How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

by MacArthurite

Life is a Cycle

It was about halfway through dinner when I realized that my phone was dead.

After we all sat down to eat, Mr. and Mrs. Heartstrings engaged the three of us in conversation. Well, mostly Lyra and Starlight. Though I was occasionally spoken to, I spent most of my time savoring Mrs. Heartstrings's fantastic cooking. A part of me was miffed that my hosts seemingly had little interest in talking to me, but given that it kept Mr. Heartstrings's attention off of me for the most part, I was happy to keep quiet. Unfortunately, this arrangement did not last forever, and my attention was rudely ripped from my taco bowl by the voice of my newfound royalist friend.

"...if that's okay with you, Jack."

I froze mid chew and looked at Lyra. She was holding her phone in both hands, a hopeful expression on her face.

Starlight noticed my deer-in-the-headlights expression and graciously intervened before awkward silence could set in.

"Lyra was suggesting that you swap numbers with the two of us so we can stay in contact."

I instinctually glanced at Mr. Heartstrings. He met my gaze, a neutral expression on his face. Now, I have a healthy fear of protective dads after an event in seventh grade that I will not elaborate on, and that stare was bringing up some bad memories. I turned to Lyra and opened my mouth, ready to shoot down her idea as gently as I could. However, when I saw the excited hope in her eyes, my words got caught in my throat. I couldn't do it. Pissed off dad be damned, she was getting that number.

"Sure, Lyra."

Lyra's radiant smile made another appearance when I accepted. After taking a moment to remind myself how to breathe, I glanced back at her Dad. He...didn't look mad? Granted, he didn't look happy either, but I decided to count it as a win nonetheless. After confirming that I was not going to be chased out of the house with a makeshift weapon, I pulled out my phone and tried to turn it on. An empty battery symbol flashed on the screen.

"Sorry, looks like my phone is dead. Is there a charger I can borrow?"

Mrs. Heartstrings pointed to the kitchen, "There should be one over on the kitchen counter."

I thanked her and walked over to the counter. Sure enough, there was a phone charger. I plugged my phone in and made my way back to the kitchen table.

"I guess we'll have to swap numbers later. We can do it when I'm about to head home."

"That's alright. Thanks for agreeing!" Lyra chirped.

I smiled, and prepared to dig back into my taco bowl, but was interrupted again.

"That reminds me: when and how are you going home, dear?" Mrs. Heartstrings asked. "Will your parents be picking you up, or will I need to give you a ride?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but stopped. This time, an awkward silence did descend over the dining room.

"Do you...not know?" Mrs. Heartstrings guessed.

I tried to deny it. Looking like an idiot in front of a new friend's parents wouldn't make for a good first impression. Unfortunately, I don't always think quickly under pressure, and the ensuing silence threatened to turn awkward once more. Luckily, Starlight came to my rescue again.

"He had a rough day, and I did kinda drag him here as soon as school ended. If anything, it's my fault he forgot. You know how I am with forgetting! Remember that time I forgot to get your daughter a birthday present, and then tried to get her one but got arrested for shoplifting, and then we had to reschedule the party until after my Dad bailed me out?! I do! Ha ha ha ha!"

Mr. and Mrs. Heartstrings just looked fondly at Starlight. Not that I blamed them, I was probably doing the same after that save. The shoplifting thing didn't bother me, as it was probably the most normal thing I'd learned about her all day.

"Yeah, I forgot. Don't worry, Mrs. Heartstrings, I'll arrange something with my parents once I finish eating," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I don't want to bother you with giving me a ride after you've already made me dinner. Speaking of which..."

I sat down, and picked up my fork, ready to resume my meal when I was once again interrupted. I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone unleashed a cacophony of notification alerts. I looked back at it, seeing that it was vibrating so much it was shaking some of the items around it on the counter, and then looked back to my meal. With a sigh, I set down my fork and trudged over to the charging station.

My lock screen was cluttered with missed call notifications and increasingly urgent texts from my family.

Missed Calls (5): Jill

Messages (25): Jill

Messages (13): Mom

Missed Calls (9): Mom

Missed Calls (2): Dad

It was at this point that I remembered that not only did I forget to arrange a way home, but that I'd also forgotten to tell anyone I was going to a friend's house in the first place. Figuring that I better let my family know I wasn't dead as soon as possible, I quickly weighed my options before dialing my Dad's number. The call was answered immediately.

"Jack?! Is that you, son?!"

I flinched back from my Dad's bellowing voice.

"Yeah, Dad. Sorry, my phone die-"

"Where the hell are you, boy?!"

"I-"

"We've been looking all over town for you! Your mother's a wreck, and your sister is pacing a hole in the floor! I was just about to call the police, for Pete's sake!"

"Okay! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I took a few deep breaths before continuing in a calmer tone, "I'm over at a friend's house. Two of my friends invited me to hang out, and I hitched a ride with them. I'm sorry for not telling anyone, but I had a rough day, and it just slipped my mind."

Dad took a moment of his own to calm his breathing, "I'm happy for you, son, but that doesn't excuse—"

I never heard the end of that sentence because the phone was yanked out of my hand. I whirled around just in time to see Starlight press it to her ear.

"Hello, Mr. Daniels. This is Starlight Glimmer: founder of the HEH, and new best friend of your son!"

She turned and gave me a confident grin and a wink.

"Yep, I met him this morning and introduced him to a friend of mine! We all have a lot in common, so we instantly clicked. He was practically jumping at the chance to join! But anyway, don't be too mad at Jack. I was the one who dragged him here. Sorry for kidnapping him." Her eyes widened, and her grin tightened. "I-I mean, sorry for abducting him! I-I mean, s-sorry for forcing him to come to an unknown location without anyone's knowledge! Wait, let me start over—!"

This time, Lyra yanked my phone away from Starlight. I assume she was planning on smoothing things over before the police was called to kick down her door, but she went rigid the second my Dad's voice came through.

"Ah...um, well, you see..."

She gave up on trying to say anything and thrust the phone into my hands.

"Sorry about all that, Dad," I said. "I'm fine, Starlight just misspoke."

The other end of the call was silent for a moment before he chuckled. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or scared at the sound.

"I'm coming to get you. What's the address you're at?"

I got the address from one of the Heartstrings's power bills, which Lyra had helpfully handed to me when I started frantically looking around, and told him.

"Alright," he replied. "I'll be there in a minute, son. I'll also let you mother and sister know what's going on."

I said goodbye, and he hung up. I turned to the others and gave an apologetic smile.

"Looks like I'll be going home soon. Sorry for all that."

Starlight and Lyra shared a worried look.

"He's not mad at you, is he?" asked Lyra.

"Probably a little, but don't worry. He's a good Dad. He'll just get on my case on the ride home about letting others know where I'm going, and about how I need to keep my phone charged."

After I reassured them, the girls visibly relaxed. Especially Starlight, who was probably worried that her cult induction had gotten me in trouble.

"That's a relief. I'll make sure to remind you to give your parents a heads up next time I bring you to an HEH meeting," said Starlight.

"Oooh!" Mrs. Heartstrings exclaimed. "Did Jack join your club?"

Starlight's brow furrowed, "It's not a club. It's an organization devoted to love and—"

"Yes, I did," I interrupted.

Mrs. Heartstrings's eyes sparkled, "I guess that means I should expect to see a lot more of you from now on. You ought to tell me what kind of food you like so I know what to make in the future."

"If all your cooking is anything like what you made today, then I think I'll enjoy anything you make me," I replied.

Seriously, I can't emphasize enough just how bomb that woman's cooking is. Mr. Heartstrings is a lucky man.

"That reminds me: I really need to finish dinner before Dad gets here." I strode over to the table and picked up my fork. This time, I would not be interrupted. I was going to eat every last bit of my taco bowl, and the fates were going to like it! I scooped up a big piece and lifted it up, my mouth watering in anticipation.

A series of knocks at the front door interrupted me.

"Are you in there, Jack? It's your father!"

It turns out that my house wasn't all that far from Lyra's. I dropped my fork and hung my head in despair.

---

My Dad's first meeting with Starlight and the Heartstrings family went well. After confirming I hadn't actually been kidnapped, and that I really was at a friend's house, he introduced himself to my hosts. He asked if I had caused any trouble, and Mrs. Heartstrings confirmed that that was not the case. After that, the parents engaged in some small talk while I swapped numbers with the girls. Once the adults finished talking, I was ushered out to the car.

"See you at school tomorrow!" Starlight called out. Lyra didn't say anything, but gave me a cheerful wave goodbye as we drove off.

The ride was quiet at first, but Dad quickly broke the silence.

"So, you made friends with those girls already?" He sounded pleased, which alleviated a lot of my anxiety.

"Yeah. We have...a lot in common."

Dad smirked, "I'm proud of you, son. Catching the eye of two pretty girls in less than a day? Looks like you've finally started showing the old Daniels charm."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't bother correcting him. It'd be better to have him believe that than attempt explaining the real reasons that brought the three of us together.

"Jokes aside, I'm glad you've made friends. I know how difficult things were for you back in your old school, so it's a relief to know the same thing isn't happening here."

I smiled, "Thanks, Dad."

"And if the Daniels charm does draw them in, make sure to be responsible and not do anything stupid."

"Shut up, Dad," I said, punching his shoulder.

The conversation went on for a little while after that. He made me promise to always let him or Mom know if I was going to be doing something after school, and I told him a little bit about my day and my new friends (being careful to avoid mentioning my tirade in the hallway or the girls's eccentricities). By the time I finished my heavily abridged retelling, we had arrived back at our new home.

Mom and Jill were waiting for me on the porch. Mom looked frazzled, her hair somewhat messy and her eyes slightly red. Jill, on the other hand, looked just as well-groomed and composed as she had been that morning, the only difference being the irritated expression she wore.

As soon as I slipped out of the car, Mom ran over and wrapped me in a hug.

"Oh, I was so worried, honey! I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mom. Sorry for the scare. Next time I hang out with Starlight and Lyra, I'll be sure to let you know beforehand."

Mom pulled back and cupped my face in her hands, an excited smile on her face, "Your father told me you'd made friends! Their names are Starlight and Lyra?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I met them when-"

"Starlight Glimmer and Lyra Heartstrings, right? Those are their names?" Like a wayward baseball shattering a neighbor's expensive vase, my sister's voice obliterated my good mood and wiped the smile off of my face.

I eyed her knowing expression with trepidation, "Yes, those are their names. What about it?"

She sighed in her usual annoyed way, "I know you want friends, but you might want to look elsewhere. I managed to befriend a few well-connected students in my class today, and they all unanimously told me that those two, among others, should be avoided at all costs. If you'd like, there are a few people I could introduce you to if you-"

"I'm not going to ditch my new friends just because your classmates said mean things about them," I deadpanned. I was also NOT about to give her the benefit of the doubt when it came to intervening in my social life again. To this day, I don't understand why she thought I'd listen to her that night, but I digress.

"It's more than just 'mean things', Jack. They're super weird! Nearly everybody I talked to said that the two of them are into some really...well, weird stuff! I heard that Lyra is completely obsessed with some fantasy world she made up, and they say Starlight is into fringe politics!" She turned to Mom and Dad, "Do you want Jack to be spending time with people like that, especially after his freak out this morning?"

Mom and Dad gave each other a long look before turning to me, clearly concerned.

"Is that true, Jack?" Mom asked. "Did those two show any signs of what Jill is talking about?"

I knew full well that all of it was true. No way I was telling them that, though.

I carefully schooled my face into a neutral expression, "No, they seemed perfectly normal to me."

Jill frowned, "That's a lie, and you kno-!"

Surprisingly, she was cut off by Dad of all people.

"Calm down, sweetie. If your brother says they're normal, then let's take him at his word. He can pick his friends for himself."

Jill's famed composure cracked, and she gave him a look of utter disbelief, "But Dad-!"

"No buts. Jack can make his own choices. If those two girls really are bad news, we'll deal with it, but right now, all you have to go on are rumors. You should know full well by now why rumors shouldn't be taken with more than a grain of salt."

Jill flinched, "I'm just trying to look out for my little brother..."

I scoffed, not even trying to hide my eye roll.

"Don't get an attitude with your sister, Jack," Mom softly reprimanded. "She is your big sister."

"She's only four months older than me," I muttered, but still relented from saying some of more mean-spirited things that popped up in my mind. "Yes, Mom."

"Good. Now, apologize to each other," she ordered.

We hesitated before initiating an awkward sibling hug. Before I could pull away, however, Jill tightened her grip and leaned over to my ear.

"Those two are pariahs," she whispered. "If you befriend them, nobody is gonna want to be around you. Just make some normal friends." She then pulled back.

"Good," said Mom. "Now start getting ready for bed. The two of you have school again in the morning!"

Jill led the way, with Mom close behind, while I leveled an unseen glare at my sister's retreating back.

Now, I know what you're thinking, and I want to address it before moving on. Despite all of the passive-aggressiveness, I don't hate Jill. Like I said, we have a rocky relationship for reasons that are unimportant to this discussion, but it won't have too much of an impact on future events. No need to worry: this account is not going to descend into an angsty family drama! Nothing but magically enhanced, late puberty-tinged existential crises to be found here! Honest! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a—!"

*BANG BANG BANG*

...!

—S-Sorry for slamming my head on the table; I won't do that again. I just—I just don't want to risk drawing...her to this place.

*shudders*

...

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Back to the story.

So, my glaring was interrupted by my Dad, who laid his hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and he met my gaze with an unusually grave expression.

"Son, I'm trusting your decision to pursue a friendship with those girls, but if it turns out that they really are cracked, there's something you need to keep in mind. No matter how hot they are, no matter how much emotional validation they give you, no matter how good they are at making out: Never. Kiss. Crazy." Dad gulped, and I found myself genuinely spooked by his thousand-yard stare. "I made that mistake once, dated an archeology major named Yearlong or something while I was still in college. Worst mistake of my life. When I tried to break up with her after graduation, she put on a knockoff Indiana Jones outfit and tracked me down to my home in Arkansas. It was a year-and-a-half before I finally lost her." He smiled then, "Luckily, I met your mother soon after, and life's been a dream ever since." The smile fell again, "I say all this to you not only as your father, but also from one man to another. Do you understand?"

I meekly nodded.

"Good." He patted me on the shoulder. "Now let's get inside. You've got another big day tomorrow."

---

My arrival in Mrs. Harshwhinny's class the next morning was marked by wary looks, and then outright whispering when a beaming Starlight wished me a good morning. As I half-listened to my purple pastel pal try to convince me to 'read theory' (whatever that means) and discuss it with her at the next meeting, I begrudgingly concluded that Jill had been right. More than a few people knew about the two's eccentricities, and now that I was openly associating with them, it looked like I would soon be regarded with the same poorly-disguised contempt they were directing at Starlight.

It was a disappointing realization, but it didn't make me change my mind. Why would I care what a bunch of possibly-horrific-cosmic-monster people thought of me? I'm an American, dammit, I'd befriend whatever mentally unstable cartoon characters I wanted! Plus, even if I hadn't already decided to stick with Starlight and Lyra, the knowledge that Jill didn't want me to be friends with them would've convinced me to do it anyway out of spite. With that thought, I ignored the onlookers and tried (and failed) to understand any of what Starlight was trying to explain to me.

The first three periods of school went by relatively uneventfully aside from repeated threats from Mrs. Harshwhinny, Mr. Cranky, and Ms. Peachbottom to put me in detention for chatting during class. However, that changed during lunch. By the time fourth period rolled around, I'd become acquainted with a certain Queen Bee, develop a new phobia, have my new reputation set in stone.

Author's Note:

The foundation has been laid, so now it's time to set the stage.

Comments

[Senpai_Tempest]

So when you say four months older do you mean 4 minutes older cause there twins right, loved the chapter by the way.

[TheBlueArmada]

—S-Sorry for slamming my head on the table; I won't do that again. I just—I just don't want to risk drawing... her to this place.

Honestly if I leaved in a world with pinky, the higher dimensional god. I would be right scared.

[MacArthurite]

11684882
Nope, that was intentional. Four months.

There are a lot of factors contributing to why they're a little standoffish towards each other.

[Starlight Nova]

Is this story based off of the The Simpsons/Arthur crossover fanfic?

[MacArthurite]

11684936
I didn't know that existed, so no

[LoserkidUwU]

Looking good, interesting start. I've never read a fic that had similar topics to this one.

[Mockingbirb]

11684882

So when you say four months older do you mean 4 minutes older cause there twins right, loved the chapter by the way.

I, too, was wondering about this, although I'm sure there are circumstances in which it could make sense.

[Reych]

This is a wonderful story. Looking forward to the continuation!

[MurderP0n7]

"She's only four months older than me," I muttered, but still relented from saying some of more mean-spirited things that popped up in my mind. "Yes, Mom."

That's weird, isn't the minimum age difference between two brothers supposed to be one year? How would I be older by 4 months? Unless someone is adopted...

[sirenc0re]

11723545
maybe they just had jack REALLY fast after jill?

[Shadow-Dancer]

11723545
10 months if they got to work soon after the first kid but overthinking a comedy fic aside this is great