Two Families
A gloriously sunny day had dragged me out of hiding in my room this afternoon to the outskirts of the city again. I’d armed myself to the teeth with painting supplies and flown to my flower’s hill, only this time, the lovely buttercup wasn’t the only thing on my mind.
I checked the flower right away. It was strong and blooming nicely, and if I didn’t know it was missing any leaves, I would have never noticed the wound I’d given it when depriving it of what would one day, hopefully, become its twin and find a home close to the crystally castle. I bid a silent apology to the flower for this small sacrifice it had allowed me, expressed my wishes for quick recovery of its loss, and promised to refrain from committing such an atrocity again unless it was absolutely unavoidable.
The flower remained silent, but if it could talk back, I hoped it would express some understanding for my act.
I allowed myself to bask in its sweet tranquility a moment longer, then reached for my saddlebag and took out what I needed.
I looked into the distance. The city ahead of me shimmered in the warm sun; the birds were flying, the trees were vividly green, and the ponies were filled with so much love and bliss that it poured out onto the snowflake-like streets and flowed steadily to one focal point, the heart of the city, both proverbial and literal, that soaked up this ethereal treasure and channeled it high into the sky, where its rippling streams dispersed in all directions to find their way into every corner of Equestria and the rest of the world and to share with it the greatest of gifts imaginable.
Yes, this was the perfect motif for my newest painting!
My brush danced across the canvas; the watercolors glowed bright and hopeful with every new stroke, their soft hues and gentle contours reflecting my peace of mind and the warmth in my heart. A bird here, a ripple there, and a happy tear in my eyes drawn out by the overwhelming satisfaction of the sight before me, the sight that would have been but a distant dream until not that long ago… The painting was nearing its completion.
And it was perfect. Not for its chosen theme, nor for the originality of idea, nor for the technical brilliance of the execution; all of that could have easily used some more work, and if I were to ask Fine Line, she would undoubtedly tell me so and offer advice for improvement. But for the love I’d poured into the canvas and mixed into the watercolors, the painting was unmatched!
A smile curled my lips and a content sigh rolled over them.
Then, a deep voice, one I’d known in another life, startled me into dropping the painting.
“How did I know I’d find you here?” it said.
Composing myself, I turned to its source. A dark face stared at me with purple eyes, almost scowling but not quite, and the lips that had spoken the question were curled into a slight smirk, somewhat distorted by the sharp fangs.
“Pharynx?” I gasped back. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you think? It’s been a while since I got to see my little brother! Can’t I come and say hello?”
“Uh, yes, of course… I think… How did you find me?”
He snickered. “Oh come on, as if that was going to be difficult!”
Something cold stirred in my heart. Chrysalis, it whispered. No, not whispered; screamed! My eyes went wide.
“D-does… does anyling else...”
“Do they know I’m here?” he finished the sentence that I couldn’t. “Do I look like I tell them everything?”
“But you had to have had permission to leave the hive… didn’t you?”
“She thinks I’m somewhere else. The others…” A dark shadow flashed briefly in his eyes. “They care about their tongues and legs too much to risk parting with them over one uncalled-for question.”
I suddenly became very aware of my own tongue and legs. Pharynx had that effect on others; he’d never once failed to fulfill a promise… and nine out of ten of his promises meant an urgent need for a healing cocoon for whoever failed my brother’s expectations. Or whoever fulfilled those expectations. There had been times when I didn’t know which was the case. No, times when I didn’t want to know; with him, it could be either!
I looked at him again. He was ignoring me for a moment; his eyes were fixed on the city in the distance, then they moved onto the ripples of the Crystal Heart’s magic in the sky. He opened his mouth and sucked in some of the rich, delicious love that permeated the area.
“Nice place you’ve got yourself here, I gotta admit,” he said eventually.
“Uh… thanks?”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Did you swallow a broomstick?”
“Huh?”
“You’re acting like a startled fainting goat, for Hive’s sake. Watch out, the breeze might knock you over.”
I tilted my head in confusion. What was he talking about?
“Ugh,” he groaned. “Do I have to spell everything out for you? You gonna show me around or what?”
Oh.
“Right. Sorry. Let me just collect my stuff…”
“What’s that thing?” He pointed at my painting. “You wasting your time again? No, correction. You still wasting your time?”
“Painting isn’t a waste of time, Pharynx! I find it very relaxing, and it’s done wonders for me!”
“Whatever. Need help with that?”
I gave him an incredulous stare. “Since when are you interested in helping me carry stuff? You insisted on me carrying stuff by myself even when my legs were broken!”
“Getting cocky, aren’t we?” He looked at me sideways. “Are you starting to develop an attitude?”
“...would that be good or bad?”
“Do you seriously need to ask that? What do you think I’ve been trying to do all these years?”
“You were trying to protect me from other drones-”
“-and trying to teach you how to stand up for yourself so I wouldn’t have to protect you all the time! Not that any of my attempts ever made a difference. It was as if my words were going in one of your ears and out the other no matter how hard I shouted, and that was on a good day!”
“What do you want me to say? I never cared for battle! I still don’t!”
“You think I didn’t notice, you moron? Whining about bullies aside, wanting to make friends was the only thing you ever talked about! Maybe if you’d kept your mouth shut about it every now and then, you wouldn’t have provoked the others into beating you up so often!” He took a deep breath. “Well, did you find any?”
“Friends? Yes, several, and I don’t have to hide what I am anymore! They’ve accepted me and helped me a great deal!”
“Hmmm. Maybe they have… I’ve never seen you this confident!”
“And I’ve never felt this confident! Friendship is everything I’ve ever dreamed of, Pharynx, and so much more! If only the other changelings would give it a chance!”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but changelings aren’t cut out for friendship. We’re warriors, we’re fearsome, and our hunger for love is insatiable! Your fantasy of sharing it would never work! Maybe it works for you for some inexplicable reason, but you’ve always been the odd one. How are the rest of us supposed to sustain ourselves if we keep giving all the love away?”
“You don’t understand because you’ve never tried it, Pharynx. I didn’t understand! But shared love is so much more filling than stolen love! I can go for days without eating now, and when I do eat, I only need a sip or two, and I don’t even remember the last time I needed more!”
“Now you’re exaggerating.”
“I’m not! Let me introduce you to my friends; they’ll tell you!”
I led him straight to the castle. The ponies in the streets acted as if nothing was wrong, as if the sight of another changeling among them was a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence. None of them approached us, though, but the fact that none of them were running away in terror at the sight of an unknown changeling, whether or not accompanied by a familiar one, baffled both me and Pharynx. I was taking it as a sign of their trust in me and my judgment, but I could see in Pharynx’s eyes and posture that he couldn’t wrap his mind around it! He kept turning his head in all directions, staring at everypony, and glancing at me every so often, almost as if he wanted to ask a million questions but couldn’t figure out where to begin or muster up the courage to. The mere fact that I considered him not to have the courage to ask a question spoke volumes about how uncharacteristic of himself he was acting, and yet, there was something in him that I recognized as his own, something that made me sure he wasn’t some other drone disguised as my brother. Was it the way his mouth twitched, itching to hiss at the ponies around us and to bite them and encase them in prey cocoons, but restraining himself for my sake? Had it been the tone of his voice when he spoke of the other drones not daring to pry into what wasn’t their business? Was it some other detail that I’d never registered in my conscious mind as an indisputable proof of my brother’s identity, but one that my heart saw as such nevertheless? I didn’t know, and it didn’t matter. My brother was here, I was about to introduce him to my friends, to the closest thing I had to a family ever since leaving him behind and venturing into the unknown, and that was all that mattered!
It didn’t take me long to find them; Cadance and Shining were strolling through the castle hallways, conversing about some everyday matter. They took notice of Pharynx and me and invited us to join them.
“Princess Cadance, Shining Armor,” I said to them, “may I introduce to you my brother Pharynx?”
They offered welcoming smiles to him.
“Pleased to meet you, Pharynx,” Cadance said, “and welcome to the Crystal Empire!”
“Thorax has been telling us about you,” Shining added.
Pharynx shot me a look. “You were?” Unsurprisingly, there was a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Not very much, don’t worry!” I said quickly. Then, to Cadance and Shining, “Please excuse him. Pharynx likes to keep to himself even in the hive, and especially around non-changelings.”
“The result of your military background, I take it?” Shining asked innocently.
“I thought you said you didn’t tell them much!”
“I’m afraid it’s my fault, Mr. Pharynx,” Shining interjected. “I pushed him.”
Pharynx frowned at both of us. “Might have known you’d succumb to the slightest pressure,” he grumbled at me. “What else did you blurt out?”
I cowered under his glare. I almost felt like he already knew the answer!
Cadance attempted to ease the tension.
“Would you like to join us for tea?” she asked.
“Under one condition,” Pharynx agreed after eyeing me curiously for a few seconds. “Don’t call me ‘mister’ again. I’m not one of your fancy gentlecolts.”
“...of course.” She pointed to one of the doors. “This way, please.”
We entered one of the many rooms I’d never been in before; it had a few couches and cushions placed about, a small table in the middle, and a fireplace on one of the side-walls. I assumed this was where they entertained guests sometimes. The view from the window would undoubtedly impress any visitor!
...almost any visitor. Pharynx was completely unfazed, but then again, he’d never cared for aesthetics, so it was hardly surprising that he ignored the window. No maulwurfs of timberwolves were rampaging outside, so why would he care?
Sunburst was already in the room, lounging on a couch and reading a book while Flurry slept in her basket. He hadn’t noticed us right away, but pretty soon, he snapped out of his trance, sat up, and set the book aside.
“Oh,” he started. “Do you need this room? I can go somewhere else…”
“No, please stay,” Cadance assured him. “Thorax’s brother came for a visit.”
It was only then that Sunburst seemed to notice Pharynx.
“Right. Uh, hello. I’m Sunburst,” he said to him, offering a hoof.
“Noted. And I don’t do hoofshakes.”
“...how about a hoofbump?”
Pharynx’s dead stare spoke all the ‘No, are you crazy?’ in the world.
“...oooookay,” said Sunburst, withdrawing the hoof.
The rest of us sat down. Pharynx remained where he was.
“Pharynx?” I called to him in almost a whisper. “Aren’t you going to have a seat?”
He stood there in silence a moment longer, as if wanting to emphasize his displeasure with the invitation, then sat on one of the empty cushions, still retaining the almost standing-at-attention rigidity of his posture.
As if on cue, Berry arrived with a tea set and a bowl of cookies, set them on the table, and withdrew without a word.
Cadance poured cups of tea and levitated one to each of us, including Pharynx and me. I still hadn’t developed a habit of drinking it, but accepted it anyway for the sake of appearances. Pharynx didn’t protest against his tea or openly refuse to take it, but when the teacup landed gracefully onto the table in front of him, he gave it a deliberate stare that once again made his disdain for the matter painfully obvious.
Now that the hospitable distractions were dealt with, a long, awkward silence fell on the room as we struggled to come up with something to let the conversation flow, especially without risking to push it into uncivilized territory. The ponies knew too little about him, and it struck me that I’d never realized I could say the same! It was true that I’d spent a lot of time with him while still living in the hive, but most of that time had amounted to either being rescued from bullies, or being scolded for one thing or another, or him trying to teach me some combat- or infiltration-related technique and me consistently failing to satisfy his expectations. He was a warrior to the core, but I didn’t know much more about him! What was he secretly passionate about in the moments when his heart and mind weren’t completely and exclusively dedicated to serving the hive? Was there anything? I struggled to recall any detail, any little hint in his words or behavior that might suggest his other preferences - and there had to be some, I was sure of it - but nothing came to mind! How was it possible that I knew so little about my own brother?
“So, uh… Pharynx…” Sunburst finally, hesitantly, broke the silence. “Can you tell us something about yourself? Thorax didn’t really say much…”
“Good,” he retorted.
Another awkward period of silence came.
“So?” Sunburst tried again.
“What? I’m not fang-deep in your necks yet so you assumed we were best buddies or however you ponies call it?”
“Just trying to make a conversation,” Sunburst sighed, burying his snout in his teacup.
“Pharynx, please,” I tried. “They aren’t interrogating you for military secrets or anything!”
“And even if they were, you think I couldn’t handle it? Who do you take me for?”
“That’s not what I meant! I know you can handle anything, and I’m pretty sure my friends have figured it out by now, so there’s really no need to keep proving it to them!”
He rubbed his forehead. “You’re not trying to convince me to try to be polite to breakfast portions, are you?”
Cadance and Shining tensed up, paused mid-sip, and covertly made eye contact with each other. Sunburst swallowed heavily.
“Um… yes? And they’re not breakf-”
“Why should I bother?”
“Because they’re my friends… and because you came here… so…”
“Okay, I can accept that the orange guy might have been naive enough, but you’re not seriously expecting me to believe that you made friends with them?!” He pointed a hoof at Cadance and Shining. “They of all ponies should by all standards have blasted you into a million pieces on first contact!”
“And we nearly did,” Cadance interjected. “Luckily, Thorax had made another friend by then and we were willing to hear them out.”
“I wasn’t at first,” Shining added. “But as much as I tried to keep seeing your brother as an enemy, the moment came when I had to admit that he wasn’t one, no matter how much I wanted him to be.”
“Why should I believe you?”
“Don’t you sense their love?” I asked.
“The aura is so saturated here that it’s hard to tell where it’s all coming from. For all I know, they could be as empty as statues.”
“Did you come here walking through the streets, then?” Cadance asked.
“Yes, why?”
“How did the ponies react when they saw you? Were they scared? Did they try to run away from you?”
“No.”
“That’s because they followed our example of giving Thorax a chance and have come to the same conclusion as we did. They had been warned about changelings, but now they trust Thorax, so they decided to accept you as a friend too because you were with Thorax.”
“Or they could have simply been following your orders to play nice,” he retorted.
“But you feasted on their collective aura,” I reminded him. “Did you taste any fear in it? Any frustration? Anything else that would make you think their actions are a lie?”
He pondered this. “No,” he admitted.
“Do you see any such thing now?”
He tasted the aura again. “No. Okay, you’ve got a point. But I’m still counting it as an anomaly.”
“It doesn’t have to be an anomaly! If you would just try to share love-”
“Here we go again…” he groaned.
“May I ask something?” Sunburst interjected.
“Yes,” I said.
“No,” Pharynx barked.
“...I’m going to ask anyway. Pharynx, what made you come here?”
“What’s it to you?”
“Thorax said you came here for a visit. Now, I don’t know how such a thing is viewed in changeling society so I might be wrong in my assumptions, but to ponies, visiting others is a sign of friendship, affection, or however else you want to call it. But you haven’t been acting very friendly, which I can understand in regard to us ponies if you really can’t see us as anything more than food-”
“Get to the point!”
“I am getting there. I can understand you not being nice to ponies, but treating your brother the same? And yet, you claim to be here for a visit. Not an invasion or a scouting mission - that would have probably involved a disguise too, and maybe some teammates - but for a visit. That’s an odd choice of words for what you’re doing.”
“What am I supposed to do? Sing and dance?”
“Not necessarily. The point is, there’s more to your ‘just a visit’, isn’t there?”
“Wow, what a genius you are!” he said, dripping with sarcasm, or maybe ridiculing his idea. “Why don’t you tell me since you’re so brilliantly smart!”
For all of Pharynx’s mocking and avoiding discussion on the matter, I got the impression that Sunburst had a point. It was great to see my brother again after all this time, so great that I’d neglected to ask myself what he was doing here! He’d never had a habit of ‘just dropping by’; if he went somewhere, there had to be a practical reason! And with Chrysalis allegedly not knowing where he’d gone to, there was only one conceivable thing he could have been looking for!
Cadance realized it too.
“We’re intruding on a personal matter, aren’t we, Pharynx?” she asked.
“You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?”
“We can leave if you want. Thorax, is that okay with you?”
“If that’s what you want, then yes. But I really brought Pharynx here so he could meet the three of you.” I glanced at Flurry, who was still fast asleep in her basket. “Uh, the four of you.”
“Okay, I’ve met them. Anything else?”
“I was kind of hoping you’d want to get to know them…”
“I don’t have to. I’ve seen enough.” He pushed his teacup away from himself and took a deep breath. “Fine, I did have an agenda when I came here. I wanted to see how Thorax was doing in an environment he wasn’t prepared for, and I wanted to see how that environment was reacting to him. I was fully prepared to intervene in a big and messy way, but it looks like it won’t be necessary. Thorax, you’re happy enough living here, aren’t you?”
“Yes, very… though I’d be happier if you’d come live with us.”
Shining and Sunburst both raised an eyebrow and looked at each other. Cadance smiled.
“That’s never gonna happen and you know it,” Pharynx retorted. “Cute stuff and sharing love? I’d go crazy as well as hungry! But you’ve made this your home and seem to be thriving and don’t need me anymore.” He stood up from his cushion. “I can return to the hive with a clear conscience.”
“Hold on... ‘Not needing you’? What are you talking about?! I’ll always need you!”
“Tough break, Thorax. You and I belong to different worlds now and there’s no going back. But for whatever it’s worth to you…”
He approached me and, for the first time in our lives, embraced me in a tight, genuine hug.
“I’ll miss you, Thorax,” he whispered.
When he released me, an invisible veil lifted from my eyes. The rest of the world seemed to vanish, to fade away, and nothing remained but an endless void and Pharynx and me. He stood there motionless, and I saw that, though it really was him and had been him all along, he wasn’t made of flesh and blood, but woven from my memories and the longing of my heart.
“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” I whispered to the void.
“Indeed you are,” a voice reverberated behind me.
I turned around. The night princess gazed at me gently, and a warm smile adorned her face.
“Princess Luna? What are you doing here? I don’t think I’d call this a nightmare… not that I object to your presence…”
“Rest assured, I know your slumbers have not been troubled tonight. I was once again simply observing. It is a great relief to me to find that my earlier intervention has made a difference!”
“And I’m very grateful, Princess! I never thought interrupting one nightmare would help me this much!”
“I wish it were so, dear Thorax, but your nightmare was not the only one that needed interrupting.”
“Shining Armor,” I mused. “He mentioned you visiting his dreams, but I assumed it was nothing more than the most convenient way of convincing him… I never realized he’d had nightmares too! It was really bad if you had to intervene, wasn’t it?”
She nodded gravely. “He relived the explosion. He saw Sunburst die, and he saw you make it happen. He saw the proof of all his fears come true and he saw the worst of the changelings’ evil reflected in your eyes. Convincing him to see the errors of his judgment was not easy, but a small part of him, silenced and subdued, had known all along he was wrong. Had I not succeeded in drawing that part out into the open, I do not dare think what might have happened to you!”
She meant the real-world version of me, I realized.
“I think that part of him is going to stay in the open,” I reassured her. “I never thought it would happen, but he’s trying to make up for what he kept refusing to do until now. He admitted to not trusting me completely yet, but I think he really wants to get past that and become friends with me! And the others have done more for me in this short time than anyone had ever done before! Is that what pony families are like? Are they… my family now?”
“They can be if you want them to be, and I trust they would be honored!” She looked at Pharynx. “But you have one more family, do you not?”
I did. The family-of-one I’d left behind.
“My brother…” An idea stirred in my mind. “Princess, did you visit his dreams too?”
“I did not think it wise,” she said. “I can try if you want, but keep in mind that my presence in their slumbers, if not mistaken for part of the dream itself, could alert them to your presence in the pony lands or even be seen as an act of aggression that could spark an open war.”
“You’re right,” I sighed. “Maybe save it for emergencies, then?”
“That, I can do.”
I fixed my gaze on Pharynx’s immobile form. “I miss him so much, Princess,” I sighed. “He used to annoy me to no end and we never saw eye to eye, but there are moments now when there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give for one more day with him! Do you think I’ll ever see him again?”
“My heart tells me your paths will cross again, Thorax,” she said. “Destiny has a way of bringing people together, no matter how much time has passed and how great a distance divides them. How that will happen with you and Pharynx, I do not know, nor do I know how long you will have to wait; but that it will happen, I have little doubt.”
“I hope it’ll be a happy reunion,” I mused. “Not me stumbling upon his dead body or something like that!”
“I cannot promise either way, but I too hold out hope for a happy ending.”
The image of Pharynx still stood motionless in the dark void, except that now, the darkness was clearing, revealing silhouettes of my pony friends: Sunburst, Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart. A little further behind them, I could make out more silhouettes: Spike, Princess Twilight and her friends, Starlight, Sentinel, Paladin, Trusty Shield, Berry. My two families, standing together in this elusive world.
Maybe, one day, I would see them standing together in the real world, too. But not yet.
Pharynx had said we belonged to different worlds now, and he’d probably been right. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t one day belong to the same world again! If I could have it my way, there wouldn’t even be two worlds to divide us; ponies and changelings would be united as one!
No matter how unlikely it was, I still hoped there was a way to get there.
And I thought I could see a faint smile appear on Pharynx’s face.
I’d never seen him smile like that. A mocking smirk, yes, or a gloating grin, but never a warm smile!
I didn’t know what state I’d find him in when I finally got to reunite with him - assuming Luna’s feeling had been right - but until that happened, this was how I wanted to remember him. Not scowling and bellowing orders and insults, but smiling warmly, surrounded by members of my pony family.
I felt I was about to open my eyes and rejoin that family in the real world, but before I did, there was one more thing I wanted to do.
I embraced Pharynx in a heartfelt hug, wishing it were his real self rather than an image of him in my mind, and hoping the love I’d put in the act would find its way to the real Pharynx one way or another.
“Goodbye, my brother,” I whispered as bittersweet tears welled up in my eyes. “Until we meet again.”
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Wow… I was honestly not expecting Pharynx to suddenly show up then and there.
Edit: Who knows what he would’ve done to Shining and the others had it not been a dream.
10909193
No one expects
the Spanish InquisitionPharynx!sorry, I had to...
That was beautiful. It's amazing to see Thorax so happy and comfortable in the Empire on its own, but the rest of it? Pharynx's presence is so heartwarming, and I absolutely love his character in this...
FUCK
Jokes aside, It wasn't hard to figure out it's a dream from the moment Pharynx appeared. I've read the other stories, so it was kinda cheating seeing as we know for a fact he won't show up until Thorax reforms the Hive. Still, despite that, it was at the same time beautiful and painful to see what could have been, and yet cannot ever be. You goddamn tease.
10909232
Agreed. This is a beautifully painful what-if chapter although Thorax isn't wrong in that Pharynx loves him and always has. He may have an odd way of showing it, but if he didn't he would have never reformed.
How I didn’t realize it was a dream was beyond me.
Interesting chapter. Sad for love bug that it was all a dream.
Of course it was a dream after this line. Pharynx would never be so clumsy as to drop a title.
I will never regret my wordplay!
This chapter is just... like, the sweetest bite of sourness I've ever seen. I suspected it was a dream the moment Pharynx showed up, but I considered for a moment that it might've been possible for Pharynx to have simply left out a meeting with Thorax in the Empire in Blood Thicker Than Venom, though I quickly realized that makes no sense given Pharynx's narration in that fic. Then the ponies didn't react much to Pharynx, and then the royals and Sunburst were so casual about meeting him that it was pretty obvious it was a dream by then.
At least Cinnabug's dream was lovely, even if was sadly just a dream.
But I so wish it could've been real!
Awwwww!!! That was so sweetttttt!
This hit me good. I sense an ending soon
10910062
i am thinking the same thing.
but we can hope for a sequel.
10910062
Hold your horses, we still have some chapters and a sequel left to go!
Just wait until season 6 finale pharynx you be surprised dude
Ahhh dang it I thought it was real that pharynx did found thorax but its just a dream come on 😭
Don't worry buddy I'm sure you will see him again
This was a pretty bittersweet chapter apparently thorax was enjoying his day planting and painting the flower until pharynx showed up asking him how he been doing lately and how he's been looking for him for a while and thorax wanted to show him and meet with the other ponies that he made friends with along the way it was a pretty awkward situation when they got to the castle even the conversation yes given his attitude he's not really into this whole friendship thing but there is one thing he's always cared about his brother and his safety and his happiness but faith can be very cruel it turns out it was a dream that someday he really wish to see him again I'm sure he'll see him again but I guess we'll find out next time
I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna cry, I’m not… gonna… god damn it.
You should’ve gone a lot more into this and started it earlier. Shining having nightmares could have made his PTSD and actions a lot more relatable/understandable… (Disadvantage of first person perspective I guess.)
Having read Pharynx' story already I knew from the moment he appeared that it was a dream. Also like others have mentioned Shining Armor having nightmares ahould have come up earlier.