Princess’ Love
The pillow offered little relief for my downtrodden spirits. I wanted to cry into it, feeling like that might help, but for some reason, tears wouldn’t come. How was that possible all of a sudden? They usually came bursting out of my eyes too easily, whether or not I wanted them and whether or not the moment was appropriate! In fact, they often picked the worst possible moment! So where were they now? Had I cried so much in the past that I’d used up all the tears I had in me? It certainly felt like I’d used more than a lifetime of tears in my youth alone!
So how was I supposed to calm myself now? The walk through the city had been a disaster! How was this different from my days on the run? Spike had assured me that things would get better now that I was a legal citizen of the Crystal Empire, but with constant guard escort, it didn’t feel like I was here legally, and that was how it must have looked like to the ponies! And Sunburst had insisted that I’d find it much easier to befriend ponies now that I had some understanding of their culture and way of life, but what good of it if ponies weren’t willing to be around me long enough to let me make use of that knowledge? We should have known it wouldn’t work! But what could we have done instead? I had no idea! Would Sunburst? Hopefully this plan wasn’t his last resort for helping me! I’d have to find him and ask! But how to do that without offending him?
Later, I decided. I had to calm down first! Some tears would really help now!
Come on, tears… just a few… just one, even…
It was pointless. I still couldn’t cry, and my soul was still a disappointed mess. Disappointed in the promises that hadn’t come true, disappointed in my trust in them, disappointed in my cursed reputation, and above all, disappointed in myself for having failed to achieve what everypony had been telling me was in my reach, I just had to take it! How could I have been so weak? How could I have failed to make use of what my friends had worked so hard to bring me? Was there even a point in trying again if I kept getting the same result every time I tried?
Failure. I let out a heavy sigh.
A knock on the door interrupted my sulking.
What now? I wasn’t in the mood for seeing anypony! I’d rather that whoever-this-was had picked some other time! But would they get offended if I told them to go away? I was already struggling to earn others’ affection; would I only make things worse by refusing to see them? And what if I was in trouble again? I doubted that Shining Armor would bother to knock before entering, but if this was him, he could mistake my sullen mood for unwillingness to cooperate and introduce more restrictions or even lock me up!
Better to just get it over with, I decided. With any luck, it would be Sunburst coming to check on how my adventure had gone.
Please let it be Sunburst…
“Come in,” I sighed, raising my head from the pillow slightly and pulling it into an awkward hug.
My visitor was none other than Princess Cadance.
“I heard you finally went out today,” she said cheerfully. “How was it?”
“I… survived.” I didn’t feel like I had, but why trouble her? She had more important things to do than be bothered with my incompetence!
She caught on regardless. Her face turned serious and she sat next to me.
“What happened?” she asked gently.
Her compassionate gaze and the warm aura of her love tempted me to cave in and tell her everything, to surrender myself to her hug and cry my heart out on her shoulder, and to beg for her help and understanding, but I resisted it with everything I had left in me. She was a leader of a kingdom; she had thousands of ponies to look after, thousands of ponies’ well-being to work towards… why would she waste her precious time with a lousy changeling who couldn’t go one day without messing something up? Why would I burden her with something I should have figured out on my own a long time ago? I bit my tongue and looked away.
“Thorax, I can see things didn’t go well. Why don’t you tell me about it?”
“It’s not worth your time,” I whispered.
“It is worth my time! You are my subject and my friend, and I’m trying to help you! It’s plain as day that you need it!”
“I’m pretty sure I’m beyond help by now,” I muttered.
“That’s not true and you know it!” She touched my foreleg. “Whatever happened out there is eating you out, and I have a feeling that it’s the same kind of problem as something you’ve faced before. Am I right?”
I hesitated momentarily, then nodded.
“Then let’s hear it.”
“I don’t know, Princess… I hate to bother you…”
“Thorax, listen to me. We’ve been through this already, and you agreed to be honest with me about everything that’s troubling you. This is one of those times. You’re hurting, and it hurts me to see you like that!”
“Princess…”
“Come on, out with it,” she persisted.
After a long sigh, I relented and told her everything. I told her about Sunburst’s insistence that I go out and put our lessons into practice; I told her about the ponies’ disapproving stares, and the narrowly-avoided fight, and my panicked retreat, and the clumsy incident at the market, and the group of fillies and colts, and the disgusted mares. I told her about my eagerness to prove Sunburst right, and about my initial confidence and high hopes, and about how they got gradually crushed with every encounter gone awry. Finally, I told her not to beat herself up over it; it wasn’t her fault that ponies couldn’t stand a changeling in their midst, and whatever I’d done to make them hate me, I had only myself to blame for it.
“Oh, Thorax, it isn’t your fault that they won’t give you a chance!” she said in the end. “Why do you blame yourself for everything bad that happens to you?”
“Who else would I blame? I must have done something I shouldn’t have, whether or not I realized it!”
“You didn’t do anything wrong! In fact, you’re doing your best to do everything right! It’s the others who are refusing to let you get there!”
I didn’t know what to say. She was blaming the ponies for my failures?
“You know,” she said, “I might have an idea how to help you. I’ve got some royal duties to attend to first, so can you meet me in the throne room in about an hour?”
“I will, Princess,” I agreed. Whether or not whatever her idea was would work, I wasn’t one to disobey her wishes!
“Very well, then,” she said, getting up. “See you in an hour!”
By the time the hour was up, I’d managed to calm myself somewhat, hopefully enough to not present too many difficulties for whatever the Princess had in mind. Some residual insecurity still lingered, though, and Trusty Shield’s response to being told where I was going this time only made it stronger.
“The throne room?” he repeated incredulously. “You have no business there!”
“Princess Cadance invited me there when she dropped by an hour ago,” I explained.
“And I’m supposed to believe that?!”
“It’s the truth, so…” I shrugged. “...yeah.”
“I’ll say! Fine, let’s go there! I’d love to see a repeat of you getting your rump kicked!”
Though I was sure I’d understood Cadance’s words correctly, his attitude was causing me to doubt myself. What if he was right? What if I got turned away and laughed at? What if I got punished for trying to enter an area beyond my clearance level? What if Cadance had deliberately set me up and-
Hold it there. She wouldn’t have done that! She’d been nice to me all along and her aura of love was genuine! She’d helped me whenever she could so far! Why would she change her approach all of a sudden?
But it wasn’t a long way to the throne room, and we were approaching its open doors now. A guard stood at each side of the entrance, and more guards were lined up on each side of the carpet leading to the throne. Beyond them sat Cadance, tended to by a few crystal ponies, one of which held Flurry Heart’s basket. Flurry herself was playing with a plush turtle in her mother’s lap.
I stopped in my tracks momentarily. Shining had forbidden me to come near Flurry! He’d do all kinds of bad, painful - very painful - things to me if I disobeyed that! As long as she was there, I couldn’t go into the throne room!
But Cadance had specifically told me to come to the throne room now! I couldn’t disobey her either! Why had she put me in such a tricky situation?
Come on, Thorax, there has to be a reasonable explanation for this! Maybe I’d gotten the time wrong? Or maybe it had slipped Cadance’s mind that Flurry would be here at the same time? Unless she was just finishing up her business with Flurry and would be free to deal with me in a moment… Nothing unexpected had happened to change her plans at the last moment, had it?
What should I do?
“Well?” Trusty Shield prodded me.
I took that as a signal to keep walking, albeit hesitantly. I’d probably have to approach her, one way or another; even if Cadance couldn’t see me as she’d planned, how would I know that unless I got to her so she could tell me?
Except that I couldn’t go to her. As soon as I’d approached the doors, the two guards crossed their spears in front of me, denying me entrance!
I winced and retreated a couple of steps. Okay, I get the point! I’m leaving! Don’t hurt me!
“At ease, gentlecolts,” Cadance called out from her throne. “I told you I was expecting him!”
They withdrew their spears and stepped aside. I walked in even more hesitantly.
“You’re right on time, Thorax! I hope you’re up for another walk in the town?”
Another walk?! No! I’d had plenty of those for a long while, thank you very much! But if she wanted me to go through all of that again, who was I to refuse? I was her subject, and as such, it was my duty to do whatever she wanted me to do, especially since she’d been so kind to me so far! Besides, I might have had no choice from the start; I’d assumed that whatever she wanted to do to help me would involve remaining in the castle, but she’d never explicitly said so. Maybe I’d gotten it all wrong and help awaited somewhere else?
“I am, Princess,” I said.
“Then let’s go!”
She got up from her throne and gave Flurry’s toy to the mare with the basket. Then, instead of passing the filly to somepony, she took a harness and put Flurry in it and secured the other end around herself. It was a kind of harness-leash-and-harness thing that allowed a foal to fly around freely within a certain distance from its mother without worrying that it’d wander away and get lost, complete with a saddlebag for supplies and an adjustable saddle the foal could sit or sleep on when he or she got tired from flying. I’d seen a few pegasi use such harnesses in Canterlot and Vanhoover during my journey, and apparently Cadance had one too.
Flurry sat on her mother’s saddle and they approached the gate. I stared at them, unsure again if I’d gotten Cadance’s intentions right. Had she forgotten Shining’s orders? Had they changed and nopony had thought to tell me?
“What’s the matter?” she asked, noticing my confusion.
“I hadn’t realized that Flurry was coming along,” I admitted.
“You’re worried about Shining, aren’t you?”
“...yes.”
“I’ll handle him if he complains! Don’t worry, you’re safe with me!”
I followed her as she trotted to the staircase leading outside. Trusty Shield tagged along in respectful silence, but I got the impression that he was itching to say something. Maybe a request for clarification of orders for this occasion, maybe a subtle and respectful suggestion to the Princess to reconsider letting a changeling come in contact with her daughter, or maybe another remark aimed at me. Maybe all of the above? The first two probably didn’t matter, but if I was his main issue, I would undeniably hear plenty of it in due time!
Before we got out into the streets, another thing ocurred to me.
“Princess, if you don’t mind me asking, would I do better to disguise myself for this purpose?”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t, or what I have in mind has little point.”
“How so?” Was I allowed to ask that?
“You’ll see,” she smiled reassuringly.
The clearing beneath the castle was still empty, to my momentary relief, and Cadance took a moment to look around herself as if deciding where to go. Was she simply enjoying the view? How long had she been stuck in the castle? Eventually she settled for the direction of Quartz Street. I groaned inwardly; for some reason, that was the street with the biggest crowd in sight at the moment! Couldn’t she have picked some other path, one without a crowd that could turn into an angry mob instantly upon seeing me? Would her presence be enough to prevent that? I was about to find out, but hopefully it wouldn’t happen the hard way!
“My,” she said to herself as she walked, “it’s such a lovely day today, isn’t it? So warm and beautiful!”
“Yes, it is lovely,” I agreed hesitantly, feeling like I was expected to say something. But was I? What if she preferred me to keep my mouth shut? Trusty Shield certainly thought so; he shoved me and put a wingtip over his mouth in a ‘shhh!’ gesture.
Cadance noticed the exchange and frowned at him. He got the message and withdrew, but kept his scowl aimed at me. Flurry took this as her cue to fly up to him and make silly faces. If her intention was to get him to loosen up, it wasn’t working, but at least it kept his eyes off me, if only temporarily. I expected Cadance to call her off and scold her for distracting a guard on duty, but she pretended not to notice. She had noticed, though, and her aura of love got a little bit brighter. She was enjoying this, wasn’t she? Or was she simply happy that her daughter was attempting to socialize? Yes, it had to be that, I decided. Flurry was probably too young to be trained in manners and to be expected to know rules! Even Queen Chrysalis, strict and ruthless as she was, didn’t expect flawless discipline from larvae of Flurry’s age!
“I hope you don’t mind the crowd, Thorax,” Cadance said as we approached the many groups of ponies. “The school has given foals and their parents free tickets to the new Pablo Pegaso exhibition that’s on display in the museum as of a few days ago. I’d forgotten the tickets were for today!”
A museum exhibition? That explained the crowd and why they were all there specifically! I hadn’t paid attention before, but now that she’d mentioned it, most of the groups did consist of fillies and colts accompanied by adults, and they were all gathered near the building that Spike had said was the museum while giving me a tour of the town! I just had to survive passing through this stretch of the street, and things would hopefully get easier later when the crowds thin out!
‘Surviving’ was the correct expression, from the looks of it. Most parents scowled at me, some hugged their children or stood between them and me, and some looked ready to rip me apart at the slightest excuse. The foals were mostly either scared or confused, though one or two attempted to come closer before being stopped and pulled back. Once again, I fought the urge to flee or shapeshift into a harmless object. Or both.
Cadance was undeterred by this. She strode on confidently, eliciting short and mostly automatic and absent-minded bows from her subjects before they returned to display their opinion on the insectoid newcomer.
“Sunburst has told you about the exhibition, hasn’t he?” she asked me. “Are you planning to see it?”
“No, I don’t recall him mentioning it. We were busy discussing other things most of the time.”
“Your lessons, I presume?”
“Yes… and occasionally my feeding practice.”
“Now that you mention it, I hope you’re getting enough food? I know you haven’t been able to make a lot of friends yet, but are the few of us enough to sustain you?”
Us. Not ‘them’! Though nervous as I was, her choice of words hadn’t sailed over my head! If only I could hug her!
“Yes, Princess.” Should I say it? “I’m getting more than I expected I might…”
“Well, the Crystal Empire is known for its love abundance!”
“I think there might be more to it, though I’m not sure how yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“A hug from Sunburst usually gives me enough love to keep me sated for a full day. For comparison, a standard meal of love drained from cocooned prey, while I was still doing that in the hive, had been barely enough to keep me going, and I would still feel hungry even immediately after feeding. Everyling felt more or less the same way as far as I know, but if any of us took more than what was permitted to a single drone based on rank and assigned duties, that drone would get punished severely enough that the extra love wouldn’t have paid off in the end. But here, not only am I sated regularly, but I’ve also had one or two occasions when the same amount of love I normally permit myself to take had sated me many times over, and without damaging Sunburst at all!”
“You’re saying that love is more nutritious when given freely than when taken by force?”
“Much more nutritious!”
“What about the times when you got even more love? How does that work?”
“We haven’t been able to find an explanation yet.”
Flurry chose that moment to interrupt the conversation by tugging on her mother’s mane and babbling while pointing her hoof at a building with a bunch of toys on display in the window.
“Oh dear, it looks like Flurry might be getting another toy,” she sighed. “Not that she doesn’t have plenty already, but it’s so hard to say no to those cute little eyes, isn’t it?”
I had to agree with that. Okay, time for some unplanned toy-shopping! Or toy-observing in my case. I would have liked to buy Flurry a toy, but that wasn’t going to happen as long as I didn’t have any money to pay for it!
Would they even let me in?
“Care to come with us?” Cadance asked.
“Sure!”
She entered the shop first, with Flurry sitting on her head, and I cast a glance back at the crowd of museum patrons. They still hadn’t taken their eyes off me, but their glares weren’t as piercing and hate-filled as they’d been a minute ago! It was still a long way from feeling their eagerness around me, but if I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t have believed that such an abrupt change was possible! Could it have really been the Princess’ presence alone that had made a difference? She hadn’t cast any spells on the crowd!
Pleasantly but cautiously dumbfounded, I entered the shop. Trusty Shield followed, only to be halted by the apparent owner of the shop. Or was she an employee?
“No weapons allowed in the shop,” she declared, frowning at him.
“What am I supposed to do? Leave the spear in the street unattended?”
“I don’t care, but that spear is a safety hazard around foals! What if one of them gets injured?”
“Why don’t you wait outside, Trusty Shield?” Cadance suggested. “We won’t be long!”
“What about the changeling?” he protested as politely as he could. “Isn’t he a safety hazard?”
“Not this changeling,” Cadance countered. “He knows how to behave himself!”
“If you insist, Princess,” he relented and got out.
By then, Flurry was already flying around the shop, gurgling excitedly at the many toys and taking some of them in her magic.
“She’s such a cute filly and getting cuter every day,” the shopkeeper said to Cadance, watching Flurry. “You must be very proud of her!”
“We are,” Cadance replied.
“And I don’t believe we’ve met,” she turned to me. “You’re the new changeling the whole town's talking about, aren’t you?”
“I’m Thorax. Pleased to meet you!”
“The pleasure is mine! I’m Whirligig, the shop’s owner.”
“And you’re not afraid of me?”
“Well… I admit I was at first when we heard you were here, but then you befriended Spike and got permission to live in the Empire, and I trust the Princess’ judgment on such things, even if the majority of the town has their misgivings about you. I’m actually more curious about you than anyth-”
A loud crash from behind a stack of shelves interrupted her mid-sentence, followed by sounds of a crying foal and its mother’s scolding.
“Dear me!” Whirligig said turning to the source of the sounds. “I’m sorry, Princess, Thorax, but I must see what’s going on there!”
When she was out of sight, Cadance glanced at Flurry, who was still busy looking at toys and unfazed by the commotion, then reached into her saddlebag and took out a small pouch.
“Would you like to buy Flurry a toy?” she whispered to me.
“But I don’t have any money!”
“You do now.” She winked and put the pouch in my hoof.
I opened it. Gold shimmered inside, and though this was my first time holding something like it, I knew what it was: bits of various denominations, and more than enough of them to cover the expense of any toy I could see!
“I appreciate it, Princess, but I can’t take this! It’s too much!”
“Nonsense! This is your money now, and I should have given it to you sooner!”
“But why so much? What am I supposed to do with it all?”
“Whatever you want! You can buy Flurry a toy, or you can buy things for yourself, or use it to travel around Equestria, or save it for the future, to name just a few options. It’s entirely up to you!”
I looked at the pouch. I’d never had any possessions, let alone money, and this seemed like an awful lot of it! Ponies who used money on a regular basis might have thought of this amount of it otherwise, but I couldn’t bring myself to claim it all for myself! A much smaller sum, maybe, but this…
“Thorax, it’s fine!” Cadance said, noticing my hesitation. “Do I have to command you to accept it?”
“Fine,” I relented. “They won’t go to waste, I promise!”
Soon enough, Whirligig finished her business with the other customers and emerged from behind the shelves. Flurry chose about that same moment to finish her process of toy selection and landed on Cadance’s back with a plush phoenix in her hooves, babbling contently.
“Made your choice, little Flurry?” Whirligig smiled at her.
“It would appear so,” Cadance confirmed.
“That’ll be thirty bits, please!”
I approached the cash register and counted the money from my newly-acquired pouch. I’d told Cadance that the money she’d given me wouldn’t go to waste, and so far, I’d kept that promise: whatever made little Flurry happy was a good and necessary thing!
“Thank you, Thorax! I hope to see you again soon?”
“I’m sure you will!”
“And I’m sure Flurry Heart will be delighted,” Cadance added. “But we must be on our way now. Have a nice day, Whirligig!”
“You too, Princess!”
I waved Whirligig goodbye on my way out. Trusty Shield was waiting leaned on a decorative crystal, but snapped to attention upon seeing the Princess and immediately resumed his duty of watching me. He raised an eyebrow at the pouch I’d placed on my back and tied around my wing to make sure I wouldn’t lose it, but made no comment on it.
As we made a turn into Lazurite Street, I glanced back at the crowd in front of the museum. It seemed to have thinned a little - either the ponies had gone in, or left for their homes, or the distance had made it harder to estimate their numbers - but those who remained were paying us less attention than before. I was pretty sure that they’d noticed us, but though the trend of them not caring about my presence might continue on its own, I was sure the increased distance between them and myself helped.
Lazurite and Topaz Streets were less crowded, which helped me relax and allowed for an easier conversation with Princess Cadance.
“You were telling me about your lessons with Sunburst earlier,” she said. “Have you made much progress?”
“He says so, but I think he’s being generous. I keep discovering new things that I don’t know and it’s prolonged what should have been a short lesson significantly! And I still don’t see the end of it approaching!”
“What’s the lesson about?”
“Everyday life in pony society, for the lack of a better term. You know, manners, and ponies’ habits, and phrases and nuances of spoken words in everyday conversations, and the core values that are reflected in everyday life, that sort of thing. Stuff I would have learned in the hive if I’d paid attention and completed my infiltration training instead of having all the drill instructors give up trying to teach me.”
She frowned a little as if confused.
“So you struggled with learning it before, but not now?”
“Sunburst thinks it’s because of a different focus. They wanted to teach me to deceive ponies, and now I’m learning to genuinely accept your ways and live with you as I am. And I think he’s right; I have been paying much more attention to him than to my old drill instructors. Not to mention that he’s a great teacher, too! He has so much patience with me and has never refused to answer a question, not to mention that he never resorts to punishing me if I don’t get something on the first try!” I cringed at the memories of my training days as a recruit nymph. “Drill instructor Chameleon never missed a chance to write me up for disciplinary measures whenever I tried to introduce a non-hostile twist into her infiltration scenarios and drill instructor Carnage liked to trap me in a dry cocoon and have the rest of the group feed on me whenever I lost a sparring session… which was every time I had to partake in a sparring session… Being stuck in a ball of resinous slime and getting drained is not a pleasant experience…” I shuddered.
We passed by a florist’s shop. I forced the unsettling memories out of my mind, only to have them replaced by another worry: Trusty Shield had seen my flower earlier today. Was he going to report my unusual behavior? Had he reported it already? Would Shining get suspicious about the flower, mistake it for a disguised changeling perhaps, and have it investigated until it gets damaged or destroyed? I’d hate for that to happen! Was there something I could do about it?
I forced that thought aside too, and just in time, because Cadance was speaking to me again.
“I didn’t realize that changelings feed on other changelings!”
“Not usually. Ponies and similar creatures are the main source of food for us, but there have been sporadic cases of one changeling feeding on another when they were stuck in a situation without access to other food sources. The feeding I mentioned earlier is actually a form of punishment, though Chrysalis is the one who does it more often than regular drones, usually before executing a drone who has committed a transgression, which isn’t to say that she doesn’t drain drones who are expected to survive their punishment.”
“How do you know so much about this? Chrysalis’ methods of punishing her subjects, I mean.”
“The executions are public, meaning every drone not deployed to other lands is obliged to watch and could face punishment themselves for failing to show up without a very good reason, and as for the rest… it isn’t public in the same sense, but anyling who happens to be nearby is permitted to stay and watch, and I’ve been on the receiving end at least a dozen times. Probably more. I didn’t bother to keep track.”
She and a few nearby ponies cringed.
“No wonder you escaped! I hope Flurry hasn’t been listening to all this!” She turned her head around as far as it would go.
“I’d say she’s been pretty occupied with her phoenix.”
“Good,” she sighed, obviously relieved to hear that. “Anyway, you were telling me about your lessons. You said familiarizing yourself with pony way of life has taken longer than expected, but from what I’ve seen today, I think you’re getting there pretty well. Any idea what you’ll be learning next?”
“Sunburst intended to start with local geography before it turned out that my priorities were different, but I’ve already finished a book on that that he’d left with me, so I’m not sure.”
A group of ponies passed us by. One or two looked like they were about to start shouting at me, but the sight of Princess Cadance inspired them to get on their best behavior much like had been the case with the museum patrons. The whole group slowed down to a near-halt and stared at us.
I cowered under their glare, but Cadance chose to ignore them and trotted on gracefully as ever.
“I think I saw him carry more than one book to your room,” she said to me instead.
“He did. I’ve finished some and am halfway through the others.”
“Are they interesting?”
“More or less. I didn’t have many reading opportunities in the hive, unless you count reports and announcement notices, so reading anything is a thrill! And I never knew that books could exist simply for fun! There’s this one about Daring Do-”
She chuckled. “There’s a whole series of books about Daring Do, not just one! Hasn’t Sunburst told you?”
“I didn’t ask… wait, how do you know about those books?”
“Because Twilight adores them! Okay, there probably isn’t a book in existence that she doesn’t adore, but she read the first few while I was still her foalsitter and I couldn’t not know about them if I’d tried, even though I’m not as much of a fan of the genre as she is. Then there was an incident in Ponyville when she introduced Rainbow Dash to the series - I’m sure they’ll love to tell you about it - and lately, I’ve been in touch with the books again through Sunburst. I honestly wonder how he hasn’t begun to read them to Flurry yet, he’s that obsessed!”
A rustle made us turn around. One of the ponies from the group we’d passed shortly before was trying to follow us covertly and had forgotten to be careful not to brush against bushes.
“Good afternoon, miss,” Cadance addressed her. “Can we help you?”
The mare ignored the Princess and instead fixed her eyes on me.
“You can read?!” she asked.
“Yes… is there a problem?”
“Well, yes - I mean no - I mean, I thought you bugs were savages!”
“Uh…” What should I say to that? The rest of my kind could easily be described that way, whether I liked it or not, but I was the exception… at least I hoped I could consider myself one!
“Thorax isn’t a savage, young lady,” Cadance said in my defense. “He has a good heart!”
“Is that why he isn’t in prison anymore?”
“Yes. That, and because he got put there thanks to somepony overreacting.”
“Why, then, have the guards been searching for him for weeks?”
“Because we didn’t know it at the time. We let our fear of changelings blind us to the possibility that a changeling can be good, and it took a brave act of a friend to open our eyes. I only wish it could have happened sooner!”
“Huh. I don’t know if I can accept it that easily, Princess…”
“At least try,” Cadance suggested. “And if you have any questions, I’ll be happy to help you find the answers.”
The mare nodded slowly.
“Would you like to join us for a walk?” Cadance offered her.
“Oh- Well, I appreciate it, but I’m afraid my friends are waiting for me… gotta go catch up with them!”
She galloped off.
“I don’t think she’s convinced,” I muttered.
“Maybe not now,” Cadance said, “but I hope she’ll get there eventually.”
We trotted on, in silence for a couple of minutes. It wasn’t an unpleasant one; Cadance might have needed a moment to collect her thoughts, or maybe she’d assumed that I needed it. Maybe she was right. I couldn’t expect ponies to all accept me instantly like had been the case with Spike, but at least I - or we - could give them a nudge in the right direction, and they would get there in time.
Soon we were in Aragonite Street. An interesting scent drifted through the air: warm, sweet, and oddly comforting. Flurry seemed to have recognized it sooner than me, as she sat still for a moment, sniffing the air, then went flying excitedly in circles, pointing to a building up ahead.
I didn’t know what she meant until we got a little closer. It was another shop; the doors were open, and inside it, many pastries of various kinds were lined up on display. The scent seemed to be coming from there. I looked at the sign partially obscured by the open doors: Bakery.
Was Flurry hungry?
“Shall I go in there and buy something for her, Princess?” I asked.
“No, she’s supposed to have dinner in the castle, and she won’t be able to eat that if she eats now. She isn’t really hungry, she just got drawn to the smell. Foals are often like that!”
“Okay,” I shrugged.
“Come on, Flurry!” Cadance spoke a little louder to catch Flurry’s attention. “It isn’t dinner time yet! Stop tugging at the harness and come down here!”
No response. Cadance waited a moment longer, then took Flurry in her magic and placed her onto her saddle. Flurry pouted.
“Don’t give me that, missy! You know you can’t be hungry yet! Now sit here and play with your phoenix or there won’t be a bedtime story tonight!”
Flurry relented and sat still on Cadance’s back, hugging the toy and babbling to it dejectedly. A couple of nearby ponies cast a passing glance at her but said nothing. Miraculously, nopony paid any attention to me this time. Had Cadance’s scolding of Flurry been that much of a distraction? I wasn’t under the impression that she’d gone beyond what would be acceptable to ponies, and it wasn’t even worth mentioning by changeling standards! Was I missing something?
Either way, it hurt me to see little Flurry dispirited like that. All her bouncy energy had disappeared, her giggles faded away, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears! I wanted to hug her, to tell her that everything was going to be fine; after all, one missed snack wasn’t the end of the world, and plenty of delicious food was surely awaiting her in the castle! And her mother loved her dearly, even if she wasn’t openly showering her with gifts and sweets all the time!
But I couldn’t hug her; Shining Armor had forbidden it, and I was already stepping out of line by neglecting to distance myself from Flurry even if Princess Cadance had explicitly allowed me to spend an extended amount of time with the little princess! And judging by the look in Trusty Shield’s eyes, he wasn’t going to let me forget it! He must have already prepared a report of these events in his head and would relay it to Shining in due time! This would not end well for me!
“Thorax? What’s wrong?” Cadance suddenly asked.
“...wrong?”
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What happened?”
“Oh… nothing, really…”
“You know you can tell me,” she insisted gently. “I’m worried about you! You seem perfectly fine for a while and then you freak out without warning and for no obvious reason! I don’t know that much about changelings, but this kind of behavior doesn’t seem normal to me! It definitely isn’t normal in ponies!”
I remained silent for a little while and kept my gaze fixed to the ground. What was I supposed to tell her? That her every act of kindness reminded me of things I couldn’t have because there was always somepony who feared me or wanted me dead? That, as much as I appreciated her attempts to help me, I believed myself to be doomed and beyond help at times? That I didn’t deserve the love she was offering me? I’d told her that already!
“Thorax?” she said. “Why won’t you let me help you?”
I looked at her at last. She’d fixed her concerned gaze on me as if nothing else in the world existed anymore; I felt myself shrink helplessly under its genuine warmth, and my heart longed to open up and spill the pain it had endured for so long! But how could I let myself unleash that burden onto the heart so pure, so compassionate, so gloriously untainted by the dark abyss of malice that had been all I’d ever known prior to that life-changing moment when a glimpse of friendship had ignited a spark of light in the neverending darkness?
I stood there lost in my own mind, torn by the need to share my pain with somepony and the desire to spare her of it, when Flurry decided that she’d had enough of my sulking, dropped the phoenix, and flew up to me to embrace me in a hug. I recoiled as if she were a boiling ball of lava, nearly knocking her onto the ground in the process - good thing she was already flapping her wings or she’d have fallen down for sure, and goodness was I about to get in the mother of all troubles for this - and attracting a lot of attention of nearby ponies. As luck would have it, this happened exactly at the intersection of Aragonite, Aquamarine, and Amethyst Streets, almost directly in front of the post office entrance, so a plentiful crowd had gotten to witness my sudden outburst!
Fully expecting to get overwhelmed by the angry mob, and having forgotten in my panic that the Princess could protect me, I curled up on the ground into a shivering, whimpering ball of barely-suppressed urges to shapeshift into something really small and insignificant.
Not long after, when I managed to compose myself just enough to wonder why I wasn’t being beaten up yet, I heard an ‘excuse us’ spoken in a familiar regal voice and felt myself lifted in a magical aura. Princess Cadance carried me almost all the way to the intersection with Emerald Street and laid me onto a nearby bench. Trusty Shield loomed over me with a frown, and Flurry sat close to me, wearing a serious expression on her face, but this time without attempting to make physical contact.
“I appreciate your dedication to duty, Trusty Shield,” Cadance said firmly, “but would you mind giving us some space? You can follow your orders just as well from across the street!”
He obeyed.
Cadance sat on the ground in front of me, once again overwhelming me with that I’m-here-for-you-and-nothing-else-matters gaze and the aura of love that backed it up entirely and indisputably. She touched my hoof and repeated her plea from a minute ago.
“Thorax, you can’t go on like this! Please tell me what’s wrong!”
Was this the motherly love I’d heard ponies talk about? They’d made it sound like one of the strongest, purest, most powerful forces imaginable; the Ultimate Love, so to speak! And I was receiving it from the one pony I’d been led to believe would never do such a thing to a sworn enemy of her kind! But if she’d found it in herself to offer me that much love and kindness - to me, and I was no one to her - how much more was she capable of giving to her friends and family, the ponies she’d have every reason to care about?
“Thorax?” she whispered as if wondering if I was ever going to say anything at all.
Flurry reached out with her hoof hesitantly. Was she trying to find a way to comfort me without sending me into another fit of panic?
“Shining Armor is going to kill me,” I blurted out.
“Why?”
The question had come from an unknown voice and an unexpected direction, snapping me out of my freaked-out trance into a state somewhat alert, just about enough to percieve my surroundings again. Some of the ponies I’d seen around the post office had gathered up around us, but not so close as to overwhelm us.
“Because my husband still doesn’t believe that good changelings exist,” Cadance answered the mare, “and has been overdoing his duty of protecting the Empire by putting ridiculous and unnecessary restrictions on Thorax, one of which is to avoid Flurry.”
“No offense, Princess,” a stallion spoke, “but how can you be sure that the Prince is overreacting? How do you know that this… this thing just isn’t that good at deception?”
“I wasn’t at first, in fact I thought for sure that Thorax was an enemy. But something Spike said and did made me think, and I realized I could sense some love coming from Thorax. It didn’t feel like stolen love in his reserves, and anyway he’d claimed to have starved himself to near-death, which could have been a lie at first glance, but when I really focused on it, I realized he was generating that love! I’d never seen a changeling do that before! So I asked myself, how could an evil being generate love practically indistinguishable from our own? We had to have been wrong about him! Even if he was mostly evil, that ability to generate love convinced me that he could be redeemed, and in all the time he’s been here, I haven’t seen him do one thing that might be considered evil!”
Silence fell onto the crowd as they pondered this confession. I was just as dumbfounded; I could create love?! Just like that? And I’d been unknowingly doing it all along? Was that why all the other drones had found so much pleasure in pestering me? Because I was actual food to them, not just some random, deluded wimp?
Could they be taught to do the same? Would it solve the problem of permanent hunger that plagued our kind? Would it at least make them less repulsive to ponies so they could get willingly-shared love rather than having to steal it?
Would Chrysalis allow it?
“So,” a colt asked, “he isn’t going to eat us?”
“We can stop being afraid of him?” a filly and a colt added in unison.
“But why would Prince Shining kill you?” another mare asked.
“...because I came in contact with Flurry.” I shrugged. “Okay, she might have been the one to initiate it, but I don’t think Shining would care much about that detail. I’m not even supposed to come near her.”
“I dunno, sounds like a wise precaution,” a stallion muttered.
“Archer!” a mare shushed him.
“I’m just saying!” Archer protested.
“I think you’ve got nothing to worry about, Thorax,” Cadance said. “You might have broken the restrictions regarding Flurry, but you did so on my demand, and you’ve got plenty of ponies who saw you being friendly to her, to them, and to me. You even bought Flurry a gift!”
“Oh, right!” A mare slapped herself, then approached Flurry with the phoenix she’d dropped earlier. “I almost forgot! Here you go, Princess Flurry!”
She accepted the toy with a salvo of excited giggles.
“You really mean it, Princess?” I asked. “These ponies would… come to my defense if Shining tried to punish me?”
“Some of them would, at least,” she nodded. “The others just need a little more time, I’m sure, but they’ll get there eventually!”
Most of them nodded to her words. A few remained silent, but nopony voiced any complaints!
“Well then,” she said. “I think it’ll be dinner time soon. We should return to the castle!”
I got up and followed her. Flurry flew above us with her phoenix, and Trusty Shield tagged along quietly at a distance. We made a turn into Emerald Street. The statue of Spike the Brave and Glorious stood proudly in the distance ahead of us, and a little beyond, the Crystal Castle shimmered in the setting sun.
“Princess?” I asked eventually. “This was your plan, wasn’t it? To get me to interact with ponies and be there to intervene if something went wrong?”
“The most obvious solution to a problem is often the best one,” she replied, “even if it takes several failed attempts to get there. It wasn’t that hard; all I needed was to put you in a situation where you could meet friendly ponies and to make sure they don’t get drowned out by the not-so-friendly ones. You did the rest!”
“And the plushie? Was that planned too?”
“Not specifically, but I might have been careful to pick a route on which Flurry would have something to get interested in that I could then use to create a friendly situation for the ponies to witness.” She smiled. “Besides, you looked like you needed such a thing yourself!”
“Then these bits aren’t really mine,” I said, reaching for the pouch of coins, then offered it back to her. “Though I appreciate what you did!”
“Oh, no, they are yours!” She pushed my hoof away. “I meant it then and I mean it now! You’re going to need money sooner or later anyway!”
“If you insist…” I put the pouch on my back again. “And thank you for spending the afternoon with me and helping me. I enjoyed it greatly, even with the chaos I caused!”
“And I enjoyed spending time with you,” she said. “I’d like to do it again sometime! Though, it’d be even better if I could get Shining to join us without gritting his teeth at you…”
It was hard to imagine him being friendly with me, and I didn’t know if we’d have anything in common to keep a conversation going, but I couldn’t deny that such a scenario would indeed be wonderful!
Close to Spike’s statue, Flurry got tired of flying and landed on my back. I flinched and cast a panicked look at Cadance - what if Shining saw me carrying his daughter around? - but she simply nodded. She was okay with letting me carry Flurry and would tell Shining that if he were to protest! I could relax and enjoy the rest of the evening, knowing that everything would turn out fine!
We continued walking to the castle.
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Oh shut up Trusty Shield you're starting to get on my last nerve
Aww! Good job Cadence! Way to go! Thorax, you were a delight, as usual, you big cinnamon roll
I don't blame him either I will run away to Chrysalis is crazy
Awww thorax that is so sweet of you to consider that 😊
Don't worry buddy you will make the impossible in season 6 finale along with Starlight and her friends
Finally, another character that tolerates the cinnamon roll bug! 🥮
(...That emoji was the closest thing I could find to a cinnamon roll, by the way.)
I unfortunately foresee a fight in the future between Cadence and Shining, and also unfortunately, the blockhead taking it out on Thorax.
Well it looks like things turned out pretty well so thorax feeling down after his first attempt to make a friend but Cadence came around to see if she could help out with that situation but it looks like she's not alone she has flurry heart with her so his second attempt is well okay not great but better than nothing at least people are not going after him and making that guard to shut up so they went to the toy store there was one person or pony actually was pretty nice to thorax it's a first start but like I said long ways to go so they went to the museum then to the bakery and thorax was feeling more nervous than ever but flurry heart salt really bad for him and She hugged him which that was pretty cute of her so with that everybody started to feel at ease even some at least so things were going a little better this time and and I wonder what's going to happen at dinner I guess we'll find out next time
YAY FINALLY THORAX GOT THE KINDNESS HE DESERVES
so how much are we gonna bet Trusty is going to narc to Shining about how his wife was sticking up for "the bug" because of course he would
a grate chapter i really like how this played out..
as to sick i mean shiny i still say gelding with a band.
Are we sure Trusty Shield isn't an umbrum? He gets way too much enjoyment being around hate. Also, yeah, Shining is still irredeemable in my eyes.
10614911
Interesting theory, but no, he's just an ordinary pony trying too hard to please his commander and not knowing when to stop, partly thanks to the said commander being so obstinate
I like how Thorax is progressing. Though this imagination keeps running through my head as the story progress:
Does Thorax regret what could have happened to Pharynx since he disguised as him?
Would being around Flurry remind him of an elder brother standing watch over him?
Would Thorax realise that his brother had a familial love similar to Cadence's motherly love?
How much did Thorax himself miss Pharynx?
Finally an uplifting chapter end! But not enough hugging of cinnabug.
10615384
Not to spoil too much, but you might get an answer to at least some of those questions in future chapter(s)
10615502
Not to worry, cinnabug will get his hugs and hug-equivalents
10614213
The emoji is showing as an empty rectangle both on the computer and on the cellphone on my end. Oh well, I guess I'm just going to trust you that it looks like a cinnamon roll
10615611
Oh, it’s a mooncake. Closest thing to a cinnamon roll I could find.
10615616
*googles mooncake images*
*googles cinnamon roll images*
yeah, they're similar enough, I guess
10615631
Heh.
10614911
He'll be redeemed. Just might take Cadence sending him through a few walls to knock the sense into him.
Childs judgement. They have a 6st sense for good people at times…