The villains have defeated and conquered Equestria, the heroes lost, and the world fell into chaos. In the midst of it all, an old mare tries to live a quiet life, but nopony can run from their past forever.
You should review your pronoun usage at the part where Celestia brings the corpse to Scroll
It's confusing.
Confused and curious, he got up and started to walk away from his desk, but after only a few steps, the double doors were shattered, their remains falling into his office, forcing him to back away.
As the small cloud of smoke dissipated, and what he saw made his eyes snap open. Fear, anger and desolation hit him at the same time with crushing force. There was what he dimly recognized as Light Flare, and behind her, in the corridor that led to his office, he could see several guards who had tried to stop her crushed to the ground in her magical aura. What really caught his attention was what hovered just above his head, the body of his son, blood still dripping from it. Without any care or respect, the mare dropped the boy's body in front of his father, who could barely move, his eyes moving from his son to his murderer.
11299490 I'm sorry, but I only see the fault with the doors, which should put 'it's' instead of 'theirs', I think. I'm not a native English speaker and I only know a fair amount of pronouns, so I don't know exactly what other mistakes there are.
11299614 No oroblem, I totally get the gender language things, when to use el and la in spanish, as well as knowing when it is rojo or roja... That sort of deal.
Should've listened.
All Hail Celestia, Princess of the Sun, Regent of Justice and one extremely pissed off mare.
Welcome back Princess, you've been gone far too long.
11288822
Yes, but the bad guys always have a bad habit of not doing it .
11288830
Oh trust me, you haven't seen her true return yet .
Celestia, Celestia, Celestia. What took you?
Will this story have a badass little girl in it?
This story is criminally underrated
You should review your pronoun usage at the part where Celestia brings the corpse to Scroll
It's confusing.
Confused and curious, he got up and started to walk away from his desk, but after only a few steps, the double doors were shattered, their remains falling into his office, forcing him to back away.
As the small cloud of smoke dissipated, and what he saw made his eyes snap open. Fear, anger and desolation hit him at the same time with crushing force. There was what he dimly recognized as Light Flare, and behind her, in the corridor that led to his office, he could see several guards who had tried to stop her crushed to the ground in her magical aura. What really caught his attention was what hovered just above his head, the body of his son, blood still dripping from it. Without any care or respect, the mare dropped the boy's body in front of his father, who could barely move, his eyes moving from his son to his murderer.
11299490
Now that I have put the abrupt part out of the way, Bloody invigorating.
11299490
I'm sorry, but I only see the fault with the doors, which should put 'it's' instead of 'theirs', I think. I'm not a native English speaker and I only know a fair amount of pronouns, so I don't know exactly what other mistakes there are.
11299493
Well we are starting .
11299490
Wait, that's a correction. Sorry I misunderstood, thank you very much, I'll correct it now.
11299614
No oroblem, I totally get the gender language things, when to use el and la in spanish, as well as knowing when it is rojo or roja... That sort of deal.