The Best Night EVER(it wasn't)
Promptly after Hearth’s Warming Eve, Hearth’s Warming, and subsequent shitshow of weather (tons and tons of snow), December rolled around. Unlike the calendar popularized by the Romans, which is twelve months long, Equestria has ten months. Apparently somepony tried making it twelve months with two months being named after Celestia and Luna, though the guy who proposed the idea was killed by mysterious reasons, or just murder, he was stabbed forty seven times in the chest by a teenage dragon mercenary or something. Anyways, ponies apparently know what Latin is, since all the months have the same names as the ones on earth, even if some of them are actually a bunch of shitty pony puns instead of the original ones. For instance, January is called Prancuary for no reason.
I pointed this out to Celly and she called me bald.
Anywho, the Grand Galloping Gala, something that’s supposed to celebrate the day that Canterlot was finished being constructed, which was the twenty first of December, which didn’t have a pony-version name for it, so it was just December. It’s basically a big, fancy smancy ball that Celly has to host, so we can’t spend the whole thing together… Except Luna agreed to take over the role of greeting guests so that the two of us could dance… Well, she’s trying to convince Sun Butt, because Sun Butt is being stupid, to let her.
“Just let me, sister, did you not buy a nice, fancy dress so that you could smite Source with how beautiful you’d look in it? You stressed over that, and then you choose to stand by the door where you cannot sweep your coltfriend off his hooves and dance. Tonight is the night that you two announce your engagement and wedding day, and you wanted it to be special. So allow me to greet those snobs at the front door.”
“Lulu, you do not understand, I personally invited everypony and-”
“You have a coltfriend that probably would love to dance with you; I’ve made him take dance lessons in order to not embarrass himself.” That was a lie, she was going to sneak away from greeting ponies to take a photo of when I trip on my tail while dancing. "So explain to me, Tia, why you would waste such an opportunity on greeting ponies you don’t like all that much, when you’ve the love of your life right there. One that might be able to stick around longer than your last mates?”
I raised my hoof. “What does that mean?” I asked.
“SHUT UP!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DEAR!”
Celly and Lulu stopped and blushed when they realized what they just did, and went back to yelling at each other. I slowly lowered my hoof to the ground and kept sitting like a stupid little puppy watching its owners, who are dating but aren’t married, argue over something stupid. Except it was two siblings calling each other age appropriate things like ‘doodoo head’ and ‘shit for brains’ or ‘horse’ which is a slur by the way. I just need to point that out, because it was happening in the middle of the Gala Ballroom, the ballroom specifically only ever used for the Gala, in the middle of preparations. So a bunch of the work crew and palace staff responsible for setting up the Gala were just sitting there, watching their princesses call each other slurs because Celly won’t just agree to letting Luna do one of her duties.
I ended up zoning out for a good five minutes until. “WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR COLTFRIEND IF HE WANTS TO DANCE WITH YOU!?” Luna shouted, bringing me out of my trance of looking around the room and snickering at all the ponies’ jaws on the floor, that remained there because this whole thing had been going on for thirty minutes.
“FINE!” Celestia stomped over to me, nuzzled me, and whispered. “Sorry about telling you to ‘shut the fuck up’, but Lulu and I are having a disagreement, as siblings usually do. Would you like to dance with me at the Gala?” Celly forgot that most siblings don’t both drop into the Canterlot Royal Voice while arguing with each other. The whole city could hear them argue.
“Yeah. It’s going to be one of the first balls I actually get to attend with you, and I’ll get to show you the wedding bracelets I bought for us, with some financial help from your sister. Then when the night is said and done, we help each other out of our respective suit and dress, and get… a little funky. If you know what I mean,” I bobbed my eyebrows.
“I do…” Celestia giggled. “Though I heard from my sources that you like a mare who can dress in a nice suit, so I believe the two of us will be helping each other out of our suits when the Gala is over. Again, sorry for yelling at you, Source. Allow me to go call my sister just one more slur, and we’ll go grab Button and drop him off at Apple Jack’s place so he can at least have a sleepover with his friends during the Gala. Then you can see me in my suit, does that sound fair?”
“...If I get to see you in a suit, hell yeah it does. Gala’s tomorrow, right?”
“Of course. It’s why Luna chose to argue with me now instead of tomorrow, since…" She looked around the room. “We’ve both said unladylike things. So I believe that these little ponies will be mentally broken, as you would say, for a little while." Celly went over, whispered something probably racist into her sister’s ear, and Luna did a cute little hoof pump; she wanted more royal duties and it would be for her sister’s benefit this time. So… Yeah, I guess I owe Luna some whisky later for making it happen.
“I owe you whisky,” Luna said, before teleporting away. Nevermind on giving her whisky then.
Shortly after that, Celestia came back with Button on her back, who was wearing the cute little saddlebags, and the fedora from his Nightmare Night costume. He waved at me before hopping off Celly’s back, much to her dismay; she loved carrying Button around, but Button also liked riding around on my head. My son climbed up onto my neck and rested his cheek on the back of my skull, and let out a cute little, long sigh.
“Heya kiddo, ready to go spend the next couple of days, and several nights with your friends in Ponyville?”
“Yeah Dad. Why can’t I go to the Grand Galloping Gala?”
“I’ll let you go when you’re older; if they knew you were my kid, and I was marrying Celly sometime next year, then a bunch of old farts would be introducing their daughters, most of which are probably rabid, to you. I know you’ve got your sights set on Sweetie Belle, so when you two are older, you can invite her along to the Gala as your plus one, eh? Bet she’d love that.”
“How much older is ‘when you’re older’ for this, Dad? You said that when I asked to try whisky.”
“Around when you’re twelve, so give it three years, Button. I bet you’d love to see Sweetie Belle in a dress, eh?”
“...Dad, I can smack you in the back of the head from here. Don’t make me do it; you’re broken.”
“Can’t an old man tease his son about his fillyfriend?”
Thwack.
“Hey now, I just think it’s cute.” I argued. I barely felt the smack, but it was just hard enough for me to notice.
“Dad.”
“Alright, I’ll tease you and Sweetie Belle when we drop you off. Sounds good?”
“...I hate you,” Button said. Him nuzzling into my mane says he means the opposite, so I let that slide. I love my kid too much, and my kid apparently adores me if that Nightmare Night costume is anything to go by… Sweetie Belle apparently said she liked it when Button wore a fedora, and I called him adorable in it… Oh my fucking god, he’s trying to appease is ‘fillyfriend’. They’re too young to actually be dating, but they basically are ‘dating’ in my eyes. It’s more like a middle school dating thing than a full blown dating thing.
Though from what I hear, most of the married couples I meet were either childhood sweethearts, or met shortly after becoming adults.
We hopped off the chariot about twenty minutes later, just outside of Sweet Apple Acres. We were just in time to see… Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, being escorted by Rainbow Dash and Rarity. In their saddlebags were… oh hey, they actually kept my gifts from Hearth’s Warming! As in the copies of where the Red Fern Grows. I happily trotted up and greeted them, Button was still firmly on my back until the fillies caught sight of him. The three foals happily greeted each other, and started running ahead, past Celly who was walking off to say ‘hello’ to Granny Smith. I fell in line with Rainbow and Rarity as we started trotting along. Despite Rainbow looking like she wanted to go faster…
“Hey Rainbow, you wanted to dart off after those kids, didn’t ya?” I asked.
“I did… but you kind of… accidentally taught me something important. You… you seem to take your time with things for some reason, save for adopting Button or falling in love with Princess Celestia. I figured… sometimes taking things slow isn’t too bad most of the time. You were singing to yourself during the Running of the Leaves, something about stopping and smelling the roses. It was… nice, honestly. And taking the time to watch Squirt,” Rainbow jerked her head forward to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle pinning Button down and tickling the crap out of him. “Be a foal, like the little sister I wish I had, it’s nice.”
“That… is the most ‘sappy’ thing I’ve ever heard from Rainbow Dash,” Rarity mused. “Almost…” Rarity smirked when Rainbow inevitably yelled ‘shut up Rarity’.
“Wait, shit. You heard me sing,” I said, looking a little panicked. “Well, I guess I’ll have to kill you, Dashie. That’s a shame, you are pretty cool bro material, not gonna lie. But then you had to hear me sing… shit, AJ heard me too, guess I’m gonna have to kill her as well. I’m sure the foals would understand.”
“Wait a second, deary,” Rarity said, stepping in my tracks. “You… can sing?” Rarity asked. “Sweet Celestia, Source. I know you had a hoof in some of the snacks during Hearth’s Warming that were simply marvelous, you are beyond talented with magic, and you can sing? You must show me and the rest of the girls at the Gala tomorrow night.”
“No… I do like singing, but… I only do it on special occasions. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo’s heard me sing; they’ll tell you that I was perfectly okay at it.”
“I don’t know much about singing, or music in general,” Rainbow Dash chimed in. “But I would say you were more than okay at it.”
“Eh, I’m more of a magician than a singer or a cook. I just picked up those two things from me Dad and my Mum; Dad was a cook ‘til he passed away, and Ma’ forced me into… a choir group until my pa passed away. I can do both, but… They don’t really scream at me the way magic does. I just… try my best in those other two things, and hope the results aren’t terrible.” I yawned. “Fuck, waking up to Celly being gone, only to hear her yell, no scream at Luna about greeting ponies at six in the morning sure does wonders to ya, lemme tell you…”
We reached the door, and Granny Smith demanded a hug, which I was more than happy with giving, before she resumed her conversation with Celly. A quick few goodbyes to my son, along with AJ being dragged off to read to them before they end up going to sleep, and me and Celly were heading back to Canterlot within thirty minutes of us initially landing in Ponyville.
The next day, I was testing something out, namely trying to perform magic without my horn. You see, I got done early, getting ready for The Grand Galloping Gala that is. I wanted to make sure I had an out in case I couldn’t use my horn for one reason or another. Since griffins seem dead set on trying to kidnap me, I figured it would be best to have a backup plan or two. For starters, I’ve been learning how to use a dagger without the use of my horn recently in the guard training exercises I usually partake in. However, a dagger ain't gonna do much when my foes have natural knives on their forelegs.
Having my magic, even if it’s weaker, is important to me no matter the situation…
I’m becoming too reliant on magic, man.
Anyways, I’ve learnt that I can technically do magic with a bit, it’s just not a very good idea. Most of the spells casted with a bit seem to be a lot weaker and you can only do basic stuff like levitation. So if I had to fight my way out, whoopie! I’m fucked! Luckily, magic prohibiting rings are a unicorn invention and are usually only kept by ponies; those were never particularly widespread and require a series of spells that stops magic from escaping the horn… and needs a unicorn to be able to recharge those spells and inscriptions… In other words, griffins shouldn’t have those on standby.
If they do, you can still use magic to remove the prohibiting ring. Since the rings usually, and only check if the pony wearing the ring is trying to remove it with their own hooves, not if they’re using their magic to remove it, and understandably so. Eitherway, it’s a design flaw that I am going to tell Celly about… after I make use of it. Because if I get kidnapped, I don’t want somepony patching that out of magic prohibiting rings and fucking me over in the long run. Most unicorns can’t even cast spells without their horns, and bits… are horrible staffs.
Yes, actual staffs for spell casting exist, and are almost as good as a unicorn horn and can be used by earth ponies and pegasi, they just fell out of practice after the tribes united. Technically gold or silver are really good for unicorn horn alternatives, and if a unicorn’s horn is snapped off, assuming they don’t die from that happening, gold and steel can be used as a prosthetic horn of sorts. A bit is made out of gold, but not a lot of it, so it’s just a really shitty staff if anypony knows what they are doing with it.
I barely know what I’m doing with it, but hey, Python works with it.
Anyways, I was told by a guard, who was relaying a message from Celly, that I was to go fuck off to the castle’s front door. As it turned out, it was taking my marefriend a little too long to get changed into her gala suit, since I don’t think she’s worn a proper suit before. Anyways, I DragonFired to the front entrance of the castle, where nobles were… Why the heck is everyone singing? I paused as Twilight and her friends started rolling up while singing, a highly, highly orchestral piece played. Fluttershy really wanted to meet all the assholes in the gardens, also known as the castle’s ‘pets’. Wowzers. Apple Jack’s gonna try to sell a bunch of apple treats. While I do respect the hustle, most of the food at the Gala is not only going to be a lot cheaper than the Apples’ typical pricing, at an equal or an arguably higher quality, but also most of the food’s proceeds go to charity. I get that Granny Smith needs a new hip, and the Apple Family could upgrade their barn, but I don’t think AJ’s gonna be super successful tonight.
Sadly. I would go warn her, but like, it feels like something is trying to make me sing too.
Rarity’s gonna try and sleep with a noble… you poor woman, you do not want to sleep with any of the nobles. I guess she can look just as regal as an alicorn when she’s trying, but the problem with that is… nobles are going to tear into that poor mare. Mmm, I really wish whatever the fuck is making this music play wasn’t keeping me from speaking, instead, it forced me into a choir that was going on about how wonderful the Gala was. Holy hell, Rainbow Dash’s part is cool, but just as delusional.
Needless to say, Twilight and her friends were probably going to be rudely awaken to how shite this party is gonna be-
“At the Gala!” WHY AM I SINGING!?
“With the princess!” I DO NOT WANT TO SING THIS.
“The two of us will dance!” I teleported a bottle of whisky to myself and downed it to keep me from singing.
Then I ended up singing the Rocky Road to Dublin again and ruined the song. I took several, long deep breaths after emptying the bottle. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” I shouted.
“What was what, dear?” Rarity asked, walking up to me. Great, nobody’s acknowledging the highschool musical- I take that back, what just played was a lot better than anything highschool musical has in its soundtrack, but my point stands. Nobody’s acknowledging what just happened. Besides the glares that some of the ponies were giving me for ruining the song with my Irish, drunk arse.
“...Forget it. I’m just going to go inside; I’ve got a fast pass because Celly decided that she wanted to do a big reveal with her dress, since tonight’s going to be pretty important to us both.”
“Oh, well, do not let me stop you, darling. Go right ahead! The rest of the girls also have ‘fast passes’ so we can skip the line too. I’ll try to meet you again tonight, hopefully in the hooves of my brand new coltfriend!” I waved at her before walking past the line, up to where Luna had… decided to wear a dress that looked like something Celly would wear. On the front of her chest was a golden medallion in the shape of the Sun that held the dress together. The collar of the dress was short, white, and only went up to cover the base of her neck. From there, it was mostly just a light blue dress that hugged her barrel, but had slits in it so it wouldn’t be pressing her wings against her sides in an uncomfortable manner. It spreaded out into a light green skirt that covered up her rear end, and draped down over her tail in a lighter shade of blue than the ‘tube’ of the dress.
Luna was pretty.
“Good evening, Lulu,” I bowed.
"Good evening, Cody,” Luna nodded. “Yes, Pinkie gave me that nickname so I can tease you in public.”
“Good luck with that, I like that nickname. Super close to… what my name once was, y’know?” I chuckled. “Lookin’ good Lulu. Trying to ensnare a poor stallion, or mare, tonight?”
“Hopefully; I do wish to find another mate at some point. I must say, you look rather dashing in your suit.” It was the one that Rarity had made for me many a while ago. It’s, in my opinion, just a simple, black suit. It obviously had a few details, like the cuffs having buttons in them that had ones and zeroes to match my cutie mark, the necktie was a pleasant yellow, and the breast pocket actually had a Sun patch sewed into it to let everypony know who owns this stupid stallion.
“I try my best on important nights. Any clue what Celly’s suit’s gonna look like? All she told me was that she was going to wear a suit, and that was it.”
“I do; we both picked it out, and I have seen her in it. I will say, you will probably love what you see, whether she was in her birthday suit, her regalia, a dress, or a suit like she will be wearing tonight. All I can say is I thought she was beautiful, and you will probably find her drop dead gorgeous. So go, enjoy your night and don’t spend too long around the nobles…” She leaned in. “I saw you drink whisky to interrupt the Harmony Magic; go annoy a noble while you’re drunk and I will give you a very, very loving hug later.”
SHE ACKNOWLEDGED WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MUSCIAL NUMBER WAS! THANK THE LORD!
…
I needed more whisky, but I ran out after that last bottle.
“I only had one bottle; that ain’t enough to get this guy drunk, Luna.”
“Oh, phewy, I forgot about how unreasonably tolerant you are of alcohol. Go enjoy your night, Celestia will be down at the Gala once she is ready in… the next hour and a half. Unfortunately for Twilight’s goals at the Gala tonight. Go hide somewhere, give Twilight an hour with her teacher, and then you can make a toast later and announce that you and Tia are engaged.” Luna nuzzled me. “Go unleash your accent on a noble, actually. That will break their brain.” Good point, Luna. Will do since I can’t get drunk anymore… Damn stupid song, making me waste the whisky. You’re lucky that I liked the song, harmony magic, until I started having to sing my own verse.
So it turned out that… I was popular. Lo and behold, the nobles spread rumours, and because I occasionally come into daycourt to help Celly out, as miniscule my help is, while under her wing, or me being seen in public with Princess Luna, or the dozens of news headlines talking about how close I was with the Royal Pony Sisters’ from me calling Luna nicknames in public, to mine and Celly’s first ‘date’ where she kissed me in front of a bunch of patrons in a cafe. Add on that I was the princess(es) rumoured plaything, dunno how since I’ve only ever been seen kissing one of the princesses in public.
Anyways, I was surrounded by nobles on all sides of a little, circular table I had taken refuge at. “So, Code, can I call you Code?” one of the nobles sat around it, wrapped a foreleg around me and pulled me close to him. He’s a unicorn, a rather boring coloration. Brown fur, darker brown mane and tail. He has a monocle, a top hat, and a stupidly tacky looking, black suit. “You’ve been rather quiet, surely a stallion of your… stature, has some interesting tales!” I was the shortest pony here, I am literally a midget.
“I don’t like talking about myself much. What is there to tell?” I almost started saying I take care of my son, but I don’t want this sick fuck sicking his daughters, if they exist, on Button while he’s out and about on the streets when he gets older.
“Well, there are rumours that you are getting awful… cosy with the princesses,” the noble, who I am going to call Billy until I can remember his name, said with a smile. “I’m sure you have a tail with such a track record. Two alicorns?”
“I’m only dating Princess Celestia. Not both. Luna’s more like an older, or younger, sibling depending on how we’re both feeling at any particular moment while we hang out.” I sighed. I wanted to go get an apple pie from Apple Jack. Fuck it, fuck these guys. I got up.
“Where are you going, Code?”
“Stop calling me Code, please.” I said. “I’m getting something to snack on; I’ve not eaten anything since breakfast and it’s nearing eleven thirty.”
“Oh, of course! Mind if we walk with you?” This new noble was a mare that was trying to get under my pants. God damn gold diggers; I don’t even have money! Celly does and sometimes lets me use her personal funds on whisky… Okay, that’s a lie, I have free reign of her personal funds, but I don’t like using them. Everypony here is just trying to gain favours. I quickly found Apple Jack, and sighed in relief, and she looked excited when she saw me, despite the clear lack of business she was having.
The group of nobles were still tailing me.
“Howdy dere, Source. How’re you enjoying the Gala?”
I think the alcohol I had, you know the whole fucking liter, was starting to make me a little tipsy, just a little. My accent was nice and loose as I spoke. “Eh, it’s been better. I’m glad to finally speak to a pony with their head out of their ass. How much for an apple log?” That was the apple pie thing I suggested AJ and her family makes. Just think of a Maccers apple pie but with crack in it.
“You don’t gotta pay, Source. Again, we Apples don’t charge family friends.”
“And you haven’t seen a lot of business. Here,” I pulled a bag of bits out, something Celly gives me once a month, it’s like five hundred bits or something, and gave it to her. It’s enough to buy half the amount of land that Sweet Apple Acres was sitting on. More like a quarter, or something, I just knew it was a lot. “Take that, and give me an apple log whenever I stop by; I’ll be stopping by a lot, maybe with Celly since she’s been craving one of those things ever since I recreated a shitty version of your recipe for her. She wants genuine Apple Family Quality food, not my meager attempts at cooking.” Apple Jack was just looking in the bag with her jaws slacked.
“Uh… alright, Source. How many are you taking this time around?”
“Gimme two logs, please. Half the food here is ass,” I had a weird cucumber thing and it tasted like somebody filled it with shite and called it food. I know the proceeds go to charity, but those five hundred bits I get from Celly every month ends up being used on a bottle of whisky, or four, and then given to charity. I’m a simple man, give me booze, a loving lass to snuggle with every night, and the cutest little colt that makes for the best son that I could ever ask for… and what more could I want?
I can engage in my hobbies, namely spell (system) development, as I please and have a simple job in teaching foals what I make. Apple Jack’s family could genuinely use the bits; it’s the cold season and they don’t make as many bits during this season, and often ride off the high of the initial bulk sales of apples after harvest to carry them throughout the winter. Apple’s family was stupidly rich, but most of their money was being used to keep the farm running before they could harvest their crops and sell’em in various forms.
“Well, here you go, Source,” Apple Jack handed me two logs that I happily took in my magic. One bite made my eyes widen.
“I swear, this has to be crack in your food, AJ. There is no reason why y’all are so damn good at cooking.” Remember what I said about Gala food being almost as good, or better than AJ’s cooking? Yeah, no, that’s not true in my brain anymore. My stupid rich ‘friends’ saw what I was doing, and immediately stormed AJ, paid her bits and got some sort of apple treat. After each one took a bite, their eyes widened, before doing their best to scarf down the treats while not looking like anything less than a regal pony.
Apple Jack’s face was now smiling brightly as her jar for bits was being filled up so quickly that she needed another jar.
“Say AJ, you got any cider? Like that good, good shit. Not the non-alcoholic stuff you sell on cider day-” I was given a whole bottle of extra strong, alcoholic cider. I open my mouth to argue about paying for it. I was given the stink eye because Jack knew what I was about to say and she wasn’t having any of it. I shrugged and walked deeper back into the ballroom where I found a stallion that was generous, seeing as he was barely as old as I was. He just looked awkward and out of place; I could tell he was probably some rich dude’s kid that got forced into coming to the Gala.
Bright orange coat, black suit, red and yellow mane and tail. He looked fucking cool.
Given that I am biologically nineteen or twenty, this guy was young.
“Howdy,” I said, walking up to him. I still had my second apple log. “Hating the Gala?”
“Yeah… Mother dragged me here, since she knew I didn’t have a marefriend yet, and figured she could get me hooked up with one of her friends’ fillies. I hate parties; I would much rather be at home!” The stallion looked around, before looking back at me. “Why’d you come to me?”
“We’re ‘round the same age-”
“I’m straight.”
“So am I,” I gestured to where Celly just walked in before my jaw hit the damn floor. She’s wearing a suit. She’s wearing a sleek, black suit, an Irish Cap that she had to have made for the outfit. She had a white undershirt under the suit and a very, very nice little bowtie with the sun emblemized in the button. I am going to fuck her so damn hard after the Gala, I swear to god. I stared before chuckling. I guess my new friend was staring slack jawed. Twilight was with her happily soaking in being able to hangout with her teacher and second mother. Twilight glanced in my direction, waved, and kept on going. I even saw Celly glance my way. I just gestured for her to just give Twilight the time; she was looking forward to it.
In the corner of my eye, I could see Shining and Cadance going at it. No, not sex, they were just enjoying a slow dance.
“Oh fuck, I am the luckiest stallion in the world…” I whispered. My new friend heard me, unfortunately.
“YOU’RE THE STALLION THOSE RUMOURS ARE ABOUT?!” He whispered-shouted.
“Eeyup.”
“Dear Celestia… How’d you score her?”
“Fuck if I know, my man. If I knew, I’d tell you.”
“Dude… You lucky son of an ass.” He chuckled. “I’m Fabled Tale, by the way. I can safely assume that you’re Source Code?”
“Damn, the rumours even mention my name.” I nodded. “You aren’t jumping to get favours?”
“I don’t care about that stuff, dude. I just wanna stay home and work on my creative writing. Besides, you’re not making a huge deal out of you dating the princess, so I won’t make a big deal. You clearly don’t want to draw more attention to yourself than necessary.” I like this guy.
“Mmm, you say you write?” He nodded. “Bring any of what you wrote?”
“...No. Why?” I hummed and tilted my head.
“Can I use a diagnostic spell on you? I could probably pick up where your house is with your magical signature, and then find your room, and by extension what you wrote. In other words, I can teleport your work to you.”
“Uh… It won’t hurt, will it?”
“It’s experimental stuff that I’ve never been able to test, but it shouldn’t hurt.”
“Go for it,” Tale nodded. I ran the diagnostic spell and quickly found his magical signature, which was really easy to do because he’s a unicorn; I doubt it would work as easily on a pegasus or an earth pony. My brain started quickly running through where that specific signature was… Then I found a big mansion, then I found a room, and then I found the desk Tale sits at. It took me a minute, but I did it. The scroll teleported to me… I handed it to him.
“Holy buck… that is terrifying that you can do that.” Tales mirked. “And really cool.”
“I asked for permission for a reason, my man. You're cool with letting me read what’s on that scroll?” He nodded and handed it to me. Huh, it’s… almost like a very basic version of Star Wars, where pegasi and earth ponies can use magic without horns or staffs and fight with magical swords. I hummed, it was only the first chapter, and clearly a first draft, but… It sounded so damn cool. Something about unicorns being extinct, but thanks to interbreeding a long time ago, a select few pegasi and earth ponies could use magic with their hooves.
“Hey, make the bad guy the main character’s dad if you ever get around to finishing writing this. Do it in a triology format.”
“...That does sound like a fun idea… I was toying with the idea, honestly. Does it sound cool?”
“Yeah, it is a really good idea. Go with it.”
“Alright then,” Tale and I ended up sitting at a table together and chatting for a while. Luna found me.
“Source, I believe that hour you gave to Twilight is up, and slow dancing is about to start… Who is this?”
“This is Fabled Tale, we’ve just been sitting here and I was shooting ideas for stories for him to write; I gave him some parchment and he’s got the third chapter’s draft done. It’s awesome.” I was obviously just helping him rewrite actual Star Wars, but actually ponified, while letting him use his own ideas. The magic system he had sounded a lot cooler than the Force, along with seemingly really good research on standard magic that most ponies used, and chaos magic that he might or might not have painted as a black and white of good and evil. While my own knowledge of magic said there was no good or evil in magic, it was clearly a creative endeavour that I was all for supporting.” The stallion beside me was engrossed in the third chapter, he was adding notes and stuff that would be used for making the ‘finalised version’.
Then he looked up and saw Luna. “Holy smokes you’re beautiful…” he whispered. Luna’s ears shot up, and Tale realised who he had said that to.
“I-I’m Sorry your high-highness for-”
“Think nothing of it, young stallion. We appreciate thy compliments. May we see what thou are writing?”
“Uh…” He looked back at me. I nodded, and I nodded to Lulu before finding Celly. I turned my back and I immediately just saw Luna gushing over Tale’s work like the little geek she was. I think her own inputs with her knowledge in dark magic would be good. I turned around and looked back again… Luna was draping a wing over the stallion while he wrote while seemingly giving her own two cents that Tale was taking in stride and adding notes as he was probably working on a fourth chapter now. I smiled and headed to find Celly.
I saw Blueblood, he saw me. He excused himself from his date to probably go use the restroom… He was never seen in the Gala after that. At least he just started trying to stay away from where I was throughout the Gala.
I found Celestia at a snack table, eating a piece of cake. It is, or was, a chocolate cake with what looked like bits of cookies and cream topping it. She quickly saw me, unhinged her jaw and ate the rest of the slice while nopony was looking and happily pranced up to me in the most adorable way possible, whether she meant to or not. She nuzzled me, because I saw her again and remembered that she was wearing a very nice, kinda fancy suit that was actually really fancy. And also hugging her body in just the right way to show off her curves, muscles, and you could probably somehow see a six pack if you managed to get underneath Celly and look at her abs…
Ponies have abs, right? I dunno, I failed biology class and that was for humans, so I don’t think I know pony biology beyond that they have fur and four legs.
“Good evening, my little pony, are you enjoying the Gala?” She asked teasingly.
“I…” I cleared my throat. “I think I am. Especially if I get to see quite the view from one of the many balconies that we mere ponies have been given access to,” I said looking up and down Celly. I motioned her down, and she lowered that long, glorious neck of hers. I planted a kiss on her nose, before she grabbed my collar with her own magic and started kissing each other. Celly and I held each other before we whispered to each other.
“Are you ready to announce our engagement?” Celestia asked. “If you say yes, there is no going back; you cannot truly live a normal life, nobles will bother you constantly. I still will not enforce royal duties upon you. I’ve never done such a thing to any of my lovers unless they wanted it. While your input certainly is… unique, it is helpful whenever you do give your input. It’s just that I know that politics, smiling and waving, and all that sort of stuff isn’t on the forefront of your mind.”
“Mmm… You could give me some duties from time to time. I’m sure I could run day court reasonably well if I get nothing but small issues, and pass the bigger, more important stuff to you. If you need a day off, put everything off, lemme run day court, and anything that I couldn’t resolve during it, I’ll let you know about it. With that said… yeah, let’s get it over with.” We both jumped when we heard Pinkie Pie started… singing. It was a stupid song, a really, really stupid song. It was very akinned to something you’d sing to a child.
“Did… you arrange that?” I asked, looking at Celly.
“There is a… reason I invited Twilight and her friends. The Gala is usually rather boring,” Celestia hummed. “I was hoping that her friends could… liven it up just a smidge.”
“Fair enough. Though none of the nobles are really… enjoying Pinkie’s efforts to make it more fun. I love Pinkie, a fun mare, but like…” We both turned to see Blueblood near the front entrance. Rarity, who was nearby and talking to a stallion around her age… Ah, she was genuinely enjoying herself… Pinkie just launched a cake at Blueblood on accident. Blueblood, being the shining example of a gentlecolt, snagged Rarity and used her as a literal meat shield for a cake. Something about getting groomed again.
Rarity’s apparent date started yelling at him while Rarity herself shook herself off while growling, flinging cake all over the fucker. A statue promptly started falling… Shit, that’s gonna fall on Luna and Tale were sitting. Tale quickly noticed, Luna did as well.
“WATCH OUT, PRINCESS!” Luna eeped when she was picked up by Tale’’s magic, and tossed away. Luna reacted quickly, snagging him with her own magic to move him out the way… She looks like she wants to drag that stallion to bed, by the look of things. After Luna had Tale secured, she spun around to try and stop the statue from falling, only for a rainbow coloured blur to slam into the statue and catch it on her back. The fact that she caught it was pretty cool.
“...Celly, that’s a little more than livening up the Gala,” I mentioned. Rainbow started stumbling with the statue into… a nearby pillar.
“...In all fairness, I did not expect my nephew to use poor Rarity as a meat shield.” Our eyes slowly drifted to Blueblood, who was being held down by Rarity’s date, while Rarity started beating the ever living shit out of him with her hooves. Thank god Rarity doesn’t carry around a sewing kit, or Blueblood would definitely have his head cut off and sewed onto his ass. We watched as the pillar that Rainbow accidentally slammed a statue into broke and, like a giant set of dominoes, started knocking over the rest of the pillars.
“LOOK OUT, TIA!” I used DragonFire on Celly and sent her over to where Luna and Tale were, as it looked far, far away from the incoming collapse of the ceiling. I quickly teleported to them right after, where Celly was laying on her stomach, somewhat dazed. The doors into the gardens broke open.
“YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME!” Oh, that’s an angry fluttershy. I think… I think I’m not going to bother with calming her down, she’s fucking scarier than Celly is when she’s pissed. The four of us just sat there, staring at the incoming chaos…
HAH! A bird shat on Blueblood’s face… oh, Rarity does carry a sewing needle, apparently; one’s sticking out of his arse. She… ended up sewing a… wow, I did not think Rarity would sew a crude, fabric made, dick onto his ass, but she did.
“We’re going to have to send out so many apologies,” Luna shook her head. Celly slowly turned to her little sister. “What? Source gave me a programmable illusion crystal, so I recorded myself saying ‘hello’ and left it after I welcomed him into the Gala. I wanted to watch the carnage that was Twilight’s friends being let loose in a ballroom full of nobles.” Celestia shrugged, probably agreeing to enjoying the incoming chaos.
“...So much for us announcing that we’re a couple?”
Cadance and Shining started walking towards us. “I told the guards to escort everpony out of here,” Shining reported.
“Good,” Celestia nodded. “Well, I suppose that sounds like we should all call it a night, and issue the apologies for the gala being ‘ruined’ in the morning?”
“Sister, it is my rule during the night, and I fully agree with your sentiment. On with it.” Luna turned her gaze onto Tale, who was currently probing her with his nose to see if she was alright. Cadance simply nodded, and… Tale doesn’t even know what he just did. Luna’s a capable mare, but a princess loves a knight in shining armor, or just some nerd that tried to save her. Heck, he doesn’t even seem to realize that he is constantly nosing and nuzzling Luna’s body. Oh my god, that's actually really cute. Lulu just watched fondly as the little nerd finished up his check over of her, before he eventually removed his nose from his shoulder.
“You aren’t too hurt, princess?” He asked.
“I am fine. Are you injured? I know I grabbed you a little quickly,” Luna started nosing him.
“I’m fine; I saved my rough drafts for Chaos Wars, at least, even if I am a little bruised.” He slowly realised what he just did. “Sorry for touching you so much, your highness.
“Just call me Luna,” she winked at me, before mouthing ‘thank you’.
The next day, Blueblood was in the hospital for eighteen broken ribs, basically all of them were broken, a broken leg, a cracked skull, a broken nose, and the… nice symbol that Rarity used to replace his cutie mark, with the original being found sewed to a hedge somewhere in the Everfree Forest fourteen miles away... Unfortunately, Celly went out to get a friendship lesson out of Twilight and her friends last night and was probably still with them, an apology was sent out to everypony that was at the Gala. didn’t get to announce anything… but it seemed like Apple Jack satisfied.
Her booth was fucking loaded with customers after everypony said I went there for a snack. Shit, I only had two apple logs!
Oh yeah, Luna got a coltfriend, a very socially awkward, nerdy coltfriend. So she won at least.
Me? Everypony heard and saw me save Celly from getting crushed. With Luna having a coltfriend, since most mares only choose one stallion(and most herds only revolve around one stallion), it was quickly ruled that I couldn’t possibly be dating both Celly and Lulu. Instead, headlines started ‘confirming’ that I, Source Code, was Celly’s date during the Gala and that we are a couple. In a sense, we did basically announce that we’re dating, so that’s cool.
The problem? I tried to walk through town towards the train station so I could pick Button up from his sleepover. That didn’t end well…
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It's an era where Alicorns sprouts like mushrooms. Luna needs some good in her life, so, Alicorn of stories, anyone?
11882633
Mmm, I feel like a certain page might be a bit upset-
Wait no, he no exist in this world. Nvm.
11882635
Let's leave poor Page alone, ha has enough problems on his own :D
Waaaaaaaaaait a minute ¬_¬
Criminally offensive...side-eye......eeeeyup, Source Code has pushed a commit to the princess's, full on public swear sesh unlocked!
you is mh you know that
And In the Next chapter Sgt Murphy sends some drama his way and somehow multiple Dumb Catbirdys and Nobles will be getting a couple cases of Whoop @$$ unloaded upon them!!!
The Chaos of the Gala episode is that you can add quite a bit into that story while keeping to the same drama that will happen there.
Nice chapter Nugget.
11882635
Yeah, best leave Page alone Nugget. Unless you want to break out with a bad case of Hives(er)*
Luna got a coltfriend lets goooo!
I like Tale very much!
keep up the amazing chapters!
First paragraph, two seriously hilarious jokes.
Infamy, Infamy, theyve all got it infamy.
Followed by Make It So?
As for Fabled Tale, the equivalent I thought the story came from in its origional form, many years earlier.
It was during the last Pony Griffin conflict, a Special Ops squadron of the most psychotic Griffins tried taking out Canterlots thaumatugic generators by taking out the Ponyville dam in a terminal dive wavetop height pull out midnight attack run.
They ended up being nicknamed the Suicide Squad because over half of them died.
That was brutal, Rarity. Although, when Source mentioned, ‘sewing kit,’ I thought she was going to seal up a hole..
Will Source begin an investigation of Harmony magic and incorporate it into Python now?
Does Granny Smith ever get that needed hip?
I thought Rarity and Rainbow were continuing their wearing down of Source, but then Rarity found somepony at the Gala…
Knew it.
Huh, that's a rather curious idea. If Black Magic could be incorporated into Python, why not Harmony Magic?
Pocket Rainbow Beam is always useful.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/098/198/1288420534448.png
11884325
If that happens let's just hope Source isn't a Touhou fan or he'd probably call that the Master Spark