Pretty good. Just a few errors and things that need added.
“Of course Twilight, they are our friends, though I think Rarity would add a lot to my plot.” Fluttershy giggled innocently. “I used a potion that shrinks them, but makes them indigestible… but now we need to talk.”
Up to you here, I think the will work better than that
“Fluttershy I-“ Twilight’s attempt to speak was stopped by more pressure from the now very distracting belly.
“Rule one, when it comes to this part of our friendship, I am in charge and your home is my body.” Fluttershy let out a soft growl and smiled. “Any place I want to put you, you’re there, understand?”
“Sure….Sure, but what’s a kumquat?” Twilight panted, her face flushed red while she spoke.
“I still can't believe you did that Fluttershy.” Twilight sat up and looked at her pred friend, trying to avoid the distracting belly.
“Well they were being rude and Rarity's a hypocrite.” Fluttershy flicked her mane hiding her face. “She gets angry when ponies ask about her weight then she asks others.”
A comma should be before anyone named when addressing them
“W-where am I going, Fluttershy?” Twilight stammered, biting her lip.
Or you can use from
“I was tempted to send my treat up my plot to meet our friends,” Fluttershy pulls a bottle of blue swirling liquid out of her saddlebag. “But then I remember someplace soft, comforting, warm and tight you’d enjoy~”
Fluttershy gently scooped up her tiny friend with her hoof and snaked it up between her hind legs. Twilight looked up and realized exactly where she was going.
Might want to use a small variety of words for her sex
“Welcome home little prey~” Fluttershy giggled before pressing her hoof up into her sex, wriggling it back and forth, working tiny Twilight deep into her silt. She moaned and squirmed on her hooves, her knees getting weak from the pleasure as she pushed on, her velvet walls clenched and pulled Twilight from her hoof. The tiny unicorn barely had time to react before she was plowed deep inside her friend. Fluttershy’s soft warm moist walls pulled her deeper and deeper. Fluttershy’s moans echoed around her barely muffled by those fleshy walls. She was pressed against the flexing cervix of Fluttershy's womb, then with a near deafening cry of pleasure of her pred-friend turned new home she was forced inside as femcum flooded out. Twilight collapsed against her womb walls as they hugged her body softly beating in time with Fluttershy’s heart. It wasn’t before the exhaustion of the day and her surroundings lulled her to sleep.
“I know but you two were being rude and I was hungry and I brought a potion just in case.” Fluttershy partially hid behind her mane. “Sorry but it's so frustrating being shy around other ponies, but when I’m being a pred pony I’m more confident.”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to answer only for Pinkie to interrupt with another. Finally Fluttershy growled and stomped a hoof next to the saucer of water. The water splashed as the saucer bounced and Pinkie bounced into the air landing a little too hard on her plot.
Pinkie Pie nodded slowly and tried to absorb all this.
“This is all a little much, but so long you two are happy that’s fine but you need to pinkie promise you won’t eat anymore of your friends without warning or asking them first!” Pinkie Pie demanded from her seat on the saucer.
“Pinkie, can you handle her please, I have to go install that chicken wire I bought, I'll be back in a few minutes.” Fluttershy turned and left, taking gentle steps and moving carefully to avoid any accidents.
“Okie dokie loki!” Pinkie gave her departing giant friend a mock salute before turning to Rarity. “So… now we know what it feels like to be cupcakes….” This merely caused Rarity to faint once more. “Oh… horse apples.”
“That’s not to say I’m not relieved you and Twilight are connecting as friends and….” Rarity stopped and closed her mouth searching for the right words. “That relationship, but I want no part of it in the future.”
“I got parties to throw and pinkie promises to keep silly, but….” Pinkie Pie paused and waited for Rarity to exit the door. “It was fun and like in a super duper water slide way, so maybe again if ya warn me first.”
I love this story and its ideas. Though I have personal preference for how far into vore to go I love the sweetness of this. Honestly I'm most interested in the princesses right now and wonder what discord would think of this. I also know if I was my oc here I'd be a prey pony through and through. I hope this continues.
Fluttershy is one very hungry pony
11144150
just setting up a B story for funnies
Excellent work
Pretty good. Just a few errors and things that need added.
Up to you here, I think the will work better than that
A comma should be before anyone named when addressing them
Or you can use from
Might want to use a small variety of words for her sex
11144419
thank you
11144485
Welcome
I love this story and its ideas. Though I have personal preference for how far into vore to go I love the sweetness of this. Honestly I'm most interested in the princesses right now and wonder what discord would think of this. I also know if I was my oc here I'd be a prey pony through and through. I hope this continues.
11150553
happy to have you here enjoying the story.