Prologue
The great city of Tambelon stands dormant, forever watching over the desolate landscape. It is carved and melted down from the highest peak of the mountain with long-lost magic. What was once a radiant, prosperous city is now a nightmarish reflection of its former glory. Ugly and crooked, its towers stand like spears—piercing the heavens above. Its entrance is jagged, like a gaping maw, ready to swallow all who dare to enter the nightmarish city that it guards. Gigantic windowless openings, like dead eyes looking outward at the corrupted and poisoned lands, pierce its outer shell.
This is Emperor Grogar's stronghold. Built in ancient times, it was where Grogar ruled his glorious empire from his thorny chamber in the highest chamber of the Celestial Spike, the tallest tower in Tambelon.
Yet Tambelon is much more than what the eye can see. Its chambers and tunnels run deep, deep, into the flesh of the world. Giant halls and dungeons made of fire, ice and black obsidian are hidden from view. Columns and columns fade into darkness, towards the invisible domed ceilings of the crypts and chambers which Grogar’s armies once called home. Furnaces and forges, heated by the blood of the earth itself, are found in every corner. And down here, in the lowest halls at the bones of the earth, Grogar used forgotten magic and occult rituals to bring new creatures into the world—monsters—and released them to wreak havoc among his enemies.
When Grogar was defeated by the pony tribes, much of Tambelon was sent to the Dark Dimension, along with many of its inhabitants. And everything that wasn’t banished, the remaining underground fortress and its ruins, collapsed and buried its remaining inhabitants. But not all of the tunnels and halls have disappeared… some remain; untouched, undiscovered. We do not know what else can lurk in the bowels of Tambelon to this day, waiting for the return and the call of its Master.
Bray, a loyal companion of Grogar, became the Ruler of Tambelon after its unfortunate banishment. He had been searching for a way to free Tambelon for a long time, and finally, after centuries, he had found an Artifact that could help him send one Tambelonian to Equestria in order to find a way to free the once-proud city.
He stands at the window of the Celestial Spike and wonders if he should send his apprentice Cozy Glow to Equestria all alone. Would it be wiser to travel there himself? Would Cozy manage to cope with such a difficult task or would she ultimately fail the mission? Despite his worries, Bray has no doubt that Cozy was the best of his students. Although she is a Pegasus, she has a special ability to channel the power of magical artifacts, but then again, if she were to fail her mission, then the inhabitants of Tambelon would be doomed to eternal imprisonment in the Dark Dimension.
Every day, Bray looks back on his life before he became Grogar’s Loyal Number Two. Once upon a time, he was not a powerful magician, but rather an ordinary donkey without magic, who earned his living working as a jester on holidays for rich ponies.
He remembers how much contempt he felt for those miserable equines! He thought it was unfair that other creatures didn't have magic, yet they did—it fueled his hatred for all ponies.
But after the defeat of Grogar, when the army of Gusty the Great surrounded the city, he could have escaped and left behind the thousands of ponies that were held captive in the city, yet he decided to go with them to the Dark Dimension out of pity! And after so many years, his attitude towards them has improved… just a little.
Now they served him and Tambelon faithfully! He is especially fond of Cozy Glow, in whom he sees the Savior of Tambelon!
In his days of reminiscence, he remembered the day he joined Grogar and began to serve him; he never regretted his choice. Thanks to Grogar, he received magic, power, wealth, and everything he had only dreamed of!
Grogar was a powerful dark mage—a necromancer—who created monsters with the help of dark magic, and he captured a small town which was to soon become his capital city: Tambelon itself. Tribes of different creatures obeyed him, and he ruled with an iron hoof until his subjects started rebellion under the self-righteous Gusty the Great.
In its glory days, Tambelon was inhabited by many creatures: Troggles, Minotaurs, Arimaspis, Wyverns, Ophiotauri, Centaurs, Gargoyles, Ponies, Dragons, etc. All of them served for the good of Tambelon! Some were blacksmiths and artisans, while others were warriors and even generals!
The city was gargantuan; it was surrounded by a large stone wall and multiple watchtowers. Grogar's Palace and the Senate Building towered in the center of the city. Also in the city was a large library, where many books and scrolls were stored. Metals and precious stones were mined in the dungeons. Grain was grown as well in the surrounding farmland, but was not enough for the inhabitants; they were malnourished. There was also an observatory and schools in the city, in which the young Tambelonians studied magic and numerous other subjects.
Bray had always remembered when he last saw Grogar alive. That day, Grogar instructed him to send Tambelon to the Dark Dimension in the chance that his Bewitching Bell—a talisman of immense power—was lost. Bray did so, but at a cost—without his Bewitching Bell, Grogar was petrified in stone. How would he regain the Bell and free his master, he thought. He knew he would have to find out. Bray knew that Grogar would be free once more! And he was anticipating his return!
But even more than this, he is worried about Cozy Glow, and her difficult task on which the fate of every Tambelonian depends. It is only due to the fact that the miners stumbled upon a treasure trove in the dungeon which contained many artifacts that belonged to Grogar that he is even able to send her on this mission. The clever emperor ensured that these artifacts were hidden in the dungeon in case the city fell, so that they would not fall into the hooves of Tambelon's enemies. Among them were the Rainbow of Darkness; with the help of this artifact, Grogar created various monsters, and the Crystal Ball, which allowed him to observe his creations. There are numerous artifacts, but there is not the one Bray was searching for: The Bell.
The Bell cannot be destroyed, so the ponies had most likely hidden it in a hard-to-reach place. He has yet to find out exactly where, but he is close; with the help of the Bell he can free Grogar and take over Equestria once more!
He is ever so close to resurrecting the Empire of Tambelon, but it all depends on Cozy Glow and her task, for even one small mistake would seal the fates of Tambelon and everyone in it.
Bray moved away from the window when he heard a knock on the door. “Enter,” he commanded.
Instantly, the door opened and Cozy Glow entered the room. She was wearing a black cloak with the symbol of Tambelon on its side. She had a curly blue mane and tail, with bows on almost every curl. She approached Bray and bowed to him.
''As I am sure you are aware, I am sending you to Equestria to find the Bewitching Bell and then return it here, to me.''
''Yes, Master Bray. I won't let you down,'' Cozy assured confidently.
''You are to gain their trust and then steal the magical artifacts required for the Ritual of Attrition.
Drain the magic of the Equestrians and send it here, do you understand?”
Cozy smiled at him. “Alright, Master. I will take their magic so we can be free! We will take our revenge on Equestria for imprisoning our glorious city.”
Bray chuckled. “Well, in that case, let's not delay. Have you packed your things?”
“Yes, everything I need!”
Bray used an Amulet which he received from the miners to open a portal in the middle of the room.
Cozy placed her bags on both sides of her cloak and walked up to Bray, hugging him. “I will not let you down,” she said.
“See to it that you don’t.” He frowned when he saw the portal slowly shrinking. “The portal is closing! Go!”
Nodding, Cozy Glow quickly ran for the portal before jumping through it. Staring at the location from which she jumped, he frowned. “Complete this mission, Cozy Glow,” he whispered under his breath, “for the fate of our very society depends on it.”
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Why did you put this story on hiatus after only one chapter?
11174607
might be just to see the reaction?
also that little tidbit about wanting a co-author?
A story from Tambelon... not a bad idea.
11175271
I'm glad you liked it! I hope to find a Contributor to continue this story!
11175280
I don't really have time to be a co-author but I like reviewing stories and brainstorming stuff for them be it super powers, setting, architectures, etc. I am mostly horrible with spelling and correcting grammar mistakes.
What do you have in mind for this story? What would be the genre or the goal for it? Do you want it to be a Evil SIM City Builder? A story about managing an evil city? The adventure of Cozy Glow? About the return out of that dimension? An army and conquest story?
11175294
I wanted to say that the sequel will not work! For a whole month I have not found a single writer! no one will waste their time on this story! But at least I wrote the Prologue, this story can be ended! .
11175317
At least you put your thoughts on paper, many don't even do that. Maybe if you developed it some more, flesh it out and establish a story line, a goal and what sub-plot you want, you might attract a writers.
Maybe instead a whole monolog, you could had Bray talk with a council who explains the current situation of various affairs on the kingdom while he look into his memory about the various subjects. That way your exposition will be more fleshed out with a cast to support it.
An interesting storyline, I must say. If you want a proofreader, collaborator, or co-author, I may be of service.
It is written, quite well. What you need for a Prologue. World building is normal. Of course, you can add something and fix it in some places, but for your first fanfiction, this is a good result.
I would add this music track at the beginning, to create an atmospheric effect.
But this track will fit the final scene. Here, by the way, is the final scene, this is what I am dissatisfied with, provided that I have already told you my opinion before the release of this story to the public.
There is clearly a lack of a more lively and detailed dialogue. From the first minutes, you can show the role of Cozy Glow a little better. Otherwise, her answers look like she's a Robot! It doesn't feel like she's a living character.
What can be an interesting adventure if there are no dangers and spectacular scenes in it? The absence of Red marks and the "E" rating, this is what does not arouse my interest. But this is my personal opinion, and only my personal preference.
Loving the start here with this change in Cozy's past (Which still wish show did something there.) quite curious/excited to see where you take this. :)
Curious on how this will go.
How would the Royal Sisters be handled? Since they were done pretty poorly in season 9.
Especially Luna's case..
How Spike would be handled too?
11185044
The main character will be Cozy Glow
11185055
I know that but how would the Royal Sisters and Spike be handled too?
11185062
Don't understand the question! They won't play a big role in the plot!
11185068
That's really disappointing..
Especially for Spike's case since its another case of he's excluded hard since he's not one of the "chosen ones"(the Element Bearers)..
11185070
I just don't know what to think of for these characters to play a meaningful role in the plot! They have nothing to do with Cozy Glow.
11185079
If the Mane 6 are involved(according to the tags) meaning they have something to do with Cozy Glow, wouldn't Spike do so too?
Since the only thing the Mane 6 have with her is she went to their school and deceived them.
Spike also worked at the school like the Mane 6 were(heck, he was with the Mane 6 when Cozy Glow had them go to Tartarus with a lie as part of her plaln in School Raze)
11185081
I understand you, but there is no connection between Spike and Cozy Glow in the show. They are just enemies and that's it! The story will talk about the motives and backstory of the Cozy Glow as well as the history of Tambelon how Spike can play some role in what is happening?.
11185096
Then why is the Mane 6 involved then?
Since they have no connection to her as well, just enemies.
So only in this fic is just showing her backstory and Tamberlone's backstory?
So there's multiple stories in store?
>>No more stories! Mane6 will be in this story! How do you like my idea of Spike's egg got to Equestria from Tambelon? Cozy Glow will become a close friend of Spike and help him find his parents?.
11185118
good idea
11185118
That's interesting.
Also didn't notice the reply since it ended up not directed at me apparently. I didn't get the notification.
11186560
I just now noticed that it was not you who answered me It is very strange that another user answered
Nice start to this story. I’m interested to see where this is going.
11185118
This idea is awesome!
so, where next chapter?
I think this has potenitial, keep up the good work.
where new chapter?
11239224
Unfortunately it won't come out
This is amazing
Interesting so far. I'm getting Isengard vibes off Tambelon. I feel like this music really compliments the scene.
I've been working on my own headcanon for Grogar and Bray lately and I'm very interested seeing how the 'genuine' Grogar is interpreted on Fimfiction.
See here for details if you're interested.
Looking forward to seeing how this plays out.
Well, he's inclusive, I'll give him that.
Although it might be like Sergeant Hartmann in that Grogar is free of racial bigotry because in his eyes, all creatures are equally worthless.
11329678
you plan to write your own story? If so then create a topic in the group
This is a well-written prologue.