Act’s 1, Poor Unfortunate Souls
This was a horribly stupid idea. Then again, what else was she suppose to do? After the display Celestia, queen of the mermaids, put on for her when Sunset Shimmer told her about rescuing that stupid, beautiful, human, she felt like she had no choice. What else was she supposed to do? Just take it? Like the good little princess she was? Celestia never listened or understood her before. So when those eels told her that there was a way to get everything she wanted, well, in her state of mind, the offer was all too tempting.
“This way,” the purple and blue moray eels said in unison as they directed Sunset into the fossilized remains of a Leviathan.
Taking in a gulp, Sunset swam into the belly of the beast. Along the way, she came across the withered souls of those before her, who couldn’t pay the price for the sea witch’s magic. Sunset let out a yelp when one of them reached out and latched onto her arm, begging her to turn around. With a strained pull, she was able to break free.
“Come in, come in, dear child,” a voice rang out to Sunset as she no sooner got over the shock. “We must not lurk in doorways. It’s rude.” From the shadow, emerged the sea witch, Adagio. Her with long curly blonde hair and tentacles flowing behind like snakes after their next meal. “One might question your upbringing.”
“Now, you’re here because you have a thing for this human,” the witch said before Sunset could comment. “Royalty no less. Not that I blame you,” she added with a smirk. “Well then, angel fish, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want, is to become a human yourself.”
Sunset gasped. Somewhat thinking that to be a possibility, but not actually believing it could be true.
“Can you do that?” Sunset asked for confirmation.
“My dear child,” Adagio said with a predatory look, swimming up far too close to the little mermaid than was comfortable. “It’s what I live for. To help ‘poor unfortunate souls’ like yourselves.”
The next thing Sunset knew, there was a musical number, where Adagio sang about how she ‘loved’ helping poor souls. However, she also made no small stress of the price to those who couldn’t pay.
“Now, here’s the deal,” Adagio said, dragging an unsettled Sunset Shimmer towards her cauldron with a tentacle. “I’ll make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days.” She illustrated with her magic. “Before the end of the third day, you got to get your human to kiss you. Not just any kiss, mind you angelfish. The kiss of true love. If you succeed, you’ll remain human, permanently.”
Sunset watched in wonder, as an image of herself appeared running wild and free on human legs! It was almost too good to be true.
“But, if they don’t,” Adagio continued, the lights shifting from a warm red to a cold blue as Adagio spelled out the display Sunset saw. “You’ll turn back into a mermaid, and...” She paused to let her words sink in as the mini Sunset Shimmer was dragged into the cauldron. “You’ll belong, to me.”
Sunset shrank back. Three days? If she could get a kiss, then all her dreams would come true. However, if she failed, she would lose her soul? Sure, she was hurt, but was she really that desperate?
“Oh, and few other things to consider!” Adagio interrupted before Sunset could think it over more. “Firstly, it will mean you can never come home, but that’s life, isn’t it? On top of that, we haven't discussed the matter of payment. Now I’m not asking much!'' She said, halting Sunset’s protest. “And, just the smallest of things. You won’t even miss it. What I want from you is,” She lifted up the mermaid’s chin, and in the most sinister way she could, said, “your voice.”
Sunset’s eyes widened in horror, before narrowing her gaze. “Yeah, no.”
Adagio frowned. “Pardon?”
“I said no. No thanks.” Sunset confirmed, pushing away Adagio’s hand.
“No? What do you mean no?!” Adagio asked, raising up her arms for emphasis. “You can’t say no!”
“I just did,” Sunset said as she pushed one of Adagio’s tentacles off her. “You seriously think anyone would be stupid enough to fall for something like that? And don’t give me some, your a busy woman to try and rush me. You need me more than I need you.”
“Well, um,” Adagio stammered. “You’ll still have… body language?” she meekly offered.
Sunset slapped her forehead, then called out past the fourth wall, “Twilight!”
. ☀️🐟🐟🐟🎣
In the CHS auditorium, Twilight Sparkle the human, let out a sigh. “Yes, Sunset?”
Her best friend, Sunset Shimmer, also a human, although had once been a unicorn, slapped the script with the back of her hand. “Twilight, you can’t seriously expect anyone would buy this, do you?”
Besides her, one Adagio Dazzle, former siren now human, tisked. “Oh you’d be surprised what boys will do if you promise to show a little skirt.”
“Adagio,” Twilight warned.
“What?” Adagio said, hands held up, “I was just trying to be, what do you call it? Oh! Being funny.”
Twilight took in a breath and looked around the circle of chairs that made up the cast for this year’s musical, The Little Mermaid. Featuring, but wasn’t limited to; Adagio Dazzle, Sonata Dusk, Aria Blaze, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Sandlewood, Derpy Hooves, Flash Sentry, and of course, Sunset Shimmer. Who would play the role of Ariel. With Twilight Sparkle as the musical’s director.
“Okay, fine,” Twilight admitted, adjusting her glasses. “It does sound… A little unrealistic.”
“Said the magical pony girl,” one of the extra’s coughed.
Twilight shot a glare in his direction. “That aside, if it’s going to be enough of a problem to where you don’t want the role—
“No!” Sunset said quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was let any of her friend down after auditioning and being told she was perfect for the role. “I’m good. Apart from the whole, make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you-in-a-short-amount-of-time-without-your-voice-or-lose-your-soul, I like everything else about this chick. Don’t know why, but this Ariel really speaks to me.” And she meant that in more ways than by the fact she herself was a unicorn turned human.
“You mean being strong headed, especially when competitive, and,” One of the students started to absentmindedly say, when Rainbow Dash kicked them in the knee.
There was a moment of awkward silence between the students groans of pain, before Twilight suggested, “Why don’t we take a little break, everybody? Stretch our legs, get a drink, and meet back in five minutes?”
When no one objected, and even started to rise from their seats, Twilight whispered to Sunset, “Hey, what matters isn’t who you were, but who you are. And right now, you’re one of the best friends a girl could ask for.”
Sunset smiled softly, feeling a flutter in her heart to those words. “I know, Twi. But what can you do when you’re forever trying to reform from your past actions?”
They looked towards the Dazzlings, noticing Sonata getting a text message. When Aria and Adagio seemed to ask about it, Sonata colored and excused herself for the auditorium.
“Yeah,” Twilight snickered. “Crazy times we live in.”
There was a pause, the two of them looking awkwardly at each other before Twilight sputtered, “I need a drink!” and walked off.
Sunset shook her head in bemusement , then sat back into her chair. Opting instead to spend her break time reading ahead in the script to see what happened next.
. 🎭 🧜♀️ ☀️ 🌟 
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I'll admit, I did not see that twist coming!
Aria wanted to play Sunset's role, but was worried she'd turn into a font.
So if thus isn't done, why is this marked Complete? And I don't care what your "reasons" are.
Putting pictures directly in the story never looks good.
That said, Sunset does fit Ariel's role to a T. Adagio, to a lesser extent, also does with Ursula's.
But Twilight, either version, fails miserably to fit into Eric's role. I don't see how you got she did.
Honestly, only Sunset and Adagio as who they play, make any sense at all. The rest don't make much sense. Even by Equestria Girls standards.
awesome story mate keep it up i hope you write the whole the little mermaid 1 story soon
10696716
-because I’m a derp >.>
Thanks for telling me ^^’ changed it
-like I said, this is kind of more an experimental writing thing that takes a few risk. May not go over well and get me more down than upvotes, but I still appreciate the feedback for me to try and make the risks pay off as well as I can ❤️
-yeah, when I requested Z make the foot art, I was thinking of all the parallels with Ariel and Sunset ^.^
Adagio kind of came more as a second thought, but I agree with how she fits
And how do you know Flash won’t be Eric? :p
okay, Sci-Twi will be Eric in TLM segments. And I tried to write it as FlashShimer (if only to make Z’s job easier) but you’ll soon see the reason for it will be made more clear as the story progresses I couldn’t have it any other way
Hope to see you for the continuation of this
I love this so far!!
If I were you, though, I would look at some of your spelling and some sentence fragments that you left in the story. A few words are missing letters and some sentences sound like they’re missing words.
10697008
Every time no mater how hard I try 😞
What I’d kill for the world greatest editor
Love the story so far! Do you think perhaps Puppy Spike could be part of the play or just have a scene or two including him?
10697091
I can help you edit some things if you want
10697868
Yay 😁
Well atm having a little technical trouble with Google docs :/ but I’ll keep you and your comment in mind, although feel free, if you can/want, try pointing (copy paste) some issues you see
10697975
Will do!
- glup should be “gulp”
- The highlighted sentence is incomplete. A good way to fix this is to say “she came” instead of “coming”
- “Begging” and the rest of the sentence could all be a part of the previous sentence followed by a comma
- “we” should be capitalized
- The “Her” at the beginning doesn’t make any sense for a description sentence. What would be better is if you said “She had...”
- This sentence is incomplete. Adding “appeared” in place of the first comma should fix it. Also, the “It” is missing a “t”
- “If” should be lowercased
- The 2nd highlighted section doesn’t need a comma
-“you’ll” should be capitalized
-“and” should have an ellipses (...) after it to show a pause
-I would take out this bolded section because it makes the sentence too lengthy and the detail isn’t necessary
- Should be “With”
- There should be an ellipses after “role”
- This part should have dashes in between each phrase to make the words sound more rushed (ex. magical-horse-that-can-fly-and-shoot-lasers)
- The last bolded part doesn’t make any sense. A good way to rephrase it is to say “more in how” or “by how”
- The “and” needs a dash (—) afterwards
- “Maters” is missing a “t”
- Take out “with”
- A period would be more fitting here than the ellipses
10699287
Sweet :)
I’ll insert your suggested edits later and send you the next chapter to be released DM shortly after
10699366
Sounds great! :)
10699366
It’s me trying to make it sound less like exposition
Change the second to last sentence saying this at the beginning "With her long curly blond hair"
Your choice Sunset. But of course her answer is obvious...
She*
Missing a " at the end.
one*
And*
11392435
Yay! You got to this story 😁
I would seriously consider committing crimes to hear Kasumi Evans sing "Poor Unfortunate Souls". That is all.