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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow, this chapter really paints this guy as being quite dumb. How hard is it to say, "I went to sleep as a human on Earth after a picnic with my mom and woke up next to some ruins as a pony." All you can do in this situation is tell the truth or lie. And lying will only cause problems. Then not thinking and wanting a steak. You never got into how old this guy was, but I'm guessing at this point he was quite young.
You are kind of losing me here. He just seems like he will blindly stumble into issue after issue.
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Thank you! I was going for “hey it’s my second day here and I’m not used to being different” and “how well do I even describe it”. Thank you for pointing out I forgot his age I’ll have to go back and edit that. Appreciate your honesty and you takin the time to read this.
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I always felt ponies would run away screaming the moment one opened a human history book.
So..Twilight isn't an alicorn princess yet.
A bit of constructive criticism, you tend to use more words and to repeat them than you should, a simple example from the chapter. “He could smell food for the first time in a day and his stomach growled fiercely at the prospect of food.“ there was no need to mention food twice, “he could smell food for the first time in a day and his stomach growled fiercely at the prospect. Or at the prospect of eating” It’s nipicking, but there are a couple of times this or things similar happens. Synonims, are your friends, and repeating a word so close together is a bit jarring.
It’s my opinion though, as you do is not wrong, just does not flow quite as well as it could.
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Bless! Thank you i'll keep that in mind going forward!