Planeswalkers, pony and otherwise, are often confused by certain parts of the worlds they visit. Ravnica, the plane-spanning city of guilds, has a lot to unpack in that regard, no part of it more notorious than the Cult of Rakdos.
One key thing to remember about the Cult of Rakdos is that… well, it's a cult. To Rakdos. Who, it cannot be overstated, is an archdemon. The Lord of Riots, the Defiler, the Final Curtain, and other such tasteful sobriquets he’s acquired through millennia of doing exactly what one might expect given those epithets.
The other thing to remember about the Cult is that it is still one of the ten pillars that keeps society on the world of Ravnica standing. In every iteration of the Guildpact, the Cult has been assigned such necessities as mining, the service industry ranging from catering to assassinations, and of course, entertainment. Not just placating the demon and keeping him dormant (or at least amused) in his semi-molten dungeon-palace of Rix Maadi, but also bringing joy and excitement to all the people of Ravnica.
Some people might insist that they prefer their joy and excitement with less blood and sharpened wrought iron, but the revues and other clubs still sell out on a consistent basis.
That's all well and good, says the tourist, but the theory's hard to bear in mind when an unscheduled parade explodes half of Foundry Street. Moreover, they add, there's the question of ponies' involvement in the guild. Ponies throughout the Multiverse are renowned for their empathy, sense of community, and general geniality. And then there are the blood-streaked, cackling revelers with more piercings than sense, cavorting in those horrific spectacles like they were a townwide musical number in a much more idyllic plane.
The best way to understand the Cult, especially how the ponies of Ravnica fit into it, is to consider one recent conversation between two friends.
“Does it not ever bother you,” said Rarity to Pinkie Pie one day at their usual cafe, “all the gore and flames and general havoc? You’ve always struck me as such a sweet mare, and I just don’t understand how you can bear to put up with that sort of thing every night, much less manage it all.”
Pinkie tilted her head and offered a lopsided grin. “Well, yeah. You’ve lived in the lap of luxury your whole life.”
Rarity gave that a narrow look over her wineglass. “And had to work off every zib.”
“Sure, sure." Pinkie paused to take a draw from her mug, which was filled with what she called "punch" and that the narrator refuses to examine in any greater detail. "But you still grew up with money up to your eyeballs in the mansion of one of the most important people in the world. Who, you know, has already lived a lot longer than humans usually do.”
“Miss Karlov has been blessed with considerable longevity, yes. I still grew up in the servants' quarters until I was old enough to be of use to her. I fail to see how that is any more relevant to your job than her bank balance.”
“Like I said, most humans—and ponies, and viashino, and especially goblins—haven’t been blessed that way. Death comes for all of us in time.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I was raised by ghosts more often than the living, Pinkie. I’m the last mare who needs to be reminded of that.”
“Yeah, but that inevitability is what makes life precious. And knowing that your bomb-juggling tightrope act over lava could end in a disaster folks will be talking about all week…" Pinkie trailed off and sighed, her smile much more sedate than her usual manic grin. "You get to go out knowing that you took everything life had to offer until it had to cut you off. You go without regrets.”
That prompted a hint of a smirk. “Other than ‘Dear me, I wish I hadn’t lost my balance,’ I assume.”
Pinkie giggle-snorted at that for several seconds before she could gather herself. “Yeah, other than that. It’s all part of the deeper Rakdos philosophy.”
Rarity silently stared at her for the better part of a minute.
“What?”
“I’m just astonished you were able to say that last part with a straight face.”
“I was being serious!" Pinkie pouted, then paused. "Well, mostly.”
“Pinkie, you are one of the most intelligent Rakdos members I’ve ever seen, and yet I am entirely convinced that you never graduated kindergarten. You’ll pardon me if I don’t put much stock in your philosophers.”
“Sounds like somepony needs to take another trip to the Pinkie Revue.”
“As long as you don’t make me sit in the…" Rarity shuddered at the memory. "Urgh, ‘splash zone’ again. Acid stains are impossible to get out of the surviving fabric.”
The manic grin made its triumphant return. “No promises!”
And Rarity still smiled, because Pinkie was her friend, and life was all the more precious for it.
Pinkie can be a very understanding mare as long as She Is Respected.
Rakdos!Pinkie is a very interesting Pinkie indeed
Inside Baseball Alert: With the Rakdos having leaned much harder into their status as entertainment, the Simic and Dimir having been massacred until only the ones with some form of sense remained, and the Gruul having forcibly created a wilderness to govern, the Orzhov are the only ones left standing in the "Worst people on Ravnica" competition. Combine all that with the fact that the half of the guilds I didn't name could more accurately be said to have a few good apples, and you have the reason that Rarity being apparently born into slavery barely phases me at all. Suffice to say that her masters are independently overdue for an unkillable dude with a whip of cords and Gideon is currently unavailable (Ravnica is basically the only plane other than his home one with something resembling a confirmed afterlife, so that isn't quite the comedic understatement you might expect).
Oh, these prompts.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/980824/february-march-updates-art-dump
I wonder what the prompt intended to mean by Classic Guild Character.
There's also how Pinkie's audience is all willing and stuff. She built it and hired and stuff and she just made a supply to fill the demand. And she's a good supplier. Possibly even the best of Rakdos. There's way worse out there.
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This was initially designed for my college's Writer's Guild -- when I decided to post it up, I neglected to change that prompt. It was initially meant to refer to one of our standard meme characters, like "three kids in a trenchcoat" or "Jacob the Lamb (all praise)", but I must say, I quite enjoy this interpretation as well!
I really should respond to some of these comments...
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Pinkie's tastes are best left unexamined. Rakdos!Pinkie doubly so.
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But still a Pinkie. She wants to make everyone smile; it's just that on a world as crowded as Ravnica, she needs to let ponies come to her.
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Rarity's specific circumstances in this continuity are being sold into servitude from birth to pay off her parents' debt. She does get paid, but she has to work off their debt and the cost of her upbringing first. Still, she's working for Teysa Karlov, so it could be a lot worse. And after Kaya runs roughshod over the Syndicate, somepony's got to be there to pick up the pieces...
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Wherever there are frowns, she'll be there. Wherever there is boredom, she'll be there. Wherever there is candy, she'll be there even quicker!
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Darn, I wish I knew three kids in a trenchcoat were an option. I could have had fun with the Crusaders. Still, I'm pleased with what I got out of this one, and the whole series. Thanks for providing the inspiration!
Damn. This was hilarious. I love your narrator voice. Shades of Douglass Adams and Pratchett, but still unique .
Love Ravnica. Love a lot of MTG Lore actually, but Ravnica just stands out for its uniqueness where fantasy settings can fall into tropes (with good reason. Tropes work.) Somehow Rakdos Pinkie feels right. As does Ozhov Rarity.
Fluttershy Sylesnia seems like a shoe in, as does Boros Rainbow. Applejack is hard to place. She strikes me as a guildless to be honest. Or maybe Dimir. Because she seems like the last person to be a Dimir. Which is the point. Golgari maybe. Or maybe sylesnia (and fluttershy borrows her animal friends in a more horrific way Simic style.) Twilight seems like either Izzet or Azorious. Being Niv-Mizzets Faithful student would produce a very different plot.
I didn't know how much I needed MTG Crossover.
Sunset on Theros (And having *opinions* on their resident Sun deity). Starlight guest lecturing at Strixhaven. Spike accidentally time travelling with Sarkhan and challenging his notions on whether *All* Dragons are worthy of worship... I can imagine spike accidentally starting a faction on Tarkir.
Sombra messing around on innistrad. Flim and Flam accidental revolutions on Kaladesh.
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Hi, I'm FanOfMostEverything. I've done a lot of FiMtG crossovers over the years. One is linked in this chapter's author's note. You can browse that part of my catalogue, but full disclosure, my style has improved considerably since the early stuff.
You may also be interested in Friendship is Card Games, my weekly blog where I take a piece of pony media and turn it into twenty or so Magic cards. As the date and size of the index page indicates, I've been doing that for a while too.
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Indeed, its title is "The Implicit Neighs" and FoME has already written it. The link is in the author's note for this chapter, as he already noted.