Return of the king

by emberflare

Captain of the what's?

Hey guys, thanks for taking the time to read this. I am NOT Ember Flare, but Shadow Flare (Warning, Ember does appear in here, but as a different character). We write and edit together. This story, i came up with, but the idea was originating from 'Immortal game'. i recommend reading it. IF you have, the plot will be different, and i owe a lot of different brony writers credit for ideas that i have borrowed. Tribs will be at the end (sorry).
Ember here. My brother and I will be using this account to publish both of our stories, and expect his writing style to improve as i help him write and stuff. ciao..
Also there will be mistakes, please do mention them in the comments, as i will need help changing my writing style and spelling.
Thanks again for taking the time to read this. Enjoy

Twilight Sparkle walked down her stairs and sees Spike sleeping on the floor, a mop lying next to him. She chuckles lightly and shakes her head. She exits her library and sees Pinkie Pie hopping towards her; Twilight doesn’t even raise her eye brow. She was almost immune to Pinkie’s acts of randomness. “Hey Twilight!” she seemed more energetic then usuals, which was saying something.

“Hey Pinkie” Twilight says “What’s up?” she asks.

The party pony bounces on the spot “You hear who came back?” she smiles and asks.

“No” says Twilight, a frown forming on her face “Who came back?” she was curious.

“Rainbow Dash of course” Pinkie giggles slightly at Twilight, who instantly face hoofs.

‘How could I forget Rainbow Dash was coming back from Canterlot from a meeting with the Wonderbolts’.

“I’m sorry Pinkie, I completely forgot. Where is she?”

“At Sugar Cube Corner of course, I just had to throw her a party for her successes”

“Successes?” ask Twilight.

“Yeah, she is now the captain of the Wonderbolts”

“WHAT!!!!” exclaims Twilight “She made it!”

“I know right” says Pinkie smiling madly “And that’s not all she has” she hints at.

Twilight starts walking towards Sugar Cube corner with Pinkie in tow “What do you mean by that?”

“She has a coltfriend!” Pinkie jumps up slightly.

“Rainbow Dash has a coltfriend?” says Twilight, disregarding what Pinkie had just said “No way!”

Twilight started getting closer to Sugar Cube she could hear a party was definitely happening.

“It’s true Twilight. No pony else could believe it either, but she’s fallen in love” Pinkie said.

“With who?”

The chanting from Sugar Cube corner gets clearer, until Twilight realised the call was “KISS. KISS. KISS”. Twilight starts to gallop, with Pinkie Pie right behind her “Some Pegasi. I don’t remember his name”.

Twilight runs through the door to see, in the middle of the room, Rainbow Dash and another Pegasi kissing. This Pegasus’s feathers were black, as was his mane. What struck Twilight as odd was his tail, unlike most ponies whose tail colours match their manes, his tail was fire red. They stayed like that for several minutes until the broke, and everypony continued to party. Rainbow and the colt open their eyes, her purple eyes similar to his red.

Twilight simply stood there in shock until she felt somepony stand next to her “Eeyup” says Apple Jack “I couldn’t believe my eyes either, but it happened” AJ smiles slightly.

Rainbow spots Twilight and walks over to her, with him in tow “Hey Twilight. It’s good to see you” she smiles at her.
“Ohh. Hey Rainbow, yeah. It’s been some time” stutters Twilight, still recovering from the fact that Rainbow has a coltfriend.

“Hey, Shades. This is Twilight. The Unicorn I mentioned before” she points her hoof at Twilight.

“Nice to meet you Twilight, I have heard many things about you from Dash here” he says, smiling.

Rainbow jabs him “Introduce yourself” she ‘whispers’ quite loudly.

“Oh right” he blushes with embarrassment “I am Shadow, Shadow Flare” I he holds out his hoof.

Twilight shakes it “Shadow Flare. I have heard of you before, but I cannot remember where from” says Twilight, trying to remember where she had read his name.

“You most likely have, and I do suspect Rainbow would have mentioned me before she left. I was the reason the Wonderbolts recruited her, to stop me from recruiting her. You see Twilight, I am the captain of Luna’s Shadowbolt’s”

Twilight hits her head lightly with her hoof ‘How could I have forgotten Rainbow’s week before she left. She kept mentioning the Shadowbolt’s captain had offered her a spot, only for the Wonderbolt’s to snatch her away’. Twilight looks at Shadow and remembers Rainbow’s description of him. ‘Black feathers, with a black mane. But his tail was red’

“I am soo sorry Shadow, I completely forgot when Rainbow mentioned you”

“It’s all good” he nods slowly “This is an amazing party” he comments.

“Yeah. Pinkie Pie is very good when it comes to parties” agrees Twilight.

“It’s been great meeting you Twilight” he smiles.

“Yeah. Just one last question”

Shadow tilts his head to one side, waiting.

“Are you planning to stay in Canterlot now with the others Dash?” she faces Rainbow Dash.

“What!?” Dash exclaims “No. I’m staying in PonyVille”

“What about you Shadow?”

He smiles before quickly glancing at Rainbow “I’m moving from Canterlot to here”. The pair then turned around and disappear into the crowd that was Ponyville’s population.

Comments

[SkyWalker]

Ok, let's see. There's a lot you need to improve here. First, mind the time: half of the things you say are in past, the other half in present. Like here:

Twilight Sparkle walked down her stairs and sees Spike sleeping on the floor, a mop lying next to him. She chuckles lightly and shakes her head. She exits her library and sees Pinkie Pie hopping towards her; Twilight doesn’t even raise her eye brow. She was almost immune to Pinkie’s acts of randomness. “Hey Twilight!” she seemed more energetic then usuals, which was saying something.

Second, I read your author name is Shadow Flare, the same name of the captain of the black-coated, red-maned, red-eyed pegasus who not only is captain of the Shadowbolts, but also Dash's coltfriend? Don't you think it's a bit excessive?

[InsanityBerry]

this story is really great! will you write more?

[revan1801]

They stayed like that for several minutes until THE broke, and everypony continued to party. Rainbow and the colt open their eyes, her purple eyes similar to his red. .... think u mean they