4 – Relapse, Relax, Recap
I felt weird going into school Thursday morning. After calling out of work, things went well and, to my surprise, it was actually kinda fun working with Fluttershy at the shelter. After that, for the first time, I felt like this whole plan might actually work.
On the flip side, there was a distinct nagging in the back of my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if my boss caught onto the fact I didn’t work the day before. Sure, the chances of him finding out about me and my coworker’s arrangement were pretty slim, but there was still a chance, and as long as that possibility was there, I couldn’t not worry about it.
It probably wouldn’t have sat on my mind for so long had it not been for how serious Skates had sounded. In all our time working together, I’d never heard Skates without his chill demeanor. That wasn’t to say he couldn’t be serious when he needed to be, but, even then, he still managed to maintain his vibe. Did he have a reason to worry that I didn’t know about, and if he did, why didn’t he tell me?
Of course, there was a good chance I was just psyching myself out over nothing. Ever since the Formal, I’d gotten good at that. I would overanalyze any and every minuscule interaction, and, more often than not, find myself jumping to outlandish conclusions. There was a combination of factors working against me that made it hard to be reasonable, a chronic lack of sleep chief among them.
Still, I tried my best to convince myself there was nothing to worry about, and to focus on the positives. We had gotten away with doing this before, and there was no reason to expect we wouldn’t again. I’d go to work on Friday, suffer through my shift and, at the end, realize there was nothing to be anxious about. This was undeniably a big step toward winning Fluttershy over, and by extension, the rest of the girls. That’s what I kept telling myself, even though it did nothing to dispel my uneasiness. I just needed something to distract me long enough for it to be pushed out of my mind.
Unfortunately for me, I hadn’t realized how distracted I already was. If I had, I might have realized how slow I was walking to class.
My train of thought was broken as I heard running behind me. Before I had any time to react, my entire body was thrust forward. As I felt my equilibrium shift, I tried to reach out my hands to stop myself before making an impact, but the force at which I was sent careening into the locker was greater than I anticipated.
I managed to turn my head just in time so I didn’t break my nose, but I couldn’t help but let out a loud grunt as the unforgiving steel door of a locker kissed my cheek. Thankfully, the sound I made was obscured by the loud slam on impact.
My head spun for a few moments. When I regained a sense of balance, I pushed myself off of the locker. My eyes fixed on the two boys running down the hall, but, by that point, they were both too far away to identify. As I looked around, I noticed multiple students staring at me. Some of them were snickering, while a few looked on in fear, as if they were expecting me to explode and take it out on them. Of course, no one seemed concerned about my well-being, only my ire.
Growling under my breath, I shook my head. Even if I wanted to, there was no point in taking out my frustration on anyone around me. There was no point in chasing after those boys. If I caught up to them, it wasn’t like I could retaliate without jeopardizing myself. There was no point in trying to figure out who they were, either. Even if I managed to figure out who they were, no faculty or staff member would believe me, or care.
“How’s locker taste?” a raspy voice said from behind.
Quickly turning around, my eyes met with the source. It was Rainbow Dash. Great. Exactly who I wanted to see after something like that.
Only, I was expecting to see a shit-eating grin on her face, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that wasn’t the case. She was smiling, but her brows were pulled together, almost as if she was looking at me sympathetically.
Giving a wan smile in return, I softly exhaled. “Like shit.”
“Tough break,” she replied.
My brow furrowed as she turned and began to walk off. Really? Tough break? That’s it? We weren’t friends, sure, but that was her reaction to seeing me being attacked?
Still, that was probably the nicest thing she’d ever said to me—a profoundly low bar, now raised by at least a few centimeters. It wasn’t much, but it was something. If not for my progress with Fluttershy yesterday, I may not have been able to reel in my frustration so quickly. I wasn’t going to blow this immediately after I started getting somewhere.
Instead of letting her get away, I caught up and followed along with her, side by side. If she hadn’t been there, I would have just started sprinting to my next class. Even with all the problems I had with her, though, I felt marginally safer with Dash at my side. We still weren’t friends, but she wasn’t shoving me into any lockers, and maybe the other students would think twice if I stuck with her.
Naturally, Rainbow Dash didn’t even acknowledge my presence. If she did, it was clear she wasn’t very interested in a conversation. Perhaps I should have just been content with walking together, but after last night, I felt a little ambitious.
After a few seconds of walking together in awkward silence, I finally broke the ice.
“So,” I hesitated, “feeling any better today?”
She shrugged. “Eh, kinda yeah.” Her lingering illness was still making her sniffle on occasion. “I could have used another day off, but if I didn’t come to school today, my parents wouldn’t let me go to band practice tonight.”
“Couldn’t we all use another day off?” I joked.
That got me a pity laugh from her, but the conversation died almost immediately after. It was hard to ignore how annoyed I was at how little regard Rainbow Dash seemed to have for me, but perhaps I was being too optimistic. This wasn’t going to happen instantly. Things might be going well with Fluttershy, but Fluttershy also wasn’t a jerk.
Either way, I wasn’t about to give up just yet. I cleared my throat and made another attempt.
“Um, just in case you’re wondering, I took Fluttershy to the shelter. You know, since you weren’t here yesterday and all.”
“Oh,” she flatly replied, looking off to her other side briefly.
”I volunteered with her, too,” I added. “It was a lot of fun.”
“That’s cool.”
My tolerance for her stonewalling was rapidly depleting. If she didn’t care about me, then that’s whatever, but I wasn’t even trying to talk about me. She didn’t even care about Fluttershy getting a ride? She didn’t care about the fact that I was hanging out with her best friend? It’s not like I was expecting her to change her tune right then and there, but some kind of acknowledgment beyond two words would have been nice.
As she pointed her thumb behind us, I felt hopeful that maybe she was starting to open up.
“So how often does that happen?” she asked about the locker incident, a smirk on her face.
The sliver of hope I felt vanished in an instant.
Of course she wouldn’t be interested in friendly conversation, but she was plenty interested in my misfortune. Still, it was communication, and even if I had to pierce my tongue with my teeth not to snap at her, it seemed like she was throwing me a line.
“Oh, you know,” I paused before continuing, unsure if I wanted to give a fully honest answer or not. “It happens just about every single day. Between almost every class.”
I tried to make it sound like I wasn’t taking it too seriously. Not only did I not want to sound whiny, but I also didn’t want to look weak in front of her. This conversation was already as stilted as it could get.
“Makes sense,” she answered. “I mean, you used to do that kind of stuff all the time, didn’t you?”
That line she threw was merely bait, and I’d just bit the hook. Luckily for her, it went right through the hole I’d punched in my tongue earlier, so I elected to try and move past that.
“No, actually,” I answered. “I mean, sure, I did a lot of bad shit, yeah, but I never tried to get physical with anyone. I mean, some people tried to get that way with me, but I always considered that beneath me.”
“Never, huh?” she responded, her voice a little more firm. “I don’t know, the Formal was just a few months ago, and I remember that being pretty physical.”
Heat spread through me as every muscle in my body tensed up at once. Of course she would go there. Yeah, that event was physical. It was magical, mental, and psychological—every dimension of perception was covered, and how could I not remember? I was there, and I didn’t need another reminder on top of the countless others I received every single day.
The last vestiges of my self-control were languishing. It took all the energy in my body not to shoot her a death glare. I almost did it anyway, seeing as how she kept looking forward, falling silent once again as if I wasn’t even there. Here I was, trying to mend the bridge between us, and she was doing her best to make sure I couldn’t even start.
I took a deep breath. Yes, she was being antagonistic, but, as much as I hated to admit it, she had a point. What I did was messed up, and even if she was the victor at the end of our battle, that didn’t mean I didn’t hurt her before or while everything went down. This was just another consequence of my actions. If her attitude was ever going to change, I had to take my lumps as they came, as irksome as that was.
As we kept walking, she let out a chuckle, seemingly unprompted. Raising an eyebrow, I waited for her to explain what she was laughing at. Of course, she didn’t. She was still pretending I wasn’t there, leaving me to inquire about what was so amusing. It was probably more bait, but on the off-chance it wasn’t, I asked.
“What’s so funny?”
“Sorry,” she said, “but I’m not gonna lie: seeing you fly face first into that locker was kinda funny. You were all like–” she then proceeded to hold up her arms, making the stupidest face she could, “–like, I wish you could have seen it.”
When I didn’t respond, she turned her gaze toward me, a smirk spreading across her lips. “No offense.”
The good mood I entered with this morning was a smoldering pile of ash by that point, but her words snuffed out any remaining embers of it. I opened my mouth to respond, but quickly closed it soon after. It was evident she was trying her best to get a rise out of me, but I still had a modicum of patience left.
“Aw, come on! I’m just messing with you!” She nudged my arm with her elbow. “Can’t you take a joke?”
Until I didn’t.
Fine. If she wanted to play that game, I could, too. Fortunately, for me, getting under people’s skin was like riding a bike. And unfortunately for her, no matter how long I went without trying to do it, I could never forget how.
I began with a gentle laugh. “Sorry, I got distracted by something, but I know what you mean.”
Rainbow Dash seemed to relax, and when she did, I smirked.
“It’s just… you said that, and I couldn’t help but think of something even funnier.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Like how there’s no way it was as funny as the face you made after you nearly broke your hand punching that locker.”
A scowl fell across her face.
“That wasn’t funny,” she replied, as if she wasn’t just heckling me in the exact same way.
My grin fell just as fast as hers. “What’s wrong? Can’t you take a joke?”
“Yeah, I can,” she replied, squinting at me. “You just suck at telling them.”
“Jeez, everyone’s a critic,” I rolled my eyes. “Tell me, what can I do to improve on it?”
She squinted. “Try telling an actual joke next time.”
“Oh, okay then,” I replied. “So then tell me: why is it okay for you to “joke” about me almost breaking my nose, but I can’t joke about something you did to yourself?”
Rainbow Dash stopped walking, pivoting her body to face me. The anger in her expression was almost palpable, and a sick part of me took pleasure in that. I knew I shouldn’t indulge myself any further, but after the past few months, it was hard to convince myself to reel it in.
“Because you know damn well I didn’t do that to myself,” she contested. “You getting shoved and me punching the locker were both because of things you did, not me.”
“Really? Did I make you punch that locker? Wow! Here I thought acting like an enraged chimp was just a natural thing you did. I didn’t know I had so much control over you.”
There was a sickening satisfaction building within me as I saw Dash’s face light up with fury. Part of me knew I should stop now, but the taste of vengeance was sweet; and it’d been so long since it graced my tongue, and I was going to get drunk off of it.
“How could you not?” she asked. “I figured you’d know all about controlling others after taking the entire student body hostage with your mind magic bullshit!”
And just like that, all the amusement I felt was quickly drained out of my body. I felt anger rapidly rising inside of me. It was hard to tell which one of us was more livid.
“I didn’t do that and you know that!” I shouted.
“Really? I know that, huh?” Dash sarcastically asked. “I mean, I’ve never seen you and the freaky demon bitch with the bat wings in the same room before, so how can I be sure?”
“You know what, you’re right,” I beamed sarcastically. “I guess I should have figured you wouldn’t know that. It’s not like you know much at all.”
Dash clenched her teeth and growled. “What’s your fucking problem?”
“What’s my problem?!” I repeated back even louder. “I’m not the one with the problem, you bitch! You keep whining about shit you don’t know anything about! It’s been months since that happened and I haven’t done anything to you or anyone else, yet you keep acting like it happened yesterday. Everyone else is moving on, so why can’t you?!”
Before she continued, Dash’s lips curled into a smirk as she lifted her hands up and gestured around broadly.
“Look around you, Shimmer. Does it really look like I’m the only one who hasn’t moved on? Are you sure about that?”
I opened my mouth to make a retort, but the words died in my throat as my eyes scanned the hall. Behind Dash, several dozen students were gathering around us. Months ago, I would have used this as an opportunity to turn the tables, but this wasn’t months ago. Things were different, and I had no options here. My throat began to dry up, my stomach lurched, and a sickening heat began to spread from my stomach outward.
“Newsflash, asshole: what you did isn’t something people can just ‘move on’ from because what you did was fucked. And you don’t get to decide when everyone moves on, either—we do. And why should we? Looks to me like you’re the same bitch you’ve always been.”
Dash stepped forward until we were chest to chest. “I have every reason to laugh at you when you eat shit. Considering everything you did to me, to Fluttershy, and to every student, teacher, and staff member in this whole school, that’s the least you deserve. But I don’t have any reason to believe you’re not the same Sunset you’ve always been.”
“That’s bullshit,” I argued meekly. I could think of plenty of things to retort with, but my throat threatened to close up entirely.
“Pfft, what a comeback.” She faced the crowd, laughing. In a split second, she turned back, scowling at me as she bumped her chest into mine, pushing me back a step.
“I’m not gonna feel bad for you because you keep getting shoved around—in fact, I don’t care. I don’t care if Twilight told us to take care of you, I don’t care if you fool my best friend into thinking you’ve changed, and I don’t care how many days you don’t do anything; because it’s just a matter of time. People like you don’t change. You’re the same as you’ve always been, and you always will be.”
My mind raced to come up with something to say or do, but it kept drawing a blank. There was nothing I could say to argue against her. There were no actions I could take in retaliation. If I ran, I’d look like a coward in front of her and all the other students looking on. I was cornered. There was no way for me to win, and she knew it.
I may have been standing firm against her, but in that instant, it was taking every bit of effort in my exhausted body not to vomit all over Rainbow Dash. My false confidence must have been obvious as she grinned at me, no doubt tasting blood in the water.
“Fight! Fight! Fight!” the students began to chant. It was then that I realized I had an out.
“Hear that? They want us to fight.” I smirked at her, narrowing my eyes. “Why don’t you go ahead and hit me? I know you want to. Do us both a favor and get it over with.”
The smirk on her face dropped, her bravado quickly replaced with even more anger. “Fuck you,” she bellowed.
“Come on! Do something! You were talking so big before, what happened?” I goaded.
The chants around us grew louder as she glowered at me.
“Oh, wait, I think I know!” I exclaimed. “You’re remembering what I said last time we were here, aren’t you?”
Dash clenched her fists. Chuckling, I motioned my head back toward the lockers behind us.
“Well, since it looks like you’re just going to puss out again, maybe you could try breaking your other hand this time? I’d love to see that stupid face you made again, I could use a good laugh.”
Rainbow Dash was shaking with rage. Before I could even register her movements, she shoved her hands into my chest, causing me to nearly fall backward. For the second time that morning, my head made an impact with a locker. This time was even more disorienting as the back of my head bounced against the steel. The collision disoriented me so much I could barely manage to stabilize myself without falling over.
By the time I regained my balance and composure, Rainbow Dash had already plowed her way through the mob of students. As they all realized there would be no fight, the crowd that had gathered around me began to disperse, some glaring at me with disgust as they departed.
As I processed everything that just happened, my stomach churned. All the progress I’d made yesterday unraveled before me. Rainbow Dash was needlessly combative, but I didn’t have to blow it all like that. There was no reason to try to provoke her into hitting me. I could have just walked away. I could have just not said anything.
It was no wonder she thought I was incapable of changing. Standing there, guilt flowing through me, I found it hard to argue with her. I really wasn’t any different. Months gone by, and I’d just proven I have less than nothing to show for it.
At the same time, I was trying. I handled this conflict the wrong way almost entirely, but at the start, I was actually doing my best to make peace with her—more than she deserved given how she’d been treating me. Still, when this all began, the last thing I wanted was for us to start fighting, but what could I do if that’s all she ever wanted? It was as much her fault as it was mine. She wasn’t willing to give me a chance.
After a minute, the hallway was back to normal. Students began walking through the halls as they had before our confrontation began. Whether it was because I was still processing everything or the bump to my head left me in a daze, I stood there in a stupor. So many emotions ran through me as I stood there idly, watching students pass me by as if I didn’t exist, just like Rainbow Dash tried to do before I foolishly thought I could talk to her.
At least, most of them acted like I didn’t exist. What finally snapped me out of my trance was being shoved again. This time, it seemed accidental, but it was still enough to make me stumble. The person who did it walked on by as if I wasn’t even there, and even as they slowly passed me by, I was too dazed to register what they looked like.
Not that it would have mattered. What was the point?
What was the point of anything I was doing? Why did I even try? Why was I still doing this to myself? Every day I worked myself to exhaustion just so I could struggle to sleep at night, and for what? To be shoved around by people I hardly even knew; even people I’m supposed to call my friends?
My mind began to race. Thoughts of leaving this all behind began to surface, as they usually did when things like this happened. This time, they were much louder than ever before. I should have gone through the portal with Twilight that night. I might finally have to face the consequences of everything I’d done, but whatever Celestia had waiting for me in Equestria couldn’t be any worse than anything I put up with here daily. An eternal sentence in Tartarus seemed preferable to this.
Regardless, I couldn’t stand being at school. I needed to go home. If I didn’t, I was liable to do something I’d regret to the next person who even looked at me funny. And whatever I did would assuredly get me expelled—assuming I hadn’t already dug my own grave with respect to that.
Shambling shamefully through the halls, I made my way toward the doors I had just entered not long ago. The morning light greeted me as I shoved them open as hard as I could. My head hung low as I made my way down the stairs. I didn’t make it far before someone with pink shoes stood before me. When I lifted it back up, I locked eyes with a concerned gaze.
“S-Sunset? Are you okay?” she asked.
My first instinct was to yell at her over what her stupid friend did, but I quickly stopped myself from acting on that impulse. As mad as I was, Fluttershy hadn’t done anything wrong—she’d just gotten to school. And so far, out of everyone at school, she was the only one who’d shown me any care, and she was the last person deserving of my fury.
I let out a deep sigh. “No, I’m not okay, Fluttershy. I’m going home.”
Fluttershy looked even more worried. “What? Why? What happened?”
“I fell. If you want to know more, ask Rainbow Dash. I’m sure she’s eager to tell you all about it.” I tried to hold back the venom in my words, but I couldn’t hold back the bite.
“Dashie? What did she do?!” Fluttershy snapped. Her reaction was surprisingly intense. It was almost as if she was angry on my behalf.
But once Rainbow Dash regaled her with the tale of her triumph, she certainly wouldn’t be. Even if she embellished things, there was no changing the facts: I could have walked away, but I chose to escalate things. Rather than admit that and watch the goodwill Fluttershy had been showing me disappear, I elected to make my way off the lot without an answer.
Except I didn’t get very far.
“Sunset Shimmer!” another voice called out from behind. I wanted to keep walking, but as it registered in my head whose voice that was, I stopped dead in my tracks. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Vice Principal Luna was standing at the top of the steps leading to the school’s entrance.
I was desperately hoping I could escape before any faculty knew what happened, and out of everyone on staff, she was probably the worst to have found out. If I were still concerned about holding my life together, maybe I’d be anxious. Instead, I felt done with everything.
“I’m sick, and I’m going home,” I replied flatly.
Luna’s expression made it clear she was as unconvinced as she was disappointed.
“Why don’t we talk about how you’re feeling?” she asked. “In my office.”
“Sure! I’d love to!” I sarcastically exclaimed, throwing my hands back in anger and walking back up the steps. As I got closer to her, she turned and moved towards the door.
“Wait!” Fluttershy cried out. Both Luna and I turned to face her, looking equally confused. “S-Sunset didn’t do anything.”
Staring at her, I knit my brow. Why was she standing up for me? Especially considering she didn’t even know what happened.
Vice Principal Luna gave me an incredulous expression. All I could do in response was shrug. I wondered if she thought I put Fluttershy up to this, but I was just as confused as she was.
“It is unclear to me what happened, Fluttershy, but I intend to get to the bottom of it,” she responded. “That said, attempting to skip school is against school rules. So regardless, Miss Shimmer has done something.”
Despite the doubt clear in Luna’s expression, Fluttershy remained resolute. “I understand, Vice Principal Luna. Just… please go easy on her. Sunset’s my friend. I know she’s been in a lot of trouble before, but she’s just having a hard time, and I know it’s not her fault.”
Luna hesitated briefly, narrowing her eyes as she shot me yet another perplexed look. Once again, I could only shrug. It felt as though Fluttershy sticking up for me was having the opposite effect of proving my innocence in Luna’s eyes; she only seemed more suspicious.
“Your concern is noted, Fluttershy,” she assured. “However, I advise you make haste to your first class, lest you be marked tardy.”
Fluttershy nodded, hopping up the steps before quickly darting inside the building. Luna and I followed soon after as we walked directly to her office. As we did so, I saw the other students gawking at us; soft murmurs and snickering from all over. It made me sick. I could only stand to look at the floor.
Occasionally, I’d look up at her. The closer we got to her office, the more her suspicion from before seemed to wane. Eventually, I elected to look away with a scowl to avoid catching her glances. I could only hope she was planning to make it all the easier to leave Canterlot High School behind for good..
Luna’s office was dark, as it always was. She sat behind her desk leaning forward, her fingers interlocked in front of her face. I was going to refuse to speak, but we’d been here for several minutes, and she hadn’t said a word either. She just kept staring, her eyes drilling into me.
The anticipation was beginning to drive me mad. At any moment, I was expecting her to hand me my final punishment. All she had to do was tell me I was expelled and, without hesitation, I would leave and find a place to hide until I could take the next portal out of this world, no matter how many moons there were left before then.
It felt like she was toying with me. Like part of my punishment was the agonizing wait for the other shoe to drop. Like she knew I just wanted to leave, and her final act of discipline was holding it over my head for as long as it took for me to break.
Before long, I grew bored of this stupid game. If she wanted me to break, I’d break, but I was going to make sure it wasn’t satisfying.
“What?” I asked. “Are you waiting for me to grovel and beg for forgiveness again? Because that’s not going to happen.”
“I’m merely waiting for you to speak to me.”
Squinting, my eyes briefly darted to the side before meeting hers again. “Why? What does it matter? Can we just get this over with?”
“Get what over with?”
“I don’t know!” I snapped “Just tell me what kind of trouble I’m in!”
“I am not trying to test your patience, Sunset,” she said. “I do not wish to have this conversation with you while you’re upset, and I feel it would be more productive for you to have an ear first and a word later.”
Her tone was sincere, a far cry from what I had expected to hear when she caught me trying to skip school. Nevertheless, I wasn’t comforted by it.
“I don’t know what kind of psychology bullshit you’re trying to pull, but I don’t think hanging the question of expulsion over my head is going to make me any calmer. Just tell me I’ve exhausted all my chances, and I’ll get out of your hair.”
The vice principal frowned. “Sunset, I did not bring you here to expel you.”
“Then what?” I snapped. “What am I here for? Why can’t I just go home?”
“Because I need to know exactly what happened. I may have a general idea of what transpired this morning, but I am unclear on the details, and I would appreciate it if you might help me understand.”
My eyebrow raised. “What are you talking about? I was just involved in a physical altercation! There were at least thirty to forty other kids you could ask.”
“Perhaps, but who better to inform me on what happened than one of the parties involved?”
“Yeah, the one you don’t trust.”
“I did not say nor did I imply that.”
“Like you even have to.”
“We can spend all morning going back and forth, Sunset, but the sooner we talk about this, the sooner we can be done here.”
“What is there to discuss?!” I exclaimed. “I started the fight—everyone knows by now! And even if I didn’t, I just tried to skip school. What more do I have to do to prove I don’t belong here?”
“I do not believe you started the altercation.”
“Why? Because Fluttershy told you I didn’t do anything? I don’t even know why she went up to bat for me, but I didn’t put her up to that, and she’s wrong anyway. She hadn’t even walked into the building yet.”
“I’m well aware of that, Miss Shimmer.” Luna sat back in her chair. “Tell me, if you do not mind me asking, where did that mark on your face come from?”
“I–” I knew exactly why, but I didn’t want to answer honestly, “I tripped on the way in,” I lied.
Luna raised an eyebrow. “I am merely trying to help you, Sunset, and you are not doing anyone any favors—least of all yourself—with untruths.”
“Okay, fine! You wanna know what happened? Some assholes ran into me this morning and pushed me into a locker. I face-planted into it. Everyone thought it was fucking hilarious. Happens every other day. Happy now?”
“Did you happen to catch who it was?” she asked.
“And why would I do that?”
“Why not?” Luna inquired.
“Because there’s no point! What, do you think any of the teachers in this school would have done anything if I managed to find them? Not one of them would give a shit or believe me if I reported them—they’d probably think it was funny, too! And even then, I didn’t want to deal with it since I’m already dealing with so much other shit.!”
Despite my expletives and shouting, Luna seemed entirely unfazed.
“What is it you are dealing with?” she asked.
“What am I dealing with?” I repeated, punctuated with a mirthless chuckle. If this was going to be my last day here, I might as well let loose.
“I’ll tell you what I’m dealing with: I come here and every day—every single day I’m reminded what a horrible bitch I am! I have to run between my classes, and if I don’t–” I pointed to my cheek, “–this is what happens, and everyone laughs! Even my friends! They barely even like me! They’re just keeping me around because that stupid bitch princess friend of theirs told them they have to. I’m an obligation!”
I stood up out of my seat, beginning to angrily pace back and forth. “If that wasn’t bad enough, I’m having to work day in and day out at a shitty job that I hate with a boss who couldn’t give a shit if I starved to death! I barely even have time to think most days because If I’m not here, I’m working, and if I’m not working, I’m sleeping—assuming I can sleep! Then, I wake up and start it all over again! Every. Single. Day."
Tears were streaming down my face by this point, and when I realized this, I just started laughing as I continued.
“My life fucking sucks—it sucks so much. I don’t even know why I’m here anymore! I don’t even want to be here anymore! I’m just waiting for you to tell me to fuck off so I can leave and someday go back to Equestria and spend the rest of my life dealing with whatever punishment Princess Celestia has in store for me. She’ll probably banish me to Tartarus for the rest of eternity or something, but that sounds like paradise compared to dealing with this awful place day in and day out! Fuck!”
Collapsing back into my seat, I started panting. My eyes were blurry from crying. I looked down, bringing my jacket sleeve up to my face and wiping the tears away. When I turned my head back to Luna, I expected her to be upset, shocked, angry—anything. Instead, she was frowning, looking even more concerned than she did earlier.
It was then that guilt began to catch up with me. As Rainbow Dash had reminded me earlier, these were consequences of my actions.
“And look, before you say it, I know—I know this is all my fault. I get it. This is all happening because of what I did, and I have no right to complain. This is what I deserve.”
I let out another deep exhale. “It’s just… When is it supposed to get easier? I get it—I really do. What I did was fucked up, and I know that, but how am I supposed to be better if no one will give me a chance? What the fuck am I even bothering for?”
Silence fell over the room as I concluded my tirade.
Luna leaned forward in her seat. “What you’ve done previously is certainly worthy of discipline, not cruelty. What you are describing is not what you deserve, nor is it what I or my sister had in mind when we decided your punishment.”
“Really?” An empty laugh escaped my lips. “Cruelty wasn’t the point? You didn’t think this is how it would go? Making me work near full-time while going to school with a bunch of hormonal apes who hate my guts?”
Luna blinked, almost as if she was wincing.
“Between the two of us, if it is any consolation, I have always believed making you pay restitution was excessive and unnecessary.”
I scoffed. “You keep saying shit like that, but how am I supposed to believe that? If you really believe it’s too much, then why am I still doing it?”
Luna looked off to the side, exhaling deeply.
“Unfortunately, in matters such as these, my sister is the one with the final say. I have always been of the mind that punitive justice is an ineffective deterrent for bad behavior. This is no exception. It is yet another thing Celestia and I do not see eye to eye on.”
As her gaze met mine, it was the first moment I felt any comfort from her throughout this conversation.
“Regardless, I did not realize things had been so… difficult, and I would like to discuss this matter in more detail after I’ve had a chance to talk to Principal Celestia.” Luna paused for a moment before continuing. “For now, would you please give me your account of what happened in the hallway?”
Without sparing any details, I told her everything that happened between me and Rainbow Dash. Even if Luna had made it clear she didn’t want to punish me, I didn’t bother to sugarcoat the things I said to Dash. Part of me hoped that admitting to escalating the conflict would be enough to get me expelled anyway, but judging by her lack of reaction to the worst things I said, it wasn’t enough for her to do that.
And when I finally got to the end of it, all I received at first was, “I see…”
Luna sat silently for a moment, contemplating a response for an agonizingly long time. “While I certainly do not condone your provocation of Miss Dash, if your story is to be believed, you were not the aggressor in this conflict. Therefore, I see no reason to hand you any discipline.”
A normal person would have been relieved. I, however, felt disappointed.
“I will be calling Rainbow Dash into my office this afternoon for a discussion about this. What she said was uncalled for, and her reaction even more so.”
“What? You’re not even going to ask for her side of the story?”
“Of course I shall,” she answered, “but I have been doing this for quite some time. Given all the circumstances, and how forthcoming you’ve been about your role in all of this, I believe it is safe to assume you are telling the truth.
For a moment, I felt vindicated. Dash was finally going to face some kind of consequence for treating me like shit. That should have made me happy. It was what I’d been waiting on for months. The feeling didn’t last, though.
Sure, she was certainly the one who provoked me first, but was it fair for her to face consequences for it? After all, all she did was laugh about the fact that I had been shoved. Would she have reacted any differently if it were any of her friends? Okay, probably. Almost definitely, even. But still.
At the end of it all, she did have a point. After everything I had done, and especially with how I escalated things, it just didn’t feel right for her to be in any trouble for that. It wasn’t right of her to prod or shove me the way she did, but neither of us handled the situation any better than the other.
“Look, Vice Principal Luna, I… I don’t want her to get in any trouble for this. I was most of the reason it happened. She didn’t have to react that way, but I knew she was trying to piss me off. I could have just walked away.”
Every word of that hurt to say, but as I saw the faintest smile curl on Luna’s lips, it dulled the sting ever so slightly.
“All things considered, your conviction is admirable, Sunset.” Luna briefly exhaled. “Unfortunately, physical altercations of any kind must be addressed regardless of how either party feels—that is school policy. However, I can assure you: any punishment she may face will not be severe. You need not worry about her. Now, is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”
“Well,” I began, “how much trouble am I in? You know, for trying to skip?”
Luna’s eyes briefly wandered around the room. “It is clear you were not trying to skip just for the sake of it, so I will let it slide this time.” Her expression hardened. “However, I do ask that you please refrain from doing so in the future. If something like this comes to pass again, I implore you to come see me instead of attempting to leave school grounds. I understand why you are apprehensive to report incidents such as these to most of the school’s faculty, but I am not them.
“I certainly do not wish to draw parallels where there are none, but you remind me of myself when I was your age. Had it not been for someone believing in me, I would have gone down a different, much more arduous road, and if you will allow me, I would like to help you steer clear of it as well. You have done well these past few months, I would hate to see you squander your progress.”
Her lips curled into a slight grin. “Oh, and, in the future, do watch your colorful language.”
“Right, sorry about that,” I apologized, flashing a sheepish smile. “Thanks, Vice Principal Luna.” Raising my arm, I brought my hand up to scratch the back of my head.
My smile faded the moment my hand touched the back of my head as I felt something very out of place. A small part of my hair felt caked in something. As I brought my hand up to my face, I grimaced as I realized what it was. Even under the dim lighting in Luna’s office, I could tell there was dried blood on my fingers.
“You look troubled,” Luna inquired.
“Oh, it’s nothing big, but… I think my head might have started bleeding when it hit the locker.”
Luna’s eyes went wide. “Do you feel tired or dizzy? Is your vision okay?”
Luna rose out of her seat, walking around the desk toward me.
I shook my head. “I don’t remember the last time I didn’t feel tired, but I’m not dizzy and I can see just fine.”
Standing behind me, I could feel her hands push my hair out of the way, her fingers brushing up and down the back of my head in search of the wound. Tingles shot down my spine as I felt her fingers touch the site of impact.
“Thankfully it seems to be superficial, but as I am not a professional, I do not think we should go by my judgment alone. Let’s get you to the nurse and have that looked at, just in case.” Luna helped me up to my feet. “If she says you’re clear, then you’re free to leave for the day, if you wish.”
“Really?” I tried to hide just how excited that made me. Even if this conversation had made me feel better, I wasn’t exactly itching to get back to class.
Luna nodded, leading the way to the school nurse. “As mentioned before, Principal Celestia and I will also discuss the terms of your punishment. I won’t make any promises, but I believe you’ve been through enough today, and in general. I will do what I can to make her see things my way.”
“I… Thanks,” I stammered.
For a moment, I thought this was going to turn into yet another nightmare. Any second now, the demon was going to burst out of the vice principal’s skin and set the entire school on fire, or the building was going to start collapsing around me. But we just kept walking. The hope I entered with had gone cold quite some time ago, but as we made our way to the nurse’s office, I felt a spark inside of me once more.
Dealing with my friends after everything that happened this morning was going to suck, but the prospect of a lighter punishment made that seem insignificant by comparison. Maybe, maybe, I was finally catching a break.
As Vice Principal Luna predicted, the wound on the back of my head was only skin deep. Since I wasn’t displaying any symptoms of any kind of internal head injury, and since the abrasion was so minuscule, the nurse said I was clear. With that, I was ready to go home and not think about school for the rest of the day.
Right before I made it to the entrance, a voice calling my name stopped me.
“Sunset! Wait up!”
Quickly turning around, I saw Fluttershy running toward me. It reminded me of the day before, only this time, she actually started slowing down well before she got close, and I felt a twist in my gut, knowing she was probably aware of everything I’d done now.
“Uhh… shouldn’t you be in class? I asked, raising an eyebrow.
She shook her head. “It’s a free period right now. Vice Principal Luna came and told me you weren't in any trouble, but that you were leaving for the day, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Thanks, I guess?” I awkwardly chuckled. “I’m alright though, you can go back to doing what you were doing if you want.”
I was a little lost as to why Luna would tell her that, or why Fluttershy was still concerned. I figured Rainbow Dash would have told her everything by now, and Fluttershy wouldn’t care if I walked out and got hit by a bus after that.
“Oh, also, umm–” Fluttershy’s eyes darted around for a few moments, “–Dashie told me her side of the story, but I was hoping you could tell me what happened.”
Looking to the side briefly, I furrowed my brow. “Why not just take her word for it?”
An uncertain smile spread across her face.
“I trust Dash,” she answered, “but you’re my friend too, and it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t hear you out too.” Her lips pursed. “That, and, well, I know her well enough to know when she’s not telling me everything.”
My expression softened even though I was more confused. Why did she put so much faith in me? Granted, I knew Dash would embellish her side of the story to make her look even better, but I suppose I would have expected Fluttershy to take that at face value, especially since it was about me.
I had to hold back a giggle. I remembered thinking there was something wrong with her yesterday, and this just felt like it was confirming that.
With a deep exhale, I retold the story of our confrontation, the same as I’d done with Vice Principal Luna. Only this time, while I tried to be as honest as could be, I also did my best to make it sound like I wasn’t upset at Rainbow Dash, and that I was just as wrong, if not moreso, than she was.
Was all of that true? Absolutely not. Even if I was in the wrong, Rainbow Dash could get bent for all I cared, but if Fluttershy was asking me about this, then it meant my plan wasn’t completely hopeless. We could still be friends, but I had to sell how sorry I was just in case.
A pit of anxiety formed in my stomach as I could see Fluttershy’s expression intensify toward the end. For a moment, I thought she was finally realizing I wasn’t to be trusted and if she was, I couldn’t blame her, but the sinking feeling it gave me reminded me of the nausea I felt when Dash and I were face to face.
“I see,” she said, her tone rather terse.
“Yeah,” I responded awkwardly. “I kinda deserved it, I know.”
“Oh, no no no, it’s not that, it’s just… she didn’t tell me she said any of that. Or even that she shoved you at the end. She told me she walked away after you told her to hit her. I can’t believe she’d lie to me like that.”
“Oh.” That was all I could think to respond with at first. After a few seconds, I continued. “Yeah, she got me pretty good.”
An empty laugh escaped from me as I reached my hand up, gently running my fingers along the minor wound. “I had to go to the nurse before I left because I didn’t realize she busted my head open.”
Fluttershy gasped. “She what?!” she shouted. That was the single loudest sound I’d ever heard come from her in my life.
“Hey, relax. It wasn’t that bad. The nurse said I’m fine. Just a scratch, that’s all.”
Even after trying to placate her, Fluttershy wrapped me in a tight hug. “Goodness, I’m so sorry Sunset. I’m so glad you’re okay, though.”
She squeezed a little tighter. Her sudden affection caused me to shift around in her arms for a few moments. How was someone who looked like her capable of a bear hug like that?
As she pulled away, I looked at her with a mix of surprise and confusion. Upon meeting my gaze, she smiled sheepishly at me.
“Umm, s-sorry about that.”
I held back a groan. “You have got to stop apologizing.” Reaching my arms behind me, I stretched my back out. “Besides, I think you popped my spine, and it felt really good. Thanks for that.” I chuckled. She hid her face in her hair bashfully.
As she fixed her hair, she spoke up again. “I’ll try and talk to Rainbow Dash about this at lunch today. I-If I can. I’m sorry this all happened. I can't believe she would do this.”
I couldn’t help but wince. Not just out of irritation at yet another apology, but at the idea of having to talk about this with the rest of the girls.
“You really don’t have to do that,” I suggested. “It’s really no big deal, and I’d rather put this all behind us. Besides, I provoked her.”
“It is a big deal,” she contested. “You might have made her mad, but she didn’t have to push you. Not only that, she lied about it to my face!”
The anger in her voice made me cock my head back. I wasn’t even aware someone like her was capable of carrying such a tone.
“I appreciate it, I guess?” I offered. “Just… make sure she knows I’d like to put it all behind us. The less I have to think about all this, the better.”
A sympathetic smile emerged on her face. A few more seconds of silence passed by before I finally piped up again.
“Well, I’m gonna head out then. I’ll see you later.” Turning toward the door, I only made it a couple of steps before she stopped me again.
“Umm, before you go, a-and I understand if you don’t–”
“Band practice, right?”
She nodded.
“It’d probably be better if I didn’t show, but don’t worry about me. You all have fun, and we can talk about all this tomorrow if you want. Or not.” I shrugged as I looked over to the side. “I could really go for not talking about it.”
Fluttershy let out a strained laugh. “We should definitely talk about it. What Dash did wasn’t right, and she owes you an apology.”
I sighed. “Right, and I guess owe her one too.”
She smiled sweetly at me, and I gave her my best smile back. Then we stood in silence again.
As awkward as it felt, I found my eyes locked onto hers. For a brief few moments, I couldn’t bring myself to pull them away. Something about sharing that gaze made me feel warm. Was this the “magic” part of friendship Twilight was talking about? Maybe the head injury I suffered was worse than the nurse had told me.
Before I had long to ponder it, she looked away. “Well, I should get a head start getting to my next class.” She turned away, taking a few steps before stopping and turning to face me again. “And, umm, if you want to do anything tonight, let me know. I’m planning on going to band practice, but if you want to do something, w-we could do that instead.”
“I’m probably just going to go home and catch up on sleep, but if I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”
She nodded, and right as she was about to depart, I opened my mouth to say goodbye. Only, an unexpected sentence made its way out of my mouth instead.
“You know, I don’t get you.”
She stared at me blankly, tilting her head as if she didn’t understand. “I’m sorry?”
Putting my hands up defensively, I grinned in embarrassment. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. It’s just… Why are you being so nice to me? After, you know,” I held my hands out, gesturing aimlessly, “everything we’ve been through?”
“Well, you’re my friend,” she stated. “I just try to be as good to you as I am to any of my friends.” Fluttershy was trying to hide her face in her hair again, but I could see her cheeks were a tad flushed.
“Yeah, but–”
Before I could say anything else, the class bell rang. Moments later, students began flooding the hallway.
“Oh goodness, I better get going. My class is on the other side of the building.” Fluttershy quickly waved, hurrying down the hall before I had a chance to say anything else.
As she disappeared into the steady stream of students, I took that as my cue to make my departure. I made my way down the front steps of the school building, pulling out my phone to check the time. It was still relatively early in the morning. For the first time since winter break, I had a weekday entirely to myself.
Walking down the sidewalk, I quickly realized there wasn’t a lot I could think of that I wanted to do. Hours of free time had fallen directly into my lap, yet I didn’t know what to do with it. All things considered, it was one of the best dilemmas I’d had in recent memory.
With that in mind, I elected to do exactly what I told Fluttershy I was going to do: catch up on sleep. I had to have at least several hundred hours of sleep debt to catch up on at this point. And hopefully, by the end of the day, I would have knocked an hour or two off of that.
The hiatus is over! We are back! 
In case you missed it, I mentioned in a blog post that I'm going to try to keep things steady going forward. I'm not shooting for a specific day, but I will be shooting for an update every one to two weeks.
I expect Rainbow Dash's behavior in this chapter will be considered pretty unfair. You would do well to remember that, so far, you only know Sunset's side of the story. 
Thanks for reading! 
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Even knowing just Sunset's side of things what Rainbow Dash did was exceedingly unfair, uncalled for, and quite frankly not awesome and petty. She has no real excuse to act that way and should be better.
Welcome back! This is a very good chapter that does a great job with the character work. The scene with Luna is really well done and showcases a different side of her from the disciplinarian who almost wrongly disciplined Princess Twilight when last we saw her (at this point in canon). And it fits very well with her being Princess Luna's counterpart that she would be the more hesitant of the sisters to dole out burdensome punishments with repercussions outside the school grounds.
As for Rainbow Dash, I love the way you're handling her. It makes perfect sense with her personality that she'd be the one least willing to turn the other cheek toward Sunset. Keep in mind that not only was she personally experiencing Sunset's torment for months if not years, but she was also having to see the impact Sunset's bullying left on her friends, particularly Fluttershy, who's strongly implied both here and canon to be Rainbow's best friend of the bunch. In Equestria Girls, we literally meet Sunset in the human world as she's harassing Fluttershy, after having broken up their friendships and isolated her. And then, of course, at the Fall Formal, Sunset's monstrous form literally throws a fireball that could very well have killed them -- to say that qualifies as being "physical" with her bullying is an understatement.
Rainbow Dash is the element of loyalty. And she's incredibly loyal -- to her friends. Sunset is not only not her friend, but someone who repeatedly and severely hurt her friends. And those friends might be willing to give Sunset a chance at Twilight's behest, but Rainbow doesn't see someone sincerely attempting to change. Rainbow is steadfast, she's determined, and she's defensive. (We all saw how her pony counterpart took it when she realized Gilda was being cruel to Pinkie Pie.) In her eyes, with Sunset, it's far better to be safe than sorry, especially when Fluttershy, in particular, is repeatedly putting herself in alarming proximity to her former tormentor. So she makes a point to keep Sunset firmly in her place and, if at all possible, push her away (literally if needed) where she can't become a danger to her friends once again.
Fluttershy, of course, does see sincerity in Sunset, even where Sunset herself questions her own motives. Her embrace of Sunset is likely what's holding Rainbow back from completely lashing out at her, even if it's also part of what's driving her aggression. We'll have to see going forward if she can be what defuses some of the tension between Rainbow and Sunset, even if we know from Rainbow Rocks that there'll still be doubt and mistrust by the time the Sirens arrive on the scene.
I'm so glad this is back!!
Rainbow isn't being done dirty here, with her brash personality this kind of confrontation would be inevitable. The physicality of it is inevitable at this age as well.
I don't really give my 2 cents on stories but I genuinely love this story so far, I really liked the entire "fight scene" especially since both sunset and rainbow are so well written in this. I prefer books that portray sunset as snarky and mean and provocative at times instead of the rainbow blast completely stripping her of her worse qualities.
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I'm happy you mentioned that! Stripping Sunset of the worst aspects of her personality was something I wanted to avoid from the outset. I've seen fics do that, and while I don't consider it an issue and understand why others write it that way (canonically speaking, that is just sorta how it happens), I feel like it robs her character of a really interesting introspective journey.
Perhaps the most personal quote in this chapter (and the story thus far) is right here:
From experience, I know being a jerk can be an intrinsic part of someone's personality, but it can also just as easily be a learned behavior. In both cases, it can be next to impossible to truly unlearn those behaviors. When unlearning isn't an option, learning to control those impulses is the next best thing. Unfortunately, control is almost just as challenging to learn, and it's a very slow and arduous path. Progress is seldom linear as well.
Thank you for your comments, and I'm very glad you're enjoying the story.
Oof.
Violence ain't gonna fix it Sunset, it'll just make things worse!
Didn't sound like one to me.
She's got a point Dash.
Ok, now she's going a bit too far.
I mean, you are half responsible for what just happened.
Your missing a " at the end of the paragraph.
Vice Principal*
Dash and I*
Some things are best left unanswered.
Of course it had to happen.
Seems someone came back with a bang, and I didn't even realize it.
I'll admit, this general setup for Rainbow Dash, I've seen rather often, with only a few exceptions (and I'm one of them, so I don't count). But at the same time, it's one I never get tired of, seeing the double-edged nature of Loyalty; she's not going to be wishy-washy on an issue that involves someone who hurt her friends. Either she's the first one on board the 'friendship with Sunset' train or she's the last holdout, and there is NO gray area. At least, that's how I feel, and so seeing these kinds of conflicts are always fun for me when done right (which I think you have thus far, so good on you).
And of course, despite her failings, I appreciate that Sunset's not done a complete one-eighty. Some writers I felt went TOO deeply in on making her really sad or apologetic (which I get), but I feel like part of the fun of a character like this is wanting to be better despite some deeply ingrained stuff (ego, temper, manipulative nature, etc). Yes, the nature of her redemption is supernatural, but all the more reason why it's good for her progression to feel natural.
Thus far, I've been loving it, and I eagerly await the next chapter.
Wonder if she felt tingling cuz of the sting of something making contact on the wound, or cuz she wasn't quite expecting her to get so close and examine it like that with her hands, or both! Either way its a very sweet gesture and it goes to reenforce that shes a thoughtful lady n i rlly liked that.