Friendship is Overrated

by Jphyper

Episode 3: The Sticky Master

An orange earth pony and a purple unicorn walked along a dusty path, each of them carrying a cartful of apples. “Thanks a lot fer the help, Twi. It’s nice to finally get something done without bein’ yelled at.”

“Well, it’s not like I had anything better to do,” the unicorn replied. “Pukie got her greasy hooves on all the books, so I’m stuck out here while the library is being decontaminated. Does she ever wash those things?”

Suddenly, her OranBerry smartphone chimed, indicating a new message. She lit up her magic and pulled it out of her nonexistent pocket. Hitting “Check Message”, she began to read aloud: “‘Yo, Twi! This is the princess! As you know, Comic-Con is coming up soon and I really miss you here, so I sent you a special gift!’ Huh, I wonder what it is.” She hit “Print Attachment”, causing two pieces of paper to magically appear out the top of the device. Looking at them carefully, the two mares gasped.

“Are these…” Apple Peel asked.

“Free admission vouchers for Cantaloupe Comic-Con!” the mares exclaimed together.

Friendship is Overrated
Episode 3: The Sticky Master

"Cantaloupe Comic Con! I’ve always wanted to go there, but we could never afford it,” Apple Peel began. “It’s always ‘the roof needs fixed’, ‘the tractor needs parts’, ‘granny needs her heart medication’. With these tickets, I can finally get over there!”

“Aren’t you needed on the farm?” Twilight asked, eliciting a glare from the incompetent mare. “Right, dumb question. Sorry.”

“Ah, well. I s’pose I could bring some samples along, do some advertisin’ as an excuse to get outta the work they do make me do,” Apple Peel pondered. "I can hardly believe it. Why, I'd give my left hind leg to go there..."

Apple Peel looked back to Twilight, who was grinning excitedly and holding a scalpel and bone saw in her magic grip. The earth mare gave her an annoyed glare, and the unicorn teleported the instruments away with a mix of sheepishness and disappointment.

Regaining her composurte, Twilight began to speak: "Well, in that case, would you like the-” Suddenly, she was interrupted by a blue flash.

“What’s this I hear about Comic-Con tickets?” the pegasus asked in an uncharacteristically excited tone.

“Brainbow Bash, what are you doing here?!” the orange mare demanded. “Yer not here to give me another subpoena, are ya?”

“What? No! For your information, I have a court order to take my naps in your trees. I overheard you talking, and I say I want those tickets!”

“What for? You don’t seem like the type who would want to go to a comic convention,” Twilight asked.

“Are you kidding? That place is full of copyright infringements waiting to happen, and as a good lawyer, I plan to be there for whoever can afford me,” the pegasus boasted, but added sheepishly, “Besides, I’ve always had a thing for ponies in cosplay.”

“Now hold on! I asked first!” Apple Peel interjected.

“Then I challenge you to a round of paintball!” Brainbow Bash replied.

Twilight Novel decided to make herself scarce.

---

With her stomach growling, Twilight Novel decided it was time for lunch. As she passed Corn Syrup Corner, she caught the smell of Pukie’s cooking. She had to admit it smelled delicious… until that smell turned to smoke. She heard a smoke alarm go off and a fire extinguisher spraying. A moment later, Pukie flew out the door after a good swift kick from Mr. Bake. The pink pony crashed into the lavender one, though her lizard had the presence of mind to leap out of the way at just the right moment.

The vouchers floated down onto Pukie’s nose. Opening her eyes, she began to panic. “Scraps of paper?! HELP!! The Slenderpony’s going to get me!!!” Mike, however, simply grabbed the vouchers with his tongue and-

“Oh no you don’t!” Rhapsidy snapped, snatching the vouchers from the iguana’s grasp. “Here you go, Twilight. I believe you dropped… Are these Comic-Con tickets?!”

“Comic-Con tickets?! Where?!” Pukie asked, her irrational panic immediately forgotten.

“Yes,” Twilight grumbled. “I don’t know why the Princess sent two of them; I have no idea who I’d want to take with me.”

“I would love to go! I finally have enough vacation time to actually attend for myself instead of simply serving customers at the company booth all day,” the white unicorn suggested.

Pukie, meanwhile, was singing about why she wanted to go, though how her song was related to those reasons was something only she was aware of.

Suddenly, F**kershy cut in out of nowhere and added, “What about me? Most of those cosplayers have never even been with a girl. There’s bound to be a lot of desperate ponies with low standards for me to-”

“Hold it! This story is rated Teen, not Mature, remember?” Twilight reminded her.

“Right, sorry,” the yellow pegasus apologized.

Twilight turned to walk away, but found Apple Peel and Brainbow Bash blocking her path and grinning ear-to-ear. “Oh, crap,” she mumbled. Sure enough, the other five ponies immediately started arguing over who should get the vouchers. Finally, Twilight Novel had had enough, and yelled “SHUT UP!!!”

“…then I took an arrow in the- oh.” Pukie concluded.

“These are my vouchers, so I get to decide who gets them. If you five weren’t the other main characters of this story, I wouldn’t pick any of you!” she yelled before running off.

---

In a diner on the other side of town, Twilight grumbled while waiting for service. “****ing ponies,” she grumbled, “Now I know why Trollestia sent me these things.”

Suddenly, she heard a loud pop and a screeching sound. A blue blur whisked her out of the way just before a speeding automobile crashed through the diner. Looking up, she saw it was none other than Brainbow Bash. “I saved your life! You owe me now! One voucher should suffice.” Twilight looked out into the street and noticed a spike strip labeled “Property of Brainbow Bash”. She gave the pegasus a glare. “Um… that’s… not mine?”

Twilight Novel stormed out of the now-destroyed diner, wondering what an automobile was doing in Etceteria in the first place. Her musings were cut short, however, when Rhapsidy showed up with no explanation and kidnapped her.

“What are we doing here?!” Twilight demanded.

“Why, we’re having a shopping spree! All items half-off!” the white unicorn declared.

“No. I see what you’re doing. The author can’t think of a good joke for this scene, so he made sure I immediately figured out that you’re just trying to bribe me for the voucher,” the lavender unicorn stated before walking off.

After that, Twilight expected some sort of comedic twist to the effect of it turning out that it really wasn’t a bribe and that the store really was having a sale, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, Apple Peel showed up with a cart full of goodies.

“I heard y’all was lookin’ fer some lunch!” she announced. “Well, I got apple pie, apple fritters, apple tarts, apple dumplings, apple crisps, apple crumblers, apple cobbler… you name it, I got it!”

Twilight noted, however, that the orange mare had clearly baked all these treats herself. She immediately lost what little food she had left inside her (as well as her appetite), and ran off to her house.

“What? I thought y’all said you was hungry?” the mare asked, confused. Mike, however, simply grabbed the “treats” with his tongue and ate them.

---

Arriving at her library-house, she trotted in to find F**kershy cleaning the place up while humming loudly to herself. “Stop that right now!” Twilight shouted.

“What’s wrong with a little cleaning?” the pegasus asked.

“It’s not the cleaning, it’s the singing,” the unicorn snapped.

“What’s wrong with humming the MLP theme song?” she wondered.

“You’re humming the G3 theme song!” Twilight replied. Next time you watch the actual episode, pay attention to Fluttershy's humming. Now enough commentary; back to the story.

“The G3 theme song?!” Carrot Top exclaimed from outside. The other background ponies nearby began to gather around the tree. F**kershy dove out the window and fled as the angry mob ran her out of town.

Twilight sighed in disappointment. If she hadn’t been humming that song, the unicorn would have gladly given the voucher to the pegasus. This place really needed that cleaning- it was a dump. With another sigh, she started heading for the kitchen to make a sandwich, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. “What now?!” she groaned. She opened the door, only to be grabbed by Pukie Pie and the rest of the background characters who hadn’t joined the angry mob. They tossed her into the air repeatedly as they sang a song.

“PUUUUUKIIIIIEEEEE!” Twilight screamed, and the crowd dropped her to the ground.

“Yes,” the pink pony asked innocently.

“This is about the Comic-Con voucher, isn’t it?” Twilight asked, immediately regretting it as the rest of the ponies immediately figured out what was going on. They crowded around her offering various sums of money in exchange for the voucher. Twilight would normally have considered their offers, but for most creatures, the desire for air usually exceeds the desire for cash, and Twilight Novel was no exception. She burst through the crowd and ran through the town in an attempt to escape. As she squeezed out, however, she bumped her OranBerry, causing it to play a catchy remix of a famous song often used in comedic chase scenes. The sound of the music greatly hindered her attempts to hide from or evade the crowd. Finally, she found herself cornered in an alley. As Derpy offered her a muffin as a bribe, she pulled out her OranBerry, dialed a number, and screamed, “BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!” She and her lizard were immediately enveloped in a bright light. When it faded, she was gone.

Meanwhile, back in her house, the same light was also fading, but this time, she was in it. “Thanks, Scotty,” she gasped.

“No problem,” Butterscotch Syrup replied.

Twilight immediately went about shutting off all the lights and locking all the doors and windows. She sighed in relief in the total darkness, as it had somehow transitioned from mid-afternoon to late at night in just those few seconds. She squealed in surprise as the lights came back on. Standing in the room were five familiar ponies. “How did you even get in here?!” she gasped.

“I have keys to every municipal building in Pokeyville,” Brainbow Bash replied.

“Look, we’ve been thinkin’,” Apple Peel began, “an’ we realized this musta’ been a setup by the princess fer trollin’ purposes.”

Rhapsidy continued, “We decided that we won’t give her the pleasure of causing distress.”

“So you won’t mind if I just send the vouchers back and say no one wanted them?” Twilight asked.

“That’s actually what we were going to suggest,” Pukie answered.

So Twilight magically inserted the vouchers back into her OranBerry and send them as an e-mail attachment. This email also included her first episodic life lesson.

Today’s Moral: If there isn’t enough to go around, it sucks to be the one to miss out. Also, Don’t Feed the Trolls.

“Now I can finally-” Twilight began, but was immediately interrupted by a chime from her phone. Checking it, she saw a reply to her message. She opened it up, and six tickets immediately materialized out the top of her phone. The message read: “U MAD?” followed by a trollface. Twilight groaned, but her mood soon improved when she heard Brainbow Bash ordering pizza. Her friends may be lame, but at least they pay their own tabs.