How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

by MacArthurite

In the Beginning

One of the best pieces of advice I can offer you is to always be prepared for life to punch you in the face, because the less time you spend reeling from the hit, the more you have to prepare for the next one. In addition, you should be prepared for a blow to come at all times and from any direction. No matter how unlikely it seems, no matter how secure you feel, and no matter how much experience you have, always be on guard. If it sounds like I'm telling you to be paranoid, that's because that's exactly what I'm telling you. Just don't be too paranoid, because I can tell you from personal experience that it will cause you a lot of avoidable stress. But before we get into all of that, allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Jack Daniels.

Yeah, yeah, get the laughter and alcohol jokes out of your system. Nothing I haven't heard before.

With that out of the way, let's get back on track. My name is Jack Daniels, little brother of Jill Daniels (my parents have quite the sense of humor, if you couldn't tell), and son of Ezra and Minerva Daniels. I have average height, average looks, am a solid B- student, and have the sort of hobbies one might expect of your run-of-the-mill teenager. I have a decent relationship with my parents, and a bit of a rocky one with my sister. All things considered, I was a pretty average guy before this whole mess got started. Now, well...while I wouldn't consider myself average anymore, I like to think I'm the most normal person I know.

It all started when my parents pulled Jill and I aside one day and told us that we were moving to Canterlot, Virginia. My sister made a big fuss about the whole thing, but I more or less accepted it. While Jill had no desire to leave behind her friends, I was a little excited by the prospect of moving to a place where neither of us had a reputation (not that I'd tell her that). So despite her protests, we started packing up for the move that summer. After a big going away party and a lot of tears, we made the drive from Georgia to our new home.

Our arrival to Canterlot was pretty uneventful for me, but that was because I slept through a lot of it. I didn't get the chance to get accustomed to my new home after arriving since, due to a number of complications, our drive to the Old Dominion State was delayed up until the day before school started at Canterlot High. So once we got there, we had just enough time to do a bit of unpacking before going straight to bed.

I didn't give it much thought at the time, but that one decision would have major consequences for the rest of my high school career.

---

My troubles began when the bus pulled up to the house that morning. I entered ahead of my sister and rounded the corner to find...

I blinked, not able to process what was in front of me.

"Stop standing in the middle of the aisle! Go find a seat!" Jill whispered, lightly pushing me forward. Still in shock, I could do little more than silently walk forward and take an open seat in the very back. After sitting down, I took the chance to look around without having to worry about meeting any of my fellow passenger's eyes.

Everyone on that bus aside from my sister was...colored.

...

Don't give me that look. I mean that they were literally colored; as in, they looked like cartoon characters. Their skin and eye colors ranged from dark purple to lemon yellow, while their hair almost inevitably sported one or more unnatural colors. And I could tell that none of this was artificial. No, the weird coloration was all completely natural.

Naturally, I didn't know what to think. Was I dreaming? Was something wrong with my head? Had I wandered into a town of human-eldritch monster hybrids like in "The Shadow Over Innsmouth"? I just sort of sat there and stared at everybody the entire ride, unable to decide what was going on and what I should do about it. I didn't snap out of my daze until we reached the school. I looked out the window, and unfortunately for my sanity, everyone else in sight looked just as bizarre as the students on the bus.

In hindsight, I probably looked really weird as I followed the throng of students into the building. My eyes were wide, I was staring at everyone, and I visibly flinched the first time one of them brushed up against me. Some of them even noticed and started shooting me looks in return, which caused my anxiety to skyrocket. It wasn't until I saw Jill chatting with one of the cartoon people that I wrenched myself out of auto-pilot mode.

"Why does she look so calm? How is she so unfazed by all of this... weirdness?" I thought.

Thinking back, I realized that she didn't seem shocked on the bus either. She'd just pushed me and then acted like nothing was amiss after taking her seat. Was she just a really good actor? Did she know something I didn't?

"I don't know what is going on, but I need to find out."

With a deep breath, I walked over and tapped her on the shoulder, careful to avoid the gaze of the pink and dark blue-haired person(?) next to her.

"Sis, can I talk to you for a second?"

Jill said something to the girl, causing her to nod and walk away, before turning to me.

"What is it?" she asked.

I paused for a moment, carefully considering my next words. I needed to find out more about the situation I was in without drawing too much attention to myself. After weighing my options, I finally decided on what I concluded to be a subtle, yet concise choice.

"Why aren't you freaking out about all the colored people?" I finally asked.

Unfortunately for me, sometimes I can be really stupid.

Jill blinked, "What?"

I just gestured at the students around us.

"You don't find the fact that our new schoolmates come in every color of the rainbow a little weird? I don't know about Virginia, but people looked normal down in Georgia."

Jill's eyes widened slightly, but her bewildered expression remained, "What?"

I gestured at the pastel people again, this time a little more manically than before.

"They look like cartoon characters, Jill! I can't be the only person who notices that! I know that you're probably a little freaked out too, but-"

A series of grumbles from close by caught my attention. I looked around to see a small crowd had formed around us. A quick evaluation of their expressions told me three things: that I wasn't as quiet as I'd thought I was being, that they'd heard me, and that they were not happy. I froze like a deer in the headlights, trying to calculate the fastest route to the front door and preparing to throw myself into the horde to buy my sister time to escape. Just before I could put my plan into action, Jill spoke up with an awkward laugh.

"Sorry everyone, my little brother has a unique sense of humor. Ignore him."

I could barely contain my grin as Jill dragged me to the side.

"My sister is a genius! She distracted the pastel people like a pro and is going to get us out of here in one piece! I take back every mean thing I've ever said about you; you're the best big sister in the whole wor-"

Jill shot me the deepest scowl I'd ever seen, and sent my heart sinking into my stomach.

"I don't know if this is some sort of stupid joke, but you need to cut it out. I swear, if you ruin my first impression here because you're trying to be funny, I'll-!" She took a few deep breaths before continuing in a more restrained tone, "Just...just don't act like a total weirdo. And if you do, then don't talk to me in public."

With that, she strode back over to the girl she was talking to earlier, a pleasant smile plastered on her face.

And just like that, I was cast adrift in a sea of unnaturally colored cartoon teens. Teens who still didn't look very happy to see me.

---

"Psst, hey! Lift up your head and look at me!"

A feminine voice whispered from my right. It seemed like someone was trying to get my attention, but I was in no mood for conversation. I sat in the farthest chair from the entrance, right in the back left corner, with my head on my desk. After the incident with my sister and an awkward call with my mom that yielded similar results, I decided the best course of action was to try and avoid the...whatever they were. So I planned on ignoring the speaker at first, but her next words made me freeze.

"Good to meet someone else who knows that something weird is going on in this place."

I warily looked up and studied her appearance more closely. She was an older looking girl with light purple skin, dark purple hair with cyan streaks tied back into a ponytail, and piercing violet eyes. She wore a violet vest over a black t-shirt, a knee-length black skirt, and slightly scuffed boots. Seeing her gave me a faint sense of recognition, and I realized after a moment that she'd been one of the people who'd overheard my conversation with Jill.

She easily met my gaze and stuck her hand out to me with a grin.

"Starlight Glimmer!" she introduced herself confidently.

I managed to not react at her name, but it took a lot of restraint. Something else I'd learned about the inhabitants of this school were their bizarre naming conventions. I'd heard names such as Ice Flower, Corn Pop, and now Starlight Glimmer.

After a moment of hesitation, I cautiously accepting her handshake, "Jack Daniels. So...you also realize how weird you all look? Er, no offense."

"None taken." Starlight didn't seem bothered by my poor word choice, which was good. "You might want to switch up your vocabulary, though. Take it from someone with personal experience: people don't like to be told that they look funny."

"Ah."

"Also, make sure you wait till there aren't any eavesdroppers around when speaking about this sort of stuff. Talking about conspiracies in a crowded place is a rookie mistake, Jack." Her grin widened, "But don't worry about that! From now on, you've got a friend who'll make sure you don't make anymore blunders!"

I did not like the look in her eyes when she said that. "Friend?"

Starlight laughed at the clear trepidation in my voice, "Don't look so nervous, Jackie!"

"Don't call me that."

She ignored me, "The two of us will take good care of you!"

"Two of us?"

"I've got a friend I'd like to introduce you to. She's got a similar view on things as you, and she won't call you crazy like everyone else." She placed a hand on my shoulder before finishing, "So what do you say? You wanna join my little group?"

I weighed my options. On the one hand, she and (presumably) her friend were pastel people just like everyone else in the school. Naturally, this made me nervous. On the other hand, going along with her would mean I had two more people on my side than I would otherwise, along with reassurance that I wasn't losing it. It was clear that I was in over my head, and having people who would listen to me would probably be best for my mental state in the long run.

Also, I thought Starlight was kinda cute. Possible eldritch being of unknowable horror or not, she was still a pretty girl who was offering to voluntarily spend time with me. To a high-school age boy like me, that was more than enough to override my survival instincts.

After a moment of thought, I nodded.

Her smile became absolutely radiant. "Great! Class is about to start, but I'll find you at lunch and fill you in on everything then."

Of course, that turned about to be a lie. She was quiet for all of three minutes before leaned over and started peppering me with questions like "How long have you lived in Canterlot?", "What's your family like?", and "What does the concept of equality mean to you, and what are the implications of your answer for how you live your life?" I answered her questions to the best of my ability, she gave a satisfied nod, and we both turned our attention back to the front of the classroom. Then, about three minutes later, she'd lean back over and pepper me with another set of questions.

The first half of that day continued in much the same fashion. The classes were the standard "welcome to class, here's the syllabus, blah blah blah" that all first days are, so I didn't have much in the way of work to worry about. In fact, I was more focused on chatting with Starlight than anything else, which led to me getting scolded a few times (something I was not in the proper headspace to care about).

Little did I know, my classmates were taking note of my friendly interactions with Starlight. It turned out that the eccentric girl had quite a reputation among her peers, and the mere act of being friendly with her would color others' perception of me in a major way.

---

Ah, the cafeteria: where cliques reign supreme and scorn is heaped upon all who fail to meet the standards of the ruling class. Overdramatic? Perhaps, but it's certainly true of my experience. As you'll come to see, I grew to both love and hate that place. Well, mostly hate, but I did make some good memories there.

Anyway, as soon as the lunch bell rang, Starlight had immediately sought me out, intercepted me before I could get cold feet, and dragged me to the lunch room. After we got our food, she led me over to the far side of the room, where a lone figure sat at an otherwise empty table. The figure had mint green skin, hair of the same color aside from large white streaks on either side of her head, golden eyes, and a pink headband that sported a burgundy flower on the left side.

"Hey, Lyra! I brought a guest!"

The figure looked up from her food, initially with a smile, but then a frown when she saw me. She sized me up, giving me a look of suspicion while she did so.

"Jack, this is Lyra Heartstrings. She's the friend I told you about!"

Lyra turned to Starlight, "Star, who is this?"

"This is Jack Daniels, and he's gonna be the newest member of our little group. This duo is turning into a trio!"

"Oh really? And what about him interests you?"

"Because Jack here is just like you!"

Lyra perked up, "You also believe that there's another dimension parallel to ours, and that it's inhabited by magical horses and star spirits?!"

I just stared, "What?"

Lyra's smile vanished, and she slumped down into her chair.

Starlight ignored the bewildered look I was giving both of them and placed a comforting hand on Lyra's shoulder. "Don't worry, Ly. He's new in town, and he's only just realized that something weird is going on. I'm sure he'll come around; he's a nice guy if you take the time to talk to him. I'm sure we'll both have him as a friend in no time!"

Lyra looked up with watery eyes, "R-Really?"

"Of course!" Starlight turned to me, "Isn't that right, Jack?"

I blinked owlishly, "Um, what was that about magical horses?"

Starlight waved her hand, "We'll get to that part later. For now, we should eat. I'm starving!"

With that, she plopped down in one of the empty seats and began devouring her veggie burger. I just stood and stared for a moment, seriously pondering the wisdom of my life choices.

"...So, you think something weird is going on in Canterlot? What did Starlight mean by that?," Lyra asked shyly.

"Oh, well-" I was cut off.

"Shhhh!" Starlight leaned in with a conspiratorial grin, "There are too many ears here; we'll talk about it back at Lyra's house."

I was silent for a moment, "Lyra's house?"

She looked confused for a few seconds before going, "Oh yeah! You're coming over to her house with us today."

"...I am?"

"Duh, how else am I going to catch you up to speed? Also, it'll be a good chance for us all to bond!"

Lyra smiled, "I'd like that."

"Will your parents mind?" I blurted out.

"Of course not," she replied.

"Great!" Starlight said, before pulling a raw potato out of her lunch box and taking a bite out of it as if it was an apple. While I gaped at Starlight, Lyra continued talking.

"Don't worry about getting there, by the way," Lyra gave me a knowing smile. "I'll drive us."

My mouth opened and closed, trying and failing to come up with something to say in response to this absurd situation. While I was doing that, Lyra gently eased me into the chair next to her and proceeded to engage Starlight in a discussion of which I didn't take part.

Now, I know what you're thinking: why didn't I run for the hills? Well, the day's events had basically shocked me into a compliant state. No matter how weird they were, they were at least willing to hear me out when no one else would. It may seem like a small thing, but having someone lend a listening ear when no one else will is a powerful thing.

And yes, the fact that they were both pretty girls certainly didn't hurt. Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't think the same thing if you were in a similar position!

...

...No, nothing romantic ever sprouted between either of the girls and I.

...

*sigh* You sound just like Sunset, you know that?

Author's Note:

Don't take this story too seriously, because I sure ain't.

Criticism of any kind is welcome, so long as you don't say mean things about me

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Will the Dazzlings be appearing in this story?

[MacArthurite]

11659138
If I get to the events of Rainbow Rocks, then definitely

[TheReaper64]

I liked the chapter, I'll wait for the next one.
Translated by google. Spanish - English.

[Pink as Pie]

Normally don't care for OC stories, but this has peaked my interest. Good luck.

[zElemental115]

Fun read, looking forward to the next update.

[Mockingbirb]

Criticism of any kind is welcome, so long as you don't say mean things about me

Now I want to say mean things! Too bad reading your story didn't inspire any truly mean remarks.

Seriously, so far it seems like an entertaining and amusing story. I look forward to seeing more of your perspective on how Canterlot might look to a 'normal human,' and the funny or horrifying events that might unfold.

[J3sterking]

Also, I thought Starlight was kinda cute. Possible eldritch being of unknowable horror or not, she was still a pretty girl who was offering to voluntarily spend time with me. To a high-school age boy like me, that was more than enough to override my survival instincts.

LOL

[Venlinelle]

This looks really good!

Your writing style is very readable, and the protagonist, while not super identifiable yet, is the perfect sort of generically entertaining for this story.

Starlight is… well, Starlight, so obviously I’m going to love her, but I do like the idea of her having her own clique of political radicals in high school. She seems like the type. Plus, you’re doing the “human Lyra is obsessed with magic ponies” bit, which I always enjoy.

I also love the concept of CHS actually being on normal earth, it’s just that no one notices the bizarre-looking people.

Really good start, and I look forward to seeing the rest! Especially Sunset and more of Glimglam.

[Senpai_Tempest]

Good amount of humor, interesting oc, probably gonna get in a bunch of crazy problems, I have a good feeling about this fic.

[redandready45]

This is the first story where you have a real life person react to the weird colors of the Canterlot EG characters.

And I love it!