• Published 29th Oct 2022
  • 5,124 Views, 305 Comments

Beyond Earth: Phoenix Rising - Stalin with Da Spoon



Humanity has overcome it's failures and united together to create a world of peace, prosperity, and progress. However, when a cataclysm of epic proportions threatens the human race, actions must be taken to hibernate below, and one day, re-awaken.

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8. Conquer The Underworld

'The end and object of conquest is to avoid doing the same thing as the conquered.'
- Alexander the Great


The door to the somewhat small meeting room opened as a set of ceiling lights flashed on, illuminating the large circular table in the rooms center surrounded by swivel chairs and a large screen on the opposite side of the door, displaying the image of a calm meadow. Walking through the opened door was each of the National Leaders, taking their seats before the familiarly electronic voice and British accent of Bagley spoke over the speakers of the room.

"Welcome everyone, I thank you for arriving on such short notice. I trust that you have all been well, yes?"

"Indeed we have been quite well Bagley, although the whole being in cryo sleep for a million years does tend to cause some disruption to life." King Osas said before the voice of Aladaeen butted in.

"Yes yes, can you please get to the point of this meeting, I was in the middle of very important affairs." Aladeen said as he adjusted his white turban.

"Aladeen, the only important affairs you have are trying to get laid and threatening to shoot people without following through on said threats." Prime Minister Jack jokingly stated as he let out a slight chuckle, followed by Xi Mingzhe who also giggled.

"Silence! I was actually doing important business transactions, surprising I know, but I, Haffaz Aladeen, shall ensure my people are led well in this new age, for my leadership is the most glorious and well remembered, and I shall be the most greatest ruler and warrior of the middle east."

"Before the comet, you ruled like, fifteen percent of the middle east at most, Aladeen."

"Well then, I shall ensure that I am the best ruler known for that small percent."

"Anyways... Go ahead and continue on Bagley."

"Thank you Prime Minister. As you all know, a new team has been recently formed and deployed to the surface for a tactical survey and report on any potential geological, environmental, or ecological changes. While they have yet to return, we have received a transmission from their rover, and I have deemed it necessary for you to see it. It's contents are rather... Alarming."

The leaders turned towards the large screen as it's display changed to show a recording, playing as the voice of Sergeant Foley spoke, a degree of exhaustion in his voice.

"This is Sergeant Foley of Blackout Squadron, reporting on current status. Our squad is currently in a thick forest, trees on all sides. Walking along a path, surprised to see a lot of the animals from before the mage comet hit, maybe those gene banks were useless. While we were walking, we got jumped by some kind of... Wooden wolves... You'll see in the photos I sent along, Rover doesn't have enough power to send our visor footage. Nigel got bit in the leg, somehow managed to pierce his armor. He's fine now, and were gonna try to wrap this up soon-" Foley was cut off as another voice was heard, audibly distant from the microphone.

"Hey sarg, we found some kind of cave!"

"Copy that. Dunn and the others say they found a cave, were gonna check inside and maybe rest up a bit. If we aren't back by tommorow send someone after us. Rover, end transmission." The recording ended, leaving some very surprised politicians.

"Well... Have we received the photos?"

"Affirmative President Alexi, the photos were slow to arrive due to slow connection, but here you go." Projected on the screen were several images, displaying wolves with exteriors formed of wood and lumber, with one photo being blurry due to the muzzle flash of Foley firing his weapon at the wolf, leading to the next photo showing it breaking apart into a wooden pile on the ground.

As the leaders slowly processed this information, Prime Minister Pierre took a deep breath and spoke. "I believe that this is simply proof that the surface is habitable, but also potentially hazardous, as it seems the mage energy has given way to a new form of life... A rather unique form at that. It is refreshing to hear that at least it isn't a wasteland up there."

"Indeed, perhaps the mage energy had less of an impact than we assumed." Xi Mingzhe stated as Osas inspected the image closer.

"It's eyes are glowing green, like it is under some sort of spell. Not just that, but the way it breaks apart... It almost seems... Like magic. While the energy may not have affected the environment, it has no doubt affected the lifeforms. We should await the teams return and study the footage for ourselves. I have no doubt Dr. Keifer would love to examine each and every single frame..."

"Let's just hope the team comes back in one piece." Felix said, feeling a slight unease as he stared at the photos...


"Alright Corporal, what do you see in there?" Foley said as he approached the rest of the squad as they were stood at the wide open entrance of a large cave, with stalactites seen forming on the ceiling, stretching down and appearing like sharp teeth in the cave's mouth, making the entrance seem like the jaws of a massive dormant beast hung open. Dunn turned to Foley and shrugged, shutting off his helmet mounted flashlight.

"Dunno, can't see shit, even with our lights on high." Dunn said with his voice echoing in the entrance.

"Well, we'll just have to go in and be on our guard. How you holdin' up Nigel?" Foley said as he walked up beside Nigel who supporting himself using SAM's drone body.

"Eh, could be better. Pain's gone numb, still feels a bit limp though. I'll be alright soon enough mate, promise."

"You better, I don't want you dying on our first mission together."

"Heh, that would be mighty unlucky aye? Anyways, SAM, can you try and light the way? Our flashlights don't seem to cut it."

"Affirmative, deploying Optical Assistance Flare." A small port opened on the side of the drone, a tube extending out before firing a small red rod as it bounced off a few rocks before hitting the ground and igniting, emitting a bright red glow. The flare illuminated a small rocky slope leading down into the caverns depths as Blackburn looked to the rest of his squad.

"Ladies first." Some couldn't help but chuckle as Ramirez stepped forward, raising his weapon and activating his helmet lights before he was followed by the rest of his squad, with Nigel at the rear. As the team slowly moved deeper into the cave, SAM's drone body fired more flares to ignite the way. Dunn couldn't but whistle, with said whistle echoing along the long tunnel.

"Pretty sweet cave, long too. Echo!"

Echo! Echo...

"Quit playing around, we don't know what's down here and if it's asleep we sure as shit don't wanna wake it up." Foley said, as the team walked along the long tunnel, descending down another rocky slope before SAM began beeping.

"Be advised, my thermal sensor is detecting un-identified readings."

"Good, so at least you can detect it unlike those wooden things."

"Affirmative, advise extreme caution moving forward." The team raised their rifles as they began to round a corner with light seen shining along the floor. As they fully rounded the bend they were greeted with a strange sight. Somehow the massive cavern was lit by a massive light shining down from the ceiling, with tall spires protruding from the ground, as staircases lead up to their peaks. The most strangest sight were multiple metal cages, with strange beasts and monstrosities inside.

"What the bloody fucking hell did we just stumble onto?" Nigel said, ensuring his Helmet's camera was active as he gazed around in awe.

"It is like prison for mutant abominations. The question is, who built this prison, and why?" Tachanka said, turning to see a cage containing what looked like some sort of mix between a bear and a bee, as it growled and buzzed. "Certainly... Unique creatures. What do we even call that... thing?"

"Looks like a bug bear to me, what say you guys?" Blackburn said as he examined it closer with his helmet's optical scanner.

"Sounds bout right to me."

"Seems more like a bee bear, but doesn't sound as good, so we'll good with your suggestion."

"Sorry to interrupt your dispute of mutant nomenclature, but I am detecting a massive bio sign inbound!"

"How big we talkin' SAM?"

"As big as a bloody truck!"

"Fuck, get into position!" Foley shouted as the squad quickly ducked into cover, staying out of sight as heavy stomping was heard approaching along with a deep growl before the sight of a massive Three-Headed Hound came into view.

"Bloody hell... I think we just found the guardian of this underworld." Nigel said on comms, observing the massive beast as it slowly walked around, seemingly inspecting the cages before sniffing the air. "Fuck, I think it's got our scent." The large tri-headed hound slowly approached the hiding spot of Tachanka and Nigel, it's sniffing intensifying before it began barking. "What do we do?"

"I could distract it, if it attacks me my armor can take the damage while you fire at it."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Do you have a better idea, comrade?"

"Not really, go ahead." Nigel begrudgingly said as Tachanka slowly emerged from his hiding spot with his hands up, the massive hound still barking at him with all three of it's heads. As Tachanka stepped forward, he lowered his hands and got into a stance that a dog owner would make when facing a pet, as he looked into the beasts eyes and it ceased barking.

"Sit." The team could not help but stare in total confusion as the beast actually listened, sitting down on it's rear end and continuing to stare at Tachanka. "Good dog. Now lay down." The hound yet again complied, lowering it's front body down to the ground as Tachanka placed his hand on it's head and began petting it. "Is just like giant dog!"

"According to my database, this beast shares a striing resemblance to Cerberus, Guardian of the Underworld in greek mythology." SAM chimed in, as Nigel couldn't help but whistle.

"Well I'll fucking be... Tachanka just made friends with Cerberus! I gotta admit, I was not expecting to meet guardian of the underworld on my first deployment, but here we are in a cave surrounded by mutant abominations and freaks and I got a wound from wooden wolves on my leg, so honestly I shouldn't be surprised." Nigel said with a laugh as he emerged from cover before Cerberus growled at them, only to be silenced by more pets from Tachanka.

"Do not worry, they are friends." Tachanka then pat the dog on the head before standing up and turning towards his team with a smug look under his helmet and a proud stance, as Cerberus sat up behind him and began panting. "I have tamed the Guardian of the Underworld."

"Well that's gonna be one hell of an addition to your service record."


The sound of a rubber ball bouncing against the metal bars of the cage rang out and echoed, sounding out again with each bounce, before a grumbling was heard from the next cage over, before a voice with an irrate tone spoke up.

"Could you possibly not bounce that confounded ball anymore?"

"I dunno, could you find a way to make me not bored and help me wait out the rest of my life sentence?" A childish voice replied with an inquiring and somewhat mocking tone.

"... Fair enough, but do it slower, doing it fast makes it more irritating."

"Anything you say, big boss."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright big boss."

"Why did I have to get stuck with you..."

"Because I'm just so endearing!" And there it was, the signature bratty Cozy Glow grin. Tirek hated when she did that, but what he hated more was being stuck in this cage with nothing to do. The maniacal filly was right, there was absolutely nothing to do to stave off the beast that was boredom in this horrid prison. Sure, they should be grateful that the residual environmental magic helped keep them alive through providing sustenance and moisture, but it did absolutely nothing to try and make things exciting. Sometimes Cozy Glow brought out a harmonica, but after a while, that got boring too.

If only something interesting were to happen...

However, when the loud ear piercing barks of Cerberus rang out throughout the entirety of Tartarus, as both Tirek and Cozy Glow were stirred from their boredom induced lounging, sitting up to see Cerberus staring at the entrance tunnel, barking at a lone individual, clad in what appeared to be some strange form of armor, slowly approaching the beast. Did this being have a death wish? Why was it-

"Did it just tell Cerberus to sit down?"

"I believe it did. And now he's laying down. Now he's letting it pet him."

"Wait, there's more of them, and they got more of that weird armor on... Are they ponies? Griffons? I can't even tell?"

"It can't be anything with wings, that's for sure. And it can't be centaurs or diamond dogs, they don't have back legs or lean on their fists. Not minotaurs because they are far too skinny. They lack horns, so they aren't unicorns... So they must be Earth ponies... But they don't have hooves and are standing upright, so it must mean they're..."

"Humans? What would humans be doing down here? In fact, how did they get down here, wouldn't the seal have stopped them?"

"It would appear they bypassed it somehow, and now they are coming this way. Perhaps they could assist us in our escape... Cozy glow, do your fake accent and get their attention."

"Golly, you got it mister!"


"Seems like this place was hollowed out somehow... Seems like they did a shit job at it though, walls and the floor are crooked as hell. Probably used some primitive tools." Blackburn said as he got a part of his boot caught on a sharp jagged piece of rock, kicking his foot to break it loose and snap the rock.

"Well, they definitely managed to make it an effective prison. Tall towers, isolated cells, big ass three headed guard dog, whoever made this place definitely didn't want anything inside getting out." Sam said while slightly hovering above the group to get an effective view of the area.

"And they also did not want whatever was outside getting in."

"What makes you think that Tachanka?"

"It is said that Cerberus both guarded the underworld's entrance to keep any intruders from entering and anybody from leaving. I believe this guard dog serves the same purpose." Tachanka said looking to his left to see the large canine still following him.

"Well, considering how all we've seen are mutant bug bear hybrids, weird rock crocodiles, part goat part snake and part tiger chimeras, and whatever the hell that green blob thing was, I would definetly consider this the underworld."

"Well then, mark this at the first time a human has ever set foot into the greek version of hell. Another one for the history books." Dunn said with a chuckle.

"Oh, so discovering Cerberus himself, shooting wooden wolves, and encountering mutant hybrids isn't enough of an achievement for history?"

"Oh you get what I mean Sergeant." Suddenly, the squad came to a stop as a voice echoed through the cave, with the tone of a small child and a bit of a southern accent.

"Hello, anybody down there?"

"You guys heard that too right?" Foley said as he turned to the rest of the squad as they nodded.

"Auditory sensors indicate the source is coming from up there." SAM said as he placed a digital marker at the top of one of the stone towers, appearing on the HUD of the squad's visors.

"Now wait, before we go rushing up there, the first thing we should ask is if it's a trap. Another thing we should wonder is how the fuck something knows how to speak English and sound like a child from my homestate of Texas. The first thing we should do is see if it's safe."

"I agree, Blackburn. Ramirez, you and SAM get up there to see who or what said that." Ramirez saluted before quickly rushing forward, rushing up the stairs of the tower rapidly while SAM's drone body followed behind.

"Wait, why did you send Ramirez and not just SAM by himself?"

"Because if there's anything bad up there, Ramirez should be able to handle it. There's a reason he managed to defend the Burger town almost by himself during the Martian War. Plus, if it's something he can't handle, he can outpace it like he does to everyone else during a marathon."


"I hear someone coming up, I think it might've worked!"

"Good, this is our chance..."

The footsteps of the figure ascending up the stairs became louder and louder, until eventually the black visor peered over the top, before the rest of the figure fully stepped up, it's body covered head in toe in a strange form of armored plating, holding a metal tube or pipe of some sort in it's hand. However, what truly confused the two villainous creatures was the small entity hovering beside the figure, it's white and grey exterior contrasting with it's bright blue 'eye', before a solid beam of blue light proceeded to wash over them, and the floating creature spoke.

"I believe that it was one of you that spoke to us, yes?"

Both the villains looked at each other, before Cozy Glow decided to speak up.

"Uhhh... Yeah? I mean, you speak Equine?"

"If you mean English, then yes, although I am programmed to speak all languages. Now then, seeing as you are contained within metal cages, I believe it is time for an explanation."

Tirek and Cozy Glow could not help but feel like this was going to be a bad idea...

Author's Note:

Sorry if the ending felt a tiny bit awkward, felt the need to at least get it out before the month ended.

I also gonna be on a trip from Sunday to Tuesday, so won't be able to work during that time.