Not My Little Diamond

by MagerBlutooth

I Don't Know

Chpt. 8 - I Don’t Know

Sunday, March 30

Dear Princess Celestia,

It feels like just yesterday that you assigned my friends and I this great responsibility of watching over the Elements of Harmony. I find it hard to believe that it's already been a week since then, but I suppose time flies when the world's on your shoulders. More to the point, I am pleased to report that there have been no new developments in Ponyville, and though I have still yet to see any signs of a force prepared to abscond with them, I can promise you that my friends and I will continue to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. I apologize for the lack of detail in yesterday’s letter, and to atone for it, I have attached an organized, seven-page report detailing all goings-on in Ponyville taking place over the course of the previous two days. I’m sure you will be very pleased at the amount of particularity I put into it as you look over it in its entirety. Rest assured, there’s still no cause for concern. My friends and I will not let you down!

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

Spike released a magical, green flame from his mouth, causing the letter he held in his claw to vanish into thin air.

"All right, Spike. Now let’s get to work on preparing tomorrow’s letter," Twilight stated, carefully heading down to the first floor, ensuring the crown on her head remained firmly in place as she held it still with her magic.

Spike groaned, disappointed that he wouldn't be able to take the long-deserved break he was hoping for. He reluctantly followed her downstairs, ready to once again share his thoughts about their defensive tactics.

"Twilight, are you sure you’re not going a little overboard with all this?"

"Overboard?" Twilight gasped. "Spike, do you have any idea what it would mean if something were to happen to the Elements of Harmony? If we’re faced with another major threat to Equestria, we’d be completely defenseless!"

"I know, but…you haven’t even left the library since you got back from Canterlot. Don’t you want to go outside?"

"I can’t go outside, Spike! You know what happens outside, don’t you?" Twilight looked out the nearby window to see a group of fillies jumping rope right outside of it.

Spike walked over to see what his purple friend was looking at, also noticing the carefree young ponies. "Uh…rope burn?" he guessed.

"Floods!" Twilight shouted with enough force to knock the dragon onto his back. "Hurricanes! Avalanches! Volcanoes! Chimeras!" Her pupils shrank and her ears fell flat as she thought of another possibility. "Petty. Theft."

Spike dusted himself off from being knocked over. "But you don’t have to worry about your crown being stolen, Twilight. Nopony else can even see it right now. Wasn’t the point of that spell to let you live like you normally do?"

"The point of that spell was to prevent whoever wrote that letter to the princess from finding out where the Elements really are, and even though nopony can see my crown right now, that doesn’t mean I can’t lose it or misplace it by being careless. This is probably the single most important task the princess has ever asked of me, and I intend to be responsible about it."

"But can’t you find a way to be responsible and still have a life?"

Twilight patted the dragon’s head as she walked past. "Don’t worry, Spike. I’ll have plenty of time to have a life as soon as this next week is over."

"Great," Spike stated flatly. He knew that this would be the longest week of his life considering the previous one had just recently broken that record.

"Now, speaking of that letter, did you get the snitchsage I asked for?" she asked, walking over to the wooden, circular table in the center of the room.

"Right here," Spike replied, holding up a jar containing a crudely-plucked purple flower with the roots still attached.

Twilight opened the jar with her magic and pulled the flower out of it. "Excellent! Now let's see if this will work." She grabbed the infamous letter off the table, its presence silently reminding her of the despair that was looming over them all.

"What did you need that flower for anyway? Needed to brighten up the room or something?" he joked as he too approached the table.

"Not quite, Spike. I’ve been reading this book on investigating mysterious objects, and it claims that the pollen from snitchsage is the easiest way to make magicprints appear."

"Magicprints?" Spike asked, scratching his head in confusion.

"They’re a bit arcane, I know. I’m scarcely familiar with them myself. The book describes them as special markings left on anything that’s been touched by some form of magic."

"You mean like magical hoofprints or clawprints?"

"Something like that, but magicprints are a bit...stickier. Once they get on something, nothing can ever remove them, not even magic."

"But I’ve seen you use magic on stuff all the time, and I’ve never seen any prints or anything before."

"That’s because they normally exist outside the visible color spectrum."

"They…wha?" Spike gave the unicorn a strange look.

"It means they’re usually invisible," Twilight replied with a hint of irritation in her voice. "It normally takes a very complicated spell to even be able to see them, but if this book is accurate, the snitchsage should make that task much easier."

"Okay, but aren’t you trying to figure out who wrote that letter? How will seeing the magicprints on it help us?"

"Simple, Spike. No two magicprints are the same. The creature who wrote this letter must have a lot of magic if it’s really as powerful as we anticipate, so it probably used magic on the letter at some point between writing it and delivering it. That means if we can find some magicprints on this letter…"

"Oh, I get it! Then all we have to do is find out who those magicprints belong to, and we’ll know who wrote the letter!"

"Exactly," Twilight affirmed as she carefully levitated the flower directly above the letter.

"But wait a second," Spike interjected before Twilight could begin. "You said not even Princess Celestia knew who wrote this letter. Even if we find their magicprints, where do we even start looking for them?"

"We’ll worry about that in a minute. Right now, let’s focus on finding out what the magicprints on this letter look like." Twilight shook the flower with her magic, making tiny specks of pollen gently fall onto the paper resting on the table. Almost immediately, three different sets of narrow, curly lines began appearing all over the page, each one made up of two distinct colors. One set was pink with purple swirls, another was white with bright gold stripes, and the last was a checkered pattern of blue and gray.

"Hey, it worked!" Spike shouted excitedly. "I see three different magicprints on here. Is one of them yours?"

"That’s right, Spike. The purple one’s mine, and the golden one belongs to Princess Celestia. Understandable since she used her magic to hold it as well."

"Then what about the other one? Whose magicprints are blue and silver?"

Rather than answer Spike’s question, Twilight slammed a large book about twice the size of a dictionary on the table next to the letter, almost knocking Spike off balance again. "This book lists the color schemes for the magicprints of every known magical creature in Equestria. It should tell us who that other set belongs to."

"Every single one? Where did you get that?" Spike asked as Twilight opened the large book to the first page.

"It was under ‘M’. Now let’s not waste any more time." Twilight immediately began flipping through the pages at a speed only a librarian could possess. After going through about seventy-eight pages, a grin appeared on her face, and she slammed her hoof onto the page with tremendous force.

"Got it!" she celebrated, sliding her hoof across the lengthy dotted line to see the name directly across from it. "It belongs to…Standing Still."

"Standing Still? Who’s that?"

"It’s one of the princess’s guards," Twilight replied, her grin slowly fading from her face.

Spike jumped up onto the table to get a better view. "Aha! So he was the one who wrote the letter!" He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Some guard he turned out to be."

"I don’t think he wrote it, Spike," Twilight doubted. "The princess said one of her guards was the one who originally found the letter and gave it to her. After seeing this, I’m thinking that guard was Standing Still."

"But…then wait a second." He grabbed the letter and looked it over again, flipping it over to check the back as well. "There aren’t any more magicprints on the letter! What does that mean?"

Twilight frowned. "This can only mean one thing, Spike. Whoever wrote this letter didn’t use any magic to write it, send it, or even hold it."

"What? That’s crazy! I mean, writing it and holding it, sure, even I can do that, but how do you make a letter appear from nowhere without using something like my fire breath or one of your teleport spells?"

"I have no idea, Spike, but it seems the princess was right for us to be concerned about this threat. This is my fifteenth attempt to figure out who or even what this creature is, and I still haven’t learned a thing about its identity. It seems that this "friend" of the princess isn’t exactly the approachable type."

"So, now what do we do?"

"There’s only one thing we can do: report our findings to the princess. So let’s get back to work on that letter!" Twilight immediately closed the gigantic book with her magic and walked over to place it back onto the bookshelf.

"Aw, come on, Twilight. We’ve been at this for a week already. Can’t we just take a break? Just a short one?"

Twilight twirled around and zipped back over towards Spike, placing her nose right against his. "A break? We just find out this thing can make things appear out of thin air using some power other than magic and you want to take a break?"

Spike, intimidated by his friend’s sudden disregard for his personal space, meekly replied, "Uh...yes?" He cracked a smile, desperately hoping that Twilight wasn’t about to go on another rant.

"Do I need to remind you that these are the Elements of Harmony we’re watching over here? Whatever wrote this letter made it very clear that it’s going to take them sometime before these two weeks are over unless we do something about it. I sincerely doubt that thing’s taking any breaks, and if we do, that’ll just be another advantage it’ll have over us."

Spike tried to say something, but he couldn’t halt Twilight’s momentum as she began pacing around the room.

"If the Elements get stolen, we can practically kiss all of Equestria good-bye. Can you imagine what would happen if we allowed that just because we were slacking off?"

"But I don’t think—"

"Oh, I’m sorry, Princess Celestia. I know we doomed Equestria and all its inhabitants forever through sheer and utter negligence, but we were just taking a break. I’m sure you understand."

"But Twilight, my claw is killing me!" Spike groaned. "Can’t we just relax for like an hour or so?"

"It’s out of the question, Spike. If we take a break now, we might as well just fork over the Elements and save us all the trouble."

"How about just five minutes?" he asked in a last ditch effort to get even a small chance to rest.

"I said no!" Twilight shouted, slamming her hoof on the table in a sudden burst of rage and propelling Spike off the side of it. He collided with the wall as Twilight menacingly turned toward him, her eyes gleaming as she tried to catch her breath from her spontaneous outburst.

Then she blinked and put her hoof to her head, groaning softly and closing one of her eyes. Calming down, she looked back at her utterly disturbed assistant with remorse. "I’m sorry, Spike. All this stress must be getting to me."

Spike slowly got back on his feet, his eyes shimmering with concern. "Twilight, don’t you see? You need to take a break. It’s just not healthy to work this long without one."

Twilight rubbed her head, trying to soothe her new splitting headache. "I just can’t do that, Spike. There’s still another week left to guard the Elements of Harmony, and I have to put that responsibility first."

"But what about your friends? They all seem to be doing fine, and I bet they’ve taken plenty of breaks."

"All the more reason…for me to stay right here." Twilight quickly recollected herself and staggered over to look through one of the many telescopes that had been set up to point out each of the library’s windows. Peeking through the one closest to her, she could see Fluttershy in town handing out flyers to a few random citizens in Ponyville, still wearing her necklace. "I need to keep an eye on them and make sure they remember how important this assignment is."

"That’s what you’ve been using these things for all week?" Spike asked as he looked through the telescope closest to him. He could see a necklace-wearing Rainbow Dash drearily looking up at the sky, her right back leg rapidly twitching.

"Isn’t that kind of…wrong?" Spike asked, taking his eye away from the telescope, feeling slightly ashamed.

"Sure it’s a little invasive, but privacy’s a small price to pay for the safety of everypony in Equestria," Twilight responded as she shifted to another telescope. "Besides, clearly my friends aren’t as serious about protecting the Elements as I am, and as their friend it’s my job to be there for them when they mess up."

Twilight looked through the next telescope to see Pinkie Pie scarfing down a large, vertical stack of cupcakes over at Sugarcube Corner, her necklace also still on.

"You mean if they mess up, right?" Spike asked as he looked back towards the purple mare.

"Right, what did I say?"

"Never mind." Spike walked back over to his nosy friend as she continued going on about her ideas as she surveyed the town through her ocular device.

"Anyway, Spike, about that letter. I’m going to need you to go out and buy some more paper for it. It seems we used it all up over the course of this past week."

"Gee, I wonder why?" Spike asked, stretching his aching claw muscles.

"Oh, and could you go upstairs and get my book on magical innovations before you go? I was up late last night looking it over to see if I could find any more spells that could help us be more prepared. It should still be on my bed." Twilight looked through the next telescope to see her friend Applejack angrily bucking a tree.

"Fine, I’ll be right back." Spike walked back up the stairs feeling rather annoyed. Once out of earshot, he thought aloud, "Twilight really needs to calm down. Why does she have to take everything so seriously? It’s already been a week and nothing’s even happened yet."

Spike reached the second floor as Twilight continued checking her telescope. However, before silence could take over the library, a panicked cry sounded out as a wide-eyed creature burst through the front door. It seemed they had an unexpected guest.

---

Monday, March 31

Remember when I went out to buy my toothbrush this morning? Life seemed so much simpler back then. Supernature ignored me as nature always intended, my hands were normal and uninteresting, and I was able to placidly contemplate unimportant nothings without a care in the world. However, I'm starting to think that this may not be the first time the goo and I have met.

I'm sure I walked right past this spot this morning. It was dark and I was exhausted. Plus, I had just conversed with someone. I could have walked through a wall made of cacti and faulty wiring without noticing. However, I can't deny that my hands are now inexplicably shinier than average, and having answers that create more questions is one of the surest testaments to supernature being responsible.

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been walking around with supernaturally enhanced hands all day without even realizing. I suppose that when a travelling circus snubs you your entire life, you don’t notice when they offer you some peanuts and invite you up to the trapeze.

Even so, it’s been kind of nice to have my own personal supernatural entity to stare at for these past thirty minutes while I sit here next to it trying to keep warm from the impossibly cold weather. About seven people have transitioned in to buy something from the store beside me, and none of them even glanced at it, so either I’m the only one who can see it or I’m so unattractive that none of them could bear to look in my general direction.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re all wondering what happened after I stuck my hand into this goop and it ate me and everything. Sorry, I would have opened with that, but I wanted to mentally repress that experience for as long as possible. It’s not that getting swallowed whole by some unidentified goop thing was discomforting. I mean, slimy is my favorite texture. I’m actually referring to what happened right after I was swallowed whole.

The goop spit me back out.

I just…I don’t understand. Do I not taste good? Is that why supernature’s never liked me? Why did the goop eat me in the first place then? Did it not realize who I was at first? That might make sense since it doesn’t have eyes, but shouldn’t it have remembered me from when I walked through it this morning? Maybe it’s a supernatural Goospitter, one of those faceless monsters that likes to swallow people completely and then spit them back out. I mean, I made that creature up just now, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

I wasn't even expecting that much from it. Even if it just spit me out and created an evil doppelganger of me that vowed to ruin my life, I would at least have had an interesting way to spend the rest of the afternoon. Sadly, nothing even close to that exciting has happened yet, so I suppose I can add "weird gooey thing" to my list of supernatural disappointments.

Although, I am confused as to why it’s still here. From my experiences, it should have spit me out, blown a raspberry at me, poked me in the eye, and then vanished, taking the shine off my hands and the rest of my hopes and dreams with it. Then I’d find it posting online about how bad I taste sometime later today. However, strangely all it did was the spitting part. Both my hands and the goo went back to shining and floating respectively, and now they’re both enticing me with their tantalizing weirdness.

After that first attempt, I naturally got too nervous to try again after my mind turned back on, and now I’m having more doubts about the whole thing. That means I’m right back where I started. I’m sitting here in the middle of the icy springtime weather staring blankly at some floating goo with no idea what it is or what I should even do about it.

"You should walk away. You know this will lead to nothing but trouble."

I wince as I hear the familiar quiet nagging voice in my right ear, although unlike the other voices from nowhere I’ve heard today, I’ve been expecting this one for the past half hour.

Almost immediately, the voice is followed by another equally nagging yet slightly deeper voice from the other side of my head. "Who cares how much trouble it’ll cause? As long as you get what you want, that's all that matters, right?"

Hello, gentlemen. How kind of you to show up even later than usual.

"I heard that," both of them shout at me as I stand back up to stretch my legs.

"Honestly, you have no manners inside that head of yours," the white robed one says as he lands on my shoulder. "You’re always thinking such rude thoughts. Can’t you just once be as nice on the inside as you pretend to be towards other people? When was the last time you even meant one of those half-baked smiles you give everyone?"

"Don’t listen to him," the other one says, skillfully twirling his pitchfork. "If you can’t get arrested for it, it’s not wrong."

What took you two so long, anyway? Did Devil Me say it wasn’t worth coming again?

"Are you kidding?" my tiny devilish counterpart says. "You think we’d really show up with the two gallons of rain you had pouring down on your head? Do I look like I can afford to get sick right now?"

The rain stopped thirty minutes ago, Your Highness.

"True, but it’s still freezing cold out here. Count yourself lucky we showed up at all."

Yes, I feel so lucky right now, because of how much assistance you’re providing me.

"Now, none of that," Angel Me says. "We do our best, or at least I do, but you have to remember that we have lives as well. It can’t always be about you, you know."

Fine, just give me the standard spiel and leave me alone.

"Well, if that’s going to be your attitude…" Angel Me starts.

"We’ll be more than happy to," Devil Me finishes for him, receiving a glare from his angelic clone. He places his tiny arm partially around my neck and kicks off the debate.

"This is a no-brainer, mental floss. Your boring, nobody-cares-about-it dream just took an anvil to the face, and now the only fun dream you’ve ever had is jiggling around right there. What are you waiting for, an invitation?"

"This is about more than just fun, mister," Angel Me chimes in. "Need I remind you that you have four hours of physics homework to do tonight? Not to mention you need to start working on your final term paper for psychology. You don’t even have a topic yet. How could you possibly have the time to get involved with anything like this?"

"All right, I’ll give you a topic," Devil Me says with a snort. "A pathetic guy with too much brain and no backbone gets rejected by supernatural stuff all his life. Then one just pops up in front of him like a title card, so he goes back to his apartment to do homework. Discuss in detail what the frozen facepalm made this moron decide to make this insane decision. Don’t forget to cite your sources."

Angel Me, now looking pretty irritated, flies off my shoulder and shouts, "Allow me to remind you that you’ve already tried using this goop once. It didn’t work then, so what makes you think it will work later?"

Devil Me also flies up to make his rebuttal. "That’s why you have to make it work. You need to march right up to that goo and show it who’s boss. You’ll probably fail at that too, but it’ll at least be funny to watch."

"You see?" Angel Me declares, accusingly pointing toward his counterpart. "Even he doesn’t think you can accomplish anything with this goo, and even if you could, why would you want to? Remember what you considered earlier. For all you know, this goo is a one-way trip to twenty-five seasons into the future. You’d have to spend the rest of your life catching up with all that missed work. Are you really willing to take that kind of risk?"

No, of course not. Why do you think I’m still here? You do have a point, though. It’s not like that risk is just going to disappear. Maybe some dreams were just meant to stay dream-ow!

I feel the sharp pitchfork stick into my left shoulder as Devil Me takes his turn to be irritated. "What do you think you’re doing? Don’t tell me you’re actually listening to that guy!"

It’s not that I-

Angel Me speaks up in my defense. "He doesn’t have to listen to you every time, Iddy. He does have free will, you know."

"Okay, one, don’t call me Iddy," Devil Me says, directing his attention toward the one clothed in white. "Two, why don’t you take a look at the great job this guy did with all that free will? When was the last time he even got involved with the main story?"

Give me a break. I’ve had a lot of homework. Besides, minor characters don’t-

"I told him getting into all that brainy stuff was a bad idea," Devil Me says. "He didn’t listen to me then either, and that led to him making the dumbest mistake of his life for the last eight seasons. I can’t believe it took this long for him to finally throw it away."

You know, I know you were never fond of my interest in psychology, but you could at least remember I’m right here!

Devil Me suddenly turns back to me after that thought. "And there’s something you need to remember too, Bejeepers." His glare makes me hang my head in shame.

"Calm down, Iddy," Angel Me cuts in again. "It was just one good deed."

"Oh yeah?" Devil Me asks him even though the question is obviously directed towards me. He looks me right in the eye and spits out some questions at me like a supernatural Goospitter. "Then how about that heroic sacrifice you pulled today with Rook? Another good deed, was it?"

That’s different! Rook and I are both—

"Also, what about that touching little sob story you were telling your audience last chapter? Are you trying to garner sympathy from them now?"

What? No! I was just-ow!

He pulls the pitchfork out of my shoulder and twirls it around some more in his hand. "Don’t go soft on me, Mr. Hero. You didn’t forget what you are, did you?"

Why would I forget something like that?

He smiles at the sound of my tone, revealing the four sharp fangs at the front of his mouth. His eyes shine bright with enthusiasm as if he’s watching me rob a bank, and he tenderly commands, "Then say it. What are you?"

I’m an antagonist.

He puts a hand to his horn as if he didn’t hear me. "I’m sorry, what was that?"

I’m an antagonist, all right? I add conflict to the main story to keep things interesting. Are you going to make me tell you my gender next?

"Maybe later. First though, I just wanted to make sure you remember how this works. Donut Head and I give our little back and forth while you stand there and look pretty. After we’re done, you basically go with whatever I tell you, and you give him a few pity victories when you get too close to the moral event horizon." He points his finger toward Angel Me who seems to be pouting that he’s bringing all this up again.

Come on, Devil Me. This isn’t even really question of right versus wrong. It’s more like work versus play. Besides, even if it is a moral quandary, I’m just a minor antagonist. I’m not even a major minor antagonist like Rook. I can have some white in my morality if I want.

"Fine, go ahead," he huffs, turning away from me in disgust. "Be a good guy. Do your homework. Brush your teeth. Eat your vegetables. Give puppies to orphans. It’s your life you’re throwing away here."

You know I don’t want to be a good guy! None of them know how to think!

"Then what do you want?" Angel Me asks, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I…I don’t know! That’s what you two came here to help me decide, right?

"I’m sorry, it looks like our time here is up," Devil Me nonchalantly replies as he checks his watch and disappears in a puff of smoke and condescension.

Cold move, Devil Me. Cold move.

Once he’s gone, I turn back to my holier half and ask him out loud, "Now what? I’m basically choosing between my life and my dream here. How do I make that kind of decision?"

Angel Me seems to be really lost in thought about how to respond. Eventually, he admits, "Well, legally, I’m required to tell you to make the responsible choice."

I understand. We don’t need any lawyers getting involved.

"However, as a friend, let me say this. You’re the one with the shiny hands here, so this is completely your decision. No one else can make it for you. I can’t, Iddy can’t, and not even your audience can. This one’s all on you."

But that’s my whole problem. What if I make the wrong choice? What if I regret that choice for the rest of my life?

Angel Me pauses for a second to consider his response. "Don’t worry about any of that. There is no wrong choice here. There’s only the one you choose to make. If your future self decides to regret it later, just remind him that he did what his past self thought was best."

I turn my head to the side to look at him. With a look of absolute seriousness that I only make when I’m studying for exams, he tells me, "Antagonist or not, this is your life. You need to do this your way."

After that, Angel Me disappears as well in a bright flash of light. He probably couldn’t stand the cold any more than I can right now.

I check my watch again to see that it’s now 9:24. Only about six minutes until my apple juice starts wearing off.

This is it. I need to decide right now. Do I keep trying the goo or carry on with my normal life?

I take a moment to consider Angel Me’s final words of advice as I sit back down, trying to bundle up from the dry, frigid winds.

I need to do this my way? Well, knowing me, my way is to spend a ridiculous amount of time asking myself question after question until reaching a conclusion about four seconds after it's too late. That’ll take more than six minutes though, so I need a more expeditious solution. There’s probably something critical I’m overlooking that could force me to make my decision right now. I’m sure my roommate could tell me what it is. I bet he’s still at our dining room table, waiting for me to come back like a starving deer that wants to talk to me.

Ready when you are, Goopy.

---

Sunday, March 30

"Twilight!"

Rarity burst through the door to the library as dramatically as one might expect from the white unicorn. Her necklace shined brightly around her neck, and a purple bag rested squarely on her back to match her somewhat bedraggled mane. Her eyes held nothing but unbridled fear and desperation as she directed them toward her friend.

"Twilight, you’ll never believe what travesty has befallen me this morning!"

"What’s the matter, Rarity?" Twilight asked in panic, almost matching Rarity’s level of concern. "Did something try to make off with your necklace? Did my spell somehow wear off?"

Rarity’s troubled expression was replaced by a somewhat confused one. "Of course not, darling. My necklace is still in perfect condition; although, I do regret that I’m unable to show off how lovely it looks to anypony else." Rarity took a moment to admire her necklace, quickly removing all the anxiety from her appearance.

"Well, if your necklace is fine, then what’s got you so upset?" Twilight asked, now sounding more annoyed than concerned.

The white mare’s flustered attitude suddenly came rushing back. "Oh, right! You would not believe it, Twilight! It was…I was…oh! Just take a look for yourself!" Rarity opened the bag she was carrying and levitated an orange cloth about the size of one of her dresses out of it. She held it up in front of her friend’s face and waited for an appropriate response.

"Well?" Rarity asked after a second or two of staring at her friend in utter silence.

"Um...it certainly is very…orange," Twilight uttered indecisively.

"Exactly! I ordered a huge supply of fabric for the creation my new spring line. It was supposed to be a vibrant assortment of springtime colors which would allow me to truly express my creative soul this season! However, when I opened that vile package, the only color I saw was…was…this! It’s simply dreadful, Twilight. Absolutely dreadful!"

Twilight gave Rarity a strange look. "I’m sorry, Rarity. I don’t follow. What’s so bad about orange?"

Rarity scoffed, her mouth falling agape. "'What’s so bad' is that I purchased a very expensive collection of sapphires last week which I had planned to use in my designs this spring. I bought enough to last me until late April! Do you know what color sapphires are, Twilight?" Rarity placed her nose right up against Twilight’s as she asked her question, squinting her eyes in vehemence.

"Um…blue?" Twilight’s eyes nervously glanced from left to right.

"They’re blue! How am I supposed to use blue gems with an orange fabric? I could manage if it were a lovely yellow or even a decent crimson, but orange? Certainly not." Rarity stuck her nose in the air, resentfully dropping the fabric to the ground.

"I’m sorry you’re having this problem, Rarity, but what exactly do you want me to about it?" Twilight asked, taking a step away from her distressed friend. "I’m a little busy at the moment guarding my Element, and frankly you should be too."

"Of course, of course, I’ve got it all under control." Rarity waved her hoof as if she were swatting away Twilight’s comment. "However, you see, there’s not enough time for me to order any new fabric before my next deadline, so I need to borrow Spike so I can go find some new gemstones to complement all this…ugh, orange." Rarity strolled right past her friend as she began looking for the dragon’s whereabouts.

Spike, hearing his name mentioned by perfection incarnate, cartoonishly zoomed back down the stairs at mach speed, prepared to cater to her every need. He stopped on a dime in front of the two unicorns, bowed, and chivalrously declared, "You called, milady?"

"Oh, good, Spike. There you are. Let’s be off, shall we? If we leave now, I can start designing my new outfits before sundown." Rarity tossed the dragon the bag she was carrying, which he caught through natural instinct alone, and gleefully strolled back toward the exit.

As Spike adoringly floated after the white unicorn, the bag he was holding was suddenly jerked back by an aura of purple magic.

"What are you thinking, Rarity?" Twilight asked, holding Spike in mid-air. "You can’t just go out looking for gems while wearing that necklace! What if something happened to it?"

Rarity stopped. "Oh Twilight, let’s be serious now," she lightheartedly chuckled. "This is Rarity you’re talking to here. I invented the word 'careful'. I assure you that I will let nothing happen to this necklace just as I promised the princess." Rarity grabbed hold of the bag Spike was holding with her own magic and pulled it back toward herself.

Twilight refocused her magical grip on the purple bag, causing a now concerned Spike to jerk to a stop. "We need to be more than just careful. We need to be prepared. What if this threat attacks while you’re off getting these gems? How are we supposed to use the Elements of Harmony to stop it if we’re one short?"

"Twilight, come now. We’ll only be gone for a few hours. What are the odds something like that would happen now?" Rarity pulled harder on the bag, yanking Spike slightly closer towards her.

"Uh, girls?" Spike tried to protest as he helplessly continued being pulled back between the two unicorns.

"It doesn’t matter what the odds are, Rarity. The creature who sent the princess that letter is still out there, and we still have no idea what it’s capable of." Twilight pulled Spike back again as she finished her thought.

"Well, if this letter-writer is as powerful as you claim it to be, why is it keeping us waiting? It’s been over seven days now, and we haven’t heard so much as a peep from it." Rarity jerked Spike back right on cue.

"I don’t know. Maybe it’s just waiting for one of us to go off on some kind of crazy gem-hunting expedition so we can’t use the Elements against it," Twilight said, pulling Spike again as she started to get angry.

"Crazy? Why, I never!" Rarity let go of the bag upon hearing Twilight’s outlandish statement, sending Spike flying backwards into the wall again from the force of Twilight still pulling on it. "My entire career is on the line right now, Twilight! Need I remind you that it’s the spring, the season of life and inspiration? That means if I don’t create something inspiring this season, my life will be over!"

"Rarity, please, you’re being ridiculous! I’m sure you’ll be fine no matter what colors you use. Besides, Spike doesn't have the time to go on anywhere with you. He’s got some important errands to run for me, right, Spike?"

Spike got back onto his feet in a daze, trying to figure out which of the three Twilights was the one talking to him.

"Now if you don’t mind, I have some very important work of my own I need to get back to, and I’d appreciate it if I could do it without somepony screaming my ear off." Twilight walked back over towards the table to organize the loose collection of papers resting on it as Spike finally got the room to stop spinning by using Rarity to hold himself steady.

"Oh! So now I’m annoying you, am I?" Rarity asked, closing her eyes in dissatisfaction. "Well then, why don’t you use that horn of yours to send me someplace where I can’t bother you? Personally, I'd suggest the old ruby mines right outside of Ponyville? Of course, you’ll probably need to send someone to make sure I don’t come back. I know! Why not Spike?"

"For the last time, Rarity, you’re not going!" Twilight violently shouted as she turned back around to her two friends, forcing them backwards with merely the ferocity of her tone. Before either of them could respond, Twilight grabbed her head and winced in pain. She started to feel lightheaded and was forced to take a seat on the floor.

"Are you feeling okay, Twilight?" Rarity asked out of genuine concern. "Your head isn’t still sore from that nasty bump you received last week, is it?"

"I’m fine, Rarity, and I’m sorry, but this situation is simply too dire to risk one of us going off on our own right now. We all need to stay in Ponyville to be ready in case the threat in the letter turns out to really be that great."

Rarity took a few moments to consider the whole ordeal before saying anything. "Very well, Twilight. A lady doesn’t place her own selfish desires first when she made a promise. I’ll just be on my way now." Rarity gathered up her belongings, casually strolled back out the front door, and silently closed it shut behind her.

As soon as Rarity was gone, Twilight turned her attention back to her work. "All right, Spike, did you grab that book for me while you were up–"

Suddenly, the door swung back open and a familiar white unicorn ran back inside, throwing herself onto the ground in front of Twilight’s hooves and looking twice as frazzled as before. Twilight and Spike both jumped in surprise at her abrupt reappearance.

"Oh, please, please, please, please, please, Twilight! That orange fabric will destroy my boutique’s reputation if I don’t find a better color to use with it! You simply must let me borrow Spike to go find some new gems. Would you have me grovel?"

"Rarity, it’s not that big of a deal," Twilight assured trying to reason with her friend. "As soon as this week is over and we return the Elements of Harmony to the princess, I’ll be more than happy to let you take Spike to find your gems."

Spike smiled as he heard the sweet melody of Twilight’s statement.

"However, until then, I’m afraid my hooves are tied," Twilight declared as firmly as she could.

Rarity sniffed and stood back up on her four legs, attempting to regain her composure. "Very well. I understand. I’ll simply just tell my clients that the only outfits I can make for them for the next week are those one would find on a traveling street performer—oh, please, Twilight! Let me take Spike!" Rarity threw herself on the ground once more, tearlessly crying as loudly as she could.

Twilight sighed. This was going to take a while.

---

Monday, March 31

What a wonderful way I’ve chosen to spend my day.

How do I begin to describe such an amazing experience? After my second attempt to be eaten by the goo, the miracle solution swallowed me whole and turned me into a ghost. It gave me all the standard ghost powers. I could fly through the air, walk through walls, and even alter the BGM to become minor key. I started by flying around and scaring people before moving on to scaring people and flying around. After that, I got a call from those ghosts who locked me out of their house all those years ago, and they invited me to their house for some ghost games and spectral pie. When I got there, the Bogeyman, that lake monster, and an army of zombies were also there waiting for me. They told me they had been waiting all these years to collectively provide the most incredible experience of my life in one exciting, paranormal day of fun. After about eight hours of nonstop excitement and adventure, I showed them the flyers that Rook made, and they all decided to join the tennischess club. Then, after I got all the adventuring out of my system, my interest in psychology came suddenly rushing back like an angry flock of birds. It was the greatest day of my life, and I’ll never forget it for as long as I live. The end.

Wouldn’t it have been nice if that had really happened?

Personally, I think it would have been nice if any of those things had actually happened. However, that’s not the way life wants to play this game with me. I didn’t turn into a ghost, I didn’t get my interest in psychology back, I didn’t play capture the flag with a bunch of zombies and a lake monster, and I didn’t even get any pie.

It’s such a shame too because I’m starving so badly I’m considering eating the pavement I’m standing on. I suppose one would say it’s not rational to spend twelve hours straight attempting to get some goopy stuff to swallow you up and make something interesting happen, but I think one actually knows what he’s talking about this time. I’ve done a bunch of experimentation to try to make it work, but it stands to reason that I've accomplished less than nothing. I’ve tried reaching both hands in, I’ve tried going in feet and head first, and I’ve even tried complimenting it on how perfectly it can float in one place. However, no matter what I try, it always ends with me being jettisoned out of it like a champagne cork. I’ve tried this 437 times now, and now I’m starting to get a little frustrated.

I’m so exhausted that I could very well be sleep-narrating right now, so forgive me if I’m not as sensible as I usually are. Now that the sun’s gone down, the weather’s gotten so cold it’s turned my skin blue, and I think I'm shivering so much that someone could use me as an automatic massage chair. Most people would probably be telling me to give up right now; however, as a former psychology enthusiast, I know perfectly well that I can’t do that. This is the sunk cost effect. I’ve invested too much time into this now to just walk away. I will get my adventure whether I want it or no.

I just don’t see what I’m doing wrong. Knowing my luck, this is one of those lousy "pure of heart" things, and some self-righteous protagonist is going to show up and effortlessly get it to work for him on his first try. Then I’ll end up getting another meaningless lesson about how much better protagonists are as people and maybe another one about friendship or something. I won’t accept that. I will not be defeated by goo. Or friendship.

I stand up to face my gooey opponent and ready my right hand for yet another attempt. Just as before, I shove my shiny hand straight into the center of the messy gunk, causing it to begin its signature digestion process right down my arm and across my body.

So far, so good.

It continues down towards my legs, up towards my neck, and it seems to be moving even faster than usual. It’s possible that it’s getting as frustrated with this whole ordeal as I am. Eventually, it reaches my head again, and I feel a very faint twinge of excitement as it prepares to envelope me completely. For whatever reason, possibly sheer exhaustion, I truly believe it’s going to work this time.

It’s not going to work, is it?

That’s the last thought that crosses my mind as everything suddenly goes dark, and I’m graced with the pleasure of that familiar feeling of being forcefully ejected from the implacable glob. This time, though, it expels me so forcefully that I slam into the wall of the convenience store face first, slide down the wall onto my stomach, and my daze halo turns on for a few seconds as I turn over onto my back.

All right, that’s it! I can handle spending twelve hours of getting spit out by something that almost looks like spit. I can handle being hungry, tired, confused, and blue all at once. I’m not too thrilled about the cold, but I’m willing to overlook that right now. However, I was voted "Least Likely To Be Slammed Into Walls By Random Happenstance" in the yearbook, and I won’t let that goo spit on the only meaningful scrap of pride I have left! Forget what Angel Me said! Devil Me was right this time! I need to do this the way I was always meant to do! The antagonist way!

I pull out my beloved mallet from my hammerspace which I feel especially glad to have at a time like this. I kiss it on the head and lean back in preparation to swing it right on top of the goo, and then, completely disregarding how ridiculous it makes me look, I verbally declare, "All right, Mr. Goo, now it’s time for you to make a decision. You can give me what I’m asking for or this mallet touches down where your face should be."

The goo floats mysteriously in response, making me even more frustrated in my sleep-deprived state. "No response, huh? Fine, let’s see how big of a stain you make on the pavement!" I bring the hammer straight down, smacking into the center of the goo, clearly having no idea what I’m even doing anymore. As the hammer makes contacts with the goo, it responds as it always does. It starts eating the hammer.

If I had more common sense at my disposal right now, I probably could have seen that coming, but after it finishes devouring my prized possession and I finally realize my mistake, it manages to surprise me again.

It doesn’t spit the hammer back out.

Wait, so it’ll eat my hammer, but not me? How does that work? The hammer doesn’t even have shiny hands! None of this makes any sense! Okay, I’m not frustrated anymore. Now I’m mad!

I rear back and punch the goo right in the same spot I usually stick my hand in it, finding it to be suddenly much harder of a surface than usual. I recoil in pain, and my hand turns bright red, doubling in size as it throbs from the impact. Upon further inspection via a much softer touch from my other hand, I find that the hammer I’d just lost is resting right inside the goo somehow even though I can’t see it from the outside.

Clever, Goo. First, you take my hammer, and then you use it against me? Clever, but foolish! Because now you’ve made me twice as angry!

After a quick call to Acme, I take my newly acquired giant rubber band and tie one end to the newspaper stand behind me and the other end to the streetlamp directly across from it. I pull on the cord to make sure I tied it securely enough before I begin pulling it backwards. I turn around to face the goo as I prepare to use the cord to slingshot myself right into it. I feel completely confident this idea will work. That goo’s either going to finally eat me or become several chunks of goo splattered all across the campus. I release my hold on the cord, and the tension shoots me forward and I smack straight into the goo at full force.

This was not a good idea.

A large bump springs out of the top of my head as I land back onto the ground after colliding with that hammer again. I’m greeted with the pleasure of my daze halo for the fourth time today, only this time it’s a lot more embarrassing since it was purely self-inflicted.

You’re not going to win, Goo! Do you hear me? You are going to give me my adventure, and nothing is going to stop me from getting it out of you! Nothing!

"Well, well, well, didn’t expect to see you again so soon, kid," a raspy voice calls from nowhere as the temperature drops below freezing.

Why? Why me? Why now?

"Stuck in gum again or are you just admiring my lovely handiwork?" the North wind says as it immediately lets loose some of its intolerable laughter.

This is your fault, isn’t it, Goo? You called this natural disaster in to add insult to somewhat comical injury!

I stand back up to reveal my meaningless automatic smile that’s too hardwired into my brain for me to resist. The wind finally stops laughing, but the agony carries on. "What’s wrong, kid? You forget how to talk now? What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Um, well," I start, not really knowing what to say.

I could tell him the truth, but I just know he’ll laugh. I need to do my best to avoid that right now.

"Oh, I know, you’re coming back from today’s big extraterrestrial invasion, aren’t you?"

Hearing a conceivable answer to his question, I instantly latch right onto it. "Oh, yeah I–"

Could you repeat that using different words and an overall meaning?

"I gotta say you humans sure know how to counterattack. I bet the East wind my entire hurricane season that the aliens would win, but they didn’t even last three rounds."

"I…there was a...?" I stammer, almost speaking less eloquently than I normally do when talking to someone.

"Still, it was fun to watch. Looks like it really did a number around here especially."

I take my eyes off the goo for a second to look at my surroundings, and it takes all my remaining willpower to keep my jaw from slamming against the sidewalk. It’s a bit dark now that the sun’s gone down, but I can clearly see the wreckage and debris of the skirmish that must have taken place to cause it all. Based on the number of destroyed flying saucers, it’s clear that the battle must have been worth the price of admission.

"Anyway, it’s been nice chatting with you again, but Mom says I need to start wrapping things up over here." The wind pats me on the shoulder as I kneel on the pavement in a dumbfounded stupor. "I guess I’ll see you around, kid."

The air around me starts to feel a bit warmer as the wind’s presence vanishes, though it is still rather cold. However, I don’t care how warm it is right now. I’m completely lost in my own exhausted rage.

This can’t be right! Nothing supernatural ever happens on this campus! How could it happen today? How could I not notice it? You think I'd at least notice the change in BGM when the invasion started. Are you telling me I was so involved with this goo that I tuned it all out as noise?

My eyes fall back onto the source of everything I blame for my troubles today as my teeth turn jagged in my anger.

Twelve hours! I spent twelve hours on you, and what’s my reward? An injured hand, a bump on my head, and a missed chance at an actual opportunity to live my dream without all this effort. I don’t care how weird and interesting you look! I’m done with you! I want nothing to do with so much as the word ‘goo’ for the rest of my life! Curse you, Goo! Curse you! Curse your family! Curse your job! Curse your favorite brand of soda! Curse your preferred choice of shampoo! Curse whatever sick being created you to do this to me! Curse me for believing you could be the answer to any dream of mine!

It hits me that I’ve resorted to cursing, so I decide to focus on something else before I dedicate my life to destroying all things gooey and becoming the supervillain known as Dry Heat. I take a minute to remember how my brain works before turning around to the convenience store behind me.

I’m right here. I might as well buy my spare toothbrush. At least then I won’t have completely wasted my time.

I open the front door to the store and walk inside, setting off the tiny bell as the door brushes up against it.

Comments

[MyLittleBurger]

[Blankscape]

I hope there'll be some development next week, i can't wait to find out whether DT finds her way to his world or he ends up in Equatria.

[Cavalorn]

This dude here is doing too much shrooms. Just sayin.

[MagerBlutooth]

1553764
Thank you.

1554175
The stage is almost set. The hour is almost nigh. The stories shall become one very soon.

1554562
No arguments here. This story is open for interpretation however the reader sees fit.

[Blankscape]

1554562
He isn't trippin' on weed or any sort of drug, that world he lives in is already a cartoon so i kind of wonder why people who still follow the story up to this point claim to be confused about it or say that about the main character

[waaaaaaah]

Damn you Goo! You are ruining the adventure!

[RemareShadows]

Well there is the devil and angel i wanted xD
They not at war tho.
Lets just say, what a bad guy.
Ha

Spike is a yoyo and Painc mode is real.
Fun times.

[CMC Valkyrie]

Kinda feel sorry for the floating goo pile, although it does seem like a right wanker.