Did you even so much as skim back over this after you typed it out? The number of mistakes in just this first chapter is atrocious!

First off, I'm so far liking what I'm reading. That being said, you need edit this big time.

Man, the grammar and spelling are about as rough as I've ever seen.
Aside from that, I'm not sure if I like how everyone is throwing themselves at the protagonist.
I would also strongly recommend using some kind of separator (double blank lines or a horizontal line) to indicate time skips and scene shifts.

The following day, following his secretary instructions, Mark was escorted throw the castly by two guard as he was wearing his fanciest suit until he arrived to a ballroom where other mayors on their fanciest attiere were mingling and chanting with one another. On the far corners were table with small snacks and drink for them to enjoy before the real meal began.

through, castle, guards, in, attire, chatting, tables, drinks.

"The assemble will began in an hour, feel free to explore the premise and meet your per before that" One of the guards informs the human "The princesses aren't here yet so don't bother looking for them" He tells in an exausted tone, as to be familiar with this question haven ask and needed to be answer more than once to them.

assembly, begin, peers, being familiar, having been asked

"But of course, specially mares and ponies in our line of work, we all have been heard stories of the misterious human that won the hearts of the ponies in Canterlot, rose to the position of mayor and has been deligently working on improving the life of everyone" She put her finger on his chest and start to circle around "Specially the Thestral comunity after all that you have done for us"

told, mysterious, diligently , especially, community

"Mayor Hugger! Please show some restrain" Spectral intervine with some blush on her face "We after all civilized ponies just trying to have a normal conversation here"

intervened, We are after all

"By been a mayor?"

being

Getting the idea, Mark pull out his ticket and start looking for his seat only to get surprise when finding out that his chair was located next to Princess Luna's who inmediatly smile and wave at him to come closer. Wearing a dark blue formal sleeveless dress with a semi translucent blue veil that brings attention to her big H size cup breast and a silver choker encrusted with emeralds the princess of the night look as astonish as always, with an alluring air on her, with her flowing blue mane and tail and small black rimel on her beautiful green eyes "Ah mayor Mark, please by all means join us!"

pulled, started, surprised, astonishing, maschara or eyeliner, her eyes are more cyan than green.

"Greetings your majesty" Mark give her a small vow "Are you sure it ok for me to seat here, I was under the impression that I was suppose to…"

bow, it's, seated

Not wanting to be disrepctulf ,specially with what was at its core, his boss, Mark decided to comply and grab a seat moments before the banquet officially start and Twilight Sparkle herself announce the start of the assembly.

disrespectful, especially towards who

yeah, i got halfway through to being escorted 'throw' the 'castly' and gave up, there were a BUNCH of spelling/grammar errors before that, and while i'm not a stickler, it does ruin immersion

Concept: 7/10
Pacing 4/10
Spelling: 3/10
Grammar: 3/10

I recomend maybe going back through this, fix the spelling errors and slow it down.

Sigh... I enjoyd the first few lines and the setting, but the incredibly rough grammar and spelling is... Beyond words.

When using the third person form, you have to add an "s"

He reads. Not he read.
He listens. Not he listen.

Sadly, I have to leave a dislike. I urge you to take the fic down, use a spelling and grammar checker and reupload it with a fresh start. Because the plot seems interesting. Also this editor of yours... If there even is one... Don't continue using them as an editor

Apologies for the harshness of my initial criticism, but holy cow was that a doozy to read. I'd gotten about halfway through before I couldn't take it anymore. Thankfully you've taken the advice given by others, and it really shows. Speaking honestly though, actually being able to make out what's being conveyed this time around has shown me that this story isn't my cup of tea. Still, I felt the improved first chapter deserved both a fair shake and the praise of an excellent clean-up job. Good luck with your future endeavors, so nice to see your improvements, but I'm out.

Great first chapter

"What was that?" He asks, not hearing the last part.

What was that just now?

I- ugh, okay so this story while the concept initially interested me has too many glaring problems from the start. Grammatically it's fine and as seen the comments it's massively improved but my God, if there was a checklist for every MC anime harem trope then by God did you check every single one. I mean first of all, you put so much emphasis on how great Mark is, and by that just show glimpses of meetings and shit that seem so unrealistic, first the concept of the recycling orb or whatever, do you even understand the concept of the overall scale of introducing something that can destroy material like nothing? AND GIVE IT TO HUNGRY, GREEDY NOBLES LIKE YOU'VE DESCRIBED? The utter thought of making, then lending it to people of power is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I mean what if they don't use it for waste? What if they decided it's a great assassination method? Like by God that's just the easiest thought to have, and my God do you even understand berucracy? I won't pull this into you because you put the porn tag and clearly running of porn logic but, I initially thought that due to the concept porn was added later on so imagine my shock when you have us see Mark just add shit around apparently with just stamps of approval.

Okay onto the biggest gripes, MC suddenly just being thrown women left and right AND cannon characters that seem to clearly not make sense in the long run, I don't see an alternate tag so it doesn't make sense why ocelus is suddenly a mayor? Or Gallus for that fact and tree hugger? REALLY? Okay setting that aside the fact you've put emphasis on big boobs is really throwing me off and killing it for me story wise. Also really? Clueless MC? Like the enjoy the view thing and he basically saids, "wow what a flirt haha anyway-" and the not hearing last part trope with the girls clearly squirming for him. The obvious foreshadowing of a harem with tree hugger, and THE WORST GRIPE is the fact that the actual human, doesn't feel human.

Let me set this aside and break it down for you, humans are nice but also flawed, make mistakes and can have a lapse of judgement. Along the way of odd jobs and becoming mayor you don't think he'd make mistakes? And if you say obviously yes, then why wouldn't the news or reporters hone in on that whether paid to or not. There was clear indifference to Thestrals but human from another world completely alien to traditions? Nope that's totally fine, and the other characters just don't feel like real people as if one dimensional one notes. BUT I will say that's mostly due to this being in Mark's perceptive but I feel like it'll only be Mark's perceptive.

And just a small erk is when the bat mayor basically said, "You helping my kind is REALLY hot" which can uh, kinda rub people the wrong way...with the whole racism on the ponies part.... just saying before you give off the wrong impression of what you're trying to say there...

Romance is in the air, I'm loving the thestral love.

First time reading through this. A number of others have pointed out things I was going to, so I won't retread old ground. Here's a different gripe, instead: never describe a character's bust size in terms of cup size. One, that's not a fixed measurement, it's a proportional one, and therefore two 'D-cups' may be very different in size compared to one another (though still large compared to the body they're attached to), and two, that's not information someone would know, just like any other measurement, unless it's from the perspective of a character who actually possesses that knowledge. Much like how you could estimate that someone is about six feet tall, but not KNOW for sure without measuring. Like, the omniscient narrator likely knows what cup size the mares are, because the Narrator Knows All, but this is essentially from Mark's perspective- and unless he's a tailor, unlikely to know at a glance what size the mares' breasts are.

First of all, I want to say that I find it very funny that this comment 11261041 is right next to this one 11219294 , I got a good laugh out of it.

Moving on, I have to say that I like the concept and the beginning is good, but the part where every fucking creature with a vagina in this chapter (except for Celestia, Luna and Twilight) throws themselves on top of the main character seems a bit ridiculous to me, nothing I haven't seen, but not my cup of tea. I'm going to keep reading to see if anything else interesting happens.
What you wrote is pretty good, from a writing point of view.