I'm only interested in two characters. It's Grogar and Cozy Glow!
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Tambelon The ancient capital of Equestria is now locked in the Dark Dimension but its inhabitants are waiting for the day when they can return to Equestria!. Shave Grogar's right hoof has become the Ruler of the City. He intends to send his apprentice Cozy Glow to Equestria with an important task on which the fate of Tambelon depends!.
AlphaWerePlayer co-author
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Why did you put this story on hiatus after only one chapter?
11174607
might be just to see the reaction?
also that little tidbit about wanting a co-author?
A story from Tambelon... not a bad idea.
11175271
I'm glad you liked it! I hope to find a Contributor to continue this story!
11175280
I don't really have time to be a co-author but I like reviewing stories and brainstorming stuff for them be it super powers, setting, architectures, etc. I am mostly horrible with spelling and correcting grammar mistakes.
What do you have in mind for this story? What would be the genre or the goal for it? Do you want it to be a Evil SIM City Builder? A story about managing an evil city? The adventure of Cozy Glow? About the return out of that dimension? An army and conquest story?
11175294
I wanted to say that the sequel will not work! For a whole month I have not found a single writer! no one will waste their time on this story! But at least I wrote the Prologue, this story can be ended! .
11175317
At least you put your thoughts on paper, many don't even do that. Maybe if you developed it some more, flesh it out and establish a story line, a goal and what sub-plot you want, you might attract a writers.
Maybe instead a whole monolog, you could had Bray talk with a council who explains the current situation of various affairs on the kingdom while he look into his memory about the various subjects. That way your exposition will be more fleshed out with a cast to support it.
An interesting storyline, I must say. If you want a proofreader, collaborator, or co-author, I may be of service.
It is written, quite well. What you need for a Prologue. World building is normal. Of course, you can add something and fix it in some places, but for your first fanfiction, this is a good result.
I would add this music track at the beginning, to create an atmospheric effect.
But this track will fit the final scene. Here, by the way, is the final scene, this is what I am dissatisfied with, provided that I have already told you my opinion before the release of this story to the public.
There is clearly a lack of a more lively and detailed dialogue. From the first minutes, you can show the role of Cozy Glow a little better. Otherwise, her answers look like she's a Robot! It doesn't feel like she's a living character.
What can be an interesting adventure if there are no dangers and spectacular scenes in it? The absence of Red marks and the "E" rating, this is what does not arouse my interest. But this is my personal opinion, and only my personal preference.
Loving the start here with this change in Cozy's past (Which still wish show did something there.) quite curious/excited to see where you take this. :)
Curious on how this will go.
How would the Royal Sisters be handled? Since they were done pretty poorly in season 9.
Especially Luna's case..
How Spike would be handled too?
11185044
The main character will be Cozy Glow
11185055
I know that but how would the Royal Sisters and Spike be handled too?
11185062
Don't understand the question! They won't play a big role in the plot!
11185068
That's really disappointing..
Especially for Spike's case since its another case of he's excluded hard since he's not one of the "chosen ones"(the Element Bearers)..
11185070
I just don't know what to think of for these characters to play a meaningful role in the plot! They have nothing to do with Cozy Glow.
11185079
If the Mane 6 are involved(according to the tags) meaning they have something to do with Cozy Glow, wouldn't Spike do so too?
Since the only thing the Mane 6 have with her is she went to their school and deceived them.
Spike also worked at the school like the Mane 6 were(heck, he was with the Mane 6 when Cozy Glow had them go to Tartarus with a lie as part of her plaln in School Raze)
11185081
I understand you, but there is no connection between Spike and Cozy Glow in the show. They are just enemies and that's it! The story will talk about the motives and backstory of the Cozy Glow as well as the history of Tambelon how Spike can play some role in what is happening?.
11185096
Then why is the Mane 6 involved then?
Since they have no connection to her as well, just enemies.
So only in this fic is just showing her backstory and Tamberlone's backstory?
So there's multiple stories in store?
>>No more stories! Mane6 will be in this story! How do you like my idea of Spike's egg got to Equestria from Tambelon? Cozy Glow will become a close friend of Spike and help him find his parents?.
11185118
good idea
11185118
That's interesting.
Also didn't notice the reply since it ended up not directed at me apparently. I didn't get the notification.
11186560
I just now noticed that it was not you who answered me It is very strange that another user answered
Nice start to this story. I’m interested to see where this is going.
11185118
This idea is awesome!
so, where next chapter?
I think this has potenitial, keep up the good work.
where new chapter?
11239224
Unfortunately it won't come out
So this is a backstory for cannon Cozy Glow?
Not a AU?
Carry on!
I think you missed putting something here?
11269909
it's an alternative! my co-author left me so i had to write this chapter myself so few shortcomings i will try to write better in the next chapters
11269979
Not a problem! We've all been there! If you want to add something post edit, I'd doubt anyone would mind.
This is amazing
Please can you I love this story so much.
11321551
Tell your friends about this story i need at least 10 readers
11321528
I only needed one day
First of all, English is not my mother tongue so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors in my comment (I blame everything on Google translate)
Well, some time ago I commented on a possible development for the relationship between Cozy and Grogar in a forum that you made a long time ago:
The story would be better taking Cozy Glow as Grogar's adopted daughter, my version is that Grogar was once a good king along with his wife Rosanna, ruling over those who were despised by the ponies (cows, donkeys, goats, etc) and seeing that his subjects suffered he had to take action against the ponies, which they did not like since at that time they were considered a superior race, then a pony murders his wife causing him to go into a frenzy of rage turning him in the father of monsters , and the pony that murdered his queen is none other than the husband of Gusty the great, Grogar murders him in revenge and Gusty, not knowing the truth, thinks that Grogar is evil and goes for his bell, while Cozy tries to ask Starwilrd for help in order to save her father.....but it is already too late and in one last act of kindness, Grogar sends Cozy to the future thinking that by that time he would have already won and done of Ponyland (Equestria) a better place to the other races.
Another possible idea would be to add Chrysalis to the story to a lesser extent, due to the fact that Flutter Ponies and changelings are related in some way. My theory is that like in the show, the Flutter Ponies join the battle against the Smooze but this battle ends up being bloodier than expected, Rosedust (Queen of the Flutter Ponies) and all her subjects who participated are infected due to a mysterious illness caused by the remnants of the Smooze, she goes with the other races in search of help but they allege them for fear of catching it and in a last desperate act Rosedust asks Grogar for help and he turns them into changelings (not he is known as the father of the monsters for nothing) and as time goes by Rosedust's daughter is born who is none other than Chrysalis, and Chrysalis upon hearing the origin of her species gives birth to a hatred for all other races.
You could also use G1 locations for certain scenarios in your story like Flutter Valley or the Midnight Castle.
11326379
Dang! Nice tragic origins. How would the Mane Six feel when they learn the tragic truth of both villains?
What will be shown next?
11327525
a lot of interesting things I'll try to post chapter 3 tomorrow
11327527
Ok
Interesting so far. I'm getting Isengard vibes off Tambelon. I feel like this music really compliments the scene.
I've been working on my own headcanon for Grogar and Bray lately and I'm very interested seeing how the 'genuine' Grogar is interpreted on Fimfiction.
See here for details if you're interested.
Looking forward to seeing how this plays out.
Well, he's inclusive, I'll give him that.
Although it might be like Sergeant Hartmann in that Grogar is free of racial bigotry because in his eyes, all creatures are equally worthless.
11329678
you plan to write your own story? If so then create a topic in the group
For a while I have been wondering about Cozy Glow's origin story. I tried finding one on the site, but I couldn't. Maybe I didn't look hard enough, but who knows. This one seems it might be what I have been searching for. I like it so far and I guess we shall see how it goes on.
It seems it might be e bit different then in the show. Mainly because Main 6 are in the tags and yet not a single CMC is tagged.
This is a well-written prologue.