

“Yeah. It’s going to be one of the first balls I actually get to attend with you, and I’ll get to show you the wedding bracelets I bought for us, with some financial help from your sister. Then when the night is said and done, we help each other out of our respective suit and dress, and get… a little funky. If you know what I mean,” I bobbed my eyebrows.

“I do…” Celestia giggled. “Though I heard from my sources that you like a mare who can dress in a nice suit, so I believe the two of us will be helping each other out of our suits when the Gala is over. Again, sorry for yelling at you, Source. Allow me to go call my sister just one more slur, and we’ll go grab Button and drop him off at Apple Jack’s place so he can at least have a sleepover with his friends during the Gala. Then you can see me in my suit, does that sound fair?”

“...If I get to see you in a suit, hell yeah it does. Gala’s tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. It’s why Luna chose to argue with me now instead of tomorrow, since…" She looked around the room. “We’ve both said unladylike things. So I believe that these little ponies will be mentally broken, as you would say, for a little while." Celly went over, whispered something probably racist into her sister’s ear, and Luna did a cute little hoof pump; she wanted more royal duties and it would be for her sister’s benefit this time. So… Yeah, I guess I owe Luna some whisky later for making it happen.

“I owe you whisky,” Luna said, before teleporting away. Nevermind on giving her whisky then.

Shortly after that, Celestia came back with Button on her back, who was wearing the cute little saddlebags, and the fedora from his Nightmare Night costume. He waved at me before hopping off Celly’s back, much to her dismay; she loved carrying Button around, but Button also liked riding around on my head. My son climbed up onto my neck and rested his cheek on the back of my skull, and let out a cute little, long sigh.

“Heya kiddo, ready to go spend the next couple of days, and several nights with your friends in Ponyville?”

“Yeah Dad. Why can’t I go to the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“I’ll let you go when you’re older; if they knew you were my kid, and I was marrying Celly sometime next year, then a bunch of old farts would be introducing their daughters, most of which are probably rabid, to you. I know you’ve got your sights set on Sweetie Belle, so when you two are older, you can invite her along to the Gala as your plus one, eh? Bet she’d love that.”

“How much older is ‘when you’re older’ for this, Dad? You said that when I asked to try whisky.”

“Around when you’re twelve, so give it three years, Button. I bet you’d love to see Sweetie Belle in a dress, eh?”

“...Dad, I can smack you in the back of the head from here. Don’t make me do it; you’re broken.”

“Can’t an old man tease his son about his fillyfriend?”

Thwack.

“Hey now, I just think it’s cute.” I argued. I barely felt the smack, but it was just hard enough for me to notice.

“Dad.”

“Alright, I’ll tease you and Sweetie Belle when we drop you off. Sounds good?”

“...I hate you,” Button said. Him nuzzling into my mane says he means the opposite, so I let that slide. I love my kid too much, and my kid apparently adores me if that Nightmare Night costume is anything to go by… Sweetie Belle apparently said she liked it when Button wore a fedora, and I called him adorable in it… Oh my fucking god, he’s trying to appease is ‘fillyfriend’. They’re too young to actually be dating, but they basically are ‘dating’ in my eyes. It’s more like a middle school dating thing than a full blown dating thing.

Though from what I hear, most of the married couples I meet were either childhood sweethearts, or met shortly after becoming adults.

We hopped off the chariot about twenty minutes later, just outside of Sweet Apple Acres. We were just in time to see… Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, being escorted by Rainbow Dash and Rarity. In their saddlebags were… oh hey, they actually kept my gifts from Hearth’s Warming! As in the copies of where the Red Fern Grows. I happily trotted up and greeted them, Button was still firmly on my back until the fillies caught sight of him. The three foals happily greeted each other, and started running ahead, past Celly who was walking off to say ‘hello’ to Granny Smith. I fell in line with Rainbow and Rarity as we started trotting along. Despite Rainbow looking like she wanted to go faster…

“Hey Rainbow, you wanted to dart off after those kids, didn’t ya?” I asked.

“I did… but you kind of… accidentally taught me something important. You… you seem to take your time with things for some reason, save for adopting Button or falling in love with Princess Celestia. I figured… sometimes taking things slow isn’t too bad most of the time. You were singing to yourself during the Running of the Leaves, something about stopping and smelling the roses. It was… nice, honestly. And taking the time to watch Squirt,” Rainbow jerked her head forward to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle pinning Button down and tickling the crap out of him. “Be a foal, like the little sister I wish I had, it’s nice.”

“That… is the most ‘sappy’ thing I’ve ever heard from Rainbow Dash,” Rarity mused. “Almost…” Rarity smirked when Rainbow inevitably yelled ‘shut up Rarity’.

“Wait, shit. You heard me sing,” I said, looking a little panicked. “Well, I guess I’ll have to kill you, Dashie. That’s a shame, you are pretty cool bro material, not gonna lie. But then you had to hear me sing… shit, AJ heard me too, guess I’m gonna have to kill her as well. I’m sure the foals would understand.”

“Wait a second, deary,” Rarity said, stepping in my tracks. “You… can sing?” Rarity asked. “Sweet Celestia, Source. I know you had a hoof in some of the snacks during Hearth’s Warming that were simply marvelous, you are beyond talented with magic, and you can sing? You must show me and the rest of the girls at the Gala tomorrow night.”

“No… I do like singing, but… I only do it on special occasions. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo’s heard me sing; they’ll tell you that I was perfectly okay at it.”

“I don’t know much about singing, or music in general,” Rainbow Dash chimed in. “But I would say you were more than okay at it.”

“Eh, I’m more of a magician than a singer or a cook. I just picked up those two things from me Dad and my Mum; Dad was a cook ‘til he passed away, and Ma’ forced me into… a choir group until my pa passed away. I can do both, but… They don’t really scream at me the way magic does. I just… try my best in those other two things, and hope the results aren’t terrible.” I yawned. “Fuck, waking up to Celly being gone, only to hear her yell, no scream at Luna about greeting ponies at six in the morning sure does wonders to ya, lemme tell you…”

We reached the door, and Granny Smith demanded a hug, which I was more than happy with giving, before she resumed her conversation with Celly. A quick few goodbyes to my son, along with AJ being dragged off to read to them before they end up going to sleep, and me and Celly were heading back to Canterlot within thirty minutes of us initially landing in Ponyville.

The next day, I was testing something out, namely trying to perform magic without my horn. You see, I got done early, getting ready for The Grand Galloping Gala that is. I wanted to make sure I had an out in case I couldn’t use my horn for one reason or another. Since griffins seem dead set on trying to kidnap me, I figured it would be best to have a backup plan or two. For starters, I’ve been learning how to use a dagger without the use of my horn recently in the guard training exercises I usually partake in. However, a dagger ain't gonna do much when my foes have natural knives on their forelegs.

Having my magic, even if it’s weaker, is important to me no matter the situation…

I’m becoming too reliant on magic, man.

Anyways, I’ve learnt that I can technically do magic with a bit, it’s just not a very good idea. Most of the spells casted with a bit seem to be a lot weaker and you can only do basic stuff like levitation. So if I had to fight my way out, whoopie! I’m fucked! Luckily, magic prohibiting rings are a unicorn invention and are usually only kept by ponies; those were never particularly widespread and require a series of spells that stops magic from escaping the horn… and needs a unicorn to be able to recharge those spells and inscriptions… In other words, griffins shouldn’t have those on standby.

If they do, you can still use magic to remove the prohibiting ring. Since the rings usually, and only check if the pony wearing the ring is trying to remove it with their own hooves, not if they’re using their magic to remove it, and understandably so. Eitherway, it’s a design flaw that I am going to tell Celly about… after I make use of it. Because if I get kidnapped, I don’t want somepony patching that out of magic prohibiting rings and fucking me over in the long run. Most unicorns can’t even cast spells without their horns, and bits… are horrible staffs.

Yes, actual staffs for spell casting exist, and are almost as good as a unicorn horn and can be used by earth ponies and pegasi, they just fell out of practice after the tribes united. Technically gold or silver are really good for unicorn horn alternatives, and if a unicorn’s horn is snapped off, assuming they don’t die from that happening, gold and steel can be used as a prosthetic horn of sorts. A bit is made out of gold, but not a lot of it, so it’s just a really shitty staff if anypony knows what they are doing with it.

I barely know what I’m doing with it, but hey, Python works with it.

Anyways, I was told by a guard, who was relaying a message from Celly, that I was to go fuck off to the castle’s front door. As it turned out, it was taking my marefriend a little too long to get changed into her gala suit, since I don’t think she’s worn a proper suit before. Anyways, I DragonFired to the front entrance of the castle, where nobles were… Why the heck is everyone singing? I paused as Twilight and her friends started rolling up while singing, a highly, highly orchestral piece played. Fluttershy really wanted to meet all the assholes in the gardens, also known as the castle’s ‘pets’. Wowzers. Apple Jack’s gonna try to sell a bunch of apple treats. While I do respect the hustle, most of the food at the Gala is not only going to be a lot cheaper than the Apples’ typical pricing, at an equal or an arguably higher quality, but also most of the food’s proceeds go to charity. I get that Granny Smith needs a new hip, and the Apple Family could upgrade their barn, but I don’t think AJ’s gonna be super successful tonight.

Sadly. I would go warn her, but like, it feels like something is trying to make me sing too.

Rarity’s gonna try and sleep with a noble… you poor woman, you do not want to sleep with any of the nobles. I guess she can look just as regal as an alicorn when she’s trying, but the problem with that is… nobles are going to tear into that poor mare. Mmm, I really wish whatever the fuck is making this music play wasn’t keeping me from speaking, instead, it forced me into a choir that was going on about how wonderful the Gala was. Holy hell, Rainbow Dash’s part is cool, but just as delusional.

Needless to say, Twilight and her friends were probably going to be rudely awaken to how shite this party is gonna be-

“At the Gala!” WHY AM I SINGING!?

“With the princess!” I DO NOT WANT TO SING THIS.

“The two of us will dance!” I teleported a bottle of whisky to myself and downed it to keep me from singing.

Then I ended up singing the Rocky Road to Dublin again and ruined the song. I took several, long deep breaths after emptying the bottle. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” I shouted.

“What was what, dear?” Rarity asked, walking up to me. Great, nobody’s acknowledging the highschool musical- I take that back, what just played was a lot better than anything highschool musical has in its soundtrack, but my point stands. Nobody’s acknowledging what just happened. Besides the glares that some of the ponies were giving me for ruining the song with my Irish, drunk arse.

“...Forget it. I’m just going to go inside; I’ve got a fast pass because Celly decided that she wanted to do a big reveal with her dress, since tonight’s going to be pretty important to us both.”

“Oh, well, do not let me stop you, darling. Go right ahead! The rest of the girls also have ‘fast passes’ so we can skip the line too. I’ll try to meet you again tonight, hopefully in the hooves of my brand new coltfriend!” I waved at her before walking past the line, up to where Luna had… decided to wear a dress that looked like something Celly would wear. On the front of her chest was a golden medallion in the shape of the Sun that held the dress together. The collar of the dress was short, white, and only went up to cover the base of her neck. From there, it was mostly just a light blue dress that hugged her barrel, but had slits in it so it wouldn’t be pressing her wings against her sides in an uncomfortable manner. It spreaded out into a light green skirt that covered up her rear end, and draped down over her tail in a lighter shade of blue than the ‘tube’ of the dress.

Luna was pretty.

“Good evening, Lulu,” I bowed.

"Good evening, Cody,” Luna nodded. “Yes, Pinkie gave me that nickname so I can tease you in public.”

“Good luck with that, I like that nickname. Super close to… what my name once was, y’know?” I chuckled. “Lookin’ good Lulu. Trying to ensnare a poor stallion, or mare, tonight?”

“Hopefully; I do wish to find another mate at some point. I must say, you look rather dashing in your suit.” It was the one that Rarity had made for me many a while ago. It’s, in my opinion, just a simple, black suit. It obviously had a few details, like the cuffs having buttons in them that had ones and zeroes to match my cutie mark, the necktie was a pleasant yellow, and the breast pocket actually had a Sun patch sewed into it to let everypony know who owns this stupid stallion.

“I try my best on important nights. Any clue what Celly’s suit’s gonna look like? All she told me was that she was going to wear a suit, and that was it.”

“I do; we both picked it out, and I have seen her in it. I will say, you will probably love what you see, whether she was in her birthday suit, her regalia, a dress, or a suit like she will be wearing tonight. All I can say is I thought she was beautiful, and you will probably find her drop dead gorgeous. So go, enjoy your night and don’t spend too long around the nobles…” She leaned in. “I saw you drink whisky to interrupt the Harmony Magic; go annoy a noble while you’re drunk and I will give you a very, very loving hug later.”

SHE ACKNOWLEDGED WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MUSCIAL NUMBER WAS! THANK THE LORD!

…

I needed more whisky, but I ran out after that last bottle.

“I only had one bottle; that ain’t enough to get this guy drunk, Luna.”

“Oh, phewy, I forgot about how unreasonably tolerant you are of alcohol. Go enjoy your night, Celestia will be down at the Gala once she is ready in… the next hour and a half. Unfortunately for Twilight’s goals at the Gala tonight. Go hide somewhere, give Twilight an hour with her teacher, and then you can make a toast later and announce that you and Tia are engaged.” Luna nuzzled me. “Go unleash your accent on a noble, actually. That will break their brain.” Good point, Luna. Will do since I can’t get drunk anymore… Damn stupid song, making me waste the whisky. You’re lucky that I liked the song, harmony magic, until I started having to sing my own verse.

So it turned out that… I was popular. Lo and behold, the nobles spread rumours, and because I occasionally come into daycourt to help Celly out, as miniscule my help is, while under her wing, or me being seen in public with Princess Luna, or the dozens of news headlines talking about how close I was with the Royal Pony Sisters’ from me calling Luna nicknames in public, to mine and Celly’s first ‘date’ where she kissed me in front of a bunch of patrons in a cafe. Add on that I was the princess(es) rumoured plaything, dunno how since I’ve only ever been seen kissing one of the princesses in public.

Anyways, I was surrounded by nobles on all sides of a little, circular table I had taken refuge at. “So, Code, can I call you Code?” one of the nobles sat around it, wrapped a foreleg around me and pulled me close to him. He’s a unicorn, a rather boring coloration. Brown fur, darker brown mane and tail. He has a monocle, a top hat, and a stupidly tacky looking, black suit. “You’ve been rather quiet, surely a stallion of your… stature, has some interesting tales!” I was the shortest pony here, I am literally a midget.

“I don’t like talking about myself much. What is there to tell?” I almost started saying I take care of my son, but I don’t want this sick fuck sicking his daughters, if they exist, on Button while he’s out and about on the streets when he gets older.

“Well, there are rumours that you are getting awful… cosy with the princesses,” the noble, who I am going to call Billy until I can remember his name, said with a smile. “I’m sure you have a tail with such a track record. Two alicorns?”

“I’m only dating Princess Celestia. Not both. Luna’s more like an older, or younger, sibling depending on how we’re both feeling at any particular moment while we hang out.” I sighed. I wanted to go get an apple pie from Apple Jack. Fuck it, fuck these guys. I got up.

“Where are you going, Code?”

“Stop calling me Code, please.” I said. “I’m getting something to snack on; I’ve not eaten anything since breakfast and it’s nearing eleven thirty.”

“Oh, of course! Mind if we walk with you?” This new noble was a mare that was trying to get under my pants. God damn gold diggers; I don’t even have money! Celly does and sometimes lets me use her personal funds on whisky… Okay, that’s a lie, I have free reign of her personal funds, but I don’t like using them. Everypony here is just trying to gain favours. I quickly found Apple Jack, and sighed in relief, and she looked excited when she saw me, despite the clear lack of business she was having.

The group of nobles were still tailing me.

“Howdy dere, Source. How’re you enjoying the Gala?”

I think the alcohol I had, you know the whole fucking liter, was starting to make me a little tipsy, just a little. My accent was nice and loose as I spoke. “Eh, it’s been better. I’m glad to finally speak to a pony with their head out of their ass. How much for an apple log?” That was the apple pie thing I suggested AJ and her family makes. Just think of a Maccers apple pie but with crack in it.

“You don’t gotta pay, Source. Again, we Apples don’t charge family friends.”

“And you haven’t seen a lot of business. Here,” I pulled a bag of bits out, something Celly gives me once a month, it’s like five hundred bits or something, and gave it to her. It’s enough to buy half the amount of land that Sweet Apple Acres was sitting on. More like a quarter, or something, I just knew it was a lot. “Take that, and give me an apple log whenever I stop by; I’ll be stopping by a lot, maybe with Celly since she’s been craving one of those things ever since I recreated a shitty version of your recipe for her. She wants genuine Apple Family Quality food, not my meager attempts at cooking.” Apple Jack was just looking in the bag with her jaws slacked.

“Uh… alright, Source. How many are you taking this time around?”

“Gimme two logs, please. Half the food here is ass,” I had a weird cucumber thing and it tasted like somebody filled it with shite and called it food. I know the proceeds go to charity, but those five hundred bits I get from Celly every month ends up being used on a bottle of whisky, or four, and then given to charity. I’m a simple man, give me booze, a loving lass to snuggle with every night, and the cutest little colt that makes for the best son that I could ever ask for… and what more could I want?

I can engage in my hobbies, namely spell (system) development, as I please and have a simple job in teaching foals what I make. Apple Jack’s family could genuinely use the bits; it’s the cold season and they don’t make as many bits during this season, and often ride off the high of the initial bulk sales of apples after harvest to carry them throughout the winter. Apple’s family was stupidly rich, but most of their money was being used to keep the farm running before they could harvest their crops and sell’em in various forms.

“Well, here you go, Source,” Apple Jack handed me two logs that I happily took in my magic. One bite made my eyes widen.

“I swear, this has to be crack in your food, AJ. There is no reason why y’all are so damn good at cooking.” Remember what I said about Gala food being almost as good, or better than AJ’s cooking? Yeah, no, that’s not true in my brain anymore. My stupid rich ‘friends’ saw what I was doing, and immediately stormed AJ, paid her bits and got some sort of apple treat. After each one took a bite, their eyes widened, before doing their best to scarf down the treats while not looking like anything less than a regal pony.

Apple Jack’s face was now smiling brightly as her jar for bits was being filled up so quickly that she needed another jar.

“Say AJ, you got any cider? Like that good, good shit. Not the non-alcoholic stuff you sell on cider day-” I was given a whole bottle of extra strong, alcoholic cider. I open my mouth to argue about paying for it. I was given the stink eye because Jack knew what I was about to say and she wasn’t having any of it. I shrugged and walked deeper back into the ballroom where I found a stallion that was generous, seeing as he was barely as old as I was. He just looked awkward and out of place; I could tell he was probably some rich dude’s kid that got forced into coming to the Gala.

Bright orange coat, black suit, red and yellow mane and tail. He looked fucking cool.

Given that I am biologically nineteen or twenty, this guy was young.

“Howdy,” I said, walking up to him. I still had my second apple log. “Hating the Gala?”

“Yeah… Mother dragged me here, since she knew I didn’t have a marefriend yet, and figured she could get me hooked up with one of her friends’ fillies. I hate parties; I would much rather be at home!” The stallion looked around, before looking back at me. “Why’d you come to me?”

“We’re ‘round the same age-”

“I’m straight.”

“So am I,” I gestured to where Celly just walked in before my jaw hit the damn floor. She’s wearing a suit. She’s wearing a sleek, black suit, an Irish Cap that she had to have made for the outfit. She had a white undershirt under the suit and a very, very nice little bowtie with the sun emblemized in the button. I am going to fuck her so damn hard after the Gala, I swear to god. I stared before chuckling. I guess my new friend was staring slack jawed. Twilight was with her happily soaking in being able to hangout with her teacher and second mother. Twilight glanced in my direction, waved, and kept on going. I even saw Celly glance my way. I just gestured for her to just give Twilight the time; she was looking forward to it.

In the corner of my eye, I could see Shining and Cadance going at it. No, not sex, they were just enjoying a slow dance.

“Oh fuck, I am the luckiest stallion in the world…” I whispered. My new friend heard me, unfortunately.

“YOU’RE THE STALLION THOSE RUMOURS ARE ABOUT?!” He whispered-shouted.

“Eeyup.”

“Dear Celestia… How’d you score her?”

“Fuck if I know, my man. If I knew, I’d tell you.”

“Dude… You lucky son of an ass.” He chuckled. “I’m Fabled Tale, by the way. I can safely assume that you’re Source Code?”

“Damn, the rumours even mention my name.” I nodded. “You aren’t jumping to get favours?”

“I don’t care about that stuff, dude. I just wanna stay home and work on my creative writing. Besides, you’re not making a huge deal out of you dating the princess, so I won’t make a big deal. You clearly don’t want to draw more attention to yourself than necessary.” I like this guy.

“Mmm, you say you write?” He nodded. “Bring any of what you wrote?”

“...No. Why?” I hummed and tilted my head.

“Can I use a diagnostic spell on you? I could probably pick up where your house is with your magical signature, and then find your room, and by extension what you wrote. In other words, I can teleport your work to you.”

“Uh… It won’t hurt, will it?”

“It’s experimental stuff that I’ve never been able to test, but it shouldn’t hurt.”

“Go for it,” Tale nodded. I ran the diagnostic spell and quickly found his magical signature, which was really easy to do because he’s a unicorn; I doubt it would work as easily on a pegasus or an earth pony. My brain started quickly running through where that specific signature was… Then I found a big mansion, then I found a room, and then I found the desk Tale sits at. It took me a minute, but I did it. The scroll teleported to me… I handed it to him.

“Holy buck… that is terrifying that you can do that.” Tales mirked. “And really cool.”

“I asked for permission for a reason, my man. You're cool with letting me read what’s on that scroll?” He nodded and handed it to me. Huh, it’s… almost like a very basic version of Star Wars, where pegasi and earth ponies can use magic without horns or staffs and fight with magical swords. I hummed, it was only the first chapter, and clearly a first draft, but… It sounded so damn cool. Something about unicorns being extinct, but thanks to interbreeding a long time ago, a select few pegasi and earth ponies could use magic with their hooves.

“Hey, make the bad guy the main character’s dad if you ever get around to finishing writing this. Do it in a triology format.”

“...That does sound like a fun idea… I was toying with the idea, honestly. Does it sound cool?”

“Yeah, it is a really good idea. Go with it.”

“Alright then,” Tale and I ended up sitting at a table together and chatting for a while. Luna found me.

“Source, I believe that hour you gave to Twilight is up, and slow dancing is about to start… Who is this?”

“This is Fabled Tale, we’ve just been sitting here and I was shooting ideas for stories for him to write; I gave him some parchment and he’s got the third chapter’s draft done. It’s awesome.” I was obviously just helping him rewrite actual Star Wars, but actually ponified, while letting him use his own ideas. The magic system he had sounded a lot cooler than the Force, along with seemingly really good research on standard magic that most ponies used, and chaos magic that he might or might not have painted as a black and white of good and evil. While my own knowledge of magic said there was no good or evil in magic, it was clearly a creative endeavour that I was all for supporting.” The stallion beside me was engrossed in the third chapter, he was adding notes and stuff that would be used for making the ‘finalised version’.

Then he looked up and saw Luna. “Holy smokes you’re beautiful…” he whispered. Luna’s ears shot up, and Tale realised who he had said that to.

“I-I’m Sorry your high-highness for-”

“Think nothing of it, young stallion. We appreciate thy compliments. May we see what thou are writing?”

“Uh…” He looked back at me. I nodded, and I nodded to Lulu before finding Celly. I turned my back and I immediately just saw Luna gushing over Tale’s work like the little geek she was. I think her own inputs with her knowledge in dark magic would be good. I turned around and looked back again… Luna was draping a wing over the stallion while he wrote while seemingly giving her own two cents that Tale was taking in stride and adding notes as he was probably working on a fourth chapter now. I smiled and headed to find Celly.

I saw Blueblood, he saw me. He excused himself from his date to probably go use the restroom… He was never seen in the Gala after that. At least he just started trying to stay away from where I was throughout the Gala.

I found Celestia at a snack table, eating a piece of cake. It is, or was, a chocolate cake with what looked like bits of cookies and cream topping it. She quickly saw me, unhinged her jaw and ate the rest of the slice while nopony was looking and happily pranced up to me in the most adorable way possible, whether she meant to or not. She nuzzled me, because I saw her again and remembered that she was wearing a very nice, kinda fancy suit that was actually really fancy. And also hugging her body in just the right way to show off her curves, muscles, and you could probably somehow see a six pack if you managed to get underneath Celly and look at her abs…

Ponies have abs, right? I dunno, I failed biology class and that was for humans, so I don’t think I know pony biology beyond that they have fur and four legs.

“Good evening, my little pony, are you enjoying the Gala?” She asked teasingly.

“I…” I cleared my throat. “I think I am. Especially if I get to see quite the view from one of the many balconies that we mere ponies have been given access to,” I said looking up and down Celly. I motioned her down, and she lowered that long, glorious neck of hers. I planted a kiss on her nose, before she grabbed my collar with her own magic and started kissing each other. Celly and I held each other before we whispered to each other.

“Are you ready to announce our engagement?” Celestia asked. “If you say yes, there is no going back; you cannot truly live a normal life, nobles will bother you constantly. I still will not enforce royal duties upon you. I’ve never done such a thing to any of my lovers unless they wanted it. While your input certainly is… unique, it is helpful whenever you do give your input. It’s just that I know that politics, smiling and waving, and all that sort of stuff isn’t on the forefront of your mind.”

“Mmm… You could give me some duties from time to time. I’m sure I could run day court reasonably well if I get nothing but small issues, and pass the bigger, more important stuff to you. If you need a day off, put everything off, lemme run day court, and anything that I couldn’t resolve during it, I’ll let you know about it. With that said… yeah, let’s get it over with.” We both jumped when we heard Pinkie Pie started… singing. It was a stupid song, a really, really stupid song. It was very akinned to something you’d sing to a child.

“Did… you arrange that?” I asked, looking at Celly.

“There is a… reason I invited Twilight and her friends. The Gala is usually rather boring,” Celestia hummed. “I was hoping that her friends could… liven it up just a smidge.”

“Fair enough. Though none of the nobles are really… enjoying Pinkie’s efforts to make it more fun. I love Pinkie, a fun mare, but like…” We both turned to see Blueblood near the front entrance. Rarity, who was nearby and talking to a stallion around her age… Ah, she was genuinely enjoying herself… Pinkie just launched a cake at Blueblood on accident. Blueblood, being the shining example of a gentlecolt, snagged Rarity and used her as a literal meat shield for a cake. Something about getting groomed again.

Rarity’s apparent date started yelling at him while Rarity herself shook herself off while growling, flinging cake all over the fucker. A statue promptly started falling… Shit, that’s gonna fall on Luna and Tale were sitting. Tale quickly noticed, Luna did as well.

“WATCH OUT, PRINCESS!” Luna eeped when she was picked up by Tale’’s magic, and tossed away. Luna reacted quickly, snagging him with her own magic to move him out the way… She looks like she wants to drag that stallion to bed, by the look of things. After Luna had Tale secured, she spun around to try and stop the statue from falling, only for a rainbow coloured blur to slam into the statue and catch it on her back. The fact that she caught it was pretty cool.

“...Celly, that’s a little more than livening up the Gala,” I mentioned. Rainbow started stumbling with the statue into… a nearby pillar.

“...In all fairness, I did not expect my nephew to use poor Rarity as a meat shield.” Our eyes slowly drifted to Blueblood, who was being held down by Rarity’s date, while Rarity started beating the ever living shit out of him with her hooves. Thank god Rarity doesn’t carry around a sewing kit, or Blueblood would definitely have his head cut off and sewed onto his ass. We watched as the pillar that Rainbow accidentally slammed a statue into broke and, like a giant set of dominoes, started knocking over the rest of the pillars.

“LOOK OUT, TIA!” I used DragonFire on Celly and sent her over to where Luna and Tale were, as it looked far, far away from the incoming collapse of the ceiling. I quickly teleported to them right after, where Celly was laying on her stomach, somewhat dazed. The doors into the gardens broke open.

“YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME!” Oh, that’s an angry fluttershy. I think… I think I’m not going to bother with calming her down, she’s fucking scarier than Celly is when she’s pissed. The four of us just sat there, staring at the incoming chaos…

HAH! A bird shat on Blueblood’s face… oh, Rarity does carry a sewing needle, apparently; one’s sticking out of his arse. She… ended up sewing a… wow, I did not think Rarity would sew a crude, fabric made, dick onto his ass, but she did.

“We’re going to have to send out so many apologies,” Luna shook her head. Celly slowly turned to her little sister. “What? Source gave me a programmable illusion crystal, so I recorded myself saying ‘hello’ and left it after I welcomed him into the Gala. I wanted to watch the carnage that was Twilight’s friends being let loose in a ballroom full of nobles.” Celestia shrugged, probably agreeing to enjoying the incoming chaos.

“...So much for us announcing that we’re a couple?”

Cadance and Shining started walking towards us. “I told the guards to escort everpony out of here,” Shining reported.

“Good,” Celestia nodded. “Well, I suppose that sounds like we should all call it a night, and issue the apologies for the gala being ‘ruined’ in the morning?”

“Sister, it is my rule during the night, and I fully agree with your sentiment. On with it.” Luna turned her gaze onto Tale, who was currently probing her with his nose to see if she was alright. Cadance simply nodded, and… Tale doesn’t even know what he just did. Luna’s a capable mare, but a princess loves a knight in shining armor, or just some nerd that tried to save her. Heck, he doesn’t even seem to realize that he is constantly nosing and nuzzling Luna’s body. Oh my god, that's actually really cute. Lulu just watched fondly as the little nerd finished up his check over of her, before he eventually removed his nose from his shoulder.

“You aren’t too hurt, princess?” He asked.

“I am fine. Are you injured? I know I grabbed you a little quickly,” Luna started nosing him.

“I’m fine; I saved my rough drafts for Chaos Wars, at least, even if I am a little bruised.” He slowly realised what he just did. “Sorry for touching you so much, your highness.

“Just call me Luna,” she winked at me, before mouthing ‘thank you’.

The next day, Blueblood was in the hospital for eighteen broken ribs, basically all of them were broken, a broken leg, a cracked skull, a broken nose, and the… nice symbol that Rarity used to replace his cutie mark, with the original being found sewed to a hedge somewhere in the Everfree Forest fourteen miles away... Unfortunately, Celly went out to get a friendship lesson out of Twilight and her friends last night and was probably still with them, an apology was sent out to everypony that was at the Gala. didn’t get to announce anything… but it seemed like Apple Jack satisfied.

Her booth was fucking loaded with customers after everypony said I went there for a snack. Shit, I only had two apple logs!

Oh yeah, Luna got a coltfriend, a very socially awkward, nerdy coltfriend. So she won at least.

Me? Everypony heard and saw me save Celly from getting crushed. With Luna having a coltfriend, since most mares only choose one stallion(and most herds only revolve around one stallion), it was quickly ruled that I couldn’t possibly be dating both Celly and Lulu. Instead, headlines started ‘confirming’ that I, Source Code, was Celly’s date during the Gala and that we are a couple. In a sense, we did basically announce that we’re dating, so that’s cool.

The problem? I tried to walk through town towards the train station so I could pick Button up from his sleepover. That didn’t end well…

Post Gala Trauma... Oh potatoes!

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After having a nice, long extended bath with Celly, since we were reeking of… fluids. Yeah, we helped each other out of our suits… this is all a family friendly way of saying we fucked, and we fucked each other hard and long. That was a pretty fun night, even if Celly and I got started late into the night. I was given a letter by a third party unicorn institute that was from something called the ‘mage tower’. It was a premiere unicorn school with a ton, ton of different branches. Each branch each specialized in different types of magic, from straight up rituals right down to Runes, to spell development.

The mage tower was essentially the pony equivalent of the Jedi Temple, just not genocided by an edgy teenager. And also more specialized classes depending on what each individual unicorn excelled in, and if a unicorn was good enough, got a personal teacher to constantly have one on one lessons. It was almost like being the star pupil of Celestia, or straight up being able to attend Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.

The high counsel, a set of unicorns, nine old old unicorns that were essentially ‘gandmasters’ of their respective ‘subsystems’ as I’ve been calling it. There were three ‘main’ schools of magic, Hybrid, Runes, and Physical spells, and then there were these subsystems. Because while these three systems were the backbone for a majority of spells, each excelled for different reasons.

Runes were heavily, heavily used in RItuals, a subsystem.

The nine subsystems of magic consisted of:

Rituals. This type of magic was once used to control the day and night. The problem is that it can take a lot of ponies to cast a single ritual spell depending on the magnitude of magic needed to perform it.

Necromancy. Dead people magic, woohoo. It’s not legal.

Portal Magic. What it says on the tin.

Beast Magic. What it says on the tin.

Chi. Inner magic and inner power. Blah, blah blah, inner peace.

Enchantmenting/Enchantments. Also a Rune heavy system, can be used to enchant objects, and is what most ‘buffing’ and ‘debuffing’ spells come from.

Conjuration. Make shit from other shit.

Elemental. A skilled user can easily cause an earthquake. Think of water, fire, earth, and air bending.

Battle magic. Technically not a subskill, but typically taught anyways just in case.

They were hoping to reach out to me for a while now, but never knew how, namely because I never had an official place of residence ever. I was interested in Portal Magic, not gonna lie. If it’s possible, I could find a way to go back home and at least say… No, nevermind, I could end up in the ocean and die. It was still interesting and I wanted to learn it. Apparently it’s rare for a pony to be skilled in all nine subsystems. Even Twilight wasn’t a ‘master’ in any one of these categories even if she was probably proficient in all of them, save for necromancy.

WIth that said, I was proficient in Battle Magic, Enchantments, and had some very, very weak idea of conjuration with my ability to transform body parts on a dime.

Though if I took the time, I could mash all nine systems into Python and not worry about being skilled in each category, even if I wasn’t particularly amazing at magic, my skill set was simply for what I needed. Python just helped make use of what little power I did have to make use of whatever knowledge I’ve got. For instance, I have a light shield, which is really just a diagnostic spell barrier constantly running. It quickly makes a shield if it detects anything getting through it. The shield is usually custom tailored to whatever is trying to break through the light shield. For instance, a weak stun spell gets grounded up, saving the light shield from casting an actual shield.

A stronger spell such as anything Celly throws my way? It teleports me out the way and tells me where the spell came from. From there I decide if I should DragonFire the fuck out of there, or fight back. I’ve learnt my mistake from Shining; the Light Shield more or less keeps me from getting hurt on a basic level. In other words, if I had the Light Shield while fighting Shining, it would’ve teleported me away the moment whatever he used to knock me out got past the Light Shield..

I call it a Light Shield because it doesn’t actually stop anything, it’s just an alarm system.

The main problem is that it doesn’t physically stop anything. You can still punch me and I’ll go down like a sack of potatoes if I don’t regularly enchant my bones to keep me from getting knocked out.

I stared down at the letter as Celly walked out of the bathroom, stole one of my pancakes, and started reading along.

“Why does the Mage Tower wanna talk to me?” I asked.

“Think, Source. You’ll find the answer in time.”

“...It’s because of Python isn’t it?”

“Yes, and now that they know where you live, they are more capable of sending you letters. I believe it would be wise to go humor them after you pick Button up and drop him off. If they knew that you had a child, biological or not, they would hound you into enrolling Button into the Mage Tower, since that would be a foal coming from a very capable unicorn, that’s also receiving some help on his homework from a several thousand year old alicorn.” Celestia hummed.

“Aight. Is it cool if we take a chariot when we go get Button? It would be best suited for making sure nopony in Canterlot knows that he’s my kid. Again, I want him to have a normal life; can’t have that if the nobles are sending him their daughters, magic schools pestering him by the dozens, and all that will happen if the world knows Button’s my son.”

“Of course. Though I believe you have some proficiency in illusions?”

“Uh.. kinda.”

“You can easily disguise the two of you with a simple palette swap of your coats; it’s not hard to do with illusions that simply change the color of an object.” She changed herself to look a lot like a very, very tall Luna with a jet black mane. I looked her up and down, the dark blue coat and black mane… “See?”

“Celly, you should use that guise more often; it’s lovely.” I said. “Or get Luna to do it, I’m sure her new coltfriend would appreciate it; I bet Luna could somehow still keep the star-yness in her mane if she did that.”

“I’m afraid if she does that, her poor coltfriend’s going to mentally die.” Celestia giggled. “Though I suppose I can bust this form out for you every now and then. I wouldn’t be able to do it often if only because the world would be shocked if I stepped out during a speech and looked like Luna…” She grinned. “Oh, that is an excellent idea. I shall do that!” She wrapped her forelegs around my neck before swiping an egg off my plate.

“Hey!” I frowned. “Least it wasn’t my potato-” Celly… TOOK MY DAMN FRIED POTATOES! “Hey! You’ve got a platter over there, you crazy horse!”

“Oh please, you don’t mind it; I know you don’t.”

“Celly, I don’t mind it, just don’t take me taters! Those are mine!” I hissed.

“Are you part thestral? You should not be able to hiss.”

“No, but I am an Irish Man that likes most forms of potatoes. No touchy my spuds, you crazy, loveable bitch.” Celestia sighed, shaking her head with that beautiful smile I’ve grown so used to seeing… Then she took another potato. We both laughed, before she moved over to her seat where… she had the same potatoes she just stole from me! Luckily, Celly made right on her wrongs and slid two taters to me. The doors to our dining hall thumped closed, drawing both of our attention.

Luna let the doors slam shut as she and Tale walked on into the dining room and took a seat. The poor stallion was blushing up a storm, while being tucked under the Princess of the Night’s wings. I dunno if…

“Lulu, you didn’t break your stallion already, did you? It hasn’t even been a full day since you’ve met him.” Celly asked, looking up from her meal. Luna was happily munching away on a banana and some whipped cream that she somehow got ahold of.

“Tale, you good, dude?” I asked.

Tale quickly nodded. “I’m fine! I’m fine!” He chuckled nervously. “I just woke up to quite the start, is all. I was expecting to wake up in my room, not in the same bed as Princess Luna,” Tale cleared his throat. “I mean Luna,” he corrected. “I don’t know how I managed to woo her, or whatever I did last night…”

“I dunno, nerding out over something you’ve made and then promptly ‘saving’ her from getting crushed by a statue might’ve done it for Luna, my man,” I chuckled. “Get used to my weird language if you’re going to be sticking around a while, eh?”

“I can handle that,” Tale nuzzled Luna. “Last night, after y’know, the Gala going to Tartarus, I had a lot of fun. Luna took me out onto her balcony and we went stargazing after I got tired of writing. It was pretty fun… I couldn’t ever see just how nice the night sky was because of all the city lights, but now that I do,” Tale sighed. “It’s really pretty, and Luna was right there to teach me some of the constellations; she even taught me the name of a few planets! I didn’t know what Mars, or Jupiter was, but Luna, with a telescope, helped me see them!”

“And that…” I said before making a whistling noise. “Is also why Luna probably likes you. Enjoying her night sky?”

“Well, if I can’t enjoy the sky, for whatever reason, her mane is nice, very nice looking. It’s just as, if not prettier than the Night Sky. It’s like I’m lost at sea, staring out into the starry abyss, looking for the right star to guide me home… and then it guided me to the prettiest mare that I’ve ever seen!” Tale smiled. “It’s like a dark, cold cave where the ceiling is made of hundreds of thousand little crystals that sparkle and shine, bringing out just how nice and peaceful that dark, cold cave actually is…” He slowly turned to Luna, who was… hiding her face in her wings. “That is more announcing to the world that you woke up to me grooming your thigh while I was still barely awake, by the way.”

Tale giggled. “Dear Celestia,” he whispered. “I have to be the luckiest stallion to walk the globe!” His eyes widened all of a sudden. I think he realized who he said that in front of.

“I see that you’re getting acclimated to dating a princess, eh?” I asked.

“It’s… I never told my mother,” Tale’s eyes shrunk. “Oh dear, she is going to expect so many foals now!”

“I’m all for having as many babies as possible,” Luna said. “When you are ready, we will have many, many fun attempts to have foals, my little writer,” she said rather… huskily. Oh lord. Tale slowly turned bright orange, before falling out of his chair. The three of us laughed, with Luna being the first to catch her breath and immediately check to make sure Tale was still with us. He was, just mentally, Luna implying that they will have sex probably broke his brain for the time being.

“Tia, my stallion’s cuter than yours; a lot easier to embarrass.”

“Mine is more handsome,” Tia said like me, and a slightly recovered Tale weren’t right there. “And I would argue that Source is cuter.” I decided to let the two alicorns have that little argument of comparing mates, before heading on down to the chariot bay to pick up Button from his sleepover.

I hopped off of the chariot just after it landed in Ponyville, I don’t think anypony got home yet, so I wasn’t very surprised when I was greeted by the sight of Big Mac when I stopped by Sweet Apple Acres to pick up my kid. Actually, he met me at the entrance with the rest of the foals, the four of them were sitting under an apple tree. Big Mac was actually reading one of the books that the foals brought, as in that one book that Scootaloo was just hooked on. Winona was being hugged under Apple Bloom’s foreleg, happily enjoying some snuggles from the youngest of the Apples.

Sweetie Belle and Button were snuggled up… Scootaloo’s also snuggled up with them. When the heck did my kid accidentally make both of those foals like him? Scootaloo was half-asleep, clearly she wanted to take a nap, but was being coaxed into staying awake so she wouldn’t miss anything in the book Big Mac was reading to them. Her cheek laid on Button’s, with one of her tiny, little wings draped over the colt while Button rested his chin on Sweetie Belle’s flank. All of them were so engrossed, that they didn’t even notice me circling around the tree and laying beside them.

Well, Big Mac did, he simply nodded to me before continuing in his reading. I DragonFired a message off to my guards telling them to take a load off; I was going to be here for a while.

After Big Mac chose a good stopping spot, much to the Crusaders’ disappointment, Button let out a little yawn, before he looked around and quickly spotted me. He hopped to his hooves, like the cute little brownie that he is, his tail wagged as he saw me. Scootaloo was sent sprawling on the ground with a grunt, who was mostly annoyed about her pillow disappearing, and was perfectly fine. Sweetie Belle didn’t particularly enjoy how Button’s tail was now swatting her nose, but she also didn’t really seem to care that much.

“Hey Dad!” The rest of the foals shot to their hooves, expecting either their sisters, or surrogate sister, to be standing with me. One at a time, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo all promptly said:

“Where’s Rarity?”

“Where’s Apple Jack?”

“Where’s Rainbow Dash?”

“They’re staying in Canterlot and having a bit of a tour with Twilight before they head home. They’ll be back by the afternoon at the earliest, or nightfall by the latest. What? Not excited to see me, you rascals?” I asked. I lifted a hoof up to my chest and pretended to be hurt. “I thought you three loved me!” I couldn’t keep up the act; Button immediately took to nuzzling and licking my face while his tail was wagging. It wasn’t indiscernible to how a dog would’ve greeted me, but I knew by now that this was just a typical greeting that foals gave to their parents, or siblings if their siblings were older. I then noticed… ah, my own tail’s wagging.

I laughed and shot my forelegs forward, grabbed the colt, and pulled him to my chest before rolling on my back while Button laughed.

“Mr. Code,” Sweetie Belle raised her hoof. “Can you spend next week in Ponyville? Ms. Cheerilee would’ve asked you, since there was going to be a little show next week, where each student shows what they’ve learnt from Ms. Cheerilee this year, and… You are my teacher, Dinky's, and Button’s teacher.”

“Hey, I’m down. Don’t even sweat it; I’ll try to be there, kiddo. Mmm… I’m sure you three would love a milkshake at the end of next week?”

“YEAH!” Button and Sweetie chorused. I chuckled, and brohoofed Big Mac.

“Apple Jack didn’t run into some trouble during the Gala, did she?”

“No. I think one of the nobles got a little close to her flanks so she punched them in the face. It was in the newspaper, and it was kinda funny. Some old dude creeps on AJ, AJ kicks the shit out of him. Shame I couldn’t watch it; take a look.” I teleported a copy of Pony Paper Press, a popular paper in Canterlot, to me and showed him the article. He skimmed over me and Celly kissing, Lulu finding a coltfriend, though… Luna expressed interest in a certain earth pony in Ponyville, it was definitely Big Mac, but didn’t give an actual name… Luna’s trying to start her own herd.

I’m not shocked, honestly. Actually, I am. I just don’t acknowledge that Luna is surprisingly outgoing despite being the biggest geek I’ve ever known.

Big Mac snickered, and I think Apple Bloom was trying to get a peek. As it turned out, the noble actually tried sticking his head under AJ’s dress, so she kicked him, not punch him.

“Oh…” I shivered. “I do not want to find out how much it would hurt to get kicked by a mare that kicks trees for a living. Thank god I don’t, and instead find myself getting beaten up by a mare that can raise the Sun.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac snickered… before he saw his face in the paper. Luna was trying to ‘find’ where the big stallion was; she knew where she was, but gave a cash reward for anypony who could find him, and privately shared his location with her… Okay, that part wasn’t real. In fact, that whole thing in the paper was to try and help hide Tale’s identity so nopony would harass him. I snickered before picking up Button. “Well, my man, enjoy yourself while I’m in Canterlot again.” I set Button on my head, and noted…

“Hey bud,” I said, after Button waved to his friends and gave his farewells. “You’re getting heavier,” it wasn’t a lot heavier, but it was noticeable. I met this kid a little before his school's Fall Break, or some time during October, and it was nearing Prancuary.

“Is that a bad thing, Dad?”

“Depends. On one hoof, you’re growing. On the other hoof, you’ll be too big to ride on my head at some point, and will have to ride on my back, and then you’ll get too big to ride on that.”

“...But I like riding on your back, it’s our thing!” Button pointed out.

“I know, and it’s bad news for me, while it’s incredible. You’re growing, and you’re growing fast, kiddo. Soon my little foal won’t need his old man to watch over and baby him…”

“No! Don’t you dare stop babying me when I’m bigger! Just… start babying me in private if you do, please.” I chuckled, pulled him off my head with my magic and gave him a warm, loving nuzzle.

“Kiddo, if I stopped babying my baby, I would be remiss. You say the word, and me and Celly will come and help you out, hug you, anything. I’m only a DragonFire away, after all.” I held him close. “You are my little colt, whether you like it or not, and I will baby you sometimes, in public, to embarrass you, and I will do it because I love you, so, so damn much, Button.” We both remained silent, before I laid him back on my head. “You’re probably the best thing to happen to me, kid. Genuinely. Only tied with Celly in that regard.”

“I think I’m glad I’m the best thing to ever happen to you, Dad.” Button said. “Because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. You and Celestia are so, so nice to me…” he fell asleep on my head. I guess he needed a nap more than either of us realized. I chuckled, getting into the wagon, where my guards were not taking a load off. I raised an eyebrow, and glared at them.

“Guys, y’all coulda grabbed a snack or something.”

“We could’ve sir, but-”

“Go grab yourself a candy bar or something, private. You both lug my fatass around whenever I need a chariot, and I feel bad for it. Go grab a snack, or a drink, and take ten minutes. I ain’t in a rush to get back home; I’ve got all day. Take fifteen minutes to rest, or something, young colt.”

“You sound like my mother,” he grumbled. “Fine… I guess I’ll get myself and Thunder something.” I nodded and waited about thirty minutes before taking off again. My guards weren’t happy, as in they were appreciative of me being worried about them but didn’t enjoy being forced to take a well-deserved break, about the forced break I enforced upon them, but didn’t actually say anything. Eitherway, they got their break, Button was still happily, and adorably, snoring away with an occasional leg twitch, and we were heading home.

“Mommy!” Button ran up to Celly, who was sitting on her throne in the middle of day court. I know I shouldn’t have brought him in, but like, Celly and Button interacting is simply adorable. Button ran up past the petitioner, a mare who couldn’t help but stand aside and smile as my adorable, little colt ran up to the alicorn with a wagging tail. Celly couldn’t hide how excited she is, no, heart-melted. I know that Button tries to not call Tia ‘Mom’, but… He just did. He just did and now, Celly was holding a hoof up to her mouth while she got teary eyed.

I walked up to the petitioner and nodded. “We didn’t interrupt anything too important, did I?”

“No, I just had a minor case, nothing too major. I was just hoping to get a loan to kickstart a shop, your highness,” I blinked when she said that. Celly had long since removed her crown, and had laid him on her head, since she was huge, if you know what I mean, she could easily fit the whole colt in between her ears. I stared blankly at the mare, and she tilted her head.

“Is something wrong?”

“You called me ‘you’re highness?’” I asked. “Why did you call me that, if I may ask.”

“Aren’t you Princess Celestia’s consort?” I nodded. “So…”

“Meh, just call me Source, Code, Source Code, Bitch Boy, whatever you prefer. Anyways, before Celly gets back into Princess Celestia and out of Momlestia Mode, I’ll let you know that if you’re looking for a loan, head on over to Finances, you can say that Princess Celestia sent ya, and you’ll walk out with a loan based on a few things such as your income, if you’ve don’t got any, don’t sweat it, you’ll get a flat rate.” I wrote a little note after I summoned a piece of paper to me. “This should guarantee that you get five months off repaying the loan; think of it as my apology for interrupting your court session.”

“Thank you, your highness,” the mare bowed, and trotted off. Celly and Button were playing patty cake… Well, this was good practice for me, learning how to take care of day court. I called in a few petitioners, all of whom had smaller issues that I was better at taking care of. Financial advice, some just wanted to see Celestia, but then were even more excited to meet her coltfriend, for some reason. Occasionally I would get a genuine issue, like when somepony was getting ‘bought out’ by a rich dickhead that happened to be that somepony’s competition.

As in, the rich dickhead bought the store that the petitioner had owned through illegitimate means and kicked the petitioner out.

That rich asshole now had a battalion of Royal Guards going his way, something that Celly didn’t exactly approve of, but agreed that it solved the issue. The petitioner was set up to be back in his storefront by the end of the week.

“You know,” Celly said, sipping on some tea after calming herself down. Button still laying on top of her head. “You did surprisingly well,” she noted as I was now tucked under her wing. “You could use a little training in the larger issues, but I suppose you passing those onto me if you do not believe you can handle them is acceptable for somepony that isn’t an active politician.”

“I’m a spell developer, a teacher, and a mage, Celly. I don’t trust myself in leading a country for a reason.”

“Which is entirely fair. Thank you for taking over the court for thirty minutes while I got to hold my son,” Button soon found himself being held in his adoptive mother’s wings, and he was more than happy to be in that position.” She hummed. “Perhaps you should go visit the mage tower? I can keep watch over Button while going through various meetings and court; I am more than capable of providing him attention as well.”

“Change his fur and coat colors; I still don’t want the world to be aware of Button’s normal appearance; it wouldn’t be fair to him if a million reporters stormed him.”

“Of course,” Celestia’s horn lit up, only for Button’s to light up, and he changed himself into a gray furred, lighter gray maned unicorn colt. Celestia and I blinked.

I decided to open my mouth. “Button, when did you…”

“Your Python textbook has basic disguise spells, Dad.”

“Oh… shit. I didn’t even think you’d be that far ahead…” I leaned around Celly, and kissed Button on the forehead. “I’m proud, kiddo. I truly am. You’ve no idea just how proud you make me, to see you so far deep into your studies! You gotta slow down that rate of progression, by the way. Dinky and Sweetie Belle won’t be able to keep up very soon… Though Dinky doesn’t care, and is just happy to be studying magic, and Sweetie Belle… eh, she’s genuinely the most gifted in terms of raw power out of you three, so I don’t think Python will be her main way of casting spells.” I shrugged, before inevitably pulling myself away. We took a ten minute break from day court for the three of us to catch up.

“Well kid, behave for your mother. If either of you need anything, I’m a DragonFire away from showing up. If I’m not back by Sun Down, assume I either got distracted by something cool in the mage tower, or I got killed so hard that I died to death. Sounds cool?”

“Don’t you dare ‘die to death’, mister,” Celestia glared at me. “And that made no bucking sense, how dare you!?”

We all had a good chuckle at that, before I started my way over to the door… Before I teleported outside and started using the Air Walker Spell, or what I dubbed ‘using Levitation to move in the air without wings’. It needed a proper… FUCK! I could’ve called it ‘Skywalker’! Oh way, I came up with the name, and I can change it whenever!

Skywalker sounds twenty percent cooler than Air Walker ever could.

I landed outside of the castle after I Skywalked myself over the walls, and decided to just walk through Canterlot. It’s been a while since I’ve just walked through this lovely little city, so I figured why the heck not? I nodded to the two guards standing at the gates, before they blinked. They saw mine and Button’s chariot pull in from Ponyville, but they never saw me walk out the gate. Solar, I recognized immediately for being the tallest of the two, while both were unicorns; Solar is pretty tall for a unicorn, and the second tallest unicorn in the guard, just a hair shorter than Shining Armor.

“Howdy, Solar. When you get off duty, wanna grab something from Hayburger with me?” I asked.

“Yes sir,” he nodded. “Why couldn’t you have just used the gate like a normal pony?”

“Walking through the castle took too long, so I teleported myself outside of Celestia’s throne room, since teleporting to the gate would’ve used a majority of my magic, I started Sky Walking; it’s way less magically taxing to do that than to teleport. I could’ve also DragonFired, but I wanted to enjoy a nice stroll through the city, y’know?”

“Sir,” the other guard spoke up. “I think you just wanted to show off.”

I tilted my head. “No, I take the most efficient route to do things when I use magic. DragonFire was the most efficient, if I wanted to get from point A to point B the quickest. Granted, that also would’ve involved me breaking a window and scorching the inside of Celly’s throne room, and she wouldn’t have been super happy about that. On the other, I can teleport, use a minimal amount of magic to teleport outside, and then catch myself on a Skywalker Spell. The Skywalker Spell was the most efficient way to the outside of the castle walls. If I wanted to show off, I would’ve magicked up a pair of wings, and flown down here, lieutenant.”

“...You can grow wings?”

“I can do a lot of magic and transmutation spells. Would I? No. I don’t think I’d be able to fly with them since I lack pegasus magic anyways.” I shrugged. “Meh, doesn’t matter if I were showing off or not; a Skywalker is a pretty flashy spell, and gets more flashy when you consider that I developed the spell.”

“It is a little fashy sir. I never said showing off was a bad thing, however, please show me whenever you’ve got the chance; I want to show off to the rest of the guard.” The Lieutenant said. I could tell he wanted to give me puppy eyes, but had to remain stoick since he was on duty.

“Alright. I’m sure the guard received me copies of Python’s textbooks when Captain Shining Armor requested them, correct?” He paid for all of them too, or rather, the guard as a whole did. I made damn near a thousand bits from that one sale. That was with the other schools requesting copies and subsequently paying for them on bulk. In other words, I had a very, very small fortune. The real kicker was that those Python Books weren’t complete, by pure technicality; I’m still developing Python, so everypony that bought them initially got Python Beta 1.0. 1.2 will come out eventually, and eventually it will get a full release.

I will pull the Notch approach to making a spell system, except I’m making everypony pay for new versions of Python Textbooks, even if they aren’t exactly necessary to learn the newer spells I come up with.

...Nevermind, that sounds like something EA would do, charging four hundred bits for a game patch.

“We all did, sir. I believe this is a Python spell?”

“It would be easier to teach you with Python, yes. Just keep up on your Runes, and I’ll hoof over some scrap paper with the equation on it.” An equation that technically isn’t the most efficient one I’ve made, that was for my own private build of Python. With that, and a ‘thank you’ from both my guard friend and his partner, I was walking through Canterlot again. Well, I made it down Royal Avenue, thanks to how Canterlot Castle took up the entire road, it was the only road on the highest plate in Canterlot. The road was filled with ponies walking up and down it, on their right side of the road.

Basically, I was on the right side, leaving the castle, whereas everypony coming into the castle was on the left. This is all a really stupid, long, arbitrary way of saying I made my way down to one of the lifts in Canterlot and stepped onto it.

“Hey, you’re that stallion in the newspapers, aren’t you?” One of the mares that was leaving Canterlot said.

“Uh, I cannot confirm or deny that information. There are many stallions in the papers?”

“The one that kissed Princess Celestia on the mouth during the Gala, the one that saved her.” The mare was behind me, so I couldn’t see her, but if I had to guess, she was a rich pony.

“Mmm, well, the princess kissed me on the mouth. I just reciprocated how I felt at the time, and I felt like kissing her back. After all, it would’ve been rude, and mean, to not kiss the love of my life back.”

“I see that you are the stallion in the pictures. I’m Fluer De Lis. I was staying at the castle overnight, after the Gala, to help my husband to… look into something. You see, my husband and I are a part of the guard that’s a step above even Captain Shining Armor. We are knights, the knights of Princess Celestia. Some time ago, there was a sudden, short burst of… dark magic. Royal Knights are often responsible for finding the causes of dark magic, anypony that casted said dark magic, and eliminate said ponies before they could cause a ruckus.”

Huh. “Coolio. Well, if you’re looking for the guy using dark magic, lemme know. Celly might already know about the fucker using that was using that stuff.”

“And she hasn’t told us who this pony is, or taken care of them herself?” We stepped off the lift. She started walking beside me, and I could finally get a glimpse of who she was… Wow, she almost looks as good as Cadance does. She’s got a light gray, almost white, coat with an almost matching mane to boot. Her light violet eyes were staring at me… You know, pony eyes are huge, and I just realized something pretty important.

I think she thinks of me as a suspect.

“Aight cut to the point, what are you getting at, Fluer.”

“...You radiate light, very, very weak dark magic.” She commented.

“Does that make me a bad pony? I’ve only been experimenting with it on the remote parts of mount Canterlot, so that nopony would accidentally get hurt. I’m trying to see if I can’t take certain aspects of dark magic, and…” I was hoping I could tell her that no, dark magic doesn’t corrupt if you aren’t an idiot with it. You can get drunk off the power dark magic can give you, and thus become evil, but it can’t outright turn you evil… at least, in my case.

“So you are controlling the princess into loving you…” Fleur mused.

“The fuck are you on about?” I asked. “I only started messing with that magic a little over two weeks ago. Celly knows about it, she’s cool with it. Luna knows about it, she’s cool with it after seeing that I wasn’t being affected. I’m not doing any of the Rituals use Dark Magic, because of how borderline fucked up some of the requirements of them are, such as sacrificing a foal to prolong life, or whatever. I wouldn’t want to; that would require killing a kid, possibly my kid.” I sighed. “I’ve been dating Princess Celestia for the last year, meaning she and I fell in love long before I learned about dark magic.”

“But you’ve only come into being at the start of this year; we’ve been looking into your file for a while now, Mr. Source.” Fluer said. “You, without knowing it, could be a construct of dark magic.” Wot. “Which would explain you learning magic so quickly, and suddenly having this ‘new’ spell system that made your prowess in your field possible.” I blinked a couple of times… What the fuck is this woman smoking and where can I get some.

“Swear to god…” I sighed.

“I’m pulling your leg, Source. My husband and I are knights, but we have already been informed on most of your cases.” Fleur smirked. “I Had you going for a while, didn’t I?”

“You sounded like you were sniffing some dandelions before you came and found me.” Fluer laughed. I chuckled. “Pretty convincing, though. Thought I was gonna have to fight ya or some shit.”

“Oh please, if it came to that, I’d win. And then promptly get blasted with the Sun for hurting the princess’s coltfriend.” She chuckled. “That would be a really stupid reason to throw my career away, wouldn’t it?”

“It would, mostly because that would involve me getting hurt. I’m a big fan of not getting me hurt, if you couldn’t tell, Fluer.”

“I’m not sure… from some rumors, you’re a bottom; clearly your backside hurts a lot. That is apart of you, right?" Fluer tilted her head... She's adorable, god dammit. She knows it too!

“Pfft…” I chuckled. That was a good one. “Okay, you are so much cooler than half the other nobles at the Gala. Where were you the whole time?” I asked.

“Trying to find you. Myself and my husband have tea with the Princess every time you end up leaving the castle to teach some foals how to use magic. We heard so much about you, that we were hoping to meet you both myself. With that said, the Gala ballroom was rather large, and before we could find you, the Element Bearers certainly found an… interesting way to liven up the Gala.

“So we couldn’t find you, or get to you; quite a few nobles were trying to swarm you, according to my husband who caught a glimpse of you before you went out into the gardens.”

“Damn. To think two possible bros were so close. Or at least some ponies I could tolerate.”

“...bro material?” Fluer asked.

“What? From that joke about me being submissive, which isn’t true by the way, gave me a real hoot, there. I can tell you and I will get along quite nicely.” Fluer actually smiled at that.

“It is nice to meet another pony of ‘royal’ status to have a sense of humor. If your marefriend had not told me of your sense of humor, I would’ve never made the joke…” Fluer sighed in relief. “I’ve been dying to make a joke like that since I graduated from secondary school.” She clapped her hooves. “Oh, do allow me to accompany you, wherever you are heading today. My husband will be meeting us at the next lift, I’m sure you’ll love him.”

“If he’s anything like you, I bet I will.” We kept on going…

Fucking christ, Fancy Pants is fucking awesome. Why am I saying that? Well…

“Hello, dear!” Fancy Pants happily trotted up to greet his wife. “Sorry for not being able to wake up with you, but…” He pulled out two donuts. “We can still share a short, sugary brunch, can't we?” Fluer clapped her hooves at the sight of her donut. Fancy Pants, I assume this is Fancy Pants, big stallion, almost as big as Shining Armor, had a very, very slick looking tuxedo, and was almost completely white like Celly and Fluer was. Fancy, after making sure his wife was satisfied with her sugary treat, nodded to me.

I found it cute, seeing just how much Fancy Pants cared about his wife's happiness.

“Hello there, Source Code, I presume?”

“Eeyup. You’re Fluer’s husband?”

“I am indeed,” he levitated something from… huh, didn’t think I’d see a noble wearing saddlebags ever in my life. “I’m Fancy Pants, Sir Fancy Pants if you’re going by titles. I’ve seen just how much happier the Princess has gotten since the two of you have met and subsequently became an item,” he gave me a warm smile. “A friend, or rather, a lover of the princess, is a friend of mine. I heard you like whisky?” He levitated a bottle up to me. It was a nice, really expensive brand that I was hoping to get for a rainy day…

No, just kidding, it was my favorite, cheap as balls brand of Whisky, that was the closest thing to a Jameson that I could find, a ‘Stallion’. I know, the name is stupid, but god damn is it good stuff.

“D’aw, you even guessed that I hated the ‘fancy’ whisky around here!”

“I did. Princess Celestia is the same way, always preferring some of the cheapest drinks she can get, and I must agree with both of your tastes… And I must say, your taste in whisky is quite good.” He and Fluer apparently planned this, since he then offered me a small, well, it was the size of my foreleg…

“IS THAT FUCKING COLCANNON!?” I asked. Fancy Pants nodded.

“My wife said she would try and meet up with you, and the two of us were hoping to meet you… Princess Celestia says you love… Colcannon? It seems to me like… mashed potatoes with green cabbage, green onions, and butter.” He gave me the tub… There’s tofu gravy in this, ponies make good tofu gravy and it’s about as close to a chicken gravy as you can get in Equestria. I stared at it for a good minute.

“...Tell me where the hell you got this, you wonderful stallion.” I took the provided plastic spoon and took a spoonful. “Oh my god…” this tasted just like home.

“Dear,” Fluer said. “I think we just became Dear Source’s favorite of the high class.” I stopped paying attention, I was stuffing my face with some damn good mash.

“I believe so as well,” Fancy chuckled. “A simple stallion, some alcohol, a pretty mare and good food is apparently all Source Code needs… He is going to be so much more fun to deal with than Prince Blueblood.”

“I know, right? Two princes in Equestria, and only one of them is likeable, who would’ve thought?"

“Fancy Pants, best pony,” I said with the spoon full of taters in my mouth. “Oh my god, it’s like an angel came into my mouth to enlighten me.”

“I do not know what an angel is, but I know what those other words are,” Fancy chuckled. “I’ll tell you where you can find some more after you’re satisfied or else you never will remember.” We hopped on the lift and my two new friends started chatting about their mornings, while I just stuffed my face. Before we knew it, we were standing outside the Canterlot Mage Tower.

Just a Fun Tour of the Mage Tour, nothing else.

View Online

As we walked up to the Mage Tower, and I had been properly given instructions on where to go to obtain some good mash potatoes, I stopped and let my mouth drop. As it turned out, the Mage Tower was as far away from the castle as it could get on Mount Canterlot without being, y'know, off the mountain. Okay, it was actually off the mountain. Like it sat on a floating island, that I assume is usually cloaked in an Invisibility to not obstruct the view of Canterlot that greets a lot of tourists when visiting the capital of Equestria. The floating island it was on wasn’t tiny either, it was actually pretty sizable.

Well, that’s because it was only big enough to hold the foundation of the Mage Tower, and the tower itself was fucking huge. It was almost as big as just a tower in the castle, while being no less prestigious. Proudly colored in Equestria’s Flag colors, pink, white and gold, the foundation was made of solid blackstone, which slowly transitioned into these colors. There were plenty of huge, towering windows that looked to be the size of Celestia when she’s standing up. The doors looked to be actual, dark oak, and not… wait, no, that’s not a door, it’s a fucking Barrier Spell designed to look like a door.

Two guards, who weren’t wearing Equestrian Military gear so I assume that they were hired, or were the tower’s personal guard, were standing on either side. They took a glimpse of me, and lit their horns. “Source Code, we see that you’ve accepted the Nine’s invitation; they will be down shortly. For now, you may wait in the lobby and help yourself to any refreshments.” They both took a glance at Fleur and Fancy Pants, who I guess opted to be on ‘guard duty’, or rather, were just wanting to get to know me, and smiled. “The Celestial Knight Duo… You both are always welcomed.”

We stepped inside shortly after that. Walking out through a Barrier was kinda weird, but I suppose… Somepony has to keep that Barrier up all that. That’s a flex, right there. There literally weren't even door hinges. By no means was it big and grand, it wasn’t a Shining Armor Shield after all, but keeping perpetually keeping up a Barrier was by no means easy.

“Darn,” I hummed. “You two get a free pass, while I don’t?” I asked.

“Well, those guards were going to let you pass, even if they could not read your mind. Don’t worry, they just see what your intentions are, they won’t know whatever weird fantasies that you have,” Fancy Pants chuckled. “I know that they were given a description of you, on top of that, with unicorns, the Mage Tower doesn’t use Telepaths, as a magical signature, or your aura, is yours and yours alone. So they just let you in, but they were probably just making sure you were who you were.”

“And as Celestia’s knights, we’re allowed in most cases; despite the Mage Tower being its own thing, almost separated from Equestria, they do keep a close relationship with the Crown. One of the ‘Nine’ has tea with Celestia regularly, often with us present.” Fleur added, “I believe I know why they summoned you here, but I think pointing out why would be minute.”

“It would; I know why I’m here. I’m the Princess’s ‘plaything’ so that puts a target on my back. On top of that, I’m a semi-competent mage, and I’ve developed a spell system, well, three, but only ever let it out that I made one system.”

“Wait, what?” Fleur asked, with wide eyes. “Three systems?”

“Yeah. One was made as a joke to fuck with Twilight, but turned out to genuinely be useful for practicing magic dexterity, and the other is basically the original version of Python, but tailored very, very heavily towards my needs. Mixed into it are some elements of Dark Magic, and I’ve been hoping to see the Elements of Harmony in action so I could possibly run a diagnostic spell and see if I can’t recreate a weaker version of whatever those do to whatever national of the year is.” I shrugged. “I know Spike and Twilight said my spell systems, or rather me developing them, was supposed to be pretty hard, but I think nopony’s tried to make a new system.

“Like y’all are so damn complacent. The trains here are still pulled by earth ponies, which should hopefully change since I told somepony about steam engines, and trains have been pulled by earth ponies since rails were laid out. Y’all never bothered optimizing any spells to make them easier to cast, technology’s so out of date compared to what I’m used to that it’s almost sad. But then in some places the technology is almost on par with what I would’ve seen back home twenty years ago. Even Celly and Lulu, the way they run the government is rather dated. I get the saying ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’, but then you guys take that like it’s the fact of life.”

“...You aren’t wrong,” Fancy Pants nodded. “From what the Princess has told us, of things from your world, your race sounds beyond what ponies will achieve in the next thousand years.”

“Meh, I still like Equestria, but I want to implement small things, like trains actually pulled by the locomotives they’re attached to. Just small stuff. I refuse to introduce television to Equestria, because that would cause some problems.” I shivered… Some powerful ponies just walked into the room. Like Twilight and Celestia were clearly stronger, but I think a pony can control just how much ambient magic they let out… Twilight and Celestia are actual monsters when it comes to magical prowess, Luna too, actually.

I know Celly and Luna actively stop their ambient magic; if they let that loose it would make everypony fear them. Twilight probably does the same thing, and so do most of the more magically gifted guards. Nopony that I know of likes being feared.

Except these nine guys and girls, apparently.

“Ah, Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis,” the lead unicorn, a rather… average unicorn. He wasn’t tall, wasn’t short, had a sleek, light gray mane and tail, almost silver, that matched his black coat very, very nicely. Aside from that… he wasn’t too notable from any other unicorn I’ve met. Granted, the sheer amount of ambient magic this guy’s letting out of his body is insane. Like it is almost on Twilight’s level, though I think Twilight could still find some way to kick this guy’s ass. She’s only insanely smart, and unreasonably strong with magic.
“Greetings, Bolt.” Fancy said. Fleur simply stood at the flank of her husband. Ah darn there goes the ‘cool guys’ look they had; now they both looked incredibly professional…

“Incase you’ve not noticed,” Fleur whispered. “These nine are… as Celestia said you’d call them… ‘Douchebags’. Do not be surprised if one of them requests to duel you, namely that bright orange mare over there. My husband and I act like this with most nobles, who are also… not very savory individuals.” I hummed. Damn. I am not going to like these guys then.

“And there’s the stallion of the hour!” The black stallion simply known as ‘Bolt’, said, walking up to me. “How is the Princess doing? Bet she must be getting a little desperate for students if… you are currently her star pupil, what with Twilight Sparkle being shipped off to Ponyville to study… Friendship? I get that that mare is a bit of a shut in, but c’mon! Imagine being so shut in that her teacher tells her to go touch grass?” I blinked. I blinked a few times. What the fuck is this dude’s problem?

“...Did you invite me here to show me around? Ask about something, or are you just gonna bitch and moan about how Celestia secured a unicorn much more magically gifted than yourself, and decided to let that unicorn live her own life with her friends? While giving said unicorn something to write to her teacher every week or so? Like yeah, friendship’s a bit odd to be studying, but I ain’t one to judge.” I tilted my head. “Also letting all that ambient magic out, mate?” I laughed. “Are you compensating for something? Like Jesus Christ’s mother on a bicycle, it’s annoying.”

I am talking so much shit to a guy that can obliterate me in a heartbeat. Fleur and Fancy just sat there, slack jawed, as were the other eight of the ‘grandmasters’ of the Mage Tower.

“Oh please, at least I don’t need to make a spell system to make up for being a weak punk. Seriously, you have zero talent-”

“If that spell system was worthless,” Fancy Pants stepped in, having quickly recovered. “Why did you open up a branch specifically for Python, hmm?” Bolt shot the stallion a death glare.

“As much as the nine of us dislike it, we cannot ignore just how important Python actually is. If somepony like this,” he gestured to all of me. “Can compete with the Captain of the Royal Guard with it, then surely it has some worth. Even if its creator is a creaton.”

“Hey man, you started bad mouthing Celly, and talking some serious smack about Twilight.” I shook my head. “Dickhead’s runnin’ offa power trip if you ask me. You’d probably piss yourself if Celly went hard on the gas pedal and opened a can of ass whooping on you, mate? Fucking christ, I would legitimately rather spend a night with Prince Fucking Blueblood than your sorry ass. So what if you’re magically gifted, doesn't mean shit if nopony likes you, does it?” I could feel Fleur and Fancy getting shield spells ready. Bolt looked too mad to be flabbergasted by my ‘weird’ language.

Before Bolt could respond, the doors slammed open, and Twilight and her friends started walking in. “And this is the mage tower,” the unicorn in question stopped when she saw me. Rarity’s jaw fell when she noticed Fleur and Fancy, while the others were taking in the sight of the Mage Tower lobby, even if it was more underwhelming than a dentist’s office lobby.

“Source? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, walking up to me to give me a nice, big hug. She didn’t even flinch at the ambient magic, whereas Rarity seemingly just noticed it and shivered more than I did. Everpony else was unaware.

“Hey Twi, I was just getting ready to take a tour of this place, because I thought Bolt, over here, wanted to give me one or something.”

“Ah, Twilight Sparkle! What can I do for you and your friends today?” Bolt asked. You two faced, son of a bitch! He’s being polite now… Oh, Twilight’s letting off some ambient magic. I shivered, no, I shook… holy fuck, I knew Twi had some magic, but like… it dwarfs Bolt’s by a lot.

“Twilight,” I said, interrupting their conversation. “You are a fucking cheatcode; how the fuck do you have so much magic just sitting around?”

“Uh… I don’t know.” Twilight obviously lied. I gave her my best The Rock Side Eye, and she started explaining it in full. “I know magic has to do with something in the cells,” she went on to describe what basically sounded like a midichlorian. It was long, nerdy, and winded, but basically… Small, single celled organisms give ponies magic. For unicorns, they can have varying amounts of these things in them, and higher amounts means stronger magic. Aside from Starswirl the Bearded, Twilight has the highest count of these little things in her.

“Twilight,” I said, pausing. “What the fuck.” I chuckled. “Ah shit, I was right about Bolt.”

“What?” Twilight asked. “So far, he’s always been polite with me.”

“Uh…” I shrugged. “Bolt just greeted me, made a jab at Celly, and then at you. It wasn’t pleasant, and I won’t repeat what was said, only because I so, so strongly disagree with what was said.” I will admit, Twilight when I first met her was a bitch, but now that she’s opened up? She’s quite pleasant to be around, even if she’s a bit eccentric and probably has a few mental illnesses. Seriously, the new Twilight is hard to hate, and Twilight already knows she wasn’t the most pleasant mare to be around before she moved to Ponyville.

She even apologized to me for being a bitch.

Bolt’s hoof came down with a thundering crack. “That’s it,” he said coldly. “First, you come in here and complain about me pointing out your inferiority,” he all but growled. “And then you go and spread false information about me to the Princess’s Prized Pupil?” I lifted a hoof, pulled a spell crystal out of… Nevermind, Pinkie had a spell crystal in her mane for some reason. It didn’t take me too long to replay the moment I met Bolt to the moment that Twilight walked in. Twilight slowly went from curious, because she definitely will be asking me how I did this, or at the very least be proud of me for doing it, to slightly annoyed. Then she got mad.

“Why are you talking poorly about the princess? She hasn’t done anything to you!” Twilight growled.

Bolt glared at me, as did the other eight who have yet to speak.

“You, me, the dueling arena, now.” Bolt growled. “Or are you a coward?”

“You know what, my guy?” I chuckled darkly. “You’re on.” I am going to show him why we humans do not bow down to prey.

The dueling arena was a simple, white room, padded walls with enchantments make them more durable, and what looked like marble flooring. It had a viewing room window, where everypony else was sitting and watching. Both Bolt and I were standing on opposite sides, rather, I was, since I wasn’t taking this guy seriously. This would be an excellent time to test out the Light Shield, and also be a good opportunity to also test out dark magic and its other elements I’ve been working into Python Plus.

And I’m now pissed off. So I handed my whisky off to Rainbow Dash, since I knew she’s loyal enough to not drink a bro’s booze, and went into this room. I Skywalked to where I was now seated, and haven’t moved a muscle. Twilight was down here with us, to make sure we weren’t doing anything too bad- no, that would mean that Bolt wouldn’t get a shot at ‘accidentally’ killing me. She was sitting in the viewing room, looking kind of nervous.

I would be too, but I’m pissed off, and frankly, was looking excited to test out a lot of combat tricks I’ve developed on somepony I didn’t mind hurting. I didn’t want to hurt Shining Armor, so I didn’t go full tilt.

There was supposed to be a countdown, but Bolt didn’t even hesitate. As soon as Twilight had begun counting down, my opponent immediately launched a strong, telekinetic blast. I just sat there and let the Light Shield take it, which it quickly did, and my eyes went cross eyed as the spell forced me to do an actual Shield designed to break down the spell and dissolve it, while blocking off any residual force from said strike. I blinked and cheered.

“WOO!” I laughed. “Ah shit, that was kinda scary,” I continued laughing darkly. “Oh shit, that is broken as fuck. I didn’t even need to think of how to use that shield, and it was incredibly effective!” Another spell hit my light shield and my horn teleported me away. I blinked and chuckled again as another spell lashed out at me, only for the Light Shield to go and just straight up make me absorb the spell into myself. In simpler terms, it just fueled me up for a counter attack. Oh. Oh my god, that’s a spell that I was working on, that used a few elements of dark magic. Instead of it taking life, it simply absorbs magic, and uses what was thrown at me to counter.

Of course, this can be overloaded, but this guy is a lot tougher than Shining Armor, and it just absorbed the spell. I immediately blasted a telekinetic blast with the absorbed magic, while mixing in some of my own power into it for some extra ‘oompf’ to it. Bolt was more than capable of blocking my counter, but… he didn’t account for something. You see, the Light Shield can force me to do a lot of things when it’s in use. So at some point it could just make a mirror and blast back a spell…

“Oh shit!” I rolled out of the way of a lightning bolt. Only for another one to strike me… well, it hit the light shield, and a portal opened up… What? I blinked a few times. I don’t know how to actually use portal spells, what the heck? Luckily, the diagnostic spells that Light Shield needs to operate told me how it happened. I shook my head to rid myself of the hornache I was starting to develop, before I reopened the portal… behind Bolt, who was too busy gawking at my sudden use of Portal Magic. The Lightning Spell came in from behind, striking him in the rear… and frying him.

Now, I had a crispy, unconscious Bolt lying on his side. Holy shit. The Light Shield is broken as hell, made me use a few spells that I’ve developed with dark magic in it, and forcibly taught me how to make portals to temporarily catch spells and launch them, the actual spell and just not just a spell with some absorbed power, at back at ponies. Holy smokes… Granted, it seems like it is not a light spell to run at all. My horn hurts like hell, man, and it doesn’t feel good, and that was just from five different attacks being thrown my way.

Running it passively, as I have been until I got here, wasn’t bad. When the Light Shield did work, as in actively tell you about spells and force you to counter them, due to the nature of it being almost random, even if it’s a very well calculated defense system that reacts to the specific spell used, nature, it can make you cast spells that are rather taxing, force into using spells you don’t know. In other words… Huh. I need to test this more, but not right now. But that is a good note.

Light Shield on ‘Passive Mode’ is good on magic reservations.

Light Shield being put into ‘Active Mode’ will make your horn ache from heavy use.

So I suppose it stops me from getting surprised or attacked on the first blow. After that I should probably quit using the Light Shield, and just fight normally.

For ending fights quickly though, it’s good.

The door to the dueling room slid open and Twilight and her friends rolled in, along with Fleur, Fancy, and the other eight old unicorns. “Howdy,” I said, rubbing the base of my horn.

“Source,” Twilight said. “Is that another spell for Python?” She asked.

“Yeah. Pretty damn awesome, if I must say so. I’m calling it Light Shield, a reactionary based shield that’s really only good for stopping magic attacks in various means, but doesn’t actually work like a Barrier. I can’t even remember the…” I paused. “Holy shit, it made its own spell matrix and forced me to use a Portal! I can’t even remember the equations or Runes for it!” I laughed like an idiot. “Oh god dammit, I accidentally used Python to make a Shield, a Shield that somehow has its own micro spell system in it!” I kept laughing. “God, if that’s what I can do while drunk, I need to get drunk more often and let Jesus take the wheel!”

“...What?” One of the other eight unicorns asked, stepping forward. She’s a middle-aged mare, fair, white fur, light blue mane and tail. I could tell that even at her almost advanced age, that some would still consider her attractive. “Your… spell has its own spell system in it, is that what I’m hearing?”

“Yeah. That’s really cool, I don’t mean to toot my own horn, since it immediately makes you forget how to use anything it forces you to cast, if it uses this micro spell system to make you cast a spell, but it’s cool.” Oh, I’m teaching this to Button. I shrugged. “It could be a microspell system, I dunno; this is the first active field test of Light Shield that I’ve managed to perform. If this," I motioned to a Kentucky Fried Bolt with my head. “Is the result of me using it, I may only use it as a first response thing, before I either engage or run away.” I flinched.

“Say, y’all know how to stop a hornache?”

“Cut it off,” Fleur said. “Your horn.” I stared at her like she was an idiot. “Darn, so you know that’s fatal for a unicorn?”

“Well, it would make everything stop hurting…” I hummed. “No, Celly would bring me back to life and kick my ass for getting myself killed.” I looked at the rest of the Nine. “So can I get a tour of your tower? I do genuinely wanna see what this place is all about. It sounds cool, but it looks like the big boss here,” I pointed at Bolt again, before he was levitated away by… what looked like Mage Tower branded medics, and out of the dueling room. “Is an asshole.”

“Well, of course,” the middle aged mare nodded. “I would like to apologize for my husband being… unsavory as you said. I’m still trying to file a divorce with him. And while I’m not saying all eight of us are saints, we can at least try to be more pleasant around you. Assuming you can show some respect?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Depends, treat me nicely, and I’ll reciprocate it. Treat me rudely, and I’ll just go home.”

“Well,” the mare smiled. “I suppose we’ll get started on a new hoof. I am Exo, the Grandmaster of Portal Magic. I think you’d like a tour of that first?” I quickly nodded. “Well, come along, Ms. Sparkle, if you and your friends would like to join us, you may. Fleur and Fancy, care to join as well?”

“Of course,” Fleur nodded. “As I said, your husband is an asshole.”

“I know. But the court-”

“I’m Celly’s consort. I can literally get her to sign the papers off, and you two would be separated. Or you go to day court and get her to do it.” Exo nodded.

“I’ll consider going to day court. Thank you for telling me, Source Code.”

“No problem, just please don’t be like your husband. I bet what he’s packing was too small to be of any use to you?” Exo started choking; she just took a sip of water when I said that.

“Oh-” Exo coughed. “Oh sweet Celestia!” She coughed again, while doing a half giggle, half cough. “Don’t do that when I’m drinking something!” She just started gasping and giggling at the same time. “That caught me so off guard… but yet, my husband is awful in bed, and not because his package is tiny. It still is, mind you, he’s just an asshole.” We left the dueling room and made a right turn. We quickly found ourselves in a magically operated elevator.

When we got to the Portal Room, I just stopped and took a moment to admire everything. It was simply… awesome. Even the less magically inclined ponies of the group, namely just Twilight’s friends, took a moment to drink it in. Strewn about the room looked to be a lot of lab ponies, a few machines, and namely… well, portals. The room itself was already pretty cool, it was fully metal, and almost, almost looked like that generic computer room in every government building in every movie where they showed a generic computer room. It was dark, dimly lit, with red and blue lights. The portals themselves gave off lights, various lights.

“Holy fuck…” I said, smiling slightly. “I wanna learn, like legitimately learn how to do this stuff, not do it on the fly.” I sat down on my rump, watching as ponies were trying to decipher where each portal went. The portals themselves were colored orange and blue, kinda like the Portals from… Portal.

“We can teach you, you know,” Exo said, sitting beside me. “It would be an honor; you’d technically be the first pony to learn from the Mage Tower without directly being a student, or being practically born into it.”

“Mmm…” I hummed. “Why are you offering me this?”

“...Okay, before Bolt decided to try and ruin any chances, we were hoping to induct you into our school. You’ve made your own system of magic, you made another system for the general public, and then I hear talk of you possibly making a third. With you, we could give you a strong foundation of everything here, and then you can work your magic into simplifying everything; I’ve read your textbook, and the Teleport in there is so simple and basic, yet… it still works like a regular Teleport, even if you, yourself, claim that it’s not as useful as just using ‘DragonFire’.”

“That’s because it isn’t as versatile as DragonFire. DragonFire can teleport stuff directly to certain ponies if I know their magical signature, or I can travel with it, and while it’s not instant, like Teleport is, I bet I could almost go as fast as Dashie over there,” I said, tapping the pegasus beside me. “Almost. Dash can apparently break the soundbarrier, and has a trick basically named after her because of that. Plus DragonFire is so light on magic use, that I could probably go to Baltimare and into Manehattan as well, and then come back to Canterlot. That's me being kinda shit with raw magical output, by the way.”

“I see… DragonFire itself is an anomaly, Source. Somepony like you, helping the Nine develop spells and whatnot… and Bolt probably ruined that, didn’t you?”

“Depends, are the rest of you Nine likable? You’re not too douchey, even if I can tell you are just a tiny bit entitled.”

Exo blinked. “...That is the first time anypony’s had the gut to say that to my face…” She giggled. “I see why the Princess likes you; you’re braver than you are intelligent. Given how you’re apparently intelligent enough to work out a whole system of spells, one spell in particular has a sub-system that nopony can decipher, apparently, that is saying something…” She shook her head. “If only my husband was more like you, and more loving.”

“I’m a one mare stallion, Exo. No trying to touch my booty; Celly does that enough already with a stra-” I stopped myself. “Okay, I should not make that joke. But you get the point.”

“I do,” Exo giggled. “I know what you were going to say, you crass, crass stallion. But to answer your question… Most of the Nine are only going to be polite with you because you’re you. And also they just watched you hoof-handle the most skilled magic user in our academy with an experimental version of a shield and nothing else. And I will want to be given the spell’s Runes and equations at some point; it seems so useful for even just the average unicorn to learn, as it could legitimately keep them safe.”

“I was gonna release it as an expansion, you bought a Python book? I’ll release a boatload of spells in small, mini-textbooks based on self defense, utility, all that fun stuff. If you own a Python text book, all you’ll be paying for is how much it costs for me to profit from the printing process of the textbooks themselves, not the work put into the spells I developed. If you buy a Python book in the future, you pay for the book and then choose one of the min-textbooks to get deeper into whichever thing you prefer.”

“Huh… that is a bizarre way of doing yearly textbooks.” One of the other Nine, the unimportant one that I haven’t gotten a name from yet, said. Very descriptive, I know, but like, the only two that matter to me right now is Bolt, who’s knocked the fuck out in the med-bay, and Exo.

“So, what are some of these portals?” I noticed a really fancy mirror in the back of the room, almost hidden by how poorly lit that specific spot was.

“These are all portals to… we don’t know where. They could be to random places on Equus, to other worlds… anywhere, really. This branch isn’t really known for having any powerful unicorns here, but we’re trying to discover how portals work, and how to tell where they’ll go. If we knew that micro-system portal, you could be very useful to us, since that’s the only controlled portal we’ve seen since the mirror in the back, and we don’t even know how it works. The Princess just gave it to us to test on one day, saying she’ll be back for it in a year or two. It still hasn’t opened, and if it has, it wasn’t while anypony was awake or in this room.”

“Darn,” I walked up to the mirror and tilted my head. “Say, what if I touched the mirror?” I wasn’t going to, I didn’t wanna go to another world, but… I could touch it.

“Nothing will happen; we’ve all tried it.” The mirror was a huge mirror, sitting on a bit of a pedestal of a simple design, most of it was rather simple. There was a small, cartoonish-looking pony on its hindlegs in a horseshoe on the top. I looked at it, before seeing myself wearing my trench coat, standing tall and proud, with a pair of wings. I stared for a moment later and chuckled. Me growing wings? Yeah, right. I turned around and walked back to the center of the room.

“DON’T STAND THERE!” Exo shouted. “THAT’S WHERE WE OPEN NEW PORTALS!”

“Oh shit.” I began to trot over to where everypony else was, only for some tired, seemingly overworked teenager’s horn lit. A portal opened up at my hooves as I slowly looked down, and back at my friends. “NOT A FUCKING AGAIN!”

I hit the ground with a thud, am… I am human again at least, right? I moved… oh, my hooves. I tapped my horn and flinched. Ow. It still aches a little. Uh… maybe I just ended up in some random place on Equus?My ears were ringing. I lit my horn and levitated a nearby stick and examined it. I simply stared at it, before looking up… The portal’s gone. Fuck me in the ass, man! I… snapped up and onto hooves. Oh god. I was gonna have dinner with Celly and Button tonight! I was going to spend next week in Ponyville with my students! Where am I? I’m still in Equestria, right?

I looked around… noting that there was just a pillar smoke off in the distance. I stared at it, long and hard… I took a deep breath. Okay, the wind’s flowing away from me, or I would be smelling some of that. My ears, once they stopped ringing… ponies are in trouble. Not ponies, people. On one hoof, I could get myself killed, but if all that screaming-

“WHOA!” an explosion went off in the same direction as the pillar of smoke and the screaming stopped. I watched as a dark blue figure with night-like hair and a pure white figure… with a pastel flowing mane… That’s Celly and Lulu! Maybe… the smoke stopped. The smoke stopped, but there’s no cheering, and after that explosion… I stared as two other figures, a pink one, and a purple one, both lacking flowing manes, rose up to meet the Sisters in the sky.

Wait, the screaming stopped. I stared at the four figures, trying to figure out if… ponies would be cheering if they were just saved by four alicorns, yet there was pure silence. My blood ran cold. That silence is so… unlike ponies. Sure, they would make sure that everypony is alright, but only after taking a moment to cheer about being able to live another day. Maybe… I should get out of here. I started slowly backing away, until I realized… I wasn’t in a very heavily wooded area.

I was in a field with a few trees, sparsely littering spread throughout it. There was a bush here and there, but for the most part, with my blue coat and bright yellow mane, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I need to run. I may have gone through a portal, and I could be on Equus still, I definitely am, but it’s definitely not the Equus I know. I turned to run, only for a purple slammed into the ground in front of me, causing a small boom and a cloud of dust.

I could hear three other ‘booms’ happening around me, and I stopped dead in my tracks. I got a Light Shield ready and got ready to even DragonFire my way out if need be.

“Looks like there’s a survivor,” I did not like the sound of that voice. It sounded… like Twilight’s voice. I could sense Celestia, Luna, and Cadance were on my left, right, respectively. On instinct, I almost immediately stumbled over to where Celestia was, even if I knew it wasn’t my Celly. The alicorn jumped when I suddenly bumped into her side, before cackling madly.

…Why did I have to get part of another magical accident? All I heard was laughter, not the kind hearted laugh that Celly always had, this one… was downright maniacal laughter that sent a shiver down my spine.

Beyond the Portal

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After I had bumped into this world’s version of Celestia, I immediately flinched and teleported out of their little circle. I knew better than to stand in the middle of enemy lines, after all. I brought a hoof up to the side that I had bumped Princess Celestia with, and hissed. It actually burns. The fur that was there was black, almost ash just from me touching her. Celly… Celly was a lot warmer than the average pony, and Luna was a tad bit colder than the average pony, but… Celly was always pleasantly warm unless somepony angered her. Luna… I shivered, this world’s Luna was influencing how cold it was and I was a good ten feet away from her.

I took in the sight… Twilight Sparkle, or rather, Princess Twilight… was actually relatively short. Compared to the other three, she still was a bit pudgy, but that hardly seemed to matter to her. Her coat was prestigious. My world’s Twilight was already well groomed, and well… Princess Twilight looked like a war princess. Her mane and tail were largely the same, if you ignored some of the dried blood in it. There were no scars on her, a sign that nopony’s managed to touch her yet.

Princess Cadance… Oh god, Cadance is horrifying. Her eyes were blood red, a horrifying contrast compared to Cadance’s warm, friendly eyes. My world’s Cadance was always so happy, so nice to anything sapient, and also somewhat reserved. No makeup, nothing done to her mane besides the usual princess treatment of getting groomed by a bunch of professional groomers. Usually what you saw Cadance for, is what she was, and she still managed to be beautiful; my Shining Armor is a lucky stallion.

This Cadance… She was standing there, basically posing, like she knew exactly what she was doing. If I had to guess, she probably just toyed with a stallion, making them feel all sorts of things before coldly killing them.

Now Princess Celestia and Princess Luna… both of them were wearing rather… interesting armor. I know I’ve seen both sets before, even if those sets looked old and unused; Celly wore it once just to show me, and she looked amazing in it. In this case, Princess Celestia looked horrifying. Her hair was tied back, as well as her mane, and she was carrying a sword that was on fucking fire in her magic. She looked so much like Celly, so, so damn much, yet the look in her eyes that she was giving me. That warm, loving smile that I’ve grown accustomed to seeing on that wondrous face of hers…

Was cold, grinning maniacally, as she giggled to herself.

Princess Luna… I think it’s more terrifying to see her just like this, as she was, and not as Nightmare Moon. It told me off the bat that… These alicorns were simply the way they were. Horrible people that likely just slaughtered a village full of people. Like her sister, she wore a set of armor that I’ve no doubt that Luna had already shown to Tale, which was similar in style to Princess Celestia’s, where it was clearly meant to be ‘appealing’ rather than ‘protective’. With who they were, however, it made sense as to why they did not need to actually wear something that protected them.

“Aw, sister, he smells like you!” Princess Luna said while giggling.

“I know. Perhaps I slept with him, and he slipped away in the morning? It would have been odd; he would’ve been killed as soon as I was done with him,” Princess Celestia laughed. I shivered; that was so, so wrong. I do not like hearing Celly’s voice laughing like a psycho.

“Uh…” I started backing away. “How about we pretend like I was never here, and you guys go about your day?” I asked.

“Or,” Princess Cadance said sweetly. “We find out why you smell like my aunt, and we kill you?”

“That sounds fun. That sounds really fun, actually. Hey Cadance,” I said. She blinked a moment, being shocked at my suddenly ‘calm’ demeanor. “PADDY WAGON!” I shot a high powered, Stun with a Pierce and a Telekinetic Blast mixed into one, and struck Cadance in the face, sending her flying into a tree. Thanks to the Stun, she wasn’t getting back up. Huh, like back home, Cadance isn’t very strong with magic. It probably helped that I used fear to drive the spell. I waved at the other three.

“LATER!” I DragonFired into Princess Cadance, taking her along with me to use as a hostage. I would’ve killed her, outright killed her, but… she literally looks like Cadance, she is Cadance. I couldn’t bring myself to actually hurt her. Luckily, the other alicorns were just shocked at how I knocked one of them on their ass, and then used a spell I know they’ve never seen before to fly off into the distance. I was driving the spell as hard as I could, so I was going as fast as Rainbow Dash.

On the way, I found a cave, and headed on down. I may not be willing to kill Cadance, but I wasn’t going to be nice to her; she did want to kill me, after all. . I skidded to a stop in the cave, and dropped the alicorn on her head, while she was still basically unable to move. After a moment, I pulled out a magic prohibiting ring, a standard thing most royal guards carry on them, and slipped it on her horn. I casted a spell that I’ve tested a few times, one that hides magical signatures, on the two of us. I named it ‘Ghost’, since nopony gave it a name; nopony really ever used it anyways.

I sat down, and took a deep breath. “Okay,” I laid on my stomach and took another deep breath. “Okay, Source, you’ve been through this before, just now there are four magical gods that want you dead for some reas-” I stopped and blinked. “-son. I just pissed them off and took one with me…” I whispered. “Shit.”

“And you think you can win,” Princess Cadance said sweetly. “You know you’ve pissed the four of us off,” she giggled. “I will look forward to killing you myself.”

“...Fucking christ.” I sighed. “Good thing…” I pulled out a spell crystal, one I was going to use, but Pinkie had a crystal on her for some reason… Did Pinkie fucking predict this? I wouldn’t be shocked, but holy… if she did, I am going to kiss that mare on the cheek, or let her throw me a big, stinky party in my name that I’ll probably love anyways. I enchanted it with a Stun, just as Princess Cadance got up.

“Do you understand why we alicorns are so dangerous?” Cadance asked. “Why are we superior to the other tribes?” She asked. She grinned. “Stun spells don’t last long on me, fool.”

“That’s cool. I’ve got a proposition for you,” I said, fiddling with the crystal. Princess Cadance blinked.

“Why do you think-”

“I am not from this timeline. I don’t give a damn about Alicorn Superiority or whatever, but what I do care about is going home. I’ve met another version of you, one far, far nicer than you. She’s happy, going to get married, and will probably be readily accepted by her in-laws as family. Twilight Sparkle adores her, everypony adores her. But I do know this,” I chuckled. “You aren’t trained for combat, are you? Just coasting off the fact that you’re so much stronger than the average pony?” I chuckled darkly. “I’m no average pony, Cadance. I could’ve broken your neck on the way here, I could’ve killed you. But I, frankly, don’t think I could bring myself to outright kill anyone. Not somebody that looks so close to somebody I love.

“I don’t wanna fight, I don’t want to get involved with whatever you, your aunts, and Twilight are doing. I may not approve of it, but I can’t do much to stop four alicorns.” I chuckled. “I’m sure you’ve married before, correct?”

“I have. He passed away over a decade ago.”

“Shining Armor?” I asked.

“How do you know that name?” Princess Cadance said, seemingly forgetting what she wanted to do.

“As I said, I’ve met another timeline’s version of you, Princess Cadance. Shining Armor, Cadance and I were pretty good friends, well, Cadance and my world’s Shining Armor were just about to get married and were planning out their wedding. But that brings me to my next point,” I sighed. “Seeing the mare I love, being so cold and heartless hurts a lot, you know?” Princess Cadance raised an eyebrow. “I think the four of you alicorns noticed how much I smell like Princess Celestia?” Cadance nodded.

“Back home, I was Princess Celestia’s consort. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but one day I woke up in a crater after a magical accident. No clue if I’m actually another being’s mind inside that of a pony, or if I got turned into a pony, all I knew is that I woke up as a pony when I wasn’t before. If the magical accident erased what once was inside this body, who knows? But… I met Princess Celestia, my Celly…” I sighed. “Oh, I love her, so, so damn much. We’re planning on getting married ourselves and are basically engaged at this point. We even have a little colt, through adoption, that we love with all of our being.

“All I want is to go home. I don’t care if I gotta kill you and this world’s versions of Luna, Celestia, and Twilight, but I will find a way home…” I noticed Cadance actually flinched for some reason. “I don’t want to hurt you, I’ll letcha go and everything, but I want to make sure Luna, Celsetia, and Twilight do not try to cause me any harm.” I think I’m getting somewhere, since Cadance laid back down, and decided to not try anything for the rest of the night.

When I woke up, Cadance was gone. I think she left to try and get the rest of the alicorns to kill me or something. I don’t know, I don’t care. I simply got up, went outside and had some grass. Sure, it wasn’t exactly… tasty, or good, or anything that tasted like anything, but there’s a reason why most guard kits don’t carry rations. If the ground’s covered in grass, you don’t need rations, if you find a bush with berries in it, you don’t need rations. Plants have water in them, so you’re covered on that, and ponies typically live off of plants, so if you’ve got plants, you got water and food.

Just not good food or water.

I grazed for a while, before changing my coat to and mane to the same shade of green as the grass. So if an alicorn flies overhead, I’ll be fine. I casted another Ghost, got a Light Shield active and enchanted my bones, fur, and skin to be tougher in case I needed to fight, and started walking forward. I know I probably should go back to where I initially came into this world, but I don’t think I should; mostly because it was in the middle of a field. A random field in the middle of nowhere. I obviously was nowhere near Canterlot; there wasn’t a mountain in sight, and a city jutting out the side of a mountain would be pretty hard for me to miss.

I kept on marching forward, knowing that if I stop, Cadance may show up again, and I don’t know if she’s a friend, but I know that if we meet again, we are definitely going to be not very friendly. I did drop her on her head, and said I would kill her and her aunts, and Twilight should they come after me again. Luckily, this world was just as colorful as my Equestria, even if I was feeling a sense of dread and anxiety from having to watch my back.

While I was walking, I saw a huge mountain, like… oh, oh shit. That’s Canterlot Mountain; I could see the city. Granted, the sun’s going down, and I think I’ve got to get through what may be the Everfree Forest, but I can probably find Ponyville and stay there. I know I’d probably be safer in the Everfree, with some natural cover, than out and about in the fields. While I… If this is in another timeline, and possibly in the future of that timeline, I don’t think I will be running into anyone I would notice any time soon.

I DragonFired into the sky and took off until I landed roughly where Fluttershy’s cottage should be. i've never been, back home, but I was told where it was. It was pretty hard to miss, but given that it still had a road leading up to a peaceful little cottage, that was right on the edge of the Everfree Forest, I landed on the pathway, right in front of a small bridge that went up and over a cute little stream, before trotting on up to the door. With some hope, maybe I’ll… I knocked on the door, hopefully I’ll at least find Fluttershy’s kid, or something.

Instead, I was greeted by a weird looking snake thing. “Oh, dear Celestia! It’s that stallion that me in another universe didn’t get the chance to meet because he was stuck here! Come in, come in,” he coaxed me inside. It wasn’t hard, since as weird as what he said was, he did seem like a pleasant individual. “Fluttershy! I know it’s late, but we have a guest, a guest of honor!” I suddenly had a crown on my head and necklace. A Fluttershy, looking no older than when I met her, trotted downstairs. She was wearing a cute little sleeping cap and was rubbing her eyes.

“Yes dear?” Fluttershy asked. Her eyes landed on me. “Oh! One moment, I’ll get some tea going!”

“What the fuck?” I asked as I watched as Fluttershy clapped her hooves and magically ended up walking out of the kitchen with a teapot and a set of teacups.

“Discord told me all about you, a pony from another world that is just a well of chaotic magic.” She smiled. “And no matter where he’s from, an apparent friend of Discord is a friend of mine.”

“...Okay, then. I’m Source, dunno if you know-”

“Oh, I know. This is my husband, Discord,” Fluttershy patted the weird blend of animals, who had coiled up around her and was acting like a bed for her. “This is Discord, a Draconequus, or the spirit of chaos. The-”

“The one and only D-D-Discord!” The John Cena theme was playing. “Now, my little pony, you. I believe I know why you are here.” I couldn’t help but smile slightly at how bumfuck crazy these two were, or how much more confident Fluttershy looked right now. “You got dragged out a timeline, one where you existed and changed some things. Such as making a young colt, who is usually an earth pony in other timelines, a unicorn, in yours. Or perhaps in yours, I would’ve already been redeemed and ‘hooked up’ with Fluttershy had I met you next week like I should’ve in your timeline.”

“Wait…”

“Yes, by the time you get back, about a month will have passed!” My heart dropped. “I know, I know, so much time lost. But!” I tilted my head. “I’ve a deal for you,” Discord said. “I can control portals very easily, I might add. I can send you home, if you do a small little favor for me.” He patted my head. “I just powered you up, a lot. You see, this timeline’s version of Twilight Sparkle, Princess Cadance, and the Royal Pony Sisters went mad recently, Twilight from watching all her friends die, Princess Cadance from watching her husband die, and the Royal Pony Sisters were never particularly good ponies in this timeline, and figured Alicorn Supremacy is the way forward…” Discord nodded to himself.

“I want you to protect Ponyville, as it is my home, and I hate seeing it get destroyed no matter the timeline we're in. If you do that, and put on a good show, I’ll send you home. At the start of February, you’ll be back home, received very warmly, and loved and cared for until the Canterlot Wedding that will take place during April. By the way, the alicorns are on the way and they are angry.”

I looked at Fluttershy. “Aren’t you upset by this?” I asked.

“No, me and Discord don’t really follow a timeline anymore. We would be from what you consider… ‘Cannon’. In that, my friends are still alive and kicking; we decided to go somewhere a little dangerous on our honeymoon, and this was the place.” I blinked a few more times. “Yes, Discord taught me how to use chaos magic, and I have seen a lot, Source Code. I must say, it has its perks, but this one pony named the Doctor, and his assistant and wife, Derpy Hooves, tends to bump into us and make our brains hurt…”

Discord shivered. “They use logic to solve their problems. Something so against what the two of us have stood for for the last ten years… has it been ten years?”

“I’m not sure anymore,” Fluttershy shrugged. “Well, if you want to stay the night, you can take my bed. Discord has a built-in reclining system, massage machine, and serves a nice, warm glass of milk right before you go to bed, so I don’t need the bed.” What? These two are starting to make my brain hurt just a little bit.

“Alright then… don’t let the bedbugs bite?” Fluttershy nodded, before nuzzling into her… husband, I guess.

The next day, I woke up to pure, unfiltered disappointment. When I felt the comforts of a nice, soft bed, I was excited, that maybe, just maybe whatever the fuck just happened was all a dream. Then I woke up in Fluttershy’s bed to the smell of pancakes. They weren’t Celly’s pancakes, there was no Celly laying her wing over my back, a moment away from waking up. No Celly to watch raise the Sun. I felt my heart drop when I didn’t feel my son laying against the side of my belly, asking for five more minutes before we hopped in the chariot and went to Ponyville for school.

I sighed; it’s only been two days for me so far, but it’s likely been a week for them.

If what ‘Discord’ said, my world’s discord was going wild right now… and I can’t be there for Button to keep him safe.

With a groan, I got up, stretched, and walked downstairs.

“Good morning, my little chaos master, how did you sleep?” Discord greeted me… he put salt inside his pancake mix.

“I miss my fiance,” I said. I sighed. “Any clue until those psychos show up?” I asked.

“Oh, they’re going to show up when they show up. You’ll know when you hear Ponyville’s residents start screaming,” Discord shrugged. “All I know is that I will be absent, since I moved Fluttershy somewhere far away from the alicorn carnage.”

“Water has a better chance at existing in the Netherlands than me being able to take down one alicorn, let alone four.”

“Oh please, I saw you take down Princess Cadance, but then you didn’t kill her.” Discord chuckled. “Now,” he sat down and offered me the best tasting pancakes I’ve had that weren’t Celly’s. There’s salt in this, and I frankly don’t care that much, it just somehow tasted good. “There’s also grape jelly in there; the salt helps bring the flavor out if I do say so myself…” He chuckled. “But seriously, my little chaos master. What are humans best at?”

“Killing each other?”

“Besides that.”

“Killing the shit out of animals?”

“And?”

“Thinking?” I asked.

“Yes, that there! Now, I don’t expect you to outright overpower any alicorn besides Princess Cadance with your fancy smancy use of a never seen before spell system, so!” Discord clapped. “Play smarter, not harder, Source Code. You’ll know what to do…” the weirdo started laughing. “Oh, being a good guy and giving advice sure does make me feel tingly inside. And I get to watch the chaos that comes from what you come up with? Ohoho!” Discord sighed. “Also I evacuated everypony to where Princess Cadance was held during her wedding.”

“So in the castle?”

“No, I would give you more details, but I want to also watch what chaos could ensue from what happens during Cadance’s wedding. It’s not something your Celestia actually accounted for, so don’t get mad at her. Seriously, I love Fluttershy more than anything, and I see you feel the same for your Celestia; don’t get mad at her for something she didn’t plan.” Discord dumped a shitload of jalapeno juice on his pancakes and started eating them. “Being seriously out of character sure is fun, isn’t it, Source?”

“The fuck you on about, mate?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Hey, guess what? I know that the princesses are coming here due to the new Bearers also living here, along with one of their few threats, and a hundred and ten year-old unicorn that doesn’t look a day over thirty being living here… So!” Discord smiled. “They’re here, by the way.” Before I could even blink, a spell blasted right through the cottage, and would’ve hit me if it weren’t for the Light Shield. Discord was gone.

“Shit.” I said as the Light Shield forced me to teleport just outside of the blast radius. The cottage was just a crater when my vision caught up with me. Standing before me were… well, Luna, Celestia, Twilight, and Cadance. The last one looked pretty pissed off.

“Aunties, Twilie,” Princess Cadance said as she stepped forward. “Allow me to take this one on, alone. He humiliated me, dropped me on my face, and told me a stupid, ridiculous sob story about how he’s from another world. I want to kill him.” Well, so much for thinking that Cadance was going to be on my side after telling her about missing somepony I love. The other three alicorns looked each other in the eyes, before nodding.

“If you believe you cannot win, you know what to do,” Princess Celestia said. “The rest of us will split up; Twilight go teach your old student a lesson about defying your wishes, would you?”

“Of course, Princess.” Twilight was off in an instant while Luna and Celestia ran off to probably kill some of the ‘fake’ ponies in Ponyville.

Princess Cadance and I stood face to face, a good ten meters away from each other. The Princess started smirking as she started walking forward, with a lot of emphasis on her hips. I think she was trying to distract me and go for a mean blow. I mean, they are nice, but in my world, Cadance is technically my niece, and also… Celly’s were nicer and attached to a mare that was actually a nice pony. I don’t fuck with crazy hoes.

I shrugged and decided to go on the offensive; if this Cadance is anything like my world’s… her defenses leave a lot to be desired. I threw a Lightning at Cadance, before running in. I know, a wise idea to take on an alicorn in a melee derby, but… I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. Cadance blocked my Lightning; her shield cracked a little. As soon as I was in striking distance, Princess Cadance punched me in the face, but didn’t realize that I tend to enchant my head with the most defensive spells possible. I took the punch in the face and felt the equivalent of a bee sting, before headbutting her.

“That’s no way to treat a lady,” Cadance growled, stumbling away while holding her nose. God damn, Cadance is fucking frail. It probably didn’t help that you can essentially use magic as steroids to empower your muscles and hit harder than you should, but… Hey, I think I broke her nose. “I was only going to give you a nice, loving kiss, and make you my slave. Or the kiss would melt you down to the bone; it just depended on how I was feeling, and you go and attack me? Do you not enjoy kisses?”

“Celly and I kiss whenever we are able, yeah. That’s your problem; you ain’t my Celly.” I teleported out away from Cadance. “God, did losing Shining Armor fuck you up that much?”

“Try that and several miscarriages, you fool.” Cadance growled. “Stop bringing his name up, or I will kill you slowly and painfully.”

“So…” I hummed. “You were supposed to use a Flare to call for help, yes?” I tilted my head. “That’s standard ‘I need backup’ in the guard, at least. Somepony had to have taught you that, eh?”

“Like I will need it; you only get by off of cheap shots; there’s no honor to your fighting.”

“You tried to seduce me so you could kiss me to death. That’s hardly any better.” It wasn’t much of a show, either. Again, I don’t fuck with crazy. Well, at least not this kind of crazy, because Celly is definitely a bit crazy… Fuck me. Two beams of magic, Twilight’s magic was immediately noticeable, and another magic that straight up, is the strongest magical signature I’ve felt besides Celestia’s. The magic quickly dissipated, and me and Cadance stopped whatever we were doing. Twilight was facing down some unicorn I’ve never seen before.

She almost looked exactly like Twilight with lighter colors, and a different mane style.

The unicorn quickly noticed me. “GET OUT OF HERE!” Twilight launched a spell at the mystery unicorn while said unicorn was trying to get me to flee. The spell looked like it could kill a pony… It was a Telekinetic blast of the highest caliber. hmm. I used Levitate on Cadance’s tail and wings. I broke the wings, earning an audible snap that made me almost flinch, before throwing Princess Cadance, by the tail, in the path of the blast. I teleported to the mystery unicorn, and teleported us both out of the way.

I looked up to see the result of my labor, and almost wanted to throw up.

Let’s just say… imagine a deer after it got hit by a semi-truck going a hundred down the freeway. What’s more fucked up is that Cadance is still conscious since the spell seemingly only hit half of her body. I grabbed a stick, closed my eyes, and drove it through her head to put her out of her misery… Right as Princess Twilight tried to heal Cadance from something you literally can’t heal somepony from.

“You…” Twilight Sparkle growled. “You killed Cadance!” She snarled as she started digging at the ground with one hoof. I immediately shrunk myself down to the size of a colt; I’ve watched Star Wars a few times, like a nerd, and got an idea from watching Yoda during the first episode lay waste to an army.

“Hey!” The mystery unicorn shouted. “Leave him out of this! He was just defending himself!”

“He had the option of surrendering!’

“Just as Thorax had, Twilight. You slaughtered his Hive in front of him, before Cadance finished him off.” The unicorn growled. “At this point, I think it’s deserved if you get killed.” The unicorn glanced at me. “Starlight Glimmer,” she said.

“Source Code,” I said, my voice being notably squeakier. “We’re going to die, aren’t we?” I said I had an idea from a T.V show. That should tell you how screwed we are.

“No, I don’t think we will be. I can match Princess Twilight, and you seem to be… creative in your fighting style.” We both tried to not look at what was left of Cadance. I had Light Shield up and ready as soon as I noted that… Celestia and Luna had landed. They… were not pleased at seeing Princess Cadance with a stick going through her head.

“We’re fucked…” I hummed and DragonFired away Starlight. If I’m going to die, I ain’t dragging her into this; she had nothing to do with what was going on. “Alright guys,” I said, my now colt-sized body made everything seem so much larger. “I can probably guess that all of you are pretty angry,” I nodded to Twilight. “However…” I teleported out of the way of a spell. The fact that these guys haven’t just grabbed me with Levitation and choked me out or something… Huh.

I could try to Force Choke one of these guys… That sounds like a cool spell name. Yeah, keep thinking of what you could name, choking somepony out with magic, Source, it’ll help you ignore the fact that you just killed somepony. I landed behind just in time for the Light Shield to eat up another attack and actually DragonFire me away. I landed behind Twilight as she got ready to launch another spell at me. Celestia and Luna lit their horns, but held their fire when I teleported onto the purple alicorn’s back and casted a Mirror on her horn.

Essentially, Mirror launches attacks back at you. I did it right as Twilight shot another blast of telekinetic energy to try and get me off of her. The Light Shield luckily saved me from also taking the blunt of Mirror's counter, but Twilight… Mmm, do not turn around, Source. Behind you is not a pretty sight. I sat there, feeling my horn starting to ache again. I haven’t outright attacked anypony yet, but Mirror that redirected that much magic? Along with the Light Shield? I am being driven beyond my limits, and I haven’t even attacked yet.

I was breathing heavily, watching Luna and Celestia as they started calculating their next moves; they’re being cautious now.

“We can still talk this out.” I said calmly. “Because for all your superiority with magic, spells, and combat knowledge… there is something you will never, ever understand…” I placed a hoof to my chest and took a deep breath. I think it’s time to pull something out of my ass that hopefully sounds like something from Doctor Who. “I am Source Code. I’m not a pony. I want to go home and see my future wife and play with my foal. If you get in the way of me doing that, I will move you aside, peacefully, or not.”

“You seriously think that you are going to talk your way out of this?” Princess Celestia asked. “You killed my niece and my old student. Do you really, really think you will be able to make me calm down?”

“I know. I’m from another version of this timeline, lady. I’m friends with those two in my timeline. Do you think I wanted to see one of them blasted to shit, or the other one blowing herself up? No. No I didn’t. Did I want to? No. You aren’t giving me much of a choice in what I want to do, though. I tried keeping Cadance, peacefully, but she decided to leave a tracking spell on me, and you guys found me a few days after she fled.” My Light Shield moved me out of the way of a Fireball.

“I know how you fight, Princess. I’ve sparred with my timeline’s you. I know she held back a lot, a lot. This time, I have to try extra hard to not get hit…” I chuckled humorlessly. “I’ve found a way to never, ever get hit by a spell unless I run out of magic, or fucking get my horn blown up.” I hummed, before picking up a rock, and casted a Teleport on it and myself to experiment. Experiment done, I know how I’m going to off Princess Luna, now… God, that does not sound good to me, man.

I love Luna, she’s the cutest little dork I’ve ever met.

This Luna is a horrible pony, though.

Sure, neither Lulu or Celly are saints, but they are still good ponies at the end of the day. I literally met Luna and Celestia after they genocided some random village for fun.

“Come at me, bro.” I said, preparing two Teleports. Both sisters started fighting as a well powered team, one would go in to melee me, then back out as the other launched a spell my way. The only thing keeping me alive was the fact that I was so small as a colt, my Light Shield being pushed beyond what I expected it to stop, and well-timed teleports to get out of the way of their swords. I started watching their attack patterns. So Celestia goes in first, most of the time to try and hit me with a sword and backs out. Luna blasts at me with magic, and then follows it up with her own onslaught.

…

“Huh.” I hummed as I landed, all three of us paused.

“What? Did you realize that fighting back is futile?” Princess Luna asked.

“No. I just thought of something… rather cute, even if it kinda isn’t with who is doing it.” I wasn’t gonna say it, don’t wanna fuck my own plans up but… Even in a universe where Celestia is a fucking psycho, she still fights in a manner that effectively only puts her in danger. And Luna does her best to keep Celestia out of danger… I think that’s how Celly and Lulu fight, except they work way better as a team because they aren’t psychotic, and genuinely want to make sure that the other is unharmed after a big fight.

I’m assuming that at least.

“You think this is cute?” Celestia asked. She pointed her sword at me. “Try this.” She ran in, getting ready to probably stab me in the head or something… Just as she brought her sword up, I casted a Teleport on Luna, and teleported to where Luna was standing… Ow. Ow. Ow. Fuck. Teleporting alicorns is not good for your horn, as it turned out. Princess Celestia and Luna stared at each other, one in horror, the other was in shock. Well, a fading shock. Princess Celestia watched as her sister’s life left her eyes, like it was the only thing going on… right as I took Luna’s sword in my own magic and jammed it into the back of Celestia's head as well.

Princess Celestia slumped over, leaving Princess Luna, who was somehow still alive, even if she couldn’t do anything to overcome the sword in her chest.

“I am so, so sorry, Luna.” I said. “Truly, this hurts me more than it hurts you…” I sighed as I yanked the sword out of the Moon Princess, and turned around to walk away. Only to fall upon the sight of the severely mangled bodies of the other two alicorns… I teleported away from the battlefield and started throwing up. I leaned against the side of a wall, I don’t know what the fuck it was, but… Holy shit. I started trembling; I killed four people! But they were awful people! I could’ve talked them down… if they were willing to listen. I… I threw up some more and started coughing.

My horn hurts, that’s the main thing I noticed aside from my tears.

Watching as Luna, no matter what timeline Luna is in, watching the life leave her eyes as she’s in too much pain to do anything other than stare ahead at nothing in shock… Stabbing Celestia in the head… I don’t even want to think about what I did to Cadance or Twilight. Oh… my god…

“I’m alive at least,” I coughed. “God damn,” I hope I can get Celly to wipe my mind by two days; I don’t want to remember this. I don’t even like fighting that much, and I like to think I can be relatively peaceful and nice… And I just killed four people that were literally just alternate reality versions of the ponies I loved. I shivered as I felt Starlight standing behind me.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“...You took down four alicorns,” she pointed out.

“I don’t like what I did.”

“But… they were committing genocide! They went mad, and thought about trying to exterminate all of Equestria because they were bored! You saved ponykind!”

“I know,” I whispered. “I fucking know. I also know this is not my reality, and that I’ve killed four people that I call close friends, or even a lover in the case of Princess Celestia.” I shivered. “I think it’s just the fact that I killed anyone at all. I really didn’t like…” I almost threw up again at the memory of Cadance.

“...Oh.” Starlight whispered and wrapped a hoof around my neck. “I see.” She nuzzled me. “If we can’t send you home, would you consider taking up the mantle?” She asked.

“Why?” I asked.

“You… have a pair of wings and a horn. Those weren’t there when you teleported me away with thst odd spell.”

“Oh…” I looked down at them and shrugged. “Well.” I said. “I suppose, but only if I cannot go home. I need to go home, and I just want to curl up into a ball under my Celly’s wing, and possibly get some therapy.”

“...Alright.” Starlight sighed. “Well, when you’re ready, come find me, and we’ll begin trying to find your home timeline.”

I lied underneath an apple tree. It's been at least a week since I fought and killed the four previous rulers of Equestria in this timeline. I didn’t feel any better; Discord hasn’t made due on his promise of sending me home, and Starlight is struggling to find my timeline. No Apple Jack; she’s apparently long dead in this timeline. No Big Mac, no Pinkie to make me feel better. Nothing. I took a whiff of the air as Fluttershy laid down beside me.

“Hello, Source.”

“Heya Flutters.” I waved. “Sorry if I’m not very talkative. I…”

“I know. Would… Would you like a hug?” She asked. She lifted her wing, and… you know what? A hug sounds great right now. I nodded and Fluttershy wrapped her wing around me and pulled me close. “It couldn’t have been easy, physically or emotionally, could it?” My silence was the only answer I could give. “I… I have had to put some animals down when they get sick, and it never felt good. Taking a life never feels good, Source, even if it might have been necessary for survival, or an animal is too sick to keep going and only knows pain, or if it’s a life or death situation… When you get home, please, please seek help. Don’t have somepony erase your memory of these events; they are what makes a pony a pony.”

“I won’t… Where’s your husband?”

“Right here,” Discord’s lion paw came down on my head. “I see you…” he cleared her throat. “Were a lot more violent with your approach to resolving the issue than I would have thought.” The fucker patted my head, which admittedly felt good; I needed some sort of comfort right now. “I’ll send you home. As my wife said, seriously go seek some help. You can tell your timeline’s Celestia, Luna, anypony. They will understand and be there for you, as friends should.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Discord.” I got up from under Fluttershy’s wing. “And… Even if I don’t like the results, or the process of meeting my end of the deal, thank you for at least giving me a definitive way out of this nightmare of a timeline.”

“You may say what you want,” Fluttershy started. “But Discord makes due on his deals.” She glared at Discord. “Even if he ends up sleeping on the couch for getting a poor stallion traumatized over them.” She nuzzled me. “Take care, Source Code. When you see your fiance, give her the biggest, warmest hug you can muster; I am willing to bet that she’ll need it.” Discord snapped his paw, and I simply nodded. I gave a hug to Fluttershy, even if she wasn’t my Fluttershy, Fluttershy looked like she could use a hug no matter the timeline.

“See you two around, hopefully.” I walked through the portal as the world around me started to fade to white.

The first thing I noted was… I was back in the Mage Tower. Celestia was in the Portal Room, every portal had been shut down, apparently, save for the one I had just walked out of. I had my wings folded up, so she wouldn’t immediately notice them. I was so fucking relieved to see her; Button wasn’t here, but I would make damn sure to let my colt have a week off from school if he desired it, just so he and I can catch up again.

“WE DID IT!” One of the Portal Ponies cheered. “WE BROUGHT HIM BACK!”

“SOURCE!” Celestia broke into the Royal Canterlot Voice before tackling me. “I checked in every single sun forsaken day to see if it was wonderful…” She looked me in the eyes. “Where did you get sent?” She knew something was wrong with me immediately. “You’ve grown wings, yet you look… distant. You look…”

“I…” I cleared my throat and started crying into her chest. “Oh my fucking god. Thank the lord that I have you back in my hands.” I cried into her for a good thirty minutes while I sloppily and tearfully retold what had essentially only been a week for me. I know that a month’s definitely passed, according to Discord, for Celly, but she seemed so… attentive to listening to me, and refused to let me go after I told her the full tale.

“...I see.” Celestia hugged me tighter. “I am making sure you get therapy for this, Source. No putting it off, or asking me or Luna to do it for you. I am booking you an appointment with the royal therapist, and I am forcing you to go, alright?”

“That would be the best course of action for me, Celly… Though it’s been a month for you and Button. Tell me about it; it’ll at least take my mind off of everything, and I genuinely want to know. You put so much time into just listening to my problems, Celly. Tell me yours, please.” As Celly began to retell how she and Button had been taking the news of me being involved in yet another magical accident, they definitely took it horribly. Apparently, in my memory, since I could’ve been as good as dead, my students all took to their studies and worked on their magic like hell in my honor; they knew I wouldn’t want them to stop magic as a whole.

Button had improved so much, and… I simply just listened, and soon, it was my chest being cried while Celestia tearfully told me how scared she was during the Discord incident. Somehow, Button was entirely unharmed or phased; Discord left him alone for some reason. Overall, the two of us had been through Tartarus and we were both happy to just be done with it. Celly promptly brought me to the castle’s therapist, where I spent a good two hours in.

It didn’t help initially, but I knew therapy was a long term thing.

When I saw Button, the tears that I thought I could no longer shed from me crying so damn much ended up falling. “I missed you, Dad…” Button whispered as we both laid on the couch, I was on my side, holding my son up to my cheek as the two of us snuggled. Celly had joined us shortly afterwards, and moved everything off schedule for the next week so we all could spend it together, and so she could make sure I could get those therapy sessions. Pinkie stopped by at some point and said she would host a party during that week…

Pinkie’s never failed to bring me out of my funk with her parties, since I’ve only gone to one party so far, but… I was willing to give it a try. Anything to make me just feel better. I’ve got my Celly, I got my colt, Luna even came by when she figured out I was home and took a week off of ruling as well… She knew what happened, Celly told her at some point while I was having therapy.

Having everypony I loved, since Cadance and Shiny stopped by too, certainly helped. It felt so much better to be seeing the ponies that I love in one piece, and not completely evil, unredeemable monsters… I am going to need this week with all of them, after all.

For my first night back, though, I was feeling just a lot better to be in a pony pile with Cadance, Celly, Shiny, Button, and Lulu. Pinkie even joined us, since she also made it her goal to get me to genuinely smile throughout this week.

“And that’s why the chicken crossed the road…” Pinkie said.

“You didn’t even…” I chuckled, heartily chuckled. “Okay, just saying that out of the blue, Pinkie, good one.” Pinkie did a cute little hoof pump; she succeeded on my first night back at getting me to smile at least once. With Pinkie, therapy, and pony piles… I still won’t mentally recover, but I think I’ll be able to move on.

“I’m going to host two parties this week, by the way. One for welcoming you back to our timeline, and then the next for you being the newest alicorn! I would roll it into one big party, but it’s going to be two, big parties. That way I get two, huge opportunities to make you smile!”

…I forgot that I grew wings.

Author's Notes:

this is probably the most ambitious chapter I've ever written. I wanted Source to take down four alicorns, but not through actively overpowering them, but through clever use of spells, his own ingenuity, and overall, quick thinking. not one alicorn during his battle actually died from Source beating them in combat or through Source overpowering them.

I obviously believe that Cadance, even if she became evil, would probably be the weakest of the alicorns. Twilight has an affinity for magic, Celestia and Luna have been alive for thousands of years to hone their skills. So I believe she would be the first to go down in a fight out of the four. Twilight, seems to be the second easiest to me to take down, if you don't work on a textbook application of magic. thanks to this Twilight never experiencing Python, she had no clue what half the spells that Source used were. Celestia and Luna... were the toughest for me to figure out how to get them killed in this timeline.

I figured that they would fight well as a team, with Celestia usually taking the lead to protect her younger sister; once the older sibling, always the older sibling, after all. From there it was just a matter of Source being able to teleport either of them, namely Luna due to her being significantly smaller than Celestia thus easier to teleport, into one of Celestia's attacks.

and if Celestia wasn't shocked that she ended up hitting Luna during the fight, Source was flat out of magic to do anything beyond Levitation; he woulda died.

and he definitely would've died if a certain Chaos god hadn't... given him a small boost in power and stamina. under normal circumstances, Light Shield would've been used so much that Source would've ran out of magic and gotten obliterated.

so now Source is an alicorn. that's going to be fun. he's also... just a little shook by what he did. just a tad; I'm joking. Source is mentally ruined now. I'll try to keep him the same bumbling idiot that we know and love, just... shaken. like keeping sharp objects far, far away from Luna or Celestia, and possibly start writing him in a bit more of a... mature manner from here on out. Source is gonna be... less humoress when it comes to things in the future.

i've also added a few warnings because of this chapter. along with a few others that should've been there to begin with.

i'm quite happy with how this turned out. even if it left my boy traumatized.