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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Banger chaptor lad see ya next chaptor
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just finished the story board for the next chapter! <3
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Awesome :)
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Thanks for the feedback back. It will help with my writing in the future. I’m no master story writer so I do appreciate you takin the time to say this. Have a blessed day
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In a way, I feel like this story is a self insert. When we place ourselves into a story we try to make things go as well as possible. We as people don't want problems in life, so why would we want that for our virtual self? Thats where the Gary or Mary Stu comes from. You're not wrong. While I wouldn't call him a Gary Stu quite yet, things are going way too easy for the mane character. Now, I give this Author a lot of leeway for having a character that is not sex phobic or touch phobic, and MY GOD that is so refreshing! However you are right in that the Author should strive to make things more difficult for the OC. This is a brand new male Alicorn. Mares should be drugging his drinks to try and get pregnant by him is a seedy motel room. Political climbers should see him as a threat to their goals and power. Hell, there should be someone on that planet that at least thinks he smells funny. Its the difficulties in life that make the story more interesting to read. If everything that James Bond did went the way he wanted it to, the audience would never be on the edge of their seats.
Again, this story isn't that bad, but the Author can improve it going forward.
Monk
"Anon had never known a bat pony to shy away from carnage. They were cuter than kittens, and much more bloodthirsty." -HeideKnight
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Its roughly after season 2 but before season 3 since I haven't mentioned the crystal empire. yet, and chapter 7 briefly covers how he died
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Wait if it’s before S3 how is twilight an alicorn? Or is she because that particular is a bit confusing.
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She isn't quite yet, "the one soon to be Princess Twilight’s" It's implied that she is going to be one soon. I followed the show enough to know when stuff happens but the details elude me so bear with me 😅
It still feels awkward, not having Shining Armor in the picture.
MC spent the whole two months in Canterlot neck deep in foreign policy. He claimed to barely have much time to talk with others in his free time outside of a few activities with Cadence and Luna. Now, he’s an expert on Starswirl’s techniques? Also, why not just make a focus or field of study for the students at Celestia’s School? All the groundwork, facilities, and resources are all there; all you have to do is get permission, participants, and show up. I don’t think Sol thought through the logistics of starting a school from scratch. especially if he intends to teach individuals according to their specific learning styles and needs. A ‘personal student’ program like what Celestia did with Twilight and Sunset might fit his concept better. Did he discuss it with anypony before announcing it?
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Ambition without sufficient prep, or support can lead to failure you are spot on (and the only person to catch it tbh) It's a theme I am trying to emulate. (Side note, I am wholly happy you are reading and interacting with this so I thank you!) Research and being an expert don't mean mastery and I intend to do my best to show Sol is still learning magic and his research during the 2 months was done after hours ( a detail I should have added and will add). I am going to do my darndest to show he is still growing into his magic as he isn't native to it.