• Published 7th Oct 2012
  • 4,405 Views, 215 Comments

Dead Space: Valor in Laughter - Kishin



Giggle at the Ghosties....Make them go away

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Admiral Ackbar Called It

"Are you quite done now?"

The pink creature/horse sponged off some stray tears with Joon's shemagh and blew her snout into the fabric.

What...the...fuck

She replied, pulling out an empty cardboard box with floral patterns and labeled "Kleenhoof Tissues"
out from her mane.

"Sorry, (sniff) I ran out."

"It's...fine. What's your name?" Joon asked.

"Bleep bop boop beep!"

"What?"

"I'm speaking in robot! Aren't you one?"

"Didn't we already establish that we both speak the same language? And I'm not a robot. What I'm wearing is a set of Resource Integration Gear, or a RIG. It's just a sealed suit with some plating on it. So, what's your name?"

"Pinkie Pie. You?"

"Gunnery Sergeant Ahn Joon-Kyung. Second Battalion, First Marines of the EDF Nav-

She continued to stare at him without any change in facial expression.

"I lost you haven't I?"

"Uh-huh."

"Joon's fine. Are you able to walk?"

Pinkie adamently stood and took a step forward, but she fell as soon as she placed pressure on the injured hoof.

Joon picked her up. She was fairly light for a creature a third of his size, as her curly mane made up half of her mass.

He hefted her over his shoulder and unlatched and opened the RIG pack behind his shoulders onto the floor.

"Here. Let me just get some crap out."

He tossed out miscellaneous objects, like a Gruber Mark VII "survival" knife, a flashlight, some spare ion batteries, a compressed sleeping bag, and the MREs. He filched some candy bars from the MREs, but other than that, with all the carnage he had seen, Joon was going to stay off some food for a while. Especially meat. Even though the "meat" served on any respectable ship was just a mixture of artificially-modified amino acids with some grinded mushrooms. Cattle, swine, and poultry are endangered and on the verge of genetic collapse after all, with the sudden bottleneck of GMO populations and humanity's rapid consumption rate. And Joon figured that Pinkie might be a little alienated by him eating meat, as equines were herbivorous.

Joon waved a candy bar at Pinkie Pie's face, "You want one? I'm not sure whether horses are supposed to-"

Her hooves swiped the chocolate from his hands and she quickly consumed it. Her expression brightened tremendously.

Joon tossed the rest of the bars in his pack and cradled Pinkie Pie in a crook of his arm. He wrapped a thermal blanket around her shoulders and proceeded to place her in the RIG pack, where she was still able to expose her head and forehooves outside, but leaving her center of mass, and major organ systems protected by the RIG pack, which was composed of the same alloy used in impact plating, except thicker.

Oh the irony. The stuff we carry is more protected than ourselves.

He latched the RIG pack between where his shoulder blades would be, and checked with Pinkie,

"Comfortable?"

"Yeah! Thanks for the chocolate! It made my day SO much better!"

"I have respect for anybody that can stomach anything that EarthGov puts in those MREs. Especially the dessert portion..."

"Why?"

"Those candy bars weren't suppose to expire until 120 years from now. They were chemically designed to withstand 372 degrees Kelvin without melting or spoiling in their package. Heck I don't even think they put chocolate in the chocolate bars anymore. And are you even suppose to eat chocolate? I know for a fact that the stuff is poisonous for some animal species where I'm from."

"I eat it all the time! I even work at a bakery. Can't have a party without chocolate or candy! That's my special talent ya know!"

Joon shifted his shoulders to compensate for the extra weight, and started a jog with his Seeker Rifle at the ready.

He asked, "What's your special talent?"

"Partying!" Pinkie pulled herself partially to reveal the pictogram on her flank. "What do you think this was then?"

"Uh....a tattoo?"

"It's my cutie mark. It signifies everypony's special talent! Mine's partying and making everypony joyful and smile!"

Joon scrunched up his face behind his helmet in a confused look. He was starting to really doubt his analysis that Pinkie Pie wasn't an hallucination.

"Nice to see you have such an innocent view of things," he stated.

"You know it! What's your talent, friend?"

Joon returned, "I don't think I have one. I've had service in the Marines, though."

"So, are you a Royal Guard, then? You're carrying around a weapon, so you MUST be one!"

"Sort of. You don't have any military or police forces back on you home?"

Pinkie shook her head. "No."

"Well, Marines are like your Royal Guards, except we don't guard royalty. We specialize in zero-gravity and naval environments on ships like the one we're on right now."

"You mean on space-boats?" Pinkie Pie grinned.

Joon almost shared the smile. Almost. Her innocence was quite adorable.

"Yes, Pinkie. Space boats. I gotta admit, you almost made me crack a grin that time. Nobody could ever do that before."

She gasped, "You didn't smile? But I make ALL my friends smile! Smile means happiness!"

"Well, maybe I'm not as optimistic as you, Pinkie."

She hopped out of the RIG pack and onto Joon's helmet.

"But smiling makes everything better! Just gotta pull this thing off!"

Pinkie frantically attempted to take off the protective gear on Joon's head.

"GRRRH! GERROF!"

"NO! I would be a bad friend if I didn't make you smile!"

"Pinkie, this isn't the time and place for this! Get off!"

"NO!"

Their struggle was interrupted by muffled bangs and yelling. Joon noted that him and Pinkie were especially close to Valor's Plaza, which his RIG informed him was a rendevous point for a designated safe zone.

"Pinkie, get back in the RIG pack. I think I just found some people who'll help us."




USM Valor. 2508.

Aegis VII system. 1054 hours Normal Time

Ship Plaza

This....was a bad idea.

Joon didn't complain. He met with a couple of survivors heading to the safe zone. But nobody told him that the RV was going to be this crowded with Necros.

He heard a shout over the fighting in his helmet comm, "Barricade's down! All military personnel retreat to the Safe Zone! Repeat, retreat to the Safe Zone!"

Joon looked down. He was dragging a wounded sailor-no wait....a dead sailor back into cover. The poor fellow's RIG displayed a red, glowing light, indicating death or near-death.

Joon exclaimed under his breath, "Aw shit."

He let go of the body, and fired his rifle at the oncoming horde. Joon turned around, and saw an image that brought about panic.

The emergency quarentine bulkheads were lowering down on all exits and entrances, including the escape route. And by the look of things, everybody had already left the plaza. Everyone alive, anyway.

Joon ran to the nearest closed gating, and knocked his fist on the quarentine bulkheads.

"Hey. HEY! Open the fucking door!"

A muffle behind the door shouted, "Shit, that's a no-go, man. Once the door's close, nobody goes in, and nobody comes out. Commander Cadigan's orders. I'm so sorry for this, but it's either you or us, I'm afraid. And I'm sure that Cadigan would rather choose the majority of his crew over a psychotic maniac and a technicolor freak."

Pinkie Pie shouted at the disembodied voice, "Hey.....don't call my friend a technicolored freak!"

Really, Pinkie? Really?

"Pinkie, calm down. I'll find us a way in."

Joon shot off a few Seeker rounds at some stirring shadows near some of the urban debris, and stared a short while at the destroyed stores, and upturned benches. Just....great

To break the near-silence projected from the Plaza, Joon recieved an incoming comm message from his RIG.

"This is Commander Cadigan of the USM Valor. Am I reaching any survivors?"

Joon responded to the message, "This is Gunnery Sergeant Ahn Joon, 2/1. I read you, sir."

There was a pause in the transmission.

"Ah, Sergeant. You've come a LONG way from your assigned position below decks. Specifically, the Stasis Bay. I'm currently reading that you're Section 8 and were prepped for cryo-stasis."

"Sir, the situation permitted I leave. I have a....civilian with me. She's lost."

There was another pause. Cadigan was taking his sweet time.

"Understood. I'll have an alternate route plotted to your Waypoint. I want an explanation when you reach the designated area. Especially with your current mental condition."

"Aye, sir."

As the comm link closed, Pinkie asked, as she heard the entire comversation through the RIG's speakers, "Joon, are you ok?"

"Just dandy. Why?"

"He said you were a Section 8. What is it?"

Joon grunted, "It's...nothing you need to worry about. Let's follow the Waypoint shall we?"



USM Valor. 2508.

Aegis VII system. 1123 hours Normal Time

Waste Disposal


Pinkie watched as Joon cautiously approached the roaring room. Deafening noise emerged from below the platform he approached, sighting monstrous teeth, crushers, and incinerator machinery.

"Joon, is this normal?!" Pinkie screamed through the noise.

"Define normal!" Joon responded above the din.

"As in whether this is the right place?!"

Joon turned his head slightly, "How should I know? I've always trusted Cadigan before, so unless he got dementia like some of the crew did, I doubt he would lie about something like this."

All of a sudden the machinery slowed and in a few moments, they had stopped completely. The incinerators no longer sprouted flames from their depths. A strange silence empregnated the entire facility.

Joon raised Cadigan's RIG comm, "Sir, I'm here. Awaiting further orders."

Cadigan responded ominously, "Just wait, Marine. You'll know what to do when the time comes."

The transmission was dropped immediately.

Joon hissed, "Commander, what the hell are you playing at?"

Pinkie said, "Ooooh, I bet he's playing the trumpet right now! I can't wait to join him! I play a mean tuba back at home!"

Descending from the platform down the ramp, Joon was about to answer when a menacing groan echoed through the facility. Joon looked around, and from a high railing above him, a titanic mass of necrotic flesh dropped onto the facility floor.


You have GOT to be kidding me

A small pop-up appeared on Joon's HUD, labeling the very large Necromorph as a "Brute".

"Fittingly named, I suppose." Joon murmured under his breath. He began to sprint in the direction opposite of the Brute. Every now and then, Joon would turn and fire his Pulse Rifle, but the Brute was unaffected by such measily attempts.

Gotta think of something. Come on, Joon. There must be something here to use to your advantage! You didn't come this far to just die outright!

As if some celestial being had answered his prayers, the machinary around him started up again. But Joon barely noticed their boot-up sequence. What he really was worried about was the approaching incline, leading to an incinerator, complete with crushing teeth and all.

Beyond the incline was a maintenance ladder on the other side of the giant space between the platform path he was running on and the continuation of the path beyond the disposal area.

A rushed idea passed through Joon's mind.

"Pinkie, hold on, and don't let go until I say so!"

"Why?"

"I'm going to do something that is completely stupid, but it might let us escape. Ready?"

Pinkie gave an immediate smile, "Only when you are!"

"I hope this works then."

On the edge of the incline, Joon activated his RIG thrusters meant for zero-gravity travel. He leapt up and the thrusters were able give a little more push than he normally would. Adrenaline flooded Joon's system, and he was able to see everything frame by frame.

Come on. Make it. MAKE IT!

He almost didn't. As he successfully made it to the other side, his hand grasped on to the maintainance ladder and his grip slipped on the bars, but regained their grip on the lower bars of the life-saving ladder.

Joon shouted behind him and used his remaining arm not clasping the metal bars of the ladder to form an offensive gesture with his middle finger,

"Hah! 똥을 먹고, you friggin-"

Joon's victory was short-lived however, as he saw the Brute increasing its speed to make the jump also.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit," Joon blurted. He urged his stray arm to grip onto the ladder, and struggled to get up to the other side of the path.

Just as he managed to clear his legs from the edge, the Brute's forelimbs crashed onto the other side of the passage, leaving it to cling on in the classic "cliffhanger" position.

Joon fired his Pulse Rifle at the Brute's head until the rifle clicked dry. The rounds only angered the Brute even more, and it roared in retaliation as it was slowly climbing up.

Joon primed one of two of his concussive grenades and chucked it in the Brute's exposed mouth.

He proceeded to sprint away from the grenade's potential range before it detonated.

With a muffled boom, the a portion of the Brute's head disappeared in a shower of gore. But the damn thing was still struggling to climb over the edge from its jump.

Joon presented to the Brute's face the business end of a Seeker Rifle. And he fired rapidly until its clip emptied its 5 shells.

The Brute, overwhelmed with its torment, lessened its grip on the edge of the precipice leading to the disposal incinerator, ad proceeded to fall into the incinerator's maw. The Brute's body was methodically crushed by the opening and closing metal teeth of the incinerator and was slowly fed into the thermite-fueled depths.

Walking away from the shrieking roars, Joon and Pinkie continued on the passage.

Joon forced his aching legs, burning from lactic acid build-up, to keep a steady pace as he attempted to raise Cadigan again on a comm transmission.

"Commander Cadigan, this is Sergeant Ahn Joon, please respond. Your Waypoint led me to the Disposal compartment of the ship, but I have no available intel on where to go next. Sir, respond! This is urgent!"

Joon kept on raising a comm link until his communication link finally made it through.

"Sergeant, you're to be applauded for your survivability! I didn't think you would be able to make it!"

"Commander Cadigan, I mean no disrespect, but what the hell do you mean by tha-"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. Gunnery Sergeant, along the walling are some ventilation shafts. They'll lead you through a maze of venting, but I'll upload another Waypoint to your RIG that will give you directions for the nearest tram station. The tram should safely guide you to the safe zone past the quarantine zone. We clear?"

Joon paused for a moment, but finally responded, "Crystal, sir!"

"Good! I will wait for you on the bridge for a personal debriefing. Cadigan out."

Joon finished the conversation, and looked at Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Cadigan isn't acting like himself. He's usually never this vague in his instructions."

Pinkie Pie grinned wider, as she already had a smile, and spoke gently, "Do what you think is right! I trust you!"

"Well I certainly don't feel like I deserve that trust."

"We're friends aren't we? Friends trust eachother, right?"

"I...guess so."

Pinkie Pie beamed and raised her hooves into the air, "See? Now let's go see that Cadigan guy!"