Post Gala Trauma... Oh potatoes!
After having a nice, long extended bath with Celly, since we were reeking of… fluids. Yeah, we helped each other out of our suits… this is all a family friendly way of saying we fucked, and we fucked each other hard and long. That was a pretty fun night, even if Celly and I got started late into the night. I was given a letter by a third party unicorn institute that was from something called the ‘mage tower’. It was a premiere unicorn school with a ton, ton of different branches. Each branch each specialized in different types of magic, from straight up rituals right down to Runes, to spell development.
The mage tower was essentially the pony equivalent of the Jedi Temple, just not genocided by an edgy teenager. And also more specialized classes depending on what each individual unicorn excelled in, and if a unicorn was good enough, got a personal teacher to constantly have one on one lessons. It was almost like being the star pupil of Celestia, or straight up being able to attend Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
The high counsel, a set of unicorns, nine old old unicorns that were essentially ‘gandmasters’ of their respective ‘subsystems’ as I’ve been calling it. There were three ‘main’ schools of magic, Hybrid, Runes, and Physical spells, and then there were these subsystems. Because while these three systems were the backbone for a majority of spells, each excelled for different reasons.
Runes were heavily, heavily used in RItuals, a subsystem.
The nine subsystems of magic consisted of:
Rituals. This type of magic was once used to control the day and night. The problem is that it can take a lot of ponies to cast a single ritual spell depending on the magnitude of magic needed to perform it.
Necromancy. Dead people magic, woohoo. It’s not legal.
Portal Magic. What it says on the tin.
Beast Magic. What it says on the tin.
Chi. Inner magic and inner power. Blah, blah blah, inner peace.
Enchantmenting/Enchantments. Also a Rune heavy system, can be used to enchant objects, and is what most ‘buffing’ and ‘debuffing’ spells come from.
Conjuration. Make shit from other shit.
Elemental. A skilled user can easily cause an earthquake. Think of water, fire, earth, and air bending.
Battle magic. Technically not a subskill, but typically taught anyways just in case.
They were hoping to reach out to me for a while now, but never knew how, namely because I never had an official place of residence ever. I was interested in Portal Magic, not gonna lie. If it’s possible, I could find a way to go back home and at least say… No, nevermind, I could end up in the ocean and die. It was still interesting and I wanted to learn it. Apparently it’s rare for a pony to be skilled in all nine subsystems. Even Twilight wasn’t a ‘master’ in any one of these categories even if she was probably proficient in all of them, save for necromancy.
WIth that said, I was proficient in Battle Magic, Enchantments, and had some very, very weak idea of conjuration with my ability to transform body parts on a dime.
Though if I took the time, I could mash all nine systems into Python and not worry about being skilled in each category, even if I wasn’t particularly amazing at magic, my skill set was simply for what I needed. Python just helped make use of what little power I did have to make use of whatever knowledge I’ve got. For instance, I have a light shield, which is really just a diagnostic spell barrier constantly running. It quickly makes a shield if it detects anything getting through it. The shield is usually custom tailored to whatever is trying to break through the light shield. For instance, a weak stun spell gets grounded up, saving the light shield from casting an actual shield.
A stronger spell such as anything Celly throws my way? It teleports me out the way and tells me where the spell came from. From there I decide if I should DragonFire the fuck out of there, or fight back. I’ve learnt my mistake from Shining; the Light Shield more or less keeps me from getting hurt on a basic level. In other words, if I had the Light Shield while fighting Shining, it would’ve teleported me away the moment whatever he used to knock me out got past the Light Shield..
I call it a Light Shield because it doesn’t actually stop anything, it’s just an alarm system.
The main problem is that it doesn’t physically stop anything. You can still punch me and I’ll go down like a sack of potatoes if I don’t regularly enchant my bones to keep me from getting knocked out.
I stared down at the letter as Celly walked out of the bathroom, stole one of my pancakes, and started reading along.
“Why does the Mage Tower wanna talk to me?” I asked.
“Think, Source. You’ll find the answer in time.”
“...It’s because of Python isn’t it?”
“Yes, and now that they know where you live, they are more capable of sending you letters. I believe it would be wise to go humor them after you pick Button up and drop him off. If they knew that you had a child, biological or not, they would hound you into enrolling Button into the Mage Tower, since that would be a foal coming from a very capable unicorn, that’s also receiving some help on his homework from a several thousand year old alicorn.” Celestia hummed.
“Aight. Is it cool if we take a chariot when we go get Button? It would be best suited for making sure nopony in Canterlot knows that he’s my kid. Again, I want him to have a normal life; can’t have that if the nobles are sending him their daughters, magic schools pestering him by the dozens, and all that will happen if the world knows Button’s my son.”
“Of course. Though I believe you have some proficiency in illusions?”
“Uh.. kinda.”
“You can easily disguise the two of you with a simple palette swap of your coats; it’s not hard to do with illusions that simply change the color of an object.” She changed herself to look a lot like a very, very tall Luna with a jet black mane. I looked her up and down, the dark blue coat and black mane… “See?”
“Celly, you should use that guise more often; it’s lovely.” I said. “Or get Luna to do it, I’m sure her new coltfriend would appreciate it; I bet Luna could somehow still keep the star-yness in her mane if she did that.”
“I’m afraid if she does that, her poor coltfriend’s going to mentally die.” Celestia giggled. “Though I suppose I can bust this form out for you every now and then. I wouldn’t be able to do it often if only because the world would be shocked if I stepped out during a speech and looked like Luna…” She grinned. “Oh, that is an excellent idea. I shall do that!” She wrapped her forelegs around my neck before swiping an egg off my plate.
“Hey!” I frowned. “Least it wasn’t my potato-” Celly… TOOK MY DAMN FRIED POTATOES! “Hey! You’ve got a platter over there, you crazy horse!”
“Oh please, you don’t mind it; I know you don’t.”
“Celly, I don’t mind it, just don’t take me taters! Those are mine!” I hissed.
“Are you part thestral? You should not be able to hiss.”
“No, but I am an Irish Man that likes most forms of potatoes. No touchy my spuds, you crazy, loveable bitch.” Celestia sighed, shaking her head with that beautiful smile I’ve grown so used to seeing… Then she took another potato. We both laughed, before she moved over to her seat where… she had the same potatoes she just stole from me! Luckily, Celly made right on her wrongs and slid two taters to me. The doors to our dining hall thumped closed, drawing both of our attention.
Luna let the doors slam shut as she and Tale walked on into the dining room and took a seat. The poor stallion was blushing up a storm, while being tucked under the Princess of the Night’s wings. I dunno if…
“Lulu, you didn’t break your stallion already, did you? It hasn’t even been a full day since you’ve met him.” Celly asked, looking up from her meal. Luna was happily munching away on a banana and some whipped cream that she somehow got ahold of.
“Tale, you good, dude?” I asked.
Tale quickly nodded. “I’m fine! I’m fine!” He chuckled nervously. “I just woke up to quite the start, is all. I was expecting to wake up in my room, not in the same bed as Princess Luna,” Tale cleared his throat. “I mean Luna,” he corrected. “I don’t know how I managed to woo her, or whatever I did last night…”
“I dunno, nerding out over something you’ve made and then promptly ‘saving’ her from getting crushed by a statue might’ve done it for Luna, my man,” I chuckled. “Get used to my weird language if you’re going to be sticking around a while, eh?”
“I can handle that,” Tale nuzzled Luna. “Last night, after y’know, the Gala going to Tartarus, I had a lot of fun. Luna took me out onto her balcony and we went stargazing after I got tired of writing. It was pretty fun… I couldn’t ever see just how nice the night sky was because of all the city lights, but now that I do,” Tale sighed. “It’s really pretty, and Luna was right there to teach me some of the constellations; she even taught me the name of a few planets! I didn’t know what Mars, or Jupiter was, but Luna, with a telescope, helped me see them!”
“And that…” I said before making a whistling noise. “Is also why Luna probably likes you. Enjoying her night sky?”
“Well, if I can’t enjoy the sky, for whatever reason, her mane is nice, very nice looking. It’s just as, if not prettier than the Night Sky. It’s like I’m lost at sea, staring out into the starry abyss, looking for the right star to guide me home… and then it guided me to the prettiest mare that I’ve ever seen!” Tale smiled. “It’s like a dark, cold cave where the ceiling is made of hundreds of thousand little crystals that sparkle and shine, bringing out just how nice and peaceful that dark, cold cave actually is…” He slowly turned to Luna, who was… hiding her face in her wings. “That is more announcing to the world that you woke up to me grooming your thigh while I was still barely awake, by the way.”
Tale giggled. “Dear Celestia,” he whispered. “I have to be the luckiest stallion to walk the globe!” His eyes widened all of a sudden. I think he realized who he said that in front of.
“I see that you’re getting acclimated to dating a princess, eh?” I asked.
“It’s… I never told my mother,” Tale’s eyes shrunk. “Oh dear, she is going to expect so many foals now!”
“I’m all for having as many babies as possible,” Luna said. “When you are ready, we will have many, many fun attempts to have foals, my little writer,” she said rather… huskily. Oh lord. Tale slowly turned bright orange, before falling out of his chair. The three of us laughed, with Luna being the first to catch her breath and immediately check to make sure Tale was still with us. He was, just mentally, Luna implying that they will have sex probably broke his brain for the time being.
“Tia, my stallion’s cuter than yours; a lot easier to embarrass.”
“Mine is more handsome,” Tia said like me, and a slightly recovered Tale weren’t right there. “And I would argue that Source is cuter.” I decided to let the two alicorns have that little argument of comparing mates, before heading on down to the chariot bay to pick up Button from his sleepover.
I hopped off of the chariot just after it landed in Ponyville, I don’t think anypony got home yet, so I wasn’t very surprised when I was greeted by the sight of Big Mac when I stopped by Sweet Apple Acres to pick up my kid. Actually, he met me at the entrance with the rest of the foals, the four of them were sitting under an apple tree. Big Mac was actually reading one of the books that the foals brought, as in that one book that Scootaloo was just hooked on. Winona was being hugged under Apple Bloom’s foreleg, happily enjoying some snuggles from the youngest of the Apples.
Sweetie Belle and Button were snuggled up… Scootaloo’s also snuggled up with them. When the heck did my kid accidentally make both of those foals like him? Scootaloo was half-asleep, clearly she wanted to take a nap, but was being coaxed into staying awake so she wouldn’t miss anything in the book Big Mac was reading to them. Her cheek laid on Button’s, with one of her tiny, little wings draped over the colt while Button rested his chin on Sweetie Belle’s flank. All of them were so engrossed, that they didn’t even notice me circling around the tree and laying beside them.
Well, Big Mac did, he simply nodded to me before continuing in his reading. I DragonFired a message off to my guards telling them to take a load off; I was going to be here for a while.
After Big Mac chose a good stopping spot, much to the Crusaders’ disappointment, Button let out a little yawn, before he looked around and quickly spotted me. He hopped to his hooves, like the cute little brownie that he is, his tail wagged as he saw me. Scootaloo was sent sprawling on the ground with a grunt, who was mostly annoyed about her pillow disappearing, and was perfectly fine. Sweetie Belle didn’t particularly enjoy how Button’s tail was now swatting her nose, but she also didn’t really seem to care that much.
“Hey Dad!” The rest of the foals shot to their hooves, expecting either their sisters, or surrogate sister, to be standing with me. One at a time, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo all promptly said:
“Where’s Rarity?”
“Where’s Apple Jack?”
“Where’s Rainbow Dash?”
“They’re staying in Canterlot and having a bit of a tour with Twilight before they head home. They’ll be back by the afternoon at the earliest, or nightfall by the latest. What? Not excited to see me, you rascals?” I asked. I lifted a hoof up to my chest and pretended to be hurt. “I thought you three loved me!” I couldn’t keep up the act; Button immediately took to nuzzling and licking my face while his tail was wagging. It wasn’t indiscernible to how a dog would’ve greeted me, but I knew by now that this was just a typical greeting that foals gave to their parents, or siblings if their siblings were older. I then noticed… ah, my own tail’s wagging.
I laughed and shot my forelegs forward, grabbed the colt, and pulled him to my chest before rolling on my back while Button laughed.
“Mr. Code,” Sweetie Belle raised her hoof. “Can you spend next week in Ponyville? Ms. Cheerilee would’ve asked you, since there was going to be a little show next week, where each student shows what they’ve learnt from Ms. Cheerilee this year, and… You are my teacher, Dinky's, and Button’s teacher.”
“Hey, I’m down. Don’t even sweat it; I’ll try to be there, kiddo. Mmm… I’m sure you three would love a milkshake at the end of next week?”
“YEAH!” Button and Sweetie chorused. I chuckled, and brohoofed Big Mac.
“Apple Jack didn’t run into some trouble during the Gala, did she?”
“No. I think one of the nobles got a little close to her flanks so she punched them in the face. It was in the newspaper, and it was kinda funny. Some old dude creeps on AJ, AJ kicks the shit out of him. Shame I couldn’t watch it; take a look.” I teleported a copy of Pony Paper Press, a popular paper in Canterlot, to me and showed him the article. He skimmed over me and Celly kissing, Lulu finding a coltfriend, though… Luna expressed interest in a certain earth pony in Ponyville, it was definitely Big Mac, but didn’t give an actual name… Luna’s trying to start her own herd.
I’m not shocked, honestly. Actually, I am. I just don’t acknowledge that Luna is surprisingly outgoing despite being the biggest geek I’ve ever known.
Big Mac snickered, and I think Apple Bloom was trying to get a peek. As it turned out, the noble actually tried sticking his head under AJ’s dress, so she kicked him, not punch him.
“Oh…” I shivered. “I do not want to find out how much it would hurt to get kicked by a mare that kicks trees for a living. Thank god I don’t, and instead find myself getting beaten up by a mare that can raise the Sun.”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac snickered… before he saw his face in the paper. Luna was trying to ‘find’ where the big stallion was; she knew where she was, but gave a cash reward for anypony who could find him, and privately shared his location with her… Okay, that part wasn’t real. In fact, that whole thing in the paper was to try and help hide Tale’s identity so nopony would harass him. I snickered before picking up Button. “Well, my man, enjoy yourself while I’m in Canterlot again.” I set Button on my head, and noted…
“Hey bud,” I said, after Button waved to his friends and gave his farewells. “You’re getting heavier,” it wasn’t a lot heavier, but it was noticeable. I met this kid a little before his school's Fall Break, or some time during October, and it was nearing Prancuary.
“Is that a bad thing, Dad?”
“Depends. On one hoof, you’re growing. On the other hoof, you’ll be too big to ride on my head at some point, and will have to ride on my back, and then you’ll get too big to ride on that.”
“...But I like riding on your back, it’s our thing!” Button pointed out.
“I know, and it’s bad news for me, while it’s incredible. You’re growing, and you’re growing fast, kiddo. Soon my little foal won’t need his old man to watch over and baby him…”
“No! Don’t you dare stop babying me when I’m bigger! Just… start babying me in private if you do, please.” I chuckled, pulled him off my head with my magic and gave him a warm, loving nuzzle.
“Kiddo, if I stopped babying my baby, I would be remiss. You say the word, and me and Celly will come and help you out, hug you, anything. I’m only a DragonFire away, after all.” I held him close. “You are my little colt, whether you like it or not, and I will baby you sometimes, in public, to embarrass you, and I will do it because I love you, so, so damn much, Button.” We both remained silent, before I laid him back on my head. “You’re probably the best thing to happen to me, kid. Genuinely. Only tied with Celly in that regard.”
“I think I’m glad I’m the best thing to ever happen to you, Dad.” Button said. “Because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. You and Celestia are so, so nice to me…” he fell asleep on my head. I guess he needed a nap more than either of us realized. I chuckled, getting into the wagon, where my guards were not taking a load off. I raised an eyebrow, and glared at them.
“Guys, y’all coulda grabbed a snack or something.”
“We could’ve sir, but-”
“Go grab yourself a candy bar or something, private. You both lug my fatass around whenever I need a chariot, and I feel bad for it. Go grab a snack, or a drink, and take ten minutes. I ain’t in a rush to get back home; I’ve got all day. Take fifteen minutes to rest, or something, young colt.”
“You sound like my mother,” he grumbled. “Fine… I guess I’ll get myself and Thunder something.” I nodded and waited about thirty minutes before taking off again. My guards weren’t happy, as in they were appreciative of me being worried about them but didn’t enjoy being forced to take a well-deserved break, about the forced break I enforced upon them, but didn’t actually say anything. Eitherway, they got their break, Button was still happily, and adorably, snoring away with an occasional leg twitch, and we were heading home.
“Mommy!” Button ran up to Celly, who was sitting on her throne in the middle of day court. I know I shouldn’t have brought him in, but like, Celly and Button interacting is simply adorable. Button ran up past the petitioner, a mare who couldn’t help but stand aside and smile as my adorable, little colt ran up to the alicorn with a wagging tail. Celly couldn’t hide how excited she is, no, heart-melted. I know that Button tries to not call Tia ‘Mom’, but… He just did. He just did and now, Celly was holding a hoof up to her mouth while she got teary eyed.
I walked up to the petitioner and nodded. “We didn’t interrupt anything too important, did I?”
“No, I just had a minor case, nothing too major. I was just hoping to get a loan to kickstart a shop, your highness,” I blinked when she said that. Celly had long since removed her crown, and had laid him on her head, since she was huge, if you know what I mean, she could easily fit the whole colt in between her ears. I stared blankly at the mare, and she tilted her head.
“Is something wrong?”
“You called me ‘you’re highness?’” I asked. “Why did you call me that, if I may ask.”
“Aren’t you Princess Celestia’s consort?” I nodded. “So…”
“Meh, just call me Source, Code, Source Code, Bitch Boy, whatever you prefer. Anyways, before Celly gets back into Princess Celestia and out of Momlestia Mode, I’ll let you know that if you’re looking for a loan, head on over to Finances, you can say that Princess Celestia sent ya, and you’ll walk out with a loan based on a few things such as your income, if you’ve don’t got any, don’t sweat it, you’ll get a flat rate.” I wrote a little note after I summoned a piece of paper to me. “This should guarantee that you get five months off repaying the loan; think of it as my apology for interrupting your court session.”
“Thank you, your highness,” the mare bowed, and trotted off. Celly and Button were playing patty cake… Well, this was good practice for me, learning how to take care of day court. I called in a few petitioners, all of whom had smaller issues that I was better at taking care of. Financial advice, some just wanted to see Celestia, but then were even more excited to meet her coltfriend, for some reason. Occasionally I would get a genuine issue, like when somepony was getting ‘bought out’ by a rich dickhead that happened to be that somepony’s competition.
As in, the rich dickhead bought the store that the petitioner had owned through illegitimate means and kicked the petitioner out.
That rich asshole now had a battalion of Royal Guards going his way, something that Celly didn’t exactly approve of, but agreed that it solved the issue. The petitioner was set up to be back in his storefront by the end of the week.
“You know,” Celly said, sipping on some tea after calming herself down. Button still laying on top of her head. “You did surprisingly well,” she noted as I was now tucked under her wing. “You could use a little training in the larger issues, but I suppose you passing those onto me if you do not believe you can handle them is acceptable for somepony that isn’t an active politician.”
“I’m a spell developer, a teacher, and a mage, Celly. I don’t trust myself in leading a country for a reason.”
“Which is entirely fair. Thank you for taking over the court for thirty minutes while I got to hold my son,” Button soon found himself being held in his adoptive mother’s wings, and he was more than happy to be in that position.” She hummed. “Perhaps you should go visit the mage tower? I can keep watch over Button while going through various meetings and court; I am more than capable of providing him attention as well.”
“Change his fur and coat colors; I still don’t want the world to be aware of Button’s normal appearance; it wouldn’t be fair to him if a million reporters stormed him.”
“Of course,” Celestia’s horn lit up, only for Button’s to light up, and he changed himself into a gray furred, lighter gray maned unicorn colt. Celestia and I blinked.
I decided to open my mouth. “Button, when did you…”
“Your Python textbook has basic disguise spells, Dad.”
“Oh… shit. I didn’t even think you’d be that far ahead…” I leaned around Celly, and kissed Button on the forehead. “I’m proud, kiddo. I truly am. You’ve no idea just how proud you make me, to see you so far deep into your studies! You gotta slow down that rate of progression, by the way. Dinky and Sweetie Belle won’t be able to keep up very soon… Though Dinky doesn’t care, and is just happy to be studying magic, and Sweetie Belle… eh, she’s genuinely the most gifted in terms of raw power out of you three, so I don’t think Python will be her main way of casting spells.” I shrugged, before inevitably pulling myself away. We took a ten minute break from day court for the three of us to catch up.
“Well kid, behave for your mother. If either of you need anything, I’m a DragonFire away from showing up. If I’m not back by Sun Down, assume I either got distracted by something cool in the mage tower, or I got killed so hard that I died to death. Sounds cool?”
“Don’t you dare ‘die to death’, mister,” Celestia glared at me. “And that made no bucking sense, how dare you!?”
We all had a good chuckle at that, before I started my way over to the door… Before I teleported outside and started using the Air Walker Spell, or what I dubbed ‘using Levitation to move in the air without wings’. It needed a proper… FUCK! I could’ve called it ‘Skywalker’! Oh way, I came up with the name, and I can change it whenever!
Skywalker sounds twenty percent cooler than Air Walker ever could.
I landed outside of the castle after I Skywalked myself over the walls, and decided to just walk through Canterlot. It’s been a while since I’ve just walked through this lovely little city, so I figured why the heck not? I nodded to the two guards standing at the gates, before they blinked. They saw mine and Button’s chariot pull in from Ponyville, but they never saw me walk out the gate. Solar, I recognized immediately for being the tallest of the two, while both were unicorns; Solar is pretty tall for a unicorn, and the second tallest unicorn in the guard, just a hair shorter than Shining Armor.
“Howdy, Solar. When you get off duty, wanna grab something from Hayburger with me?” I asked.
“Yes sir,” he nodded. “Why couldn’t you have just used the gate like a normal pony?”
“Walking through the castle took too long, so I teleported myself outside of Celestia’s throne room, since teleporting to the gate would’ve used a majority of my magic, I started Sky Walking; it’s way less magically taxing to do that than to teleport. I could’ve also DragonFired, but I wanted to enjoy a nice stroll through the city, y’know?”
“Sir,” the other guard spoke up. “I think you just wanted to show off.”
I tilted my head. “No, I take the most efficient route to do things when I use magic. DragonFire was the most efficient, if I wanted to get from point A to point B the quickest. Granted, that also would’ve involved me breaking a window and scorching the inside of Celly’s throne room, and she wouldn’t have been super happy about that. On the other, I can teleport, use a minimal amount of magic to teleport outside, and then catch myself on a Skywalker Spell. The Skywalker Spell was the most efficient way to the outside of the castle walls. If I wanted to show off, I would’ve magicked up a pair of wings, and flown down here, lieutenant.”
“...You can grow wings?”
“I can do a lot of magic and transmutation spells. Would I? No. I don’t think I’d be able to fly with them since I lack pegasus magic anyways.” I shrugged. “Meh, doesn’t matter if I were showing off or not; a Skywalker is a pretty flashy spell, and gets more flashy when you consider that I developed the spell.”
“It is a little fashy sir. I never said showing off was a bad thing, however, please show me whenever you’ve got the chance; I want to show off to the rest of the guard.” The Lieutenant said. I could tell he wanted to give me puppy eyes, but had to remain stoick since he was on duty.
“Alright. I’m sure the guard received me copies of Python’s textbooks when Captain Shining Armor requested them, correct?” He paid for all of them too, or rather, the guard as a whole did. I made damn near a thousand bits from that one sale. That was with the other schools requesting copies and subsequently paying for them on bulk. In other words, I had a very, very small fortune. The real kicker was that those Python Books weren’t complete, by pure technicality; I’m still developing Python, so everypony that bought them initially got Python Beta 1.0. 1.2 will come out eventually, and eventually it will get a full release.
I will pull the Notch approach to making a spell system, except I’m making everypony pay for new versions of Python Textbooks, even if they aren’t exactly necessary to learn the newer spells I come up with.
...Nevermind, that sounds like something EA would do, charging four hundred bits for a game patch.
“We all did, sir. I believe this is a Python spell?”
“It would be easier to teach you with Python, yes. Just keep up on your Runes, and I’ll hoof over some scrap paper with the equation on it.” An equation that technically isn’t the most efficient one I’ve made, that was for my own private build of Python. With that, and a ‘thank you’ from both my guard friend and his partner, I was walking through Canterlot again. Well, I made it down Royal Avenue, thanks to how Canterlot Castle took up the entire road, it was the only road on the highest plate in Canterlot. The road was filled with ponies walking up and down it, on their right side of the road.
Basically, I was on the right side, leaving the castle, whereas everypony coming into the castle was on the left. This is all a really stupid, long, arbitrary way of saying I made my way down to one of the lifts in Canterlot and stepped onto it.
“Hey, you’re that stallion in the newspapers, aren’t you?” One of the mares that was leaving Canterlot said.
“Uh, I cannot confirm or deny that information. There are many stallions in the papers?”
“The one that kissed Princess Celestia on the mouth during the Gala, the one that saved her.” The mare was behind me, so I couldn’t see her, but if I had to guess, she was a rich pony.
“Mmm, well, the princess kissed me on the mouth. I just reciprocated how I felt at the time, and I felt like kissing her back. After all, it would’ve been rude, and mean, to not kiss the love of my life back.”
“I see that you are the stallion in the pictures. I’m Fluer De Lis. I was staying at the castle overnight, after the Gala, to help my husband to… look into something. You see, my husband and I are a part of the guard that’s a step above even Captain Shining Armor. We are knights, the knights of Princess Celestia. Some time ago, there was a sudden, short burst of… dark magic. Royal Knights are often responsible for finding the causes of dark magic, anypony that casted said dark magic, and eliminate said ponies before they could cause a ruckus.”
Huh. “Coolio. Well, if you’re looking for the guy using dark magic, lemme know. Celly might already know about the fucker using that was using that stuff.”
“And she hasn’t told us who this pony is, or taken care of them herself?” We stepped off the lift. She started walking beside me, and I could finally get a glimpse of who she was… Wow, she almost looks as good as Cadance does. She’s got a light gray, almost white, coat with an almost matching mane to boot. Her light violet eyes were staring at me… You know, pony eyes are huge, and I just realized something pretty important.
I think she thinks of me as a suspect.
“Aight cut to the point, what are you getting at, Fluer.”
“...You radiate light, very, very weak dark magic.” She commented.
“Does that make me a bad pony? I’ve only been experimenting with it on the remote parts of mount Canterlot, so that nopony would accidentally get hurt. I’m trying to see if I can’t take certain aspects of dark magic, and…” I was hoping I could tell her that no, dark magic doesn’t corrupt if you aren’t an idiot with it. You can get drunk off the power dark magic can give you, and thus become evil, but it can’t outright turn you evil… at least, in my case.
“So you are controlling the princess into loving you…” Fleur mused.
“The fuck are you on about?” I asked. “I only started messing with that magic a little over two weeks ago. Celly knows about it, she’s cool with it. Luna knows about it, she’s cool with it after seeing that I wasn’t being affected. I’m not doing any of the Rituals use Dark Magic, because of how borderline fucked up some of the requirements of them are, such as sacrificing a foal to prolong life, or whatever. I wouldn’t want to; that would require killing a kid, possibly my kid.” I sighed. “I’ve been dating Princess Celestia for the last year, meaning she and I fell in love long before I learned about dark magic.”
“But you’ve only come into being at the start of this year; we’ve been looking into your file for a while now, Mr. Source.” Fluer said. “You, without knowing it, could be a construct of dark magic.” Wot. “Which would explain you learning magic so quickly, and suddenly having this ‘new’ spell system that made your prowess in your field possible.” I blinked a couple of times… What the fuck is this woman smoking and where can I get some.
“Swear to god…” I sighed.
“I’m pulling your leg, Source. My husband and I are knights, but we have already been informed on most of your cases.” Fleur smirked. “I Had you going for a while, didn’t I?”
“You sounded like you were sniffing some dandelions before you came and found me.” Fluer laughed. I chuckled. “Pretty convincing, though. Thought I was gonna have to fight ya or some shit.”
“Oh please, if it came to that, I’d win. And then promptly get blasted with the Sun for hurting the princess’s coltfriend.” She chuckled. “That would be a really stupid reason to throw my career away, wouldn’t it?”
“It would, mostly because that would involve me getting hurt. I’m a big fan of not getting me hurt, if you couldn’t tell, Fluer.”
“I’m not sure… from some rumors, you’re a bottom; clearly your backside hurts a lot. That is apart of you, right?" Fluer tilted her head... She's adorable, god dammit. She knows it too!
“Pfft…” I chuckled. That was a good one. “Okay, you are so much cooler than half the other nobles at the Gala. Where were you the whole time?” I asked.
“Trying to find you. Myself and my husband have tea with the Princess every time you end up leaving the castle to teach some foals how to use magic. We heard so much about you, that we were hoping to meet you both myself. With that said, the Gala ballroom was rather large, and before we could find you, the Element Bearers certainly found an… interesting way to liven up the Gala.
“So we couldn’t find you, or get to you; quite a few nobles were trying to swarm you, according to my husband who caught a glimpse of you before you went out into the gardens.”
“Damn. To think two possible bros were so close. Or at least some ponies I could tolerate.”
“...bro material?” Fluer asked.
“What? From that joke about me being submissive, which isn’t true by the way, gave me a real hoot, there. I can tell you and I will get along quite nicely.” Fluer actually smiled at that.
“It is nice to meet another pony of ‘royal’ status to have a sense of humor. If your marefriend had not told me of your sense of humor, I would’ve never made the joke…” Fluer sighed in relief. “I’ve been dying to make a joke like that since I graduated from secondary school.” She clapped her hooves. “Oh, do allow me to accompany you, wherever you are heading today. My husband will be meeting us at the next lift, I’m sure you’ll love him.”
“If he’s anything like you, I bet I will.” We kept on going…
Fucking christ, Fancy Pants is fucking awesome. Why am I saying that? Well…
“Hello, dear!” Fancy Pants happily trotted up to greet his wife. “Sorry for not being able to wake up with you, but…” He pulled out two donuts. “We can still share a short, sugary brunch, can't we?” Fluer clapped her hooves at the sight of her donut. Fancy Pants, I assume this is Fancy Pants, big stallion, almost as big as Shining Armor, had a very, very slick looking tuxedo, and was almost completely white like Celly and Fluer was. Fancy, after making sure his wife was satisfied with her sugary treat, nodded to me.
I found it cute, seeing just how much Fancy Pants cared about his wife's happiness.
“Hello there, Source Code, I presume?”
“Eeyup. You’re Fluer’s husband?”
“I am indeed,” he levitated something from… huh, didn’t think I’d see a noble wearing saddlebags ever in my life. “I’m Fancy Pants, Sir Fancy Pants if you’re going by titles. I’ve seen just how much happier the Princess has gotten since the two of you have met and subsequently became an item,” he gave me a warm smile. “A friend, or rather, a lover of the princess, is a friend of mine. I heard you like whisky?” He levitated a bottle up to me. It was a nice, really expensive brand that I was hoping to get for a rainy day…
No, just kidding, it was my favorite, cheap as balls brand of Whisky, that was the closest thing to a Jameson that I could find, a ‘Stallion’. I know, the name is stupid, but god damn is it good stuff.
“D’aw, you even guessed that I hated the ‘fancy’ whisky around here!”
“I did. Princess Celestia is the same way, always preferring some of the cheapest drinks she can get, and I must agree with both of your tastes… And I must say, your taste in whisky is quite good.” He and Fluer apparently planned this, since he then offered me a small, well, it was the size of my foreleg…
“IS THAT FUCKING COLCANNON!?” I asked. Fancy Pants nodded.
“My wife said she would try and meet up with you, and the two of us were hoping to meet you… Princess Celestia says you love… Colcannon? It seems to me like… mashed potatoes with green cabbage, green onions, and butter.” He gave me the tub… There’s tofu gravy in this, ponies make good tofu gravy and it’s about as close to a chicken gravy as you can get in Equestria. I stared at it for a good minute.
“...Tell me where the hell you got this, you wonderful stallion.” I took the provided plastic spoon and took a spoonful. “Oh my god…” this tasted just like home.
“Dear,” Fluer said. “I think we just became Dear Source’s favorite of the high class.” I stopped paying attention, I was stuffing my face with some damn good mash.
“I believe so as well,” Fancy chuckled. “A simple stallion, some alcohol, a pretty mare and good food is apparently all Source Code needs… He is going to be so much more fun to deal with than Prince Blueblood.”
“I know, right? Two princes in Equestria, and only one of them is likeable, who would’ve thought?"
“Fancy Pants, best pony,” I said with the spoon full of taters in my mouth. “Oh my god, it’s like an angel came into my mouth to enlighten me.”
“I do not know what an angel is, but I know what those other words are,” Fancy chuckled. “I’ll tell you where you can find some more after you’re satisfied or else you never will remember.” We hopped on the lift and my two new friends started chatting about their mornings, while I just stuffed my face. Before we knew it, we were standing outside the Canterlot Mage Tower.
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By the Power of Cheap Whiskey and Mashed Potatoes, I Compel You!
Another good chapter.
All it would take to kidnap Source is to have good food lmao
I thought there was going to be a serious problem with this interaction, but Fleur and Fancy turned out super.
They were selling for, what, 50 bits a book after Celestia recommended he increase the price? Was 20x books enough for the Guard or a single unit?
I recommend releasing expansions instead of versions. That way each book is worth an investment to the upcoming practitioners and won’t render earlier works moot. And each expansion can be themed that way, so a pony can pick and choose.
funniest shit ever XD
keep it up!
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And cheap whiskey
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No, Whos on First.
As for teh Authors Note.
Be vewwy vewwy careful.
Too much mashed potatoes turns you Rincewind.
Just made me think of the 12th Doctor from Doctor Who when he leaves a room and says, “Door boring not me.” Then he opens a window, “Me!”
(Couldn’t find a clip of it.)
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Couldn't find the clip BUT! i found this! At least I found which episode it was. S34 E1
s2.aminoapps.com/image/6ztiejxn2xv7q3dh4nwacooubop7utws_hq.jpg
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I don't care.