Where Only Silver Shines

by Etyco Filly

A6 — Between Shades of Black and White

I slammed open the door to Aurora’s office, making her fall out of her chair with a thud. When her eyes landed on me, she stammered, “You? What are you doing here?”

Something unfathomably stupid. “Holding you accountable!”

She blinked at me, slowly pulling herself back onto her chair. “Arawn, dear, what are you talking about? How did you get here? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy to see you walking around, but—”

“Enough!” Meant to thunder, the word instead escaped my mouth with a shrill crack. I cleared my throat. “Silver was heavily injured because of you, and you will have to answer for it!” Though I was screaming for the entire fort to hear us, I hardly cared.

Confused, she rubbed her temple, frowning. “That’s not true. What grounds do you have for these accusations?” She furrowed her eyebrow. “How do you even know Silver?”

“I was the one to bring him to the infirmary!” I slammed both forehooves down on her desk, causing her to wince, making her cups clink together. “And do not change the Celestia-damned subject!”

She blinked, stared at me in silence for a long moment, and motioned for me to wait, before ducking to pull a bottle of brownish alcohol out of her drawer. She uncorked it with her teeth, threw grace to the wind, and gulped a mouthful straight from the bottle.

She sighed, relaxing, and finally met my glare. “What? My innocent, sickly, baby cousin just barged into my office, started screaming blasphemies at me, all while dropping bombshells left and right. Cut a mare some slack, would ya?”

Aurora took another swig while I stared at her, dumbfounded. She continued, “You’re gonna have to explain some things if you want me to understand.” She met my gaze. “Because right now, I’m lost.” The blank, nigh indifferent, merely confused expression she wore set my blood on fire.

So she refused to take me seriously. I stood in her office, shouting at her, and she had the audacity not to take me seriously. “Listen here,” I snapped. I was no longer screaming. I was far too angry for that. “I know how you’ve been treating Silver.” Once again, I placed my hooves on the desk and leaned in. Aurora shrank back. “I know what you did to him.”

A chill ran down her spine, fur bristling. She gulped, her face falling. “Are you… are you blackmailing me?” She shook her head. “Because that will not work. While certain ponies might raise an eyebrow, I will not get into any trouble.” While she chose her words with the care of an old politician, her voice carried genuine hurt, worry, and fear. “He’s my serf, nopony will care—”

“No, Aurora,” I said with calm disdain. “I am threatening you.” I stared at her, almost content with watching blood drain from her face. “Need I remind you who shall rule The Tower when the time comes?” I laced each word I spoke in ice-cold, burning venom.

“But… but you’re…” She gaped at me, her mouth quivering, her expression filling me with a bitter, intoxicating, horrible satisfaction.

“Well? Tell me. What am I?” I sneered. “A weak, sick foal incapable of anything? A filly unwilling to stand up for her friends? Do you truly believe you can push me around?” I raised my tone. This time, she took me seriously. “My best friend almost died because you decided a few ponyhours were too Luna-damned much!”

Tears of anguish streamed down her cheek. Tears of anger threatened the same for me. She opened her mouth. “But—”

“I do not care. If you value your future at all, you will answer to me from now on.” She stared at me, mouth agape and eyes wide, a drop of sweat running down her temple. A sick smirk tried to creep onto my muzzle. “Do you understand?” She gulped. Nodded. “Good. You will hear more from me.”

I turned to leave the room. As soon as I entered the hallway, my bravado left me, horrid satisfaction turning to nausea. I donned my shadows. Nopony would be allowed to see me cry. Nopony.

She deserved this. She was a horrible, neglectful pony. I had every right to treat her as such. It was her fault, and hers alone, that Silver was injured.

So why in the Sisters’ names did tears stream down my cheeks‽

---

I sighed as I stepped into the barracks. Every day, I came to check on Silver, and every day I recalled my treatment of Aurora upon seeing these halls.

I had even considered coming less often. Silver had not woken up in almost a week; how long would I allow myself to be disappointed by life? With wounds like his, why would I expect anything else?

The doctor had been unwilling to give Aurora any precise estimates, instead relying on platitudes, showing me how dire the situation truly was. Perhaps his opinion had changed for the better since; a few days had passed since my last eavesdropping on their conversation.

Bah, wishful thinking! For all I knew, Silver would never wake. Life was no cheesy romance novel where my love interest would conveniently stay in bed long enough to build a relationship.

Every morning, my mind danced the same dance. It would let hope and despair wrestle, before I finally put an end to it, and would spend all day spying on ponies around the bureaucratic district to distract myself.

And now, I would turn the corner, and my heart would yet again sink. Silver would lie on the bed exactly as the nurse had left him. I would stare at him for a few minutes from underneath my cloak of shadows before walking away with my head down. It was always the same. It—

On the bed sat Silver against a pillow, reading. A pair of oddly familiar thin-framed, half-moon glasses adorned his muzzle. I knew the book betwixt his hooves: an old favourite of mine. It told the story of a noble filly who had recently developed a case of insomnia. Her sanity kept slipping until she began roaming the night, only finding sleep after ending somepony’s life.

I shook my head. Do not let a book distract you, Arawn.

Only problem was… I had no recollection of bringing him the book.

No matter how he had acquired the book! He was awake! And well enough to read! I nearly threw myself around his neck.

Three factors stopped me. One, he was still recovering. Two, our relationship hardly allowed for this exact sort of interaction. Three, there were two other patients in the medical bay.

One of them was asleep, while the other stared blankly at a wall. I focused, breathing a whistle. Three notes, gentle as a breeze, filled the room.

“Who’s there?” asked Silver.

“It is me,” I replied, my voice hushed to a whisper by my cloak. I let go of the shadows.

He sighed, then blinked, before frantically looking at his roommates. Finding them asleep, he relaxed and whispered, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you afraid you’ll be seen? What if they wake up?”

“They shall not. I have made sure of that.” Realising how ominous that sounded, I added, “I have cast a sleep spell on them. They will be fine in a few hours.”

“Oh. Alright.” He fell quiet for a while, only occasionally holding my gaze, and only briefly. “So, uh… hi?”

“Hey.” The smile on my lips began to grow strained as silence fell. It was no pleasant silence; heavy, suffocating. We struggled to meet each other’s eyes. Seconds ticked by, perhaps minutes. I knew what I needed to say. If only that made it any easier.

What was I doing? I gulped and took a long breath. “I wanted to tell you sooner, but the opportunity never presented itself.” And I was a damned coward. “Had it not been for Vitro, I would have found a much better way to reveal it to you.”

Silver grimaced. “Why’d you need an opportunity? Couldn’t you just have told me?”

“I… I was afraid you would not understand. That you would be angry at me for keeping it from you.”

Silver’s hurt expression stung my heart. “Is that really the kind of pony you think I am?” He frowned, staring at his bed.

I opened my mouth, but words evaded me. I gulped. I had to do this. “No, it is just… I merely…”

He shook his head. “It’s okay, I understand. You couldn’t tell how somepony like me would react to such a big secret.”

If he understood, why did he sound so resigned? I lacked the strength to ask; the pain in his gaze paralysed me.

Silence weighed on us again. This time, I failed to break it.

After a long while, Silver sighed. “I need some time to mull things over. I thought we were closer than we really were.”

“We were!” I blurted. “I mean, we are! You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had!”

He nodded, still with that awful, sad smile. “I know. I just thought it meant more.” I opened my mouth, but he shushed me with his eyes. “Look, I promise I’m not angry, and I promise we can go back to how we were before. I just… I just need to think, okay?”

I nodded, forced a smile, and stormed out of the room. I was going to cry, and I did not want him to see. I could not bear the thought. I refused to manipulate him with my tears. He needed his time to think, and as his friend, I would respect that.

---

Frustrated. Desperate. Such strong emotions rarely affected me outside fiction. A week ago, I had embarrassed myself in front of Aurora in an attempt to intimidate her. Did she even care? She must have seen right through me. Worse yet, she might have taken me seriously, and I might have hurt her.

Today, I had angered Silver. I had followed every trick my eloquence teacher had taught me, and yet…

Why could I do nothing right?

I lifted a chair with my magic, intent on throwing it at the wall, but I hesitated. I gritted my teeth and put it back down. Self-pity and anger could come later. I had to remain composed for what was coming. I needed to move forward, no matter what. Like Mother would have done.

I bit my lip to hold back tears. Why had Silver reacted like that? In the abandoned prison, he had certainly been upset, but he had given me the impression he would come around; that I needed to explain it to him, apologise, and everything would return to normal.

I must have missed something. A clue, a detail. Anything. Why was he angry now, but not earlier? Why? What had changed?

Oh.

Oh no.

He blamed me. He had thought about it, and had realised I had only stood there and done nothing while he had risked his life.

It… it was my fault. My fault he was injured. Why had I failed to realise that until now?

Like a mentally stunted foal, I had hidden behind a corner instead of flinging suppressive spellfire. The excuse I gave myself at the time was pathetic, too. Strategic choice to find the best opportunity to hit the chimæra? Ridiculous. Laughable. Detestable. Cowardly.

I had been shaking like a filly half my age. That was the true reason for my inaction. My cowardice had led to his injury. He was right to blame me. He had trusted me to watch his back; I had let him down.

Somepony knocked on my door. Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no! I had wasted my time instead of composing myself! “One minute, Father!”

I breathed in with my stomach. A trick to calm oneself. Deep, slow, breaths. Calm down, Arawn, calm down. It is an important conversation, but it is merely your father.

Whom I would have to lie to. I winced. Not the time. I breathed in, put a hoof on my chest, stretched it out away from me, and breathed out. The ancient breathing technique proved surprisingly effective, and my facial muscles relaxed. I moved the chair back into place at my desk, and sat down. “Do come in.”

The door opened. He walked into the vestibule, where he removed his helmet. When he spotted me, his mouth grew into a smile. “You wanted to speak to me, sweetheart?” He used this tone only with me, and only when nopony else would hear.

“Yes, Papa, I had a few questions regarding a rumour I have overheard.” I kept my tone neutral. It took all my focus.

He blinked, eyes wide. “What kind of rumour? Whom did you hear it from?”

“’Tis of trite interest, but I have merely eavesdropped on Auntie Aurora and one of her Knights.” Draw the blame away from Aurora and unto me. Good. “Apparently, the Knights are finding it increasingly difficult to deal with problems as they arise,” I said with half the curiosity I had intended. Damn it! I had rehearsed this line so many times. Now he might suspect something!

For but the briefest of instants, Father’s muzzle contorted in a frown, savage fury flaring in his eyes. Half a heartbeat later, he wore a reassuring smile. A smile that did not reach his gaze. “Why, whatever could they have meant? To my knowledge, there are no issues the Knights could not tackle.” He shook his head. “There must have been a misunderstanding.”

I returned his smile, though mine was largely more convincing. “Oh, is that so? Still, I thank you for hearing me out, Father.”

At that, his expression grew genuine. “I am always happy to help my little darling.” Then, his tone turned to softly reprimand me, “Still, you should not eavesdrop on somepony, especially when you lack context, sweetheart.”

Sheepish, I stroked my crest—damn it, Silver had rubbed off on me! “My apologies, Father. I shall not do so again.”

“Good, then it is settled.” He nodded. “Though I am afraid duty calls, and I should return where I am needed. We can talk more after dinner, if the pressing matters are settled.”

I returned his nod, and within half a minute he had left.

This turn of events failed to surprise me, though it remained frustrating. Until I broke his illusion, he would always see me as his little foal. Yet I knew not whether he could withstand my shattering of his heart.

Nevertheless, my main goal had been to nudge him in the right direction. Perhaps it would work, and The Tower would recover under his guidance in the short term.

Most likely, it would not. He stuck to the past, refusing to acknowledge the changing times, blindly believing in Mother.

I sighed, opened my book, and began reading. At first, a history book on The Tower. A family record, to be more exact. I knew most of it already, but had hoped to uncover long-lost, useful details. Anything at all to turn the situation. No luck—or, as Silver would put it, no dice. I found it difficult to keep my mind focused, especially on such a tedious activity.

I then attempted to read a political textbook, only to encounter the very same problem. Hours crawled by as I desperately attempted to fill my day productively. When evening came, I gave up, instead opting for a novel to distract myself: a story of a young mare, not much younger than myself, leaving everything behind after having committed a murder, on her way to find a new land to call home.

It almost worked, but even then, my eyes followed the words, but my mind would wander. Too often would I find myself in the middle of a page with no recollection of what had happened over the course of the previous few paragraphs.

I closed the book and prepared myself for bed. Perhaps a good night of sleep would finally allow me to focus on what mattered, and not on what I could no longer change.

Unfortunately, I hardly slept. Perhaps my mind drifted off a few times, but the night lasted much too long. Thoughts of Silver, of Aurora, of The Tower’s future tormented me till the early hours of the morning.

After my lessons and homework, I returned to skulking around the bureaucratic district, as it at least allowed me to distract myself from everything.

The following two nights were similarly restless; on the third, I accepted my fate, staying out several hours later than usual. If my mind was to torment me, it might as well do so in front of a pleasant view.

It was then I stumbled into Nightshade, who suffered from similar problems. Maybe, if Silver would no longer be my friend, Nightshade would. No, he had promised. But maybe—

Regardless, my conversation with Shade had lifted an enormous weight off my heart, and that night, I could finally sleep.

---

I sat at the usual spot. Shade was nowhere in sight. Already, my mind began to conjure up the worst scenarios. Had I said something wrong? Or had it merely taken Shade this long to realise I was not worth her time? Perhaps she was trapped, and only I could save her?

Oh, shut up. It was nothing of the sort. I was early.

Before my mind could torture me any further, steps drew my attention. Not the steps I had been expecting. Confident, strong, yet fast and light. “Silver?” I said as I turned to face him.

A warm smile adorned his face while he continued towards me. “Hey.”

I blinked. Should I be overjoyed or panicking? “What are you doing here?”

“Shade told me I would find ya here.” He chuckled; the sound warmed my heart and set my insides abuzz. When had he even seen Shade? “Then again, ain’t like this place is a secret or anythin’.”

A sheepish smile crept its way onto my lips. “Heh, I suppose not.”

He sat down in front me; silence shrouded us. At first, it was comfortable, but gradually grew more tense.

Silver sighed. “I owe you an apology.”

I gaped at him until my mind caught up to my ears. “No, you don’t!” The words came out stronger than intended, even making Silver shrink back in surprise. “I lied to you for months, and I almost got you killed. I did not even apologise for those two things!”

Despite my outburst, Silver was smiling. Not an arrogant, condescending smile. Not a gentle, knowing smile. Not even a horrible, sad smile. No, his smile was genuine, blissful, happy, and relaxed.

It took the wind out of my sails. No, it took the wind out of the tempest blowing in my head. “I am so sorry, Silver. For getting you injured, and for lying to you. I wish I had the words to describe how deeply I regret both of these.”

His smile grew ever wider as he stared into my eyes. “Arawn, it’s alright.” He leaned forward, but at the last moment dodged my muzzle, instead crossing his neck with mine. From the other side, he draped his foreleg over my withers. He whispered, “I never blamed you for my injury, and I understand why you had to keep it a secret.” Warm tears wet my fur. “Thank you.” He rubbed my back. “Thank you for apologising.”

Weeks of pent-up emotions relaxed in a few sentences. I leaned into the embrace, and allowed gentle tears to flow.

“And I’m sorry,” he whispered, “for pushin’ you away. I was disappointed that you didn’t exactly see me like I see you, and I thought I’d, I dunno, feel better if I did that.”

I squeezed him tight, and he relaxed into the hug. The moment lasted an eternity, only to eventually be broken by Silver as he pulled out of the embrace. We continued to sit in comfortable silence while I gathered my courage.

“Silver, would you be willing to take my side? It is time I try to change The Tower.”

Author's Note:

*incoherent screaming*

This chapter was just pure, unadulterated pain. I had to change so many things from the first draft (because of the way I changed some other chapters prior to this)

Worse yet… I’m gonna have to change future chapters as well. (Etyco-from-the-future here: it really wasn't that bad.)

Also... Happy new year, y'all. To a 2024 filled with mares.

Comments

[Sir Mediocre]

“They shall not. I have made sure of that.” Realising how ominous that sounded, I added, “I have cast a sleep spell on them. They will be fine in a few hours.”

Oh, look, casual anesthetization. That would be against several laws, if this place had them

When evening came, I gave up, instead opting for a novel to distract myself: a story of a young mare, not much younger than myself, leaving everything behind after having committed a murder, on her way to find a new land to call home.

I remain indelibly chuffed about this.