I sighed as I adjusted the readings again and fixed the measurement errors.
"This won't do. I need more caffeine." I spoke to my assistant without taking my eyes away from the valve.
"Dr. Nikolai. I really think you need to take a break. It's 4 am and you haven't slept at all since yesterday." Elise said with a concerned and frustrated voice as she hesitantly handed me the coffee.
"It's all right. I will rest once I am done. I am so close to getting results." I said dismissively as I downed the espresso quickly, relishing the scalding sensation of the bitter drink in my throat that made me feel more alert.
With my extensive research and expertise in quantum physics, the concept of wormholes appealed to me to be the most probable solution.
It suggests the existence of hypothetical shortcuts through spacetime. If these theoretical passages exist and could be manipulated, it might be conceivable to create a bridge between different points in time, allowing for the reversal of events.
"Eureka! I have a good feeling of it being a success this time!" I exclaimed seeing the lights turn green.
"Are you sure time travel is something that's really possible? I still think it seems far fetched and unscientific." Elise said looking doubtful but her voice indicated a slight hopeful tone.
"Nothing is impossible Elise. As long as one is able to comprehend something and find a probable solution, anything no matter how improbable is not beyond certainty." I said glancing at my reflection on the metal surface of the containers.
I looked terrible to put it simply.
The dark circle under my eyes seem to grow even more, my eyes which were once bright and filled with curiosity was now a dull brown.
The exhaustion made it seem like I was far beyond my twenties.
My hair was an unkempt mess and grew long enough to the point it reached my shoulders.
I really need to get a haircut once I am done with this.
I closed my eyes and listened to the whirring sounds of the machines and the timely, even paced beeping feeling content.
"It should take a few more minutes till we get a definite solution. Experiment number 72." Elise sounded tired but hopeful.
I opened my eyes trying to ignore the migraine that had been constantly bothering me for a while now.
"I am hopeful as well this time. It's been a whole minute and there hasn't been an explosion so far." I laughed remembering the last experiment.
I grimaced at the sudden wave of exhaustion I felt and wobbled slightly as I clutched the desk near me, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy.
Elise quickly brought a seat for me and handed me a glass of water.
"Doctor....when was the last time you ate something?"
"I had coffee." I shrugged not wanting her to worry.
She simply raised her brows and glared at me.
"Coffee isn't food. When was the last time you had something edible?"
"I don't remember." I looked away.
"Seeing how you have an eidetic memory and can't remember when you last ate, It must be a long time since you ate something." She sighed and gave me a granola bar.
I smiled thankfully and took a few bites.
Suddenly we felt a slight electric current and I quickly skimmed through the indictation on the monitor.
It appeared for a few seconds but we both seemed to have noticed the anomaly.
"Get the readings of the quantized energy levels and wave particles!" I exclaimed as I rushed towards the monitor furiously typing the prompts.
"Already on it sir!" She worked quickly and efficiently.
I adjusted the valves based on her readings and for the first time in years I couldn't help but smile in excitement.
"Everything's stable here! I believe the rotators will start in approximately two minutes from now." I grinned as I quickly did the calculations in my head.
We both rushed to a safe area to avoid the radiation but could still feel the surging electric currents in the air.
"I bet 20 dollars it won't explode this time." She grinned excitedly as she saw the lights turn red.
"I am in agreement with you this time. Don't want to bet on something where I would have a higher probability of loss." I grinned back at her.
The countdown showed 60 seconds remaining for it to be charged fully.
"Nikolai....if time travel was really possible, What is the first thing you intend to do?" She asked curiously not taking her eyes off the monitor.
I smiled sadly as I observed the fluctuating numbers on the screen.
"I spent 12 years on this project Elise....just so I could go back in time and tell my mom how much she truly meant to me."
Elise turned to look at me with a sad expression.
"I am really sorry about what happened to your mother. If this succeeds....no....when this succeeds go and tell her how much you love her. You really meant the world to her Nick."
I smiled at her sadly as I remembered the moment my mother shielded me from the monster with the knife.
Angry words....slurred speech filled with vile words....A broken wine bottle that left a permanent scar on my back and a man grabbing the kitchen knife and approaching me.
Those distant memories....no nightmares....could be replayed in my mind like it was happening now.
Having an eidetic memory is not as great as it is made out to be.
Not when I can still see her holding me in her trembling arms while whispering sweet words of comfort as I cry helplessly in her arms.
The sadistic laughter of the man who was my father in nothing but name as he stabbed my mother repeatedly with the kitchen knife are voices that still echo
in my mind.
I cannot recall whether the screams of my mother or mine were louder as I was covered in her blood.
The nauseating metallic smell as she shielded me from every blow is still vivid in my mind.
I still remember the sensation of her warm body turning cold as her lifeless body flopped down on the floor beside me.
I was a foolish child trying desperately to wake up someone without a pulse.
The tears remained in her eyes even when they were empty, hollow and lifeless devoid of the gentle, comforting brightness those soft blue orbs once had.
Father glanced at me dispassionately as he lit up a cigarette calmly not showing an ounce of guilt after brutally murdering my mother.
"Why?" I whispered the word using whatever strength remained in me, the word barely able to come out of my throat as I choked down tears.
He looked down at me like I was an insect.
"That's what she deserves for getting a restraining order against me."
I clasped the corners of my labcoat and shook my head bringing myself to the present.
Now is not the time to remember that. Even though I have always regretted not being able to move or help mother in any way as she gave up her life to protect me.
I distractedly rubbed my hand near my back knowing the cause of the scar.
"You look pale. You alright Doc?"
"Let's countdown when it's 10 seconds." I smiled weakly despite the ache in my heart.
"10!" I began.
"9!" She smiled.
"8!" If this succeeds, we would be achieving what was once considered impossible.
"7!" We continued counting.
"6!" I really hope we succeed this time.
"5!" I wonder if I can change the past in any way with my actions.
"4!" The sounds of thunder and rain increased outside.
"3!" I should have brought an umbrella.
"2!" Oh well...
"1"....
"Well that was anticlimactic...." I sighed as nothing happened for a few seconds.
"I really hoped this one was a success...What do you think went wrong this time?" Elise said dissatisfied with the results.
I skimmed through the charts as I searched for any inconsistencies.
"The energy levels are off by mere decimals." I groaned in frustration.
When we deemed it safe from radioactive elements and gamma rays, we left the safe barrier of reinforced radiation shielding glass.
I sighed exhausted.
"Let's try again tomorrow."
"Hopefully experiment number 74 proves to be a success." She sighed.
We turned away from the experiment deciding it was better to resume tommorow instead.
The sound of booming thunder and a sudden flicker of lights stopped us in our tracks.
The lights suddenly went off, leaving us in complete darkness.
I turned on the emergency lights and we basked in the eerie dim blue light.
"Do you think the weather interfered with the test results?" She spoke the words lingering in my mind.
"I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. It seems highly probable." I said thoughtfully.
"This doesn't look right..."She indicated the monitor with trepidation.
"Why is it still running....Shouldn't it have shut down immediately upon failure?"
"Yes...It was programmed to do so. I don't understand it either how it is still running without any electrical supply." I frowned at the impossibility of it as I rechecked the readings.
The lights flickered again and there was a sudden wave of current in the air.
My eyes widened in horror as I saw the high levels of radiation detected.
"THE RADIATION LEVELS!" I shrieked desperately, dragging her with me towards the safety of the glass barrier.
But it was too late....
There was a sudden light.
Everything was too bright and then there was darkness.
......................................................
I felt like I was drowning.
I could barely breathe as I felt the water overpower me.
Is this what death feels like?
I tried to calm down and lay on my back.
It felt strange but I managed to get to the surface and claw my way out by climbing up the soil.
My eyes opened wide in horror as I realized I couldn't feel my fingers.
What appeared to be stubs of grey covered with grey fur replaced what were once hands.
I shrieked in horror as I suddenly looked at the reflection in the water.
I was some sort of equine creature with a horn.
"This isn't real. I must be hallucinating or losing my sanity." I laughed nervously as I examined my new appearance in the river's reflection.
"A horned horse? I look like a unicorn of some sorts...just with unrealistic colors."
I hoped that I was in some kind of realistic dream and didn't actually become this mythical creature.
The feeling of pain made me doubt if it was just a lucid dream but I ignored it and pushed it at the back of my mind.
I had bright emerald green eyes instead of my usual brown and my hair....or was it mane? was a dark shade of bluish black with some white streaks on them. My coat was greyish white and I had the same scar I used to have before near my back.
There was also a strange tattoo of the quantum physics symbol with some star shaped particles revolving around it on my flank but I ignored it trying to hold onto whatever sanity I had remaining.
Sure Quantum Physics was my speciality but I couldn't recall getting a tattoo of it on my behind.
The flora and fauna seemed unlike anything I had seen on earth.
"Oh great. I am a talking equinous horned creature in a strange place that definitely isn't earth."
I tried to wipe the dirt of my hooves and instinctively felt a strange sensation of warmth on my horns as a strange white light seperated the dirt particles from me.
"What the buck!" I sighed and just laid down on the forest ground.
"......Great I can't even cuss now."
I shut my eyes hoping to wake up from this strange lucid dream soon.
There are awkward bits of phrasing and strange words choices every few sentences. You're also using some unusual formatting conventions and some curious spacing and indentation choices that make it look like you accidentally pressed enter a couple dozen times. It's not bad but it's enough to distract me from the story.
The flashback feels out of place.
You should probably have published two chapters at once. As it is, this is just a generic intro that gives background info on the protagonist, but doesn't actually tell readers what the story is going to be about. It would help if there were more of a hook to motivate people to want to follow a story. A second chapter would have helped provide one.
I recommend not. Nothing about her personality especially makes me want her to tag along, and for a first-time writer, having two fish-out-of-water characters may present more of a burden on you as a writer than she adds to the story by her presence. It's a little odd that you're asking, though. From the character tags I assume you have an idea of how this story is going to play out. Who the primary characters will be seems like something that should already be fairly well established in your mind.
@LordBucket Hey thanks for leaving a review! Really appreciate it! And yes will take a while to get used to this site but will try to format better so it's easier to read!
Also yep I have a good idea of the story flow but like to get opinions from the readers on some parts!
Got a few more chapters ready that I intent to publish maybe on a weekly basis, but since you are the first person to comment I published another chapter! ^^
Hope you enjoy! And thanks again! Constructive criticism really helps me figure out how to make it better!
An insect*
Restraining*
[And do you think the assistant Elise should also end up transmigrating (I am thinking she could be a changeling if she does) or should it just be him?]
No, one is good enough
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Ooh tysm! Can't believe I missed it! Will make the changes! 👍
I see the word losing misspelled as loosing so often that I begin to wonder. Time travel is an interesting concept though. Been enough of it to have plenty of shared theory in a dozen different forms.
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Ooh thanks for pointing it out! Corrections made!
(I have always thought it was spelt as loosing for some reason lol)
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The frustrating thing about English is that 'loosing' is still a word, just not the desired meaning. 'Loosing' means to be in the act of setting something free (loosing the dogs on an intruder, for example).
That being said, there was one other thing I noticed, it's "espresso" not "expresso", for the coffee consumed by Nicolai at the start of the chapter.
Aaaand im not reading this.
I hate stories that do this.
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Oh I see! Thanks for the help once more! Really helps me out!
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I understand readers have different preferences and that's perfectly alright.
I find it amusing when I come across it but I get you man, hope you find another story more suited to your interests! Thanks for checking out the first chapter! ^^
His assistant should be there since he dragged her to the blast and was probably hit by it if he didn't maybe she was teleported further off though
Also I was thinking pegasus since then she could forage some lightning up and be resistant during wiring
Anyway I like it so far :)
Minor error: "unrealistically" should be "unrealistic"
Can't see him picking a Pony name at this time. And I too think it would make sense for the assistant to have transmigrated along with him if she was caught in the same accident, but I'm fine with waiting until later when you're ready and comfortable with writing her in to the narrative. (you can keep the focus on the guy regardless)
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Thanks for pointing it out! Will change! 👍
Looks like a fun story.
While this story has been intriguing so far, I am wondering if there needs to be a change in the rating for this work of fiction. I don't think the word "b**ch" is for every single person of all ages. Unless there had been a societal change in the past that I haven't notice until now, I don't think such a word can pass into the "E for everyone" category. That and the word "buck." (which isn't exactly the same as the four letter F-word, but very similar) I suggest that you either change or erase the B-word, or flip the rating of this story to T for teens.
I'm also a part of the minority that is not a fan of 'mature' profanity and name-calling, but I am willing to read on to see where this story goes for now.
May God bless you and those you hold dear!
-Davidtin, enjoyer of pony fics (mostly)
Color me interested.
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Oh? I always thought the word bi**h was pretty tame but you are right. Changed it to make it more suitable for all ages! Thanks for the suggestion!
1 and yes
I think the correct verbiage is “had” instead of “had” right here
I think it supposed to be “word” here, instead of “words”, since he only said one word
I think the correct word here is “breathe” rather than “breath”
The magical tramp stamp has no need for you to make poor life decisions to acquire it
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Thanks for the corrections! Appreciate it!
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The girl is here as well right?
At first I wanted to trash on this story for using gobbledygook, but no. After a quick Google search I found out that quantized energy levels are in fact a thing. I've no idea what it is and the Wikipedia page was way too long for me to read, but it is a thing. Wave particles tho, kinda don't make sense. I presume it's going from the fact that quantum particles can both behave as a wave and a regular partical depending on the circumstances (it's called the wave-partical duality). So it at least somewhat based on actual physics, but unless it's saying the partical is in a superposition of wave and partical (which would be just a regular unobserved quantum partical to my understanding) that's it.
Still surprised quantized energy levels are a thing tho because if I ever heard a gobbledygook it would be that.
What exactly is this "quantum physics symbol"? Did you mean the standard atom symbol, or some lesser known proposal (of which there's a few)?
If you're considering alternatives, a more specific symbol like capital Psi (Ψ - wavefunction), or h-bar (ℏ - Planck constant reduced) might work better imo.
11721070
I had the same question. The best Google could come up with was, as you suggest, a simple atomic idiograph.
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Quantized is just an egghead word for measured.
What precisely is 'the quantum physics symbol'? The only thing I could think of is the Greek letter Psi (Ψ/ψ) which is the closest to a universally recognized symbol in quantum mechanics, but I've never heard anything referred to as 'the quantum physics symbol'.
11721947
No, it's the physics word for discrete/non-continuous/counted with integers. For example, 100 apples is a quantized measurement while 100 kg of apples is a continuous measurement.
It just had to be Time Travvel.
Careful that you don't cause a paradox.
One horn.
Though, to wit, unicorns apparently are mentioned in the Bible... and are described as having two horns.
Whoever that was, you had one job!
Recommendations:
A) Your plot concept isn't bad, just be careful about plot holes such as what happened to the assistant? Make sure you know and fill the audience in when it fits the story.
B) Have a list of notes or key points you are trying to reach with your writing so you have a basic diagram of the story you're working from.
C) Start off writing the way you speak, then work to modify it as you develop your style.
D) Proofread, Proofread, Proofread then edit the hell out of what you write until you've crossed every i and doted every t. (Skip that, reverse it.)
E) Don't take yourself too seriously. Try to enjoy the process of creativity.
F) Don't take other people too seriously when it comes to critiques. (The best critiques will be aimed at helping you improve, not ripping you apart.)
G) The best stories are character driven. Develop your characters' personalities so you know them like the back of your hand.
H) Make sure your character reacts to situations based upon their own experience, moral standards, likes and dislikes.)
I) Above all relax. (No, I am not a gung-ho iguana a-la The Last Starfighter.
Good Luck!
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Well, some fat uni... I mean, rhinos have two horns.