I can't thank you enough for making this story. This quarantine has been nothing but hell, and a story inspired by one of my favorite films is exactly what the doctor ordered (no pun intended). While there are a couple errors, I love the story so far. Keep it up!
I love this concept, but I hope that Trixie learns the same lesson Joker did, that no matter the hell you put someone through, you can't excuse your actions by saying that 'Anyone can become a monster like me!'. In Joker's case, he failed to break Gordon or Batgirl, but maybe Trixie'll do better.
With Trixie being smarter, to a degree, here, I do wonder if she would still go after Twilight. Who if you pay attention in the episode, was the only one who never did or said anything bad to Trixie.
Heck, they never would've known each other more than likely, if someponies, and Spike, didn't have their heads up their asses, and forced them to meet.
Hello, friend. Just got done listening to this on the audio feature before going to bed.
Well, I got to say you doing quite well, CK, besides a few minor grammar errors a little here and there. Its nothing to get too worried about.
All in all you're on a good running start and so far it's being well received by the growing audience. So here's hoping for the next chapters being as equally as good. So with that said, I'll leave you with this.
I can see where you're going with this, but the pace needs to slow down drastically. I don't really recognize Trixie yet as a character, because you haven't portrayed her as such to this point. To this point, you've basically made her Exposition Pony: she's your tale's mouthpiece to tell us, rather than show us, the story, and that's rather off-putting.
For example, if I were the doctor sitting there, as compassionate as I would try to be, I'd be hard-pressed not to roll my eyes when she started going on about how "our dad abandoned us and our mom got killed by a drunk cab driver." Okay, okay we get it...these two have been shit on. A LOT. I understand you're building sympathy for the protagonists, but that was a bit over the top.
I certainly hope the following chapters do not keep to this formula, and that you actually portray Trixie.
I love this. I hope we get some good old drama. I hope those girls feel guilty. Oh your pacing is phenomenal!
It takes one bad day.
'You threw your reason away cause you had one bad day and your mind let go of the wheel' -Miracle of Sound, Joker's Song
Can't wait to see this actually happen. If the guilt won't kill them, I bet Trixie will.
I can't thank you enough for making this story. This quarantine has been nothing but hell, and a story inspired by one of my favorite films is exactly what the doctor ordered (no pun intended). While there are a couple errors, I love the story so far. Keep it up!
I love this concept, but I hope that Trixie learns the same lesson Joker did, that no matter the hell you put someone through, you can't excuse your actions by saying that 'Anyone can become a monster like me!'. In Joker's case, he failed to break Gordon or Batgirl, but maybe Trixie'll do better.
10355744
We shall see
Insanity is the emergency exit
10356202
You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... FOREVER.
Trixie's brother is sick? Guess Trixie will learn about the healing power of laughter.
10356213
Yep, she definitely will
That twist at the end. Wow.
It's quite heavy reading, uncannily descriptive for my taste ;)
Anyhow, it's pretty smooth and fluent.
10356782
Really appreciate the compliments
The next chapter will be released in the coming weeks
With Trixie being smarter, to a degree, here, I do wonder if she would still go after Twilight. Who if you pay attention in the episode, was the only one who never did or said anything bad to Trixie.
Heck, they never would've known each other more than likely, if someponies, and Spike, didn't have their heads up their asses, and forced them to meet.
10357885
There are fates worse than death
Hello, friend. Just got done listening to this on the audio feature before going to bed.
Well, I got to say you doing quite well, CK, besides a few minor grammar errors a little here and there. Its nothing to get too worried about.
All in all you're on a good running start and so far it's being well received by the growing audience. So here's hoping for the next chapters being as equally as good. So with that said, I'll leave you with this.
10369345
Thank you so much for the kind words, my good friend. I can assure you that you will not be disappointed by the later chapters.
Also, the the video you sent me is really cool. So, thanks for that too.
OH. SHIT.
Oh dear,
This is going to be a catastrophic train wreck that's going to litterly pull Equestria down to it knee's.
I can see where you're going with this, but the pace needs to slow down drastically. I don't really recognize Trixie yet as a character, because you haven't portrayed her as such to this point. To this point, you've basically made her Exposition Pony: she's your tale's mouthpiece to tell us, rather than show us, the story, and that's rather off-putting.
For example, if I were the doctor sitting there, as compassionate as I would try to be, I'd be hard-pressed not to roll my eyes when she started going on about how "our dad abandoned us and our mom got killed by a drunk cab driver." Okay, okay we get it...these two have been shit on. A LOT. I understand you're building sympathy for the protagonists, but that was a bit over the top.
I certainly hope the following chapters do not keep to this formula, and that you actually portray Trixie.