Author’s Note: This is my first attempt at a horror fic. Ever. Not my first fic, just a horror fic. There’s a difference. I’ll leave the quality up to you to decide.
Twilight sighed as she finished another page in her novel. So far it was rather uninvolved. Despite being recommended from the only other avid reader in her group of friends, it had a rather predictable plot, shallow characters, and an obvious moral dilemma. How many novels out there asked for the hero to decide between the damsel in distress and the treasure of a lifetime?
Then again, it made sense that Dash would like it.
“So Twi, how’s the reading going?” The unicorn’s face rose from her book to see a cyan pegasus just in front of her, pink eyes focused on the pages between them. She felt a pull at the edge of her lips.
‘Speak of the mare.’ Twilight noted sarcastically in her mind.
“It’s… definitely something outside my usual reading material.” Any disdain for the book she had must have been kept from her voice, because all her words did was make the pegasus stand at her tallest, sport herself a cheeky grin, and hold a hoof up to her chest.
“We’ll, I do know my friends best. Wouldn’t be a very loyal friend if I couldn’t at least guess what you’d like.” The unicorn did all she could to suppress the sigh from escaping her lips.
‘It is the thought that counts.’ Twilight noted listlessly.
BOOM!
Dash jumped backwards a few good hooves at the sudden rupture from the thunder outside. Her wings were flared straight and eyes glaring viciously at the window. This time Twilight couldn’t suppress her body’s natural reaction. Soft, but audible, giggles came from the back of her throat. The pegasus took notice, and was annoyance, instantly.
“Oh yeah, laugh it up, egghead.” She spoke harshly towards the grinning lavender mare. “A pegasus got spooked by thunder. You better keep that a secret.” She mumbled the last part under her breath. Twilight removed the hoof from her lips before offering a far more gentle and caring smile to her friend, eyes closing half way and only superficial muscles of her lips flexing.
“I’ll never speak a word of it.” Dash gave a satisfied nod before trotting across the floor.
She settled down on the stairs, reaching for her choice of reading material for the night. “The Author’s Extended Edition of Daring Do and the Silver Luna,” coming with an extra forty pages of intense action and coat biting thrills. Whoever the author was, she sure didn’t disappoint. For every page she read, she found herself grinning wider and wider.
Dash looked up to see Twilight still reading on the floor, a small bed of pillows beneath her. Her book was lit by the small amount of light granted from the storm outside, occasionally lightened by a flash of lightning before the rumble of thunder. The pegasus sneered out the window.
She didn’t mind thunderstorms, heck, she made them, but they always kept her out of the sky whenever they needed to be produced. This time, however, the Canterlot Committee requested a blanket storm, one that the evaporation of the surrounding water bodies would increase its strength. That way, it would be able to self travel over the entire Equestrian continent. A single broad sweep.
There was some mumbo jumbo about putting some element or chemical back into the ground, but she didn’t care, really. All it meant was she couldn’t fly until this thing had flown over their heads and decided that the next town over was ripe for disrupting.
Dash’s attention to the window was cut when she saw another flash, but this one was purple, not white.
She saw a book levitate itself off of a table not far from where Twilight was, floating over and resting just on top of the book she was reading. Dash frowned. Setting her book down, unfortunately, she trotted over to the librarian.
“Yo Twilight,” she began, putting herself right next to the mare. Said unicorn gave a slight jump at her voice. “Whatcha reading now?” the mare looked up at Dash for a moment, lavender eyes meeting pink before settling back down to the text in front of her.
“It’s a book I started about a week ago,” she began to speak. “It’s an in depth analysis of classical mythologies and a historical recounting of ancient pony society.” A smile had drawn itself across the librarian’s features. When she looked back up to the pegasus beside her, she saw knitted eyebrows, pulled lips, and drooping wings. Twilight knew those signs immediately. Dash was confused, and annoyed.
“Sorry,” she began, clearing her throat. “It’s called ‘Tales and Lore of Mythologies’.” The author’s name didn’t matter, not to Dash at least. Twilight was willing to bet a couple of her books the pegasus couldn’t name the author of the Daring Do novels.
“Uh, Twi?” The pegasus began with a pointed tone. “I hate to break it to you, but all those words, they mean the same thing.” Her voice was flat, as if the fact were as obvious as the wings on her back.
“Not quite Rainbow, and the word you’re looking for is synonyms.” The mare’s rolling eyes spoke all the care she had for that fact. Twilight smiled at the gesture before continuing, her own eyes falling back to the book under her. “Mythology applies to a collection of interconnected stories of a society or community that never truly existed. Tales and lore are synonyms for stories.”
“Wait, back up,” Rainbow gave a small shake of her head before continuing. “You mean you’re reading stories based off of something that never existed?” The unicorn gave it only a moment’s thought before nodding in affirmation. “What’s the point of that? I mean, reading fiction is awesome, but fiction based on fiction? Doesn’t that become a double negative or something? You know, cancel each other out?”
“Wow Dash, I had no idea you had such excellent mathematical skills.” The pink rolling eyes hardened into a glare. Twilight’s smile became a giggle once more. “Calm down, sorry, I couldn’t resist.” The pegasus’s eyes had yet to soften. “Well the answer to your question is yes and no. Mythologies carry with them a set of rules and guidelines for establishing the world and culture it exists within. The stories are based off of those predisposed facts. It’s actually not that different than if… let’s say you read about Daring Do reading a plaque on the wall.” Dash’s mouth opened to an ‘O’ shape.
“Oh!” she lightly cried, excited even, “Oh I get it now. So you’re reading a bunch of stories based on one of these mythologies then.”
“Exactly.” Both mares smiled at one another, common ground finally met.
“Well, don’t leave me hanging.” Dash began, “Tell me what mythology this is.” Without waiting for an invitation or response, the cyan pegasus turned to stand beside her friend, lowering her legs to the pillows beneath her.
Their coats brushed against one another, small strands of coat hairs tickling one another. It was warmer than the fire in the hearth. Neither mare felt reason to complain. Twilight brushed and snuggled closer to the pegasus next to her, suppressing another bout of giggles as she felt the feathered wing of her friend wrap around her midsection.
“Well, this section of mythology refers to a culture of creatures known as Homo sapiens, or humans.”
“I’m gonna stick with humans.” Twilight gave her friend a sideways smile before looking back down at the book.
“Anyways, the human mythologies are absolutely filled with stories from nearly every genre. Science Fiction, Fantasia, Romance, Tragedies, and even epic adventures. This particular section deals with the lore revolving around horror and dark themes.”
“So, you had epic adventures as an option, and you went with horror?” Now Dash was giving her an incredulous look. “Seriously Twilight, and you wonder why you lose your head.”
“That was one time.” The unicorn responded under breath. Her mane shook with her head. “But, the reason why I’m reading this section is because horror stories, like all stories, have a unique purpose in cultures.”
“Oh yeah?” The pegasus questioned. “And what’s that?” Twilight smiled before responding.
“Horror stories such as these are aimed more towards children and foals. They are warnings against dangerous activities, discouraging them from doing things that would lead to harm with a supernatural consequence in their mind.” The curious look from Dash had turned into udder confusion. The unicorn sighed. “It means that these stories were meant to scare children away from doing dangerous things.”
“Oh!” Rainbow gave a slight cheer as the idea clicked. Her wings flared for a moment before settling back over her sides and Twilight’s body. The unicorn shifted closer to her friend. “I get it. It’s like Nightmare Moon, right?”
“Correct.” The lavender mare agreed. “Nightmare Moon endorses foals to give up their candy so they won’t be sick or have too many cavities. But, you know… she was real.”
“Yeah, was.”
“Anyways, the point is, I’m trying to determine some of the lessons this collection of stories is trying to convey. Some of them are rather obvious while others… let’s just say they’re overly vague.” The dip in Twilight’s voice was not unnoticed.
“Wait… are you like… feeling bad that you can’t figure them out?” Dash must have hit a nail, because the unicorn’s wide eyes met her own.
“N-No!” She attempted to defend, but defeat came quickly afterwards. “Yeah… it’s just… stories are supposed to make the message easy to understand, so it shouldn’t be that hard to interpret as long as I look for it. But the problem is these read a lot less like horror stories and more like a collection of warnings.”
“You’re going to have to explain how it’s hard to find a warning while looking at a bunch of them.” Sarcasm dripped like venom from the pegasus’s words. It made Twilight shake her head.
“No, that’s not what I meant. Here.” She turned the book with a small pull of her hoof, angling the text towards her friend’s gaze. “All that these do is list characteristics of the same figure over and over again, usually with details just trying to embellish the physical traits it possesses. It doesn’t follow the proper story format of plot arcs, character descriptions, development, or even grammar in a few parts. It’s like… it’s like this entire section was just scribbled.”
“Well,” Dash began, hoof lifting the back end of the book. “You are near the end. Maybe the author… I don’t know, made a few last minute revisions?” The incredulous look from Twilight made Dash physically pull back. “Yeah, alright silly, I get it.”
“I’m serious though.” Twilight let her horn flare for a second before pulling the book from Dash’s hooves, flipping the pages back before her forehoof settled on some of the text. “Look,” She began. “This is called “Frankenstein.” It’s about a scientist that attempts to recreate life artificially, and is successful.”
“That actually sounds… kind of awesome.” Dash admitted as the idea flew through her mind. Twilight made sure to shoot down the bird quickly.
“That’s the author’s point. It seemed like a good idea, but the monster the doctor creates travels across the land, killing the entire family of the scientist before finally running away, forcing the scientist into a desperate search that ends in his death.” The pegasus’s jaw hung uselessly from the short synopsis. “But that’s my point, you can get the meaning behind the author’s words very quickly.”
“No kidding.”
“So that’s why this one…” Twilight’s horn flared as the pages flew forwards again, ending on the section that caused her so much confusion. “Is driving me mad!”
Dash sat back, wing draped over Twilight, as she let the unicorn stew in minor anger. It almost made her smile, seeing the normally collected and analytical mare losing herself over a message she couldn’t understand. Still, if there was one thing the pegasus was sure of at this point, it was that this unicorn’s company was much better spent when she was calm.
“Hey, can I take a look at it?” Twilight gave her a sideways glance before pushing the book towards her.
“Sure,” she spoke with an exasperated sigh. “Maybe I just need another set of eyes to look at it.”
“Don’t mind if I do.” Without another word, Dash set to work reading the pages in front of her… before quickly stopping and giving Twilight a confused look.
“Uh…” she began, one of her hooves rising to scratch the back of her mane. “What’s a human anyway?”
Twilight’s features, once twisted and scrunched in annoyance, instantly softened. Her eyes opened wider, jaw tilted open just a smidge, and shoulders falling with her already crouched legs. The muscles across her upper lips began to pull into a smile as she shook her head.
“Sorry,” she apologized, “I guess I missed that part.”
Her horn flared as she took the book back from Dash’s hooves. The pages spun backwards, the front cover the binding coming closer and closer to vision. Finally, at nearly the first page, Twilight set the book back down on the floor, one of her hooves tracing over an image.
“This is a human.” She explained patiently. “It’s a creature that walks on two legs, possess digitized bones and muscles in both extremities, making it capable of dexterous motions, lacking a coat over it’s body, and standing at heights ranging from an above average five feet to an impressive seven feet tall.” Dash watched with rapt attention.
“Furthermore,” Twilight continued. “Their culture was wide and varied. It’s common in these mythos to find something that can anger one human into a screaming fury, but would relax and soothe another into slumber.”
“Those are two pretty extreme differences Twi.” Dash replied flatly. The unicorn only giggled in response.
“I know, and at first, I thought it was a horrible way to characterize a species, but most of these authors do a great job of showing the mindset of each human throughout the stories. You can actually understand their motivations based off of more of who they are then what they are. In fact…” She gave a coy look to her cyan friend. “I’d say that a good deal of the stories written about these humans are better written than other fictional stories.” Dash caught on without missing a beat.
“You better not be implying Daring Do on me Twilight.” It wasn’t a threat, and they both knew it. Just another facet of Rainbow’s attitude the unicorn had in time grown to tolerate, and then slowly began to enjoy.
“Oh no, I love those books,” the mare agreed. With a small cough, she continued on. “Anyways, the point is that these humans all have similar physical characteristics, but vary immensely in mindsets and personalities. Also, none of them are capable of flight or magic.” That made Dash’s head turn.
“Seriously?” The pegasus asked skeptically, “None of them? There’s not even like rare breed of them with wings?” The unicorn shook her head determinedly.
“Nope, none. They can with a bit of engineering, but there was never a single human capable of flight or magic. Some of the lore has them capable of it, but outside of the stories, never.”
“That… kind of sucks.” Dash admitted.
Her pink eyes scanned over the image of the man. Long locks of a dark mane sitting on top of his head, long gangly claws with dull edges at the end of its fore hooves, short stubby ones at the end of his rear ones. Honestly, it looked rather hideous. The only thing about it that looked attractive were the muscles on it. Unlike most of the colts and stallions, she could see every detail in them. There was literally nothing hidden. She swallowed a ball in her throat she didn’t realize was there. She heard Twilight giggle next to her.
“See something you like?” The pegasus resisted, successfully, the urge to back pedal away from her friend.
“Nope!” Dash quickly shot out. “I-I just had a, a, a, a, um, a…”
She was caught, and she knew it. She was caught and Twilight knew it. The pegasus was chuckling nervously while the unicorn was smiling coyly. The tension between them was thick and heavy, taunt like a rope being pulled between Big Mac and Shining Armor.
BOOM!
Dash’s wings flared. Twilight’s horn flashed. The fire in the hearth went out.
The darkness quickly overtook the room, leaving the shivering mares holding one another close. Twilight could feel Dash’s wing vibrating over her midsection, trembling over her coat. Dash could feel Twilight move even closer to her, their coat hairs nearly tying themselves together.
The silence was more deafening than the thunder.
“That… was something, huh?” Dash questioned dumbly.
“Yeah,” Twilight answered with a level of equal intelligence. “H-Hold on a second.” The pegasus watched her horn light itself in the darkness, glowing the now famous lavender hue. Her features were lit up under the soft light, showing her concentration with shut eyes and tense lips.
In a small flash, the fire in the hearth relit itself, filling the library with light and warmth. Dash released a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She saw more than felt Twilight’s hoof tapping her own.
“Dash,” she spoke in a whisper. Why a whisper? “You can relax now.” Confused, Rainbow looked behind her, focusing on the wings that betrayed her emotions only so often. One was currently holding Twilight close, like she would a stuffed doll in her fillyhood.
“O-Oh, yeah,” Her wing relaxed visibly, draping over the unicorn no longer like a hold, but like a blanket. “Sorry, about that.”
“It’s no problem.” Twilight easily dismissed. “Anyways, do you think you know enough about the humans?”
“Wha?” Dash looked at the unicorn mare with crossed eyes, confused. But then she realized like a Sonic Rainboom what she was talking about. “Oh! Yeah, probably. At least, as long as these authors are as good as you say they are.”
“Well, you can be the judge of that.” Twilight let her horn guide the pages back to the rear of the book, passing large and dark words of varying fonts. The pegasus marked it down as just different sections of the book, like a new chapter to Daring Do. With a small pop, the unicorn’s magic cut out leaving the book open. The pages at the book’s end.
The first thing Dash’s eyes landed on were the titles of the section. Twilight was right. It did look scribbled, and hastily so. Botches of ink were dripped around it, written in some of the largest characters she had ever seen in a book, especially for one that was supposed to be for eggheads like Twilight to study. She couldn’t help but speak the title aloud.
“The Slender Man?”
“That’s who he is.” Twilight spoke from beside her. “The problem is, unlike all of these other stories, his don’t have an introduction of characters or plot. It’s just a collection of memos, diaries, and random clippings from papers that I’ve never heard of before.”
“Hate to break it to you Twi, but if the thing is fantasy, you probably wouldn’t have heard of them before.” The unicorn shook her head at the comment, letting her lavender locks beat against the pegasus. She hardly batted a feather in protest.
“Besides the point. I just want to be able to understand it.”
“Well… what do you know? I mean, you’re the smartest unicorn in Equestria. You must have gotten something out of these.” Dash let her hooves push the pages as her pink eyes continued to scan the words. Once again, the mare was right. It didn’t flow anything like a Daring Do book, let alone a novel for eggheads. It was about someone going into the woods, then a missing pony’s (person’s?) report, then ending with some dark ashen document with the words “No” scribbled all over it. The only way this would be able to scare any pony is if they had the fear of not knowing everything.
Bull’s eye for Twilight.
“So far the only confirmed physical characterizes of The Slender Man revolve around his stature and clothing.” Dash let her pink eyes rise to Twilight, who was looking up towards the window, rain beating across it still. A low rumble of thunder shook the tree, but it didn’t cause a jump in either mare.
“He stands at an impressive height of over eight feet tall. His fore and rear appendages are also elongated to incorrectly assigned rations with respect to a human’s anatomical structure. An average man will have an arm to torso ratio of 1.2 to 1.4, the arm being longer. The Slender Man is nearly double that at 2.1 to in some of these reports over 2.6, leaving his arms near his ankles. His legs experience a similar leap in ratio proportionality. Additionally, he only wears large black suits that are able to cover all of his appendages, minus the extremities on his hands.”
“Doesn’t sound really creepy yet.” Dash noted as the unicorn stopped to take a breath. Twilight gave a nod of agreement.
“True, but I’m guessing the next few parts are most key for doing that. The Slender Man possesses no facial characteristics at all. No eyes, nose, mouth, ears, just a blank white patch of skin.” Rainbow furrowed her brow in confusion. Twilight nodded towards the look. “Lastly, he can apparently generate black tendrils from his form as well, though none of the stories have any details about what they are meant to do exactly.”
“Well…” Dash started, one hoof on top of the other as she bit her lip. “It doesn’t sound like anything that would give me nightmares, but for a little kid, I can see how the thing might be a little scary. I mean, can you think of a pony like that.” Twilight gave a small giggle at the prospect.
“Oh yes, all the details would be the same.” She let her hoof wave in the air to match her high sarcastic tone. “Taller than the princess, no mane or tail, and without a cutie mark. We’d call him Slender Mare.”
“Mare?” Dash asked with a chuckle of her own. “I thought it was Slender Man. When did he lose his junk?” The pegasus was rolled to her side as the unicorn gave her a push, purple coat over the face darkened a shade at the same time.
“That’s disgusting Rainbow.” The words may have been harsh, but between the high voice and unmistakable bouts of laughter, the pegasus took it as a well-timed joke.
“Hey, you started it. Wonder why you wanted him to be a mare. Got any fantasies you wanna share with me?” Twilight tried, honestly tried, to shoot Dash with a hard look. But, it only ended up melting into a cackle of laughter.
Both friends found themselves laughing like foals on the bed of pillows, the patter of rain on the window and crackling wood in the hearth as the only sound to remind them that time still continued, that life still went on. Dash let out a pleasured sigh as the urge to laugh slowly faded away. Twilight did the same, letting her lavender eyes meet the pink gaze of Dash.
“Thanks Rainbow,” the unicorn spoke with the friendly tone she had only so recently learned how to give. “I needed that.”
“Hey, no problem,” the pegasus dismissed with a wave of her hoof. “Just ask Pinkie next time. You know, Laughter and all.” Her eyes drifted upwards, watching the darkened corners of the room’s ceiling. Shadows swayed left and right with the crackling fire. It was mesmerizing.
“I would, if she weren’t visiting her family.” Twilight rolled over on the bed of pillows herself, form lying on top of one of Rainbow’s out stretched wings. The pegasus spoke neither word nor grunt of disapproval. “She’s not the only one either.”
“Yeah, come to think of it, Fluttershy went with her, didn’t she?”
“She did, but I think that was more of an excuse to evade this storm than anything else.” A low rumble of thunder shook the home again, if only to remind them it was far from finished.
“She’s gonna have a hard time then, this thing is supposed to go from border to border.” Dash felt more than saw Twilight nodding in agreement. Her eyes were still enjoying the sights of the ceiling above her.
“She’s not the only one. I’m pretty sure Breaburn asked for Applejack to help him with the trees down in Appleloosa. Apple Bloom went with her.” The unicorn giggled lightly. “But I guess if any pony can handle an orchard by himself, it’ll be Big Macintosh.”
“Yeah, that dude can kick a tree down. This would have to be a twister to even make him break a sweat.” They both laughed together, Twilight rolling further until her head snuggled into the chest of Rainbow Dash. This time, the cyan mare raised a hoof to hold the unicorn closer to her. Twilight didn’t complain.
“Even Rarity left for Canterlot, with Sweetie Bell, but I think that has more to do with shopping than precipitation avoidance maneuvers.” The lavender mare felt Dash chuckle, chest rumbling in a softer, and far more relaxing, rhythm than the storm outside.
“Completely true, but that does remind me of something.” Silence followed her statement. Twilight lifted her upward, tilting it against the cyan coat that was warming her. When their eyes met, Dash finished her thought. “Where is Spike?”
“Oh, Princess Celestia wanted to see him.” The pegasus was about to ask why, clear as the rain outside given the way her muzzle opened, but the unicorn beat her to the punch. “After the whole running away thing with the dragons, we asked the princess if there was any information about him that she could find. We only recently received a letter about it. I’m sure he’ll be back soon. It’s not like a couple of days without my number one assistant are going to kill me.”
“Not as long as I’m here egghead.”
“Glad I can count on you, Loyalty.” Dash gave a sound between a snicker and a sigh.
“That has got to be the lamest nickname I’ve ever heard.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.” Twilight argued back without force, letting her eyes lull close against the comforting warmth of Dash’s chest. The pegasus did nothing to complain.
“Yeah, yeah.”
They let the breathing of one another calm their bodies, the tapping of the rain outside lulling them to sleep like a gentle breeze through a tree’s branches. The crackling of the fire kept their furry coats warm, endorsing the two to snuggle closer to one another, gentle giggling and chuckling with every move the other made.
It was almost like a game. A peaceful forceless game of dominance. But like all games, they came to an end. Twilight was lying once more over Rainbow’s chest, wing holding her close. A soft drumming of the pegasus’s heart lulling her to sleep like a mother’s lullaby.
“Hey Twi,” Dash called. The unicorn raised her head to see the pegasus holding the book of mythologies up to read. It was faint, subtle, like the shadows in the room that surrounded them, but Twilight knew what she saw across Rainbow’s face.
Fear.
“What’s wrong?” She asked, raising herself to a crouched position, instantly regretting the loss of warmth. She vocalized none of her wishes to return to the embrace.
“Just…” The voice caught in the pegasus’s throat. She swallowed a ball she didn’t know was there, meeting eyes with the unicorn still laying on her wing. “I-I think I found something.”
Her hooves turned the book over to Twilight, who lifted the bindings with her magic. On an open page, scribbled in the same near illegible ink and haste, was a poem the unicorn had yet to reach. It was nearly impossible to read, dried drop of some kind of clear liquid having been drizzled over the pages. She couldn’t shake the thought that they were tears.
Still, Twilight read on.
he has no reason
for what he does
leaving trails of bone and blood
without eyes he’ll watch and wait
he feels no love he feels no hate
taller than the trees he hides behind
he’ll never live he never died
he became in the shadows
he stalks the light
but they never saw him
even if it is bright
they think im insane
tHey ThINk im NoT RiGHt
and now im in the darkness
AlOne
without LiGHt.
BOOM!
Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle clung to each other with a force that could shatter stone.
“Hey Twi?”
“Yes?”
“I think I’m done for the night.”
“Same here.”
With a flash of lavender, the fire was extinguished.
The ponies were surrounded in darkness.
Imma pull a RWJ here and FIRST!! Ha, I win.
Also, great job bud. Though, I think I said that in the comments on the googledoc. Oh well, never hurts to say things twice.
1402884
How... how did you comment before this was approved?
1403734 Dude, you put it on your page. Did you not see the view count or box on your page with the stories in it. People other than me have been here too. That's why it's got 4 views. Like I said in the past, when I'm bored I rummage through people pages. Your's and The Grey Pegasus's mostly, but alot of random authors too. I was bound to see the box on your page. Understand?
1403776
I... yeah-but... approval?
1403786 You don't need approval to read a story. As long a chapter is published and there's a link to the page you can view it. If you didn't notice, yesterday I posted a blog for my story 'Octavia and Vinyl meet Nero's Day At Disneyland' and included a link for my followers to view it before it passed moderation. I actually thought you were one of those views, but with your confusion on this matter I guess not. Oh well, doesn't really matter.
1403806
No, I was, and by the time I read it, it was on the front page!
1403826 Yeah, about that. The mods have been so janky lately it's hard to tell how long you have to wait for a story to get approved. They should think about getting some more moderators of something 'cause with their slow and predictable story approving rates, what ever gets lucky enough to be one of the last approved gets to sit on the front page for like 6 or so hours, gaining exposure even if it's not a very good tale. That's just how this site is working at the moment. Oh well, what can ya do?
Also, opinion on my new story? So far it's looking like the people don't like it. It doesn't really matter to me how one of my stories do, I just like to know people do look forward to when I update it. If no one is looking forward for updates then I mine as well shut it down, like what I'm most likely going to do for the Nero's Day At Disneyland one since not a single person faved. That means no one would notice any updates, making continuing it pointless except for my own self-satisfaction. Which really isn't worth it in my opinion. So, what was your take on the story? Worth continuing or not?
P.S. I forgot to fave this and Progress so I'm doing that now.
So then, the second story of your challenge. Can you, oh wizard of words, live up to your name?
Hmmm... interesting.
I find it a little odd that the Equestrians have books dedicated to facets of our culture, particularly our modern culture. To the point where they have sections on the Slenderman Mythos. This isn't a Conversion Bureau fic is it?
I've always found Slenderman/mane/mare stories to be really disappointing. Slenderman is a scary monster for a couple of reasons, namely that he is subtly alien, and that we are helpless against him. Or, to put it more bluntly, he's scary because he digs right into the primal terror of helplessness, intellectual and physical. We cannot fight him. We cannot comprehend him. We can only run, with the knowledge that he has chosen us and will not relent, a light that numbs the mind instead of enlightens it.
The problem is that the Mane 6 are basically a high level DnD party. They deal with weird magic and evil world conquering threats every six months like clockwork. They've taken on Discord who, for all intents and purposes, is about on par with Cthulu for power-level and basically Nyarlathotep for six year old girls, so something like the Slenderman should, logically, be a peace of cake. Every time I've read a Slenderman story, I really had to ask myself why Twilight doesn't just pick up a tree and beat him to death with it. That feeling of helplessness and terror has to be there, and fridge logic has to be smothered. Keep that in mind when writing, while, at the same time, avoid giving us any answers. Twilight swats him with a weeping willow, and sends him flying into the forest... only for her to turn around to see him standing on the opposite end of the clearing, unharmed. Why? Who cares! Get the hell out of there.
Also, try to keep in mind what would make the Slenderman scary from the Pony's perspective. The trick of horror fiction, so I am told, is not to scare the audience, but to scare the characters and have the audience sympathize. Emphasize the... alien nature of the Slenderman. How it does not appear living. How it seems to ignore natural law like time and space without any overarching logic.
I really do hate to nag you on all of my misgivings and musings on the idea of a Slender x Ponies crossover... because I actually liked this. I think, as far as making him scary, you are doing a decent job so far. Better than the other Slenderfics I've read. The mood here is set up subtly and well. The storm. Twilight's frustration. The poem. These are all great mood pieces, and I think you may have grasped, at least intuitively, what I was talking about by focusing on character fear rather than audience fear. I think I may enjoy where this is going.
Now that I am done rambling on about the horror and the Slenderman, let us move on to the shipping... which I also liked. I think you have a good, friendly dynamic between Dash and Twilight for the most part. Although one thing I found really jarring was their sarcastic back and forth. I get that they were teasing, and I do stuff like that with my friends... it just didn't come off as cute or funny to me. It was... weird. Jarring. Also, I am having a little trouble telling if the two of them are in a relationship or not already. I don't think so... but they seem awfully fine snuggling and hugging and all that, and then there was that weird tension when Twi made fun of Dash for oggling the picture of a human.
Now that I have chewed your baby to pieces, I will say that, I am very interested where this will go, and despite my criticism, will keep an eye on her as she progresses. Keep up the potential you displayed and we might have a pretty good yarn hear.
1405301
Yeah, I understand the concern for having a monster being just "there" and hoping that the rest of the main cast is scared by it. I have considered that, which is why Slender Man is probably a more likely horror icon to appear in this universe over than, say, Freddy Krueger. Anyways, rest assured that "swatting him with a willow" will not be as effective as one would hope. I mean, if you've seen half the vids of him online, he doesn't exactly move like a human would...
Good to know I used the scenery and motifs well, because apparently, that's the only thing I did well on this story.
Hope I don't disappoint with this, at least further than I already have.
I am scared and alone right now.....0_0 I feel like crying this story is fucking scary.........they will die, i know it.....
Hate to break it to you bro, but my story already has this title. Maybe you could use something different?
1406000
I don't think you should have any fear of people referring to this over your story. Your's is far better written than mine.
1406085 Oh, thanks! I was just telling you because I think it's against the rules, but I might be remembering it wrong. If you don't change it, I don't think the mods will do anything drastic though.
all relatives and close friends away [√]
cutoff from outside world [√]
investigating more and more the monster [√]
1406174
Oh, it's not against the rules, at least not that I know. Provided, I'm not ACTIVELY trying to rip you off or something like that. If it was, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have approved it.
1405954>>1406511
1406611
stop scaring me......
1406000>>1406085 Nah, it's not against the rules. Mine had the name before you both. Seems we're still going strong. Anyways, don't have the time to read this now, but I'll give it a go later. Always up for some Slender.
SLeNdEr
Why is this getting disliked?
1410462
Honestly I wish I knew. But then, I wish I knew why all my stories have two or more dislikes, why first time writers can get the feature box and 200 watchers, why dicks like Aegis Shield get lime lights, and why some of the best stories on this sight are hidden in panels that I can't search for.
Basically it. Also, it might be because I have it tagged as dark. There is no dark fic without a dislike.
1410547
That to me is wrong. Also I fucking hate Aegis Shield, the egotistical overly-pretentious prick, you write way better fanfiction. Anyway enough circle jerking, I'm off to bed.
1405681
I don't know why you say you screwed up everything else: I was more or less telling you that I -like- this story despite my misgivings over the way the premise is often handled, and to give you some food for thought. My only real complaint was that I didn't find the teasing particularly cute or funny, but, eh, I really don't know how to improve that without sitting down and chewing this story for another hour.
Also... lots of hate for Aegis Shield. I mean, I really dislike What Princesses Need and what it has done to TwiLuna shipping as a whole... but, yeah, didn't know people actually hated the guy.
Huh.
Anyway, yeah, eagerly awaiting more.
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRXYY0DHLkmQEMN-NGXP7HVfSrabn6M7LGR5YlW4WYLJpWxA8WzBA
I dont think i can sleep now after that poem
The pegasus took notice, and was annoyance, instantly.
-I think you should get rid of the second comma and change it to annoyed instantly. That's just my opinion though.
Twilight brushed and snuggled closer
-Typo. Should be blushed. Unless you meant it that way?
So far this is awesome. But I couldn't really tell if there was any actually romantic relationship between Twi and RD, or just really heavy friend-shipping. The cuddling and back-and-forth banter was cute and enjoyable though.
If this is your first ever horror fic, then you are definitely doing something right. That last poem really got under my skin. Curse my stupidity for waiting until 10 PM to read this. It's gonna take me a while to fall asleep now.
I can't wait for more!
...I'm so glad I didn't read this last night...
2.bp.blogspot.com/-2bRL1hFrG1I/UC9jFvHNisI/AAAAAAAA06s/2w0ic5YQCMY/s1600/1.png
1423333 Oh shit...
th05.deviantart.net/fs70/150/i/2012/105/d/8/twilight_sparkle_scared_face_by_secretofmagic-d4wbpq9.png
More...Right now...more
i love slenderman in equestria fics
I am intrigued...
This is reader Coylie3 to Author, Author please respond.
Requesting tactical moar at this location, over.
Walkie-Talkies are still pretty fucking fun, over.
1...2 SLENDERS COMMIN FOR YOU 3...4 LOCK THE DOOR 5...6 LONG TENDRILS LIKE STICKS 7...8 TIME TO MEET YOUR FATE
I was beginning to thing that this was lame until that poem hit me... Excelent. Have a .
*slow clap* I enjoy, I enjoy a lot.
As was reading the poem at 9:47 at night i got the strangest feeling that there's something behind me and i just about cried. But then I recalled i have many hidden knifes under my desk, 2 Machetes in the closet,a .22 rifle with ammo, a wooden baseball bat, and many hammers and saws all in my room. Next thought "COME AT ME BRO!!!"1410547
So...Many...Typos...
1406511 I'm with you on this one.
Hers the moral lesson in slenderman (clears throat)"DON'T ASK QUESTIONS" you know what happens to the person who says"hmmm what was that?", in scary story's and game's THEY DIE!!!
Dat poem doh
:O
4031386 also never turn off the lights
5144394 I thought it was don't go wandering around a forest at night collecting notes?
5144394
That’s gonna be a huge electrical bill.
Wait...*Thinks of every grim-dark fic I've ever read*...Are they all real?