The Zebra Empire once stood at the pinnacle of the world, but a Vengeful Sun burned the once great empire to the ground and all of it's allies. For several thousand years, the remnants of this tragedy crawled their way back.
Page generated in 0.016 seconds
Total duration
665 users online
728,048 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice chapter, the ending was very intriguing, it looks like Celestia has recognized Zakia.
-A butterfly with bat wings encased in a fang, a diamond encased in pearls and wings enveloped in a rainbow.-
Is it referring to Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash?
Duuuud!
I'm glad you're back to writing. you are appreciated!
The chapter has a very important point at the end, since it goes without saying that when it comes to sexual scenes, you still have exquisite taste.
But I must emphasize the ending and finally the introduction of Celestia, which opens the way for future chapters and the imminent clash of both characters. Which I certainly look forward to for a long time.
Talking more about this could be considered Spoiler, but I can certainly say that the cult that Celestia is given pleases me, especially considering that the princess is taken as a goddess.
Good chapter bro. I look forward to the next one!
11140158
Keep reading and find out.
11140210
~ That was my doing, most of the lore and world building content is done by me as this was originally a large commission I got from Holo years ago but it evolved into a collaborative written story. Holo does a majority of the smut if not all of the smut to be honest.
Might come off as a bit egotistical, but am proud of the world building. So I felt the need to correct you on that one. Cause am rather pleased with how well the world building has been taken so far. Really is a bit of an ego boost.
~If you liked the intro, wait till you see what me and Holo have planned so far. :D
~I wont spoil anything, but keep reading. You wont be disappointed.
~Thanks for the comments as well. Keep reading, you wont be disappointed. :D
Even regardless of smell hard work before fun always makes it better. It releases endomorphins.
Maybe go a little bit more into why the mares love him. Like that he makes them feel like mares and let them act on their natural instincts. Maybe also Applejack taking pride of being strong enough to take him at full force.
Applejack is a very proud pony so I would kind of like her to keep that. Your writing is very hot and they don't feel like sex dolls but their personality still feels a little too generic.
Your porn never cease to please me. You really are a master of this art. And, welcome back.
There's some progression in the plot it seems. Cult of Celestia... ominous. A question: Where's Granny Smith in all this? I would love to see a rejuvenated Granny Smith submit into being a loyal Zebra slut...
Hope to see more in the distant future with more mares submitting to Zakias' superior cock!
11140989
Thanks for the feedback, If they sound Generic. Would you mind providing me with some examples of how'd you do it so I have reference of what you mean. What's considered a personality can be varied, So I'd love some examples of how'd you resolve that.
11141043
Can't say, would result in spoilers. Just keep reading, you'll learn soon. :3
11141800
Like Applejack is a very prideful individual so she would take pride in her abilities. Not just be a mare lusting for a stallion. She would take pride in that strength and that he is a worthy one for her. She would also think you need to earn things so she would pleasure him not just because he's musky but also because he earned it.
Applebloom is more so focused on adulthood so she would be wanting to be a mare rather than a filly.
11141898
~I think you missed a few things about her, long before Zakia even arrived. She and her siblings all had a thing for Zebra's. This was displayed by her curiosity and intense interest in Zebra's and the history they have. That coupled with the fact that Zakia himself is a walking fantasy to her. That's not even including Zakia's blessing taking effect on her or his musk.
~So while I agree to a degree about Applejack, I do disagree about her wanting him to earn it. Because as I mentioned above, Zakia is a walking fantasy to her. One she's seen fuck her own sister and started to even play with herself. So her moral high ground things like sex isnt very high to begin with.
~Even without the Siri, The Blessing or his musk. The way Applejack and her siblings are presented, is they have a huge thing for Zebra's. I also don't believe her to be a prude, I honestly see her and her siblings to be far more pent up than others because, because they are always working for the most part. Because they are hard workers, personal time would be limited. This is also why Big Mac shows so much more energy when the twins are around, they appeal to him and tickle his fancy and they are showing an active interest in him.
~Not how she's portrayed, in this story she is far more tomboy than worried about wanting to be a mare, which is so vague and none descriptive that it can be taken many ways unless its said exactly what she sees as "being a mare". Which I don't feel is productive for her character with the direction she's being taken.
Thank you for the feedback, I hope this helps.
11142950
Indeed and that's fine. But they also still should have their base personality. Just the way they do things.
Since he is that she would want him to be her ideal so she would want to see him live up to that. He did that in the story but you didn't really give the impression that it was important.
I'm fine with that but you should still keep in mind their canon personality. If you don't then "Applejack" is just a name and nothing more. I also don't believe Applejack to be prude but she would have a thing for pride. She likes to take pride in things like her athletic abilities or in this case her fuckability.
I said "mare instead of a filly" so I meant an adult. Growing up comes up with Applebloom all the time so why not play off of that? Make her fucking be her showing that she is not just a little foal anymore?
11143587
~Who is they?
~I disagree with this, it sounds more like self imposing what she should be like, less than offering suggestions on how to improve her current direction or character. Cause right now, she's still an extremely hard worker. Does she honor strength? To a degree but its not a defining factor. With how they are portrayed that, its made very clear that Zebra's are of extreme interest to them despite Granny Smith's feelings towards them. She wants to learn about them and their history. Zakia not only tickles her personal fantasies and interest, he also knows things about Zebra History she doesn't know and she wants to learn more. She has a vested interest in Zebra's that go beyond just it being a sexual interest. Also as the story goes, characters do evolve and change. Something that will be shown through the story and not just one person but many.
~Once again, you're making self imposed instructions than suggestions. At this point, it's not welcomed. Cause you're saying to change her to something that suits what you like more. I accept critism and feedback, but I don't accept orders pretending to be feedback. I honestly find it extremely disrespectful. I'm a bit disappointed because I was really hoping for some feedback on how to improve her personality, not replace it.
~She's not a foal? She's a young adult, but she's not a minor in anyway shape or form. There are no underage characters in sexual situations in this story, your implication says she under 18. That's a pretty severe implication that I don't appreciate even slightly.
Please keep in mind though, that this isn't canon and so the canon personalities aren't applied but they are pulled from as reference to build up. Cause by canon personalities, the Celestia display that was shown is totally out of line with her canon wise and should be subject to such 'criticism'
I wish you well, I hope you will enjoy future chapters. 😁
11143835
AJ and AB.
I know. It's just I didn't really know how else to explain it other than stating what I would do.
But nothing about it really gives me the feeling "That's AJ's way of doing things".
If you have a different idea as to what their canon personalities are please tell me. Right now it just doesn't really feel like you couldn't swap out AJ for maybe Rainbow Dash. I would still like to see more of AJ's original show personality reflected in her current behavior.
I try to not do that but it's pretty difficult to quite nail that subtle difference. It's something I still struggle with and even now I am trying to see where I went wrong.
That wasn't what I meant. 18 is still young and a consistent theme with her characters is growing up. That can still be a part of her at 18. Of course growing up is my idea but I would still like if you make some sort of callback to a conflict in the show. Like maybe cutie pox how she lied and now is being honest about her feelings. Or maybe troubleshoes in that she was very intimidated but relaxes cause she knews big stallions aren't scary.
I see. I hope you will keep pushing that.
One domination technique that would be very effective is to have lesser stallions that mares still have to pay respect to. Not femboys but that they are stallions but inferior to zebra's in every way. After all everything in life is relative so something is only big if the average is smaller.
Just wanted to say that I really liked the direction of this particular chapter.
Felt a bit more playful than previous chapters, and had a bit more perspective from AJ's point of view as well as Zakia's.
Looking forward to finding out where we go from here
11149737
That was one of the intents, trying to put more perspectives out in the story and go beyond just seeing Zakia's or Zecora's.